Morbid thoughts.....

Recently another neighbor as left.  Not sure if she passed away, but it is a safe assumption to think so.  She was an elderly woman, widowed, that suffered a couple strokes over the past 5 years or so.  I never really knew the woman, she lived a solitary life.  DH met her once when he moved in a few years before I was in his life.  After a barrage of truck visits from who I can only assume was her children, there is now a "for sale" sign planted in her yard.  Somehow, this made me think about my other neighbor that passed away last fall.  He, I knew.

Makes me wonder if the days of knowing your neighbors is a passe' thing.  While I do know some of my neighbors, I do not know all of them.  Growing up in my childhood home, we seemed to know every family that lived on our block.  Now, we did not have a lot of social interaction with all the neighbors, but we at least managed to become familiar with them and would offer a smile and a kind "hello" when we saw them outside of their homes.  Nowadays, people prefer to keep to themselves.

Beyond the wondering if knowing your neighbors has become a passe' thing, it also made me wonder when a person passes away and the attendance to their funeral or memorial service.  While we all do have people that we have managed to keep in touch with, people that we lost touch with, and people that we have managed to touch in a way... it boils down to being remembered.  It is not like death can offer an invite to see all those people for one last time to say "goodbye" to them before passing on, or is capable of giving us an advance notice of when our time is up to make sure we said "I love you" one more time to all those people we do happen to love....  death just happens.  Accident or natural causes never prepares us for closure to those we leave behind.  Well, there are some that are informed that they have only so much time left and can actually do as much as they can before going, but that is something not everyone gets.  

While we try our hardest to never part with angry words to those we love, it does happen and it becomes an even more painful thing to overcome for those left behind.  We can only believe that no matter how angry people can get, there is always forgiveness in their hearts.... that they knew that they were loved when they did not feel it at the time.

What has me wonder is, if given the chance to get to know people, that there is a level of respect to appearing to the funeral of a person you once knew or currently know.  While I do not really know that this neighbor passed away, nor did I really get a chance to know her....  did she at least have a decent turnout to pay their final respects?  I knew that when my neighbor that I did know passed, there was actually some neighbors that attended besides myself.  While some of those neighbors ranged in various levels of getting to know that neighbor, some that barely knew him even attended.  I can only guess that they came out of respect.  While everyone cannot attend every funeral or memorial service, it does make me wonder when it becomes my time to pass on if anyone will attend my funeral.

Over the past few days, I have seen a a couple of funerals proceed through town.  I did not know any of those people, but you can see the number of cars in the parking lot of the funeral home or a line of cars at the church with "funeral" tags on them.  One was large and the other was quite small.  Was both people just as important even if the number of people that attended differed so much?  I believe so, but in the eyes of an outsider, it does make a person wonder about the life they did have and how much they shared  it with others.  Was one more popular than the other?  Did one make more of an impact upon the people around them than the other?  What makes it possible to compare if the life of the person that passed was a fruitful one or not?  I do not know.  Also, does everyone that knew that person actually go to these things?  Not necessarily.

While people are forced to embrace the idea that we all will eventually die, we do not look forward to it.  Leaving people behind to deal with the pain of loss is something nobody wants to have happen....  death is not a choice...  it is part of the cycle of life.  While people fear the inevitable... fight it with all their might...  do all they can to leave an impression behind to be remembered....  we all will succumb to the fact that our job is done and move on.  I just wonder if the undying spirit sticks around to see the fruits of their life one last time.  Does the eternal rest of the tangible body actually rest of nobody is there to say their "goodbyes".  Does their soul accept a a non-desired end result for their passing when it comes to who attended?  Have you ever wondered?

I guess why I am wondering is that the community of which these two neighbors shared (one being more social and the other not so much), noticed if any of their neighbors came to pay their last respects.  I went to one, but not the other and it actually made me wonder.

Spring forward.... Fall back....

Yawn... Good morning.

