Oh, to feel loved is something that everyone strives for. Really, what is love? We all know that it is an emotion that surpasses all other feelings two people can share. When a person finally finds love, we tend to feel invincible to the challenges of life. It is what people believe that endures everything and never falters.
I have been married for almost 14 years and I wonder where that young love has gone. I can state with complete honesty that I do love my husband, but it is no longer the type of love that I had in the early years of our marriage. Probably because even though love endures, the intensity does fade. I remember going through what people call "the red tape" of classes that Catholics go through in order to get married in a church setting. In young love, two that become one is such a wonderful concept, but the Catholic faith does try to forewarn you that there will be challenges that you will face along your journey called marriage. While money and other outside forces test the strength of a commitment, there are points that never become considered. I call this... change in perceptions. Communication is key in sharing thoughts, feelings, desires, and goals. Young love has no problems with communication. Little do people know, it is when young love matures things become difficult. Communication becomes less, sharing becomes strained, and the concept of what love is changes.
I had to learn this the hard way. What I felt was so important in a relationship really means nothing once time changes a person. All of those little things you felt that you can live without become a major problem in growth from young love to mature love. The time frame for love to mature does not exist. You can be with a person for 20 years and maturity will still not be there, or you can be with someone for 6 months and have maturity hit you like a brick wall. It is all in how two people connect. While I like to see myself as "young at heart", I tend to find myself unhappy quite a bit. I have become sensitive to my environment and weak in my composure to dealing. I am not sure how this happened, but I am really quick at finding excuses. A big excuse that I have been hanging onto is expectations without verbalization. I just cannot find the words to share my feelings without sounding crass, rude, or demanding. As I have searched deep within my soul to find a way to express myself, to be heard, to be understood, or to even justify why I feel this way... I feel like I have hit a brick wall too high and too strong to overcome. While the thought of going around such obstacles seems far easier than to overcome, I know that any sense of accomplishment would be destroyed and in the end makes me a weak person, or guilt-ridden.
But how does one accomplish something that is impossible? When two become one through marriage, how is it even remotely possible to feel detached? Easy.... It is acceptance in the face of need. Accepting that feeling that you cannot be heard, accepting that your significant other lost focus on your needs, accepting a role that has been placed upon you and dealing with less interest in who you are. While perceptions vary from person to person, nobody can seem to expand their focus on the whole picture. When one component of a whole thing is the main focus, it is far easier to let things, albeit what you feel is insignificant in your eyes, become very significant in another's and cause a rift between the two. Another way of explaining it is what role a person takes in a union... Caregiver or provider, is very possible to feel not understood of your sacrifices you do on your own compared to what both actually do when they are melded together. Being told that your sacrifices of being the provider are not appreciated once money has been spent, or telling someone that you have given all that you can in caring for an unappreciative family unit... Two separate components never melding into one. This can cause for separate thinking into only wanting to do what makes you happy and never considering the other person, thus creating a rift that may not be repairable.
When communication breaks down, appreciation diminishes and the desire to seek out what you feel is lacking becomes almost consuming. No longer feeling that young love really hurts. What mature love offers is companionship and nothing else. Romance is gone. While love still exists, it is... different. Not exactly what you figured it would be or all that you hoped for. It almost feels more like an obligation compared to something offered freely. In fact, it feels similar to detachment of deep connection. All it takes is for something scary to make you realize that even though mature love lacks the feeling of young love, you still have a connection that cannot be denied, but you still hope for better anyway. Now only if both people realize this at the same time, there is a distinct possibility that what was feeling less than sufficient can become adequate or more. I just wonder when that would happen in my life to see if it works because something is putting a major damper on growth in my marriage. I do love my husband, I strive for more from our commitment to each other, but I feel as if my earlier desire for someone that was not all clingy or sappy in the romance department could be the reason why I feel I need more and his desire to not see it. Maybe that is where love seems to be so elusive to attain.... The expectations of growth.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Why can't I understand him?
As I shake my head and sigh in a giggling sort of way this morning, I can only call this my, "I am confused" state of mind phase. Here is why... I think....
As I become informed that DD is going to be in a 2-ball tournament tonight that DH cannot make it to, I was asked to video her performance (I am not sure what 2-ball is, but I was told that it is like basketball. I guess I will understand what this is after tonight's game). While this is a reasonable request by DH, I find it amazing that after fighting endlessly over letting me get a video camera and the lack of usage an investment like that would be, he seems so appreciative of something he fought so hard to not let me get one which I did with money I saved from my tip money at work. While the idea was to get it months earlier because of DD's black light chorus performance last year and to have it early enough for when I thought she would have pushed for getting her black belt test done to record it, I did manage to get it on my own. Since she is still dragging her heels at getting her black belt, I can honestly say that I am now ready for it.
