I guess with those stories and reports of the world coming to an end a lot of people are feeling a but curious. I know I have been. The fear that everything ends is something an anxious person really does not take lightly. I just felt compelled to share my thoughts about all the hype through the eyes of a person that fears "endings".....
Now, after the mainstream media shares that this one person who reads the bible and tries to crack the code of mystery that faith with what he thinks is the ultimate judgement day had me wonder just a bit. Being the God fearing Catholic that I am, I have always believed that God is a loving father to all. There is no vengeful plan to rid the world that he has created because his children are capable of fault or sin. We were never considered to be perfect and that was shared through stories going back to the first man and woman.... Adam and Eve. I do understand that there is a circle of life and nothing lasts forever, but as long as there is faith... everything is well taken care of.
I do have questions about the Church and the way things are handled, but when it comes down to faith and believing... well, there is no question. I took a little journey into having a heart to heart talk with the priest at my church almost 11 years ago. It was after my dad passed away. I was a bit angry at God for taking my dad when he was obviously not ready to go just yet. You see, my dad passed away in a hospital bed, all alone. Everyone in the family had already visited him (including me) earlier in the day. It was a hard thing for me to do because I am not a real fan of hospitals. Well, after we were all gone for the day, he passed away. I was not there for him when it happened, but got there as quickly as I could after I got the call to be there with him. My dad was my rock, he was my best friend... I loved him, respected him and feared him. After walking into that room where he passed, seeing him laying flat on his back, no more monitor wires, no tubes, and no IV... all I saw was my dad laying silently on his back with his mouth still wide open. All I could think is he screamed before passing. He had things to look forward to.... He just got a grandchild that he cherished and a new subject to photograph. He was a cameraman to the end and we loved that about him. Knowing that I will never hear his bits of wisdom, his witty comments, and his laugh. I was torn and mad. I know that my anger was part of the grieving process, but at that time, it was actual anger. All I kept thinking is how can a loving God take him away screaming. I was assured that he did go peacefully and that there was no pain, but my mind was made up and I was mad. After the funeral and his burial, I felt empty and in denial that he was actually gone. All that changed the day I was at the cemetery and saw his headstone with his name on it.
I had finally really cried that day.
Now, believing that I was a bad Catholic because of my anger still boiling under my skin, I went to see a priest. We talked about my father, his meaning to me and my belief in the unfairness of the circle of life. I told him about my anger that stemmed from believing that my father's last breath consisted of a scream to fight to live. I remember saying to the priest these words... "How can God take a person that was fighting to live?" What he asked me in return reminded me about faith. He said, "Do you believe in God?" My answer was, "Yes, I do." He proceeded to ask questions that resulted in learning this one thing.... Faith is a blind thing. We have embraced knowing that there is a greater thing than who we are because of faith. I have never personally seen God with my two eyes, I have never touched the healing hand that Jesus offered, but I believe that they both exist. No tangible proof that I can share that can convince anyone else of what I believe in, but I will blindly believe with my faith that they are real. Part of believing is acceptance.
Now, with all that I have managed to learn being the Catholic believer that I am. I will say that I believe that God is not a vengeful and vindictive being to destroy his creation, but is perfectly capable of giving us a wake up call. All it takes is for you to answer. Is the world going to end like the prediction that was offered? I really do not know, but I have my faith to weather the storm. How about you?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Changing the perspective....
Just this past weekend, I believe I had the most interesting experiences and I feel compelled to share them with you all today....
On Friday, May 20, 2011, I started my day like any other. I got my daughter off to school and proceeded to do my normal run of things. Suddenly, things got a little nutty for me. In the course of my daily running of the errands I get a call that surprised me as well as confused me. Then my day becomes a blur.
