Blue....

Welcome friends.  Today is a day of sorrow and a day of celebration.  I have to say goodbye to my trusty shovel, Blue, and welcome a new shovel friend to my home. 

Yep, I name my shovels.  Don't you?

I know that people name things for the sake of naming them.  It might be out of admiration, it might be out of respect, or it is named because you spend so much time with it.  My husband named his truck, Blackie, and his VW Beetle, Herbie.  Those are his inanimate friends that he named all on his own.  So what if the name Blackie came from the fact that his truck's color is black.  It is not like it was tied to a personality...  or is it.  Lately, that truck has been the black hole in needing repairs.  Needless to say, they have their names and that is just fine by me.  Luckily, my husband is a mechanic and can fix his own darn truck.

As for me, I rarely name inanimate things.  I am a hairdresser and I do not name my tools, I am a housewife and I do not name my cleaning supplies, but I have one area in my life that I have named something besides my daughter and the family pets....  I name my snow removal gear,  I have a collection of shovels, my husband has a small collection of snow blowers that I use and since I spend so much time with them in the winter, I decided to name them all.

Let me introduce you to my winter friends....

Lets start with the snow blowers.  There is Little First Blower, he is the first snowblower that I got my husband for our first Christmas together...  December of 1998.  That crazy little machine got it's workout a month later with a major snowfall.  Something like 21 inches in 24 hours.  What a trooper for a little machine. Then there is Big Red.  My husband found him in the garbage along the road on his way to work.  Darn thing looked like brand new and probably was, but needed one little part to make it work.  A $12.00 investment later and a about 20 minutes with it, it works like it just got out of the box.  Then there is Nelly.  This huge machine that we got from a friend that worked for the school district.  It just needs a muffler, but since my husband loves loud stuff, we never got her a muffler.  She is the only snow blower that has gears in order to get her to move.  Just to back her up, you need to put this thing in reverse.  Neutral to stay in one place and three gears ranging from a snails pace to a brisk walk to move forward.  Lousy on turns, quite big and a real pain for me to maneuver.  Got the name Nelly because my first time using that thing, I got dragged down the driveway and I started screaming, "Woah Nelly!"  I might not be a big fan of snow blowers because my driveway is old and uneven and they cannot get all the snow, but I appreciate them to do the real heavy work for me when I am not up to heaving heavy snow.  If they get most of the snow, I am happy, but I will go back with one of my trusty shovels to clean up what the snowblower missed.  Call it OCD, but I like a clean driveway and sidewalk.

Now, on to the trusty friends that I prefer to use....  My shovels.  Yes, I have had quite a few.  Most of them did not get names.  In the past 13 years I have lived in my home, I have probably gone through 3 or 4 shovels that I never named.  I am down to 4 in my garage, and their names are....  Busted Red, Hope, Bertha, and Blue.  Busted Red is my cracked shovel that my husband drove over, and now has the job of being a dustpan for leaves in the fall.  Have not parted with it, just changed it's career path.  Hope is another red shovel, but is really lousy at scraping to the bottom.  It's shape is not ergonomic for me.  Every time I use it, I 'hope' it can accomplish what I set it out to do.  Bertha is a solid metal snow shovel.  Weighs a ton.  We use her to scrape the compacted stuff off the driveway if it is really stubborn.  Then there is my trusty friend for the past 5 winters... Blue.  That shovel was perfect for me.  Completely ergonomic to my frame, was able to scrape off compacted snow with ease, lightweight so my back did not hurt, reliable and represents the color I feel when I have to do all the shoveling... Blue.  She was awesome!!  Sadly, since being a plastic shovel, I knew that it was only a matter of time that she would wear out.  He plastic edge that was sharp would become worn away.  I have hoped that she could finish the season out, but alas, she can't go no further.  So sad.

Since today is garbage day, and the weather channel predicts yet another barrage of snow to fall, I have to say goodbye to my trusty friend and let her legacy be recycled into something else.  Yes, a tear will be shed when the garbage truck makes its appearance.  I just might be playing TAPS as I send her off.  Memories will be all that is left of her, but I will have a new shovel friend to name today.  So goodbye trusty friend, shoveling might not be the same anymore.  I just hope that I can find another shovel that can do all that you have done for me for so many years.  You were the best shovel ever... remember that.  My garage will not feel the same.  Maybe I will send you off with Hope.  She needs a new lease on life, too.  Now, I am off to find a new shovel friend.....  Life goes on.....

Getting out of my comfort zone.....

Being the creative person that I am, I love my job as a hairdresser.  Not many people can say they love their job, but I do.  The satisfaction of seeing a person transform in front of my eyes is such a sight to see.  Seeing the smile on their face after I work on their hair is the biggest compliment I can get for a job well done.  Hey, tipping is always appreciated, but knowing that this person will come back to see me again is quite a reward for a job well done.  I just hate being a secret.

The service industry is in a pinch.  People have been losing their jobs, their homes and some seem to have lost hope.  When money is tight, people find ways to cut back and save money.  It could be clipping coupons, eating at home instead of out all the time, walking to work to save on gas for their car...  So many things change when you are required to be on a budget.  I see less and less regularity for my clients when it is time to get their hair done.  In fact, I have lost a few clients over the past year.  I miss each and every client that I have lost.

Since there is more time in the day that I have open for new clients, I try my hardest to "sell myself".  Nope, not pimping like a prostitute, but convincing people to come and see me for their haircare needs.  What makes it harder is that the salon I work for is considered a salon/spa combo.  Which means... we are not the cheapest, but we are not the most expensive.  Well, since money is a valued thing and it is not as abundant in anyone's checkbook or wallet, it is considered a luxury to go to where I work.  People are opting to go to those in and out chain salons that charge a small amount for haircuts, buying box color at the grocery store, and even trying to cut their own hair.  The ones that still make the investment to get their hair done by me have been waiting even longer to come and see me.  What was every 4-6 weeks has been stretched out to 2-3 months.  I love my job, but sitting around does not pay the bills....  Feast or famine, kiddo... Feast or famine is my world.

Now, since I take so much pride in what I do, I know that the clients I have will come back (unless they move away or die).  I have never been a pushy saleswoman, I do not demand that they pre-book their next appointment, and I only suggest what products they need to take care of their hair at home.  Sadly, I have a client base that cannot sell me to their friends and family.  Referrals are hard to come by if you are "their little secret to looking good".

But where do I go from here?  What do I need to do to rebuild my crumbling service job I love so much?  I have spent my time in those chain salons...  quantity over quality...  impersonal service...  selling my talents for mere pennies.  Call me a prude or a princess, but I prefer that I cut clean hair.  Those places just spray down dirty hair with water and cut away.  Just the thought of running my fingers through unwashed hair makes my skin crawl, but it is cheaper to not get shampooed and that is what people are doing...  skipping the shampoo to save some money.  People are willing to forgo personalized service, be treated like a number and sent on their way...  all for the low, low price of $8.00 for a haircut!  Maybe, if you are lucky, they might actually spring a dollar for a tip.  No wonder I have seen some really bad haircuts walk out of that place.  Those stylists have sold their soul.  If their work is any indication...  They hate where they work.

Every stylist, upon graduation from beauty school has put in some time in what other stylists call a "chop shop".  There are a select few that took the biggest risk and worked at a salon that you need to build a client base.  The difference between a chop shop and a salon is how you get paid.  Chop shops pay a meager hourly wage and one commission check (less your hourly wage) a month.  The more you bring in, the more money you can make.  A salon pays commission only; you get a percentage of what you do for a client, so sitting around earns you... nothing.  It is hard core, but it is worth it if you are always busy.  The cost for a haircut is totally different in each place; a chop shop charges under $10, a salon charges more.  The atmosphere is different, the service is different, and your end result is different. 

I remember being told, back in beauty school, that the only maker of your destiny is... you.  I was under the impression that it was in regards to how hard you work, and how good you are at what you do.  I never was told that I had to sell myself.  Now I understand.  But, how do I do it?  How can I build a client base if the people are avoiding the salon to save some money?  I have cut prices, offered free stuff, asked for referrals and even offer discounts to new clients.  I even offer little freebies to the clients I already have to try to keep them coming back.  Since my selling abilities are nil, I need to find a solution.  I was talking to another stylist that is always busy and that the economy has not put a pinch in her paycheck.  Her suggestion is to "get out of my comfort zone".  

Okay little miss money maker, how does one get out of their comfort zone?  I am darn good at my job, I listen to my clients, and I always go the extra mile for them.  I don't sell.... I suggest.  How does one sell something if nobody is buying?

Her reply was....  Try harder.

HA!  This "old dog" has been trying for years.  It is a complete and utter failure.  I have ventured to trying things just shy of giving it all away for free.

Hmmm... Free.  Maybe I need to give away my services for free in order for someone to really offer to give out referrals.  My question is... Are people willing to follow through with the promise to get their friends and family in to see me if I give them something for free, or would they take the free services and run?  Do I take the chance and give my talents away for free with no guarantees that it will result in getting new clients?  Maybe that is what she meant by getting out of my comfort zone.  I have to admit, just thinking about doing that is way out of my comfort zone.  I guess I just have to try and see, huh?

Wish me luck :)

The Technicolor Monster.....

Well, the search of something in my mind to pop forward finally come to fruition...  Grab a coffee and a danish... here we go.........

