Just shaking my head in utter frustration.....

Good morning!
I have been blogging with with site for quite a while and I have managed to share my thoughts with my friends via Facebook for almost just as long, but now I can't.  Apparently Google+ is all the rage and I really have no interest in this form of social media.  So those simple days of just clicking "Share with Facebook" are now long gone.  Probably because I now rarely have the blogging gene in me that this change happened without my knowledge.  I have searched the help section to find a way to get my blog back to what it was when I started, but apparently I am not allowed the option, AND not allowed to easily find a solution.

Maybe the day has finally come that I just give up trying to share thought this way.  I will, though, make one feeble attempt to share this on Facebook and see if what I have tried has managed to make this work.  If not?  Well, if you happen to be more computer savvy than I am, then welcome to my blogging page.

Okay, here I go with some much needed release and probably some less than positive thoughts being shared.  Please keep in mind that this blog is about MY THOUGHTS and are in no way backed with research or published findings.  I happen to know that there are quite a few fact checkers out there that will dispute, nitpick, or dissect what I have to share in some shape or form to point out the many faults I happen to have.  That usually ranges from my political views and trickles down to my choice of music or my favorite food choice.  Just keep in mind that these are MY THOUGHTS AND MY OPINIONS and there will obviously something remotely entertaining here.  Doubtful, but a person can hope, right?  Especially when my misery is considered entertaining, so here goes.....

Money is tight in my household.  Of course, it is tight just about everywhere else, but in my situation?.....  It is downright painful.  Cost of living, taxes and the job market have wreaked major havoc here.  I have been looking for more stable income to help my family for YEARS, but sadly, the job market is more of an "employers market" than an "employees market".  College degrees AND on the job experience are requirements and no longer are the days of "entry level".  Well, unless you have a strong ability to sell stuff you cannot afford.  Selling is not my strong point and obviously if I was to be paid commission to sell some trinket.....  I am not making enough to pay for the gas in my car, or have a car.

With the years of attempting to find a job that allows me to be the "super mom" that apparently my family sees me as (because they leave everything to me to handle; the cooking, cleaning, the errand running, fixing stuff, and in some cases lawn care which includes shoveling snow.... basically, I do it all), I either happen to be "overqualified" or painfully "under qualified".  I have a trade school degree in Cosmetology (aka a hairdresser) and no college degree.  Before the economic crash in 2008, I was able to get work in an office, a bank, or a store.  In fact, I was a customer service representative at a time, as well as a bank teller and a purchasing assistant for a manufacturer.  In fact, I even did a stint as a secretary for a collection agency, so I can tell you that I have a well-rounded knowledge of various things, but sadly, the school of hard knocks is not an accredited college or university and my work history no longer applies as something viable in the job market.  I did, though, find a place I could work AND give me all that I need, but alas, getting a job in the local high school (or any school) district is more difficult than getting a government job and getting a government job is downright impossible.  I have been on the "clerical substitute list" for the past 3 years and with the random calls in to help..... there has been no offers of a job.  Even when I apply outright, of which I put in 4 years of attempts.  Full time, part time.... is does not matter.  I just want an opportunity to get my foot in solidly in this world and I am passed over more times than I care to count.  I have cried so many times being denied stable work that I have no more tears to shed.  I wish I did, but I don't.

Well, that is when our healthcare insurance changed.  From having really good coverage to basically none, I now self-diagnose and try to treat with over the counter drugs.  Sure, there is this law that requires everyone to have healthcare coverage, but the cost is insane and what is affordable is like not having any coverage at all.  Well, except the monthly bill to pay for the plastic card that states on the back of it that...."This card does not guarantee coverage.  If you have questions regarding eligibility, call..."  Yep, I have what is considered the worst healthcare coverage I have ever had in my life.  With the rising costs of medications, the less coverage of doctor visits and the miles of red tape and flaming hoops to jump through of what is considered covered and what is not.....  I spend more time on the phone with the insurance company trying to figure out if it is worth seeing a doctor at all.  In all honesty.... with the increased premiums and the lowered actual covered services.... I am taking serious risks to my health.  Even DH (my darling husband or any other "d" word that applies to describe my husband) is opting to not take important and life saving tests because when a test has the potential to become a "procedure", the money we shell out becomes more than what we actually have and we just do not have the money to pay for it and keep the basic necessities for not just ourselves, but our family.  Really, it has boiled down to eating or seeing the doctor and I would like to be be able to eat.  Of course, we eat poorly because the only cheaply attainable foods are processed garbage, we are already hurting ourselves regardless.  Talk about controlling the population, right?  Just kill off those less fortunate, but apparently too fortunate to be considered completely destitute.... aka "the middle class".