Now, as I have managed to have some pretty good ideas lately, I see that DH refuses to see things my way, but does manage to appreciate them after the fact, but never admits that I am right. What is that all about? Is this just another level of that "I win, you lose" game that I still seem to lack talent in playing? I swear, it is like a major mind game when it comes to him. I am not a mind reader, but somehow, he seems to think I can read his.
Why is it so hard for someone to admit they are wrong? Why is it so hard to say "thank you" when someone plans ahead? I just don't get it.... I get the feeling like I am not worthy of being appreciated because of some DNA factor that believes that women are not to be heard or appreciated for what they do. Is it possible that in DH's youth, his parents presented this as what normal is? Did DH's father show lack of respect to the woman he married because she took on the role of caregiver for their children? I know that DH respects me, but not at the level of respect that encompasses appreciation for all that I do for him and our family? Maybe it is not respect, but acknowledgement that I am smart enough to solve problems or potential future issues? While I understand the basic needs he has, we still cannot seem to connect at a level where we are actually equals. I wonder if being remotely intelligent scares him. If he wanted to marry a moron, well, he married the wrong girl. Maybe my curiosity makes him uncomfortable. I would never know because HE NEVER TELLS ME ANYTHING!
I mean, I am not asking too much if I ask for a little appreciation or acknowledgement for my efforts. I admit I get some, but it is so obvious it is just to appease me when I reach the end of my rope with him. The "thanks for making dinner", is so played out, I am starting to believe that this is just over-rehearsed fodder to fill the silence when he is home. I should know... Asking how his day went has become less of actual curiosity as opposed to feeling that I am appeasing him by showing interest in something I rarely think about. He works.... It does not require a tinker tape parade every time he comes home? No, but I manage to make it feel like one anyway with dinner done and the channel changed to something he likes to watch.
The only time he feels compelled to share anything is when I manage to do something that rubs him the wrong way. Here are a few examples.... spending money on anything that does not benefit only him or DD, not getting all the laundry done when he is need of socks, and making something that consists of anything he does not like to eat (extra example: having mushrooms, spinach, zucchini, mayo, mustard or any undesirable foods prepared in a recipe). Even when I went into protest mode for cleaning up after DD and DH, he eventually did have a whine session that the house was getting messy. One time he went into crazed mode over a pen not being where he last placed it and if I did not get a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom early enough because the current one was low.
I have never thought that I married a control freak, but I did manage to learn that there are various levels of control freak. There are some that feel compelled to control your life and there are ones that have no interest in controlling your life, but have major control issues with their own environment. I dated a control freak that felt compelled to control my life and ran as fast as I could from that relationship. I just never considered the other form of control freak when I married DH. How could have I known? He was so laid-back, I swear, I thought I needed a stick to poke him to see if he was alive at times. Perpetually late for just about everything had me on edge on our wedding day. I had to enlist all of the groomsmen to help guarantee that he would make it to the church on time. No wonder why I had my first panic attack on my wedding day...
Heck, he is far from romantic and I do not recall a compliment on how nice I looked that day. I wore a dress willingly and I hate dresses. All I can say is that I felt I married my best friend that day and that is all that mattered to me. He made me feel comfortable, he made me laugh, and he loves me. Little did I know that my tomboy tendencies could not figure that once I was wooed, everything eventually goes back to being friends. I do have to admit, when he does do something for me without being asked... my heart does melt just a little. I just wonder why he cannot be consistent.
That is just a mystery that is never meant to be solved, I guess....
Thanks for reading and have a great day!!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Dreams...
A dream is a wish your heart makes, a nightmare is a test of strength...
Interesting thing... dreams. I could honestly do without the chances of having a nightmare, but everything is a 50/50 chance. I just wonder what you do when a dream creates feelings once you wake up. My curiosity has gotten the best of me today.
While I cannot muster the strength to tell you what my dream was about, I can share some examples of dreams that can either mirror or share some similarity to what I have been dreaming lately with the feelings that manage to make its appearance after I wake up. I know, I know... total bummer I am not going to put names or faces to my dreams, but these are my dreams and nothing less, right?
Lets say... You had a recent run-in with an old friend. For the sake of bringing a more poignant factor to this... an old flame. Both are considered "off the market". You know, in a committed relationship with another. One person musters the courage to explore some old feelings and kisses the other. Yes, kind of like the short story I made a while back. Now, in this dream, you accept this minute tryst because in real life, you really desire to be wanted because your current situation actually feels less than a sappy romance novel and wake up with feelings that can either make you feel more confident about yourself, curious if that could really happen, or guilty that you had that kind of dream. Well, could this be considered a dream or a threshold to a nightmare? It depends upon how you take it, right? It is just thought during sleep and no real action is taken.
How about this one... You recently had a deep heart to heart talk with an old friend from years ago that you could only see as being a really good friend, but later find out that they had a huge crush on you. In fact, after hearing about how this person desired you for years, and still does, but respects that you have a life with someone else gives you a sense of having a real life stalker. In reality, you know that this person is harmless and in no way local to where you live, but end up having a dream that you are still being watched by this person. Is this a dream because you believe that they only want to protect you, a nightmare because the word stalker is something people would rather not have in their lives, or is this your subconscious warning you that not everyone is as they appear to be?
