The little things in life.....

Good morning!  I am a simple girl.  I am not much for frills and extra "bells and whistles" with what I happen to have.  As long as it serves its purpose...  I am as happy as a clam.  The past couple of weeks became a shopping frenzy, so to speak.  I made a few purchases and is thrilled with each and every one of them.  This is my list (and hopefully DH stays so calm over what I have managed to do).  Please keep in mind that I rarely, if ever purchase anything for myself...

Two weeks ago, I bought a grill pan.  I know, not all exciting, but if you ever watch those cooking shows, a grill pan is a necessity.  Laugh now, but it took me years to finally get one and be "in the the crowd".  Greatest thing ever!!!  Then, after realizing that Lent season was upon us, I went and got an electric griddle to handle making more potato pancakes in less time.  Cooking on an electric stove really sucks when your pan is bigger than the burner and there is not one pan on this planet that offers even cooking.  Takes me hours to make potato pancakes when there is a limited "hot spot" to cook with.  After purchasing that and seeing how much easier my life became, I am looking forward to using that thing for more than just potato pancakes.  Sadly, it took me years to realize that a griddle was a good investment.  Then recently, my keyboard and speakers for my computer wore out.  Slamming down on certain keys was getting a bit frustrating and even though I rarely ever use my speakers, I hated to hold those darn things up to my ears to hear anything (and yes, I had the volume full blast and barely heard anything).  After going for a quick run to the store (and being the most frugal shopper I can be), I found a keyboard that functions just great and speakers that work.  I just have to get used to having a curved keyboard...  I now have to look at the keyboard to type again.  Sigh, it will be a matter of time I will actually get used to this thing, but I am quite happy with what I managed to get.  Oh, and I forgot that my absolutely terrible organizational skills had me lose an external drive I needed and got a new one.  So far, so good....  No need for DH to (as I lovingly call) afro-engineer something to take the place of what is broken.  While I know that he is not able to form a non-stick grill pan, computer keyboard, or external drive... I would believe that he could manage to creatively make speakers and a griddle pan.

The proof is in the pudding here, folks....  If I can still own a wall mounted double oven that probably came with this house that still works (I should know... DH now creatively manufactures replacement parts since there our oven is beyond obsolete), our circa 1978 washer and dryer are still alive and kicking (in fact seem to work like brand new after he finally finished fixing them), and we still have the same heating and AC unit from only God knows when (sadly, our neighbor that helped bring our AC back to life has passed away)....  Our home is now current again.  Somehow, trends make a full circle after a while... "what is old becomes new again".  While I would absolutely love to have new things to replace this old stuff, I understand that old adage... if it is broke and can be fixed... just fix it.  Newer things do not necessarily mean better if you become broke trying to keep up with the Jones'.

Now, knowing that my computer is working fine... I can stop daydreaming dreading about getting a new one. After doing a little preventative sticker-shock shopping, I am happy with my $14 speakers, my $20 keyboard, and my $50 external hard drive.  That $84 investment is cheap compared to the minimum $900 investment for a new computer.  I now get it why DH is so cheap.  I just hope that he understands that these little things impacted me in a big way.  Really, who needs diamonds when the things you use every day now work better than they have in the past.  While lavish gifts are nice...  all I need are the basic necessities.  So if DH asks me what I want for Christmas (or for my birthday)... I can now say, "buy me a beer" and have one with me because I have everything I need (for now)....

Thanks for reading...  Have a great Leap Day!! ;)

Sensationalism at its finest.....

Ever notice those little "add-ons" that the current mainstream media shares in their stories?  You know, like mentioning that they found the missing person, but adding the comment "if you have seen this person, please call the police department to let them know of their whereabouts".  Obviously, the person was found, so there is no need of mentioning if you have seen that person to the police.

The news this morning was no different.  As I sat and watched the morning report about a police officer accidentally shooting himself in the leg while on a routine traffic stop for speeding, I heard very clearly that they were "questioning suspects on this matter".  REALLY?  A cop has his gun accidentally discharge into his leg and there were suspects to question?  Well, just slap me silly and call me Shirley!  I never knew that there were suspects between a cop and his gun.  It is either they felt the need to make the story more than what it really was or they are so accustomed to stating every event is "under investigation" with suspects nonetheless, just to make a mundane story more interesting.

As I chuckled over the comment made in the news report, DD asked me directly if I had some whack-a-doodle sense of humor over someone getting shot.  I actually had to explain to DD that when I listen to anyone or anything (like the news), I listen to every word spoken.  That is a characteristic of a good listener.  I am not one for skipping the opportunity for details.  Probably because I learned rather quickly that if you only hear half of what is said, creating your own conclusion will result in being wrong.

Just loving the DVR player we have, you can rewind live TV to replay something if you felt you missed something or for the sheer level of entertainment...  replay something that you like.  The only catch is that you cannot rewind something that you missed because you were on a different channel... it has to be something you were currently watching.  So, as I pressed rewind to go back to the reported story, I had DD pay close attention to what was said in the report.  Once she realized the error in stating that "suspects were being questioned on the matter", she started to laugh, too.  Really, who are they going to question other than the cop that shot himself in the leg?  His gun?  Pretty ridiculous, if you ask me.

I can only gather that the news reporter hoped that their listeners did not catch that mistake, but with people, like myself, it is quite obvious that it was heard.  With that brought to light, I do wonder if their proof reader will not let that slip happen again in the later reports.  I can only guess that time will tell.

What about those that refuse to proof-read what they write?  While I do tend to check my writing before pressing "publish", I have no doubt that there are plenty of people that just feel too darn confident to check before letting it be seen.  I have even managed to see writing errors in books.  Not all that many over the years of my avid reading have I seen errors, but it does happen.  While the brain can process what a word is even if the letters are mixed up, as long as the first and last letter are in the proper place... it does make me wonder why in an electronic age that we live in that mistakes can still happen.  I guess that fluidity no longer exists when bolstering confidence comes to center stage.  Computers cannot do it all, you know.  It takes a person to be detail-orientated to catch the mistakes.  In the hustle and bustle of life, more mistakes are made and nobody actually has the time, attention span, or patience to correct before it is shared.

