Every day, we learn something. Usually not something life affirming or even life altering, but we manage to learn something every day. While most lessons learned are done the hard way... there are some that you learn without much difficulty.
Now, with things that we happen to learn..... it is not a lonely journey to enlightenment. The reason is because there will always be someone else that has happened to experience the exact same thing and forewarns others of the consequences or end result. Of course, it is to one of the many potential outcomes and not the most positive of outcomes there is. If you are not being the one enlightened by someone else.... you get the rare opportunity to become the one that enlighten others, so trust me..... there is always a learning experience on the horizon.
I happen to have two stories of enlightenment I would like to share.
Story #1: The guilt/greed factor.
Recent events resulted in DD's final year of religious education classes (REC) being paid for via "scholarship" from our church because I mentioned the paying for this final year would pose a hardship to our financial situation as well as my sanity because DH controls the checkbook and will find a way to make my life difficult because of the additional expense being paid. While we could afford to take care of the final year's tuition, it would result in a stressful environment for DD and myself. I offered to pay the bill in installments, if they were willing to take payments over the course of the year. Upon the insistence of the Religious Education Director, I accepted the assistance with a heavy heart and then forwarded this information to DH about DD's final year of REC being paid for by the church. All I got was a "thumbs up" and nothing more. Apparently, I am the one that needs to feel bad about this for both of us because I saw this as taking advantage of something that should go to a more deserving family to assist in their child's religious educational journey. This actually kind of felt like taking food out of a poor person's mouth while you have money in your pocket to actually buy your own food. It is wrong on so many levels, but DH seems to like the feeling of taking from others to benefit himself. I, on the other hand, do not. I am just waiting for DH to feel guilty about taking when we can afford to pay and actually offer to do the right thing.
Story #2: What is cheapest is not always the best.
DH has told me many times that his business is his business and I have no right to even offer a suggestion or opinion about his business (even if he asks for it). Well, apparently when it comes to expenses (like healthcare costs), I have absolutely NO SAY in health insurance carrier choices. While I fully understand the importance of having affordable health insurance since his business pays for the health insurance of all its employees (an obvious dinosaur in practices since most businesses have employees pay a small percentage to obtain the coverage and not place the whole burden on the business and the business owners), I happen to have an issue with the decision to what health insurance carrier is made. For years, we had less than stellar coverage with one company and finally made the right choice and switched to a far better company. After roughly 4 years with zero issues, DH and his business partner felt it was time to make a change in order to save a few bucks. I was asked to research with all of the doctors we happen to deal with to see if they accept insurance from these other carriers if there was a change. Yep, I get the legwork to have my opinions become silent. I managed to learn that while one of the two insurance carriers is the one we had years ago is sub-par, the other insurance company made that sub-par one look far better than what it really was. Yep, one of the options is basically owning a hunk of plastic to say we have insurance, but will cover nothing and still leave the burden upon the card holder. According to reputation (and I got this from each doctor's office), these two carriers do not pay claims in a timely manner, nor do they cover much. One is far worse than the other and these doctors will only take the PPO version from these companies and even they state it is a hardship to even accept that. I begged and pleaded with DH to forward this information to his business partner when it came down to deciding if a switch is truly necessary. Obviously, it fell on deaf ears and now we lost our really good insurance over the worst coverage possible because it was cheaper to obtain. Really, at who's expense is this saving any money? Yet again, I managed to learn something and shared the worst case scenario with another and was not taken seriously. NOW, I have to wait again to see if the lesson gets learned that cheaper is not always better.
