I know, I know.... I have not blogged lately, but as my mama told me.... "If you ain't got nothing nice to say...say nothing at all".
It is not like I really had nothing nice to say, but I really had just nothing worthy of sharing that did not sound like I was whining about everything. I really cannot understand this, but there is some changes happening around me that cannot be denied.
I truly believe that DH is going through his change of life, but while that is happening.... I think I am in the throes of changing, too. Really, I cannot explain my sudden change in mood that is very far from the positive person that I claim to be other than
there is a change a-coming and ya-all might be considerin' takin' some cover.
How do I know this, you ask? Quite elementary, I say!! Quite elementary!!!
Over the past month... well, to be completely honest.... it has been about a year.... I have not been the well-oiled functioning person I have been over the years. Of course, this next sentence is gonna appear to have too much information for some, but it needs to be said...... My "monthly visitor" has not been as punctual as she has been as of late. In fact, it has been a total crap-shoot to when she decides to make a visit. I have been tested and according to my doctor..... I am apparently too young for the "M-word" (as in Menopause), but there have been signs that even a test cannot predict exactly when this change is to occur.
Maybe it is the Hypochondriac in me, but the internet is a vast world filled with information that can either ease your concerns or scare the living daylights out of you. It is all in
how you read into it. Now, menopause is not exactly a death sentence, but it is a milestone that women have mixed feelings about. We are
thrilled that we no longer have a "monthly visitor" to contend with, but on the other hand..... that nuisance is the main thing that reminds us that we are a woman. Once the M-word happens, there is hair growth in places we do not want while we lose hair in places we would rather not talk about, mood swings that can scare the toughest of men, and temperature changes that have us go through more clothes than a teenager trying to pick out the perfect outfit for a first date. Our filter for opinion control breaks and there are far too many opportunities to appear unhinged. Oh, and no longer looking cute is definitely racing my way. Wrinkles on women is not attractive. It is not like I have had men falling at my feet, but I would like to still be cute because if there are two changes happening at once here.... the odds someone is getting the boot increases. I really do not think I want to be alone for the rest of my life.....
Case in point.... The last 2 weeks. Between the feeling like I was in and out of a sauna, I was extremely angry about something, but had no clue what it was so I was even more angry. Just looking at DH with his change happening (which consists of reverting back to infancy with his laziness), has me wanting to throw things at his head. His lightly veiled act of concern that I was looking tired almost got him a frying pan over the head. Especially as I looked at the sink full of dishes that apparently nobody can take care of while I was away at work the previous day and decided to not cook dinner, but pick something up instead
thinking I would get a break from my wifely duties for one day. I knew I had some serious issues with people touching me when DD went to give me a hug and I winced. As soon as a person touched me... I wanted it to end ASAP, if not sooner. Most likely stemmed from the mercurial sweat/freeze fest I had going on. I tried to sum this up to having a mild infection that went bronchial, but after taking antibiotics and all that stuff.... I still feel like I am either in a sauna in my own home from time to time or a freezer. I really happen to be running out of clothes to change into. Either I am layered up from a cold snap or I am practically stripping because it is so darn hot.
Of course, this has not been consistent enough to come to the conclusion that I am actually going through my change, but there are some very compelling events happening here that point directly to that conclusion. I am currently on day # 4 of not feeling like I am teetering on the equator for both the North AND South poles, but the moodiness is still in full swing.
The mood swings alone are having me consider being placed on something to slow the swing down. I could be perfectly content reading a happy story, but break into tears because the story seems
too happy... In fact, I even did an eye roll and claim that one happy ending was so sappy that I felt compelled to stick my finger down my throat.
What is that all about? I do not live the quintessential life that is filled with laughter, flowers and romance... where everything is simple and copacetic.
NO! I live in a life better suited for someone bound to be in a straight jacket if they do not learn how to compromise and make do with whatever insanity gets tossed their way. I have a picky eating family that just loves to challenge me in not just food, but everything in life. Laziness runs rampant in this house! Spills, drips, dribbles, and remnants left in their wake is what I get to deal with. Fortunately, school will be back in session and there will be breaks from the mayhem I deal with on a daily basis. With DH being at work, he is not as messy as DD, but that old dog still has not learned that darn "put the dirty socks in the hamper" trick! It has been roughly 15 years of inconsistent attempts on his behalf to offer a little relief in that area. I decided that I am too tired to keep fighting that battle. If I have to collect the dirty clothes from everywhere else
but that hamper? So be it. I am just concerned that my mood swings will become dangerous very soon. I happen to have years of pent up frustration that I have held at bay for far too long.
Finally, the last nail in my coffin of what I considered a vital woman's existence..... My weight. Apparently when a woman hits a certain age.... weight gain is inevitable.
DD mentioned that she is interested in vegetarianism. I know it stems from the snore-fest of appeasing DH's picky eating palate. I have tried to incorporate even more vegetables recently. I have some vegetarian "meat" choices and I have been playing short-order cook to expand the options here. Funny thing, I have been eating more vegetarian than DD while I have even tricked DH with a vegetarian meal. Soy crumbles definitely can make a good alternative to beef. With the right seasonings and sauces.... you cannot tell the difference. I just cannot tell him that his burrito meal last night was vegetarian. If I do.... he will become even more vigilant in watching what goes in the shopping cart very week. Sadly, with this clean lifestyle of eating vegetarian.... I still have not seen the number on the scale go down. I will probably be the first woman in history that can
gain weight while eating vegetables. Thank you menopause! Thank you lousy metabolism! Thank you cursed existence!!
Of course, all these things are not solid proof that I am actually going through the actual change, but it can definitely point to the start of a very long process of getting to the end result. I guess my concerns are in how DH and I will handle our changes at the same time. He is one moody fellow and I am almost matching his moods
swing for swing. Anyone can see the strain he and I are dealing with to control the moodiness. What neither of us happen to know is
when this craziness will end. We are aware that with
the change, it is strictly temporary. Once this altering phase ends, we do revert back to ourselves, right? You know... that calm and collected human being we were before the mayhem ensued? I believe that the only difference I shall see at the end of this road is that PMS is a thing of the past and I will no longer be a pendulum of emotions every month. As for DH? He never had PMS, but will he return to the nice and helpful guy I knew? I guess only time will tell, right?