I guess the reason for today's blog is for people to actually think about what they are to share before actually sharing.  Even think before acting would be nice.  It makes understanding the who, what, where, why and how in life....  and to realize that not everything needs to be sensationalized to get a person's attention.

Thanks for reading....  

What do you think....

This morning I was on Facebook and since I am a fan of Channel 2 News Chicago, their networking person shared an article about a small town in Baltimore that is passing a law that states their county is making the English language its primary (and basically only) language to be spoken.  Basically, it is a scream of conformity in the premise that if you live in America... you need to speak the language.  I can only gather that the tolerance of catering to people that flat-out refuse to learn the English language has hit its breaking point.

While I agree that America is an English speaking country, we have been seen as a melting pot of diversity.  Good old Lady Liberty states that everyone is welcome.  Too bad it did not have the added clause of requirement of consideration of the language being a factor.  I have to admit... I am a tolerant person.  While I whole-heartily agree that showing conformity to a foreign land is just common courtesy, there are plenty of people that either feel that heritage surpasses the ability to change or they feel that the masses should accept diversity and conform to cater to them.  Better said...  refusal to learn the language is a rude behavior that has them (the non-conforming person) expect special conditions just for their language because of the language barrier.

While America has been seen as a tolerant nation that accepts all, we are also the weakest nation when it comes to standing firm on its principles.  Having me press 1 for English is beyond frustrating, but quasi-racist. Since when it is up to us to decide what language we want to be talked to.  Chances are, we will end up with a person that has such a thick accent that be can barely understand a word that is said.  While I can appreciate the efforts of the person that obviously has a dialect issue, I find it painfully irritating to try to comprehend.

Since it appears that conformity has been allowed to Spanish speaking people, I do see it as biased against other languages like German, Polish, French, Russian, and Chinese.  Obviously, I missed far more languages since there are more countries with other languages to list, but you get my point.  There are not enough buttons on my phone to select that many different languages.  Point being said, people that speak other languages other than Spanish had to conform to speaking English when they came here.  So what makes Spanish speaking people so special?  Are the less intelligent?  Or are they just more stubborn to change?

As I see this...  that little town near Baltimore has finally said "enough is enough".  Who can blame them?  I sure can't.  While the constitution never stated that there is a required language, we really cannot see that little town in Baltimore as being able to stand firm on its law they passed, but kudos to them for trying.  I just wonder....  when will the day come when every person can show respect for where they live.  I know that if I was to move to a foreign land, I would learn the language.  I even know quite a few people that would agree with that statement.  I just wonder if the people that choose to not conform would understand.  It is all about respect... wouldn't you think?

Thanks for reading... Have a great day :)

Whoops, forgive me for forgetting.....

Today's blog has some religious context.  While I admit that I am not a person that talks all that much about religion, I am a believer.  I just believe that things like religion (being so vast in choices and all) is a personal thing and to not be shoved down the throat of every person I come across.  If you feel that my sharing moment about religion is a sensitive subject to you.... May I suggest you stop here and stay tuned for another blog I will most certainly put out for the world to see that may or may not offer some entertainment value without religious undertones.  Thanks :)

It has been well known that there are certain times of the year in the Catholic calendar that reflect upon the mysteries of the faith.  While it is shared every week in mass, there will always be some sort of awe inspiring mystery to the faith.  Miracles are usually the first and foremost things discussed as noteworthy things that cannot be explained.  Then there, of course, are the mentions of Christ's death and resurrection.  While normal folk, like ourselves, cannot fathom how a person who, in all intended words, can return to the living once pronounced dead.  That belief is a testament to undying faith.  While I can say, without a doubt of waver in my response, believe completely that there is a greater being out there and his name is, God.  I believe in his son, Jesus Christ.  I believe in how he came to be.  While being born from the womb of a virgin may seem a little far-fetched, it is a miracle that is believed.  I believe that there is a heaven, I fear that there is a hell, and knowing that I am far from perfect will be concerned about where I will be going when my time comes because I will always fear the unknown.  It is not like someone that manages to pass away is able to tell me that I have a guaranteed ticket to the pearly gates.

While this religious calendar has been far from random in how it goes, we have certain times of the year that we are needed to make personal changes and challenges to become closer with God.  One time is called Lent.

For those that are not familiar with the Lenten season when it comes to Catholic faith, here is a shortened version of what it is about and what we, the Catholic faithful, do.  Lent is a period of 40 days and 40 nights, spanning between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday.  It is a period of prayer, penance, fasting and self denial.  Until recently, I included Sundays for Lent, but in all actuality it is not counted.  This period of time reflects upon many aspects of the bible.  Ranging from the time Moses spent on Mt. Sinai with God, to the rain that Noah built his arc for, and more.  The number 40 was mentioned quite a few times and has been embraced as the time frame for Lent.  During Lent, Catholic and Christian followers take 40 days and 40 nights to reflect through prayer, go to mass to seek forgiveness (besides confessional), abstain from eating meat (on Fridays), and make a personal sacrifice of something that challenges you (as like when Satan tried to tempt Jesus, but not as extreme).  Once Easter arrives (which is also noted for the return of Christ), we can go back to eating meat on Fridays and what we gave up can come back into our lives.  It is a testament of faith, belief and strength.  While I am aware that some of these practices are man-made, it is to test the moral fiber of every follower.

Since Lent is an annual thing, like Christmas, the 4th of July, and all the other holidays...  it should be easily remembered, but since not everyone is Catholic or Christian...  it is a holiday that not everyone partakes in and can be easily misplaced in planning.  This year has been no different than others, but being on a budget from week to week, forgetting that there needs to be a meatless choice every week does happen.  Obviously, I forgot to look at the calendar this month and planned ahead.  I also have not put much thought in what I will be giving up for Lent.  Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  In the practices of my youth, we are to not eat meat.  Last year, out of curiosity I grabbed a sheet from Church after the Ash Wednesday services to see what is actually required.  Little did I know, they changed the rules and I was supposed to not eat an actual meal for the whole day.  While I am allowed to have a snack to curb the hunger pains, what I was to allowed to eat should not total what a meal is, combined.  Epic fail last year.  I was determined to do better this year and realized that our meal planning for the week did not consider Lent starting tomorrow...  Yet another fail in progress.  While it is quite easy for me to just not eat, I cannot do that to a growing daughter and a husband that is not a perfectly practicing Catholic.  While DH may seem so lax in the religious practices, and I not being excessively demanding that we go to mass every week (we could be a bit more consistent)...  I would at least like to try to follow at least one practice in its entirety.  I just wonder how I can fix my oops before it becomes an oops repeated.