With this in mind, I have had the plethora of misfortune crash down on me and my family.  Just last week, after months of poor sleeping patterns due to stress and no chiropractic coverage, I go seriously sick very quickly.  Congestion so bad, I could not swallow, unless I wanted to choke, hit me like a ton of bricks.  A fever of 101 had me shaking from head to toe.  Aches and pains everywhere and no money to see the doctor and the inability to say no to any kind of work.  Of course, having a severe cold was just the beginning because (here is a TMI moment)....  infected hemorrhoids made it hard to sit, lay down, or even move (of which decided to burst during my fever), my menstrual cycle started a day later AND I managed to break a tooth to the point I was required to get a crown.  Hmmm.....  spending over $1500 that we do not have is not helping matters, but it happened.  Then, of course, I got my annual pap smear results and those came back "abnormal", but apparently "non cancerous" and I have the option to go back in 6 months to get rechecked which will set me back roughly $200 or resume back to my annual, fully covered visit, but who knows.....  it might become serious and I would not know until next year when it has a chance to become something deadly.  THANKS OBAMACARE!  I have enough smoke blown up my backside to where I might be doomed to an early death because my new healthcare coverage is too expensive to be thorough enough to keep me healthy.  Oh, and THANKS TO THE ECONOMIC CRASH WITH NO END IN SIGHT because we cannot get above water financially to afford better care.  Oh, and lets not forget to THANK THE CRAPPY JOB MARKET that I cannot get a job that I can qualify for that offers stable pay to even help my family get close to being slightly above water.  I cannot afford to get a sparkly new college degree to attempt to get a job I can qualify for since it is a requirement that you need to have BOTH a degree AND on the job experience, regardless that training is basically mandatory for any job due to varying procedures and protocol.

While it is easy to blame the CEO's of major corporations, Administrators of schools, and such for the difficulty of letting a hard-working person with a strong work ethic have a chance of getting work, we have to also consider the governmental control over spending to exist through taxes that push decent jobs overseas and to other countries.  For without all of you "puppet masters" and your desire to have it all and the lobbyists that fight for your "causes" to keep you rolling in money......  Things may have been too good here in the grand old U S of A.  Glad to see the commercial ads of helping third world countries when your own country is just about as piss poor.

Trust me when I had said I have no more tears left in me because when I cried over the acknowledgement that I was going to cost over $1500 in bills somewhere (either doctor or dentist, of which the dentist won out), I cried the very last that I had that day.  I have taken time to pray to God for help and I am ashamed of myself for the begging that I am doing.  This grand plan of fate has destroyed me and I am waiting for the next shoe to drop.  Will it be cancer?  or will it be a bullet between the eyes?  All I know is that I really do not want to be a burden to my family and my friends anymore.

She said, they said, and the nugget of truth in the middle.....

Okay, here is a brief synopsis of why I am sharing this blog entry today and the results that were found.

There are some people that are aware of a situation that required my undivided attention at DD's school.  Well, in the most direct of terms... it appears that there is some not-so-kosher things going on.  DD handed me her second-term report card and I was shocked and upset, to say the least.  My once above average graded child suddenly went from A's and B's with maybe a C in the mix to getting a handful of D's.  Feeling the need to get to the bottom of this sudden major drop in her GPA, DH and I sat with DD to discuss our concerns.  What we were not prepared to hear is how these teachers have become completely lackluster in their passion to teach our youth.  The complaints from DD started with lack of control in the classroom to outright statements that were less than encouraging to the class.  Just hearing DD state that her Algebra teacher announced that there was going to be a test in a couple of days and she was sure that every one of them would FAIL, had me seeing shades of red never seen before.  Not once was I called in to meet with DD's teachers about her sudden drop in grades or did they even offer DD any opportunity to do anything to assist in getting her grade up.  Basically, these teachers enjoy seeing their efforts result in poor grades.  What baffled me the most is how this "blue ribbon of excellence" rated school could just watch any child suffer and not offer to step up and do something about it is beyond all fathomable reason to me.  What turned me into angry mama bear mode is watching my daughter break out in a fit of tears when I told her that she is far too intelligent to get these poor grades.  Heck, last night's homework debacle of not offering a repeat of what the homework assignment (and not post it on-line for future reference if forgotten) put DD in such a state of panic, I stepped up to search for a chain of parents that may have the PTA phone book of phone numbers of students to find at least one student that knew what the homework assignment was.  Needless to say... after a half dozen phone calls, we got the assignment information and got the homework done before bed time.

