Lesson Learned and NEVER to be repeated....

Happy New Year!  Oh, that's right.... it is not 2015... YET.  I will say this... Today's blog post is DEFINITELY a fitting end to 2014 that just might give me hope that 2015 should get better.  And trust me.... I am praying that 2015 is better.

Of course, I should not be writing when I am teetering on the brink of losing my cool, but what better way to really share what I feel without a "filter", so to speak.  So, I am apologizing in advance for my penchant for cussing like a sailor or a trucker with road rage.

Just the other day, I blogged about my year in review and how I have put on my rose colored glasses to how things are just great or getting better.  That my year has lacked some sort of finesse of spinning the light fantastic and that even though my experiences were just so ho-hum and not all that exciting.  Call it writer's block, but I recall a time I wrote my actual feelings and took the slings and arrows of what I called criticism of who I am as a person and not in any constructive manner by people that tell me that they actually care for my well-being.  I am now screaming BULLSHIT and I am now going to lay it all on the line.  Luckily, you have taken this opportunity to hear not my final rant of 2014, and lets just pray that 2015 improves because I am seriously on the brink of breaking my "being nice and considerate" filter and really tell people what I think.

Lets begin... shall we?  RIGHT!

As it was noted in my previous blog entry, I started a new job.  I was not happy where I was working.  It had nothing to do with the people I was working with, but staying stagnant in a pool of quicksand was squeezing the life out of me.  You wonder what I mean by quicksand, right?  Simply put.... I put up with several years of being treated like the bastard child asking for scraps.  Hell, I was pleading for more work, but I was not seen as capable of growth with my one measly day of existence there.  I tried my hardest to build, but with others needing to do the same.... I kindly accepted what scraps was offered me and did my best to build a clientele.  The nice person I am accepted things as they were, but I had hope of building a solid clientele.  Heck, there was a time, I saw success in my sights and was going to ask for more hours.  Sadly, another turnaround happened in either the front desk support, a shift in management, or a whole new group of new stylists came in and with these changes.... I was pushed into the dark corner yet again.  At times feeling quite forgotten.  I did my best to keep my head up... or down working hard, through these many changes.  I remained true to who I am.... A reasonable human being.  It just took a while to hit my limit of the bullshit of being shoved in the corner, forgotten, and feeling like the bastard child.  I held no animosity towards anyone that is still there.  I really do wish them the best and I do miss those few that became really good friends to me.  It hurt to leave, but I had to.  I needed opportunities to grow.

Now, with this new place I call my work home, I felt that there is opportunity.  I shared with my new boss my need to increase my presence to build a clientele and she gave me hours that I could work with.  Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:00 am until 3:00 pm, and Saturdays from 9:00 am until 4:00 pm.  Sounded ideal since I have a family that refuses to step up and help around the house.  I did not have to leave my daughter home alone at night, since DH seems to always be working late, and I was always home to at least have dinner on the table before DH did come home.  Sure, my housework duties are suffering, but it will just take some time to get a system in place so I can be the overachiever housewife that I have been for almost 15 years.  I know it is my fault for enabling my family to be lazy, but DH made it very clear that if I am at home to take care of the home.... there is no need for others to help me.  I felt that even with my challenges regarding home and work... things were going to look up.  I was determined to make it happen.

Well, when I started at my new job.  I had a real opportunity to build because I was starting right when the holiday rush had started.  With those few clients that told me that they were following me to my new place of employment and new walk-in business.... Things were really looking up.  All of the new fellow employees seemed to be the exception to the rule of being uncomfortable for this new kid in the salon.  I felt really blessed.  THAT is when I realized that regardless of what I tended to believe was not necessarily fact.  Here is what happened since my recent move and how I am on the brink of just putting my scissors away and never look back...

Lets see... shall I begin with the supposed rumors being started that I am telling unkind and untruthful stories about another coworker that I have known for over 15 years?  Or shall I tell you about how I am being accused of being an opportunity-stealing whore?  How about this one....  How about I tell you the story of how being the nice person that I happen to be to EVERYONE is seen as fake and that I am a kiss-ass because I desperately need to be accepted by my co-workers?  Maybe I need to share the multitude of guilt-trips I get just for existing?  Heck, those few new clients that pre-booked future appointments with me is frowned upon as being a client-whore.  Regardless that I sit with absolutely NOTHING in my book for hours, waiting for an opportunity to shine, while my co-workers feel entitled to just show up whenever and leave when they want to because they do not believe in the fact that in order to build a clientele... YOU NEED TO BE AVAILABLE WHEN THE CLIENT NEEDS YOU.  It is not my fault that they cannot make their rent that month.  In this line of work.... you need to be working to EARN your paycheck.  Sitting around with nothing to do is not gonna pay the bills, but so is not being at work when you are supposed to be there.  I have no clue how these people believe that entitlement is going to get them ahead in life, but my existence is a reality-check and I am definitely not well liked or welcomed for it.  Heck, the emotional hell I have been going through these past two (2) whole months, makes me almost miss my non-existent existence from my last job.  