The call was from my boss. I was asked if I could get to the Sears Arena to do an on-site nail repair for one Paula Abdul. Yep, you read that sentence right.... Now, Paula Abdul is a celebrity and I am just a small town mom that happens to be licensed to do hair, make up and nails. "How is that possible?", I ask. Well, let me tell you this.... I thought I was going to be "punked". There is no way that a celebrity would ask for any nail technician to handle her nails... and in Illinois of all places. Well, out of curiosity, I took my boss' word for it and raced from the far side of town to get home and change for this. I knew I could not go do something of this magnitude in sweats and a t-shirt with no makeup on. I had 30 minutes to get to the Sears Arena and I was 15 minutes away from home. I still had to stop at work to get the supplies, which is another 5 minutes, and get to a place that is roughly 20 minutes away from the shop. Luckily, the person called and mentioned that I had to be there is actually 45 minutes from the first call, but it still did not leave much time. I race home, change my clothes, slapped on my makeup in roughly a minute, ran out of my home leaving it look like a tornado just ran through it, raced to work, got the supplies and sped off to get to the Sears Arena. Surprisingly, I got there on time. I showed my credentials and got a back stage, all access pass. I was led to a room where I was to work and waited. Paula arrives with a camera crew, a sound crew, her hair and makeup crew. She sees me from across the room and makes her way over to introduce herself. I will admit this... I was star-struck and shell shocked. I somehow found my professional control and proceeded to fix her nails. I treated her like just another ordinary person and we shared a few good laughs. In fact, we shared some things we both strive to believe is the best way to live life. She is as nice in person as she is portrayed on TV. In fact, she has a sense of humor. After all was said and done, I did get a picture of her and I. Sadly, I look like an ogre compared to her. Being all bloated and thrown together in a matter of minutes does make me look less than attractive, but I am willing to at least share the picture taken from my cell phone...
Of course, she is quite petite and I am tall in comparison.
Now, what I wanted to share is that even through the hustle and bustle of the day, I learned a few things....
Always believe in the positive.
Sharing a gift is greater than keeping it to yourself.
No matter how famous a person may be... they are a person like you and me.
And here is the one that Paula and I believe in....
You always need to see the glass as half full. The day you see it as half empty, is the day you have lost the ability to keep trying.
As for me.... I think this experience has made me see that opportunities are everywhere as long as you keep an open mind. Well, that and offering to always being helpful will get some good Karma to come your way.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Owning up to my mistakes.....
Morning! I have taken some time to reflect a bit on the current state of things and my battle with disappointment. I noticed that I happen to have issues with things that I thought I had no control over, but manage to do the completely wrong thing to fix it. In my recent findings, I became someone that I never knew I could become and now wonder if my efforts are all in vain. It all boils down to becoming an enabler.
Let me try to explain this a better way.....
I am the enabler of lazy behavior!! If it is not fun, it will not be done! Offering assistance is beneath my family. As I was starting this blog, the time came to when DD needs to leave for school. We live walking distance from this place, but she demands to be given a ride every morning to school. As I leave the computer to grab my keys, I ask her if she felt compelled to make her lunch. I get the snarky answer of "no" and proceed to make her lunch while she sits on the kitchen counter to watch. Believe me... making a bologna sandwich is not a hard task, but she seems to always opt to not even try. Well, yesterday she did make her lunch, but acting like it was such a daunting task she felt compelled to have me make it for her today. As I pack her lunch box in her backpack, check if she has her completed homework in her backpack to take back to school, she now decides to get her socks and shoes on. Being already 5 minutes late to leave, she slowly saunters her way to the car.