Here is another one.... In real life, you are doing everything you can to make your current relationship situation work, but know that life offers no guarantees. You end up having a dream that shows you that being alone is a distinct possibility. Even after death you notice that your choices in life for the sake of a relationship makes you forgotten by the people you believed were your friends when nobody comes to your funeral. Nightmare or subconscious sign that you need to put more people first? Embellishing just a bit more on this one.... How about the thought of death? Does the spirit remain until after the goodbyes from friends and family? Does the spirit remain to see who shows up to your funeral? Does the spirit hear what people say about you that they could never say to your face? Does the spirit see the pain those left behind endure? Does your passing really make an impact on those that know you? Do you, the entity that hovers over the living, take an assessment of who you were as a person by the people that show up to your funeral to know if you were truly loved or not? I mean, you are dead... there is nothing you can do to change your end result, but if you could... would you?
While some dreams can be just wacky or completely inconceivable, we do have some that manage to affect us well after we are awake. Is this the muse in our lives to wonder a little more? To question more? To change who we are just a little more? To change our thought process more? To believe there is something better better waiting for you? Could our dreams and nightmares be learning tools for after we are awake? Is it possibly something that predicts our future? Is it something that tests the waters? Or is it our minds playing out feelings we could never consider acting out? Fortunately, dreams and nightmares are just thoughts during sleep and are not reality. Those things did not really happen, but we do happen to have the ability to react to them nonetheless.
So this dream I had last night is still ringing in my head. I still wonder, I still feel something about it, and it does make me have the desire to just ask this person one worded question..... "Why?"... but I won't.
Have a great day and thanks for reading :)
Interesting thing... dreams. I could honestly do without the chances of having a nightmare, but everything is a 50/50 chance. I just wonder what you do when a dream creates feelings once you wake up. My curiosity has gotten the best of me today.
While I cannot muster the strength to tell you what my dream was about, I can share some examples of dreams that can either mirror or share some similarity to what I have been dreaming lately with the feelings that manage to make its appearance after I wake up. I know, I know... total bummer I am not going to put names or faces to my dreams, but these are my dreams and nothing less, right?
Lets say... You had a recent run-in with an old friend. For the sake of bringing a more poignant factor to this... an old flame. Both are considered "off the market". You know, in a committed relationship with another. One person musters the courage to explore some old feelings and kisses the other. Yes, kind of like the short story I made a while back. Now, in this dream, you accept this minute tryst because in real life, you really desire to be wanted because your current situation actually feels less than a sappy romance novel and wake up with feelings that can either make you feel more confident about yourself, curious if that could really happen, or guilty that you had that kind of dream. Well, could this be considered a dream or a threshold to a nightmare? It depends upon how you take it, right? It is just thought during sleep and no real action is taken.
How about this one... You recently had a deep heart to heart talk with an old friend from years ago that you could only see as being a really good friend, but later find out that they had a huge crush on you. In fact, after hearing about how this person desired you for years, and still does, but respects that you have a life with someone else gives you a sense of having a real life stalker. In reality, you know that this person is harmless and in no way local to where you live, but end up having a dream that you are still being watched by this person. Is this a dream because you believe that they only want to protect you, a nightmare because the word stalker is something people would rather not have in their lives, or is this your subconscious warning you that not everyone is as they appear to be?
Here is another one.... In real life, you are doing everything you can to make your current relationship situation work, but know that life offers no guarantees. You end up having a dream that shows you that being alone is a distinct possibility. Even after death you notice that your choices in life for the sake of a relationship makes you forgotten by the people you believed were your friends when nobody comes to your funeral. Nightmare or subconscious sign that you need to put more people first? Embellishing just a bit more on this one.... How about the thought of death? Does the spirit remain until after the goodbyes from friends and family? Does the spirit remain to see who shows up to your funeral? Does the spirit hear what people say about you that they could never say to your face? Does the spirit see the pain those left behind endure? Does your passing really make an impact on those that know you? Do you, the entity that hovers over the living, take an assessment of who you were as a person by the people that show up to your funeral to know if you were truly loved or not? I mean, you are dead... there is nothing you can do to change your end result, but if you could... would you?
While some dreams can be just wacky or completely inconceivable, we do have some that manage to affect us well after we are awake. Is this the muse in our lives to wonder a little more? To question more? To change who we are just a little more? To change our thought process more? To believe there is something better better waiting for you? Could our dreams and nightmares be learning tools for after we are awake? Is it possibly something that predicts our future? Is it something that tests the waters? Or is it our minds playing out feelings we could never consider acting out? Fortunately, dreams and nightmares are just thoughts during sleep and are not reality. Those things did not really happen, but we do happen to have the ability to react to them nonetheless.
So this dream I had last night is still ringing in my head. I still wonder, I still feel something about it, and it does make me have the desire to just ask this person one worded question..... "Why?"... but I won't.