The Winter season is coming to a close and Spring is just around the corner.  If things were remotely considered "normal" around here, we would be starting to ever-so-slightly see the blanket of snow start to melt, but alas...  there is no snow on the ground.  As I have no complaints about the milder than normal winter we had (well, I know I have had a few from time to time), I just seem to have the hardest time adjusting to time changes.

Obviously, by now, you realize what I am talking about....  Daylight savings time changes.  Twice a year, we change our clocks according to the seasonal changes.  We gain an hour in the Fall and lose an hour in the Spring.  Not everywhere does this, ya know.  There are places along the time zones that are not required to change their clocks twice a year.  I remember hearing about this town in Indiana that happens to be right on the line between two different time zones and does not need to change their clocks.  Not sure what time zone they go by when it comes to when the news is aired on TV (you know, Eastern or Central), but they get the convenience of not needing to do all that much adjusting to time.  I cannot confirm, nor deny that there are probably more places that do not require that hour flux like most other people get to experience, but I would believe so.  I think I might want to move there....  I just have a hard time adjusting to the time change.  Eventually, I will get used to the hour difference, but my body just cannot reset that quickly.

In the Fall, we get that "extra hour" to sleep, and it takes me at least 2 weeks to finally adjust to utilize that "extra hour", which ends up being not really an extra hour.  Up before the sun rises when I do not have to feels really weird to me.  In the Spring, I have the same issue.  I just cannot get my body to adjust to losing that extra hour....  it takes me a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things, and it is a really hard couple of weeks.  Sleeping in when I need to be up becomes quite stressful.  I hate running behind.  If I had to choose which one I can handle better is when I have not adjusted to the extra hour when it comes to sleep, but I prefer the warmer weather and longer daylight.  Winter gets so dismal...  Shorter time of actual sunlight can depress the happiest of people.  Then there is the snow, the colder temperatures, and the lack of colors that can depress a person.  As my mom has said over the years....  "Winter makes the everything look dead and frozen."  I have to agree with that statement.  Even though winter does have its pretty moments with that glistening white blanket covering nature while it sleeps.  Once the road salt hits the ground, the tires hit the road, when the snow plows clear paths and when the snow starts to melt...  pretty dingy of a picture, if you ask me, but when a fresh layer of snow covers the ground and the "sleeping trees"....  it can be quite breathtaking.

While I do enjoy the longer days, the more sunshine, the warmer temperatures the Spring and Summer offer, I do kind-of dread the one thing that can be quite soothing to me....  rain.  Living in a flood zone is not fun or relaxing.  Being on constant guard over the water level in the laundry room drain on the floor is not my way of relaxing, but not having sewage back-up into my home is the intended goal.  Living like we are on a camping trip every time a heavy rain comes along kind of kills the interest in ever going camping for fun.  I would rather have the convenience of running water whenever I want to, but if he have to cut the sewer line to our house off the the main to avoid backup... it is a bad idea to have what you flushed come back up in the laundry room.  While it is part of life in my home... it is my home and adjusting is mandatory...  no doubt about it.  Would love to move, but we would have to do some major work to have it like those other houses that appeal to buyers.  One investment would set us back roughly 10K to fight nature when it comes to the sewer line seeking its natural level.  While we would love to get that done....  we just can't see shelling that out right now and what we currently do does work... so that would just have to wait.  If we were to sell this house... I know that we would have to get that done.  We could not fathom giving that nightmare to the next person to live here.  Yep, the schools are great, but the house floods in heavy rain.  Home buyers look for more good than not-so-good.

Well, off to enjoy an early Spring gift of another warm day.  Rained last night... no flooding (whoop whoop).  Gotta check the local radar to see if I can get some laundry done today since it is supposed to rain on and off all day today.  I'll take the warmer temps, so no complaints here.  Have a great day everyone!!

Casting Stones....

I blog as a release.  I try to not pass judgement on people, but it has come to my attention that I do.  For that, I am sorry.  As I will try to explain that I am judging only myself because I understand that people's situations will be different.

