Beauty should not be based upon what is seen, but what is felt. Sadly, we are all too familiar with what is on the outside than what is on the inside. Well, it is far easier to see what is in front of us than look deeper into who the person really is.
I guess my reason for sharing that thought is because I needed to release the ache that resides just under my skin.
I know that my feelings have been hurt for a long time. A lot of it is superficial stuff; frustration from other things, stress in the air, poor communication skills and fear. Only today I somehow managed to add yet another thing to that list of what makes it hard for people to see beyond the surface and see the beauty that comes from within.... It is predictable comfort. Well, that is the best description I can offer right now. The right word has been sitting in the back of my mind, but cannot come forward.
Predictable comfort is what people tend to get into when their surroundings are so relaxed and familiar.... broken-in, if you can think of it that way. Just like that ratty, old pair of slippers that sit next to the bed, or that worn-down, but comfortable pair of jeans that get worn more than the others that hang in the closet or is folded into a drawer. It is that predictability that it will always be there, waiting for you. While I describe this, it sounds more like what beauty and love should entail. That love of something that is no longer new, but is a part of who you are and what you like. Sadly, it is not the case when it comes to attraction or even appreciation of the beauty a person happens to have. When there is predictable comfort, there is a lack of focus on the appearance and a lack of appreciation that is needed. Maybe I should have used cars instead of the comfortable things we have in our homes. When we get a new car, we are enamored with its appearance... It's sleek lines, the absence of rust, the purr of a finely tuned engine, and maybe that new car smell. After time marches forward, that beautiful machine we purchased starts to lack all those attributes that attracted us to purchase that car; it starts to rust, there are dents or dings on that sleek exterior, that soft purr of the finely tuned engine starts to sound a little louder, and that new car smell has faded away. There is still love for the car, but the superficial beauty that attracted us is gone and all that there is left is reliable comfort. It is no longer something admired, but it is reliable. I think that is what my problem is when it comes to my need for DH to appreciate me more like when I was new to him and not be appreciated as the rusted piece of metal that is coined as Old Reliable.... The love is still there, but it is less intense. With people, as in cars, we can do things to spruce things up, but what we really want is something that is less superficial and more emotional.
Even as I tried to describe this as a car, I still see problems in getting my point across. Really, I seriously doubt that DH is shopping around for a new wife like he would for a new car. He appreciates the classics. I just feel more like the rusted out truck that sits in my driveway all summer. It looks absolutely awful, but it still runs like a champ. Granted, he still is assured that it will always remain reliable, he no longer appreciates the look of it anymore. HA! That is what I am feeling like.... a rusted, old, 1992 Ford F-150 with faded paint, rust, and in need of some new tires. The engine is in great running order, but no longer the first choice in transportation. I am no longer thought of first. Not that I have asked to be, and I would sure hope he thinks of his daughter first, but I feel more like that option that offers a grunted sigh of resignation when all other options are not feasible.... Just call me Old Reliable! Lately, I have been feeling as resigned as that truck in my driveway. Heck, if that truck could talk, it would tell me a story that I am oh, so familiar with. In all honesty, I really like the truck. If it got some much needed TLC, it could be a great truck again. But DH thinks it would be better to find a better truck on the outside and transplant the reliable engine from Old Reliable and give this choice of transportation new life. He wants the exterior to be pretty again because he lacks the vision to look beyond the rust and faded paint to see the beauty this vehicle has. Kind of like when I mentioned that beauty should be felt instead of seen to be fully appreciated.
How sad is that???? No wonder why I feel so unappreciated and unhappy! That metaphor of his truck is the story of my life! No wonder why I am so unhappy with myself and my situation!! I have seriously tried to look better for him and he still sees me as his rusted old truck that sits in our driveway! I am so unhappy that I cannot lose the weight I have gained over the years... I have become an emotional eater! If you are what you eat, then I am junk! I run to junk food as my friend that comforts me! I want the comfort to come from him, darn it!! I want reassurance that I am still pretty in his eyes. I want to know that what is on the inside matters more than what is on the outside!! I am not getting any younger, ya know, and it would feel really nice to be appreciated for more than what I do for him like what that reliable engine has done for him over the years! But alas, I know that it will never change. If he cannot see it now, he will never see it ever. I have tried for years to get him to open up and share his feelings about me. Not the barrage of complaints stacked on my shoulders about money or mixing vegetables in his meal or if the house is not perfectly spotless. I am tired of the predictability of his need for the remote control to watch mindless TV with more vigor than actually looking at the woman he married. I am tired of the robotic act of saying I love you when he leaves for work or ends a call with me. Heck, that has become a barometer of knowing if he is not mad at me and that everything is just peachy-keen than an actual term of endearment. What is even more sad is that I am afraid I would lose him if I try any harder. Heck, I have been losing who I am for years with my attempts at conformity for him. ULK! I feel sick with this revelation! I need to get back to reading yet another book with the hopes I can vicariously live through the characters and hide from this harsh reality that has been bestowed upon me. I picked up 3 more books yesterday from the library. I finished one today, I have 2 more to go through before I can return them. Yep, that is what I need to do.... escape in the pages of a book to numb the pain of realization that I will never be pretty enough to be loved the way I need to be.
Sorry about today's flossing moment.... The release is done.... no turning back now.....
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
The enforcer, the fixer.....
I am the great cricket hunter!!
You know..... I can easily fall asleep to the sounds of nature when the bedroom window is open. It seems to be one of those soothing sounds that people can fall asleep to. Sadly, last night I crashed on the couch and had to be woken up to the sound of a lone cricket making its racket in my front hall. The sound was loud and it echoed off the walls. Yep, 5am my eyes are forced to open because of a darn bug in my foyer!! Apparently, DH can sleep through a war zone because DD and I were awake and not all that happy about it. With DD complaining in my ear that she cannot sleep, my back starts to spasm. Offering her my iPod to drown out the racket from a cricket was the only suggestion I could offer in my cranky, sleep induced haze. After getting DD back to bed, I tossed and turned on the couch in frustration from the racket and in need of getting the kink along my spine to relax. Knowing that I could not get relief from either, I walked into my foyer and found the nuisance to my restful sleep and.......
SMASHED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF IT WITH A SHOE AND SILENCE WAS RESTORED!!!
Impressed at how quickly I was able to find this darn bug in the dark while half awake.... I went back to laying down on the couch in a position that only Gumby could manage to get into and felt my back spasm ease me to the point where I could go back to sleep. Sadly, sleeping in bent angles for the sake of my back does absolutely NOTHING for my neck and shoulders, but I am feeling pretty good this morning. I can handle having a stiff neck for the day.
As I sit back and think about my little hunting adventure this morning..... I chuckled at probably the most stupid thought that came to my mind..... You see, interrupted sleep, lack of sleep, or too much sleep makes me a little silly and even a little sarcastic. In fact, I have been told I am hilarious with the random crap that I could think up and talk about..... Writing is another thing, but this morning's thought was how I have a new title to add to my list of specialties.....(I am a jack of all trades, just faster at some)... My newest one is I am like a mob enforcer or fixer. I just lack the crooked nose from being broken beyond repair and the tough-guy accent like the actors in the movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I do have the attitude, though, as I grunted in anger while smashing that little pain in my backside into oblivion and said a satisfying cuss-filled rhetorical question to the dead bug on my foyer floor when it ended. I quickly realized at my thought process was hilarious because I am the complete opposite of a thug, but it felt pretty darn good to think I was one... just for a fleeting moment. I felt like I could take on the world. I should feel sorry for the little creature, but in the mind of an enforcer/fixer to make life controlled for others.... I have no sympathy. I just have to re-mop my foyer floor of the evidence that I smashed a huge cricket with a shoe this morning, but getting that pent-up rage that was boiling under the surface over how I worked way too hard to make my weekend seem calm and serene released was the catalyst to make the start of this week a little better than planned, so I have no complaints. Now, I am off to do my wifely duties and get some housework done. Yep, things are back to normal.....
You know..... I can easily fall asleep to the sounds of nature when the bedroom window is open. It seems to be one of those soothing sounds that people can fall asleep to. Sadly, last night I crashed on the couch and had to be woken up to the sound of a lone cricket making its racket in my front hall. The sound was loud and it echoed off the walls. Yep, 5am my eyes are forced to open because of a darn bug in my foyer!! Apparently, DH can sleep through a war zone because DD and I were awake and not all that happy about it. With DD complaining in my ear that she cannot sleep, my back starts to spasm. Offering her my iPod to drown out the racket from a cricket was the only suggestion I could offer in my cranky, sleep induced haze. After getting DD back to bed, I tossed and turned on the couch in frustration from the racket and in need of getting the kink along my spine to relax. Knowing that I could not get relief from either, I walked into my foyer and found the nuisance to my restful sleep and.......
SMASHED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF IT WITH A SHOE AND SILENCE WAS RESTORED!!!
Impressed at how quickly I was able to find this darn bug in the dark while half awake.... I went back to laying down on the couch in a position that only Gumby could manage to get into and felt my back spasm ease me to the point where I could go back to sleep. Sadly, sleeping in bent angles for the sake of my back does absolutely NOTHING for my neck and shoulders, but I am feeling pretty good this morning. I can handle having a stiff neck for the day.
As I sit back and think about my little hunting adventure this morning..... I chuckled at probably the most stupid thought that came to my mind..... You see, interrupted sleep, lack of sleep, or too much sleep makes me a little silly and even a little sarcastic. In fact, I have been told I am hilarious with the random crap that I could think up and talk about..... Writing is another thing, but this morning's thought was how I have a new title to add to my list of specialties.....(I am a jack of all trades, just faster at some)... My newest one is I am like a mob enforcer or fixer. I just lack the crooked nose from being broken beyond repair and the tough-guy accent like the actors in the movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I do have the attitude, though, as I grunted in anger while smashing that little pain in my backside into oblivion and said a satisfying cuss-filled rhetorical question to the dead bug on my foyer floor when it ended. I quickly realized at my thought process was hilarious because I am the complete opposite of a thug, but it felt pretty darn good to think I was one... just for a fleeting moment. I felt like I could take on the world. I should feel sorry for the little creature, but in the mind of an enforcer/fixer to make life controlled for others.... I have no sympathy. I just have to re-mop my foyer floor of the evidence that I smashed a huge cricket with a shoe this morning, but getting that pent-up rage that was boiling under the surface over how I worked way too hard to make my weekend seem calm and serene released was the catalyst to make the start of this week a little better than planned, so I have no complaints. Now, I am off to do my wifely duties and get some housework done. Yep, things are back to normal.....
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Friends, family and life.....
Good evening! Took me a while to think about blogging. Way too much swimming around in my head. Most of it is regarding control of emotions.... I am the master of my own domain!!
Sigh. Life is full of disappointments. Not all the time, but there is a fair amount of it. I mean.... Come on!! Life was never meant to be a bowl of cherries, floating down a chocolate river, through a mystical land of rainbows and unicorns. Life is what it is and what we do with it. Not all of it is going to be happy. Some of it will be downright depressing!!
Alcohol is the elixir for brutal honesty, or so I have been told. What alcohol does to a person can vary in emotion. While there are some that can be relaxed and happy after a few drinks, there are some that can become violent and unpredictable. I have experienced it all. I recall dating a man that whenever he had a drink.... it was a total crap-shoot to what his behavior would be. He had violent tendencies if he crossed the threshold of limitations and it scared me enough to run away and never look back. It never got to the point where I was physically abused, but there was no doubt in my mind that it could easily get to that point. Alcoholism is a scary thing to see and an even scarier thing to deal with. I have seen with my own eyes, the simplicity of needing so much that when you lack it.... it can alter a persons coping abilities. I have no doubt that alcoholism exists in my family tree. While I would never have the strength to tell someone to their face that they have a drinking problem, I do have the ability to avoid the issue and make up excuses for them to lessen the reality of the problem. I know it comes from trying to understand the illness and why there is such a strong pull for people to rely upon what is in the bottle (or can or glass) instead of facing the issue face to face. While I can read a book to escape the harsh reality bestowed upon me, it is far less destructive than the impaired behavior from a beverage. My house may not be as pristine as it was this past winter, but nobody gets hurt from escaping in the pages of a book.
What manages to make things difficult is when there is no more determination to try to fix what has been broken for years. I know that people need to fins a release from the stress of a dismal economy, the stress from the demands of their job, the frustration of feeling unappreciated, and even the exhaustion of repeated failures. The challenges we face every day may seem small to others, but feel quite big to us. It is how we choose to handle these challenges that can make them big or small issues. Denial is never the answer and compromise just prolongs the outcome.
DH and I have been skirting some issues that most likely will never be fixed. Compromise and consideration is to blame. We offer excuses that explain away problems that could easily be fixed if we tried to work together. We just can't. We have the tendency to accept things as they are and remain in denial. In fact, we are very patient people that would do what needs to be done instead of ask again for help. Of course, I just get stuff done when it needs to be done because my family has stronger resolve to not do a darn thing..... no matter how much we need to get it done. But sadly, there comes a time when the ability to let things get placed upon the back burner is no longer an option and there needs to be release. That is when the time we spent swallowing down the frustration did not prepare us to communicate as well as we should and hurtful words are said. Verbal abuse is just as painful as physical. There are no bruises or marks to show, but the pain is just as immense. I should know.... I have been a recipient of verbal banter that can break the spirit of a normal person. I have become stronger from it, but I am not invincible. I find things as an outlet to control the pain I suffer and find a smile to share to the world.
Yesterday was a tough day to get my head in the game that we call life. I work in an environment that takes pride in dealing with people. Hairdressers are more than that person that cuts your hair..... we are the non-paid psychologist/therapist that cannot be submitted to insurance. We hear your problems, we share opinions, and we do our best to have you feel better about yourself before you walk out of the salon. Clients do not need to see that life affects us also and that we have issues to deal with that are quite painful. We are professionals and that is required of us to remain stable, pleasantly calm, and level-headed. If only they knew how hard it is to separate home life from work, or even separate the issues from the non-issues. We treat each person as a blank slate and never let disappointments from other people intertwine. You never hold a grudge from one client to the next... no matter how easy it can be to do that. Normally, my issues are well controlled and I am the perfect professional. It was a situation that I did not ask for the previous evening that made things hard. When I am trying to control my feelings for the sake of others.... I manage to become really quiet. As long as there is no acts of kindness sent my way (which means no hugs or offers of encouragement to talk things over), I can diffuse the situation rather quickly and move forward, but when I have been personally attacked verbally by someone that I am supposed to love and that they love me.... it is just a little harder to get control that quick. It takes me a few days to cool off.
Sadly, Friday night was a war brewing under the surface of DH. Friday nights, being his drinking night with the boys, makes it the toughest night for me. I am not sure if the usually jovial man I married is going to crack jokes or verbally slam me into a wall. Yep, DH.... everybody's pal and such a nice guy is not always as nice to me as he is towards his friends. No, he would never hit me physically, but he definitely has a very intimidating tone about him.... especially towards me. As I was told.... you really only hurt the ones you love, and I guess he must really love me with that intimidating tone he freely throws my way. Any weaker of a person would have ran years ago, but here I am..... almost 16 years with this man and I take the verbal blows like a champ. Not sure why I get them, but if this is my superhero power to take verbal emasculation for the greater good of all.... well, then I am one awesome super hero!! I really do not know what I did to deserve such an honor, if you want to call it that, but it is pushing me to a breaking point. If I could run away and never look lack, I would, but I can't. I have actually had dreams of handing over divorce papers, just to see the shocked look in his face, but I have no plans.... yet. It has been months since our last verbal tiff, and this, I guess was something that was long overdue. I have an obligation to make this marriage work.... no matter the cost because I made a promise on the day I said, "I do" almost 14 years ago. I vowed to work at this marriage, but I am getting tired. All I know is that I do love DH, but I am just not all that fond of him right now.