Well, off to do a little soul searching to figure what I am willing to give up and what I can do to actually not make that oops tomorrow....

Thanks for reading and have a great day!!

HA! Figures.....

Ever thought you could ever get ahead just to have something happen that sets you back a few steps?  Obviously, if I was unable to laugh, I would be crying...  So with a sigh and the need to vent where I cannot get judgement placed upon me from DH that I am yet spending money for something I have zero control over.  Just stupid fate pressing me just a little deeper in to the dirt is how I see this....

I happen to have a sweet tooth... yes, I do.  I just have zero patience when it comes to hard candy.  While I cam perfectly capable of letting it dissolve in my mouth, I prefer to crunch it into tiny pieces.  Same goes for ice cubes.  Just that feeling of being able to break something solid into smaller pieces just by the strength of my jaw and teeth seems so appealing to me.. or is it possible that my impatient nature does that to me.

It was a Friday afternoon that I decided to accept a piece of candy from DD.  Something from her stash of Valentines Day candies she received at school....  Just a simple little "sucker" or "lollipop" (if you prefer one name over the other).  Life Savers cherry flavored (one of my favorites), on a stick of all things.  After thanking her for the candy offering, I unwrapped this innocent thing and popped it in my mouth.  Not being a huge fan of things like this on sticks, the overwhelming urge to chomp down and get that stick into the garbage came to the surface.  I was that owl in the Tootsie Pop commercial...  yep, 3 licks and then a huge crunch.  Noticing it sounded a little louder than usual, I did not put much thought into it other than it was not melted down as much as I usually go to before chewing it all up.  Little did I know.... you can fracture a tooth doing that, and obviously I must have.

Fast forward to the next day....  Keeping remotely busy at work, I realized that I forgot to pack a lunch for myself.  As hunger starts to creep up, I decided to go get a sandwich from Jimmy John's when I had a free moment.  "Freaky fast sandwiches" is what they state is their claim to fame and I cannot disagree.  By the time I filled my drink, my sandwich was ready.  Back at work, in the break room, I dig into actual food to sustain me for the rest of my day.  Having a tendency to be a fast eater (all from training through working in my environment since we really do not get an actual lunch break to rest), I get half way through this sandwich.  Jimmy John's uses crunchy, Italian style bread for their sandwiches.  I suddenly hear a "snap" and felt something hard in my mouth.  Wondering what in the heck that was, I spit out my mouthful of food to find a chunk of my tooth.  Feeling no pain, but a strong sense of concern, my tongue feverishly seeks out where this lost piece of tooth came from.  Finding it rather quickly, I race to the bathroom mirror to see the damage.  Completely repulsed and frustrated that this happened, I grab my cell phone and call my dentist.  Obviously, their office was closing and I got to talk to my dentist while making an appointment to get this fixed.

My dentist knows me and figured how this would have happened....  He knows my tendencies to crunch things that should be left to dissolve in your mouth and asked me if I ate any hard candy or was chewing on ice cubes in the past 24 hours or so.  I did and he knew it.  Feeling quite bad that I was a month late for my semi-annual cleaning, he gave me a little "ribbing" that I could have avoided this, but set me up for a 9am appointment to fix the damage.

Once I hung up with my dentist, a deep feeling of guilt washed over me.  Realizing that this visit to the dentist is going to cost more than a run of the mill cleaning, I called DH to try to soften the blow.  Knowing that trying  to actually soften the blow to DH never really works, I tried anyway.  Apparently, I woke him up from one of his many Saturday naps.  He sounds all reasonable and tells me that if I have to go... I have to go.  "We'll manage", he tells me.  HA!  Once I got home from work, finished making the side dish to what was in the crock pot, cooking all day, it was only a matter of time when the other shoe was gonna drop.  I guess he does see how bad I feel about spending money on myself and has been quite gentle with his "dropping of the other shoe", by mentioning he needed new headphones for his mp3 player, but will have to "make do" with his jacked up ones since I will be spending the mother-load on my tooth...  Thanks dear!!  The discomfort of constantly feeling where my tooth broke was not punishment enough... now I have yet another notch in the list of "Nancy spends too much money" to deal with, too.  Just when I was starting to feel that we were doing better financially...  Fate made sure that cannot happen... just yet.

I can only hope that since there is no pain where the tooth broke, I can avoid a root canal.  Just discomfort where that jagged edge scrapes the inside of my mouth.  After this is fixed, I will remember to keep my dentist appointments and tell DH to deal while we did not budget for my dentist appointments.  We budgeted for DD... not for me.... the invisible money waster...  Maybe my dentist was right....  Prevention is key and even though I hate spending money on myself during hard times, I just have to...  Now, if I can only remember to stop crunching things that should not be crunched in the first place....

Social angst....

What does social mean to you?

I sought out what social means and here is my take on it....  Being social is relating and interacting with people.  While the concept does not state how a person is to relate or interact, but there are some ideas on how a person can relate or interact that do not include electronics.  Oh, you probably just realized that this is my take on social angst when social sites are involved.  Yep, chances are I am either going to piss you off or enlighten you, but the time has come to share my feelings on the subject....

Social sites like Facebook and Twitter are to connect people all over the world in one place.  While the concept is something we all like, it can bring on feelings that we did not ask for.  As I cannot judge what others feel about these social sites, nor can I actually complain about their existence because I can openly admit that I am a Facebook junkie.  I like the concept...  talking to people I do not see on a regular basis, reconnecting with lost friends, making new ones, and all the other pros that social sites can offer.  It is far faster to communicate with someone compared to hand-writing a letter and putting it in the mailbox, and it is far more convenient to share thoughts and ideas to a larger base of people compared to physically driving to parts unknown and seek out people to talk to.  While most of my friends on Facebook are local, I do have a large number of friends that are not.  Okay, enough on my disclosure that I am not trying to bash social sites...