Now, as I return home, I walk into the disastrous abyss that was left for me to clean up. Socks and dirty clothes lay on the floor where they were removed, clean clothes strewn all over the floor of the laundry room in an apparent frenzy of looking for that specific outfit for the day. Who cares that I just washed, dried and folded it all into its specific groups of to whom it goes to. No offer has been made by either one to put their clean stuff away for me. I should know.... I went into protest mode for almost a month and still no offer. I do my walk through to assess the damage that occurred in the past 12-16 hours since my last pick up session and try to prepare myself for the tasks that lay ahead. I find a sopping wet towel on the bathroom floor from DD (at least DH is capable of hanging up his towel... not her), dirty socks on the floor (one pair next to my bed from DH, and one pair on the living room floor from DD), dirty clothes scattered on the bathroom floor from DD (she seems incapable of putting it in the laundry room just mere steps away... 3 to be exact from leaving the bathroom), blankets from DD's bedroom now are in a pile in my living room since she prefers to lounge on the couch until the last possible minute, extra shoes scattered around by the front door, extra coats and a sweater hanging over the banister that people opted to not put away since it was not the choice to wear today, paper plate from this mornings waffle of DD's on the coffee table, and when I left I could not find the remote to the TV until I returned after moving DD's blanket collection off the couch.
Somehow, all my attempts of keeping a home in order is not really appreciated enough to actually make attempts to keep it that way by the others in this house. As I still can hear the shriek from DD's lips this morning ringing in my ears, a certain Disney Story comes to mind.... I am Cinderella with a 21st Century issue because I married my "Prince Charming" and I do not see a happily ever after in this story. I get more "rolled eyes", sass talk, sighs of disappointment, and excuses of "sorry... it turned into one" with a solid mix of raised voices and complete ignorance of acknowledging feelings other than their own.... I am now going to own up to that I created a pair of monsters.... I enabled laziness and poor treatment towards myself as a way to avoid confrontation, conflict, or disruption in their "fun time". I think I have hit my limit, but cannot find a way to take back some of my ability to delegate or even a smidgen of self esteem to become able to fight for myself. I guess that my attempts of silently keeping control of the chaos that I allow to happen is my way of accepting that this is the best it is going to ever be. Believe me.... It could be much worse, but there is a lot of room for improvement. I believe that there is love in this house for me.... Misdirected and even a little hard to see, but it is there. I just wonder if it is strong enough to weather the storm that is on the horizon when my breaking point finally hits and I try to take back what was taken away from me by their dependent behavior.... The awesomeness that I know I possess that makes me feel valued and revered as I should be. Maybe even see the look that DH had in his eyes for me when we were dating. Oh heck! I am shooting for the moon on this one, but here goes..... To be looked up to instead of being looked down upon.
Knowing the problem is one thing..... Fixing it is a completely different thing. Since I cannot get a straight answer from them about how to fix this problem reasonably, I know I will have a battle on my hands when I try some of my ideas.....
Let me try to explain this a better way.....
I am the enabler of lazy behavior!! If it is not fun, it will not be done! Offering assistance is beneath my family. As I was starting this blog, the time came to when DD needs to leave for school. We live walking distance from this place, but she demands to be given a ride every morning to school. As I leave the computer to grab my keys, I ask her if she felt compelled to make her lunch. I get the snarky answer of "no" and proceed to make her lunch while she sits on the kitchen counter to watch. Believe me... making a bologna sandwich is not a hard task, but she seems to always opt to not even try. Well, yesterday she did make her lunch, but acting like it was such a daunting task she felt compelled to have me make it for her today. As I pack her lunch box in her backpack, check if she has her completed homework in her backpack to take back to school, she now decides to get her socks and shoes on. Being already 5 minutes late to leave, she slowly saunters her way to the car.
Now, as I return home, I walk into the disastrous abyss that was left for me to clean up. Socks and dirty clothes lay on the floor where they were removed, clean clothes strewn all over the floor of the laundry room in an apparent frenzy of looking for that specific outfit for the day. Who cares that I just washed, dried and folded it all into its specific groups of to whom it goes to. No offer has been made by either one to put their clean stuff away for me. I should know.... I went into protest mode for almost a month and still no offer. I do my walk through to assess the damage that occurred in the past 12-16 hours since my last pick up session and try to prepare myself for the tasks that lay ahead. I find a sopping wet towel on the bathroom floor from DD (at least DH is capable of hanging up his towel... not her), dirty socks on the floor (one pair next to my bed from DH, and one pair on the living room floor from DD), dirty clothes scattered on the bathroom floor from DD (she seems incapable of putting it in the laundry room just mere steps away... 3 to be exact from leaving the bathroom), blankets from DD's bedroom now are in a pile in my living room since she prefers to lounge on the couch until the last possible minute, extra shoes scattered around by the front door, extra coats and a sweater hanging over the banister that people opted to not put away since it was not the choice to wear today, paper plate from this mornings waffle of DD's on the coffee table, and when I left I could not find the remote to the TV until I returned after moving DD's blanket collection off the couch.