I know that starting at a new place in a commission-based service industry is going to be hard.  I know it takes time for people to get to know me and believe that I am a really nice person with no intentions of malicious tendencies.  I do not have a vindictive bone in my body and I do my best to believe there is good in others, but I do have my limits.  If someone pushes me... I will push back, but I do think before I push, so when I do push back.... I am pushing for the right reasons and not have it be some knee-jerk reaction because I have strength I have not tapped into yet and fearful how strong it is.  Plainly put... I don't want to hurt people.  I take a lot of shit from people and that may make me look like a wimp or a proverbial doormat, but I am stronger than what most people give me credit for.  Heck, I put up with several years of bullshit from my last job before I cut my ties.  I put up with bullshit in my own home on a daily basis, and that has been happening for years.  I did not ask for this bullshit, I don't want it, and I don't have time for it, but I tolerate it for the greater good. 

Damn shame I am so tolerant, but I did happen to have the year 2014 to go out with a lesson to hold close to my heart.  What is the lesson, you ask?  No matter how strong you want to believe that everything will be okay....  Nothing is as it seems.

Remember:  People will try to break people down.  It can be with a sneer just as easily as it is with a smile, and the most dangerous ones will do it with a smile to your face.

Will I get stronger from these recent events?  I think I can.  Will I continue to move forward?  I am going to do my best.  Am I going to tolerate the bullshit?  Well, that is anyone's guess, but I would strongly advise against shoveling more my way.  Will my new co-workers  stop with the petty bullshit and accept me as part of the team?  Doubtful, since there is pettiness between some long-standing employees.  My heart went out for one that has had some nasty names said about her behind her back, but not anymore since she decided today to rope me in with the haters and called me a threat to her paycheck.  I don't have room for stupid people, and that includes the delusional ones.  I have had my fill of that drama bullshit and apparently being nice to these whack-jobs is just gonna drag me down with them.  I do know, that if they decide to come around and be nice to me.... I am going to be very careful around them and not let them in. I will handle it in a way of ealing with a crazy person.... gentle, slow and VERY detached.  As the saying goes... "a leopard cannot change its spots", sure, it can mask it if they rolled around in the mud, but those spots will always be there.

Thanks for reading.  Have a happy New Years Eve and may 2015 be WAY better than 2014.  Be safe and look for new stuff to come next year.

My year in review.....

WOW!  2014 is almost over and 2015 is just mere hours away.  Well, if those hours are can also be counted in 24 hour increments to count days.... I have a few days until I need to constantly remind myself of the year change on anything that requires having a date written, that is.  So, with that in mind.... I would like to share with you what has happened in the past 12 months....

Obviously, I have returned to my original blogger site.  There was a moment that this site made some changes and would not allow me to share on any social media site except Google +, and I rarely ever utilize that site.  Most likely because this "old dog" needs time to learn new tricks.  Sure, I have a Google + page, but not all the cool kids hang there (wink, wink).  Luckily, in my computer addled mind, I figured out how to share where I want to and I am quite happy about that.  With that accomplishment achieved.... I just need to find that darn Windows template for my grocery list and get that back on my computer and my life will be complete.  How pathetic is that?

Well, lets see.... what has happened to my over these past 12 months.....  Hmmm....

Not all that much has been happening.  I only have a few highlights to share and then I am off to do way too much with very little time to accomplish it all.

I have been the wormiest of a bookworm lately and still hooked on women's fiction.  I am totally hooked on authors like Kristan Higgans, Jill Shalvis, and Kathleen Brooks, but I am also a fan of Melanie Shawn.  With roughly over 200 books read so far.... you think I would hit a rut and change genres, but I am hooked on quirky characters, mild angst, and happily ever afters.  Who knew?  Not me, but here I am.... looking for more to read of that romantic garbage that I loathed in my younger years.  Darn shame Janet Evanovich tapped out when it came to good books to read.  She was quite good, but luckily an up and comer named Elise Sax is taking her place.  Heck, I became actual Facebook friends with the author and that alone is pretty cool!  Never personally met the woman, but I sure do love her slant of humor in her books.  I only have one more author to mention in my list of go-to authors of this year and she does not write romance....  Jen Lancaster is an absolute HOOT and her memoirs are of legend!  In fact, I did meet her once at a book signing at the local library.  I even got to meet her husband Fletch and had a few laughs.

If I am not reading my way through life, I am also learning various bead weaving patterns.  Mostly in the making of jewelry.  I went from nameless customer to friend to hairdresser of the owner of the bead store I was visiting so frequently... people thought I worked there.  Everyone that has seen what I have made keep asking me to sell my stuff, but once I tell them how much I would have to sell it in order to make a small profit from it.....  people just admire it and walk away.  What I spend in beads, along with the time I spend making stuff....  Lets just say.... I cannot compete with chain stores like Charming Charlies and Claires.  Art is expensive and what I make is art.  Or so as I have been told.  Maybe, someday, I will get the drive to set up an Etsy account or participate in a craft fair, but for now..... I am just enjoying the task at hand.