I am proud of my ability to control the pain yesterday for work, I managed it when I was back at home, and I even managed it quite well while I was out with friends last night. Today has been an easier day and chances are..... tomorrow will get a little better. Eventually, things will get back to normal and somewhat happy.... well more or less just comfortable and predictable. I wanted to apologize to my friends if I acted different yesterday. I am better today and I just wanted to let you know. As for my family who reads my blog (I know you do)..... PLEASE just let the desire to call and talk about this stop. I am fine, really.... I am doing good. I am just not in the mood to say much more than this and I am not really up for opinion or advise.... Consider this issue dropped and lets move forward... shall we? Thanks :)
Sigh. Life is full of disappointments. Not all the time, but there is a fair amount of it. I mean.... Come on!! Life was never meant to be a bowl of cherries, floating down a chocolate river, through a mystical land of rainbows and unicorns. Life is what it is and what we do with it. Not all of it is going to be happy. Some of it will be downright depressing!!
Alcohol is the elixir for brutal honesty, or so I have been told. What alcohol does to a person can vary in emotion. While there are some that can be relaxed and happy after a few drinks, there are some that can become violent and unpredictable. I have experienced it all. I recall dating a man that whenever he had a drink.... it was a total crap-shoot to what his behavior would be. He had violent tendencies if he crossed the threshold of limitations and it scared me enough to run away and never look back. It never got to the point where I was physically abused, but there was no doubt in my mind that it could easily get to that point. Alcoholism is a scary thing to see and an even scarier thing to deal with. I have seen with my own eyes, the simplicity of needing so much that when you lack it.... it can alter a persons coping abilities. I have no doubt that alcoholism exists in my family tree. While I would never have the strength to tell someone to their face that they have a drinking problem, I do have the ability to avoid the issue and make up excuses for them to lessen the reality of the problem. I know it comes from trying to understand the illness and why there is such a strong pull for people to rely upon what is in the bottle (or can or glass) instead of facing the issue face to face. While I can read a book to escape the harsh reality bestowed upon me, it is far less destructive than the impaired behavior from a beverage. My house may not be as pristine as it was this past winter, but nobody gets hurt from escaping in the pages of a book.
What manages to make things difficult is when there is no more determination to try to fix what has been broken for years. I know that people need to fins a release from the stress of a dismal economy, the stress from the demands of their job, the frustration of feeling unappreciated, and even the exhaustion of repeated failures. The challenges we face every day may seem small to others, but feel quite big to us. It is how we choose to handle these challenges that can make them big or small issues. Denial is never the answer and compromise just prolongs the outcome.
DH and I have been skirting some issues that most likely will never be fixed. Compromise and consideration is to blame. We offer excuses that explain away problems that could easily be fixed if we tried to work together. We just can't. We have the tendency to accept things as they are and remain in denial. In fact, we are very patient people that would do what needs to be done instead of ask again for help. Of course, I just get stuff done when it needs to be done because my family has stronger resolve to not do a darn thing..... no matter how much we need to get it done. But sadly, there comes a time when the ability to let things get placed upon the back burner is no longer an option and there needs to be release. That is when the time we spent swallowing down the frustration did not prepare us to communicate as well as we should and hurtful words are said. Verbal abuse is just as painful as physical. There are no bruises or marks to show, but the pain is just as immense. I should know.... I have been a recipient of verbal banter that can break the spirit of a normal person. I have become stronger from it, but I am not invincible. I find things as an outlet to control the pain I suffer and find a smile to share to the world.
Yesterday was a tough day to get my head in the game that we call life. I work in an environment that takes pride in dealing with people. Hairdressers are more than that person that cuts your hair..... we are the non-paid psychologist/therapist that cannot be submitted to insurance. We hear your problems, we share opinions, and we do our best to have you feel better about yourself before you walk out of the salon. Clients do not need to see that life affects us also and that we have issues to deal with that are quite painful. We are professionals and that is required of us to remain stable, pleasantly calm, and level-headed. If only they knew how hard it is to separate home life from work, or even separate the issues from the non-issues. We treat each person as a blank slate and never let disappointments from other people intertwine. You never hold a grudge from one client to the next... no matter how easy it can be to do that. Normally, my issues are well controlled and I am the perfect professional. It was a situation that I did not ask for the previous evening that made things hard. When I am trying to control my feelings for the sake of others.... I manage to become really quiet. As long as there is no acts of kindness sent my way (which means no hugs or offers of encouragement to talk things over), I can diffuse the situation rather quickly and move forward, but when I have been personally attacked verbally by someone that I am supposed to love and that they love me.... it is just a little harder to get control that quick. It takes me a few days to cool off.
Sadly, Friday night was a war brewing under the surface of DH. Friday nights, being his drinking night with the boys, makes it the toughest night for me. I am not sure if the usually jovial man I married is going to crack jokes or verbally slam me into a wall. Yep, DH.... everybody's pal and such a nice guy is not always as nice to me as he is towards his friends. No, he would never hit me physically, but he definitely has a very intimidating tone about him.... especially towards me. As I was told.... you really only hurt the ones you love, and I guess he must really love me with that intimidating tone he freely throws my way. Any weaker of a person would have ran years ago, but here I am..... almost 16 years with this man and I take the verbal blows like a champ. Not sure why I get them, but if this is my superhero power to take verbal emasculation for the greater good of all.... well, then I am one awesome super hero!! I really do not know what I did to deserve such an honor, if you want to call it that, but it is pushing me to a breaking point. If I could run away and never look lack, I would, but I can't. I have actually had dreams of handing over divorce papers, just to see the shocked look in his face, but I have no plans.... yet. It has been months since our last verbal tiff, and this, I guess was something that was long overdue. I have an obligation to make this marriage work.... no matter the cost because I made a promise on the day I said, "I do" almost 14 years ago. I vowed to work at this marriage, but I am getting tired. All I know is that I do love DH, but I am just not all that fond of him right now.
I am proud of my ability to control the pain yesterday for work, I managed it when I was back at home, and I even managed it quite well while I was out with friends last night. Today has been an easier day and chances are..... tomorrow will get a little better. Eventually, things will get back to normal and somewhat happy.... well more or less just comfortable and predictable. I wanted to apologize to my friends if I acted different yesterday. I am better today and I just wanted to let you know. As for my family who reads my blog (I know you do)..... PLEASE just let the desire to call and talk about this stop. I am fine, really.... I am doing good. I am just not in the mood to say much more than this and I am not really up for opinion or advise.... Consider this issue dropped and lets move forward... shall we? Thanks :)
Friday, July 27, 2012
Unhinged?
Ever read a story with the expectation of it being an escape, but later find out it made you think? I just finished one last night/early this morning. While I could have probably had it done earlier, I took a break to spend some time with an old friend that is in town to visit, so sue me that I decided to finish reading this book later than planned and that I want to share my thoughts on this book in today's blog......
The book is called "Crazy For You", by Jennifer Crusie. When I found it at the library a a little over a few days ago, I was already rereading something from my Kindle and made this book wait its turn. It is a different author than Janet Evanovich and her Stephanie Plum series, her "Full" series, her Barney Barnaby series and her dozen or so romance novels (of all I have managed to read this summer). I have tried to find something that was an entertaining read that happened to be a "stand alone book"... you know.... not a series. One book called "Beautiful Sacrifice" was so boring and filled with descriptive phrases about Myan/Aztec history, I actually screamed at the book while I read it out of frustration. It reminded me of the writing styles of Dan Brown and "The Lost Symbol". Fortunately, this book was not as long and drawn out.... It only took me 2 days to read it instead of the 3 weeks the Dan Brown took me last year.
Well, when it came to this "Crazy For You" book, I was fortunate enough to at least look up the reviews before considering this author as a possible new choice for the summer. Her reviews were high and the raving over this book looked promising that I would not have a repeat performance of what I coined, "my Myan misery novel". With high hopes for some laughs (as it was stated in the reviews), I barely got one. The start of the book lacked the fluidity of authors past; there were too many characters with lacking introductions; there was a total lack of any foundation of a story, that is, until I was a little over half way through the book. Then.... things got interesting. Not to offer a spoiler to those interested in reading this book, I decided to offer the best and briefest synopsis from my feelings.....
A 30-something woman in a small town in Ohio has the "perfect" life. Just an average girl with a good job, an overly nice boyfriend, and the knack of being a person that always accepts compromise. In fact, her life is so predictable it bores her to the brink of insanity. She is not one to ask for anything for herself, but she also lacks adventure or as she mentions in the book..... zing. All it takes is for her to fall in love with a stray dog that she decides to keep against the wishes of her boyfriend that the whole town loves to make some drastic changes in her life in search of something different and exciting. She breaks up with her boyfriend, moves out, and shares her quest for the "more" she so desperately feels she needs. While she is considered "the rational one" by everyone she knows, the rationality takes a turn in all the lives that surround her. Her best friend makes a spectacle of herself to get more attention from her loving husband, her mother kicks out her husband and moves in her lesbian lover that she has kept a secret for over 20 years, and the main character pursues her sister's ex-husband that has had feelings for her for over 20 years, but did nothing after the divorce, and...... her recently ex-boyfriend becomes delusional and unhinged over the breakup (of which he believes is only temporary insanity on her behalf). Her life becomes more than she bargained for when her ex stalks her and becomes violent when she just refuses to hear what he has to say. Of course, there are some other characters that intertwine in the story like the sexy bank employee that sets her sights on only married men, a bitter hair salon owner jaded by her ex-husband's advances to get her back after he is dumped by the home-wrecking bank employee, and the short-sighted young new Principal at the school that happens to do the wrong thing. Way too much drama for such a small town, but this author manages to pull it together at the end well.
I guess what managed to get me to think is how one idea of seeking more out of life can create such an upheaval of emotions and actions. The insight of the unhinged mind of the ex-boyfriend and his actions going from innocent to downright scary. It made me think about the stalker ex-boyfriend from my past. Fortunately, he never turned violent. He just followed me for years after we broke up to watch what I was doing. When I finally figured it out and confronted him.... the stalking stopped. It is the thought after reading this book that there is always potential for someone to have a hard time with change and take things to a scary level. Thus, making the title so relevant to the story line. While I thought of it as a cute little notion of someone being smitten, I never thought it would highlight a much darker and sinister meaning. Definitely, an eye opener for me when I read the book. I have no complaints about the book and will probably get something else from this author today when the library opens since I am out of books to read. It is a nice little shift of genre from the romance novels that I have been reading and could possibly be where I need to go so I can smoothly reduce my need to have my nose planted in a book from morning until night. This reading jag has gotten out of control this summer. Time to transition into something different before I totally kill my love of reading. Maybe I can start making jewelry again or pick up my paintbrush or find some other thing to keep my mind busy and avoid trying to change my life too much. As a character in the book explains (not in the exact words... just parts put together from the book) the journey that I have trying to take in mine with DH (without moving out on my family, of course).... "Women like to feel the man that they are with actually sees them as different and special. When they are not looked upon or attended to as being the most special gift in their men's life like when the relationship started.... they feel as if they are taken for granted and not seen as the vital need anymore. Think about it.... What was your wife wearing today? If you cannot remember... then complacency has taken over and the spark of vitality in the relationship has disappeared. When a woman tries to get you to notice her, it is a sign that they feel under-appreciated. What they want is for the man to want to do things without being told to do so. It is not wanting to ask for it, but be offered freely because they want to is what matters most. Just shaking things up a little to stop the complacency and predictability is what we need when the relationship feels stale so the years ahead won't feel so dull." Well, that about sums it up for today....
Have a great day everyone!!
The book is called "Crazy For You", by Jennifer Crusie. When I found it at the library a a little over a few days ago, I was already rereading something from my Kindle and made this book wait its turn. It is a different author than Janet Evanovich and her Stephanie Plum series, her "Full" series, her Barney Barnaby series and her dozen or so romance novels (of all I have managed to read this summer). I have tried to find something that was an entertaining read that happened to be a "stand alone book"... you know.... not a series. One book called "Beautiful Sacrifice" was so boring and filled with descriptive phrases about Myan/Aztec history, I actually screamed at the book while I read it out of frustration. It reminded me of the writing styles of Dan Brown and "The Lost Symbol". Fortunately, this book was not as long and drawn out.... It only took me 2 days to read it instead of the 3 weeks the Dan Brown took me last year.
Well, when it came to this "Crazy For You" book, I was fortunate enough to at least look up the reviews before considering this author as a possible new choice for the summer. Her reviews were high and the raving over this book looked promising that I would not have a repeat performance of what I coined, "my Myan misery novel". With high hopes for some laughs (as it was stated in the reviews), I barely got one. The start of the book lacked the fluidity of authors past; there were too many characters with lacking introductions; there was a total lack of any foundation of a story, that is, until I was a little over half way through the book. Then.... things got interesting. Not to offer a spoiler to those interested in reading this book, I decided to offer the best and briefest synopsis from my feelings.....
A 30-something woman in a small town in Ohio has the "perfect" life. Just an average girl with a good job, an overly nice boyfriend, and the knack of being a person that always accepts compromise. In fact, her life is so predictable it bores her to the brink of insanity. She is not one to ask for anything for herself, but she also lacks adventure or as she mentions in the book..... zing. All it takes is for her to fall in love with a stray dog that she decides to keep against the wishes of her boyfriend that the whole town loves to make some drastic changes in her life in search of something different and exciting. She breaks up with her boyfriend, moves out, and shares her quest for the "more" she so desperately feels she needs. While she is considered "the rational one" by everyone she knows, the rationality takes a turn in all the lives that surround her. Her best friend makes a spectacle of herself to get more attention from her loving husband, her mother kicks out her husband and moves in her lesbian lover that she has kept a secret for over 20 years, and the main character pursues her sister's ex-husband that has had feelings for her for over 20 years, but did nothing after the divorce, and...... her recently ex-boyfriend becomes delusional and unhinged over the breakup (of which he believes is only temporary insanity on her behalf). Her life becomes more than she bargained for when her ex stalks her and becomes violent when she just refuses to hear what he has to say. Of course, there are some other characters that intertwine in the story like the sexy bank employee that sets her sights on only married men, a bitter hair salon owner jaded by her ex-husband's advances to get her back after he is dumped by the home-wrecking bank employee, and the short-sighted young new Principal at the school that happens to do the wrong thing. Way too much drama for such a small town, but this author manages to pull it together at the end well.
I guess what managed to get me to think is how one idea of seeking more out of life can create such an upheaval of emotions and actions. The insight of the unhinged mind of the ex-boyfriend and his actions going from innocent to downright scary. It made me think about the stalker ex-boyfriend from my past. Fortunately, he never turned violent. He just followed me for years after we broke up to watch what I was doing. When I finally figured it out and confronted him.... the stalking stopped. It is the thought after reading this book that there is always potential for someone to have a hard time with change and take things to a scary level. Thus, making the title so relevant to the story line. While I thought of it as a cute little notion of someone being smitten, I never thought it would highlight a much darker and sinister meaning. Definitely, an eye opener for me when I read the book. I have no complaints about the book and will probably get something else from this author today when the library opens since I am out of books to read. It is a nice little shift of genre from the romance novels that I have been reading and could possibly be where I need to go so I can smoothly reduce my need to have my nose planted in a book from morning until night. This reading jag has gotten out of control this summer. Time to transition into something different before I totally kill my love of reading. Maybe I can start making jewelry again or pick up my paintbrush or find some other thing to keep my mind busy and avoid trying to change my life too much. As a character in the book explains (not in the exact words... just parts put together from the book) the journey that I have trying to take in mine with DH (without moving out on my family, of course).... "Women like to feel the man that they are with actually sees them as different and special. When they are not looked upon or attended to as being the most special gift in their men's life like when the relationship started.... they feel as if they are taken for granted and not seen as the vital need anymore. Think about it.... What was your wife wearing today? If you cannot remember... then complacency has taken over and the spark of vitality in the relationship has disappeared. When a woman tries to get you to notice her, it is a sign that they feel under-appreciated. What they want is for the man to want to do things without being told to do so. It is not wanting to ask for it, but be offered freely because they want to is what matters most. Just shaking things up a little to stop the complacency and predictability is what we need when the relationship feels stale so the years ahead won't feel so dull." Well, that about sums it up for today....