Have a great day and thanks for reading :)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Question answered....
Ever notice that just about on every comedy-driven show that has a husband and wife in it, the wife is so into taking ballroom dancing lessons or going to a play or opera? Apparently, TV writers have been using that bit for quite a while. Nowadays, it is far less, but it does manage to sneak its way back in there from time to time. It made me wonder why women would think that this stuff is considered fun. I know that I have tomboy tendencies and would rather go to a truck rally or a car show, but in the grand scheme of things, it made me wonder where a woman would get an idea like this. While going to a play might be fun for some, I just cannot find the excitement. Opera or ballroom dancing looks like a total snore fest to me. If DH asked me to go to any of those things, I have no doubt that I was being punished for something or his desire of self-punishment needed a buddy to share the experience with because he has zero interest in things like that. DH is a very basic guy... Give him a beer, pizza, and some good friends. That is the recipe for a good time to him.
While I see things the same as him, I have noticed that my desire to do something.... better yet... anything, has placed me in the position of a typical woman. I started getting interested in things I know that DH would absolutely hate. Lucky for him, it is things that do not require his presence. I would not mind taking an art class or a beading class. Maybe join a book club or take a refresher course on sewing. Even taking a cooking class would sound fun.
I wondered why the sudden interest in things like this and the answer came as bright as a light bulb that indicates an idea or "ah ha" moment.... Women get the desire to do something different because they are living the snore fest that their significant other feels is "good enough entertainment". Lets see a man do the same crap day in and day out because they feel it is far more important to make someone happy (and not necessarily yourself). Yes, I see that men toil at their daily job and that, in essence, is like doing the same thing every day, but women do that and more. While my domestic duties has me biting at the bit to run away and never return, I accommodate my husband's desire to do absolutely nothing when he is home. My goodness! I just don't think I can take another episode of his handful of shows on TV every time he is home. All it has been is reruns or the story line is so blah that even new episodes seem to feel like reruns. He prefers to watch only a handful of movies and even though they are classics... after the 30th or 40th time watching them... they do get a little old and boring. Believe me, when you can just about recite the movie from beginning to end... it is time to move onto something else. Even the concept of food has become repeat performances after repeat performances. His picky palate now resembles a "food jag" that children go through. And just to think that it took me almost 3 years to get DD off her hot dog kick... I figured I could handle mundane food choices, but with DH's selection.... I think I might just go mad!!
So there you have it, folks.... If you are in a committed relationship and your significant other is biting at the bit to do something you see as a punishment.... Take the time to reassess what you see going on. If there is no variety, you better figure a new spin on something different that you can tolerate or go back and do something you have not done in years that was remotely fun. That, or suck it up, man, and just do as you are asked. An idle mind is a terrible thing.
Lucky for DH, all it took for me to get some new air in my stagnant life was to buy a new grill pan and try a new recipe this week. Crisis averted, but still bobbing near the surface. I wonder if he can ease up on the budget a bit and let me sign up for Zumba, Yoga, cooking class or art class.... Well, off to do more laundry...
Thanks for reading and have a great day!!
While I see things the same as him, I have noticed that my desire to do something.... better yet... anything, has placed me in the position of a typical woman. I started getting interested in things I know that DH would absolutely hate. Lucky for him, it is things that do not require his presence. I would not mind taking an art class or a beading class. Maybe join a book club or take a refresher course on sewing. Even taking a cooking class would sound fun.
I wondered why the sudden interest in things like this and the answer came as bright as a light bulb that indicates an idea or "ah ha" moment.... Women get the desire to do something different because they are living the snore fest that their significant other feels is "good enough entertainment". Lets see a man do the same crap day in and day out because they feel it is far more important to make someone happy (and not necessarily yourself). Yes, I see that men toil at their daily job and that, in essence, is like doing the same thing every day, but women do that and more. While my domestic duties has me biting at the bit to run away and never return, I accommodate my husband's desire to do absolutely nothing when he is home. My goodness! I just don't think I can take another episode of his handful of shows on TV every time he is home. All it has been is reruns or the story line is so blah that even new episodes seem to feel like reruns. He prefers to watch only a handful of movies and even though they are classics... after the 30th or 40th time watching them... they do get a little old and boring. Believe me, when you can just about recite the movie from beginning to end... it is time to move onto something else. Even the concept of food has become repeat performances after repeat performances. His picky palate now resembles a "food jag" that children go through. And just to think that it took me almost 3 years to get DD off her hot dog kick... I figured I could handle mundane food choices, but with DH's selection.... I think I might just go mad!!
So there you have it, folks.... If you are in a committed relationship and your significant other is biting at the bit to do something you see as a punishment.... Take the time to reassess what you see going on. If there is no variety, you better figure a new spin on something different that you can tolerate or go back and do something you have not done in years that was remotely fun. That, or suck it up, man, and just do as you are asked. An idle mind is a terrible thing.