Yesterday's blog is about having nothing left to offer.  While I know that my situation is not the best, nor is it the worst, I feel my situation is relate-able.  Everyone has to face making sacrifices when times are tough.  I was just taken back by the slings and arrows that can be cast when opinions seem to be like personal attacks.  An anonymous person felt compelled to tell me that my actions (as far as they are concerned) are more hurtful than helpful for my family.  I did find it interesting that it is far easier to assume that everyone's issues are the same and that I am no different than the next person.  While it is far easier to comment on a person's situation because we look at it as something so common, but really do not know all the factors.  As I tried to explain myself in a reply, I realized that I keep a lot of information to myself and only comment upon my feelings.  As I stated before...  I cannot judge another person-- I can only judge upon myself.  DH does not need to explain himself to anyone else for his decisions as well as DD.  What I write about is my feelings.  If they can relate in some way...  great!  You know that you are not alone.  If they do not....  well, you are reading about something you cannot relate to.

Situations are different in the eyes of the people that live it compared to those that see from the outside.  While there are plenty of people that have a support system in place where children are involved, it is also the decision of the parents about when a child is allowed more independence.  I have faith that DD is capable of handling herself in alone situations for limited periods of time, it was not that case 2 years ago.  Catching DD in an on-line chat room that is not parent- controlled, is a screaming neon sign that she is unaware of the potential dangers.  Just add some preteen angst and a trusting nature that everyone is on the up-and-up, and that is a welcome mat for a pedophile to enter my home while I am away.  There are way too many reports of sexual offenders, rape, and child abduction that has me concerned.  While I try to be as lenient as possible since she is no longer a baby and does need a little more independence, I am seeing risks that (as innocent as they may seem to her) become risks I am not willing to allow DD to take.  Not everyone is respectful and nice and I told her that.  Call me over-protective, but I sleep better at night knowing that I am there for her.  While I know that DH would protect her as well as I can, his situation (most likely enabled by the agreement that I am to be the homemaker and caregiver of our child) does not exactly influence him to step up as he should.  I have heard countless complaints from DH over an employee taking way too much time off of work for his sick kids and with his thought process over that (apparently, his spouse never stays home when the kids are sick)...  I am fairly certain that if he was required to step up and take on more responsibility with our child, he would not.  He has had opportunities and never took them in the past.  If it was me to take those additional days off of my job (since our child does have health issues), I would not doubt that my employer would become irritated.  Is that fair to my future employer and my job?  Is it fair to my husband and his job?  Is it fair to my child to just let her stay at home alone and try to handle it on her own?  She obviously cannot drive just yet to get to the doctor if she needs to.  While I can rely upon other family to assist, isn't it an imposition towards them?  Yes, there are single parents that can manage to allow just anyone to take care of their child while they work, or if they are old enough... the child is given their independence to handle things on their own.  I know that it can be done, but if given the chance...  they would rather play a more intricate part of their child's life instead of paying someone else to raise their child.... or at least I believe so.

As for the job situation...  While I have tried endlessly to apply for any job, it is obvious that I am not the only one applying for a job.  There are far less jobs out there for just anyone to qualify for.  I do not have a college degree under my belt, nor can I afford to just go and get one.  I started in an entry level position everywhere I went and grew from there.  Obviously, entry level is no longer an option these days.  Companies did major cut-backs and laid-off plenty of people to streamline their business.  If a position is available, they prefer more current experience and if at all possible.... a college degree.  Now, there are companies that offer jobs with little to no job experience.  I have applied for those because I figured that I would have a fighting chance.  With resume' in hand, I fill out application after application...  I wait for interviews...  I get rejection letters or no return calls.  I am not alone when it comes to seeking out employment.  With no income for college and a large gap in full time employment...  I am not someone they think of first to consider.  Three years applying for the same job every time it becomes available and getting rejected gets a little depressing, but I trudge forward and keep trying.  It should be only a matter of time that I finally get a break.  Temporary employment offices have nothing (I have checked), and permanent full time employment offices have shot me down with comments of not being qualified for anything that they have.  Employers are pickier than I could ever be.