Sorry to share this additional part, but I feel that there is going to be a third story that ties in with the previous one..... Is cheaper better and what price is worth your health. After getting our new hunk of plastic that states on the back of the card.... "This card does not guarantee coverage.", I felt curious about how this new health insurance company is going to pan out. I think I actually threw up a little with what I learned. Did you know that location dictates cost? Well, not always, but also experience. With this website to help their members control medical costs, you can research various doctors, their services, the cost per service, the coverage you will get with your new hunk o' plastic and how much you, that hunk o'plastic card holder gets to shell out. It felt like I was outlet shopping for a new pair of shoes. You may get the same service (kind-of), but you will get to save a few bucks for a knockoff version of the same thing. Just place your life in the hands of a person that knows nothing about you with no guarantees that they have enough experience to have more successful results and save a few bucks. Why go to the best when average (or below average) will cost you less because your insurance now pays less for services rendered. To me, it seems like getting eye surgery from the dollar store. Sure, the cost is appealing in this day and age, but would you really risk it? Oh, this just does not apply to surgeries, physical therapy, or specialists..... you get to compare prices for your prescriptions. Did you know that there are at least a half dozen generic brands of the same thing, but in all honesty, it is not the exact same thing? It is kind of like selecting a shade of blue at the paint store. They are all blue in color.... just slightly different, but hey! They are all blue so they are all the same, right? Oh, you need 100mg's of that? Well, I can save you a few bucks if you buy the double dosage and let you cut the pills in half. Not sure you can cut them evenly? No worries, just take the bigger half today and the smaller half tomorrow.... it all evens out in the end, right? Yet again, another risk taken to health because now we have options to save on our prescriptions like never before! It is not like we get to pay the same for the pills we have been taking over the past year with this new insurance. Yep, our new prescription coverage is even less. Shall we mail order it? Do we go to this pharmacy or that one? So what if the wording is different... it is the same thing, right?... "Metroprolol Succinate or Metroprolol Tartinate... same stuff with a different spelling, right? I am not a pharmacist nor a chemist, but why not give it a go, right? What risk is in trying this out? Death? HA! We are all gonna die someday, so it must be totally worth it to switch a tried and true to something I don't know because I want to be buried with my savings on this adventure!!" Who cares if it is from an unknown manufacturer... they state it is the same thing so it is the same thing, right? Who needs to go to the best doctor when this other doctor with a lower success rate is charging less... it is the same procedure, right? Really, it is only my life I am playing with and letting money be the deciding factor. Heck with DH being as cheap as he is..... I just might get to collect on the life insurance just a little sooner because I know he will take the unnecessary risks to save a few bucks.
~~This one, my friends, is the one that scares me the most...~~
Really, I know that people need to learn, but why learn it the hard way if someone else is trying to teach you to open your eyes to learn it in an easier manner. Right now, I feel that my lesson being learned is how to be patient in letting DH to learn it the hard way because me teaching him the easy way is not all that effective. I gave him my opinion about these things and how they are wrong, but I still end up being the one that takes the brunt of the pressure and figure solutions to the problems that lie ahead. How can I teach myself to let DH learn the hard way and not feel guilt, remorse, or pity for his inability to listen and learn as well as make him find a solution once in a while.
I think I want to throw up now. Just this newest pile of knowledge is making me sick and I know better than to see the doctor about this. We just cannot afford it. We used to... now we can't.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
Nothing good to read here... just a mental flushing ;)
Good morning! Just some random incomplete thoughts happening here.....
Question: Does a nerve eventually die if it is pinched long enough?
Just curious since my numb thumb issue from a pinched nerve is still going on and I have had that nerve pinched for nearly a month, now. It is either I am getting used to that tingly, fallen asleep feeling or I just really do not care anymore and happen to be willing to wait for it to finally stop on it's own, but it does make me wonder when the day comes and it is no longer feeling that tingly-numb feeling if I will actually have what is considered normal touch sensation ever again.
Current feeling: My shut up filter is on the fritz! I almost told off DH last week about his attitude. I probably should, but I really hate opening that can of worms because it would definitely make me appear like that "elephant never forgets" type of woman that uses past faults as examples and a reason to be bitchy. What is in the past should remain in the past.... you know.... water under the bridge and stuff like that? Heck, I blog to just let the toxic crap go and move on, right?
Descriptive issue in my job: A client (well, lets just say potential client) asked me how the current trend of The Ombre' look came about. Now, if I was a smart woman, I would have just left it as saying it is a dimensional color trend, but nooooooo..... I had to tell this person what I really thought and it was not all that trendy, to say the least. I basically said that it was becoming popular because the economy stinks and the look originated from a high maintenance woman being cut off from her hair salon allowance. Yep, you heard it here.... I called a trend look a result of not maintaining a color service. NOW there is Ombre' in a box for those that don't want a professional to create the look. I can't wait to see how many people will have to get a color correction from that disaster-in-a-box! Heck, I am still trying to grasp the concept that pastel colors are not all that new, but just a revisit to the "old lady colors" from back in the day. Really.... has nobody figured out that term "blue haired old lady" came from? Blue, pink and lavender were all the rage for senior citizens and now are the trend for younger generations. Talk about a generation shock!!