Have a great day everyone!!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Turning the tables.....
Good afternoon! I know that this is going to be an afternoon blog by the fact that I am trying to type without the aid of my glasses. So, if you see a fair number of typo's you understand why.....
So lets get this started, shall we?
Ever wonder what would happen if you turned the tables on someone? If you are not familiar with the phrase turning the tables, well, let me give you a refresher.... Turning the tables is a way of acting in a way that is not expected towards someone. Example: If you happen to drive by a construction site and hear the whistles and wolf-calls from the workers having apparently too much time on their hands, you would understand how uncomfortable it is. Not that I would complain of getting a little attention here and there, but when it is not wanted..... well, it beings on an unsettling feeling that you are looked upon as a piece of meat to a hungry lion. Now, what would you think would happen if you did the pursuing act of flirting?
I was a little curious what would happen.... Well, today happened to have the opportunity to present itself and here are my findings.....
I was driving down the road, on the way to the chiropractor. I had a spasm that decided to hit at the right time of the day and not in the wee hours of the morning or in the middle of the night. Perfect, I say, because it was on a morning that I knew that my chiropractor buddy was going to be in the office and can work on the issue right away. The threat of allowing myself to pop a couple of Advil and melt an ice pack on the affected area to ease the pain usually ends up with me not facing the issue the right way and end up building up the issue to the point that I get carted off to the hospital in an ambulance and become drugged up on enough pain killers/muscle relaxers to kill a horse. Been there, done that, and I really do not want to go through that ever again... thank you... Well, as I was driving down the road, there is roughly 3 miles of road construction going on and the road is narrowed down to one lane of traffic each way. I still do not get the idea that cutting out chunks of road to refill it is a solid solution to proper road maintenance, but hey, who am I to judge, right? Some things are better left unexplained in my book. Okay, back to the subject at hand.... As I was stopped in traffic, I had a clear shot at looking at some workers toiling away in their little cut sections of the road and were drilling to put reinforcement bars in to connect the old with the new. My only guess is to avoid the new pieces from shifting or heaving after the next cold to warm weather snap hits and ruins all their "hard work" fixing the road. With a clear view of a worker's behind facing me, I watched what they were doing. I am such a learning whore, you know (ha ha ha). Well, as I watch these workers do their job, one of the workers managed to look over his shoulder and look straight at me. I will admit it.... he was really cute. Hey! I may be married, but I am not dead! I can at least look since I cannot touch, right? Well, as this guy is looking right at me, I figured I would take the "high road" when it came to flirting just for fun.... I lowered my sunglasses and smiled at him. I did not need to say anything... I just smiled at him.
Well, let me tell you this..... I never in my life have I ever seen a man blush like that! I did not think I had it in me to be that enchanting to make anyone blush (except for DD, of course). It actually felt good to see someone get a little uncomfortable from such an innocent act. By the time this guy could say or do anything, I popped my sunglasses back up and moved forward with the traffic. I doubt I would ever see this person again, but I can at least admit it was fun for me to let loose just a little and have some fun. Life gets too serious and it is a necessary thing to have a little fun. Even if it was at the expense of another. Well, chances are.... it just boosted his ego to insurmountable heights, but it actually kind of boosted my confidence level just a little by seeing that I can still flirt with class and actually see it appreciated by someone other than DH who is immune to my charms. Of course, I giggled all the way to the chiropractor's office and giggled all the way home, too.
Well, that was my fun little adventure for the day.... Now back to my usual routine of housework with my nose planted in a book. Have an enjoyable day everyone!! And thanks for reading....
So lets get this started, shall we?
Ever wonder what would happen if you turned the tables on someone? If you are not familiar with the phrase turning the tables, well, let me give you a refresher.... Turning the tables is a way of acting in a way that is not expected towards someone. Example: If you happen to drive by a construction site and hear the whistles and wolf-calls from the workers having apparently too much time on their hands, you would understand how uncomfortable it is. Not that I would complain of getting a little attention here and there, but when it is not wanted..... well, it beings on an unsettling feeling that you are looked upon as a piece of meat to a hungry lion. Now, what would you think would happen if you did the pursuing act of flirting?
I was a little curious what would happen.... Well, today happened to have the opportunity to present itself and here are my findings.....
I was driving down the road, on the way to the chiropractor. I had a spasm that decided to hit at the right time of the day and not in the wee hours of the morning or in the middle of the night. Perfect, I say, because it was on a morning that I knew that my chiropractor buddy was going to be in the office and can work on the issue right away. The threat of allowing myself to pop a couple of Advil and melt an ice pack on the affected area to ease the pain usually ends up with me not facing the issue the right way and end up building up the issue to the point that I get carted off to the hospital in an ambulance and become drugged up on enough pain killers/muscle relaxers to kill a horse. Been there, done that, and I really do not want to go through that ever again... thank you... Well, as I was driving down the road, there is roughly 3 miles of road construction going on and the road is narrowed down to one lane of traffic each way. I still do not get the idea that cutting out chunks of road to refill it is a solid solution to proper road maintenance, but hey, who am I to judge, right? Some things are better left unexplained in my book. Okay, back to the subject at hand.... As I was stopped in traffic, I had a clear shot at looking at some workers toiling away in their little cut sections of the road and were drilling to put reinforcement bars in to connect the old with the new. My only guess is to avoid the new pieces from shifting or heaving after the next cold to warm weather snap hits and ruins all their "hard work" fixing the road. With a clear view of a worker's behind facing me, I watched what they were doing. I am such a learning whore, you know (ha ha ha). Well, as I watch these workers do their job, one of the workers managed to look over his shoulder and look straight at me. I will admit it.... he was really cute. Hey! I may be married, but I am not dead! I can at least look since I cannot touch, right? Well, as this guy is looking right at me, I figured I would take the "high road" when it came to flirting just for fun.... I lowered my sunglasses and smiled at him. I did not need to say anything... I just smiled at him.
Well, let me tell you this..... I never in my life have I ever seen a man blush like that! I did not think I had it in me to be that enchanting to make anyone blush (except for DD, of course). It actually felt good to see someone get a little uncomfortable from such an innocent act. By the time this guy could say or do anything, I popped my sunglasses back up and moved forward with the traffic. I doubt I would ever see this person again, but I can at least admit it was fun for me to let loose just a little and have some fun. Life gets too serious and it is a necessary thing to have a little fun. Even if it was at the expense of another. Well, chances are.... it just boosted his ego to insurmountable heights, but it actually kind of boosted my confidence level just a little by seeing that I can still flirt with class and actually see it appreciated by someone other than DH who is immune to my charms. Of course, I giggled all the way to the chiropractor's office and giggled all the way home, too.
Well, that was my fun little adventure for the day.... Now back to my usual routine of housework with my nose planted in a book. Have an enjoyable day everyone!! And thanks for reading....
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Oh we are not so different.....
DH had a doctor's visit not too long ago. Well, there were 2 visits in a week to the same doctor. It was time for more blood work to be done, so one visit consisted of getting poked with a needle and the other was a visit to get the results. Gotta just love the system of how just stepping into a doctor's office consists of a co-pay requirement. Yep, the land of healthcare has its finger on the pulse of pushing the struggling down yet another peg towards having any concept of a savings account for the future.
Needless to say.... I already knew that DH was going to be put on cholesterol medications. It was just a matter of time. With his poor eating habits that center upon butter being a staple of his diet, I would have figured that this should have been done sooner than later. Oh well, what can I say? I am just a clueless wife in my husband's eyes, right? I have tried to change his eating habits for years (along with mine) and got burnt out with how our budget dictates what we can afford to eat. I have to thank my new overindulgence of reading that I have not gone off the deep end when it comes to food. When I am wrapped up in a good book... I barely eat. Sadly, starving through reading does not create a skinny person, but at least when it comes to food..... I am the cheapest one to feed in this house!
As DH tells me about his last visit with the doctor, he is holding nothing back when it came to his feelings about how the doctor has zero compassion for his patients. The criticism this doctor doles out about his weight, his cholesterol number, and anything else that he can muster up definitely slammed DH's feelings about himself. Sadly, when DH is not happy..... NOBODY IS HAPPY in our house. Well, DH decided to lay the burden of his feelings on my shoulders. As I have tried for years to get him to open up about his feelings.... I was not asking for this level of emotional baggage all at once. Apparently, men lack the ability to ease people into their level of emotions. Heck, I think I will need yet a second set of chiropractic appointments just to handle how his release of emotional frustration compressed my spine even more. Oh well, beggars cannot be choosers, right?
So, with DH all ready, willing and able to share his feelings.... I was exposed to whining that made me look like I am the stronger one in this family. The constant complaining about how the doctor is dissatisfied with DH's recent weight gain and how his cholesterol has been climbing was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back and released the floodgates of hell for me. I did find it funny that what DH whined about when it came to diet and weight loss..... I saw the similarity that women have when it comes to complaining about their weight loss journey to their spouses. Sadly, I am the one biting the bullet and listening to the constant nagging over how miserable DH is when it comes to eating in moderation. DH whined about how hard it is to lose 11 pounds over the past 2 weeks and how his attempts will never be good enough for his doctor's expectations. REALLY?!?!?!? You are worried about someone else's expectations???? Oh honey, you are preaching to the choir, here! I have been struggling to meet your expectations for years and always seem to fall short! The moment I decided to man-up and stop being such a girl, he decides to hit me with his sensitive side. Sadly, his sensitive side has zero focus on me, of course.... Yep, he is looking for a pity party from me and I just cannot give it to him....
"Well, dear," I say in the nicest tone possible, "I understand your dilemma and believe me... it is no walk in the park to lose weight and get your cholesterol in check by diet alone."
His reply was more like a quest for an answer to solve the issue at hand without changing his habits... "I just cannot see myself giving up my cheese and butter and my beer to make this person happy. I quit smoking, I take walks every night (just around the block, so you know), and I stopped going for second servings when it comes to eat. What does this whack-job, crack-pot doctor want me to do?"
I tired to stifle my sigh of resignation to his plight because I already know that no matter what I say will not mean a hill of beans anyway and figured since he never listens to me anyway..... it will not hurt to be completely candid with my answer..... "Only you can change your picky ways and do what is necessary to change your eating habits. I have tried for far too long and it is your turn to take the bull by the horns and do something about it. Our budget dictates what we can buy to eat, but it is your junk-food love that dictates what is bought. You need to go from no vegetables in your diet to eating vegetables consistently, fruit is actually good for you, but you are not the first in line to eat that stuff. You make a face when I offer you a yogurt as a snack, and if you really knew what serving size is, you would beg to be put down like "Old Yeller". Oh, and by the way, your parent's gift of bratwurst is not screaming healthy food choice, either, for fixing your car. While moderation is key, you have to realize that the choices you prefer to have exceed the daily fat, sodium, and calorie count a person should have a day when you eat more than one. You wondered why I choose ground chicken or ground turkey to make your God forsaken tacos.... well honey, that is so they can appear just a little healthier than eating the cheapest ground beef there is and that I could breathe a little easier that you can be somewhere closer to the park of eating healthier. I do care, but I am running out of ideas to help you if you are not willing to try. The ball is in your court.... you need to up yourself somewhere..... Grow up or man-up, the choice is yours. I am not your mother and I am not your doctor."
You know... with this new attitude of not getting so involved with feelings, I am starting to wonder when it is going to work in my favor because I am still getting frustrated. Either I am letting it bother me or DH found a loophole in my plan, but things have got to change. Oh well, time to get this day going. I wonder what DH has in mind for what he wants to eat for the week. I know that it won't include fruit, vegetables, yogurt or fish. Sigh, just let it go, Nance, just let it go..... Have a good one everybody!
Needless to say.... I already knew that DH was going to be put on cholesterol medications. It was just a matter of time. With his poor eating habits that center upon butter being a staple of his diet, I would have figured that this should have been done sooner than later. Oh well, what can I say? I am just a clueless wife in my husband's eyes, right? I have tried to change his eating habits for years (along with mine) and got burnt out with how our budget dictates what we can afford to eat. I have to thank my new overindulgence of reading that I have not gone off the deep end when it comes to food. When I am wrapped up in a good book... I barely eat. Sadly, starving through reading does not create a skinny person, but at least when it comes to food..... I am the cheapest one to feed in this house!
As DH tells me about his last visit with the doctor, he is holding nothing back when it came to his feelings about how the doctor has zero compassion for his patients. The criticism this doctor doles out about his weight, his cholesterol number, and anything else that he can muster up definitely slammed DH's feelings about himself. Sadly, when DH is not happy..... NOBODY IS HAPPY in our house. Well, DH decided to lay the burden of his feelings on my shoulders. As I have tried for years to get him to open up about his feelings.... I was not asking for this level of emotional baggage all at once. Apparently, men lack the ability to ease people into their level of emotions. Heck, I think I will need yet a second set of chiropractic appointments just to handle how his release of emotional frustration compressed my spine even more. Oh well, beggars cannot be choosers, right?
So, with DH all ready, willing and able to share his feelings.... I was exposed to whining that made me look like I am the stronger one in this family. The constant complaining about how the doctor is dissatisfied with DH's recent weight gain and how his cholesterol has been climbing was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back and released the floodgates of hell for me. I did find it funny that what DH whined about when it came to diet and weight loss..... I saw the similarity that women have when it comes to complaining about their weight loss journey to their spouses. Sadly, I am the one biting the bullet and listening to the constant nagging over how miserable DH is when it comes to eating in moderation. DH whined about how hard it is to lose 11 pounds over the past 2 weeks and how his attempts will never be good enough for his doctor's expectations. REALLY?!?!?!? You are worried about someone else's expectations???? Oh honey, you are preaching to the choir, here! I have been struggling to meet your expectations for years and always seem to fall short! The moment I decided to man-up and stop being such a girl, he decides to hit me with his sensitive side. Sadly, his sensitive side has zero focus on me, of course.... Yep, he is looking for a pity party from me and I just cannot give it to him....
"Well, dear," I say in the nicest tone possible, "I understand your dilemma and believe me... it is no walk in the park to lose weight and get your cholesterol in check by diet alone."
His reply was more like a quest for an answer to solve the issue at hand without changing his habits... "I just cannot see myself giving up my cheese and butter and my beer to make this person happy. I quit smoking, I take walks every night (just around the block, so you know), and I stopped going for second servings when it comes to eat. What does this whack-job, crack-pot doctor want me to do?"
I tired to stifle my sigh of resignation to his plight because I already know that no matter what I say will not mean a hill of beans anyway and figured since he never listens to me anyway..... it will not hurt to be completely candid with my answer..... "Only you can change your picky ways and do what is necessary to change your eating habits. I have tried for far too long and it is your turn to take the bull by the horns and do something about it. Our budget dictates what we can buy to eat, but it is your junk-food love that dictates what is bought. You need to go from no vegetables in your diet to eating vegetables consistently, fruit is actually good for you, but you are not the first in line to eat that stuff. You make a face when I offer you a yogurt as a snack, and if you really knew what serving size is, you would beg to be put down like "Old Yeller". Oh, and by the way, your parent's gift of bratwurst is not screaming healthy food choice, either, for fixing your car. While moderation is key, you have to realize that the choices you prefer to have exceed the daily fat, sodium, and calorie count a person should have a day when you eat more than one. You wondered why I choose ground chicken or ground turkey to make your God forsaken tacos.... well honey, that is so they can appear just a little healthier than eating the cheapest ground beef there is and that I could breathe a little easier that you can be somewhere closer to the park of eating healthier. I do care, but I am running out of ideas to help you if you are not willing to try. The ball is in your court.... you need to up yourself somewhere..... Grow up or man-up, the choice is yours. I am not your mother and I am not your doctor."