As I felt the sting of being told in a comment from yesterday's blog... telling me that my attempts are not enough, my seeking something that can be lenient enough to understand that my job as a parent is different than others, to assure my family that I can be both fruitful and reliable... is being on a "high horse" of sorts.  While this anonymous person believes that I am some kind-of bad person for the reasons that were not fully explained, nor ever will be beyond what I shared today.  That I seem to smother my child by being over-protective... that I enable my family to walk all over me... and that I have way too high expectations over what job I can get...  You are far from what is the truth.  As I appreciate comments, I wonder if the comment is in direct comparison to their life with no consideration that my situation could possibly be different.  Maybe they have it all together and have all the answers, but unless they walked a mile in my shoes....  Please avoid generalizing me into something that I am not, okay?  Opinions are just that... opinions.  Assuming the worst of a person is judgement before fact.  Before a stone is cast, think if it's going to be helpful or just hurtful... 9 times out of 10 it is going to be hurtful if you generalize one person to the rest of the world.  Nobody likes being hurt.  I have no doubt that you would agree.

Thanks for reading.

Having nothing.....

Okay, I understand that people are struggling these days....  I should know...  I am, too.  Money is tight... so tight that it is bordering on non-existent.  While on paper, we might seem to be okay, it is not available funds to live on.  With a family to support and a growing child to care for, DH has been feeling the pinch.  While I have been turned down yet again for another job prospect that could possibly offer relief to the family finances....  I can at least say I have been trying.  Kind-of frustrating when an employment agency calls with a job opening and promises to call me back when they get more information and never does.

I have built a wall around myself (figuratively) to protect myself from more disappointment-ridden depression.  It is like I have no more emotional response left to offer every time I get rejected for a job.  I should have known better....  I agreed to give up my career (the one I had as a purchasing agent for a manufacturer), to be a full time mother to my child.  While I have no complaints about doing so, it did put me at quite a disadvantage when the time was to come for me to get back into the world of the full time office world.  Being a part time hairdresser is my only saving grace to my sanity, but cannot offer the stable income that we currently need.  Basically, I am someone that can fall through the cracks quite easily....  I have a job, but not one that offers much support to the family, and determination to follow through with my promise to always be there for my child.  My requirements for landing a job has so many requirements that put family first....  I am fighting a battle I cannot ever win.

Of course, I am completely out of things to donate for the greater good.  While I know that I am struggling, there is someone else that is struggling even harder than I am.  Every day, I get at least 3-4 calls asking for donations from various charities.  As I try to honestly explain that I have nothing left to offer anyone, these people seem so relentless in accepting the reply of "no".  Apparently, they have been trained to never take "no" for an answer, and offer even more guilt upon my already guilty feeling that I cannot help others.  Clothing, small appliances and money are needed and I have nothing to offer.  We are now down to the basic of necessities.  DH has made sure of that.  DD is frantically watching her weight so she can put another year of use out of her clothes, but you cannot stop getting taller.  Already at 5'7", this 12 year old is becoming a challenge.  She is thinner than me and sharing my clothes are not an option.  I am even down to the barest of essentials.  Being a full time mom, you do not have that much "dress up stuff".  If I was to work in an office again, I would have to buy clothes in order to last a week.  I have a few things I wear to my hairdressing job, but not enough to make it a week and probably not proper enough for an office environment.  With Summer approaching (yep, I skipped Spring because in Chicago, we really do not have that season for long), and DD getting her break from school, it is quite hard to be there for my child if she is home and I am away at a job.  While I am aware that she is not getting any younger and is capable of being alone, life these days is even more dangerous and I would just die if something happened to her.  Well, that and I need to trust her to always do the right thing...  of which if she is anything like her father and I....  the day I trust her is the day she is married and with children of her own.