Lucky for DH, all it took for me to get some new air in my stagnant life was to buy a new grill pan and try a new recipe this week. Crisis averted, but still bobbing near the surface. I wonder if he can ease up on the budget a bit and let me sign up for Zumba, Yoga, cooking class or art class.... Well, off to do more laundry...
Thanks for reading and have a great day!!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Chasing the same tail...
Ever feel that life is too predictable and routine? Kind of like being a dog that chases it's tail? I know I feel that way. I have come to the conclusion that my life is a routine. I like to see myself as an explorer compared to a thrill seeker. I would never jump from a plane for fun, tie a bungee chord and leap from a tall bridge, or go swimming with the sharks to break this mundane cycle that we call "life". Just being somewhere with something to do is what I like. It can be as simple as going to a museum, the zoo, or even a bar. While being at these places can become quite droll after a while, it does hold some form of entertainment because there are people around. I guess you can call me a social explorer of sorts. I just find it so comical that I have a family that is so tightly wound that they cannot see the fun life can have when it comes to our "family time". Between DH with his job that occupies him during the week, DD with school, and my part time job that consumes my Saturdays... we get really only one day (Sunday) to enjoy each others company. Sadly, both DH and DD do not have the social explorer gene in them. Well, not when it consists having the family involved. On their own, they are perfectly capable of having fun with other people. I would have just hoped that they could consider their family as potential fun.
I swear, Sundays are the longest day of my week. We spend that day together, but it is just routine and predictable. Make breakfast, make the grocery list for the week, and do the shopping. That is not the trio of a fun filled day for me. They even have the lack of motivation to help put the groceries away or wash the morning dishes. That has become my routine... cook, clean and put away. DH watches the marathon of reruns of a handful of shows that are capable of boring a person to sleep (which he does throughout the day), DD disappears into her room and has at least 2 forms of electronic entertainment (her mp3 player and her laptop) going, and I get to return back to what I do all the time.... cook, clean and put away things. DH with his routine of who, what, where, when and how he does things even sets me into snore mode. His demands for what he likes is so intense that I believe that he has tunnel vision. His recent bitching over the new location of our grocery store not having his choice in nuts made me lose my patience with him for the rest of the day. Apparently, his tunnel vision over where the pen is that he uses to pay the bills sets him into a tirade if it is not where he placed it. The moans and sighs of disgust and frustration are like sandpaper on my last nerve. Once he is appeased, then at least I get to relax because I am the only one to fix his broken routine apparently. The endless nitpicking over minuscule details is setting me on the edge of doing something stupid. What I need done takes weeks to get done. He finally finished fixing the washing machine yesterday. Nice to know he prolonged that repair. Now I am so far behind on laundry that it is gonna take me a solid week to catch up when it usually took me only one day. I can only gather that his interest in finally fixing the washing machine is because of my stubbornness in not washing any of his clothes until it is fixed and he is running out of clean socks. Well, he can wait now. I do whites last and if it is gonna take me a week... well plan on getting clean socks by the weekend...LOL. Sucks to wait, right?
While I try to be on the weight watchers lifestyle, I have refused to track anything because we eat the same stuff every week. Mr. Tunnel Vision and Little Miss Routine (both picky eaters) cannot look through a cookbook and get a new idea for me that they will agree upon as something new. Our budget is in place and toying with that would offer change that DH cannot embrace. Believe me, I have a small library of cookbooks that offer variety to the droll and mundane menu that they prefer, but as long as I can avoid yet another complaint that there is something different in our lives... I will work with what I have to work with. Kind-of like an artist that is required to make the same artwork over and over again because of demand. I am just too tired to try anymore. If they want to see the world in only one color, they can have that.... As for me.... It is Monday and they are not here. This is my chance to go and do something different just for me and me alone. I love it when I have the opportunity to no longer chase the same tail.
On a side note: I did try to play along with the bantering game that DH and DD play that drives me on the brink of insanity. All it did was make DH feel left out. As I played, he sat quietly and said that he was there just for the ride and did not participate. Talk about not embracing change. I guess there has to be a grownup in this mix and he thinks it should be me...... How sad is that?
Now, off to my weekly weigh in.... sigh.