Somehow, all my attempts of keeping a home in order is not really appreciated enough to actually make attempts to keep it that way by the others in this house. As I still can hear the shriek from DD's lips this morning ringing in my ears, a certain Disney Story comes to mind.... I am Cinderella with a 21st Century issue because I married my "Prince Charming" and I do not see a happily ever after in this story. I get more "rolled eyes", sass talk, sighs of disappointment, and excuses of "sorry... it turned into one" with a solid mix of raised voices and complete ignorance of acknowledging feelings other than their own.... I am now going to own up to that I created a pair of monsters.... I enabled laziness and poor treatment towards myself as a way to avoid confrontation, conflict, or disruption in their "fun time". I think I have hit my limit, but cannot find a way to take back some of my ability to delegate or even a smidgen of self esteem to become able to fight for myself. I guess that my attempts of silently keeping control of the chaos that I allow to happen is my way of accepting that this is the best it is going to ever be. Believe me.... It could be much worse, but there is a lot of room for improvement. I believe that there is love in this house for me.... Misdirected and even a little hard to see, but it is there. I just wonder if it is strong enough to weather the storm that is on the horizon when my breaking point finally hits and I try to take back what was taken away from me by their dependent behavior.... The awesomeness that I know I possess that makes me feel valued and revered as I should be. Maybe even see the look that DH had in his eyes for me when we were dating. Oh heck! I am shooting for the moon on this one, but here goes..... To be looked up to instead of being looked down upon.
Knowing the problem is one thing..... Fixing it is a completely different thing. Since I cannot get a straight answer from them about how to fix this problem reasonably, I know I will have a battle on my hands when I try some of my ideas.....
Monday, May 16, 2011
Dangling the carrot....
Ever see a horse being coaxed into doing something they obviously do not want to do be having a carrot on a string dangled right in front of it?
Quite mean thing to do, I think.
Now think of it another way... The carrot is something you want... really want, but it is still slightly out of reach and is controlled by another. Once you can finally touch that carrot, you know that you have it. One story comes to mind.....
A little over 11 years ago, I once owned a cute little 2-door Chevy Cavalier. Great on gas, but not really a vehicle for a growing family. After DD was born, DH noticed that it is a real pain to get DD in and out of the back seat. With my bad back, and a few really close calls of getting a concussion with whacking my head in the door frame DH offers to mention that I will be getting a mini van to take place of my little car. I was thrilled that I was even considered as the one to get the new vehicle since I left my job to become a full time mother to DD. Being so excited that I was to get a mini van, I went to multiple dealerships to look at what was out there. DH told me that it was going to be at a Chevy Dealership that we are going to select our new wheels, so I looked (and test drove) every choice Chevy had. Finally deciding on a Venture, I was thrilled that the day will come that my life will be just a little easier when it comes to taking the family anywhere. My back was singing the Alleluia Chorus every time I heard the reminder that we were going to shop for the mini van that I selected. Sadly, the chorus started to leave as time passed. Days, weeks and months passed with each "no go" comment from DH. It was a year after the first mention of the van is when I finally got it.
