Just thinking out loud about..... books I choose to read

As I toasted a bagel for breakfast this morning, I poured myself a glass of sparkling water.  After smearing on a little cream cheese.... okay, a fair amount.... I grabbed my breakfast, my drink of choice, and my ever present companion (my Kindle), and took a seat at the table.  As I looked down at my Kindle and the book I am rereading for probably the fourth time, I had managed to think of an answer to my daughter's question from not so long ago come to the surface.

"Mom, why do you read romance novels?"

At first, I used to blame the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  It was the desire to find something better written since I was on my last nerve if I read the word mercurial one more blasted time.  Sheesh!  You'd think this author would find yet another word for unstable, but alas.... she liked that word enough to where I considered taking a shot of Jack Daniels every time I came across that word.  Kind of like when people watch the State of the Union Address and drink to every time a certain word is said.  Heck, in recent events, I would have chosen the word "the" and enjoyed watching that babble more than I did, but I digress.

But as I thought a little deeper, I would claim that people gravitate towards the one thing that they lack in their lives.  Biographies, Autobiographies, and Non-Fiction of the like could easily say that they have a strong desire to learn more.  Comedies are for those that need a little more laughter in their lives, and fans of fiction feel the need for an escape.

I was a self-proclaimed mystery and science fiction fanatic for years.  With authors like Stephen King, John Saul, and James Patterson lined up on my shelf.  I have read books by Dan Brown, Harlan Coben, and Jodi Picoult. Of course, the one book I read from Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper), had me not pick up another one of her books.  I'll admit that the book was well written, but the emotions that resulted from what I read were a little much for me.  Dan Brown writes in a way that it feels like Non-Fiction, but definitely had me using Google a little much for my liking.

Since the arrival of my Kindle, the only books I keep in my house, actual books made of paper, that is, is the full series of Harry Potter books.  Yep, read them all and I do not care that these are considered books for kids to read.  Heck, I have all the DVDs to the movies, too.  I am a Harry Potter nerd ;)

Speaking of my Kindle and all the books that reside in there, I can say that out of, I don't know exactly, a hundred books or so.... just about every one of them are in the genre of romance.  Some good... some not so good.  Most I found for free, but purchased some from authors I really like.  I even have a couple of books written by friends of mine.  One is a Historical Romance and the other is a Mystery.  I am so proud of those friends of mine that have the talent and the drive to write an actual book.  I can read like a maniac, but I lack the traits to actually write a novel.

Now, here is the part that I get to explain my reasons for gravitating towards the genre of women's fiction/romance novels.

After a few bites of that bagel this morning, I realized that I read what I read because I do happen to lack those "warm fuzzies" a person gets from reading romance novels.  I like reading about how a person not feeling confident, become confident with a few kind words.  That journey to realization that happiness is in reach is what draws me in.  Yep, you read it here.... I lack the warm fuzzies!

My favorite authors in this genre are Kathleen Brooks, Jill Shalvis, Melanie Shawn, Susan Andersen, Kristan Higgins, and Jennifer Crusie.  Each author gives a little something that I would like to have in their writing.... small town charm, wit, humor, manners, respect, sensitivity, heart, and happy endings.  

Sure, it sounds sappy sharing these thoughts, but I have a life that lacks balance.  I have a tendency to go to extremes.... in everything.  When on a diet, I become very literal in the directions and refuse to step into those allowed gray areas like cheat days.  When I do... they turn into cheat months.  A quick cleaning of a room results in taking everything apart and meticulous scrutinizing of how it should look.  Sadly, that creates chaos in my closets when I have no clue where something should belong. And when it comes to relationships.... I end up being even more extreme.  If there is a trait I don't like, I switch gears and really focus on what I think will be acceptable.  While I have dated some quite romantic men in my life.... I focused on (and married) the least romantic person that has a wicked sense of humor because most of those romantic ones carried a large bag of insecurity with them ranging from control freak to clueless clinger.  A couple of them had a mean streak that concerned me and basically all of them lacked a sense of humor.  Sure, they had a few funny moments here and there, but they really lacked the ability to just laugh.  What I should have focused on is a person that was more balanced.  A person that has passion, but can be happy just being.  Oh, and one that is able to help out with housework wouldn't hurt, either.

Well, I can't really complain all that much because there are times that DH can be sweet.  In a recent purge of a room that I have been neglecting since I am at work more than I am not, I found a little note from him that I am planning on keeping... forever.  Not exactly sure when this was written and not exactly sure what he gave with the note (probably one of the two times he gave me flowers), but I guess I did alright with my choice.  Especially when I look at this note when he decides to be a thorn in my side to remind myself that even in extremes.... there is a little something that balances things out.  So.... in closing.... here is what that note said....

Hi.

I know your going thru tough times right now, and I'm not always there for you but I hope this will bring a little sunshine to your day.  

Love,

(DH)

Thanks for reading and have a great day!  May you find that something to balance your day :)

The peacemaker in me....

Being the youngest of my family does not exactly warrant the title of peacemaker.  That title usually goes to the middle child.  Sadly, when it comes to me.... I am apparently the exception to the rule.