Have a great day and thanks for reading :)
I swear, Sundays are the longest day of my week. We spend that day together, but it is just routine and predictable. Make breakfast, make the grocery list for the week, and do the shopping. That is not the trio of a fun filled day for me. They even have the lack of motivation to help put the groceries away or wash the morning dishes. That has become my routine... cook, clean and put away. DH watches the marathon of reruns of a handful of shows that are capable of boring a person to sleep (which he does throughout the day), DD disappears into her room and has at least 2 forms of electronic entertainment (her mp3 player and her laptop) going, and I get to return back to what I do all the time.... cook, clean and put away things. DH with his routine of who, what, where, when and how he does things even sets me into snore mode. His demands for what he likes is so intense that I believe that he has tunnel vision. His recent bitching over the new location of our grocery store not having his choice in nuts made me lose my patience with him for the rest of the day. Apparently, his tunnel vision over where the pen is that he uses to pay the bills sets him into a tirade if it is not where he placed it. The moans and sighs of disgust and frustration are like sandpaper on my last nerve. Once he is appeased, then at least I get to relax because I am the only one to fix his broken routine apparently. The endless nitpicking over minuscule details is setting me on the edge of doing something stupid. What I need done takes weeks to get done. He finally finished fixing the washing machine yesterday. Nice to know he prolonged that repair. Now I am so far behind on laundry that it is gonna take me a solid week to catch up when it usually took me only one day. I can only gather that his interest in finally fixing the washing machine is because of my stubbornness in not washing any of his clothes until it is fixed and he is running out of clean socks. Well, he can wait now. I do whites last and if it is gonna take me a week... well plan on getting clean socks by the weekend...LOL. Sucks to wait, right?
While I try to be on the weight watchers lifestyle, I have refused to track anything because we eat the same stuff every week. Mr. Tunnel Vision and Little Miss Routine (both picky eaters) cannot look through a cookbook and get a new idea for me that they will agree upon as something new. Our budget is in place and toying with that would offer change that DH cannot embrace. Believe me, I have a small library of cookbooks that offer variety to the droll and mundane menu that they prefer, but as long as I can avoid yet another complaint that there is something different in our lives... I will work with what I have to work with. Kind-of like an artist that is required to make the same artwork over and over again because of demand. I am just too tired to try anymore. If they want to see the world in only one color, they can have that.... As for me.... It is Monday and they are not here. This is my chance to go and do something different just for me and me alone. I love it when I have the opportunity to no longer chase the same tail.
On a side note: I did try to play along with the bantering game that DH and DD play that drives me on the brink of insanity. All it did was make DH feel left out. As I played, he sat quietly and said that he was there just for the ride and did not participate. Talk about not embracing change. I guess there has to be a grownup in this mix and he thinks it should be me...... How sad is that?
Now, off to my weekly weigh in.... sigh.
Have a great day and thanks for reading :)
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Losing my cool.....
The past few days has been frustrating, to say the least. While I do my best to accept that there are people that lack the brain power to think before acting, I think I have lost my last nerve and fear that I will become the one who treats the next moron like a person potty training a puppy. You know, be stern with my words and show them their shortcomings. While people that have trained puppies can attest to that when a pup has an accident without showing any sign that they need to go outside, they put that pups nose to the mess and then take them outside. Regardless of how many newspapers you lay out, the end result is never always what you wanted. With a little persistence, even a dog can learn... so why not people is what I am thinking....
Monday is not my favorite day, but for a person that actually needs a break from all of that "family time" from the weekend... I accept it just fine. "Family time" is best described as 3 people in one house with nothing to do and nowhere to go, except the weekly shopping trip. Little trips to the zoo, a museum, or even window shopping at the mall are no longer considered. Quite boring, if you ask me, but with the budget being pulled so tight that the strings are about to break off... optional extra curricular events are denied once it has been mentioned. Well, Monday morning, I proceed to take my heel-dragging daughter to school, I experience gridlock from bad drivers dropping off their kids. Actually, I believe that they feel entitled to sit and watch their child go line up in a drop off zone. Not exactly doing the required action, but there are parents that really have nothing better to do or anywhere pertinent to go to. While, trying to turn a corner and keep moving, I witness a woman in full road rage (flailing her arms and screaming) at the car directly in front of her. The posted speed limit for a school zone is 20mph and the car in front of her is doing just that. She was in a rush and did not seem to care about the rules of the road or posted speed limit signs. As she tailgates this person, I feel my frustration rise. I hate being tailgated as much as seeing others get tailgated. It makes my skin crawl at the potential of an accident by just tapping the brakes. While I was secretly hoping that this would happen so I could give little miss road rage a piece of my mind. I even imagined how I would do it, given the chance to really let loose my feelings... Grabbing her by the back of her head and smacking her face on the posted speed limit sign was what I think a moron needs to snap out of their entitlement phase that refuses to follow the rules. All the while, I would have a smile on my face because a smile makes it look like I was being nice about it, right? As I think that fortunately or sadly for this woman, nothing happened and I never got the opportunity to be brutal with a smile on my face.
Tuesday comes along. Seeing this as a new day, I did my best to let go my frustration from the day before. A grocery store that our family goes to every week just opened a new location that is closer to my home. While we do not shop on a weekday, I was curious if this new store had the same layout as the one we have been going to and went there just to take a peek. While there was mass chaos in the lot and store, I was keeping my frustration levels quite low. Well, that is, until it was time to leave. Yet another clueless person felt compelled or entitled to slowly saunter down the middle of the aisle of the parking lot with her cart with an air about her that says she was in her own little world and that the other people trying to drive past her did not exist. A loud sigh came from my lips and my little pressure cooker valve that keeps my frustrations at a livable level started to release a little steam that I had building up. I had complete restraint from actually doing anything, but could not hold back saying something about what I thought of her inconsiderate act. I am not sure she heard my comment about her IQ lacking common sense and that she is not the only one in the parking lot to actually consider walking along the side instead of the middle, but my window was open and I did speak loudly so who knows.... she might have heard me. At least I did not get out of my truck to do anything about it.