WOW! After recalling that story.... There have been quite a few times that something quite similar has happened... Here is the quick list... The much needed refinance of our mortgage (going from almost 12% from a balloon mortgage to finally getting it down to 5% fixed rate), all of our family vacations (which were a whole whopping 2 of them in the course of 11 years), our honeymoon (which happened 10 months after we got married and I was already 4 months pregnant at the time we finally did go to Hawaii), the new couch, the new TV (the old one was close to blowing up and it was expected to happen since it was bought in 1970 by his parents), the trade in of the van to get my truck (it was the last day of the extension of the lease when that happened), and finally... the kitchen table (which took about 2 years after our dog passed away). I do chalk this all up to a husband that has zero interest in doing what is needed when it is needed, but is more than willing to make me do all the leg work. I know that the one thing he did manage to do on his own was plan our belated honeymoon because his parents told him to do it. Sadly, I did not get to enjoy the trip as much as I could have if I was not pregnant and was not plagued with swollen ankles and morning sickness that lasted from the time I got up until I was fast asleep. He got to go to the bar and I got to go to the ER in Honolulu with a serious case of the "dry heaves".
At least the current carrot-dangling is not being done by DH, but us being done by the person that interviewed me almost a week ago. I am still waiting to hear of I got the job.... Well, I sure hope I get the job.....
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Odd observations....
Just a few observations popped into my head today.....
"No matter how hard we try.... we do become our parents."
Yep. I have become my mother! Do I have a problem with it? No, but my inner child wants to kick my butt for letting it happen ;)
"The person we choose to marry has at least one prominent trait of our parents."
Girls do marry a man like their father. Not necessarily the best trait of dad is chosen, but there is a major similarity. Boys do marry their mother and not necessarily the best trait of hers, either. I guess that is why in-laws never like you as much as your own parents ;)
"No matter how much you love the cute little annoyance your 'other half' was doing while dating, will become the thorn in your side once you are married."
Face it folks.... Only one person changes after saying "I do". Chances are, that it is not them that is going to change. Sometimes you even get new annoyances to deal with. If you cannot convince them to change in the first 5 years of marriage... Suck it up and deal with it...
Just figured to share those little tidbits of what is bouncing around in my mind today.
Thanks for stopping by and reading :)
Thursday, May 12, 2011
June Cleaver? Harriet Nelson?... HA!
Greetings and Salutations!
Sorry it has been a few days since my last blog. Somehow, writer's block is the culprit. I have opened the floodgates to what is going on in my mind when I started blogging. It is just so hard to figure which idea, thought process or experience is blog worthy on any given day when I appear to have way too much going on, yet have nothing really special happening. I mean... What thrill can I create out of being a housewife and mother that tries to avoid drama at all costs that is worthy of a decent read? My goodness!! I believe I suffer from Stockholm Syndrome because I feel trapped mentally and physically in my own body because of my desire to conform to what is considered less than a conventional or even revered concept of what married life should be. Darn television and the lies they spew to our youth that marriage is such a happy institution!!
Did the Cleaver family in Leave it to Beaver really have things that sugary sweet? That June Cleaver can manage a home and still look just so happy through it all with every hair in place? That the kids are so courteous that even the most simple of "infractions" in behavior is easily fixed by just talking about it like a moral of a story? That fighting was not really fighting because there was always talk and reasoning? How about the fact that the family has dinner at the same time with Dad actually coming home right after work to see a calm and reserved family with a meal on the table? HA! Live a day in the life of mine and you see everything... and I mean everything being the total opposite. There are no family dinners at the same time every night, DH comes home when he feels like it, DD has the inability to listen to reason, and no matter how hard I try... I just can't get my house spotless when I live with two others that are incapable of picking up after themselves. I look haggard at the end of the day and practically on the verge of a nervous breakdown waiting to be assured that DH made it home safely at night. This is definitely not the lifestyle I thought I was getting out of saying "I do" almost 13 years ago. Fighting for what I believe is right ends up becoming a bloodbath of vicious words, sleepless nights, and no resolutions. Fighting is never fair and just like it is portrayed on TV here.
