How dare you put words in my mouth!!!!!

It is late in the evening.  DH has gone to bed.  I set down my book and my eyes are feeling heavy.  While considering making the journey to bed from the couch, DD comes into the room.  She feels it is time to talk about something and from the look on her face.... she is excited.  As she mumbles and sputters sentence fragments, she proceeds to tell me....

DD:  "MOM!  The coolest thing just happened!!  Three of my favorite groups are following me...  THREE!  Isn't that soooooo cool?"

Me:  "Huh?  What do you mean that you have people 'following' you?  What are you talking about?"

DD:  "Three of my favorite groups are following me on Twitter..."  (Finishing the sentence with a flourish of her hand)

Me:  "TWITTER?  When did you join Twitter, of all places?  I never recalled giving you permission to get a Twitter account.  Obviously, you needed an e-mail address to get an account and I did not get an e-mail notification that you opened an account.... so....  what e-mail address did you use?"

DD:  (Looking at her feet) "I joined an hour ago and you know I do not have an e-mail account of my own...  I used your e-mail account address to get a Twitter account."

Me:  "Did it ever cross your mind to ask me for permission?  Doesn't Twitter have an age requirement to join?  Did you give false information to join?  Oh my God!!!  What information did you put out there?!?!?  Did you think for once that I just might have told you to not join this social site?  Or did you figure I did not need to know until after the damage was done?  Haven't all of our long discussions about joining sites without my knowledge is a risky thing to do?  There are a lot of crazy people out there and you are obviously not mature enough to handle those risks.  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?!?!?!!!!  Oh, thats right.... YOU WERE NOT THINKING!!  Why must you do things well beyond your age?  Can't you just be happy being a kid?"

DD:  "I did ask you for permission, but all you could say was 'what?' and after asking you twice, I decided there was no harm in joining.  My friend has a Twitter account and she is my age..."

Me:  "NO HARM?!?!?!  You knew I would have said 'no' and you made this decision on your own.  Apparently, the trust you earned over the past two years from the last thing you did behind my back with that anime chat room that has no safety measures meant nothing to you!  Heck, I tried to be reasonable about the Skype account you opened behind my back just last week.  At least you only chat with your friends with that and I felt I could be reasonable, but now this????  Twitter???  How am I ever going to trust you ever again??  Now, refresh my memory.... when in pray-tel did you ask me permission for this?"

DD:  "When I was in the car with you after you treated me and my friends to lunch and video games after I cleaned my room.  I asked while we were on our way back to the house."

Me:  "I was driving, right?"

DD:  "Yes."

Me:  "Was I looking at you?  Was I in the position to discuss this?  You know, I do happen to pay attention to driving and not all that much to you and your friends speed-talking a bunch of random stuff like you do.  When it comes down to asking for permission for things, you know I want to be sitting with you, face-to-face and really discuss this.... no distractions...  just you and me talking.  I see that as being respectful and being serious about getting permission."

DD:  "Well..... no, you were not looking at me.  I just figured you were listening and that it was okay, but you kept saying 'what?', and I figured you were just joking around so I made the assumption (yes, she used the word assumption) that I could.  Jeeze mom, you never seem to make the time to listen to anything I say.  It hurts my feelings that when I want to talk, you are not listening.  I swear, you just do not care about me."

Me:  "  I do listen and I do care, but when you decide you have to talk, you do this without fully explaining anything.  You just jump in half-way in a thought and assume I know what you are talking about.  Half of the time, what you do decide to talk to me about is what cool thing you found on YouTube or what new character you created on the Wii or your Nintendo DS...  not real important.  You have asked for permission for things before, but only after you already agreed to it before asking me, like if you can sleep over at a friend's house or if a friend can come over.  It puts me in a tough spot and I do my best to be reasonable, but I believed you knew better about things like this, DD, and joining anything on the internet needs more effort from you to actually have a discussion with me.  Never, in my dizziest of days, would I think you would just go and do something like this behind my back!  I am saddened to say, but I can no longer trust you and your judgement.  I am furious and disappointed with you!"

DD:  " I just don't get it, mom....  My friend has a Facebook account, a Twitter account, and Skype.... Why can't I?"

Me:  "Well, sweetheart, it is because I care far too much for your safety.  I do not care what your friends are allowed to have.... you are my responsibility and I am doing the best that I can.  I may not be as free in letting you take risks like your friend's parents and you need to respect me for that.  I am not your friend.... I am your mother!"

DD:  "You don't care about me!  We rarely talk and when I do... you look frustrated and not interested in what I have to say."

Me:  "HOW DARE YOU PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH BY SAYING SUCH A THING!!!  I DO care about you, and I DO look out for your best interests, and I DO listen... when you actually try to focus on having a discussion with me and not when you sputter out random crap that does not make sense!  Don't you dare play that teenage drama queen martyr card with me!  I am not buying it and I refuse to let you put words in my mouth that I have never spoken!  You hide in your room all day and rarely make an effort, so do not place the blame on my shoulders.  I try to respect your space and be reasonable, but apparently, that is not enough for you and you think you are mature enough to make some serious decisions.  How old do you think you are?  Are you 18 and able to vote?  Do you happen to pay the bills here?  Do you have a job?"

DD:  "I am only 12, mom, and no, I cannot vote, I do not have a job and I do not pay the bills here, but I can make decisions by myself.  You don't know me and you never tried.  I did not give out any personal information and Twitter does not ask your age or anything personal to join.  I would never tell anyone anything personal.  That, you told me is what makes the internet or life in general dangerous.  If you would just take the time to listen to me, you would not be so mad."

Me:  "Oh, sweetheart, you have not seen my full capabilities at being mad.  I am beyond mad and it is late, but I am going to tell you this....  Welcome to Hell, little girl.... you asked and I deliver!  That laptop that was my anniversary present from your father is now going to be in my possession again.  You want a computer?  Buy your own because I am not sharing anymore!  That freedom that you thought you earned is gone.  You are now going to be attached to my hip with no entertainment or internet for the rest of the week that you are off from school and I have plenty of errands to run tomorrow (meaning today), so go to bed and be ready early for a day with me.  Sheesh!  I have not even fully embraced the notion you have a boyfriend and you go and really jump over the line!  (shaking my head)  Just when I was starting to trust you again... you blow that to smithereens...  I hope you are proud of yourself..."

UGH!  I am sick to my stomach over this....  I hate being this way, but I have no choice....  Well, off to have yet another full day of talking with my daughter while I take her on my errands of the day.  I am having serious doubts that I can speak rationally with her anymore if I have to go over the same discussion over and over and over again.  Dear God, give me the strength to keep trying my best when it comes to her...  I just do not know if I have any more patience left.....

First lesson of the day for this child of mine.....  To understand that maturity is not an age thing, but having the ability to work within the limitations set in front of you.  Maturity is something reflected in actions, thought, and consideration of others.  Trust and respect are earned and not something you are entitled to.  All it takes is for one poor judgement call and the risk is far greater than the supposed reward you think you are getting.