Ever notice that we give names to undesirable traits?  Any amount of fat that happens to rest on the waistband of your jeans is called a "muffin top"?  How about those times you become jealous of another person, you hear the name of  "little green eyed monster" making its appearance?  Holding your breath usually constitutes to "turning blue"? Or even the term "feeling blue" means being sad or depressed?  Maybe you can be real colorful with other emotions or actions by even saying that a person gets so mad that they are "seeing red"?  I find it interesting the names we give to these things and realized that even though we are only human, we are the Technicolor Monsters.  Well, the 'muffin top' reference is not really a color, but just the thought of being compared to a pastry does make a person a "pale shade of green" from being so sickened by it.

We are the beasts of burden.  We deal with so much every day.  It is different for each person, but the results run pretty similar.  I just wonder why those "colorful" monsters that hide, deep within our skin exist?

Lets peel back a layer and see......

Since I am the blogger here, I can only use myself as an example, but if you can relate, then you can understand where I am coming from.....

Lately, I have been feeling a little Technicolor lately.  Mainly I have been just hitting the shades of red, green, pale green, maybe a touch of pink and then blue.  Let me elaborate...  The past couple of days I have been more in tune with what I feel at any given time.  It is kind of like getting the radio station so finely tuned that the music playing is crisp and clear.  The simplicity of telling about my Technicolor couple of days is easier said in outline form.....

• Seeing Red:  The BS I heard from the State of the Union Address and the false hope an out of touch president shoveling it to the masses.
• Seeing Red:  Dealing with an issue that my daughter had at school about a fellow classmate that is disruptive and destructive and the ignorance that is being used to somehow placate his behavior by the teacher.
• Seeing a pale shade of green:  Looking in the mirror at my curse of the muffin top and trying to find something that I can wear that hides my ugly little secret.
• Seeing a darker shade of green:  Getting jealous of others for so many different reasons.
• Seeing a bit of red again:  Getting frustrated because I hate putting myself out for the world to see and still get ignored. (it is only a slight shade because I should know better)
• Turning blue:  Waiting for that darn return call from the principal from the school.
• Feeling blue:  Lousy weather, lousy economy, and lousy sleep when you have a cold.
• A slight yellow streak:  Making the mad dash to get stuff done at home before the husband gets home so I can avoid a fight.
• A shade of pink:  Getting a compliment for a job well done, getting a compliment that I look nice, getting a compliment through being appreciated.

And coming soon......

The color of black:  Selling my soul at work to earn something for my paycheck.

Pretty amazing, huh?  Putting a color to a feeling makes for one colorful day.  Never figured that the think tank would hit this level of "odd".  Just the complexities of experiencing a day in the life of one person.  If I had to sum up my day to one color, it would have to be in the shade of....  mucky brown, I think.  Well after tomorrow's rainbow comes to the surface, it might be a shade of black (if you want to call that a color), since black on anything makes it...  black.

Makes me wonder....  What color would represent a moment of contentment?

Maybe, I need to broaden my spectrum of colors a bit.  Go out and seek new colors to my Technicolor Monster.  Maybe even stop mixing those colors together.  A rainbow is not one color, but many.  They blend and meld together into other pretty colors...  Oh, such a sight to see when it is seen.

May today be a rainbow of your color choices :)

Have a great day!

Finding inspiration....

Ever have one of those days you feel like doing absolutely nothing, but you know that you have things to do?

Finding that bit of inspiration is the thing we all need.  Like an artist needs a muse, we strive to find something... anything...  to give us the drive to keep moving, to keep creating, and even to accomplish what we need to accomplish.

Today, I seem to have misplaced my muse.  I have so many things running through my mind that I have become overwhelmed.  In my mind, I am hearing that inner voice screaming to have one... just one thought, idea, concept, or random wondering come forward and stake its claim for today's blog.  Yesterday's release was one perfect example of something stepping forward and running free.  Somehow, today, everything has melded into a murmur of thought.  A tidbit of something here, a tidbit of something there.  I just hate when the flow of conscious thought becomes blocked.  It is like having a lot to say, but not knowing where to start.

Being inspired to write something is one thing...  Finding the inspiration to fight a losing battle is another.  Combine the two and that is my day.  I see my list of things to accomplish getting longer.  Like a bottomless cup, I get up every day to try to find enjoyment in being that domestic goddess that I am.  Cooking, cleaning and laundry... oh my!  I can only imagine the feeling I am having to face this from day to day is just like being a dog.  Hopefully, my furry little friends do not take offense to my analogy.

Being a dog is probably a great thing.  You get to eat, sleep, be petted from time to time, bark when you want to and at those special times...  just stick your head out the window of the car and let the wind blow through your fur.  Those, I can see is being the great thing about being a dog.  Where my analogy is coming from is the choice in food.  Getting the same thing... day in and day out... no variety.  Yep, a dog gets excited about feeding time, but you can see the glimmer in their eye go to a dim glow when the same, dry kibble goes in that bowl.

That is like my day... that same thing over and over again.  Cook, clean, do the laundry, and at certain seasons like winter in Illinois... shoveling the snow.  Where is the excitement in that?  I don't travel (can't afford that), I am too much of a tomboy to go get my nails done (I am a hairdresser, so I can definitely do that myself if I really want my nails painted), and being a domestic goddess entails the same thing... day in and day out... I have lost that glowing glimmer and I only have that dim flicker left in my eyes.  As for the food I prepare?  Well, deal with a couple of really picky eaters and it is quite obvious we lack culinary finesse.

I wonder where a person who has so much to offer, to share and to create find their muse?  Sometimes, it is an event or experience I get blessed with that can stir those creative juices.  Other times, it just comes to me.  I just wonder why it is so inconsistent.  I guess being inconsistent is actually the only consistent thing going for me.  I just never know when the muse of mine decides to make an appearance.  Kind of makes a thrilling kind of ride, I guess.  I would just love to find that damn muse to get my butt up and finish my to do list in my house.  That, or solve the mystery of the missing fairies that do this stuff.  Nope, I not a princess... I am a goddess, so those wonderful forest creatures that help those like Snow White and Cinderella do not apply in my world.  Heck, my blog today is lacking finesse, but I did it.  Like it or not...  that is my thought process today...

Thanks for reading :)

Simple Suburban Wife.....

Hello folks!  Sorry I was late in blogging today.  I had to give myself a little more time to think this topic over.  Actually, it was between melding movie concepts like Back to the Future and Groundhog Day for getting those do-over's we so desperately wish we can have in life.  Well, it is a better choice compared what you would get if you blended two movies together to get a new movie idea.  You know, movie makers are running out of ideas and feel remakes are the way to go.  Could you just imagine mixing the movie Taps and the movie Stripes?  Imagine the synopsis to sell that load of entertainment?  "Military school meets Saturday Night Live"... "A must see"...  It is quite obvious that movie makers are scraping the bottom of the think tank these days.

Well, after last night's State of the Union Address fiasco, which I fell asleep after about 30 minutes of it, I took the time to do a little research via the mainstream media today.  It is not like I had to try real hard to hear about and get perspectives of the speech our current president made about the current state of affairs.  I think the falling asleep after 30 minutes of a glorified campaign speech is a record for me.  Apparently, my BS meter went into overdrive, knocking me completely out.

Here is the Simple Suburban Wife's take on all of this.....

Well, lets start off with the obvious.  We have a major economic crisis on our hands.  It really does not matter who started it, but we want an end to it.  Keep in mind that I did not vote for this man because I felt that regardless of how well he dressed, how well he can speak publicly, or even the "promises" he touted of "hope" and "change" that the United States so desperately needed, he just is not qualified for the job.  He was streamlined through the government levels from a lawyer/professor of law to a Senator and straight to being a president.  He never made a blip on the media scene as a senator.  He might actually be the first politician from Illinois that does not have a tarnished reputation and has not been sent to prison.  When he decided to run for President, a large mass of uneducated voters came forward and said very loudly that they wanted this man to run our country.  The snowball effect of every shoot from the hip decision he has made has this country in an uproar.  Sadly, there are quite a few that still believe that his "plans" for this great land will work, but seem to forget that this man really has zero clue about reality.

In his long winded speech to lift the spirits of the people that HE is to represent hit some sour notes in my way of thinking.  Apparently, we are on the rise!  The recession is just about over! We can stop worrying if we can afford to live in the grand old U S of A.  We made it!  REALLY?!?!?!  Apparently, with his nice high-paying job that consists of vacations at 5 star resorts paid by us, the taxpayers, the free room and board at the most prestigious mansion in America, a staff to cook and clean for them, a secret service to protect them from harm, and fame has really knocked this supposed hard working AMERICAN (no, I am not calling him African-American because he was not born in Africa) into some kind of la-la land where all he sees is unicorns and rainbows.  Just because he says we are in the clear does not necessarily make it true.  Come over to my house, Mr. President, and I can show you what your spending has done to my family.  You might actually see someone struggling for once.  Oh, can you being your staff over?  I am way too tired of cooking and cleaning and I would really love to have one of those fancy vacations that you get for FREE.  Maybe, you would like to pay for my insurance and cover the difference when my PPO refuses to cover everything.  How about give me a staff job that does absolutely NOTHING and cannot be justified as a real job, so I can get huge cost of living increases and a really nice retirement plan.  Hey!  While you are at it, could you give my daughter FREE education?  You know, that supposed $10,000 tax credit (or so you call that) for going to college for 4 years is really just a drop in the bucket of a peace offering.  I know it has been a while that you have been in college, but the cost for one semester is averaging  30-40K.  Hmmm.... 10K out of roughly a 160K education really is nothing in my book.