The DD/DH dilemma: Learned that I can no longer reason with my child about anything!! She wants to become a vegetarian and I really have no issues with it.... as long as she does the buying and preparing of her own food. Being a short-order cook is not in my blood and I am just not motivated to spend more time in the kitchen than necessary. I just can't get DH to change his ways even slightly to improve his health and now I have a child that wants to flip to a side we cannot afford. She has been an impressionable child, but her concerns, albeit reasonable, are irrational for arguments sake. While she has tried to be a vegetarian with what we have in food choices we purchase every week, I happen to see a lazy bag of bones and it concerns me. She does not take vitamins and she lacks getting protein. A total raging red flag in my eyes. I am still at least trying to get her to at least consume some meat here. I have at least won the one battle with DH to eat more lean meats and less processed and red meats. The only "vegetarian" meal he will eat is spaghetti with marinara sauce. I cannot get the veggie crumbles like I used to that made it look like we had ground beef in the sauce because he is the hawk that looks at everything we buy at the grocery store and is very vocal about anything considered different in his eyes. I think it is time I get help in the great meat debate, but who can I turn to that can think two steps ahead of DD and reach her in a reasonable manner? I think my big brother is going to be getting a call real soon! That smart-arse is my last hope!
More of the DD/DH dilemma: I live in a zoo or the paraplegic ward! Nobody.... and I mean nobody is trying to be helpful around here! Garbage stays on tables or wherever it lands, clothes no longer go where they belong, food gets left out, the shoe obstacle course is set, and oh.... just to top it all off..... the ability to make ice cubes is apparently too advanced in the home economics department. Yep, I am dealing with a pair of the laziest people alive to date! I tried to see if DH would step up a little and wash a dish or make some ice... maybe even see DD put the salad dressing, butter, or peanut butter away. Apparently, they are completely blind when it comes to filth! Dishes are not making it to the sink, the garbage can is overflowing (that is, the garbage that they do manage to get in there), seeds/nuts landing on the floor, food is left out to rot, and DH is unable to rinse out the coffee pot he used. Nobody drinks coffee here but him, so it is not my mess to deal with, but apparently it is my responsibility to clean it. The coffee spills on the counter cannot even be wiped up! What is that all about????? My protest mode when it comes to cleaning has hit its limit and I have more added on. I think I am losing my mind!!!
Why bite the head off the messenger?: My neighbor called yesterday with a deal for an automatic shut off valve to the sewer line (a vital thing in my neighborhood). While we have a manual shut off valve at our home, it is up to the diligence of DH or myself (more me than him) to go out in the rain and shut the valve to avoid flooding every time it rains. With his lazy tendencies, I have braved the serious storms brewing outside to close the valve in order to avoid flooding. Been doing this for years. DH bought this nightmare... not me. Well, I was told to mention to DH this deal that is getting just about everyone on my block to get an automatic shut off valve. I know he wants one and this deal is basically too good to pass up, but I got my head bit off because there is no money to get one. Who cares that we got a refund from our taxes and it is just sitting there in our account? DH knows it is there, but never entered the deposit of our tax refund. It is enough to get one of these "piece of mind" devises, but he is acting like we never got the refund. Heck, I know it is his way of trying to get ahead financially, but this is an actual necessity and not a luxury. Well, it is a luxury to me if I do not have to go outside to shut the darn valve. Maybe that is why he refuses to get one. He can get this done, but refuses to even try! Really, when did $1750.00 become impossible to obtain? I see people getting a small loan to get this and he just flat out refuses to even look at the idea! I know we have enough from our tax refund to pay for this, but he is acting like the bottom is going to fall out any day. I wonder.... is his being adamant a way to punish me even more? Heck, what did I do to deserve this? I may love him, but I am not liking him very much these days. Maybe I should stop being the one to close that darn valve in the storms and let him do the cleanup. Chances are.... he would just let our house rot from the inside out just to spite me. Definitely feeling like I am serving a karma-kick-in-the-backside prison sentence for something I did not do.
The being nice smack down: I am a nice person. I know that I will go out of my way for my friends, my family and even my job. I just never realized, that is until recently, that my being nice is turning me into a welcome mat. My family refuses to show appreciation for what I do, and my co-workers have managed to hand me jewelry to fix, but not one measly card for my birthday (well, DD made a card for me and DH went with the tried and true thoughtless gift of candy). Heck! Only one co-worker wished me a happy birthday on Facebook and the customary birthday cake for employee's birthdays have passed me up for 5 years running, but yet again, Nancy goes out of her way when the need arises. I really do not want to be the bitch at work, but I feel it is about time that I become one and start demanding my fair share! Instead of some kind of happy birthday at work, I get a potential overflow client dangled in front of me to be taken away and a zip-lock bag with broken cheap-arsed jewelry to fix "in my spare time". Oh., and to pick up the slack when the shop princess cannot clean up after herself. Yep, I had a dismal day at work in more ways than one. I thought I was losing clients, but to later find out that people forget that I could come in on my days off for my clients and give them to others at the salon. Never really asking if I can come in unless it is yet another pedicure that I have stated I can no longer do because of back issues. I guess I speak in a foreign language because when I say "NO", they never hear me, but when I say "I CAN", they believe I can't. Really, what is that all about?