Now, I know that what is on television is just the concept from a group of writers and the family members are just a group of actors reading their lines, but it does give hope that there should be a bit of truth to what really is expected in a marriage. My gosh! Even cynical shows like Roseanne, and Married with Children have less realistic qualities compared to what I have signed up for. I just wonder why that it is the way it is in my little world. Oh, that's right..... The only way for change to happen is if there is desire to change. Sadly, I have been making all the changes and there is zero desire to change by the ones closest to me. Marriage is made up of two people... not one. If one decides to change for the greater good, one would assume that the other would at least do the same. To become the Ying to the others Yang; to become the balance in creating a cohesive team that supports and balances the other. Nope. Not in my lifetime will I ever see that happen. I married a stubborn man and gave birth to an even more stubborn child. Both have blinders on when it comes to my desperate attempts to be remotely even close to a functional family; to even have an inkling of similarity to what the Cleaver family or even Nelson family of the TV era was. I guess that the only family lifestyle I should be accustomed to is the TV reality family of Meet the Osbornes, but with less swearing and one (actually two) less sibling(s). DH can be Ozzy, I can be Sharon and DD can be Kelly. We just lack the mansion, the maid service, the fame and the fortune.
I just have to embrace that this is all I am getting because I am tired of trying. I decided long ago that I was going to get married only once. No matter how hard it is, no matter how frustrating it becomes, no matter how spirit breaking it can become.... I will always try to hold on. If it is to ever end... I guarantee you all.... I would not get married again because chances are.... If I was to have known then what I know now.... Saying "I do" would not have happened. Sad but true. Marriage changes people and not always in the best way either. Do I regret getting married? No. If I didn't get married, I would not have learned what I have and I would not have been blessed to have a child or even gotten the opportunity to experience unconditional love that I have for my daughter. Some things need to be experienced in order to learn from them.
Sorry it has been a few days since my last blog. Somehow, writer's block is the culprit. I have opened the floodgates to what is going on in my mind when I started blogging. It is just so hard to figure which idea, thought process or experience is blog worthy on any given day when I appear to have way too much going on, yet have nothing really special happening. I mean... What thrill can I create out of being a housewife and mother that tries to avoid drama at all costs that is worthy of a decent read? My goodness!! I believe I suffer from Stockholm Syndrome because I feel trapped mentally and physically in my own body because of my desire to conform to what is considered less than a conventional or even revered concept of what married life should be. Darn television and the lies they spew to our youth that marriage is such a happy institution!!
Did the Cleaver family in Leave it to Beaver really have things that sugary sweet? That June Cleaver can manage a home and still look just so happy through it all with every hair in place? That the kids are so courteous that even the most simple of "infractions" in behavior is easily fixed by just talking about it like a moral of a story? That fighting was not really fighting because there was always talk and reasoning? How about the fact that the family has dinner at the same time with Dad actually coming home right after work to see a calm and reserved family with a meal on the table? HA! Live a day in the life of mine and you see everything... and I mean everything being the total opposite. There are no family dinners at the same time every night, DH comes home when he feels like it, DD has the inability to listen to reason, and no matter how hard I try... I just can't get my house spotless when I live with two others that are incapable of picking up after themselves. I look haggard at the end of the day and practically on the verge of a nervous breakdown waiting to be assured that DH made it home safely at night. This is definitely not the lifestyle I thought I was getting out of saying "I do" almost 13 years ago. Fighting for what I believe is right ends up becoming a bloodbath of vicious words, sleepless nights, and no resolutions. Fighting is never fair and just like it is portrayed on TV here.
Now, I know that what is on television is just the concept from a group of writers and the family members are just a group of actors reading their lines, but it does give hope that there should be a bit of truth to what really is expected in a marriage. My gosh! Even cynical shows like Roseanne, and Married with Children have less realistic qualities compared to what I have signed up for. I just wonder why that it is the way it is in my little world. Oh, that's right..... The only way for change to happen is if there is desire to change. Sadly, I have been making all the changes and there is zero desire to change by the ones closest to me. Marriage is made up of two people... not one. If one decides to change for the greater good, one would assume that the other would at least do the same. To become the Ying to the others Yang; to become the balance in creating a cohesive team that supports and balances the other. Nope. Not in my lifetime will I ever see that happen. I married a stubborn man and gave birth to an even more stubborn child. Both have blinders on when it comes to my desperate attempts to be remotely even close to a functional family; to even have an inkling of similarity to what the Cleaver family or even Nelson family of the TV era was. I guess that the only family lifestyle I should be accustomed to is the TV reality family of Meet the Osbornes, but with less swearing and one (actually two) less sibling(s). DH can be Ozzy, I can be Sharon and DD can be Kelly. We just lack the mansion, the maid service, the fame and the fortune.