What I have noticed is that these social sites are portraying one large pissing contest.  It seems to boil down to who you know and how many choose to know you.  One thing never considered is that there is a major popularity contest going on and people are getting a little depressed about it.  What has not been taken into consideration is how people try to be social and feel left out.  It could be because of opinion, attitude, or the inability to capture an audience.  What seems to bother me about social sites like these is that it appears to be some anti-socialism brewing under the surface.  This is where my played-out phrase becomes center stage....

"BACK IN MY DAY"... people paid attention to those around them.  There was not internet, no cell phones, and no Facebook.  People actually paid attention to who they were with and were not glued to their cell phone with internet access.  While it is nice to share what you are up to and who you are with, it becomes a huge distraction to actually enjoying a social interaction with actual people.  As stated above, I have no qualms with these social sites...  I just have an issue with how consuming it is to actual life.

While I cannot place blame on people because of this, because I have tendencies to have Facebook up and running throughout my day, I feel that there is a deeper addiction that people are in denial about.  As I cannot confirm, nor deny, there has been times I see people constantly checking their Facebook account while out with friends.  The only way I have managed to avoid joining the increasing numbers of people that cannot step away from sharing everything on Facebook is to not have internet access on my cell phone and I do not carry a laptop everywhere I go.  When I am out with friends, I am focused on them.  While I have caught a few being locked in on their phones, I can only wonder if Facebook is less social in the actual concept of being social.  As I have joked by saying talking is far more effective compared to bantering on the same status update while sitting next to each other....  There is a small ring of truth there.

I guess that is why I rarely try to update my status with anything newsworthy.  I like to be an original, but being original does not get a huge following of comments from my friends.  Chances are, that is where people tend to feel left out, unworthy or even unappreciated.  It has been stated that social sites like Facebook and Twitter have managed to cause depression in people that never experienced it before.  Sadness, frustration and cries for attention seem to be taking center stage.  Kind of like when we were kids trying to "one-up" someone for the coveted spot in the center of the attention.  It makes me wonder how social sites can help a person feel better when algorithmic patterns can make you seem invisible.  That is where I see the anti-socialism brewing under the surface.  Basically, the popular ones taking over what is supposed to be social to the masses.  Is that healthy to one's psyche?  I don't see it, but in real life... being the quiet one in the corner does not make you all that memorable either.

Has these sites made it harder to actually be social in the real world?  You tell me....

Thanks for reading :)

Love and marriage.....

Oh, to feel loved is something that everyone strives for.  Really, what is love?  We all know that it is an emotion that surpasses all other feelings two people can share.  When a person finally finds love, we tend to feel invincible to the challenges of life.  It is what people believe that endures everything and never falters.

I have been married for almost 14 years and I wonder where that young love has gone.  I can state with complete honesty that I do love my husband, but it is no longer the type of love that I had in the early years of our marriage.  Probably because even though love endures, the intensity does fade.  I remember going through what people call "the red tape" of classes that Catholics go through in order to get married in a church setting.  In young love, two that become one is such a wonderful concept, but the Catholic faith does try to forewarn you that there will be challenges that you will face along your journey called marriage.  While money and other outside forces test the strength of a commitment, there are points that never become considered.  I call this... change in perceptions.  Communication is key in sharing thoughts, feelings, desires, and goals.  Young love has no problems with communication.  Little do people know, it is when young love matures things become difficult.  Communication becomes less, sharing becomes strained, and the concept of what love is changes.

I had to learn this the hard way.  What I felt was so important in a relationship really means nothing once time changes a person.  All of those little things you felt that you can live without become a major problem in growth from young love to mature love.  The time frame for love to mature does not exist.  You can be with a person for 20 years and maturity will still not be there, or you can be with someone for 6 months and have maturity hit you like a brick wall.  It is all in how two people connect.  While I like to see myself as "young at heart", I tend to find myself unhappy quite a bit.  I have become sensitive to my environment and weak in my composure to dealing.  I am not sure how this happened, but I am really quick at finding excuses.  A big excuse that I have been hanging onto is expectations without verbalization.  I just cannot find the words to share my feelings without sounding crass, rude, or demanding.  As I have searched deep within my soul to find a way to express myself, to be heard, to be understood, or to even justify why I feel this way... I feel like I have hit a brick wall too high and too strong to overcome.  While the thought of going around such obstacles seems far easier than to overcome, I know that any sense of accomplishment would be destroyed and in the end makes me a weak person, or guilt-ridden.

But how does one accomplish something that is impossible?  When two become one through marriage, how is it even remotely possible to feel detached?  Easy....  It is acceptance in the face of need.  Accepting that feeling that you cannot be heard, accepting that your significant other lost focus on your needs, accepting a role that has been placed upon you and dealing with less interest in who you are.  While perceptions vary from person to person, nobody can seem to expand their focus on the whole picture.  When one component of a whole thing is the main focus, it is far easier to let things, albeit what you feel is insignificant in your eyes, become very significant in another's and cause a rift between the two.  Another way of explaining it is what role a person takes in a union...  Caregiver or provider, is very possible to feel not understood of your sacrifices you do on your own compared to what both actually do when they are melded together.  Being told that your sacrifices of being the provider are not appreciated once money has been spent, or telling someone that you have given all that you can in caring for an unappreciative family unit...  Two separate components never melding into one.  This can cause for separate thinking into only wanting to do what makes you happy and never considering the other person, thus creating a rift that may not be repairable.

When communication breaks down, appreciation diminishes and the desire to seek out what you feel is lacking becomes almost consuming.  No longer feeling that young love really hurts.  What mature love offers is companionship and nothing else.  Romance is gone.  While love still exists, it is... different.  Not exactly what you figured it would be or all that you hoped for.  It almost feels more like an obligation compared to something offered freely.  In fact, it feels similar to detachment of deep connection.  All it takes is for something scary to make you realize that even though mature love lacks the feeling of young love, you still have a connection that cannot be denied, but you still hope for better anyway.  Now only if both people realize this at the same time, there is a distinct possibility that what was feeling less than sufficient can become adequate or more.  I just wonder when that would happen in my life to see if it works because something is putting a major damper on growth in my marriage.  I do love my husband, I strive for more from our commitment to each other, but I feel as if my earlier desire for someone that was not all clingy or sappy in the romance department could be the reason why I feel I need more and his desire to not see it.  Maybe that is where love seems to be so elusive to attain....  The expectations of growth.