Now, with you all caught up, I will go on to telling you what happened next.

Sick and angered at what was going on, I called the school and demanded to speak to the principal with my findings.  Of course, knowing that teenagers will embellish a story for desired effect, I wanted to get both sides of this story.   I requested demanded a meeting with all of DD's teachers, the administrative staff and the school counselor/social worker.  I needed to get their side of the story.  After discussing my perception of things that I got from DD, I asked for their side of the story.  As the saying goes.... there is his side and there is her side... and somewhere in the middle the truth comes forward.  In this case... it is her side and their side I have to contend with.  I am on a mission to find the truth!

With some faces looking smug while others looking quite shocked, I got to hear their reasons for DD's poor grades.  Apparently, DD has not been turning in her homework on time, or at all.  She tests well, she participates in class, and she happens to have a firm grasp of the subjects at hand, but she is not holding up her end of the homework bargain.  With that in mind, they knocked her grade to below average as more of a punishment than an actual assessment of her abilities.  All teachers did not mention any need to contact me, nor offer DD an opportunity to do extra credit work to get her grades up since late assignments do happen to take points from the grade earned.  I asked for clarification on this matter and was told that a student's grade can drop a full letter grade for late turn-in, regardless of situation.  Out sick?  Lose a letter grade.  Day late on turning in an assignment?  Loss of a letter grade.  Getting your answers right without supplying your work to get that answer (regardless if it was asked for or not)?  A loss of a letter grade.  Turn in too much information?  A loss of a letter grade.  Not enough?  You may be sitting out in the hall as a punishment, thus losing essential learning time and losing yet another letter grade.  I was told that my daughter is quite bright and can do extraordinary things, but since she lacks the ability to conform, she will appear to be struggling grade-wise.  Oh, and this service of being able to look up assignments on-line?  Not mandatory for the teachers to do, but leaves students in a total lurch.  Makes me wonder why they even offer this if it is not being consistently utilized.

Half way through this meeting, I requested for DD to sit in on the meeting to hear what the teachers and staff are saying.  All I saw was the quivering of chin and tears welling up in her eyes.  Made me sad to see it and made me wonder if the tears were because there is some serious damage-control lying happening before her or her lies are coming to bite her on her backside.  I am still undecided to where this nugget of truth lies.  I have seen DD do her homework when she gets home, but I am not there at the school when she turns it in.  What I did learn is that my daughter lacks having a voice when it comes to these people.  I am not sure if it is because these people intimidate her or she feels totally defeated in telling me anything.  Of course, I do need to factor in the whole social aspect and how ruthless kids can be to one another if one goes against the grain, so to speak, by putting in more effort than the rest or asking questions if unclear.

You see, she most likely feels like she is against the world with nobody in her corner.  Adults tend to agree with other adults and believe that their children are lying.  While I want to believe what she is saying verbatim, I need to hear from all sides when it comes to the situation to make a decision of my own.  I have not told DD what I decided just yet, but I can tell you this.....  I have a feeling that she is being a little more forthcoming than they are.  While I do not totally agree upon the severity that DD is telling me, I do believe that there is some truth to what she has told me and I am going to be in her corner.  I am just going to play it differently than what she would like it to play out.  I will be watching these teachers with a more keen eye as well as being more involved in making sure DD is better organized.  I will be checking in with these teachers when they are not looking and I will question every statement that they make as well as every excuse they use.  They are not going to like how "up in their business" I am going to be, but rest assured that I am not going to let DD get the short end of the stick ever again.  But DD also has to realize that with my increased involvement, I will be on her just as hard as I am on her teachers and will call her out if she is performing at less than par.

The current outcome that these teachers know is that I am alert and keeping a keen eye on this situation and that they better be just as diligent in doing the job that they are paid for and to uphold the mission statement of the school of reaching all students to give them the best education possible.  While some of their core lesson plans are sub-standard in my book, there is not much I can do about that.  Unless I take it to state government levels and with my lack of trust in the government.....  I am not seeing anything changing any time soon.  I just need to be the teacher that DD needs in how to work with the system in place and make the most of it.

Well, DD is due to be home soon and I already informed DH of what happened at the meeting.  We just have to create a system to get everything back on track.

Thanks for reading and have a great day.