Beyond the usual frustrations, I guess I am doing as well as I can. Getting stepped on, forgotten about and verbally chewed out is getting quite tolerable nowadays. I do believe that what is being tossed my way is supposed to make me stronger, but when will fate change its path and give me a break.... I have no clue. Maybe all this toxic crap is supposed to destroy me, but I am too stubborn to let it happen. God knows I have been trying to change the course set before me, but all I do is fail. Maybe it is time to let the chips fall where they may and totally gut me into a shell of a human being. Sure has been feeling like I am getting more and more hollow. I can only assume I deserved this, but I really hoped it would be different.
Oh well....... (((((FLUSH)))).... Moving forward from here. Thanks for tolerating my flush of thoughts. It was not a floss.... just a drop and flush. Have a good day!
Question: Does a nerve eventually die if it is pinched long enough?
Just curious since my numb thumb issue from a pinched nerve is still going on and I have had that nerve pinched for nearly a month, now. It is either I am getting used to that tingly, fallen asleep feeling or I just really do not care anymore and happen to be willing to wait for it to finally stop on it's own, but it does make me wonder when the day comes and it is no longer feeling that tingly-numb feeling if I will actually have what is considered normal touch sensation ever again.
Current feeling: My shut up filter is on the fritz! I almost told off DH last week about his attitude. I probably should, but I really hate opening that can of worms because it would definitely make me appear like that "elephant never forgets" type of woman that uses past faults as examples and a reason to be bitchy. What is in the past should remain in the past.... you know.... water under the bridge and stuff like that? Heck, I blog to just let the toxic crap go and move on, right?
Descriptive issue in my job: A client (well, lets just say potential client) asked me how the current trend of The Ombre' look came about. Now, if I was a smart woman, I would have just left it as saying it is a dimensional color trend, but nooooooo..... I had to tell this person what I really thought and it was not all that trendy, to say the least. I basically said that it was becoming popular because the economy stinks and the look originated from a high maintenance woman being cut off from her hair salon allowance. Yep, you heard it here.... I called a trend look a result of not maintaining a color service. NOW there is Ombre' in a box for those that don't want a professional to create the look. I can't wait to see how many people will have to get a color correction from that disaster-in-a-box! Heck, I am still trying to grasp the concept that pastel colors are not all that new, but just a revisit to the "old lady colors" from back in the day. Really.... has nobody figured out that term "blue haired old lady" came from? Blue, pink and lavender were all the rage for senior citizens and now are the trend for younger generations. Talk about a generation shock!!
The DD/DH dilemma: Learned that I can no longer reason with my child about anything!! She wants to become a vegetarian and I really have no issues with it.... as long as she does the buying and preparing of her own food. Being a short-order cook is not in my blood and I am just not motivated to spend more time in the kitchen than necessary. I just can't get DH to change his ways even slightly to improve his health and now I have a child that wants to flip to a side we cannot afford. She has been an impressionable child, but her concerns, albeit reasonable, are irrational for arguments sake. While she has tried to be a vegetarian with what we have in food choices we purchase every week, I happen to see a lazy bag of bones and it concerns me. She does not take vitamins and she lacks getting protein. A total raging red flag in my eyes. I am still at least trying to get her to at least consume some meat here. I have at least won the one battle with DH to eat more lean meats and less processed and red meats. The only "vegetarian" meal he will eat is spaghetti with marinara sauce. I cannot get the veggie crumbles like I used to that made it look like we had ground beef in the sauce because he is the hawk that looks at everything we buy at the grocery store and is very vocal about anything considered different in his eyes. I think it is time I get help in the great meat debate, but who can I turn to that can think two steps ahead of DD and reach her in a reasonable manner? I think my big brother is going to be getting a call real soon! That smart-arse is my last hope!