Don't get me started with your innovative idea to have America re-invent itself to become the next generation Sputnik.  Every one of you politicians seemed to forget that the USA was an innovator and manufacturer at one time.  Your greed, previous presidents greed,  and the greed of the major fortune 500 companies sent all that wonderful work overseas for cheap labor.  Looking to save a buck to overcharge in the end put us on the path to self destruction.  The actual promise that our food and water is safe to consume even scares me.  It looks like the FDA allows steroids, biochemistry and lack of competition create our fate of being a chemically enhanced population.  Farmers have sold their souls to the big wigs in order to even afford to exist, and even struggle to this day.  Going "green" is admirable, but I am not seeing you set the example in the people's house.  Get yourself an electric car and tell me if that has enough power to drive through winter snow in the Midwest.  The day you can make a decent 4WD vehicle that uses only renewable power, I will truly think that you are serious.

You mention "investing" in education, that education is the key to success.  Well, riddle me this, Batman, if you cannot afford a better education to get a job so you can waste our tax dollars on overpaid administrative personnel, then how can the dwindling middle class that graduated from high school with a degree in the school of hard knocks even get a job in the first place to afford a higher education?  We have too many teachers graduating college that cannot land a teaching job and schools that where the teachers have jobs are incapable of actually teaching overstuffed classrooms.  The day that one administrative exec that is in charge of a school district can get by with only one secretary will be the day that the education system is not bunk.

Please, oh please, Mr. President....  Think before making a statement that gives us answers to the current dilemmas.  Try to find where the waste is happening and get rid of it instead of creating false hope and a band-aid solution.  You wanted the small businesses to thrive, but managed to destroy the service industry.  Back in 2008 (the beginning of your term), you created the cash for clunkers program; get rid of your old car and buy a new one.  Well, that shoot from the hip plan almost closed my husband's automotive repair business.  New cars really do not need to be repaired.  If my husband can't be fixing cars, he cannot afford to have employees, he cannot keep the lights on at that garage.  He took a major pay cut in order to keep his lights on and keep the people that work for him... working.  That pay cut has caused some serious damage to our existence.  Buying food on borrowed money is not the American Dream, Mr. President.  I guess you never experienced that, sir.  Maybe you should get a real taste of dismay, then, only then you might take those rose colored glasses off and think of an attainable solution that helps everyone.

Oh, I could go on for hours and hours, but why?  I am so disappointed in where this country is and obviously, this simple suburban wife and mother has zero impact in the thinking of an out of touch famous president, the houses of government, and the big wigs of the corporate realm.  I guess that I should be easily convinced that all is well when obviously it is far from it.

So, if any of you out there have a spare pair of rose-colored glasses laying around, could you please lend me a pair?  I would just love to be in a stupidity induced haze so I don't see the other shoe drop.....

What if and the time machine.....

Everyone knows that we have choices in life.  To be or not to be; to act or remain passive; to turn left or to turn right.  Our choices are based on our feelings and beliefs.  We hope we made the right choices, but if we did not, we work that much harder to make it work.  It is all about moving forward in life.

Ever wonder if you made the right choices?  Would you want to take a trip back in time to see what could have been?  Would choosing against what you believed was the best choice, change who you are today?

I believe that every person in your life has a story about the "what if" factor.  Seeing what could have been your life seen through the eyes of who you are now is quite intriguing to me.  I have my serious doubts that the end result would be the same in your mind because it is the experiences that we have that shape us into who we are.  These experiences were chosen after changing your path, but if everything else in life remained the same, but one thing was different... maybe, just maybe you could get a desirable result?

I guess this blog is about something I read last night.  You see, since I started blogging, I was not sure if I had a raw talent for it and looked at some other blogs on the site I use for blogging.  There are a few fellow bloggers that I enjoy reading.  The first one is my friend, Steve.  He is a dear friend from my childhood and a Facebook friend that suggested for me to start blogging.  His writing style is raw thought; the release of thoughts regardless of what others think.  He's quirky and honest about himself.  I just love that!  Another blogger who goes by the blogger name of Suldog has a deeper approach that tells me that she can definitely write a novel.  Mixing character quirks from a time long ago into the here and now makes for an interesting read.  Then there is this one blogger that I started reading his blogs.  He goes with the title of "Simple Dude in a Complex World".  I just love his title because it definitely sets you up for some funny commentary, and who is not up for a good laugh, right?

Well, today's blog is my take on Simple Dude's blog yesterday.  What if you could go back in time and give yourself advice about what your life is going to be like; if you could go back in time to give your 20 year old some 30 or 40 year old knowledge.  If hindsight is 20/20, would you tell your clueless 20 year old self what you should do or choose to do?  Would you really want to change the course of your life?  He and I agree that life changes all the time.  The advice you gave your 20 year old self from your 40's will change once you get to your 50's and so on.  So the concept of telling your younger self to push harder or to ease up really is irrelevant because that one change will change everything.  The good and bad will change, the friends we attained would change, the experiences would have changed, thus who we are would change.

I do wonder, though, if changing one choice in life would have made an improvement or a setback.  I do believe that there are things that we wished we tried before making our choices.  You know, kind of like a 30-day trial before buying.  Yet again, it is irrelevant because life moves forward all the time.  I guess that is why I would think a time machine is in order.  The movie Back to the Future was a perfect example.  When Doc Brown gets shot at the beginning, Marty McFly goes back in time to warn his friend about his impending doom.  His existence in the past changes the future of all those around him.  Of course, in the movie, the choices are resulting in a plus instead of a minus, but there are no guarantees that will always happen.  At least, with unlimited use of a time machine, you can keep going back until you get it right, or what is right for you.

Would you take that chance if it was offered to you?  What would be your reason to do it?  Do you think you would be truly happier?  What are you willing to sacrifice and what are you willing to fight for to keep?

Of course, Simple Dude's spin was funnier on the subject, but it definitely made me wonder.  I guess that is why I see myself as more insightful than humorous in my writing.  Maybe a trip in a time machine would make my writing funnier... Probably not.  This is who I am and I am okay with that.

As for those "what if's" in life....  I like them just the way they are.  It gives my imagination something to do ;)

Have a great day :)

just a few annoyances today.....

Oh Mondays, how I feel so torn.  The weekends are much more fun than you, but the fact that I can get some peace and quiet on your day is so welcoming.  It is just so sad that you are the one day that I appear to have the shortest fuse on.  Maybe the forces that be can change so that I am not so short tempered at the following annoyances that I have experienced today.....

I appreciate that there are really good schools in my area for my daughter to learn, but could you PLEASE re-educate some of these parents on how to drive?  The drop off lane is just that.... a lane to drop off your child.  I see every day, the same people being completely clueless about the drop off lane concept.  I can only gather that dropping off means to sit and watch your child go into line and eventually go into the school to these people.  Regardless that they do this on a daily basis it seems that on Mondays, it is just that more annoying.

Another driving issue I see is the inability to realize that blocking access to getting out of the school parking lot does not make room for others to get their child to school.  I can see that there is such a mad rush to get the day going, but cutting people off, blocking the flow, and complete ignorance of others in the same general area is just a recipe for road rage from those that actually KNOW how to DRIVE.

Please, oh please let the forces that be get those damn cell phone talking lunatics off the road.  I am actually starting to really appreciate those "back in the day" moments when cell phones did not exist because I see more and more people that feel the need to reach out and talk to someone when they should be paying attention to the road.  I actually had to honk at some idiot at the light to stop reading their Twitter updates and GO because the light is not going to stay green forever.  It is quite obvious that they forget that there are others that need to get someplace, too.  I just hate being the one to tell them that.

Seeing the doctor is a real pain in the butt when you know that you have a sinus infection and just need a prescription to make it all better.  Those days of telling the doctor what you know is happening because of multiple experiences over many years is no longer acceptable.  You need to make an appointment, sit in a room with other sick people, look at old magazines in boredom, and wait to be called into a room for a whole 2 minutes with the nurse and a whole 2 minutes with the doctor.  All the while, you still wait in that darn room for at least 45 minutes between seeing the nurse and seeing the doctor.  I just wonder why it takes so long if there are only 3 rooms you are working out of.  3 rooms, 3 people, 2 minutes spent.  How does that become a 45 minute wait alone in a room?  Needless to say, after an hour and a half for that trip, I was told what I already knew and finally got the prescription I needed.  If they just wanted money, I could have just given them the $30.00 copay when I walked in the door, grabbed the prescription and left.  That would have saved me loads of time today.

As I was standing in line to get my prescription filled of antibiotics for my sinus infection, I actually can see that cell phones are more than just for emergencies.  Apparently, this one chick felt the need to call her BFF to tell her that she is standing in line at the pharmacy and that she was BORED.  REALLY?  Just having a quiet moment, waiting in line is so boring that you need to fill in those moments that you could be actually thinking about things, you decide to fill the silence with your babble about nothing?  Apparently, I lack the frivolity of wasting minutes.

Driving back home, I experience more bad drivers....