Why can't I understand him?

As I shake my head and sigh in a giggling sort of way this morning, I can only call this my, "I am confused" state of mind phase.  Here is why... I think....

As I become informed that DD is going to be in a 2-ball tournament tonight that DH cannot make it to, I was asked to video her performance (I am not sure what 2-ball is, but I was told that it is like basketball.  I guess I will understand what this is after tonight's game).  While this is a reasonable request by DH, I find it amazing that after fighting endlessly over letting me get a video camera and the lack of usage an investment like that would be, he seems so appreciative of something he fought so hard to not let me get one which I did with money I saved from my tip money at work.  While the idea was to get it months earlier because of DD's black light chorus performance last year and to have it early enough for when I thought she would have pushed for getting her black belt test done to record it, I did manage to get it on my own.  Since she is still dragging her heels at getting her black belt, I can honestly say that I am now ready for it.

Now, as I have managed to have some pretty good ideas lately, I see that DH refuses to see things my way, but does manage to appreciate them after the fact, but never admits that I am right.  What is that all about?  Is this just another level of that "I win, you lose" game that I still seem to lack talent in playing?  I swear, it is like a major mind game when it comes to him.  I am not a mind reader, but somehow, he seems to think I can read his.

Why is it so hard for someone to admit they are wrong?  Why is it so hard to say "thank you" when someone plans ahead?  I just don't get it....  I get the feeling like I am not worthy of being appreciated because of some DNA factor that believes that women are not to be heard or appreciated for what they do.  Is it possible that in DH's youth, his parents presented this as what normal is?  Did DH's father show lack of respect to the woman he married because she took on the role of caregiver for their children?  I know that DH respects me, but not at the level of respect that encompasses appreciation for all that I do for him and our family?  Maybe it is not respect, but acknowledgement that I am smart enough to solve problems or potential future issues?  While I understand the basic needs he has, we still cannot seem to connect at a level where we are actually equals.  I wonder if being remotely intelligent scares him.  If he wanted to marry a moron, well, he married the wrong girl.  Maybe my curiosity makes him uncomfortable.  I would never know because HE NEVER TELLS ME ANYTHING!

I mean, I am not asking too much if I ask for a little appreciation or acknowledgement for my efforts.  I admit I get some, but it is so obvious it is just to appease me when I reach the end of my rope with him.  The "thanks for making dinner", is so played out, I am starting to believe that this is just over-rehearsed fodder to fill the silence when he is home.  I should know...  Asking how his day went has become less of actual curiosity as opposed to feeling that I am appeasing him by showing interest in something I rarely think about.  He works....  It does not require a tinker tape parade every time he comes home?  No, but I manage to make it feel like one anyway with dinner done and the channel changed to something he likes to watch.

The only time he feels compelled to share anything is when I manage to do something that rubs him the wrong way.  Here are a few examples....  spending money on anything that does not benefit only him or DD, not getting all the laundry done when he is need of socks, and making something that consists of anything he does not like to eat (extra example:  having mushrooms, spinach, zucchini, mayo, mustard or any undesirable foods prepared in a recipe).  Even when I went into protest mode for cleaning up after DD and DH, he eventually did have a whine session that the house was getting messy.  One time he went into crazed mode over a pen not being where he last placed it and if I did not get a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom early enough because the current one was low.  

I have never thought that I married a control freak, but I did manage to learn that there are various levels of control freak.  There are some that feel compelled to control your life and there are ones that have no interest in controlling your life, but have major control issues with their own environment.  I dated a control freak that felt compelled to control my life and ran as fast as I could from that relationship.  I just never considered the other form of control freak when I married DH.  How could have I known?  He was so laid-back, I swear, I thought I needed a stick to poke him to see if he was alive at times.  Perpetually late for just about everything had me on edge on our wedding day.  I had to enlist all of the groomsmen to help guarantee that he would make it to the church on time.  No wonder why I had my first panic attack on my wedding day...

Heck, he is far from romantic and I do not recall a compliment on how nice I looked that day.  I wore a dress willingly and I hate dresses.  All I can say is that I felt I married my best friend that day and that is all that mattered to me.  He made me feel comfortable, he made me laugh, and he loves me.  Little did I know that my tomboy tendencies could not figure that once I was wooed, everything eventually goes back to being friends.  I do have to admit, when he does do something for me without being asked... my heart does melt just a little.  I just wonder why he cannot be consistent.

That is just a mystery that is never meant to be solved, I guess....

Thanks for reading and have a great day!!!

Dreams...

A dream is a wish your heart makes, a nightmare is a test of strength...

Interesting thing... dreams.  I could honestly do without the chances of having a nightmare, but everything is a 50/50 chance.  I just wonder what you do when a dream creates feelings once you wake up.  My curiosity has gotten the best of me today.

While I cannot muster the strength to tell you what my dream was about, I can share some examples of dreams that can either mirror or share some similarity to what I have been dreaming lately with the feelings that manage to make its appearance after I wake up.  I know, I know...  total bummer I am not going to put names or faces to my dreams, but these are my dreams and nothing less, right?

Lets say...  You had a recent run-in with an old friend.  For the sake of bringing a more poignant factor to this...  an old flame.  Both are considered "off the market".  You know, in a committed relationship with another.  One person musters the courage to explore some old feelings and kisses the other.  Yes, kind of like the short story I made a while back.  Now, in this dream, you accept this minute tryst because in real life, you really desire to be wanted because your current situation actually feels less than a sappy romance novel and wake up with feelings that can either make you feel more confident about yourself, curious if that could really happen, or guilty that you had that kind of dream.  Well, could this be considered a dream or a threshold to a nightmare?  It depends upon how you take it, right?  It is just thought during sleep and no real action is taken.