More of the DD/DH dilemma: I live in a zoo or the paraplegic ward! Nobody.... and I mean nobody is trying to be helpful around here! Garbage stays on tables or wherever it lands, clothes no longer go where they belong, food gets left out, the shoe obstacle course is set, and oh.... just to top it all off..... the ability to make ice cubes is apparently too advanced in the home economics department. Yep, I am dealing with a pair of the laziest people alive to date! I tried to see if DH would step up a little and wash a dish or make some ice... maybe even see DD put the salad dressing, butter, or peanut butter away. Apparently, they are completely blind when it comes to filth! Dishes are not making it to the sink, the garbage can is overflowing (that is, the garbage that they do manage to get in there), seeds/nuts landing on the floor, food is left out to rot, and DH is unable to rinse out the coffee pot he used. Nobody drinks coffee here but him, so it is not my mess to deal with, but apparently it is my responsibility to clean it. The coffee spills on the counter cannot even be wiped up! What is that all about????? My protest mode when it comes to cleaning has hit its limit and I have more added on. I think I am losing my mind!!!
Why bite the head off the messenger?: My neighbor called yesterday with a deal for an automatic shut off valve to the sewer line (a vital thing in my neighborhood). While we have a manual shut off valve at our home, it is up to the diligence of DH or myself (more me than him) to go out in the rain and shut the valve to avoid flooding every time it rains. With his lazy tendencies, I have braved the serious storms brewing outside to close the valve in order to avoid flooding. Been doing this for years. DH bought this nightmare... not me. Well, I was told to mention to DH this deal that is getting just about everyone on my block to get an automatic shut off valve. I know he wants one and this deal is basically too good to pass up, but I got my head bit off because there is no money to get one. Who cares that we got a refund from our taxes and it is just sitting there in our account? DH knows it is there, but never entered the deposit of our tax refund. It is enough to get one of these "piece of mind" devises, but he is acting like we never got the refund. Heck, I know it is his way of trying to get ahead financially, but this is an actual necessity and not a luxury. Well, it is a luxury to me if I do not have to go outside to shut the darn valve. Maybe that is why he refuses to get one. He can get this done, but refuses to even try! Really, when did $1750.00 become impossible to obtain? I see people getting a small loan to get this and he just flat out refuses to even look at the idea! I know we have enough from our tax refund to pay for this, but he is acting like the bottom is going to fall out any day. I wonder.... is his being adamant a way to punish me even more? Heck, what did I do to deserve this? I may love him, but I am not liking him very much these days. Maybe I should stop being the one to close that darn valve in the storms and let him do the cleanup. Chances are.... he would just let our house rot from the inside out just to spite me. Definitely feeling like I am serving a karma-kick-in-the-backside prison sentence for something I did not do.
The being nice smack down: I am a nice person. I know that I will go out of my way for my friends, my family and even my job. I just never realized, that is until recently, that my being nice is turning me into a welcome mat. My family refuses to show appreciation for what I do, and my co-workers have managed to hand me jewelry to fix, but not one measly card for my birthday (well, DD made a card for me and DH went with the tried and true thoughtless gift of candy). Heck! Only one co-worker wished me a happy birthday on Facebook and the customary birthday cake for employee's birthdays have passed me up for 5 years running, but yet again, Nancy goes out of her way when the need arises. I really do not want to be the bitch at work, but I feel it is about time that I become one and start demanding my fair share! Instead of some kind of happy birthday at work, I get a potential overflow client dangled in front of me to be taken away and a zip-lock bag with broken cheap-arsed jewelry to fix "in my spare time". Oh., and to pick up the slack when the shop princess cannot clean up after herself. Yep, I had a dismal day at work in more ways than one. I thought I was losing clients, but to later find out that people forget that I could come in on my days off for my clients and give them to others at the salon. Never really asking if I can come in unless it is yet another pedicure that I have stated I can no longer do because of back issues. I guess I speak in a foreign language because when I say "NO", they never hear me, but when I say "I CAN", they believe I can't. Really, what is that all about?
Beyond the usual frustrations, I guess I am doing as well as I can. Getting stepped on, forgotten about and verbally chewed out is getting quite tolerable nowadays. I do believe that what is being tossed my way is supposed to make me stronger, but when will fate change its path and give me a break.... I have no clue. Maybe all this toxic crap is supposed to destroy me, but I am too stubborn to let it happen. God knows I have been trying to change the course set before me, but all I do is fail. Maybe it is time to let the chips fall where they may and totally gut me into a shell of a human being. Sure has been feeling like I am getting more and more hollow. I can only assume I deserved this, but I really hoped it would be different.
Oh well....... (((((FLUSH)))).... Moving forward from here. Thanks for tolerating my flush of thoughts. It was not a floss.... just a drop and flush. Have a good day!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Why?
Okay, I know that this blog had a one-word title, but I am honestly baffled on this topic....