I just have to embrace that this is all I am getting because I am tired of trying. I decided long ago that I was going to get married only once. No matter how hard it is, no matter how frustrating it becomes, no matter how spirit breaking it can become.... I will always try to hold on. If it is to ever end... I guarantee you all.... I would not get married again because chances are.... If I was to have known then what I know now.... Saying "I do" would not have happened. Sad but true. Marriage changes people and not always in the best way either. Do I regret getting married? No. If I didn't get married, I would not have learned what I have and I would not have been blessed to have a child or even gotten the opportunity to experience unconditional love that I have for my daughter. Some things need to be experienced in order to learn from them.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Work...
Good Morning Friends!!
It is Monday and I am thrilled!! Why do you ask? Well, it brings me one day closer to something that I have been trying to achieve since last fall..... Finding a "second job". Being a full time mother and homemaker, I do have one part time job and that is being a hairdresser. Believe me, I am quite happy with what I have been doing with those 2 jobs, but I don't get paid to take care of the house and DD, and my part time hairdresser job is more of a pleasure than a job that can create a feast or famine of a paycheck. Money has been tight everywhere and jobs are scarce. Now, I could have easily taken on more hours at my hairdresser job, but in order to make somewhat of a decent paycheck, you need to work what is considered nights (which is working after 5pm when people get off from their work), and having a child makes it really hard to be in 2 places at once, so to speak. Well, I do have to admit that she is getting older and she does need some independence, but I feel that she is too young to be home alone for long periods of time. That, and there are opportunities that would put me in a tight spot if I happen to have a busy day and a sick child at the same time. One would have to suffer without me and I really do not like turning my back on either. While being a mother first is my top priority, I do have a responsibility for my clients and people are "flighty" during these tough times and if I turn my back on them... They will go elsewhere. Darn hard work ethic I have!!! ;)
My options are simple, but achieving any sense of the intended goal of finding a job that does not make a substantial affect if I am needed to be home is a lot harder than it is. I need to find something that is part time and seasonal that co-insides with DD's school calendar and hours that she is there. And that has enough people doing the same hourly-paying work that can fill in for me if I am needed at home due to illness. Now, I am not implying that DH is incapable of stepping up his game to help on the home front, but his track record shows that he is less than willing to do anything extra at home because as I stated earlier... I am the homemaker, the caregiver... the mom. Even if sometimes I do not feel as if I am respected or revered as one... It has been my job and I have done this alone for the past 11 years and never even asked for help. I just keep thinking that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks and that change is only possible if there is a desire to change.... Both are not DH's strong points... enough said.
Now, I have been trying since this past fall to get a job at the local schools.... Elementary, middle, and high schools have basically the same calendar and I would be off when DD is off... including summer. Now, how ideal is that?!?! The concept is to get a job there, but after numerous attempts... I was never even called for an interview after sending in my resume' so much that if it was a book, it would be considered to have enough "sales" to be a best seller. But alas, it is not a book and it was never published for sale. I have kept up with my determination to get my foot at least in the door to get an interview to do anything.... and I mean anything in the local schools. You see, schools prefer to hire from within when it comes to available jobs that do not require a specific college degree. You can call them lame jobs, but they are jobs that have potential for growth. Not real sure if there is a high demand to be a hall monitor as a step up, but it is a step in a direction. For me... it is a step in the door.