At least I finally made it home, unscathed.  Now, I can enjoy my peace and quiet.....

Scared to share.....

Good morning!  Today's blog is something I would probably not really want to talk about, but I need to explain myself.

Back in December, I was going through a phase, or I thought it was a phase.  I had emotional outbursts that I could not explain, but I definitely knew that I was not acting like my normal self.  I went and posted a question about stress and depression; if there was a connection.  Well, I can say that there is, but my situation... it was not.  Yep, I am stressed about keeping myself and my family above water financially, and yes I am depressed that the economy has squashed us financially.  Illinois politics is awful and yet again, the residents of this glorious state have to flip the bill.  Higher taxes, high unemployment rate, and everything becoming more expensive.  People are losing their jobs, some are losing their businesses, some have been taking pay cuts in order to keep their job, some are losing their homes, and everyone is losing their financial freedom.  Illinois is not alone, but since I live here, I am experiencing it with everyone I know.  President Obama's plan for Universal healthcare jump started an explosion of health insurance rates and premiums to skyrocket with less coverage offered.  It costs more to be insured and you get less covered by insurance.  To them, it is all about their bottom line and what is considered a liability.  Nowadays, I dread even seeing the doctor because if it is more than an office visit, it is going to cost me BIG TIME.  Well, needless to say, I took a big girl pill, faced my fears and saw the doctor.  I knew that I was taking the chance of getting my ear bent about going by my husband, but I did it.  I had to know.

This is where I feel a little uncomfortable talking about this, so please bear with me.  My life is less than perfect,  I am not as young as I was, I am not as thin as I was, I don't feel as pretty as I was, but I had a few constants that I relied upon to say that everything is just fine.  One is something that women experience every month.  If you skipped out of sex ed class in school, here is what I am talking about in three words...  woman's menstrual cycle.

I was darn proud that I was regular.  I could set my calendar by it.  The last time I was 'late', I was pregnant with my daughter.  Somehow, in my 40's (I am not afraid to say how old I am...  I may not like talking about it, but I am honest about my age.  My weight is another story), my regularity became compromised.  I was late and I had no clue why.  I should have figured out that my emotional instability back in December was just PMS, but what I experienced was PMS times 4.  I went to the doctor and they did some blood work to see what could possibly be the reason I was late.  They came to the conclusion that I need to take this pill called Provera to force my body to have it's cycle.  I really had no clue why, but I took this medication.  Within a few days, my PMS X 4 lessened down to nil, my cycle came and all is well.  What a relief.  I still wondered why this happened to me and asked the doctor to explain it to me.  Well, I never thought of myself as a bag of fireworks for the 4th of July, but that was his analogy.  Sometimes, you have fireworks that work, and there are times you have a 'dud' in the mix.  Little did I know, I had a dud happening in me.  The medicine was like a fire to make that dud finally go off.

Double edged sword, that pill was.  Since this happened during the holidays, and did not take the measures to fix this until well after the new year, I gained some serious weight.  In the matter of about a month, I had gained roughly 16 pounds.  What a way to see yourself go zonkers when you make a commitment to lose weight.  Between my body acting like a dud and the number one side effect of this darn pill is weight gain, I was doomed from the start.  Interesting thing.  I made a commitment to lose weight sensibly and to not get bent whenever I step on the scale.  Setbacks will happen, I just have to keep trying.  After seeing the scale go up, I remained calm.  Today, I stepped on the scale and was relieved to see that blasted number go down.  DOWN 8 POUNDS...  Whoop whoop!  I know that I was not going to blog about my weight loss commitment and the journey it entails, but today is the first day that I can have a sigh of relief and maybe I can get out of these darn sweat pants ;)

My emotions are in check, my body is functioning again, and I am ready to really look forward to better health.  Watch out world, I'm back and I am not afraid to live!  Now, I just have to wait to see the doctor's bill come in the mail... sigh.  I sure hope it is covered.....

Now I am confused.....

There are just some times I just don't get "my better half".  I happen to do a lot more than most wives I know when it comes to doing things.  I do get a "thanks" here and there, but there are times I just wonder if what I do is really taken for granted.

I guess the reason for sharing this is because I need to untangle my thought process and stop feeling like a martyr.  The past 2 days, we had some snow, some freezing rain, and then more snow.  Winter time in January is something that has become a tradition... LOUSY WEATHER.  Between the snow, the freezing rain/sleet, and the frigid temperatures, I knew it was going to be only a matter of time that I would get a cold.  So I was not surprised that this happened.  I usually try to not complain because getting a cold is a part of life.  I just try to work though being sick because things need to be done.  My husband works long hours and really does not need to deal with more stuff to do once he gets home.  I figured that I was being nice and helpful going that extra mile.  Apparently, my extra effort is no longer considered extra effort.

Every year, I do my best to handle shoveling the snow.  I cannot do it all the time if I have to go into work, but as long as I am at home, I shovel when it needs to be done.  There are times he helps me as well as there have been times I consider it being me helping him.  I figured we had an understanding...  I guess not.  This current round of snow, freezing rain and back to snow was the time that my cold had to appear.  Being soaked to the bone with freezing rain from shoveling slop should have been my sign to take it easy.  Well, I never listen to myself anyway and got sick.

I figured that if I give myself a little time to get psyched up to go out again the next day to do more shoveling, so I waited until the afternoon to do just that.  I guess I was wrong.  There was a ton of ice that I could not scrape off, so I resorted to using salt after removing what I could.  It is either he had a bad day at work, or he just assumes that I live to shovel snow with a cold, but I got my ear bent, yet again.  Money is tight.  Buying salt to melt the ice costs money.  I used the last of the salt we have and I mentioned that we need to get more.  That was his opening to tell me that I was trying to take the easy way out.  If I was to shovel early in the day, the sun should melt what is left over.  "We don't need salt, I have never needed to use salt", he says.  REALLY?  I recall plenty of times we needed salt because of ice that happens when it gets warm out for a bit then a major cold snap hits before what melted dried.  That is what January weather does... And February, too.  I guess that all these years that I have been doing the shoveling, he seems to forget about the times I actually salted, for the safety of others.  I just could not believe the nerve this man has to tell me that I should have been outside earlier to scrape the ice earlier.  I guess he did not notice the sniffling, sneezing and coughing that I was doing.  I guess, in his eyes, I am not allowed to get sick.  I can only guess that my nice deed of even doing it at all, was not good enough.  That just ticked me off!

After hearing his rant, I even apologized for my inability to ignore being sick and did not do what he apparently expects from me in the time frame that he wants.  Needless to say, I was blamed for having an attitude from doing that.  I just can't make this person happy.  I realized that no matter how hard I try to rectify the situation, I just can't.  What made me more confused is the fact that he still said, thank you for doing the shoveling after getting my ear bent.

Well, after that fiasco, we are expecting more snow in the next couple of days, then a cold snap with negative temperatures that do not include wind chill factors.  I get to do the shoveling again.  I just can't let my cold make me "lazy".

Of course, since I have been doing the shoveling, I was impressed that my back did not spasm.  That was until at 2:00 this morning.  I had a coughing fit that woke me up.  I go downstairs so I don't wake my other half and fall asleep in the recliner and before I could get remotely comfortable to sleep again... my back spasms.  I get to spend from 2am until 6am in pain, coughing and icing down my spine.  I got in about 4 hours of watching the late, late news.  Now, I have a full day of things to do because in my recent experience about waiting too long to shovel the ice and snow yesterday and the "talk" I got...  I am not allowed to rest up to get this cold under control.  I hate fighting, so I will again do what I can to avoid it.  Smile when I want to cry and work when I am not feeling well.  Maybe, I can avoid another talk tonight when he comes home.

The Facebook Connection.....

I really do not know why I am blogging about this, but the thought came into my mind this morning.

Ever have a moment that you wonder... what if?

I never really had one until I joined Facebook.  I never really fathomed reconnecting with old friends.  Secretly, I hoped I would.  After high school, I seemed to drop off the face of the Earth to my friends.  After getting my diploma, I hit the ground running and never looked back.  I figured that life was my oyster and I needed to seek out everything I could.  I made plenty of friends along the way, I had some interesting events happen in my life, and I became a work-a-holic.  I watched as my life changed course at least 6 times.  I was like that boat out in the ocean, just riding along the waves, never knowing which way I would go.  It was exciting, it was scary, and it was never predictable.  There were plenty of good times and just about as many sad times.

I guess everyone has a moment that brings them back to their roots and makes them wonder where they would be if they kept contact with people that helped shape your life.  I wondered if those friendships were strong enough to stand the test of time.  Well, I can say that the friends that I have prove to me that they can.  I love that :)

Reconnecting through Facebook is like a reunion every day.  Getting to know your friends again through much older eyes.  Seeing where they went after high school makes for interesting conversations.  I happen to have a few friends that I have known since birth.  These people are like family to me.  That kind of connection is hard to find and it is cherished to the core of my being.  I was never a clique' type of person.  I had friends from every group.  There were the stoners, the geeks, the jocks, the bookworms, the preppy ones, and the loners.  I was never one to conform to any of those groups.  People liked me for who I was.  That is all that mattered to me.