You know... with this new attitude of not getting so involved with feelings, I am starting to wonder when it is going to work in my favor because I am still getting frustrated. Either I am letting it bother me or DH found a loophole in my plan, but things have got to change. Oh well, time to get this day going. I wonder what DH has in mind for what he wants to eat for the week. I know that it won't include fruit, vegetables, yogurt or fish. Sigh, just let it go, Nance, just let it go..... Have a good one everybody!
Friday, July 20, 2012
I've got your number, kiddo......
Okay, late blog, but figured I should get it out of my system before heading off to bed. Yep, it is after 11pm on a Friday night and here I am..... at home with at least something to read. Sadly, it is rereading a book I already read because I did not go to the library when I wanted to! Yep, my Friday nights usually consist of waiting for DH to come home after his "weekly decompression" session, which consists of beer with the boys, but tonight I had to wait up for yet another person to come home..... DD. Yep, DD went to a tween pool party at the local park district with a friend. I was aware that this pool party was going to be coming around some time this summer, but did not pay all that much attention as to when this shindig was to happen. I get a last minute asking for this thing and figured that she should not be trapped in the house all summer and agreed to let her go. In fact, I was looking forward to some quiet time anyway. I got a some piece and quiet until the 10:00 news and I was going to enjoy it. Her boredom consists of talking way too much to fill the dim of the day.
Well, DD happens to own a swimsuit. I bought her only one this summer because she really does not need more than one. Well, the frugality of DH really only allows the barest of necessities and having more than one swimsuit was considered being extravagant and wasteful of money that is needed elsewhere. If DH can keep such a tight grip on the family finances.... well, I can be just as stingy. Leaves little room for argument in my eyes, and when it comes to avoiding confrontation..... I am all for it.
As the day slipped through our fingers with other things to do, DD asks if I would take her shopping for a new swimsuit. "Really, DD, the swimsuit you have is just fine to wear to this pool party. Why do you need another one?" I ask. "Well, Mom", she says with a sigh, "I am tired of wearing a one-piece swimsuit and really want to have a bikini." I already knew that she is hitting that pivotal age where boys are getting interesting, to say the least. I was her age once and I can remember the desire to dress a certain way to get the attention of a boy I liked. I can only guess that rumor has spread that this particular boy was going to this pool party and she wanted to snag his attention. I looked at my darling daughter and said, "What is his name?" The look on her face was priceless. Like a deer being dazed by the glare of headlights. To break the silence that she finally managed to create after a full day of talking my ears off, I proceeded to trudge forward. "The boy", I said a little louder, "what is is name?"
"Oh, Mom", she says with a stunned tone, "there is no boy. I just want to wear a bikini to this pool party. Why would you think that?" "Oh sweetie, I was your age once", I said with cynicism dripping from my voice, "I am fully aware that this day would come and I am so prepared for this. You may think you can pull one over on your father, but this mama was not raised a fool. I know better. I was you age once." You see, I am a very protective parent. I have been to the local pools and I have seen how the kids act. It reminds me of when I was her age and how boys and girls that used to think the opposite sex was 'yucky' and 'gross' suddenly start becoming interested in one another. Usually, girls notice it first since it is well known that girls mature faster than boys. Heck, I have proof! DH is nearing the big 5-0 and still acts like a child. There are days where I think I have become his mother with all that I do for him. Apparently, I was told by a friend that I probably managed to have his man card revoked with all that I do, but if he had an inkling at how impatient I have become over the years.... he would step up his game and get his man card back!
Well, I knew that DD was going to ask why I always get her one-piece swimsuits eventually, and today was the day..... You see, back in my day, things were a little more innocent. There were no daily news reports of crimes against children, and there were no stories of sexual predators. Chances are, there were probably stories back then, but I never heard as many reports back then as I do now. I knew that I was going to go into mama bear mode the day I became a mother. I have been vigilant in protecting DD from the dangers. I signed her up for martial arts lessons so she can learn how to defend herself because I know that I am not meant to be on this planet forever, nor am I going to be hanging over her shoulder all the time, so getting her to be street-smart and self-reliant was high on the list of what she needed to learn. I was never coddled as a child and I learned a lot the hard way. I figured that if she understood my determination to keep her safe, she would be less of a defiant daughter.
So as I explained to her the reasons why I am not a fan of bikinis.... They are too revealing and leave virtually nothing to the public's imagination, they are not as durable when diving/jumping into the pool, and really..... who thinks it is such a great idea to swim in something that has the same material level as underwear? Okay, call me "old fashioned", but I am not really in the mood for smacking some little pervert if he tries to get fresh with my child. Believe me, I would be the first in line to defend my daughter's virtue, but if I did not have to.... well, that is less aggravation on my part. DH might be quick, but I am quicker.
I know that hormones are to blame. The interest in makeup, the interest in wearing a bikini, the interest in how to dress to impress.... it all has a reason. Her fascination with high heels may have been cute when she was 4, but now it makes me cringe at how grown up she is becoming. Maybe I am not ready for her to be so grown up, maybe I am not in the mood to becoming the worrisome parent when my child is old enough to go out on a date just yet, and maybe I still have a trust issue when it comes to her. She has done some lying in the past, she even kept important information from me, and she definitely has broken the rules when it came to her personal safety a couple of times. Fortunately, the risks have be very low, but I do not want to see the risk get any higher. I understand that defiance is a rite of passage and keeping secrets is her way of protecting herself from waking mama bear from her slumber (I may seem nice on the outside, but poke this bear and there will be destruction in my wake. It is a guarantee.) While I hope that she has enough street-smarts about her, I know that the boundaries will be tested. She has her father's tendencies and her mother's tenacity.... Looks like me, but acts like her father. The stories I have heard about her father's escapades as a child is a concern for me. She may not follow his footsteps exactly, but he was pretty sneaky, snarky, and creative in his escapades. I am just a little more quick witted and aware.
Needless to say, I still did not get an answer, but this mama bear is going to remain on high alert. She has no clue how smart and resourceful I can be. Her friends see it and fear me for it, but they trust me enough to tell me the truth. That is all that I can hope for right now.....
Well, DD happens to own a swimsuit. I bought her only one this summer because she really does not need more than one. Well, the frugality of DH really only allows the barest of necessities and having more than one swimsuit was considered being extravagant and wasteful of money that is needed elsewhere. If DH can keep such a tight grip on the family finances.... well, I can be just as stingy. Leaves little room for argument in my eyes, and when it comes to avoiding confrontation..... I am all for it.
As the day slipped through our fingers with other things to do, DD asks if I would take her shopping for a new swimsuit. "Really, DD, the swimsuit you have is just fine to wear to this pool party. Why do you need another one?" I ask. "Well, Mom", she says with a sigh, "I am tired of wearing a one-piece swimsuit and really want to have a bikini." I already knew that she is hitting that pivotal age where boys are getting interesting, to say the least. I was her age once and I can remember the desire to dress a certain way to get the attention of a boy I liked. I can only guess that rumor has spread that this particular boy was going to this pool party and she wanted to snag his attention. I looked at my darling daughter and said, "What is his name?" The look on her face was priceless. Like a deer being dazed by the glare of headlights. To break the silence that she finally managed to create after a full day of talking my ears off, I proceeded to trudge forward. "The boy", I said a little louder, "what is is name?"
"Oh, Mom", she says with a stunned tone, "there is no boy. I just want to wear a bikini to this pool party. Why would you think that?" "Oh sweetie, I was your age once", I said with cynicism dripping from my voice, "I am fully aware that this day would come and I am so prepared for this. You may think you can pull one over on your father, but this mama was not raised a fool. I know better. I was you age once." You see, I am a very protective parent. I have been to the local pools and I have seen how the kids act. It reminds me of when I was her age and how boys and girls that used to think the opposite sex was 'yucky' and 'gross' suddenly start becoming interested in one another. Usually, girls notice it first since it is well known that girls mature faster than boys. Heck, I have proof! DH is nearing the big 5-0 and still acts like a child. There are days where I think I have become his mother with all that I do for him. Apparently, I was told by a friend that I probably managed to have his man card revoked with all that I do, but if he had an inkling at how impatient I have become over the years.... he would step up his game and get his man card back!
Well, I knew that DD was going to ask why I always get her one-piece swimsuits eventually, and today was the day..... You see, back in my day, things were a little more innocent. There were no daily news reports of crimes against children, and there were no stories of sexual predators. Chances are, there were probably stories back then, but I never heard as many reports back then as I do now. I knew that I was going to go into mama bear mode the day I became a mother. I have been vigilant in protecting DD from the dangers. I signed her up for martial arts lessons so she can learn how to defend herself because I know that I am not meant to be on this planet forever, nor am I going to be hanging over her shoulder all the time, so getting her to be street-smart and self-reliant was high on the list of what she needed to learn. I was never coddled as a child and I learned a lot the hard way. I figured that if she understood my determination to keep her safe, she would be less of a defiant daughter.
So as I explained to her the reasons why I am not a fan of bikinis.... They are too revealing and leave virtually nothing to the public's imagination, they are not as durable when diving/jumping into the pool, and really..... who thinks it is such a great idea to swim in something that has the same material level as underwear? Okay, call me "old fashioned", but I am not really in the mood for smacking some little pervert if he tries to get fresh with my child. Believe me, I would be the first in line to defend my daughter's virtue, but if I did not have to.... well, that is less aggravation on my part. DH might be quick, but I am quicker.
I know that hormones are to blame. The interest in makeup, the interest in wearing a bikini, the interest in how to dress to impress.... it all has a reason. Her fascination with high heels may have been cute when she was 4, but now it makes me cringe at how grown up she is becoming. Maybe I am not ready for her to be so grown up, maybe I am not in the mood to becoming the worrisome parent when my child is old enough to go out on a date just yet, and maybe I still have a trust issue when it comes to her. She has done some lying in the past, she even kept important information from me, and she definitely has broken the rules when it came to her personal safety a couple of times. Fortunately, the risks have be very low, but I do not want to see the risk get any higher. I understand that defiance is a rite of passage and keeping secrets is her way of protecting herself from waking mama bear from her slumber (I may seem nice on the outside, but poke this bear and there will be destruction in my wake. It is a guarantee.) While I hope that she has enough street-smarts about her, I know that the boundaries will be tested. She has her father's tendencies and her mother's tenacity.... Looks like me, but acts like her father. The stories I have heard about her father's escapades as a child is a concern for me. She may not follow his footsteps exactly, but he was pretty sneaky, snarky, and creative in his escapades. I am just a little more quick witted and aware.
Needless to say, I still did not get an answer, but this mama bear is going to remain on high alert. She has no clue how smart and resourceful I can be. Her friends see it and fear me for it, but they trust me enough to tell me the truth. That is all that I can hope for right now.....
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Changes, life lessons, and loss.....
People have asked me how I am open to change like I have been over these past few months. With my random "flossings", I have been blessed with the opportunity to take comfort that there is release being made so I can adapt to making changes for me and me alone. Well, this journey has been nothing short of overwhelming. I am still far from being where I want to be, but with the blessings I have received.... I am where I need to be at this point in life. I can only guess that the reason for this revelation, of sorts, stems from sharing my thoughts in a way to where I can look back and see how far I have come.
History likes to repeat itself when you are not focused on changing the course you choose. Well, I cannot say that I am trying to change the course of my life or the choices I have made, but I can say that I am trying to make the choices I made work for me. It is actually a little uncomfortable to even think that I am thinking of myself with that statement, but it is true. While I am prone to be more of a giver than a taker, I know that there are times that I need to do for myself instead of rely upon another to fill the voids. Some call it self-reliance, but I see it as a necessary part of me like breathing. Nobody is made to last forever.... Life does keep moving forward if you are here or not. Why not make the best of it for as long as you possibly can?
I guess this whole shift in my thinking is because in just a couple of days, a flood of sadness will wash over me. On July 20th, I will be reminded that it has been yet another year that my father has gone to heaven. 11 years seems like a lot to some, but when it comes to losing someone you loved all your life.... it still hurts like it happened just yesterday. I do not even want to imagine what is happening to my mom at this time. She lost her soul mate of over 50 years. I have to admit.... I am jealous at how my mom had the best marriage I could ever wish for. My dad treasured her til the very end. Yes, they fought from time to time, but the love that they had for each other made sure that whatever issues they had were fixed by the end of the day. They never went to bed angry. Besides the love that they had for each other, they still had more than enough love for their 4 kids (even though there was always a battle between us four to be the favorite in their eyes). Between the physical (and hormonal) changes their kids went through and the inability to follow the rules.... my parents offered nothing less than unconditional love and support. My parents laid a lot on the line to clean up after our mistakes, but never asked for anything in return except that we learned our lesson and tried to never do it again. Especially when it came to money. My mom still tells me about how we almost lost our family home by extending credit when there was a high risk for failure. Luckily, I still have my mom around, but I sure do miss my dad's wisdom and wicked sense of humor. That man has seen pain that I could never imagine and remained solid for his family. He was a veteran that took pride in this country even after his only brother lost his life fighting in the same war. His knack for taking pictures will forever remain close to my heart. There were times when I would absolutely loathe seeing that camera go off, but I would give my right arm to have him back with us.
I had many missed opportunities when it came to quality time with my dad. Young and stupid seem to top the list, but when I did manage to get my head out of my backside.... I learned so much through him. He knew what to do when a challenge presented itself. Heck, I could have sworn that he could read minds. His assurance that women go through pregnancy and live to tell it sure eased mine when I was pregnant with DD. His advise when it came to being a parent was even more appreciated. "Love with your heart, think with your mind and protect with every fiber of your being", he would say, "but remember that nothing is ever damaged beyond repair when love is involved." I understood that, but always wondered why when it comes to affairs of the heart, we tend to nurse our wounds for far too long. I never got a chance to get that answer from him. God decided to take him from us when I still had so many questions left. Maybe it is because God knows that I need to learn some things on my own.
I never really put much thought in my blogging. Well, of course, I prefer to try to keep names of other people a secret out of respect for their feelings. Initials of abbreviated nicknames or terms of endearment and vague references are all that I can offer so I can at least share my thoughts. I guess I really hoped that people could relate and see that they are never alone when it comes to the challenges that we face. It is never exact, but it can be similar in nature. My reactions may differ from others, but I take ownership of what I do and how I handle things. With my revelations that I manage to find along the way.... I hope that what I learned after the fact can better prepare others that have not been graced with those events and figure how to handle them their own way that suits them best. Remember.... no two people are alike and no two situations are exact. Perceptions blur the line between the truth and what is fabricated. Faith is blind and believing takes courage to face judgement. Life is not something to be taken lightly and it ends way too soon to the ones we love the most. Change is a choice and with every choice there is a plethora of ending results... some less desirable than others. It is how we face those challenges that build strength and character. Nothing is ever as it seems on the surface when it is depth that we seek and only time will ever present itself as how far the depth goes. Love freely, give generously, live life to its fullest, and always to think of yourself from time to time. If that takes detaching yourself from the emotional bonds it creates.... it is not being selfish or self-centered.... it is protecting yourself from the slings and arrows of what life will offer you if you lose focus on what is important. No matter how low a person can feel.... they are their own cherished treasure.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
History likes to repeat itself when you are not focused on changing the course you choose. Well, I cannot say that I am trying to change the course of my life or the choices I have made, but I can say that I am trying to make the choices I made work for me. It is actually a little uncomfortable to even think that I am thinking of myself with that statement, but it is true. While I am prone to be more of a giver than a taker, I know that there are times that I need to do for myself instead of rely upon another to fill the voids. Some call it self-reliance, but I see it as a necessary part of me like breathing. Nobody is made to last forever.... Life does keep moving forward if you are here or not. Why not make the best of it for as long as you possibly can?