Wednesday comes along. The day seemed to go quite smooth. I had to take DD and another child to their taekwondo class that evening. The mother of the other child decided to drop her child off at my house because she could not be in two places at once since her other child had basketball practice or a game at the same time. As this other child talks constantly, I turn on my selective hearing and manage to entertain DD and this child until we had to leave. Seemed to go well and thought that the wave of morons was over, but it was not. After bringing DD home from her class (the other child had his parents coming to get him), having dinner and such, DD had the taste for something sweet. Well, so did I, and since we do not have sweet stuff in the house besides fruit, we ventured out to the local 7-11. As we enter the parking lot, there is a vehicle that did not want to actually park in one space, but parked across 3 spaces. Right in front of the door to 7-11. It was not a delivery vehicle, just a van with a woman putting on her makeup while her friend ran in to get something. Now, if there are lines that mark where cars are to park, a normal and considerate person would park between the lines... not across them in the opposite direction. Either this woman was a complete moron and got her license from a cereal box or she just felt entitled to believe that she is the only person on this planet to do as she wishes, her action was considered illegal, but in the sense of the law... parking lots are private property and are not ticketed unless the business owner files a complaint. Obviously that was not going to happen. As I hold back my frustration yet again, I park my truck and venture into the store with DD. At the same time, the passenger to that vehicle saunters out of 7-11 and gets into the vehicle. As I look over, the two of them are smiling and giggling. My desire to wipe the smiles off their faces was intense. I took a deep breath, mumbled some choice words and went about my business. Getting home went smoothly and refused to leave the house again until this morning.
So far, after taking DD to school, there has been no incidents, but I did see a really cute dog standing next to their owner with a leash in its mouth as if it is asking for a real walk while the owner watched her child cross the street. I think I need to keep that memory of the cute dog with its leash in its mouth. Made me smile during the marathon of morons parade I have had for the past few days... Here is to hoping that train of stupidity passes and I can pat myself on my back for showing restraint in the face of stupidity.
Thanks for reading.... Have a great day!!
Monday is not my favorite day, but for a person that actually needs a break from all of that "family time" from the weekend... I accept it just fine. "Family time" is best described as 3 people in one house with nothing to do and nowhere to go, except the weekly shopping trip. Little trips to the zoo, a museum, or even window shopping at the mall are no longer considered. Quite boring, if you ask me, but with the budget being pulled so tight that the strings are about to break off... optional extra curricular events are denied once it has been mentioned. Well, Monday morning, I proceed to take my heel-dragging daughter to school, I experience gridlock from bad drivers dropping off their kids. Actually, I believe that they feel entitled to sit and watch their child go line up in a drop off zone. Not exactly doing the required action, but there are parents that really have nothing better to do or anywhere pertinent to go to. While, trying to turn a corner and keep moving, I witness a woman in full road rage (flailing her arms and screaming) at the car directly in front of her. The posted speed limit for a school zone is 20mph and the car in front of her is doing just that. She was in a rush and did not seem to care about the rules of the road or posted speed limit signs. As she tailgates this person, I feel my frustration rise. I hate being tailgated as much as seeing others get tailgated. It makes my skin crawl at the potential of an accident by just tapping the brakes. While I was secretly hoping that this would happen so I could give little miss road rage a piece of my mind. I even imagined how I would do it, given the chance to really let loose my feelings... Grabbing her by the back of her head and smacking her face on the posted speed limit sign was what I think a moron needs to snap out of their entitlement phase that refuses to follow the rules. All the while, I would have a smile on my face because a smile makes it look like I was being nice about it, right? As I think that fortunately or sadly for this woman, nothing happened and I never got the opportunity to be brutal with a smile on my face.
Tuesday comes along. Seeing this as a new day, I did my best to let go my frustration from the day before. A grocery store that our family goes to every week just opened a new location that is closer to my home. While we do not shop on a weekday, I was curious if this new store had the same layout as the one we have been going to and went there just to take a peek. While there was mass chaos in the lot and store, I was keeping my frustration levels quite low. Well, that is, until it was time to leave. Yet another clueless person felt compelled or entitled to slowly saunter down the middle of the aisle of the parking lot with her cart with an air about her that says she was in her own little world and that the other people trying to drive past her did not exist. A loud sigh came from my lips and my little pressure cooker valve that keeps my frustrations at a livable level started to release a little steam that I had building up. I had complete restraint from actually doing anything, but could not hold back saying something about what I thought of her inconsiderate act. I am not sure she heard my comment about her IQ lacking common sense and that she is not the only one in the parking lot to actually consider walking along the side instead of the middle, but my window was open and I did speak loudly so who knows.... she might have heard me. At least I did not get out of my truck to do anything about it.