The ones from my past that had me so nervous were the ones that I had a relationship with, or could have had a relationship with.  Lets just call these...  The ones I loved and the ones that got away.  I dated a lot in high school.  I never made a big scene about it.  I was never one for gossip.  I just always wondered if a person could still be friends after breaking up, if a person you had a crush on could go back to friend level if the feelings were never returned.  Well, I can honestly say that even after all these years, I can still be friends with the ones who broke my heart and the ones I broke their heart.  I can have friendships with past crushes and have no regrets.

Do I wonder...what if?

Of course, I do.  I refuse to give names and I would not act upon them.  I believe that everyone has a moment, or two, that they wonder if things would be different if you did not pass up on what could have been.  If you stuck around long enough to see what would happen.  But life constantly moves forward, we tend to move along with the tide in that great big ocean of life.  I just happened to have an outboard motor on my boat and I moved faster along the tide back then ;)

Do I have any regrets?  Maybe a few, but I am happy where I am now.  I have a pretty fulfilling life.  I have my family, my friends, my job, and plenty of memories.  I cherish each and every one of them.

Feel the love, my friends...  Feel the love :)

Thank you Facebook for reminding me that there is a lot of lovely people in my life!!

Shoes.....

Good morning!  First thought that came to mind was the realization that my feet are still hurting from Saturday night.  How is that possible?  Well, it all starts with an old saying that my father told me when I was a kid...  "Somewhere in your life, you will realize that function is more important than fashion."  This discussion came about one day when I asked my dad why he only owns 2 pairs of shoes and my mom owned at least a dozen.  He was never a materialistic man.  Just having the basic necessities was just fine for him.  Well, except when it came to cameras, film and all the camera equipment that comes with it.  Weekends were not exactly all encompassed with tackling a "honey do" list.  There were weekends he would just love to go to the local camera store and find something cool to bring home.  I have went with him on quite a few trips to Wolf Camera and just seeing that glimmer in his eyes told me that this is his passion.  His job title was cameraman for a printing company.  He took concepts, photographed them, and created negatives that eventually became stamps for stamping items.  I can recall a couple of big accounts that they had...  General Electric and McDonalds.  I just thought it was interesting how they did put a stamp on a light bulb.  Needless to say, I thought my dad had the coolest job.  He had his own darkroom.  Just hanging out in there when I was a kid was like an adventure.  Man, I miss him so much!

Well back to that saying....  I am not one who wears heels all the time.  I prefer sensible shoes because I spend so much time on my feet.  My preferred choice of shoes are gym shoes.  There are times that I will wear heels (if the outfit requires it), but if I could get away with any flat shoe, I will lean towards wearing that. It was just one of those days I could not find anything to wear to work that was remotely comfortable that did not require heels.

So here I am.  Spending the day on my feet, on a hard and unforgiving floor, with heels on.  By the time my day was over, my feet hurt.  I took my shoes off to rest a bit once I get home.  I figured that I would find something comfortable to wear to go out in.  Well, my end result in choice of what to go out in to see friends required wearing heels again.  I figured since my feet were feeling a bit better, I should be just fine.  Boy, was I wrong!  Standing again on an unforgiving hard floor with heels on.  By the time I got home, I was hurting again.  "Oh, a good night's rest out of those shoes will make me feel better", or so I thought...HA!  I get out of bed, pounding hangover headache and my feet are screaming in pain.  I can't even think straight and I have to be back in my Sunday routine.

I have taken pride in proving my husband wrong.  I was told, quite a long time ago, that when I go out with friends to a bar, I become completely useless.  All I want to do is sleep.  Family time suffers when I get a hangover.  Apparently, HE has a system that he can be completely functional the day after "tying one on".  To me... that is a challenge I feel compelled to face.  I learned that I can be a really good actress.  Deep down, I may be suffering, but on the outside, I am a functioning cog in society.  I take my Advil, have a little breakfast, drink a load of fluids and I am fine by.....  Bed time ;)  I just push myself to act like I am just fine and dandy.  So far, I gather it is working because I have not heard a complaint from my husband about being a hungover lump of flesh... ;)

I was just a little disappointed that my feet hurt so bad yesterday...  all day.  I guess this experience has become a "note to self" moment.  When wearing heels all day, avoid wearing heels at night.  So what if the shoes look awful with the outfit.  Be the tomboy you always have been, Nancy.....  Be like your dad.  Wear sensible shoes all the time.  My dad wore gym shoes to my wedding and I had no complaints.  In fact, I should have been wearing gym shoes to my wedding, too.  Then I would not be complaining about how my feet hurt.

Sorry about complaining today.  Today, my feet are getting back to normal and not hurting as much... that is just wonderful to me :)

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Friends....

Last night I went out to see some of my friends.  Even one of those friends, I have not actually seen in over 20 years.  

I always find it interesting that real friends are capable of picking up where they left off.  Reunions are just seamless events.  Maybe even feeling like we never lost touch years ago.  It could be that the friends we choose in life are just extensions of who we really are.  There always remains a connection regardless of the number of years we lost touch.  Just remembering the experiences we all have with our friends brings a gleam in your eye, a smile on your face, and a sense of comfort in your surroundings.  Suddenly, time and age mean absolutely nothing.  We become kids again just because we can.  I just love that about my friends.

Really great friends are like a fine wine.  We seem to get better with age.  We may have mellowed a bit, but given the chance, we can act like kids again.  We just tend to be a little more brazen.  You live your life once... make it count.  It could be that we all have been there and done that and is not afraid to do it again.  I even appreciate the honesty that I hear from my friends.  They definitely know how to tell it like it is.

Last night was one for the memory bank.  I had a great time.  If laughter is the best medicine, then I got the healthiest dose of that last night.  I seem to get a pretty healthy dose each time I see my friends and that is awesome!  I would not have it any other way :)  If given the chance to re-experience last night, I would.  I just would opt to wear gym shoes instead of heels, and I should have taken some Tylenol before going to bed.  Hangovers and sore feet are not my thing ;)

MAN, I need a nap... again.....

Hugs and kisses to all my friends (you know who you are and you are appreciated)...

cya!

Lowering your expectations......

Everyone has a predetermined set of expectations in every aspect of life.  We truly only want the best.  We all want to be thin, beautiful, rich, happy, loved, and more.  We know what we want, we try to get what we want and we rarely ever settle for less.  Sadly, we set ourselves up for failure.  Being pleasantly surprised is a rare thing.

How would you feel if everything was perfect, all the time?  Think about it... Visualize it...  Sounds nice, huh?

I just wonder if everything was perfect all the time, life would be quite boring...  painfully predictable.

In the religious respect, it has been said that God only gives you what you need.  There is no need for anything else.  I have to say, I have my doubts.  I have a long list of things I need, but I know I am not going to just have it land in my lap.  I actually have to put in some effort.  I think I know how to get where I want to be, but there is always some level of expectation that needs to happen.  Otherwise, it is not exactly what I want, when I want it. That is just a recipe for disappointment.  Maybe that is why I always seem to fall short....  In the grand spectrum of it all...  It is not really a need, but a want.

Today was just one of those days that I think I hit my limit with a piece of electronics that was not even mine. I bought a mp3 player for my husband for his birthday.  It was probably one of his favorite gifts because it really is something just for him.  Snowblowers, shop vacs, and tools are nice, but anyone can lay claim to use them.  This mp3 player was set up with his favorite music...  his personal mark of claim.  Seeing him crank that thing up with the headphones on, smiling, tapping his foot to the music is something that makes me smile.  He is happy and in retrospect, I don't have to see my walls shake with the stereo cranked for all to hear of music I really am not in the mood for.  How many times do I need to hear Rainbow In The Dark by Ronnie James Dio?  I like Eric Clapton, but do I really need to hear Bell Bottom Blues at an ear shattering level?  So, his gift is a gift to me and my ears ;)

For the first 2 weeks of owning this thing, my husband had issues.  Damn thing locked up whenever it felt like it.  I get to hear the whining that it is not working right and get it handed to me to fix it.  My husband has mastered the perfect level of whining that makes me jump up and do whatever it takes to get him to shut up.  Even when I am not feeling up to doing anything.  I spent plenty of time, in fact, multiple times fixing this damn thing.... Reformatting, reinstalling the firmware, reinstalling his music.....  I hit my limit last night and decided to contact the manufacturer again about finding a solution.  After them figuring out that I have exhausted every possible solution, they tell me that the unit is probably defective.... REALLY?  I am not a rocket scientist and I knew that.  I get the authorization to return the unit and get a replacement.  Hoping that the next one is not defective, I go back to the store where I bought this thing.  Great customer service there.  Completely painless to exchange for a new unit.  In fact, they gave me a better version (more memory) and did not charge me the difference.  I walk in thinking I am getting the same thing again and was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED with something BETTER!  Good thing I did not set my expectations too high, huh?

I guess we need to lower our expectations from time to time.  Get that pleasant surprise once in a while.  Even with lowered expectations, we can still be disappointed, but not as much as of we had raised the bar.  In my experience today...  If I was to get a match to what we had model-wise, I would be pleased with the fact that this one is not defective.  I just got lucky that this one is actually an upgrade and is working like a champ... for now.  Just going to keep the expectations low this time....  Less disappointment potential :)

Just a mystery to me.....