How about this one...  You recently had a deep heart to heart talk with an old friend from years ago that you could only see as being a really good friend, but later find out that they had a huge crush on you.  In fact, after hearing about how this person desired you for years, and still does, but respects that you have a life with someone else gives you a sense of having a real life stalker.  In reality, you know that this person is harmless and in no way local to where you live, but end up having a dream that you are still being watched by this person.  Is this a dream because you believe that they only want to protect you, a nightmare because the word stalker is something people would rather not have in their lives, or is this your subconscious warning you that not everyone is as they appear to be?

Here is another one....  In real life, you are doing everything you can to make your current relationship situation work, but know that life offers no guarantees.  You end up having a dream that shows you that being alone is a distinct possibility.  Even after death you notice that your choices in life for the sake of a relationship makes you forgotten by the people you believed were your friends when nobody comes to your funeral.  Nightmare or subconscious sign that you need to put more people first?  Embellishing just a bit more on this one....  How about the thought of death?  Does the spirit remain until after the goodbyes from friends and family?  Does the spirit remain to see who shows up to your funeral?  Does the spirit hear what people say about you that they could never say to your face?  Does the spirit see the pain those left behind endure?  Does your passing really make an impact on those that know you?  Do you, the entity that hovers over the living, take an assessment of who you were as a person by the people that show up to your funeral to know if you were truly loved or not?  I mean, you are dead...  there is nothing you can do to change your end result, but if you could... would you?

While some dreams can be just wacky or completely inconceivable, we do have some that manage to affect us well after we are awake.  Is this the muse in our lives to wonder a little more?  To question more?  To change who we are just a little more?  To change our thought process more?  To believe there is something better better waiting for you?  Could our dreams and nightmares be learning tools for after we are awake?  Is it possibly something that predicts our future?  Is it something that tests the waters?  Or is it our minds playing out feelings we could never consider acting out?  Fortunately, dreams and nightmares are just thoughts during sleep and are not reality.  Those things did not really happen, but we do happen to have the ability to react to them nonetheless.

So this dream I had last night is still ringing in my head.  I still wonder, I still feel something about it, and it does make me have the desire to just ask this person one worded question.....  "Why?"...  but I won't.

Have a great day and thanks for reading :)  

Question answered....

Ever notice that just about on every comedy-driven show that has a husband and wife in it, the wife is so into taking ballroom dancing lessons or going to a play or opera?  Apparently, TV writers have been using that bit for quite a while.  Nowadays, it is far less, but it does manage to sneak its way back in there from time to time.  It made me wonder why women would think that this stuff is considered fun.  I know that I have tomboy tendencies and would rather go to a truck rally or a car show, but in the grand scheme of things, it made me wonder where a woman would get an idea like this.  While going to a play might be fun for some, I just cannot find the excitement.  Opera or ballroom dancing looks like a total snore fest to me.  If DH asked me to go to any of those things, I have no doubt that I was being punished for something or his desire of self-punishment needed a buddy to share the experience with because he has zero interest in things like that.  DH is a very basic guy...  Give him a beer, pizza, and some good friends.  That is the recipe for a good time to him.

While I see things the same as him, I have noticed that my desire to do something.... better yet... anything, has placed me in the position of a typical woman.  I started getting interested in things I know that DH would absolutely hate.  Lucky for him, it is things that do not require his presence.  I would not mind taking an art class or a beading class.  Maybe join a book club or take a refresher course on sewing.  Even taking a cooking class would sound fun.

I wondered why the sudden interest in things like this and the answer came as bright as a light bulb that indicates an idea or "ah ha" moment....  Women get the desire to do something different because they are living the snore fest that their significant other feels is "good enough entertainment".  Lets see a man do the same crap day in and day out because they feel it is far more important to make someone happy (and not necessarily yourself).  Yes, I see that men toil at their daily job and that, in essence, is like doing the same thing every day, but women do that and more.  While my domestic duties has me biting at the bit to run away and never return, I accommodate my husband's desire to do absolutely nothing when he is home.  My goodness!  I just don't think I can take another episode of his handful of shows on TV every time he is home. All it has been is reruns or the story line is so blah that even new episodes seem to feel like reruns.  He prefers to watch only a handful of movies and even though they are classics...  after the 30th or 40th time watching them... they do get a little old and boring.  Believe me, when you can just about recite the movie from beginning to end...  it is time to move onto something else.  Even the concept of food has become repeat performances after repeat performances.  His picky palate now resembles a "food jag" that children go through.  And just to think that it took me almost 3 years to get DD off her hot dog kick... I figured I could handle mundane food choices, but with DH's selection.... I think I might just go mad!!

So there you have it, folks....  If you are in a committed relationship and your significant other is biting at the bit to do something you see as a punishment....  Take the time to reassess what you see going on.  If there is no variety, you better figure a new spin on something different that you can tolerate or go back and do something you have not done in years that was remotely fun.  That, or suck it up, man, and just do as you are asked.  An idle mind is a terrible thing.

Lucky for DH, all it took for me to get some new air in my stagnant life was to buy a new grill pan and try a new recipe this week.  Crisis averted, but still bobbing near the surface.  I wonder if he can ease up on the budget a bit and let me sign up for Zumba, Yoga, cooking class or art class....  Well, off to do more laundry...

Thanks for reading and have a great day!!

Chasing the same tail...

Ever feel that life is too predictable and routine?  Kind of like being a dog that chases it's tail?  I know I feel that way.  I have come to the conclusion that my life is a routine.  I like to see myself as an explorer compared to a thrill seeker.  I would never jump from a plane for fun, tie a bungee chord and leap from a tall bridge, or go swimming with the sharks to break this mundane cycle that we call "life".  Just being somewhere with something to do is what I like.  It can be as simple as going to a museum, the zoo, or even a bar.  While being at these places can become quite droll after a while, it does hold some form of entertainment because there are people around.  I guess you can call me a social explorer of sorts.  I just find it so comical that I have a family that is so tightly wound that they cannot see the fun life can have when it comes to our "family time".  Between DH with his job that occupies him during the week, DD with school, and my part time job that consumes my Saturdays... we get really only one day (Sunday) to enjoy each others company.  Sadly, both DH and DD do not have the social explorer gene in them.  Well, not when it consists having the family involved.  On their own, they are perfectly capable of having fun with other people.  I would have just hoped that they could consider their family as potential fun.