While there are plenty of people that blame our current president for the dismal existence we are having, I cannot blame him for everything.  It has been just a domino effect of bad ideas and poor management going back decades.  Not one president can solve all the world's problems.  Speaking of presidents...  It is an election year.  While I state I am an Independent, I have been watching the Republican race and I am scared. Every candidate is proving that nobody is really qualified.  They all have been acting like babies, fighting over the same lollipop.  As Obama sits back and watches the Republican party make a fool of themselves, he seems to get an advantage.  People do not want drama... they want results.  While Obama has not yet made a result that actually gets us "out of the red" financially, he does have some people with a lot of disposable income backing him.  Makes me wonder....  Why don't these charities call those people instead of me?  That have stuff they can give away and still afford to eat, see the doctor, see the dentist, buy clothes, and have all the amenities you would need to live comfortably.  Why do they throw their money to support a person that most likely cannot balance their own personal checkbook because they sure as hell did not balance the checkbook of this Nation in the 4 years they were in charge of it.  Just hearing about the billions of dollars being spent for spewing lies to the American people makes me sick to my stomach.  Yep, according to the mainstream media... Obama has raised something in the billion range for his reelection campaign.  While I seem to have less reliability with the mainstream media when it comes to politics, it is the only source we have to go on.  I would rather see campaign money used to pay for things that this country needs instead of hot air. If Obama loved the middle class like he claims to be, he should have done more to get the opposing political parties to agree on what we needed and not in the socialistic views he has.  We, the middle class, are proud people.  We work for the American dream.  While we all would love to be rich, we do have our morals.

So, in closing....  This middle class American has nothing left to offer.  When is it my time to get a break?  When it is time all middle class Americans get a break?  Okay, now to step off my soapbox and face the day.

Have a great day!!  Thanks for reading!

Dear Diary...

Remember when having a diary was all the rage?  Well, not everyone followed that trend, but for those that did...  do you remember?  That little book that held secrets of our true feelings.  Hiding it was futile if anyone knew you had one, but if you were fortunate enough...  that was your one true friend when feelings were something you wanted to keep to yourself.

I recall having one when I was a teen...  well, maybe even one as a preteen.  I wrote in it daily...  feelings that I knew I wanted to keep to myself about life, love, and my dreams.  Never thought it would become a handy little tool in getting to remember what it was as a person.  Unfortunately, I destroyed all of them when the desire to write my feelings became more of a repetitive chore than an actual release.  Life never really offered much excitement every day.  Most likely because I never really sought out new adventures, but it would have been nice to become reacquainted with who I was back then to who I became today.

There was a time I went from daily diary entries to writing poetry.  Nothing needed to rhyme, just had a rhythm to it that made it poetry.  Some poems had meaning, while others were just random things I saw in others.  I was told I had a talent for poetry....  I did not think so, but it was nice to hear the compliment anyway.  I would like to think that my creative side came from my father.  He had talents that I wished I could have, but when it came to his talents behind the camera lens...  I seriously doubted anyone could measure up to what he could capture.  My older brother got that talent...  and the wicked sense of humor, the best handwriting, and the ability to face fear.  I have always been the one struggling with my introverted nature....  Writing was my outlet.

Nowadays, the word "diary" is no longer used.  According to DD, the word is "journal".  No longer are the days of starting off an entry with "dear diary".  Just the date and the word "today I"...  Far more simplified and less personal is how I see it.  Almost like logging in on a log book for a Captain of a ship about what happens from day-to-day...  lacking feeling, lacking meaning...  just a daily report.  I just cannot think that a journal can reach the deepest thought process for release of feeling and the ability to share something that can be looked upon at a future date to learn how something so minuscule can seem so important and come to the conclusion that those little things shaped us to handle life a little better.  In fact, made us a little stronger for experiencing it.  While writing about secret crushes that never became relationships never really become easier, it is about accepting that not everyone thinks like you do, nor like you because you liked them.  The complexities of socialistic behavior always seem to be the most difficult to conform to.

Maybe I am seeing this blog as a diary, of sorts.  The only difference is that I have been sharing what I have been thinking or feeling.  While my deepest of feelings are still kept hidden, I seem to get some limited release.  It is the ability to share what I can that compels me to keep blogging.  Well, maybe offering to those that silently feel alone some relief in knowing that they are really not all that alone.  We all have moments where it seems that it is impossible for people to relate, but in all honesty... they do.  Not necessarily the exact same way, but it is relative.  I sure hope that people that do read this feel that way.  Never one to judge others, I can only judge myself....