I guess this whole shift in my thinking is because in just a couple of days, a flood of sadness will wash over me. On July 20th, I will be reminded that it has been yet another year that my father has gone to heaven. 11 years seems like a lot to some, but when it comes to losing someone you loved all your life.... it still hurts like it happened just yesterday. I do not even want to imagine what is happening to my mom at this time. She lost her soul mate of over 50 years. I have to admit.... I am jealous at how my mom had the best marriage I could ever wish for. My dad treasured her til the very end. Yes, they fought from time to time, but the love that they had for each other made sure that whatever issues they had were fixed by the end of the day. They never went to bed angry. Besides the love that they had for each other, they still had more than enough love for their 4 kids (even though there was always a battle between us four to be the favorite in their eyes). Between the physical (and hormonal) changes their kids went through and the inability to follow the rules.... my parents offered nothing less than unconditional love and support. My parents laid a lot on the line to clean up after our mistakes, but never asked for anything in return except that we learned our lesson and tried to never do it again. Especially when it came to money. My mom still tells me about how we almost lost our family home by extending credit when there was a high risk for failure. Luckily, I still have my mom around, but I sure do miss my dad's wisdom and wicked sense of humor. That man has seen pain that I could never imagine and remained solid for his family. He was a veteran that took pride in this country even after his only brother lost his life fighting in the same war. His knack for taking pictures will forever remain close to my heart. There were times when I would absolutely loathe seeing that camera go off, but I would give my right arm to have him back with us.
I had many missed opportunities when it came to quality time with my dad. Young and stupid seem to top the list, but when I did manage to get my head out of my backside.... I learned so much through him. He knew what to do when a challenge presented itself. Heck, I could have sworn that he could read minds. His assurance that women go through pregnancy and live to tell it sure eased mine when I was pregnant with DD. His advise when it came to being a parent was even more appreciated. "Love with your heart, think with your mind and protect with every fiber of your being", he would say, "but remember that nothing is ever damaged beyond repair when love is involved." I understood that, but always wondered why when it comes to affairs of the heart, we tend to nurse our wounds for far too long. I never got a chance to get that answer from him. God decided to take him from us when I still had so many questions left. Maybe it is because God knows that I need to learn some things on my own.
I never really put much thought in my blogging. Well, of course, I prefer to try to keep names of other people a secret out of respect for their feelings. Initials of abbreviated nicknames or terms of endearment and vague references are all that I can offer so I can at least share my thoughts. I guess I really hoped that people could relate and see that they are never alone when it comes to the challenges that we face. It is never exact, but it can be similar in nature. My reactions may differ from others, but I take ownership of what I do and how I handle things. With my revelations that I manage to find along the way.... I hope that what I learned after the fact can better prepare others that have not been graced with those events and figure how to handle them their own way that suits them best. Remember.... no two people are alike and no two situations are exact. Perceptions blur the line between the truth and what is fabricated. Faith is blind and believing takes courage to face judgement. Life is not something to be taken lightly and it ends way too soon to the ones we love the most. Change is a choice and with every choice there is a plethora of ending results... some less desirable than others. It is how we face those challenges that build strength and character. Nothing is ever as it seems on the surface when it is depth that we seek and only time will ever present itself as how far the depth goes. Love freely, give generously, live life to its fullest, and always to think of yourself from time to time. If that takes detaching yourself from the emotional bonds it creates.... it is not being selfish or self-centered.... it is protecting yourself from the slings and arrows of what life will offer you if you lose focus on what is important. No matter how low a person can feel.... they are their own cherished treasure.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
ACK! Where is the ice cream!
Good morning! If you happen to be a big fan of The Big Bang Theory, you probably remember the episode where Sheldon appears at Penny's door with ice cream and his thought about what makes a woman feel better through his research from the comic strip, "Kathy". If you don't recall take a look at this.....
Well, that is how I am feeling this morning....
I have two subjects to share and neither one can wait, so..... as I ponder how to get this "flossed" out of my mind, I figured that I could at least try to condense my thoughts and get this over with....
Subject #1: Suffering a bad case of expectation blinders. Recent discussions between DD, my mother and I resulted in a revelation that DH has managed to change a little, but not in the vicinity of where I would like to see change. While his sacrifices for this family is appreciated, it bothers me to no end that he has managed to sacrifice things that should have never been sacrificed in the first place.... like, thinking about my feelings. Maybe these darn romance novels have placed the spotlight on what I never considered all that important. I never thought that I would want to be looked upon as a quest for eternal happiness, but it sure sounds nice now. I can only guess that once I said, "I do", he felt that he did not need to put in any more effort. Quite depressing, if you ask me. At least he set his priorities at doing nice things for his daughter and the realization that he hides his motorcycle at the garage where he works is his way to kill DD's desire to go for a ride is one of them. All it took was for one ignorant driver to run him off the road with her on the back to put him in protector mode. When it comes to me???? He lets me fend for myself. Kind of feels like he really does not care all that much about me.
Subject #2: With eyes watering every time I put on my glasses to read, I think I am due for a vacation from reading. Looking back, I have managed to read over 30 books in 6 weeks (and that is a guess without actually counting each book as I went along). Heck, I have been averaging a book a day. I start when I wake up in the morning and stop right before I go to bed. Albeit there are a few breaks here and there to take a shower,do a little housework, pop onto the computer for a little bit, and when I wash the dishes. My sign that my reading is getting overboard is when I walk about the house with my nose plastered in a book. I have even taken them to the bathroom with me. The only errands I have managed to complete are going to work, getting the grocery shopping done and going to the library for another round of books. I did go out this past Saturday night, but by the look in my eyes.... I had books on the brain! I barely eat, I have not exercised, and I am too darn scared to step on the scale because of it. What I do decide to eat is far from balanced and my need for chocolate consumption has hit an unbelievable high. Of course, I recently read that chocolate brings on the feeling of love and some people have managed to consume enough to curb the need for relations with the opposite sex, if you get what I mean. What I noticed is that I have read way too many books about love and have been eating chocolate to feel better about it. What scares me the most is that I am almost done with yet another romance novel and with nothing left to read out of my stack of books, I will return the books and end up mindlessly grabbing more. I did hear of another contender for those Fifty Shades of Grey books out there. A co-worker suggested it to me. It is called "Bared to you" and the first book is already out, the second book is not available yet, but I fear that it will be at least a series of 3 books to read (if not more). What really concerns me is that I am really intrigued to read it. The reviews have offered the notion that it is just as steamy (if not more) than the Fifty Shades trilogy. Am I really up to reading another series? Heck, I am waiting for the 19th book from the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich!
I have become a cliche'!! I am now appearing to be that spinster woman that spends her day sitting on the couch popping chocolates in her mouth! ACK! Where is the ice cream!! I need a new hobby!
I have two subjects to share and neither one can wait, so..... as I ponder how to get this "flossed" out of my mind, I figured that I could at least try to condense my thoughts and get this over with....
Subject #1: Suffering a bad case of expectation blinders. Recent discussions between DD, my mother and I resulted in a revelation that DH has managed to change a little, but not in the vicinity of where I would like to see change. While his sacrifices for this family is appreciated, it bothers me to no end that he has managed to sacrifice things that should have never been sacrificed in the first place.... like, thinking about my feelings. Maybe these darn romance novels have placed the spotlight on what I never considered all that important. I never thought that I would want to be looked upon as a quest for eternal happiness, but it sure sounds nice now. I can only guess that once I said, "I do", he felt that he did not need to put in any more effort. Quite depressing, if you ask me. At least he set his priorities at doing nice things for his daughter and the realization that he hides his motorcycle at the garage where he works is his way to kill DD's desire to go for a ride is one of them. All it took was for one ignorant driver to run him off the road with her on the back to put him in protector mode. When it comes to me???? He lets me fend for myself. Kind of feels like he really does not care all that much about me.
Subject #2: With eyes watering every time I put on my glasses to read, I think I am due for a vacation from reading. Looking back, I have managed to read over 30 books in 6 weeks (and that is a guess without actually counting each book as I went along). Heck, I have been averaging a book a day. I start when I wake up in the morning and stop right before I go to bed. Albeit there are a few breaks here and there to take a shower,do a little housework, pop onto the computer for a little bit, and when I wash the dishes. My sign that my reading is getting overboard is when I walk about the house with my nose plastered in a book. I have even taken them to the bathroom with me. The only errands I have managed to complete are going to work, getting the grocery shopping done and going to the library for another round of books. I did go out this past Saturday night, but by the look in my eyes.... I had books on the brain! I barely eat, I have not exercised, and I am too darn scared to step on the scale because of it. What I do decide to eat is far from balanced and my need for chocolate consumption has hit an unbelievable high. Of course, I recently read that chocolate brings on the feeling of love and some people have managed to consume enough to curb the need for relations with the opposite sex, if you get what I mean. What I noticed is that I have read way too many books about love and have been eating chocolate to feel better about it. What scares me the most is that I am almost done with yet another romance novel and with nothing left to read out of my stack of books, I will return the books and end up mindlessly grabbing more. I did hear of another contender for those Fifty Shades of Grey books out there. A co-worker suggested it to me. It is called "Bared to you" and the first book is already out, the second book is not available yet, but I fear that it will be at least a series of 3 books to read (if not more). What really concerns me is that I am really intrigued to read it. The reviews have offered the notion that it is just as steamy (if not more) than the Fifty Shades trilogy. Am I really up to reading another series? Heck, I am waiting for the 19th book from the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich!
I have become a cliche'!! I am now appearing to be that spinster woman that spends her day sitting on the couch popping chocolates in her mouth! ACK! Where is the ice cream!! I need a new hobby!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Internal loathing.....
Good morning/afternoon (depending on how many little breaks I take while writing this)....
Not sure why I am feeling the way that I have been.... well, maybe I do....
On the surface, I am a happy and well-adjusted person. Internally, is another thing..... Probably it is because of my natural born tendencies to go to extremes when I do something...anything. I have a serious track record for doing something until I either burn out from it or cause personal injury. A prime example is diet and exercise. I get really determined, at first, then my self-sabotaging will eventually kick in. That is where my attempts end up in failures. When it comes to my work ethic.... well, lets just say that I have such a strong sense to do well that people scratch their heads in amazement at my sense of resolve. Sadly, the current job market does not hold openings for a person to actually have faith in a person's resolve to do well. They prefer to have people mindlessly go through the motions from years of experience with a college degree attached. I am street smart more than book smart. If someone was to show me some task to take on and explain the reasons why things are done that way.... I grasp on pretty fast. For me to learn a new job... it takes me roughly a week or two to become so well versed in the task that you will not see me come with stupid questions and need of assistance. Sadly, when it comes to personal tasks..... I tend to lack the resolve to stay in it for the long haul.
Dieting and exercise is the perfect example. I dive in determined to get results quickly and once I do not see the results I desire.... I become a couch potato with a candy bar in my mouth. I can be easily a gym junkie shaking for my next visit to the gym, but once I go into overdrive... I injure myself and become forced to rest well beyond the normal waiting period and the love of the gym gets lost. In fact, I would take a different route to get to places so I could avoid seeing the gym altogether. I used to enjoy going to the pool on hot summer days, but after one look of myself in a swimsuit.... I prefer to stay in my air-conditioned home. Well, after my light brush with some skin cancer.... I really get nervous to get a sunburn and I absolutely hate the smell of sunscreen. Well, I hate the feeling sunscreen leaves. I end up feeling like a greased pig that attracts bugs even if there is not a bug to be seen for miles. Needless to say... I am still fighting the battle of the bulge and not feeling all that interested in wasting my energy to feel let down after a while. I figured that moderation is the key and I eat very little anyway. My head is in reading books lately.
Speaking of books.... My recent need for glasses gave me a nice slap in the face that I am not getting any younger. Oh darn.... Doorbell... Taking a break.... Now I am back... Where was I.... Oh, yeah... books and where my internal loathing is coming from.....
Books are my escape from the stress that I deal with every day. The potential look at something differently is what I strive for. My imagination runs free with every chapter I read. The descriptive words offered to create a scene in the book plays as my internal "movie screen" to seeing the story unfold in my mind. Staking claim to how I see the characters, the landscape, the colors of everything coming into focus. I have to admit.... I have an amazing imagination. In fact, I swear I can even sense the feelings these writers are trying to share through their choice of words and even hearing the seductive inflections of how the characters talk. I laugh, I cry and I feel with the heady combination of words and my imagination. Sadly, I have become aware that my little escapes have been moving at a feverish pace and I feel that what I am thinking on the inside is showing on the outside. As I read, I tend to take a mental vacation from my life and its disappointments and when I take the time to break away from the pages of a book to look at my life, I feel sad. I always took pride in avoiding the false hopes of romance novels. I would rather read a gripping mystery where I try to solve the crime before the last chapter sums it all up. I even dabbled in some suspense or horror books just to get my adrenaline flowing in a controlled environment. I am not a thrill seeker and I definitely do not have a death wish, but to feel without risk is what I choose to do through reading. Well, my recent reading jag put me in a genre that I proudly avoided reading..... Romance. Anything with romantic tendencies were not my thing, nonetheless. I feel that these kinds of books bring on a false sense of hope and the internal loathing level of jealousy that I have never been blessed with that happily ever after and amazing feeling these women manage to get on their journey. Of course, the stories are predictable... A gorgeous, wealthy, strong man on a quest to snare the heart of the woman they sets their sights upon. All the while, protecting her like she is the most valuable possession to have. Of course, there is the undeniable spark of passion and the electricity that it produces to the senses that make it undeniable that there will never be a sad moment to ever experience ever again. Lets face it, people.... Lust sells. Not really sure if it is love because I figured I know what love is, right? Love is a connection that surpasses everything and fills your heart with happiness. Yes, there are times when an argument might arise, there might even be a time or two where anger can take center stage, but after the dust settles.... two people find a middle ground remain together. While my married life is not all roses and love letters, the desire that lust offers is dead and buried. Simple gestures that wooed me in the past do not happen anymore, conversations are about everything else but feeling for one another. Those loving looks are gone and there is focus on other things in its place. While my married life is not fully broken.... it is not running on all cylinders, if you get my drift. Sorry about the mechanic reference, but heck I am married to one and that is what I get to hear about every day.... cars and their problems. So with my face buried in a book, I am starting to loathe my current situation and I probably have desperation in my eyes when I talk to people. I am too far gone in these darn romance novels and I have read just about everything this one author has written. I am down to the last few books left and I have to latch onto something different really soon or I will become that spinster that hides behind her glasses and a book. I am just not strong enough to stop reading if I am enjoying it. There is no physical injury at stake... except for my eye sight, and physically, I am becoming more sensitive to my surroundings.
Now, I need to find another book to solve my addiction to books.... especially romance novels. I am at my breaking point with all these false hopes I have been exposed to. Maybe I will find a good historical book that will kill my desire for another romance novel. History books to me are like the cold shower moments men have when they need their libido under control. Yeah, that's it! A really boring book is in order. Once I finish these last 2 books, I will grab that one book I never finished because it bored me to tears. I just have to dig in my closet and find the darn thing. I just hope I did not already donate it to the library. HA! Problem solved! Thanks for reading my flossing moment if you endured this one. Have a great day!!!!
Not sure why I am feeling the way that I have been.... well, maybe I do....