Why can a person take a joke seriously, but take something serious as a joke? Or better yet... HOW can a person be capable of switching a sentiment of joking to serious and serious to joking? It just does not make sense to me!!!
The reason for sharing this baffling thought is brought to all of you from a recent situation that affects two out of three people in my house....
Just this past weekend, DH's parents came by for a visit. Of course, it is on the one day of the weekend that I am away from home and at work. I have come to the conclusion that they just have no interest in my existence and avoiding me is one of their rare talents. I really do not mind all that much because when I do see them at holiday family gatherings... they just ignore me and that is a second form of avoidance when you are put face to face with a person that they don't want to deal with. I never did anything to warrant this... I am a really nice person... I am fun to be around (or so I have been told).... Heck, I am more helpful than their own children and I am willing to help without being asked to do so. Never really made that much sense to me other than the thought that they believe I am less than worthy because I am not related by blood and only a part of their family through marriage. Pretty lousy excuse, but it definitely points to that conclusion.
Well, on their visit while I am not home.... They decided to give DH a little "gift" for mowing their lawn, putting in a second guard rail for the basement steps and for fixing their car upon demand. Yep, DH is a hard-working and giving soul, but not at his own home. That, my friends, is why I do so much around here. Of course, DH's parents are fully aware of DH's cholesterol issues and his heart issues, but still feel that it is okay to give him roughly 4 pounds of various sausages from a butcher place that they like. Totally fat laden and a screaming example of how cholesterol goes even more higher. They know that I do everything in my power to avoid all that processed stuff and the only sausage we consume here is the low-fat chicken or turkey variety (in small and random amounts). That is how I have managed to get his cholesterol down after his fishing trip. How do I know that my efforts were successful? DH had his semi-annual blood panel done after his annual fishing trip to show that his poor eating choices for 5 days spiked his cholesterol over 50 points, and had to have his test redone two weeks later after I fed him the better options and see that number drop the same 50 points. While his cholesterol is still considered on the high end... it is quite possibly manageable through diet and exercise if I was given a full chance to change his eating habits. With him being a picky eater that prefers to eat foods that can potentially be dangerous to his cholesterol issues and have zero control over controlling what a portion size with these foods... I have a serious uphill battle ahead of me.
With that being mentioned..... DD and I have been quite diligent in watching out for DH's health. I am the watchdog that chooses heart-healthier options to his favorite foods as well as the meals he is willing to at least eat. DD is the vocal opinion that rings in his ears about portion control and to eat his vegetables. Recently, DD voiced her opinion about the recent gift of sausage that he got from his parents and all he did was laugh it off and egg her on to a more frazzled state. Not once taking her concerns seriously. I even pointed out that her nagging at him about his health is because she cares and wants him to have a long and healthy life. All he did was give me a blank stare and said nothing about acknowledging about it. Heck, he did not even thank her for her concerns. He just said that he will eat that sausage and be happy about it... to heck with the dangers to his health.
Then, a couple of days later.... I teased DH about something that was so insignificant that it was painfully obvious that I was joking around, but he took me so seriously that he got defensive. I actually had to apologize for my little ribbing over really nothing just to end the argument that was brewing. I mean.... just joking about his inability to put his dirty socks in the hamper warranted hurt feelings, but seriously talking about his health had him brushing it off like water off a duck's back. Really, does that make sense?
I really want to ask him if he was dropped on his head as a child because his priorities are definitely out of whack. His reactions are something out of a parallel universe and has both DD and I either scratching our heads in confusion or frustrated to the point of punching a wall. Now, if his opposite reaction is a way of a coping mechanism... I would have to strongly suggest that he takes a long, hard look at how that is not really all that effective, but how does a person discuss this subject without getting yet again another round of insanely angry DH to deal with? What I suggest usually goes in one ear and out the other. He usually takes suggestion better from his friends and his parents, but how do I tell his parents that giving him sausages is a poor choice in a gift of thanks? They are fully aware of the heart and cholesterol issues DH has... In fact, there is a whole family history of it that they are aware of and never shared with their children until it was too late. More than half his siblings have either heart or cholesterol issues... or both. DH's brother has a carbon copy of issues to him and his brother has landed himself in the hospital more than DH has just because he likes to eat the same garbage that DH likes and has nobody to keep a vigilant eye and determined act to try to eat healthier. Since DH rarely ever cooks, it is up to me to make the right choices for him. Gee, even his parents have issues with heart or cholesterol and still think it is okay to take a dunk in dangerous waters from time to time. Do these people truly have a death wish? I know we are all going to die someday, but why rush the process with poor choices. That laugh off the serious stuff and take jokes seriously is definitely a wrong path to take.