So many things have been running through my head lately.  Earlier this week, I went to the doctor because I had questions.  Their way of getting to an answer is to take some blood and wait.  I gather being a doctor is one interesting ride.  Getting to know so many people through various tests.  What is on the surface does not mean that is who you are.  There is so much to learn and it can be so different from one person to another.  What makes us the same can make us so different.

I started blogging as a mental release of things that I just can't seem to talk about really well.  Apparently, I can write about it just fine.  Stress from daily events can make a person so random in how they act.  Getting relief from something that anyone can do is so simple, so basic, so.....  primal.

Some things cannot be easily explained away.  We have to seek out answers to our questions.  It is all in the learning process.  It is usually not a matter of changing the past, but to be better informed in the future.  Learning is taking chances.  Telling a person that the flame on the stove is hot, sometimes is just not enough.  We need to make mistakes from our choices to learn from them.  Then there are times we seek answers from others.  The human body is a complex thing.  We can feel things, but cannot figure out why we feel them.  The answers are not available from outside forces.  These are internal things we deal with.

Not too long ago, I was feeling.... off.  You know, not what is just normal complacency.  Getting older can create ailments you never really thought about in your younger years.  You are not afraid of getting older, but you never really embrace that things will change without your consent.  It might be the onset of wrinkles, those few stray gray hairs, or even aches and pains from worn out joints.  I consider myself pretty in-tune to who I am.  I have dialed the volume up to pay better attention to how I am feeling.  It is getting answers to things that I am experiencing, but possibly nobody else experiences.  Let's call this.... The call of nature.

Since not feeling really me, in the physical sense, for about a month, I took it upon myself to get some blood work done.  Well, today I got the results.  Everything is wonderful.  Every test result is in the normal range (not sure what normal is these days), but there is no signs of anything to be concerned of.  Well, except the fact that I have lost the regularity that I pride myself on.  Since I know I am not experiencing menopause, I am missing the one thing I dread monthly and have been feeling just sick to my stomach.  "Here is a prescription to help you with that, we are calling it in to the pharmacy and you can pick this up later today", said the doctor.  WOW!  Felt a little lost from that comment, because I really do not know why I am taking this pill.  Well, I do, but I don't.  It seems that doctors have the answers, but cannot explain them in a way that I could really understand.  It is kind of like telling someone to take 2 aspirin because you have a headache.  Okay....  I understand that I have a headache, but WHY do I have a headache?  Is explaining why things happen too hard?  They at least figured what is wrong, but can't tell me why it happened.  I guess that some things need to remain a mystery.  At least I am feeling a bit better that it is nothing serious.

So what!

2-4 inches of snow has been predicted and I knew I would be the one shoveling....  sigh.  I figured since snow shoveling is something I really do not mind doing; it is good exercise and it reminds me of my younger days shoveling snow in the neighborhood to earn extra cash.  Sadly, I don't get paid for shoveling my own driveway and sidewalk.

As the snow falls down, I see my neighbors out with their snow blowers, some even hire out to have their driveways plowed, and there is me....  I got my boots on, my winter puffy coat, my trusty red snow shovel and an mp3 player.  Some people collect stamps, some collect coins, I have my collection of snow shovels.  Call me nutty, but there is a certain level of satisfaction in shoveling snow.  We have 2 snow blowers and I know how to use them, but they never get the driveway as clean as I like, so I shovel.  If the snow is too heavy, I might use the snow blower and then follow up with one of my trusty shovels.

I just need to be in my happy place and all in the world seems right.  Listening to music makes everything easier to do.  I can't go to the gym without my iPod, I have the radio or the stereo cranked in my house when I clean, and just the sound of music in the background at work makes the day go by faster.  I know I can go without music playing.  There are times I like the quiet.

Well, as I plod along shoveling snow, I am listening to a compilation of music from the 70's, 80's, and 90's.  Most songs I like, some I love.  I just did not realize how much I love songs from the 70's.  Such sugary sweet lyrics describing such simpler times, some are just befuddling ramblings from drugged out singers/songwriters.  I come across a set of songs that just seemed to move me today.  One was Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Suede.  The beginning with that "ooga-chuck-a" chant just makes me giggle.  Next thing I know, I am dancing and singing along to the song very loudly.  I did not realize that my neighbors with their loud snow blowers noticed me dancing and shoveling.  Apparently, I get quite animated when I am in the zone.  All it took was for them to turn off their snow blowers to hear my rendition of that song.  I even paused to use my shovel as a microphone from time to time.  They were all getting a real good laugh at my expense, but you know what?  I did not care.  I was having fun!!

I guess my point of today's blog is finding that "so what" attitude.  Life cannot always be contained happiness. Grown ups are allowed to be silly.  To sing and dance just because you want to and not care who is watching.  I know that my back will be reminding me that I am no spring chicken, but for a moment, I was a kid again and it felt great!!

Have a glorious day and be sure to make some time to just act like a silly kid again.  So what if people will look at you funny, it is because they are jealous that you are not afraid to let loose :)

Music and Emotion.....

Have you ever noticed that what you listen to and like ties in with your emotional state when it comes to music?

Think about it....  There are so many genres of music ; Rock, pop, techno, punk, country, Christian, classical...  the list goes on.  Every song out there brings out an emotion and a memory.  What we gravitate towards musically is our sub-conscious telling us how we are feeling or the desire to remember moments in our lives.

What song did you play over and over again as a teen when your heart was broken?  What song did you absolutely love to listen to because it reminded you of your true love, but suddenly hated when the romance ended?  What song did you listen to when you needed a little self-confidence booster when you felt weak?

Our lives consist of ups and downs ; highs and lows. and everything in between.  Maybe you never noticed that music plays a role in who we are, but if you really think about it, it does.  This just proves that art can move a person and it does not need to be a painting ;)

The young hopeful times as a teen in love would pick a song that was to be "their song".  The stories that songs bring, created by the artists that performed them always had a poignant attachment to how you were feeling or what you were experiencing.  Sometimes, it was not the words, but the beat, the melody, the awesome squeal of the guitar.

I consider myself to be quite a fan of music.  I love it all.  I consider myself a person that does not pick a song for the purpose of being "our song" when in a relationship, but I do recall plenty of mood altering upbeat confidence boosting jams being a large part of my life.  Looking back, I even recall those sappy, sad, and remorseful break up songs.  You know what I mean....  The songs where the words must have been ripped from my head and my heart that was added to music.  I was amazed at how the songwriters knew me so well.

Even on my wedding day, the song my husband and I danced to was not one of those "our song" kind-of choices.  It was Beautiful Tonight by Eric Clapton.  Just a classic song about love, but it really was not about "us" (I don't have long, blonde hair, and I never really knew what my husband thought when he looked at me), we just chose the song because we both liked it.  To us, getting married was not about the song we danced to, but to making a commitment to be together for the long haul.  I honestly don't think we have an "our song".  How sad is that?

I guess the whole idea for this tidbit to think about is really the tie that music has to our psyche.

I can only imagine my attraction to play the song Corner Bar by Uncle Kracker is my way of soothing the frustration that I have feeling raped by the government by the increase in taxes and the economic struggles we all are facing.  Well, it can be that or I just want a beer ;)

Well, off to experience the day.

Have a wonderful day everyone!  Turn up the radio and see where the music takes you....

Thanks for reading... cya!

For love.....

The things we do for love....  Great song from the group 10cc.  Such a light and airy tune about what a person would do and feel just for love...  As the refrain goes....  Like walking in the rain and the snow when there is nowhere to go and you're feeling like a part of you is dying, and you're looking for the answer in her eyes...  I doubt that I have ever wandered in the rain and the snow just to see if everything is going to be okay in a relationship, but I have no doubt that we do things that would not be considered "normal" in the eyes of your friends and family.  People change.  It is obvious, but you never notice it....  Your friends and family do.  That is what love does to a person.

I like to call this the rose colored glasses syndrome.  Believe me, it is a wonderful thing to experience, but in the mix of it all we tend to lose sight of some pretty important things.  It can be those little red flags on things you never deemed to be a potential problem, or it can be about who you are as a person to your friends and family.  You know, the ones that pick you up when you fall, who are the strong shoulder to cry on, the rock of stability we all need....  Those people.  Love encompasses every aspect of life because it is such a strong emotion.  We desire to be loved, we yearn to give love.  There is no greater thing than what love can offer a person in their life.  We have no control on love.  It can twist, turn and tweak into something that can be painful.  That is why that one song "love hurts" is so true.  The one thing that we hold in such high regard, that feels so wonderful, can hurt you.

Sometimes, love can make you lose sight of who you are as a person.  Your priorities change.  You put yourself out there willingly with no concern about getting hurt.  That kind of love makes you different.  I know all about that kind of love.  That level of love happened 11 years ago and I have no intention of changing it.  You see, 11 years ago, I became a mother.  My daughter is the greatest gift in my life, but the biggest challenge.  She is part of me and I am part of her.  I just wondered if I was that much of a challenge to my mother when I was a child.  Probably not, but back then, I was quite stubborn too.  I just never fathomed the words that my mother told me would be so true...  "I am your mother and I would take a bullet for you, I would stake my life to keep you safe, I would starve in order to feed you, I would give you the world of it was there for the taking, and the reason why I would do this is because I love you".  It is all about sacrifices for the love of another.  Things you want no longer are important as long as they have a need.  Pretty deep stuff, huh?