On the surface, I am a happy and well-adjusted person. Internally, is another thing..... Probably it is because of my natural born tendencies to go to extremes when I do something...anything. I have a serious track record for doing something until I either burn out from it or cause personal injury. A prime example is diet and exercise. I get really determined, at first, then my self-sabotaging will eventually kick in. That is where my attempts end up in failures. When it comes to my work ethic.... well, lets just say that I have such a strong sense to do well that people scratch their heads in amazement at my sense of resolve. Sadly, the current job market does not hold openings for a person to actually have faith in a person's resolve to do well. They prefer to have people mindlessly go through the motions from years of experience with a college degree attached. I am street smart more than book smart. If someone was to show me some task to take on and explain the reasons why things are done that way.... I grasp on pretty fast. For me to learn a new job... it takes me roughly a week or two to become so well versed in the task that you will not see me come with stupid questions and need of assistance. Sadly, when it comes to personal tasks..... I tend to lack the resolve to stay in it for the long haul.
Dieting and exercise is the perfect example. I dive in determined to get results quickly and once I do not see the results I desire.... I become a couch potato with a candy bar in my mouth. I can be easily a gym junkie shaking for my next visit to the gym, but once I go into overdrive... I injure myself and become forced to rest well beyond the normal waiting period and the love of the gym gets lost. In fact, I would take a different route to get to places so I could avoid seeing the gym altogether. I used to enjoy going to the pool on hot summer days, but after one look of myself in a swimsuit.... I prefer to stay in my air-conditioned home. Well, after my light brush with some skin cancer.... I really get nervous to get a sunburn and I absolutely hate the smell of sunscreen. Well, I hate the feeling sunscreen leaves. I end up feeling like a greased pig that attracts bugs even if there is not a bug to be seen for miles. Needless to say... I am still fighting the battle of the bulge and not feeling all that interested in wasting my energy to feel let down after a while. I figured that moderation is the key and I eat very little anyway. My head is in reading books lately.
Speaking of books.... My recent need for glasses gave me a nice slap in the face that I am not getting any younger. Oh darn.... Doorbell... Taking a break.... Now I am back... Where was I.... Oh, yeah... books and where my internal loathing is coming from.....
Books are my escape from the stress that I deal with every day. The potential look at something differently is what I strive for. My imagination runs free with every chapter I read. The descriptive words offered to create a scene in the book plays as my internal "movie screen" to seeing the story unfold in my mind. Staking claim to how I see the characters, the landscape, the colors of everything coming into focus. I have to admit.... I have an amazing imagination. In fact, I swear I can even sense the feelings these writers are trying to share through their choice of words and even hearing the seductive inflections of how the characters talk. I laugh, I cry and I feel with the heady combination of words and my imagination. Sadly, I have become aware that my little escapes have been moving at a feverish pace and I feel that what I am thinking on the inside is showing on the outside. As I read, I tend to take a mental vacation from my life and its disappointments and when I take the time to break away from the pages of a book to look at my life, I feel sad. I always took pride in avoiding the false hopes of romance novels. I would rather read a gripping mystery where I try to solve the crime before the last chapter sums it all up. I even dabbled in some suspense or horror books just to get my adrenaline flowing in a controlled environment. I am not a thrill seeker and I definitely do not have a death wish, but to feel without risk is what I choose to do through reading. Well, my recent reading jag put me in a genre that I proudly avoided reading..... Romance. Anything with romantic tendencies were not my thing, nonetheless. I feel that these kinds of books bring on a false sense of hope and the internal loathing level of jealousy that I have never been blessed with that happily ever after and amazing feeling these women manage to get on their journey. Of course, the stories are predictable... A gorgeous, wealthy, strong man on a quest to snare the heart of the woman they sets their sights upon. All the while, protecting her like she is the most valuable possession to have. Of course, there is the undeniable spark of passion and the electricity that it produces to the senses that make it undeniable that there will never be a sad moment to ever experience ever again. Lets face it, people.... Lust sells. Not really sure if it is love because I figured I know what love is, right? Love is a connection that surpasses everything and fills your heart with happiness. Yes, there are times when an argument might arise, there might even be a time or two where anger can take center stage, but after the dust settles.... two people find a middle ground remain together. While my married life is not all roses and love letters, the desire that lust offers is dead and buried. Simple gestures that wooed me in the past do not happen anymore, conversations are about everything else but feeling for one another. Those loving looks are gone and there is focus on other things in its place. While my married life is not fully broken.... it is not running on all cylinders, if you get my drift. Sorry about the mechanic reference, but heck I am married to one and that is what I get to hear about every day.... cars and their problems. So with my face buried in a book, I am starting to loathe my current situation and I probably have desperation in my eyes when I talk to people. I am too far gone in these darn romance novels and I have read just about everything this one author has written. I am down to the last few books left and I have to latch onto something different really soon or I will become that spinster that hides behind her glasses and a book. I am just not strong enough to stop reading if I am enjoying it. There is no physical injury at stake... except for my eye sight, and physically, I am becoming more sensitive to my surroundings.
Now, I need to find another book to solve my addiction to books.... especially romance novels. I am at my breaking point with all these false hopes I have been exposed to. Maybe I will find a good historical book that will kill my desire for another romance novel. History books to me are like the cold shower moments men have when they need their libido under control. Yeah, that's it! A really boring book is in order. Once I finish these last 2 books, I will grab that one book I never finished because it bored me to tears. I just have to dig in my closet and find the darn thing. I just hope I did not already donate it to the library. HA! Problem solved! Thanks for reading my flossing moment if you endured this one. Have a great day!!!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
The great escape....
Books, oh books are the greatest escape for this suburban wife and mother. Getting the nickname of Bookworm really does not bother me all that much. The comment of having four-eyes from my new glasses tossed my way is completely harmless. I chuckle at how DH and DD can't find anything good to watch on TV these days. In fact, I barely ever hear a peep out of them. My selective hearing is in top form and when I let my imagination run from what I read in whatever way it decides to go.... I just can't seem to have any complaints these days.
Earlier this week, we had a few little annoyances, but since I handle just about everything.... they were resolved rather quickly. I did manage to notice that there are some things that DH needs to do for himself, and even left it alone for him to finally get to it.
While I was slightly miffed at the notion that I have been reading mysteries that have romance intertwined in them, I even grabbed a book or two of just strictly romance. I realized my reason for gravitating towards that genre.... It is a far easier replacement to trying to get it in my life. DH is not romantic, there are no secret admirers out there seeking me out, and I am sure as heck not going to go look for romance from another. I have friends that harmlessly flirt with me and that is good enough for me. Really, who needs a hero these days? I am too self-sufficient to really need that much help in my life. I know how to change a tire, I remember how to change oil in a car (my truck cannot be all that different, right?), I am perfectly capable of setting the clock on my VCR/DVD player, I know the difference between a Phillips-head screwdriver and a flat-head screwdriver. I am pretty handy with tools, I know how to run the generator, the lawn mower, the snow blower, the leaf blower, and the weed whacker. I take out the garbage every week and I even have watched enough DIY television that I could probably fix a leaky faucet or replace a faulty outlet. I know what a fuse is and just recently.... I learned how to replace the propane tank on the grill. I cook and clean and I definitely know how to balance a checkbook. I do not get credit for any of my accomplishments, but I am pretty pleased with what I can do all by myself. With all this knowledge under my belt.... it makes me wonder what good it is to have a man in my life.... Oh.... there is something, but I heard that they have toys to handle that (giggle...giggle... giggle). Okay, not to sound mean.... but in the grand scheme of things.... if I get to learn much more without the tutelage of DH.... I will start to believe that I would be happier without him in my life. I married him because I love him and wanted to have a partner in my life that experiences things with me instead of without me. I wonder if it was his plan all along to have a strong woman in his life to do everything and return to his childhood ways of thinking only about himself. It probably was, but who am I to judge? I thought marriage would have been far different than what I ended up with, but I am adapting quite well with the less that I have been offered.
I think I figured where my recent fascination of romance novels is from. I need something that grounds me to believe that men can be just as vulnerable as women. That there is a woman for every man that makes them feel the need to be the hero, to be the loving shoulder to cry upon, to be the one that is willing to alter their ways just enough to be guaranteed to have that person in their life. Heck, women do that all the time, but do not get credit for it. We are left to believe that we are the weaker ones. At least in these romance novels that I have been reading..... These clueless women stumble through life with their tenacity in tact to be strong enough for the men to think that they are not worthy, but are willing to try harder for the sake of love. Just the thought at how these women writers believe that men react to this alien feeling that is called love is nothing more than lust with potential for growth. I just believe that I am worthy of having someone in my life that thinks I need to be saved, but with my vast knowledge..... That is just not gonna happen and I am okay with that now.
What makes reading so enjoyable is how I can escape the life I have and grasp feelings from something that someone else writes. Reruns are really not an option. Well, when it comes to romance novels.... the premise is predictable, but at least the names, the places, and some of the comments are different. Even the dilemmas are a bit different. What I do find interesting is how the books play out. The woman is actually more a hero than the men. When it comes to something that requires physical strength... the man usually comes through. Heck, when it comes to an overly tightened lug nut on a tire... I would ask for a strong fellow to give me a hand. It is not like I can bench-press with the best of them, but I will need a strong arm to help me from time to time. Unless, that is, I really get serious about the gym and I doubt that will happen. I have seen some of those body-building women and I was almost mistaken that it was a man with the bulges they are able to produce. Last week, I saw one at the local 7-11 and said "excuse me, sir", to quickly be corrected when she turned around to look at me.... YIKES! She had veins popping out where I thought women did not have veins. Not all that attractive, but she probably could have lifted a bus with the guns she had on her. Nonetheless..... I think I am going to finish this one book, head off to the library again and get a few more.
Earlier this week, we had a few little annoyances, but since I handle just about everything.... they were resolved rather quickly. I did manage to notice that there are some things that DH needs to do for himself, and even left it alone for him to finally get to it.
While I was slightly miffed at the notion that I have been reading mysteries that have romance intertwined in them, I even grabbed a book or two of just strictly romance. I realized my reason for gravitating towards that genre.... It is a far easier replacement to trying to get it in my life. DH is not romantic, there are no secret admirers out there seeking me out, and I am sure as heck not going to go look for romance from another. I have friends that harmlessly flirt with me and that is good enough for me. Really, who needs a hero these days? I am too self-sufficient to really need that much help in my life. I know how to change a tire, I remember how to change oil in a car (my truck cannot be all that different, right?), I am perfectly capable of setting the clock on my VCR/DVD player, I know the difference between a Phillips-head screwdriver and a flat-head screwdriver. I am pretty handy with tools, I know how to run the generator, the lawn mower, the snow blower, the leaf blower, and the weed whacker. I take out the garbage every week and I even have watched enough DIY television that I could probably fix a leaky faucet or replace a faulty outlet. I know what a fuse is and just recently.... I learned how to replace the propane tank on the grill. I cook and clean and I definitely know how to balance a checkbook. I do not get credit for any of my accomplishments, but I am pretty pleased with what I can do all by myself. With all this knowledge under my belt.... it makes me wonder what good it is to have a man in my life.... Oh.... there is something, but I heard that they have toys to handle that (giggle...giggle... giggle). Okay, not to sound mean.... but in the grand scheme of things.... if I get to learn much more without the tutelage of DH.... I will start to believe that I would be happier without him in my life. I married him because I love him and wanted to have a partner in my life that experiences things with me instead of without me. I wonder if it was his plan all along to have a strong woman in his life to do everything and return to his childhood ways of thinking only about himself. It probably was, but who am I to judge? I thought marriage would have been far different than what I ended up with, but I am adapting quite well with the less that I have been offered.
I think I figured where my recent fascination of romance novels is from. I need something that grounds me to believe that men can be just as vulnerable as women. That there is a woman for every man that makes them feel the need to be the hero, to be the loving shoulder to cry upon, to be the one that is willing to alter their ways just enough to be guaranteed to have that person in their life. Heck, women do that all the time, but do not get credit for it. We are left to believe that we are the weaker ones. At least in these romance novels that I have been reading..... These clueless women stumble through life with their tenacity in tact to be strong enough for the men to think that they are not worthy, but are willing to try harder for the sake of love. Just the thought at how these women writers believe that men react to this alien feeling that is called love is nothing more than lust with potential for growth. I just believe that I am worthy of having someone in my life that thinks I need to be saved, but with my vast knowledge..... That is just not gonna happen and I am okay with that now.
What makes reading so enjoyable is how I can escape the life I have and grasp feelings from something that someone else writes. Reruns are really not an option. Well, when it comes to romance novels.... the premise is predictable, but at least the names, the places, and some of the comments are different. Even the dilemmas are a bit different. What I do find interesting is how the books play out. The woman is actually more a hero than the men. When it comes to something that requires physical strength... the man usually comes through. Heck, when it comes to an overly tightened lug nut on a tire... I would ask for a strong fellow to give me a hand. It is not like I can bench-press with the best of them, but I will need a strong arm to help me from time to time. Unless, that is, I really get serious about the gym and I doubt that will happen. I have seen some of those body-building women and I was almost mistaken that it was a man with the bulges they are able to produce. Last week, I saw one at the local 7-11 and said "excuse me, sir", to quickly be corrected when she turned around to look at me.... YIKES! She had veins popping out where I thought women did not have veins. Not all that attractive, but she probably could have lifted a bus with the guns she had on her. Nonetheless..... I think I am going to finish this one book, head off to the library again and get a few more.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
And he rides!!!
YAWN! There is a con to every pro. When the weather is nice, people opt for a motorcycle over a car as their mode of transportation. My husband is no different than the rest that have a motorcycle at the ready. Well, for the past couple of summers.... DH preferred to drive his classic 1979 VW Beetle. It is black, a convertible, and is in pristine condition. While I believe that he loves that darn car more than me, it is a pretty nifty mode of transportation. I don't drive it because it is a manual transmission and I have been less than talented to deal with a clutch and shifter while driving. Heck, I am darn lucky that I can walk and chew gum at the same time without bodily injury. Well, DH, being the primo mechanic and all, noticed that his clutch is starting to wear down and left his car at the garage to fix it. I find it funny that when there is a strange sound or potential breakdown in the near future.... he is prepared to fix it before it becomes an issue, but when it comes to my truck.... That sucker needs to be towed in to be looked at. I still have a lens to a fog lamp sitting in my truck to be reattached as well as a head cover gasket sitting at the garage that needs to be put in my truck so it can stop "running lean" as I was told over a month ago. Yep, I still get the "check engine" light popping on at random times as well as having it run so rough that I fear my truck will die on the road. I was assured that my truck issues are not serious.... yet, and I can still drive it for a while. Just still waiting for DH to either fix my truck or I will tow the darn thing in when it does die. I know he would get totally bent if I took my truck to my other friend that works at a garage down the street from his shop, so if he wants to pay for the tow truck.... he can deal with it.... not me. I stopped the supposed nagging to get my truck fixed and strapped on my I don't give a furry rat's behind attitude.
Well, long story short is what I am striving for and failing miserably at, so here goes.....
DH's VW needs work, so he came home with his motorcycle from work last night. It is a 1985 Harley-Davidson Low Rider, red, shiny, and VERY LOUD. Apparently, the stock pipes are not acceptable to DH and wanted to make this thing so loud that the walls shake in my house when he approaches. He changed out the pipes immediately after purchasing it. It is a very distinctive sound and I heard him coming from 4 blocks away and knew that my morning would be less than peaceful. I had 2 summers of a quiet departure from DH when he leaves for work.... Not anymore, that is, until he fixes his VW.