Well, it is almost time to grab the phone and make a few calls.  DD did not sleep well last night (neither did I) because of her allergies flaring up and the constant coughing to keep the wheezing at bay.  I need to make a doctor's appointment for her and also call the school to report her absent for the day.  While she could have easily gone to school until the doctor can see her, it is testing week and she does not want to disrupt the class with coughing every few minutes or so.... so considerate, like her mother ;)  I already mentioned to DH about DD seeing the doctor and that there will probably be a prescription in the near future.  While he told me that it is not necessary to report everything to him, I figured that I should cover all the bases before assuming anything.  Money is still a sensitive subject here.  I just feel it is only fair to inform him of everything instead of being blindsided when the bill comes in.

Have a great day everyone!

Good deeds.....

Morning!  Quick blog before I head off to the dentist to spend more money we just don't seem to have....

Good deeds, as vast as they can be, usually go unnoticed.... Unless, you decide to tell people about them.  What about those good deeds that end up causing pain in the end?  While the person performing the good deed feels mentally happy about their accomplishments, there is a physical side that cannot be argued.

Two stories that happened this weekend....

My annual volunteer stint for DD's TKD school and their annual competition is something I will probably do until I can no longer physically do the work.  Setting up and tearing down takes a lot of effort from a lot of people.  Loading stuff in my truck and taking it from one building to another, setting everything in its place, participating in events, being a ring judge for DD's sparring round, packing everything up at the end, and loading my truck again with stuff to take back to DD's school.  Pretty full day.  I actually put in almost 11 hours of solid on-my-feet work with virtually no break.  Well worth it, but manages to be murder on my back.  Already on day #2 of spasm-a-palooza, and not going to see any relief for a while.  Darn Chiropractor is on vacation until next week... bad timing on my part... maybe his...  but I just have to deal until I get to see his smiling face and his comical retort of "when will you ever learn".  Between this and winter snow shoveling... he (and my insurance) are getting a workout.  Good deed...  Feels good to participate and help, but bad for my back.

Second story....  After my volunteering stint, I went out with a couple of my friends to have a few beers, decompress and make a spectacle of ourselves... well, more me than them...  with some Karaoke.  While I get compliments about my singing talents, we do end up meeting new people and get to hear their stories.  Kind of a refreshing thing, if you ask me.  Well, we met a new friend.  Nice guy.  He is extremely motivated with his quasi-bucket list.  He had just finished a dance marathon fundraiser for childhood cancer.  He shared pictures on his phone of his experience.  13 hours of dancing would be a bit much for anyone, but he trudged through it and helped raise money to find a cure for cancer.  In all of the excitement that he possessed for this, he even managed to end his day with a beer or two and some Karaoke.  Good deed to participate for a greater cause, but murder on the body.  Poor guy ached, but kept a smile on his face.  On a side note, my friends and I thought that he was a little ADD or ADHD.  Quite hyper after doing what he did and was quite distracted with everything going on around him.  In closing for that story....  WTG Jason!  I sure hope you are not hurting as bad as we were predicting.

Well, I have mere minutes to get my tush to the dentist.  All it took was for one missed cleaning and broke a tooth.  $1600 in work later, I have to go back to finally get my permanent crown on.  The dental hygienist offered a compelling argument that if I got my cleaning on time, they would have seen the fracture in that tooth and would have fixed it before it had a chance to break....  probably saving me at least the $1600 for a crown.  When dental insurance is not a viable option through DH's insurance plan, it does get a bit costly.  Now, I get to spend another $100 on top of that $1600 for my cleaning.  I sure hope I do not have any cavities or other potential fractures, since I have the habit of crushing ice cubes and hard candy.  That $1600 could have paid my mortgage for the month, but it went to my dentist....  I just cannot afford another big dental bill, so lets hope they find nothing this cleaning....  Then I get to break the news to DH that DD is due for her cleaning, too.....  I think I picked the wrong profession....  Dentists make a lot of money.  Sigh...  off I go...