I swear, Sundays are the longest day of my week.  We spend that day together, but it is just routine and predictable.  Make breakfast, make the grocery list for the week, and do the shopping.  That is not the trio of a fun filled day for me.  They even have the lack of motivation to help put the groceries away or wash the morning dishes.  That has become my routine... cook, clean and put away.  DH watches the marathon of reruns of a handful of shows that are capable of boring a person to sleep (which he does throughout the day), DD disappears into her room and has at least 2 forms of electronic entertainment (her mp3 player and her laptop) going, and I get to return back to what I do all the time.... cook, clean and put away things.  DH with his routine of who, what, where, when and how he does things even sets me into snore mode.  His demands for what he likes is so intense that I believe that he has tunnel vision.  His recent bitching over the new location of our grocery store not having his choice in nuts made me lose my patience with him for the rest of the day.  Apparently, his tunnel vision over where the pen is that he uses to pay the bills sets him into a tirade if it is not where he placed it.  The moans and sighs of disgust and frustration are like sandpaper on my last nerve.  Once he is appeased, then at least I get to relax because I am the only one to fix his broken routine apparently.  The endless nitpicking over minuscule details is setting me on the edge of doing something stupid. What I need done takes weeks to get done.  He finally finished fixing the washing machine yesterday.  Nice to know he prolonged that repair.  Now I am so far behind on laundry that it is gonna take me a solid week to catch up when it usually took me only one day.  I can only gather that his interest in finally fixing the washing machine is because of my stubbornness in not washing any of his clothes until it is fixed and he is running out of clean socks.  Well, he can wait now.  I do whites last and if it is gonna take me a week... well plan on getting clean socks by the weekend...LOL.  Sucks to wait, right?

While I try to be on the weight watchers lifestyle, I have refused to track anything because we eat the same stuff every week.  Mr. Tunnel Vision and Little Miss Routine (both picky eaters) cannot look through a cookbook and get a new idea for me that they will agree upon as something new.  Our budget is in place and toying with that would offer change that DH cannot embrace.  Believe me, I have a small library of cookbooks that offer variety to the droll and mundane menu that they prefer, but as long as I can avoid yet another complaint that there is something different in our lives...  I will work with what I have to work with.  Kind-of like an artist that is required to make the same artwork over and over again because of demand.  I am just too tired to try anymore.  If they want to see the world in only one color, they can have that....  As for me.... It is Monday and they are not here.  This is my chance to go and do something different just for me and me alone.  I love it when I have the opportunity to no longer chase the same tail.

On a side note:  I did try to play along with the bantering game that DH and DD play that drives me on the brink of insanity.  All it did was make DH feel left out.  As I played, he sat quietly and said that he was there just for the ride and did not participate.  Talk about not embracing change.  I guess there has to be a grownup in this mix and he thinks it should be me......  How sad is that?

Now, off to my weekly weigh in....  sigh.

Have a great day and thanks for reading :)

Losing my cool.....

The past few days has been frustrating, to say the least.  While I do my best to accept that there are people that lack the brain power to think before acting, I think I have lost my last nerve and fear that I will become the one who treats the next moron like a person potty training a puppy.  You know, be stern with my words and show them their shortcomings.  While people that have trained puppies can attest to that when a pup has an accident without showing any sign that they need to go outside, they put that pups nose to the mess and then take them outside.  Regardless of how many newspapers you lay out, the end result is never always what you wanted.  With a little persistence, even a dog can learn... so why not people is what I am thinking....

Monday is not my favorite day, but for a person that actually needs a break from all of that "family time" from the weekend...  I accept it just fine.  "Family time" is best described as 3 people in one house with nothing to do and nowhere to go, except the weekly shopping trip.  Little trips to the zoo, a museum, or even window shopping at the mall are no longer considered.  Quite boring, if you ask me, but with the budget being pulled so tight that the strings are about to break off...  optional extra curricular events are denied once it has been mentioned.  Well, Monday morning, I proceed to take my heel-dragging daughter to school, I experience gridlock from bad drivers dropping off their kids.  Actually, I believe that they feel entitled to sit and watch their child go line up in a drop off zone.  Not exactly doing the required action, but there are parents that really have nothing better to do or anywhere pertinent to go to.  While, trying to turn a corner and keep moving, I witness a woman in full road rage (flailing her arms and screaming) at the car directly in front of her.  The posted speed limit for a school zone is 20mph and the car in front of her is doing just that.  She was in a rush and did not seem to care about the rules of the road or posted speed limit signs.  As she tailgates this person, I feel my frustration rise.  I hate being tailgated as much as seeing others get tailgated.  It makes my skin crawl at the potential of an accident by just tapping the brakes.  While I was secretly hoping that this would happen so I could give little miss road rage a piece of my mind.  I even imagined how I would do it, given the chance to really let loose my feelings...  Grabbing her by the back of her head and smacking her face on the posted speed limit sign was what I think a moron needs to snap out of their entitlement phase that refuses to follow the rules.  All the while, I would have a smile on my face because a smile makes it look like I was being nice about it, right?  As I think that fortunately or sadly for this woman, nothing happened and I never got the opportunity to be brutal with a smile on my face.

Tuesday comes along.  Seeing this as a new day, I did my best to let go my frustration from the day before.  A grocery store that our family goes to every week just opened a new location that is closer to my home.  While we do not shop on a weekday, I was curious if this new store had the same layout as the one we have been going to and went there just to take a peek.  While there was mass chaos in the lot and store, I was keeping my frustration levels quite low.  Well, that is, until it was time to leave.  Yet another clueless person felt compelled or entitled to slowly saunter down the middle of the aisle of the parking lot with her cart with an air about her that says she was in her own little world and that the other people trying to drive past her did not exist.  A loud sigh came from my lips and my little pressure cooker valve that keeps my frustrations at a livable level started to release a little steam that I had building up.  I had complete restraint from actually doing anything, but could not hold back saying something about what I thought of her inconsiderate act.  I am not sure she heard my comment about her IQ lacking common sense and that she is not the only one in the parking lot to actually consider walking along the side instead of the middle, but my window was open and I did speak loudly so who knows.... she might have heard me.  At least I did not get out of my truck to do anything about it.