While I actually love his motorcycle, I am saddened that it has not been ridden all that much over the past few years. I think I know why and it tells me that he is no longer the reckless adventurer that he once was when I first met him. Yep, DH was a "bad boy" wrapped in a comedian. He always knew how to make me laugh. When we were dating, he was generous, courteous, and so darn funny. I could not recall a moment when he made me mad or a moment where my feelings were hurt. Sad, how things change after you get married. Especially when the things you did not want to change happen to be the first things to change. Well, before I go on another tangent.... DH used to take me for rides on the motorcycle. I happen to be a "professional passenger" of sorts. I know when to lean and when to kick back on the pegs to avoid crushing him into the gas tank. In fact, I was told that I was such a good passenger, that people thought I was not on the back of their bike. I enjoyed the wind in my face and the freedom that the motorcycle offered while going down the road. I knew it was going to be a matter of time that DD would have the same fascination. Her daddy would put her in a helmet and take her for a ride. He shared with her a special grip to hold on while she was taken on her ride and everything. Every time DH would take the motorcycle, DD would run outside with her helmet in hand, ready for her ride. DH stopped taking me for a ride and it hurt a little, but the bond between father and daughter was heartwarming enough to mask the pain from missing the wind in my face and the freedom that ride with DH offered. Well, on one ride (which I call the last ride), DH had DD on the motorcycle and a person in a car was not paying attention pushed DH off the road with DD on the back. DH is a very cautious rider and avoided a serious accident and that little reality check that people in cars rarely ever pay attention to the motorcycles on the road.... DH put his motorcycle away and did not pull it out since. Well, until last night when he left his VW at work.
As this morning, I woke up to my walls shaking and hearing the rumble of a motorcycle that I adored speeding off down the road, I actually let out a sigh and greeted the new day with memories of a happier time. Only if DH could remember those happier times and act upon them. Sadly, I know he won't. No offer of a ride was given last night and there was no indication that this is going to be a repeat performance of the happier times. Oh well, at least DD did not run outside with her helmet. Maybe my frustration that DH seems so immature at times has finally changed. He refuses to take chances with his family on that motorcycle anymore and that is the ultimate sign that he does care. It is not as obvious because it was not seen until last night, but there is a sign that he does care nonetheless. Sadly, it is the one thing that we did enjoy and it is gone.
Well, long story short is what I am striving for and failing miserably at, so here goes.....
DH's VW needs work, so he came home with his motorcycle from work last night. It is a 1985 Harley-Davidson Low Rider, red, shiny, and VERY LOUD. Apparently, the stock pipes are not acceptable to DH and wanted to make this thing so loud that the walls shake in my house when he approaches. He changed out the pipes immediately after purchasing it. It is a very distinctive sound and I heard him coming from 4 blocks away and knew that my morning would be less than peaceful. I had 2 summers of a quiet departure from DH when he leaves for work.... Not anymore, that is, until he fixes his VW.
While I actually love his motorcycle, I am saddened that it has not been ridden all that much over the past few years. I think I know why and it tells me that he is no longer the reckless adventurer that he once was when I first met him. Yep, DH was a "bad boy" wrapped in a comedian. He always knew how to make me laugh. When we were dating, he was generous, courteous, and so darn funny. I could not recall a moment when he made me mad or a moment where my feelings were hurt. Sad, how things change after you get married. Especially when the things you did not want to change happen to be the first things to change. Well, before I go on another tangent.... DH used to take me for rides on the motorcycle. I happen to be a "professional passenger" of sorts. I know when to lean and when to kick back on the pegs to avoid crushing him into the gas tank. In fact, I was told that I was such a good passenger, that people thought I was not on the back of their bike. I enjoyed the wind in my face and the freedom that the motorcycle offered while going down the road. I knew it was going to be a matter of time that DD would have the same fascination. Her daddy would put her in a helmet and take her for a ride. He shared with her a special grip to hold on while she was taken on her ride and everything. Every time DH would take the motorcycle, DD would run outside with her helmet in hand, ready for her ride. DH stopped taking me for a ride and it hurt a little, but the bond between father and daughter was heartwarming enough to mask the pain from missing the wind in my face and the freedom that ride with DH offered. Well, on one ride (which I call the last ride), DH had DD on the motorcycle and a person in a car was not paying attention pushed DH off the road with DD on the back. DH is a very cautious rider and avoided a serious accident and that little reality check that people in cars rarely ever pay attention to the motorcycles on the road.... DH put his motorcycle away and did not pull it out since. Well, until last night when he left his VW at work.
As this morning, I woke up to my walls shaking and hearing the rumble of a motorcycle that I adored speeding off down the road, I actually let out a sigh and greeted the new day with memories of a happier time. Only if DH could remember those happier times and act upon them. Sadly, I know he won't. No offer of a ride was given last night and there was no indication that this is going to be a repeat performance of the happier times. Oh well, at least DD did not run outside with her helmet. Maybe my frustration that DH seems so immature at times has finally changed. He refuses to take chances with his family on that motorcycle anymore and that is the ultimate sign that he does care. It is not as obvious because it was not seen until last night, but there is a sign that he does care nonetheless. Sadly, it is the one thing that we did enjoy and it is gone.
Monday, July 9, 2012
I may have told you so, but I am not gonna say it anymore...
A couple of weeks ago, an out of state phone call appeared on our caller ID and usually, when a number like that pops up we let it go to voice mail. Well, that is what DH usually does, but I had the phone next to me and I have very little patience to wait the specific number of rings to have it hit voice mail... so I answered it. A young woman from a Home Depot in California was on the phone. She was asking to confirm an on-line order for a power tool to be picked up locally and wanted to make sure that the order was legitimate.
Pleasantly surprised that there are some people that really take their job seriously when it comes to credit card orders, but sickened nonetheless that it was an order placed with our address and phone number attached to it and possibly one of our credit cards being used being used fraudulently. While my concerns were justifiable, I tried to ask for clarification about the charges and if she could offer me the last 4 digits of the supposed credit card being used. She held firm that she could not divulge that information (what a relief she was really serious about protecting a person's identity). The only information she wanted to clarify upon was the name, address and phone number of the card holder. She has two of the three things correct. She had our address and phone number, but the name was wrong. "Nobody with the last name of Chan reside here", I tell the woman. She realized that the person that arrived to pick up this $360 power tool made a mad dash for the door and was taking off in his truck without the tool in his hand. She screams for someone to get the license plate number and returns to talking to me. She apologizes for the inconvenience and the obvious concern that someone was trying to purchase something off of a credit card that could be DH's or mine with only most of the pertinent information being ours. She assures me that she is cancelling the order and that it should not appear on our credit card statement, but suggests that we call our credit card company to notify them of a potential fraud situation happening.
Sickened and angry that identity theft is possible, but in my eyes, is supposed to be a lot harder when we actually set all identity-sensitive stuff on fire instead of "shred and toss" like most other people. It is impossible to get personal information from ashes. I thought we were safe. Apparently not, but I was not going to let someone continue to try to steal from us and started to call the credit card companies to do everything that is needed to protect ourselves. DH and I kept separate credit card accounts and in my eyes... that is pretty smart, but a real pain in the butt if there is a problem that requires a call to the credit card company. As I called about my credit card, I asked DH if he would like to call about his. I have no authorization to notify his credit card company about potential fraud. He declined to take action and told me that I am overreacting. I tried to tell him that overreaction is expected when there is potential for fraud being prevalent, but he held firm in his convictions. I decided to tell him that inaction is a risky thing and a real pain to fix if it gets out of hand. Apparently, DH prefers the "ignorance is bliss" approach and I will never get through to him and I dropped the subject.
Fast forward two weeks: DH likes to use the credit card as a budgeting tool for groceries. I can only guess he does that to keep our spending in check, but I see it as a bill we can avoid if we paid by check or cash. I have been reminded that I do not know what I am doing since the day I gave him the big boy pill and handed him the checkbook to get him snapped back to reality that his laid back attitude regarding getting paid on time or even taking a paycheck when he willingly sacrificed his paycheck for the greater good of his garage without discussing it with me (the one that managed the bills for the past 11 years or so). Well, that offering to help him regarding protecting his credit card from fraud being shot down ended up being that it was his card that was being used fraudulently and not mine. When he pulled out his card to pay for the groceries of the week and was denied, I had to pull out my card to pay for it. Once we got home, he called the credit card company and learned that his card was a victim of fraud. The credit card company has tried to call him for weeks and could not get in touch with him, so they put a hold on his card and made it useless. After a half an hour with the credit card company, he closed that account and is being issued a new card. The fraudulent charges are being handled by the credit card company and he has some paperwork on the way to fill out. After he hung up.... he started whining about the inconvenience he now has to deal with. I bit my tongue so hard, I thought I tasted blood, but did not bother saying "I TOLD YOU SO".
My word has never held water in his world. I have been looked at as I am some kind of moron for years. That being a woman makes me clueless (all a learned trait from his childhood). I mean, he believes every word his mother would say, but when it came to me..... I am without validity. That woman could tell him that the sky is green and he would believe her. I would have to take is sorry backside outside and point his face to the sky to prove that it is actually blue. I have many stories where I am apparently too stupid to find a solution, but later hear that someone else found the greatest solution since sliced bread and it was what I suggested months or weeks earlier and was told it was a stupid idea. Knowing that I have been fighting a losing battle, I have left him to figure stuff out for himself and I get to take pride in that I knew I was right. He will never see it that way, but it gives me peace of mind that I am smarter than the bag of rocks that he thinks I am. Darn shame that he has such a thick skull to actually see what I see and avoid the pitfalls before they happen, but it was his credit card and not mine... so I know that I am safe... for now.
Pleasantly surprised that there are some people that really take their job seriously when it comes to credit card orders, but sickened nonetheless that it was an order placed with our address and phone number attached to it and possibly one of our credit cards being used being used fraudulently. While my concerns were justifiable, I tried to ask for clarification about the charges and if she could offer me the last 4 digits of the supposed credit card being used. She held firm that she could not divulge that information (what a relief she was really serious about protecting a person's identity). The only information she wanted to clarify upon was the name, address and phone number of the card holder. She has two of the three things correct. She had our address and phone number, but the name was wrong. "Nobody with the last name of Chan reside here", I tell the woman. She realized that the person that arrived to pick up this $360 power tool made a mad dash for the door and was taking off in his truck without the tool in his hand. She screams for someone to get the license plate number and returns to talking to me. She apologizes for the inconvenience and the obvious concern that someone was trying to purchase something off of a credit card that could be DH's or mine with only most of the pertinent information being ours. She assures me that she is cancelling the order and that it should not appear on our credit card statement, but suggests that we call our credit card company to notify them of a potential fraud situation happening.
Sickened and angry that identity theft is possible, but in my eyes, is supposed to be a lot harder when we actually set all identity-sensitive stuff on fire instead of "shred and toss" like most other people. It is impossible to get personal information from ashes. I thought we were safe. Apparently not, but I was not going to let someone continue to try to steal from us and started to call the credit card companies to do everything that is needed to protect ourselves. DH and I kept separate credit card accounts and in my eyes... that is pretty smart, but a real pain in the butt if there is a problem that requires a call to the credit card company. As I called about my credit card, I asked DH if he would like to call about his. I have no authorization to notify his credit card company about potential fraud. He declined to take action and told me that I am overreacting. I tried to tell him that overreaction is expected when there is potential for fraud being prevalent, but he held firm in his convictions. I decided to tell him that inaction is a risky thing and a real pain to fix if it gets out of hand. Apparently, DH prefers the "ignorance is bliss" approach and I will never get through to him and I dropped the subject.
Fast forward two weeks: DH likes to use the credit card as a budgeting tool for groceries. I can only guess he does that to keep our spending in check, but I see it as a bill we can avoid if we paid by check or cash. I have been reminded that I do not know what I am doing since the day I gave him the big boy pill and handed him the checkbook to get him snapped back to reality that his laid back attitude regarding getting paid on time or even taking a paycheck when he willingly sacrificed his paycheck for the greater good of his garage without discussing it with me (the one that managed the bills for the past 11 years or so). Well, that offering to help him regarding protecting his credit card from fraud being shot down ended up being that it was his card that was being used fraudulently and not mine. When he pulled out his card to pay for the groceries of the week and was denied, I had to pull out my card to pay for it. Once we got home, he called the credit card company and learned that his card was a victim of fraud. The credit card company has tried to call him for weeks and could not get in touch with him, so they put a hold on his card and made it useless. After a half an hour with the credit card company, he closed that account and is being issued a new card. The fraudulent charges are being handled by the credit card company and he has some paperwork on the way to fill out. After he hung up.... he started whining about the inconvenience he now has to deal with. I bit my tongue so hard, I thought I tasted blood, but did not bother saying "I TOLD YOU SO".
My word has never held water in his world. I have been looked at as I am some kind of moron for years. That being a woman makes me clueless (all a learned trait from his childhood). I mean, he believes every word his mother would say, but when it came to me..... I am without validity. That woman could tell him that the sky is green and he would believe her. I would have to take is sorry backside outside and point his face to the sky to prove that it is actually blue. I have many stories where I am apparently too stupid to find a solution, but later hear that someone else found the greatest solution since sliced bread and it was what I suggested months or weeks earlier and was told it was a stupid idea. Knowing that I have been fighting a losing battle, I have left him to figure stuff out for himself and I get to take pride in that I knew I was right. He will never see it that way, but it gives me peace of mind that I am smarter than the bag of rocks that he thinks I am. Darn shame that he has such a thick skull to actually see what I see and avoid the pitfalls before they happen, but it was his credit card and not mine... so I know that I am safe... for now.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Honest opinion.....
Just last night, I pondered the notion to go out and see some friends. While this group of people are quite fun to be around, there is something missing and that is my best friend that I think of more as my sister than anyone out there. While I miss her dearly, I decided to get my head out of reading yet another book and be a little more sociable. I made a good choice by going out to see friends and I had a great time. I just happened to need a little alone time with a beer to ponder how things have been lately and after leaving my friends, I ventured out to have a beer all alone. This is not a normal thing for me.... having a beer all alone, that is.... but I managed to learn something about myself by having that experience. While I do not suggest that people go and do something that is considered a social thing all alone, there is something that needed to be said about my experience.
I am a very sociable person. People seem to gravitate towards me. I have noticed on occasion that people feel compelled to share things with me without asking for it. I am not sure if it is a gift or if it is a curse, but I see myself as a fairly reasonable and honest person. I have taken pride that if a person is secure enough to ask me a question.... I will give a totally honest answer. Now, not all my answers are embraced as what they want to hear, but I do have a knack to diffuse the potential reaction that could pose as unfavorable. Probably because I answer them with a smile on my face after making sure that they really need the honest to God truth. While my honesty seems to be appreciated, I happened to notice that people tend to see my point of view in a reasonable light along with the observation that they believe that I am quite smart. I chuckle at the notion that I am smart, but I will admit that I am very observant. Just get a few beers in me and my filter to keep my observations under wraps is broken or severely malfunctioning. I have no ill will towards these people that I manage to observe in a less than favorable light, it does being across some questions that may pose as I am overly critical or insecure. The difference is in how I choose to perceive it.
Well, after leaving the BBQ/party at a friend's house, I headed off to a bar close to home to have one beer alone as a release of sorts. With my recent embracing of "I don't give a rat's furry behind" attitude, I still have moments of curiosity to why people act as they do. I guess it is more of a what are you thinking kind-of observation. As each action (or inaction) offers a result, it is the foundation of why we choose to act they way we do that has me thinking. As I decided to take a "breather" from the crowd inside the bar by stepping outside and embracing the much cooler weather that finally came along, I ended up talking to a couple of complete strangers. The tomboy in me seems to appeal to the male species more so than the female species. Probably because I appear in a very non-threatening way.... I am no longer in the singles scene and I do not appear needy for attention. You all know what I am talking about.... those people that overcompensate their appearance to get the attention of the opposite sex. I prefer comfort over fashion with my shorts and over-sized t-shirt. I do not wear heels and tight stuff when I am out and about. Gym shoes or a comfy pair of flip-flops are my style.... totally relaxed. Well, the conversation ended up being about really random stuff like... where is the best place to get a burger at that late of the hour and how the past week of sweltering heat was so brutal. Then, the conversation took a turn and one guy asked me how women seem to gravitate towards to the "bad boys" and leave the really nice ones in the dust. Probably because there was this "attractive", yet sleazy looking woman was hanging all over this really huge and scary looking biker dude in view of myself and this person that created the curiosity. While the biker dude was not scary looking in my eyes... he was quite tall, muscular and very tough looking, I did not seem to understand the problem this person had. Well, this guy really needed to know why he seemed to be left in the dust all the time and asked me for an honest answer (because I am a girl, you know), and I gave him this answer....