Have a great day everyone!!

Remember... good deeds have a price....  sometimes two of them (physical and mental).  Here's to hoping your good deeds don't hurt too much ;)  Thanks for reading!!

Is this a sign or is it a trend.....

Good morning friends....  Today's blog has been bouncing around in my head and I felt it is about time I get this released....

Have you ever noticed the sudden increase of talk of love?  It is either finding that one true love, having that one true love, or seeking validation of love?  I wonder if it is a trend during these trying times or are there some hopeless romantics out there that cannot contain their desire to spread thought of that 4-letter word...

While I have believed that romance is not a high priority on my list of needs, I have noticed a slight increase in the desire to be romanced over the past few years or so.  Maybe I am categorizing it under the topic, but I seem to seek out just a little more attention from DH and fail miserably.  His head is too clogged with stress over finances and work to notice me trying.  If I was to even be more obvious in my actions, he would think I am off my rocker.  As well as he claims to know me, he is not so adaptable to change.

With this heightened need of a little more of that "young love" in my marriage falling on the "deaf ears" of DH, my senses seem to be increased in seeing others acts of romance.  No matter how subtle it is, I notice the little glances between people when they are trying to hide it from the general population when out in public.  That slight touch of hands as they stand in a crowd, the smile of admiration, and the flirting in such a corny way that others that are not sensitive to seeking out the "romantic bug" would see as just joking around.  Yep, I fear that I am going to start reading sappy romance novels (once I get the time), and actually enjoy them...  YIKES!  I can only gather why housewives read that soft-core porn is because their married life is far from what they want because reality has its way of throwing curve balls.  Having no doubt that there is a special breed of couples that can look past the stress of life and really embrace what love is supposed to be like.  My parents were one of those special breeds of couples... over 50 years of marriage before my dad passed away and they were truly committed.  Yes, they fought over things, but they never went to bed mad at each other.  Problems resolved rather quickly with them.  Even as time trudges forward, my mom still misses him like it was yesterday, and it has been almost 11 years he has passed away.

BTW...  today would have been my father's 91st birthday...  As I said a little prayer for him today, I hope he heard that I am wishing him a happy birthday even though he is gone from this Earth....  I miss ya, pops...


Well, back to what I am trying to get to....  Over the past month or so, I have seen a lot of love being posted everywhere.  No, not because just a little over a couple of weeks ago it was Valentines Day....  The things I have noticed have well surpassed the Hallmark holiday of love.  Seeing statuses on Facebook seem so ordinary when it comes to people posting little hearts and their announcements of being in love, finding love, or even obvious flirting (all of which do have a tendency to make some people throw up just a little regarding how mushy it appears to be)...  Yep, we all know that you are in love -- so lets move on, right?  jk

Driving behind this car one day, I noticed a sign sitting in the back window.  While I know that it was made at a preschool and it was an intended hand-made valentine for their parents, the sentiment was there.... "You hold my heart in your hands"...  The little hand prints of a child does have me remember how little my baby girl was once... very touching.  Two days later, another car with a lovely sentiment (in sticker-form) on its back window...  "Love is....  "...  They turned the corner before I could see what the rest of it said, but that 4-letter word was there to be seen.  A few days later, another sign, and then another, and then another.  While I did have an Ed Hardy air freshener hanging in my car that says "love kills slowly", I decided to jump off the bandwagon and got something different...  some gel block with an island themed stamp in the middle.  I just wondered if my sudden notice of everything "love" is just my mental thought process still focusing on the inadequate feeling I have had lately, or is it a trend that people decided to take upon because we all would like to be loved just a little more.  I do know that my husband loves me... just not the way I would like to be shown....  He was never a consistent romantic type.  Just when we met.  Once we got married...  well, that is where things changed.

Thanks for reading....  Have a great day!!