On a more personal note, I have had some changes....  My marriage hit a real rough patch and there was talk of a split.  DH was not happy and neither was I for a while there.  After a HUGE blow-up of epic proportions, we had to come to an agreement.  Of course, it took me to point out all of the deep thought I had going on to have him see that marriage is not easy and it takes effort of both to make it work.  Sadly, I informed him that I have put far too much effort on my own and handed the baton to him to realize he needs to put in more effort.  The moment I did that..... there is a calming of the storm, so to speak.  Sure, I see there are times he is about to blow up over some minuscule thing, but I give him time and space to figure out a solution before it gets out of hand.  Of course, since his little announcement of wanting to split and with me not caving in (I actually got really mad), our family is detached, but attached.  We are all in the same house, but in different parts to give each other some space to get our heads on straight.  DH takes the living room, I take the family room, and DD prefers the comfort of her bedroom.  Once all of us have a little down time... we come together and talk it out like rational people.  No more are the days of confronting the problem right away.  We take the time to think things through and see things from another's point of view.  Chances are.... things will blow up again, but for now.... things are good.

On the career front.... I drew the line in the sand and changed jobs when the line was crossed.  I was working one day a week for several years with hopes of increasing the number of days and hours to something more than where I started.  Sure, I could have just added more days, but other factors were holding me back.  I needed to have clients (a reason for being there) to increase and with the drama, mistakes-a-plenty in the appointment book, and the lack of actual space for me to actually be there... I was losing clients.  I will not point the finger at anyone for that, but something was going on that did not rub me the right way and I knew I had to go.  I loved where I worked, I loved the people I worked with, but I felt like the proverbial whipping child and it was wearing me down to the point where I was not liking my job all that much.  I witnessed too many walk-outs to count, there has only been a handful of people that weathered these storms and half of the staff changed so frequently.... I never really got to know any of them.  It was feeling more like a factory or pit stop for some of those people.  Teamwork was at an all time low and there was so much animosity that a person can actually feel it in the air.  With that in mind.... I left without a new place secured.  I was frantic, but I knew what I wanted and found a place that is willing to meet mt needs and I couldn't be happier.  Sure, it is going to be hard to rebuild what I lost in the move from one salon to another, but I have faith that it will get better over time.  It did not hurt that my move happened during the holiday season.  I got the new walk-in clients and started building from the start.  Of course, with dealing with a holiday rush.... the next two months will be painfully slow and my paychecks will definitely suffer.  But with the additional days of being available to clients, a work space of my very own, an appreciative boss, and a support staff that put the word support in support staff.... I have faith that things will be just fine in time.  As with any new person in a salon environment, there will be some animosity and drama, but that will also blow over in time once they realize that what they see in me is what they get.  I am the real deal and I am there to work.  My smile is genuine and I am a nice person.  If my new co-workers don't like it... I am not worried.  I have at least seven more years before I lose my cool.  I am patient like that.

Other than that.... lets see....  DD is doing GREAT in school (all A's and a few B's), and is looking to go to summer school so she is guaranteed her AP class in science next year.  Her career path is lookig like it will be science-based and she is currently interested in the field of CSI (crime scene investigating).  Not all that confident that is her perfect fit of a career, but I support her choices.  She needs to be happy with what she does.  She is competing in speech club and doing well in the field she was placed in (humorous interpretation), and she joined a few other clubs in school.  Just so proud of her that she is so active in school and manages to keep up those good grades.  DH is doing well.  He has not had any heart issues over the past three (going on to four) years since his health scare back in 2011.  He is eating healthier (my doing), and he enjoys his daily walks for activity.  He quit smoking shortly after his health scare and is happier with how he feels... so proud of that.  Sadly, these holidays are taking a toll on our waistlines and with Christmas finally past us... we can get back on track with better food choices.  I just hope we can get exited over salads again because I definitely need to dig deep to find the love for lettuce again (blech).

Well, I am off to get a part for the garage door opener today.  Darn thing broke last night and I had to park in the driveway.  Apparently, a gear in the thing turned into dust from years of use (it was plastic, of all things).  Just glad it did not crush anyone because it went up a little before crashing down.  Con't complain about getting this thing fixed.  Found the replacement part in stock at Sears and it was only $24.99 (before tax), and that is a bigger savings compared to what the cost of a new one is.  Oh, and having a partner in life that insists on fixing everything.  Heck, he has fixed these old appliances in my home for so long that they are now back in style.  While I would love something new in this house.... I am just happy with functioning stuff.  Yep, one year of nothing much has me appreciating even more the less of life.

Wishing you all only the best to come in 2015.....  Thanks for reading!