Now, in my family that consists of my sisters and brother... I am not exactly a peacemaker in the truest sense of the term.  I am more like the child that gets to hang on the fringe.  I am helpful when needed and asked, but when it comes to trying to keep things on an even keel.... I am not that person.  Probably since we are all fully grown and have our days filled with our own obligations and responsibilities.  We were once a tight-knit family that made sure all the major holidays were spent with each other's company.  We also were that kind of family that always managed to call when a birthday arrived.  Heck, we all were keenly aware of how old our siblings were.  Not so much these days.  I believe the passing of my father was the final thread that kept us so tight-knit.  I do have to give my mom credit, though.  She is trying to hold the family together.  What is sad is that the vision of what we once were is considered less and less as time marches forward.  At least in the eyes of my siblings, and this is where I end up being the peacemaker....

My sisters are busy with their own spouses, work, and home life.  Can't blame them, really, but it appears that they just do not have the time to call just for the sake of saying "hi".  Same goes for my brother.  His life is apparently so topsy-turvy that the only times he calls is to talk to my daughter about an upcoming fishing trip, or if the proverbial baton is passed to me to step up more than my sisters in doing things that are family related.  Calls from my sisters don't add up to much, but I do hear from time to time that they will call me back later, but in all honesty... they don't.  Whatever was being discussed has long been forgotten.  It really does not bother me all that much.  I have come to accept my place on the fringe that is hiding in a dark corner.  It's all good.  It just bothers me when I get a call from mom about her getting basically the same treatment and how having her be left in that dark corner with me is affecting her.  At least she is not alone in the dark corner.  She has me.

In my own little family of DH, DD, and myself.... I AM THE PEACEMAKER.  DH and DD are sometimes like oil and water.  Neither understand each other.  You think that they would, since they are of the same stubborn mind.  Case in point: Recently, DH was complaining about the upstairs bathroom being a mess.  Since I don't really use that bathroom, I don't pay attention to how DD can be a one person whirlwind of a wrecking ball that lacks the ability to change out a toilet paper roll or empty out a garbage bin.  Sure, I do the cleaning around here, but with being at work more than I am not at work... it makes it even harder for me to keep up with the daily housecleaning requirements.  I can no longer follow my family with my arsenal of cleaning supplies.  I see it as if I can't get to it.... someone else can get to it for me.

Well, needless to say..... My outlook of having my family step up to help around the house is apparently a pipe dream.  I KNEW this would happen, but nobody here really listens to me anyway.  So.... after DH was complaining about the disastrous state of one of the two bathrooms in our little house, I took it upon myself to place to focus on cleaning it after I got home from work.  Figuring I was doing my job as peacemaker so that DH can be less of a thorn in everyone's side, I mentioned that I took care of the issue with the one bathroom after getting home from work.  Well, that just set him into a tirade!  He is demanding to know why I am cleaning a room that I did not mess up after working all day?  Huh.... interesting thought here.... I told him that since it bothered him so much, I took care of it because it needed to be done and nobody was stepping up to do it themselves.  Really, how hard is it to take care of something that is bothering you THAT much that it requires you to complain about it?  It shouldn't matter how it gets done, or even who does it.... what matters is that it is taken care of.  Since I already know that I enabled this behavior of my family, I only hoped that speaking my mind results in them realizing that it should be a team effort instead of it just being me taking on everything (as usual).  I was wrong, but I can still hope and pray it will change.  Just keeping the dream alive here.... one frazzled, non-confrontational step at a time.

Now, at work, I am also apparently a peacemaker.  I do my job and I do it well.  The constant professional that is always ready to be helpful.  Being short-staffed on multiple levels requires someone to step up and take care of things.  We have a shampoo assistant out for the past 2 months because of knee surgery, a boss still on the mend from her 4th surgery from the car accident that happened last year, co-workers that refuse to keep to their schedule, and an increase in demand to keep things going smoothly for the customer.  I have become a one woman crew in the salon I work at.  The shampoo assistant informed me that her return to work date has been pushed back again.  She thought she was going to be back in mid April.  Then it was beginning of May.  Now it is possibly the end of May.... maybe early June.  So with this person being M.I.A., I am doing her job and mine.  On Tuesdays, I am dealing with a fellow employee that really does not want to come to work, but calls in to make an excuse to not coming in to work.  When she is there, she is not focused and only stays an hour or two and then leaves.  Since it is just her and I on Tuesdays (because the other two stylists flat out REFUSE to follow a schedule, it ends up being only myself running the place on my own.  I shampoo, clean, make coffee, answer phones, do the laundry (towels), AND do the job I was hired for (hairdressing).  Basically, I earn commission on what my job is, but not an hourly wage for all the extras that should be covered by additional staff that is still not there.  I have considered leaving this place and going to rent someplace like those salon studios, but with this still being a rebuild of a client base from the last place I worked at.... I am not making enough to afford all the overhead that is required of being an individual contractor.  If I could, I would, since I feel like I am on my own so much.  My peacemaker abilities here are because my boss needs a reliable employee, and that appears to be me.

Now, with all this peacemaking..... I wonder why I don't feel like I can truly be at peace?  Is it because I take on too much and lose focus on what would make me happy?  Possibly.  But, with my days filled with avoiding the wrath of my families (home, work, and other), I really cannot focus on the one person that I should be focused on.... ME.  I should stop putting myself last, but I am starting to believe that all my enabling ways of being a peacemaker has put me in a position that I cannot stop.  Derailing this crazy train that is called life is not a good thing.  Definitely NOT a good thing.

Well, time to trudge forward and do a little more Spring cleaning in my house.  The room that houses my computer is a disaster and is in desperate need of a good purging.  Won't get it all done today, but I won't get all that much done if I sit here and floss my thoughts.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!