Wednesday comes along.  The day seemed to go quite smooth.  I had to take DD and another child to their taekwondo class that evening.  The mother of the other child decided to drop her child off at my house because she could not be in two places at once since her other child had basketball practice or a game at the same time.  As this other child talks constantly, I turn on my selective hearing and manage to entertain DD and this child until we had to leave.  Seemed to go well and thought that the wave of morons was over, but it was not.  After bringing DD home from her class (the other child had his parents coming to get him), having dinner and such, DD had the taste for something sweet.  Well, so did I, and since we do not have sweet stuff in the house besides fruit, we ventured out to the local 7-11.  As we enter the parking lot, there is a vehicle that did not want to actually park in one space, but parked across 3 spaces.  Right in front of the door to 7-11.  It was not a delivery vehicle, just a van with a woman putting on her makeup while her friend ran in to get something.  Now, if there are lines that mark where cars are to park, a normal and considerate person would park between the lines... not across them in the opposite direction.  Either this woman was a complete moron and got her license from a cereal box or she just felt entitled to believe that she is the only person on this planet to do as she wishes, her action was considered illegal, but in the sense of the law... parking lots are private property and are not ticketed unless the business owner files a complaint.  Obviously that was not going to happen.  As I hold back my frustration yet again, I park my truck and venture into the store with DD.  At the same time, the passenger to that vehicle saunters out of 7-11 and gets into the vehicle.  As I look over, the two of them are smiling and giggling.  My desire to wipe the smiles off their faces was intense.  I took a deep breath, mumbled some choice words and went about my business.  Getting home went smoothly and refused to leave the house again until this morning.

So far, after taking DD to school, there has been no incidents, but I did see a really cute dog standing next to their owner with a leash in its mouth as if it is asking for a real walk while the owner watched her child cross the street.  I think I need to keep that memory of the cute dog with its leash in its mouth.  Made me smile during the marathon of morons parade I have had for the past few days...  Here is to hoping that train of stupidity passes and I can pat myself on my back for showing restraint in the face of stupidity.

Thanks for reading....  Have a great day!!

What a difference a year makes....

Just a year ago, Illinois was pummeled with over 24 inches of snow, drifts hitting in the area between 3 and 4 feet.  Originally, the snow began on a year ago today.  The aftermath of the blizzard where the cleanup of that major dumping of snow was the next day.  While the aches of sore muscles eased and the blisters healed in record time, we can still remember that snowfall like it was yesterday.  While the mainstream media warned all of us that the winter of 2011-2012 was going to be just as bad, if not worse as the blizzard that hit us on February 2011... we became better prepared.  I find it interesting that hindsight is 20/20.  All it takes is for one incident where we were not as prepared as we should be to overcompensate in the future.

DH and I are the perfect example of learning from something the first time....  well, maybe more me than him.  He just benefits from what I think up.  Here are a few examples...

Living in a flood zone where the local government has zero ambition to actually seek out a superior solution or even find more competent engineers to create better solutions, we have mastered a system of cleanup that people find interesting.  Sadly, in order for DH to make any investment in things to make life a little easier required for me to purchase them as Christmas gifts.

Our first year of marriage, I bought DH a snow blower. Seeing him moan and complain about shoveling our driveway, albeit is not all that long, but is quite wide.  While the winters before DH and I got married were quite mild, I knew that it was just a matter of time that a major dump of snow will happen.  It was quite funny that after he opened his gift of a snow blower, we had a 12 inch snowfall just days later.  He definitely put some use out of that machine.

After getting married and being moved in to the home he purchased before I met him, we experienced our first flood together.  Prior to me being there, DH had a system of avoiding getting flooded, but it was just a matter of time he would miss the opportunity to close the sewer valve before it backs up.  I had purchased a carpet cleaner just after getting our dog, Molly.  Basically for the sole purpose of cleaning up during potty training, but became his go-to item when we did flood.  After seeing him use that machine once after a flood, he got a shop vac that pumps out the water for his next gift.  Of course, I did get a new carpet cleaner.  There was no way I was going to use that one again.

After seeing him make endless trips to the garage for tools he needed to fix things around the home, I took it upon myself to get him a toolbox for home and started filling it with tools he needed.  Yet another Christmas gift that lacked personality, but became a necessity.

One time, we had a major storm blow through our town.  The power was knocked out for 4 days.  While I could not predict something like that happening, I was the one who sought out where to get a generator.  With a little help from my neighbor, as I look to the heavens to thank him again, we got a generator and are now better prepared every time the power goes out (which is fairly often in my neighborhood).  Fortunately, DH set it up in a way that we can have general power throughout the house with one plug used.  Can't have the AC on, but saving the food in the fridge, run the TV, limited usage of lights, and keeping the hard-wired sump pump on the ready is more appreciated.

I just wonder....  Since we have been a more prepared home for natural disasters, I wonder if DH will ever allow us to be better prepared for other potential disasters.  We do not have a bomb shelter, we do not have a stockpile of food and water in our home, and we do not have a plan in action shall a serious event happen.  Not saying that our lessons learned over the years haven't been beneficial, but I would think it would not hurt to plan ahead a little more.  Well, maybe not a bomb shelter, but you never know with how things are escalating.

While a year can make a huge difference...  More people have snow blowers and generators than years past. They are better prepared because all it took was for one time they had to make due with what they had to realize that they were in need of these things.  What is more interesting is that even though people make the investments for these things, they may not be utilized as often as they would think.  The snowfall made us better prepared this time around, but we actually did not need to use them because weather is so unpredictable.  While a year ago, we had frigid temps and heavy snowfall.  This year has been far milder with days that neared the 60 degree mark and much smaller snow fall amounts.  It is just a little more comforting to know that you are prepared compared to not, right?  Just to think how much a person can learn over a year makes it just that much more exciting to see where that knowledge will take us.