"Women gravitate towards the tough guy/bad boy because women (especially young and clueless ones), believe that they can change him."
As this guy looked shocked at my answer, I knew I had to clarify just a bit more. While men and women happen to have the same needs... it is the women that take a challenge to a completely different level. Men are more external while women are more prone to internal things. Men prefer more visual cues while women seek hidden vulnerability. If a woman can find a big, strong man that can be tough to the world, but vulnerable enough to share his feeling with only her.... she has accomplished the ultimate goal. Women are ones to never admit that they need a hero in their lives. We are a lot stronger than what most men give us credit for. In a very twisted view.... woman have the "hero complex" when they believe they can change a man for the better. Women seek not just love from a man, but lust. We want to be desired. No wonder why women get frustrated after the wooing stage of relationships Men are capable to be the right amount of challenge and the right amount of lust until they know that they have the love of the woman they seek, and will revert back to who they are once they reach a level of comfort (like a fuzzy pair of slippers or your favorite sweatpants) in a relationship. If the threat of a woman was to stray, men will either dole out more attention to their women or walk away. It all boils down to their need to have that woman in their life. Sadly, there is an ugly side to relationships. It is the comfort zone. Once a couple gets comfortable around each other.... the visual appearance changes. Women and men seem to lack focus on their personal appearance. Those cute outfits that women wear to snare the attention of a man get replaced with stuff you would normally see them wearing while doing the laundry. Men gain weight and let their muscle tone become replaced with a beer gut. If the relationship was based upon physical appearance instead of mental/emotional connection.... the relationship either dies or becomes an annoyance. The wandering eye starts to resurface or the need for beer goggles becomes stronger. I should know. This is what I am seeing in my marriage. While I am trying to return to the physical appearance where I felt most confident, I overcompensated elsewhere to feverishly try to get the attention that I feel is lacking in my life and failing miserably. I thought I had a more mental/emotional connection with DH, but I am starting to believe that he saw it as more physical/visual. Sadly, age is never a kind thing. Things will start to sag and wrinkle. While women tend to see beyond the surface, I have come to the conclusion that men prefer to keep their sights on only the surface of things. It is a rare few that look beyond the physical appearance and attach to the mental connection and remain happily together, but on average.... there is more that choose the exterior view than internal.
I decided that the discussion was good enough for the evening and excused myself to go home. I was getting tired. After my kind farewell, I got one thing out of the conversation..... a compliment that was not necessary and lacks foundation..... I was told that I am very smart. My reply was.... "No, I am not smart... I am observant. What I happened to have observed over the years is from opening my eyes and paying attention to details that people tend to overlook. What I learn does not make me smarter... it just helps me understand a little better a point of view. If I was truly smarter.... I would never experience life."
Isn't that what life is about? What we manage to learn through observation and experience is how we obtain the tools needed to survive?
Thanks for reading and have a great day everyone!!
I am a very sociable person. People seem to gravitate towards me. I have noticed on occasion that people feel compelled to share things with me without asking for it. I am not sure if it is a gift or if it is a curse, but I see myself as a fairly reasonable and honest person. I have taken pride that if a person is secure enough to ask me a question.... I will give a totally honest answer. Now, not all my answers are embraced as what they want to hear, but I do have a knack to diffuse the potential reaction that could pose as unfavorable. Probably because I answer them with a smile on my face after making sure that they really need the honest to God truth. While my honesty seems to be appreciated, I happened to notice that people tend to see my point of view in a reasonable light along with the observation that they believe that I am quite smart. I chuckle at the notion that I am smart, but I will admit that I am very observant. Just get a few beers in me and my filter to keep my observations under wraps is broken or severely malfunctioning. I have no ill will towards these people that I manage to observe in a less than favorable light, it does being across some questions that may pose as I am overly critical or insecure. The difference is in how I choose to perceive it.
Well, after leaving the BBQ/party at a friend's house, I headed off to a bar close to home to have one beer alone as a release of sorts. With my recent embracing of "I don't give a rat's furry behind" attitude, I still have moments of curiosity to why people act as they do. I guess it is more of a what are you thinking kind-of observation. As each action (or inaction) offers a result, it is the foundation of why we choose to act they way we do that has me thinking. As I decided to take a "breather" from the crowd inside the bar by stepping outside and embracing the much cooler weather that finally came along, I ended up talking to a couple of complete strangers. The tomboy in me seems to appeal to the male species more so than the female species. Probably because I appear in a very non-threatening way.... I am no longer in the singles scene and I do not appear needy for attention. You all know what I am talking about.... those people that overcompensate their appearance to get the attention of the opposite sex. I prefer comfort over fashion with my shorts and over-sized t-shirt. I do not wear heels and tight stuff when I am out and about. Gym shoes or a comfy pair of flip-flops are my style.... totally relaxed. Well, the conversation ended up being about really random stuff like... where is the best place to get a burger at that late of the hour and how the past week of sweltering heat was so brutal. Then, the conversation took a turn and one guy asked me how women seem to gravitate towards to the "bad boys" and leave the really nice ones in the dust. Probably because there was this "attractive", yet sleazy looking woman was hanging all over this really huge and scary looking biker dude in view of myself and this person that created the curiosity. While the biker dude was not scary looking in my eyes... he was quite tall, muscular and very tough looking, I did not seem to understand the problem this person had. Well, this guy really needed to know why he seemed to be left in the dust all the time and asked me for an honest answer (because I am a girl, you know), and I gave him this answer....
"Women gravitate towards the tough guy/bad boy because women (especially young and clueless ones), believe that they can change him."
As this guy looked shocked at my answer, I knew I had to clarify just a bit more. While men and women happen to have the same needs... it is the women that take a challenge to a completely different level. Men are more external while women are more prone to internal things. Men prefer more visual cues while women seek hidden vulnerability. If a woman can find a big, strong man that can be tough to the world, but vulnerable enough to share his feeling with only her.... she has accomplished the ultimate goal. Women are ones to never admit that they need a hero in their lives. We are a lot stronger than what most men give us credit for. In a very twisted view.... woman have the "hero complex" when they believe they can change a man for the better. Women seek not just love from a man, but lust. We want to be desired. No wonder why women get frustrated after the wooing stage of relationships Men are capable to be the right amount of challenge and the right amount of lust until they know that they have the love of the woman they seek, and will revert back to who they are once they reach a level of comfort (like a fuzzy pair of slippers or your favorite sweatpants) in a relationship. If the threat of a woman was to stray, men will either dole out more attention to their women or walk away. It all boils down to their need to have that woman in their life. Sadly, there is an ugly side to relationships. It is the comfort zone. Once a couple gets comfortable around each other.... the visual appearance changes. Women and men seem to lack focus on their personal appearance. Those cute outfits that women wear to snare the attention of a man get replaced with stuff you would normally see them wearing while doing the laundry. Men gain weight and let their muscle tone become replaced with a beer gut. If the relationship was based upon physical appearance instead of mental/emotional connection.... the relationship either dies or becomes an annoyance. The wandering eye starts to resurface or the need for beer goggles becomes stronger. I should know. This is what I am seeing in my marriage. While I am trying to return to the physical appearance where I felt most confident, I overcompensated elsewhere to feverishly try to get the attention that I feel is lacking in my life and failing miserably. I thought I had a more mental/emotional connection with DH, but I am starting to believe that he saw it as more physical/visual. Sadly, age is never a kind thing. Things will start to sag and wrinkle. While women tend to see beyond the surface, I have come to the conclusion that men prefer to keep their sights on only the surface of things. It is a rare few that look beyond the physical appearance and attach to the mental connection and remain happily together, but on average.... there is more that choose the exterior view than internal.
I decided that the discussion was good enough for the evening and excused myself to go home. I was getting tired. After my kind farewell, I got one thing out of the conversation..... a compliment that was not necessary and lacks foundation..... I was told that I am very smart. My reply was.... "No, I am not smart... I am observant. What I happened to have observed over the years is from opening my eyes and paying attention to details that people tend to overlook. What I learn does not make me smarter... it just helps me understand a little better a point of view. If I was truly smarter.... I would never experience life."
Isn't that what life is about? What we manage to learn through observation and experience is how we obtain the tools needed to survive?
Thanks for reading and have a great day everyone!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
No, I am NOT crying!
Allergies! If you do not have them..... I highly recommend them. Especially during probably one of the most unstable year of weather, might I add. It is just glorious, I tell ya!! The constant watering of the eyes is to die for, especially when you need to wear makeup to go to work, the store, or to the corner mailbox. The puffy, itchy eyes is just a glorious feeling.... and then add some huge sneezing fits with congestion to the mix.
My usual arsenal of allergy control stuff just cannot keep up with the fun. I am not sure if it is the fact that my allergy meds are fighting two things at once. My reading marathon started with a BANG and I have never been one to stay in the house for hours upon hours every day. I go outside to at least enjoy the weather from time to time with my book of the moment. Yep, cranking through a book a day seems to be the pace I have going on. Well, the books are a fun read and it is my escape from the mundane. Well, apparently, I am a mosquito buffet every time I go outside. With the weather being absolutely sweltering and virtually no rain in the forecast that should not bring the mosquitoes to life, I thought I had a fighting chance. I WAS WRONG! Those little buggars have been feasting on my every time I go outside and I have bites upon bites as my battle scars. With my allergies having zero relief, I now seem to be more reactive to the bites and my allergy medicines are picking the supposed easiest thing to battle and leaving me all congested, watery, and sneeze-ridden. Itching in only random places that have been hit like a scatter of buckshot, my right arm looks like I an healing from a light brush with poison ivy. The top of my left foot has been exfoliated within an inch of its existence, and I think a few very sneaky ones bit me on the side of my head. Darn book reading had me clueless to the barrage of those nasty little menaces to society pulling a no-bars-held attack on me. Will it make me quit my enjoyment of reading this summer? Nope. I am almost at the 18th book of a series that I figured that I would have ceased to read after the 12th book. I am too determined to complete things I started.
So as I wake up in the morning, I try to rub away the haze that is still in my eyes and snarl at my reflection in the mirror, thinking it is an improvement to look like a nasty fighter after 5 rounds of being smacked around. Heck, I am just missing the cuts and bruises, but the look is quite impressive. Then I come to my senses and decide to take my shower, get dressed and put some makeup on. At least makeup can hide the ugliness that allergies manage to push to the surface, right? Of course, it is a short-lived fix because my eyes keep watering and wash off my makeup. Well to one eye, at least. My body likes to make everything a challenge. Once I reapply to one eye, things settle just enough to feel confident that I look okay. Usually by noon, my makeup gets rubbed off from the itchy eyes that plague me the rest of the day.
So here I am.... looking like a prize fighter in drag makeup and ready to face the day. I can only guess that is why DH is less than interested in looking at me. I thought it was because of my weight, but I guess after all that praying to God that he could at least look at me with love in his eyes because my face is probably the only thing that looks okay on me has failed. Yep, God has a sense of humor and I am the butt of the joke. Oh well.... New attitude that I embraced tells me that I should not give a furry rats behind, and that is what I intend to have. While secretly hoping that the forces that be can find another victim, I am ready to face the day. Already a year older (my birthday was Sunday) and I even filled it with going to work and all the other usual routine that Sundays are in my house. Eventually, I will get myself that celebratory birthday beer and chalk up another year to look forward to.... less pretty and obviously nowhere near getting to my fighting weight. DH's gift was an impersonally signed birthday card and a bag or Reese's Peanut Butter cups. Those tasty little cups did not go to waste.... they are currently residing on my waist, hips, and everywhere else. Nice to know that DH remembered that I am on a diet, right? Oh heck! I would been happy with a 6-pack of Miller Light and he knows it. UGH! Oh well.... life goes on. Waking up to being on the top side of the sod is the start of a potentially good day. The only way it is going to be a good one is to do what you can to not let the little little stuff drag you down. Rise and conquer is my motto for today. So what if I can give Quasimoto, the bell ringer in Notre Dame a run for his money. It is all my allergies fault, right? I sure hope so.....
Have a great day and thanks for reading yet another flossing moment of mine ;)
My usual arsenal of allergy control stuff just cannot keep up with the fun. I am not sure if it is the fact that my allergy meds are fighting two things at once. My reading marathon started with a BANG and I have never been one to stay in the house for hours upon hours every day. I go outside to at least enjoy the weather from time to time with my book of the moment. Yep, cranking through a book a day seems to be the pace I have going on. Well, the books are a fun read and it is my escape from the mundane. Well, apparently, I am a mosquito buffet every time I go outside. With the weather being absolutely sweltering and virtually no rain in the forecast that should not bring the mosquitoes to life, I thought I had a fighting chance. I WAS WRONG! Those little buggars have been feasting on my every time I go outside and I have bites upon bites as my battle scars. With my allergies having zero relief, I now seem to be more reactive to the bites and my allergy medicines are picking the supposed easiest thing to battle and leaving me all congested, watery, and sneeze-ridden. Itching in only random places that have been hit like a scatter of buckshot, my right arm looks like I an healing from a light brush with poison ivy. The top of my left foot has been exfoliated within an inch of its existence, and I think a few very sneaky ones bit me on the side of my head. Darn book reading had me clueless to the barrage of those nasty little menaces to society pulling a no-bars-held attack on me. Will it make me quit my enjoyment of reading this summer? Nope. I am almost at the 18th book of a series that I figured that I would have ceased to read after the 12th book. I am too determined to complete things I started.
So as I wake up in the morning, I try to rub away the haze that is still in my eyes and snarl at my reflection in the mirror, thinking it is an improvement to look like a nasty fighter after 5 rounds of being smacked around. Heck, I am just missing the cuts and bruises, but the look is quite impressive. Then I come to my senses and decide to take my shower, get dressed and put some makeup on. At least makeup can hide the ugliness that allergies manage to push to the surface, right? Of course, it is a short-lived fix because my eyes keep watering and wash off my makeup. Well to one eye, at least. My body likes to make everything a challenge. Once I reapply to one eye, things settle just enough to feel confident that I look okay. Usually by noon, my makeup gets rubbed off from the itchy eyes that plague me the rest of the day.
So here I am.... looking like a prize fighter in drag makeup and ready to face the day. I can only guess that is why DH is less than interested in looking at me. I thought it was because of my weight, but I guess after all that praying to God that he could at least look at me with love in his eyes because my face is probably the only thing that looks okay on me has failed. Yep, God has a sense of humor and I am the butt of the joke. Oh well.... New attitude that I embraced tells me that I should not give a furry rats behind, and that is what I intend to have. While secretly hoping that the forces that be can find another victim, I am ready to face the day. Already a year older (my birthday was Sunday) and I even filled it with going to work and all the other usual routine that Sundays are in my house. Eventually, I will get myself that celebratory birthday beer and chalk up another year to look forward to.... less pretty and obviously nowhere near getting to my fighting weight. DH's gift was an impersonally signed birthday card and a bag or Reese's Peanut Butter cups. Those tasty little cups did not go to waste.... they are currently residing on my waist, hips, and everywhere else. Nice to know that DH remembered that I am on a diet, right? Oh heck! I would been happy with a 6-pack of Miller Light and he knows it. UGH! Oh well.... life goes on. Waking up to being on the top side of the sod is the start of a potentially good day. The only way it is going to be a good one is to do what you can to not let the little little stuff drag you down. Rise and conquer is my motto for today. So what if I can give Quasimoto, the bell ringer in Notre Dame a run for his money. It is all my allergies fault, right? I sure hope so.....
Have a great day and thanks for reading yet another flossing moment of mine ;)
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