In the journey that we call life, we sometimes forget who we are for the sake of another.  Being a mother does that to a person.  It is just interesting that when we lose who we are, we suddenly want to find it?  I am interested in finding the old me and tapping back into my inner awesome, but I want to do this with balance.  I want a mix of the old me with all that awesomeness that I possess, but rarely tap into, and the current me that has made sacrifices that I never thought I was capable of.  I guess it is about discovering who I really am.

Love thy self and all will become clear.  I just need to learn to love myself again.  I have the loving others thing down perfectly :)

Thankful moments.....

Just last night, I met up with some friends and heard something I never expected to hear and I am thankful for that.

There are moments in life that it seems that the hustle and bustle of it all makes it real easy to not notice that what you do is appreciated.  It is usually something that you never thought was a bid deal, but in the grand scheme of things it really makes a difference.  Maybe you held a door open for a person, maybe you let a person cut in line at the checkout at the grocery store, maybe you picked up something that someone dropped.  It is something that we really do not think is that extraordinary, but common.

How about doing something for yourself that gets appreciated by others?

I started blogging about a month ago.  It was suggested that blogging will set me free from the frustrations and stresses of life.  To share what I am thinking and maybe get to know myself a little better in the process.  I did not think that people would actually take the time to read my random ramblings, but I secretly hoped they did.  I wanted to be able to share a thought process and maybe see what people think about those things, too.  

Life is a journey.  Every day is a new chapter in the story of your life.  It can be as short as a sentence, and it can be as long as you choose to make it be.  Experiences and thought processes make us intriguing.  Hardships are challenges to make us stronger.  The most complex thing in your life is easier to solve if you process it in parts.  Grab onto one stray thread and unravel.  I am quite surprised at pulling that one stray thread can create so many things that I learned, yet never applied to future experiences... until now.

Old dogs can learn new tricks if they are willing to do the legwork to learn.  Some of the things I learned helped me change some things I can only guess was a major pain in the eyes of my friends.  I am just so thankful that they like me enough to tolerate me and my quirky ways.  

I just never expected to get such wonderful feedback about my blog posts.  Knowing that people actually enjoy reading what I have to say is an honor and I appreciate that.  I have to admit, the feedback and comments I heard last night from some of my friends really brought out the humble person in me.  For that I am so thankful that they are in my life.  

Thank you for reading.....

The lesser of two evils.....

Ever wonder if you are making the right choice?  I am not talking about which type of toilet paper to buy, or which company to choose for car insurance, but diving into that great unknown facing something bigger.

I see commercials about medications that are supposed to help a person with whatever ailment they have.  The idea is nice, but taking a pill is something that sounds way too risky.  Especially when you here what the potential side effects are possibly sometimes worse than the condition it treats.  Disclaimers and warnings do demand attention.  You never know if you are the one that can die from a simple, little pill.

We are a chemical enhanced generation.  Simple things like the foods we eat are genetically altered.  Either to be able to produce more for the masses, to speed up or slow down it's growth cycle, and even to enhance the taste.  Everything we eat, breathe, drink and bathe in is all enhanced or altered.  There are some things that are making the comeback to the tried and true and it is called organic.  Taking pride that organic foods are the closest thing to as nature intended them to be.  The cost is higher to buy organic, but the desire to be more natural is there.

The life expectancy of people is higher, but at a cost.  Medications to treat and possibly cure.  Medications that help people be the "healthiest" that they can be.  It makes me wonder if these medications are the things that counteract what our enhanced foods do to us, or is it really the best way to fight the ailments that were the cause of the mortality rate being so low in the past....  Kind of like the ying-yang effect....  One balances out the other.  Supplements and vitamins taking the place of actual nutrition because what we have been consuming in order to live has been lessened by chemical enhancements.  Makes me wonder, how about you?

Well, then there is this other thing that has been on my mind lately.  Will our dependency on chemicals ever go away?  I am guessing not.

Not that long ago, I realized that stress can cause a load of things...  It is different in each person.  Stress can be from external events that become internalized.  Our bodies are so complex, doctors and scientists are learning every day something new.  New ailments, new tests, new treatments.

Some people find relief from stress without the need for pills.  It is in an activity that can be the cathartic release.  Might be exercising, might be blogging, might be just talking to another person.... no pills required.  What if the stress a person is feeling is because of changes within themselves and not from an external force?

I have to admit that blogging has been my release.  I can get my point across of what I am thinking.  Blogging is like dental floss for the brain.  Something to clear out those little tidbits of thoughts and feelings so a person can get it out and move forward.  It is nice that something so simple with no side effects can do so much.

Here is where my thought process becomes torn.  Blogging is a wonderful release for me, but there is something that is happening to me that is not under my control....  Getting older.  We all get older' from the moment we are born until the time we die, we are getting older.  It is not such a bad thing, it is what mortality and nature is all about.  I am just scared of what lies ahead.  Some call it "the change", for women, it is called menopause.  I am no spring chicken and I never claimed that I was, but once you turn 40, the inevitable is getting closer.  I noticed some changes this past couple of weeks that makes me wonder if I am one that is entering that phase in my life.  I made an appointment to see the doctor to see where I am when it comes to the change.  Something like this has been noted that there are stages a woman goes through and I am wondering if I am entering those stages.  Knowing is half the battle, so I am taking that first step in knowing and getting the blood work done.

I just wonder, if I know and it is required to take a pill to make this stage in life easier, will I take it?

Finding the inner AWESOME.....

Holy COW!  Blogging twice in one day?!?!?!  Yep!  I just felt I needed to get this one out.  If I sit and stew things over, it will lose it's meaning when I over think it.....

What is "inner awesome", you ask?  Inner awesome is what sets you apart from the pack.  The thing that makes you desirable or interesting to another person.  Single people are always in their inner awesome mode.  Married people tend to slip out of that mode and go to their comfort zone.  Really, who do they need to impress?  There are times that we tap into that awesomeness when we are applying for a job, but where I am going with this is totally different.

Ever wonder what others see in you?

Is it your looks?
Is it your personality?
Is it your sense of humor?
Or is it something so deep, that it is hard to describe?

I felt really curious what attracted people to me.  I figured that I would go to the person that I married.

Did you know that asking someone a question about what they think of you causes a stammer in their words? You know, that "um... uh... well..." that we all know too well.  It is kind of like that commercial for Twix candy bars... "Need a moment? Grab a Twix.".  Well, life just does not have a candy bar there every time you are at a loss for words, so we get that "uh... um... well...".

Knowing that my husband is not the type to talk about feelings, especially mushy ones, I had a wonderful internal giggle watching him squirm ;)

Somewhere in my life, I either lost who I am, or never knew myself all that well.  I became complacent in who I appear to be.  I know what I like and what I don't, but I always wondered if there is more to the person I see in the mirror.  I believe that there is way more about me than meets the eye, but I just never tap into it.  I have no doubt that others feel the same.  It is just a mystery I do not hear about being solved.  People are complex.  Maybe Shrek has it right when he told Donkey... "Ogres are like onions.  We have layers".  What is on top is what we see, but if you peel back a layer, you see something different.  It is a matter of peeling back the layers and see what you have.

I guess that is why I am on the search to find my inner awesome.  I feel the need to peel a layer and see what I find about myself; to see where I differ from the pack.

Needless to say, my husband stammered and stalled and then changed the conversation.  I never got my answer.  Oh well, I guess I need to keep trying.....

Walking the tightrope.....

Good morning folks!  Yep!  I changed my blog header from "Nancy's Thoughts", to "Mental Floss....  A collection of rants and discoveries in the journey of life.".  Besides the name change, I changed the look.  It was all just for fun, but I am happy with the end result.  The reason I chose to change is because this blog is more than just what I think (which it has a lot of my thought in it), but it is my cathartic release of those pesky little tidbits of things that are trapped in my brain.  Kind of like getting food stuck between your teeth.  It is totally annoying and you need to use dental floss to get it out.  I hope you enjoy the new format, the new look and what should become an interesting journey through my eyes.....

Well, yesterday the clouds parted and the angels sang when my ah-ha moment of something that has been so obvious for so long finally got it's recognition....  There are men, there are women, and there are the mutts (aka tomboys).

Wait!  I just had a wonder moment.....  If girls that relate more to boys and have tendencies to be less than what a girly-girl is are called tomboys...  What do they call guys that relate more to girls and have fashion sense like girls?  And scratch the thought that they are gay.  They like girls, okay?  I wonder what name they get?  Are they Renaissance Men?  Now, I am really curious to know...

Okay, getting back to the thought of the day and the next lesson to achieve.....  Figuring what a person expects in a conversation.  Do they really want to vent or do they want opinion?  I am calling this bit of interest :the tightrope effect.

Think about it....  There is a really fine line that makes one thing into two.  It is like choosing sides in a debate. The pros and cons of a conversation.  Talking can be a breezy fun event or a down-right drag-down battle.  It is all in how you participate.  Well, the breezy fun thing is a bit far fetched, but you get my drift, right?

There are times I can spot-on when talking to a person and all goes really well, but there are times I get my wires crossed and make a complete disaster.  Yesterday was a perfect example and I got to experience it twice and saw an actual result...  How cool is that?  Here are my results....

Conversation #1:  Went into fix-it mode and got the level of misunderstanding that created a verbal smack down....  Bad move.