Well, after trying and trying that resulted in no calls for an interview, I was about ready to chalk this recent attempt for a part time hall monitor job at a local high school as a lost cause. To my surprise, I received a call for an interview. Tomorrow is the day and I am just so thrilled that I can at least get an interview, I feel as if I broke down the wall that divides the "hire from within" and "hiring outside the building" just enough to get my toe over the threshold. Now, all I can do is hope that I wow them at the interview to consider me for the job and possibly get hired. I have gathered my connections that are in the district of the school and I hope their willingness to convince HR to hire me will be the final oomph to get more than my toe over the threshold. Then I can finally get DH off my hindquarters about finding a job that offers a steady and consistent paycheck to help with the finances.....
Wish me luck friends :)
It is Monday and I am thrilled!! Why do you ask? Well, it brings me one day closer to something that I have been trying to achieve since last fall..... Finding a "second job". Being a full time mother and homemaker, I do have one part time job and that is being a hairdresser. Believe me, I am quite happy with what I have been doing with those 2 jobs, but I don't get paid to take care of the house and DD, and my part time hairdresser job is more of a pleasure than a job that can create a feast or famine of a paycheck. Money has been tight everywhere and jobs are scarce. Now, I could have easily taken on more hours at my hairdresser job, but in order to make somewhat of a decent paycheck, you need to work what is considered nights (which is working after 5pm when people get off from their work), and having a child makes it really hard to be in 2 places at once, so to speak. Well, I do have to admit that she is getting older and she does need some independence, but I feel that she is too young to be home alone for long periods of time. That, and there are opportunities that would put me in a tight spot if I happen to have a busy day and a sick child at the same time. One would have to suffer without me and I really do not like turning my back on either. While being a mother first is my top priority, I do have a responsibility for my clients and people are "flighty" during these tough times and if I turn my back on them... They will go elsewhere. Darn hard work ethic I have!!! ;)
My options are simple, but achieving any sense of the intended goal of finding a job that does not make a substantial affect if I am needed to be home is a lot harder than it is. I need to find something that is part time and seasonal that co-insides with DD's school calendar and hours that she is there. And that has enough people doing the same hourly-paying work that can fill in for me if I am needed at home due to illness. Now, I am not implying that DH is incapable of stepping up his game to help on the home front, but his track record shows that he is less than willing to do anything extra at home because as I stated earlier... I am the homemaker, the caregiver... the mom. Even if sometimes I do not feel as if I am respected or revered as one... It has been my job and I have done this alone for the past 11 years and never even asked for help. I just keep thinking that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks and that change is only possible if there is a desire to change.... Both are not DH's strong points... enough said.
Now, I have been trying since this past fall to get a job at the local schools.... Elementary, middle, and high schools have basically the same calendar and I would be off when DD is off... including summer. Now, how ideal is that?!?! The concept is to get a job there, but after numerous attempts... I was never even called for an interview after sending in my resume' so much that if it was a book, it would be considered to have enough "sales" to be a best seller. But alas, it is not a book and it was never published for sale. I have kept up with my determination to get my foot at least in the door to get an interview to do anything.... and I mean anything in the local schools. You see, schools prefer to hire from within when it comes to available jobs that do not require a specific college degree. You can call them lame jobs, but they are jobs that have potential for growth. Not real sure if there is a high demand to be a hall monitor as a step up, but it is a step in a direction. For me... it is a step in the door.
Well, after trying and trying that resulted in no calls for an interview, I was about ready to chalk this recent attempt for a part time hall monitor job at a local high school as a lost cause. To my surprise, I received a call for an interview. Tomorrow is the day and I am just so thrilled that I can at least get an interview, I feel as if I broke down the wall that divides the "hire from within" and "hiring outside the building" just enough to get my toe over the threshold. Now, all I can do is hope that I wow them at the interview to consider me for the job and possibly get hired. I have gathered my connections that are in the district of the school and I hope their willingness to convince HR to hire me will be the final oomph to get more than my toe over the threshold. Then I can finally get DH off my hindquarters about finding a job that offers a steady and consistent paycheck to help with the finances.....
Wish me luck friends :)
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