Remember when.....

Ever notice that you tend to focus on where your mindset is?  Happy thoughts bring focus to happier times long past.  Sad moments tend to make a person reflect upon sad memories.  Even angry moments tend to make a person remember every little annoyance that should have been forgiven long ago.  This mind works in such an interesting way that we can recall moments long past like they just happened yesterday.  Think about it...

Here is an example of what I mean.....

You are frustrated that your significant other forgot something important.  It could be an anniversary, a birthday, or anything.  Somehow, once the argument commences, you hear yourself telling this person a list of "remember when" moments.  It does not even matter that it has nothing to do with what the current disagreement is about, but you felt compelled to share once again where this other person screwed up.  It could even be a resolved issue... apology was made and accepted, but you cannot ever forget it.

How, about this example.  Different mood, but same "remember when" comment.  You are with friends and laughter is all around you.  Somehow, you recall yet another funny moment and feel compelled to share. Chances are, it was not funny when it happened, but became quite hilarious after the fact.

Same thing happens when a person is sad or depressed.  Suddenly, you feel compelled to recall every sad moment that happened in your life when trying to get some release by talking to a friend.

I see it as the mind feeding itself more and more of the emotion that you are currently feeling.  Somehow, that moment you feel something is never enough.  Memories flood back to fill your mind even more with the emotion.  Eventually, things will ease up a bit, but it usually takes a major slam to the psyche to change the pattern.  I just wonder how weak the mind needs to be in order to be so receptive of your surroundings.  I have noticed that DH's attitude is different.  Not really noticeably different to others, but is quite obvious to me.  Call it some form of Stockholm Syndrome that a married couple goes through when we sense these things, but I sense that something is just.... off.  Somehow, our poor communication skills makes expressing concern into something that might be considered irrational thought (aka: being off ones rocker) because we do have one thing in common.... That is the ability to just swallow down all those undesirable emotions and hide the necessary release from one another.  I know that much is true because DH has not seen the many nights I stay up late to be assured that everyone is asleep before I allow myself to cry for release and in the almost 13 years of marriage, I have not seen DH cry once.  I apparently am weaker than him because I cried at quite a few funerals of family from both sides and was not afraid to do so.

Lately, I have been in the mindset of thoughtful.  Deep thought and understanding is what I have been seeking.  Sensitivity to my surroundings has been at an all time high.  I just wonder which remember when moment calls for times like these.....