Conversation #2:  Bit my tongue, waited to listen to everything, nodded in agreement, looked surprised or shocked when needed, took a full minute to assess the situation and realized that it was not a fix-it talk.  The vent session went really well and it was over as fast as ripping off a band-aid.....  Success!

Helping factor between the two?  Laugh if you must, but it was selective hearing.  Every guy has this talent and so do I.  It is like being locked in on the football game and someone decided to talk about making plans for the day.  You know you are going to be quizzed once the commercials are on, but you have enough information that makes it sound like you were listening.  Actually, you were multi-tasking ;)

Now, selective hearing might have saved my butt this time, but I need to hone in on my balancing abilities.  Walking that tightrope and getting the 4-1-1 if I need to be in "fix-it mode" or not.  Find the inner chick and just listen...  Not selectively listen, but really listen.  Ask questions and let the ride begin.

Gotta fly, more things to experience today and maybe talk about tomorrow.

cya!

The tomboy in me.....

Growing up, I was not one for playing with dolls and dressing up like a princess.  I would intentionally get my dresses dirty so I would not have to wear them.  My choice of clothing was (and still is) jeans and a shirt with comfy shoes.  Getting dirty while playing was just my way of really getting into the game.  I played sports, I watch sports, I even scream at the TV when I watch sports (not as much as complete fanatics, but I sure do hold my own if I feel strong enough about it).  I was (and still am) a quintessential definition of a tomboy, but there are days I do tend to lean a little more on being a girl.  It is who I am and I have embraced that.

I just need to dial my "dude-'tude" back a little.

Yesterday, I was talking with my other half and did not realize (until it was too late) that I went into "fix-it mode".

Men and women think completely differently and that is just fine.  It makes things interesting and also challenging.  Seeing a different point of view is refreshing to me.  I just seem to have the ability to understand a bit more than I need to.  Men, when it comes to conversations with women, have only two things.  They are either in "fix-it mode" or WTF mode.  Let me elaborate just a bit.....

When a woman wants to talk to a man, chances are it is just talk.  Women talk to communicate.  It can be about their hopes and dreams, it can be about their feelings at that moment, it can be about really anything.  Venting frustrations or talking about their feelings is the number one thing women talk about.  We are great listeners, but admit it boys... we love to talk.  When a man is on the receiving end of a conversation, he really is not interested in the story.  He wants her to get to the point.  Is he to fix the problem or is he to defend his actions....  Men are usually not that emotional and do not deal with emotions really well, so crying, getting clingy or being pissed all the time makes a man run. I am like that way too.

Don't get me wrong, there are some men that are exceptions to the rule.  They tend to be more receptive to women and their idiosyncrasies.  They are a rare breed, but they are out there.  Men being really interested in what a woman has to say is commonplace in the start of a relationship.  I call it their "bank account for romance".  At the start of relationships, men (and women) transform themselves into wheat they think the other person wants in a relationship.  Once the account has been spent, you become who you really are and either you deal and move forward or you don't and break up.  In a perfect world, this should not happen, but it does.

Well, when it comes to women that are tomboys, like me, we have this strange ability to have the thought process of both a dude and a chick.  We are easy to get along with, we are laid back, we understand more points of view and even can adjust to more circumstances.  We can be your best bud and we can be your best gal pal in one package.  Sadly, our thought process changes a lot.  One minute, we can be a chick, a total girl with the thought and communication process.  The next minute, we can have the dude-tude about it all... Go into fix-it mode and really want you to get to the point.

That is where I seem to have my wires crossed.  I recently learned that men love to vent, too.  They actually want to let their frustrations out and be done with it, no fixing needed.  Yesterday, my other half decided to go into vent mode about work and I went into fix-it mode.  Lets say, that conversation did not go well.  Fortunately, I held onto my dude-tude and not let it get me bent and hold a grudge.  Everything smoothed over on it's own.  Crisis averted.

I guess what I wanted to share is that when it comes to talking to people, asking one simple question or starting your conversation with clear intent is the best medicine.  If I would have asked my other half if his rant is just a vent or a plea for my help or opinion, communicating things can be that much easier.  Then I would not get the new status of being called a ball breaker.

That's it for today.

Thanks for reading.

Have a great day!!

Emotional Hurdles......

Waking up this morning to the start of things getting back to normal should be a joyous event for me.  My husband is back to work, my daughter is back to school and I get some peace and quiet.  I decided to start mapping out my starting point for my commitment to a healthier weight.  I know, I know....  I was not going to blog about every aspect of this journey I am taking.  I am not... really.  Just my thought process is what I am doing.  I am not going to share when I went to the gym, what I ate (unless I found something absolutely wonderful about it), or anything about pounds lost or pounds gained.

Emotional hurdles; The thought process that makes what you thought was going to be easy into something that  is impossible to face.  It could be about anything that can make a person stop in their tracks, turn and run in the other direction.  Fear of failure from fact.

Since it is the new year, people get that gung-ho feeling about achieving what they are set out to do.  Some see it through, others lose the oomph and give up.  It all comes down to the strong facing their emotional hurdles and being rational about it.  I figured that if I was rational, I can face this with hope that I can do anything.  I no longer want to be that weak person that quits when the challenge is too big.

Well, I decided that the start of any journey begins with a starting point.  Mine was to step on the scale.  I now know that was a poor choice to gauge my success.  After seeing the number on the scale, my feelings became unreasonable.  I think it is in every woman's DNA that we want to portray the models in the magazines and we have zero patience to really get there reasonably.  We know that the pictures are touched up and nobody is really that perfect....  Well, unless you are a Victoria's Secret model.  All I have to say about that is.... They have to be robots, cyborgs or some form of alien being to look that good.  Maybe they are plastic surgery freaks and I just don't have the money to be surgically enhanced.  Either way, it is not possible to be that perfect if you are me.  I need to embrace the fact that I cannot be that perfect, but I can be better than what I am now.  In the housing market, I am considered a fixer-upper, a handyman's special ;)

I guess the whole point of this blog is that I need to remain focused and stop being so hard on myself.  After seeing the number on the scale, I became quite mad at myself and internally started screaming, "how in the hell did you let yourself go this bad?!?!"  I sure do have a fire under my tush to lose the weight, but I know that this is the gung-ho, flash in the pan determination that will and up having me quit before this new year is up.  I have a tendency to go overboard with the diet and exercise and not get any results.  My body loves to hold onto fat when I go into diet mode because I am starving my metabolism.  I know where I go wrong, but how to overcome the emotional hurdle that sets me up for failure is a challenge that no therapist, no group session, no pep talk can get me through it.  I have those damn blinders on and nothing is going to get me to reason with myself....  or is this realization a first step in overcoming the first of many emotional hurdles that lay ahead?  Maybe there is hope?

I am not perfect....  I am a work in progress :)

Work and effort is not meant to be easy....  Life is a challenge... Just do it ;)

Every day is a gift... That is why they call it "the present".

We do not live in a "one size fits all" kind of world.

Beauty comes from within...

Have a great day everyone :)
cya!

I am off to battle my emotional hurdle of the day!!!

Makes me wonder.....

Gee, where to start...  This is the second day into the new year and I have an attitude already? 

It is either I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or I have been living a lie for so long that I am about to go wacky on my family.

I realized that I should be called Cinderella because that is what I am in my house.  I just do not have a fairy Godmother or help from those talented forest creatures, but the story sounds like mine.  I do all the cooking, cleaning and maintenance of the family "castle".  I do it all alone and I get no appreciation for it.

I made breakfast this morning, like I always do on Sundays.  As I am feverishly working in the kitchen, my husband is in the recliner watching TV, my daughter is laying on the couch doing the same.  Apparently, offering to make breakfast for me once in a while is totally out of the question.  I brush off the bad vibes I am feeling about always doing the cooking and I continue making breakfast for everyone.

Then I start wondering.....  Is my family actually able to survive long after I die?  Really, I do everything for them.  I am thankful that they can wipe their own butts, wash and dress themselves, but basically I do everything else.  They can't cook, they don't clean, and they have zero clue how to grocery shop.

Maybe I think about them first too much.  I mean, if I am willing to do this for them then why bother doing for themselves, right?  There have been times that I just don't want to do anything.  Does not matter if it is by choice or if I am really sick, but there are times I don't want to be the caterer to the masses.  Maybe that is selfish on by part, but damn it I should be entitled.  They still refuse to do for themselves or even do for me once in a while.  I can be knocking on death's door with a nasty cold and I still get demanded to make them breakfast, lunch or dinner. I get attitude when I ask for help.  I am Cinderella!!

I just wonder if I completely shut down and refuse to do anything for longer than a day (you know, being sick is no excuse to not keep cleaning and cooking in their book), would they figure it out that they are perfectly capable to do for themselves?  Instead of whining that they are running out of socks as I lay in bed sick, that they actually do a load of laundry?  Maybe, if I play my cards right, they might actually take life by the reigns and do something for me without being asked?  Oh, what a wonderful life it would be if there was actual teamwork in my house.  

I know that I am not the only wife/mother on the block that has a husband and child or children that thinks the same way as I do, but I needed to vent.  I just never figured the secret to getting others to do your bidding without sounding like a nagging b i t c h.  I missed that seminar somewhere in my life and have not found another class offered.  Oh well, work with what I got and hope for the best.

Have a great day everyone :)

cya!!