I don't know... it could be a lack of interest beyond the usual with DH. Yesterday was my birthday and he did his usual "go-to" gift of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a card. I honestly have not had a peanut butter cup in over a year (I like the Reese's Sticks better), but he apparently never noticed. I would have been happy with just the card since I am on a diet, but I guess he never noticed my increase in eating vegetables and using my kitchen scale to weigh out a portion of foods. Am I really that invisible? Am I really that much of a burden that everything that comes out of my mouth that resembles a joke needs to be taken seriously and warrants an argument? Does every time I point out a fact that makes me right in an argument require the silent treatment and no apology or acknowledgement that I am right? Does every suggestion I have need to be labeled as the most stupid idea ever created, but have a friend suggest the same thing and it becomes the greatest idea since sliced bread or the invention of the wheel? Really, what did I do to deserve this? I apologize when I am wrong, I'll admit to be being wrong when I am shown that I am. I am open-minded and look at other points of view before making a decision. I pay attention to details... or I at least try to. I am a reasonable person. I am quite giving and willing to forgive easily. I just have no clue what got me to earn this polar opposite treatment all the time. Laughing it off or freezing me out sounds pretty polar to me.
All I know is that while I scratch my head in wonder, I have to accept this quirk as this is how things are. Definitely no sign of change on the horizon. I can predict how this conversation would go with DH and I if I questioned the parallel universe of reactions coming from him.... I will get denial at first and then the silent treatment for three days. After that expires... things just go back to the way that they have been and no resolution found. If I push for a solution or answers... the topic changes and it is pick out Nancy's flaws until he feels better, then the silent treatment will go for another three days until I can look at him without wanting to cry or punch him in the face and then things return back with yet again no resolution, solution, or understanding. There is only one thing I can do is point it out in a way at how it is affecting DD and I and let it drop. Leaving it up to him to figure it out and do something about it. Odds are... he won't, but at least I speak my peace and move forward. I guess it has to be this way, but if I ever got the opportunity to talk to DH's doctors... I would not hold anything back. Someone needs to hold him and them accountable because I am not taking the blame for this one if things get worse around here.
Why can a person take a joke seriously, but take something serious as a joke? Or better yet... HOW can a person be capable of switching a sentiment of joking to serious and serious to joking? It just does not make sense to me!!!
The reason for sharing this baffling thought is brought to all of you from a recent situation that affects two out of three people in my house....
Just this past weekend, DH's parents came by for a visit. Of course, it is on the one day of the weekend that I am away from home and at work. I have come to the conclusion that they just have no interest in my existence and avoiding me is one of their rare talents. I really do not mind all that much because when I do see them at holiday family gatherings... they just ignore me and that is a second form of avoidance when you are put face to face with a person that they don't want to deal with. I never did anything to warrant this... I am a really nice person... I am fun to be around (or so I have been told).... Heck, I am more helpful than their own children and I am willing to help without being asked to do so. Never really made that much sense to me other than the thought that they believe I am less than worthy because I am not related by blood and only a part of their family through marriage. Pretty lousy excuse, but it definitely points to that conclusion.
Well, on their visit while I am not home.... They decided to give DH a little "gift" for mowing their lawn, putting in a second guard rail for the basement steps and for fixing their car upon demand. Yep, DH is a hard-working and giving soul, but not at his own home. That, my friends, is why I do so much around here. Of course, DH's parents are fully aware of DH's cholesterol issues and his heart issues, but still feel that it is okay to give him roughly 4 pounds of various sausages from a butcher place that they like. Totally fat laden and a screaming example of how cholesterol goes even more higher. They know that I do everything in my power to avoid all that processed stuff and the only sausage we consume here is the low-fat chicken or turkey variety (in small and random amounts). That is how I have managed to get his cholesterol down after his fishing trip. How do I know that my efforts were successful? DH had his semi-annual blood panel done after his annual fishing trip to show that his poor eating choices for 5 days spiked his cholesterol over 50 points, and had to have his test redone two weeks later after I fed him the better options and see that number drop the same 50 points. While his cholesterol is still considered on the high end... it is quite possibly manageable through diet and exercise if I was given a full chance to change his eating habits. With him being a picky eater that prefers to eat foods that can potentially be dangerous to his cholesterol issues and have zero control over controlling what a portion size with these foods... I have a serious uphill battle ahead of me.
With that being mentioned..... DD and I have been quite diligent in watching out for DH's health. I am the watchdog that chooses heart-healthier options to his favorite foods as well as the meals he is willing to at least eat. DD is the vocal opinion that rings in his ears about portion control and to eat his vegetables. Recently, DD voiced her opinion about the recent gift of sausage that he got from his parents and all he did was laugh it off and egg her on to a more frazzled state. Not once taking her concerns seriously. I even pointed out that her nagging at him about his health is because she cares and wants him to have a long and healthy life. All he did was give me a blank stare and said nothing about acknowledging about it. Heck, he did not even thank her for her concerns. He just said that he will eat that sausage and be happy about it... to heck with the dangers to his health.
Then, a couple of days later.... I teased DH about something that was so insignificant that it was painfully obvious that I was joking around, but he took me so seriously that he got defensive. I actually had to apologize for my little ribbing over really nothing just to end the argument that was brewing. I mean.... just joking about his inability to put his dirty socks in the hamper warranted hurt feelings, but seriously talking about his health had him brushing it off like water off a duck's back. Really, does that make sense?
I really want to ask him if he was dropped on his head as a child because his priorities are definitely out of whack. His reactions are something out of a parallel universe and has both DD and I either scratching our heads in confusion or frustrated to the point of punching a wall. Now, if his opposite reaction is a way of a coping mechanism... I would have to strongly suggest that he takes a long, hard look at how that is not really all that effective, but how does a person discuss this subject without getting yet again another round of insanely angry DH to deal with? What I suggest usually goes in one ear and out the other. He usually takes suggestion better from his friends and his parents, but how do I tell his parents that giving him sausages is a poor choice in a gift of thanks? They are fully aware of the heart and cholesterol issues DH has... In fact, there is a whole family history of it that they are aware of and never shared with their children until it was too late. More than half his siblings have either heart or cholesterol issues... or both. DH's brother has a carbon copy of issues to him and his brother has landed himself in the hospital more than DH has just because he likes to eat the same garbage that DH likes and has nobody to keep a vigilant eye and determined act to try to eat healthier. Since DH rarely ever cooks, it is up to me to make the right choices for him. Gee, even his parents have issues with heart or cholesterol and still think it is okay to take a dunk in dangerous waters from time to time. Do these people truly have a death wish? I know we are all going to die someday, but why rush the process with poor choices. That laugh off the serious stuff and take jokes seriously is definitely a wrong path to take.
I don't know... it could be a lack of interest beyond the usual with DH. Yesterday was my birthday and he did his usual "go-to" gift of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a card. I honestly have not had a peanut butter cup in over a year (I like the Reese's Sticks better), but he apparently never noticed. I would have been happy with just the card since I am on a diet, but I guess he never noticed my increase in eating vegetables and using my kitchen scale to weigh out a portion of foods. Am I really that invisible? Am I really that much of a burden that everything that comes out of my mouth that resembles a joke needs to be taken seriously and warrants an argument? Does every time I point out a fact that makes me right in an argument require the silent treatment and no apology or acknowledgement that I am right? Does every suggestion I have need to be labeled as the most stupid idea ever created, but have a friend suggest the same thing and it becomes the greatest idea since sliced bread or the invention of the wheel? Really, what did I do to deserve this? I apologize when I am wrong, I'll admit to be being wrong when I am shown that I am. I am open-minded and look at other points of view before making a decision. I pay attention to details... or I at least try to. I am a reasonable person. I am quite giving and willing to forgive easily. I just have no clue what got me to earn this polar opposite treatment all the time. Laughing it off or freezing me out sounds pretty polar to me.
All I know is that while I scratch my head in wonder, I have to accept this quirk as this is how things are. Definitely no sign of change on the horizon. I can predict how this conversation would go with DH and I if I questioned the parallel universe of reactions coming from him.... I will get denial at first and then the silent treatment for three days. After that expires... things just go back to the way that they have been and no resolution found. If I push for a solution or answers... the topic changes and it is pick out Nancy's flaws until he feels better, then the silent treatment will go for another three days until I can look at him without wanting to cry or punch him in the face and then things return back with yet again no resolution, solution, or understanding. There is only one thing I can do is point it out in a way at how it is affecting DD and I and let it drop. Leaving it up to him to figure it out and do something about it. Odds are... he won't, but at least I speak my peace and move forward. I guess it has to be this way, but if I ever got the opportunity to talk to DH's doctors... I would not hold anything back. Someone needs to hold him and them accountable because I am not taking the blame for this one if things get worse around here.
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