Wednesday comes along. The day seemed to go quite smooth. I had to take DD and another child to their taekwondo class that evening. The mother of the other child decided to drop her child off at my house because she could not be in two places at once since her other child had basketball practice or a game at the same time. As this other child talks constantly, I turn on my selective hearing and manage to entertain DD and this child until we had to leave. Seemed to go well and thought that the wave of morons was over, but it was not. After bringing DD home from her class (the other child had his parents coming to get him), having dinner and such, DD had the taste for something sweet. Well, so did I, and since we do not have sweet stuff in the house besides fruit, we ventured out to the local 7-11. As we enter the parking lot, there is a vehicle that did not want to actually park in one space, but parked across 3 spaces. Right in front of the door to 7-11. It was not a delivery vehicle, just a van with a woman putting on her makeup while her friend ran in to get something. Now, if there are lines that mark where cars are to park, a normal and considerate person would park between the lines... not across them in the opposite direction. Either this woman was a complete moron and got her license from a cereal box or she just felt entitled to believe that she is the only person on this planet to do as she wishes, her action was considered illegal, but in the sense of the law... parking lots are private property and are not ticketed unless the business owner files a complaint. Obviously that was not going to happen. As I hold back my frustration yet again, I park my truck and venture into the store with DD. At the same time, the passenger to that vehicle saunters out of 7-11 and gets into the vehicle. As I look over, the two of them are smiling and giggling. My desire to wipe the smiles off their faces was intense. I took a deep breath, mumbled some choice words and went about my business. Getting home went smoothly and refused to leave the house again until this morning.
So far, after taking DD to school, there has been no incidents, but I did see a really cute dog standing next to their owner with a leash in its mouth as if it is asking for a real walk while the owner watched her child cross the street. I think I need to keep that memory of the cute dog with its leash in its mouth. Made me smile during the marathon of morons parade I have had for the past few days... Here is to hoping that train of stupidity passes and I can pat myself on my back for showing restraint in the face of stupidity.
Thanks for reading.... Have a great day!!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
What a difference a year makes....
Just a year ago, Illinois was pummeled with over 24 inches of snow, drifts hitting in the area between 3 and 4 feet. Originally, the snow began on a year ago today. The aftermath of the blizzard where the cleanup of that major dumping of snow was the next day. While the aches of sore muscles eased and the blisters healed in record time, we can still remember that snowfall like it was yesterday. While the mainstream media warned all of us that the winter of 2011-2012 was going to be just as bad, if not worse as the blizzard that hit us on February 2011... we became better prepared. I find it interesting that hindsight is 20/20. All it takes is for one incident where we were not as prepared as we should be to overcompensate in the future.
DH and I are the perfect example of learning from something the first time.... well, maybe more me than him. He just benefits from what I think up. Here are a few examples...
Living in a flood zone where the local government has zero ambition to actually seek out a superior solution or even find more competent engineers to create better solutions, we have mastered a system of cleanup that people find interesting. Sadly, in order for DH to make any investment in things to make life a little easier required for me to purchase them as Christmas gifts.
Our first year of marriage, I bought DH a snow blower. Seeing him moan and complain about shoveling our driveway, albeit is not all that long, but is quite wide. While the winters before DH and I got married were quite mild, I knew that it was just a matter of time that a major dump of snow will happen. It was quite funny that after he opened his gift of a snow blower, we had a 12 inch snowfall just days later. He definitely put some use out of that machine.
After getting married and being moved in to the home he purchased before I met him, we experienced our first flood together. Prior to me being there, DH had a system of avoiding getting flooded, but it was just a matter of time he would miss the opportunity to close the sewer valve before it backs up. I had purchased a carpet cleaner just after getting our dog, Molly. Basically for the sole purpose of cleaning up during potty training, but became his go-to item when we did flood. After seeing him use that machine once after a flood, he got a shop vac that pumps out the water for his next gift. Of course, I did get a new carpet cleaner. There was no way I was going to use that one again.
After seeing him make endless trips to the garage for tools he needed to fix things around the home, I took it upon myself to get him a toolbox for home and started filling it with tools he needed. Yet another Christmas gift that lacked personality, but became a necessity.
One time, we had a major storm blow through our town. The power was knocked out for 4 days. While I could not predict something like that happening, I was the one who sought out where to get a generator. With a little help from my neighbor, as I look to the heavens to thank him again, we got a generator and are now better prepared every time the power goes out (which is fairly often in my neighborhood). Fortunately, DH set it up in a way that we can have general power throughout the house with one plug used. Can't have the AC on, but saving the food in the fridge, run the TV, limited usage of lights, and keeping the hard-wired sump pump on the ready is more appreciated.
I just wonder.... Since we have been a more prepared home for natural disasters, I wonder if DH will ever allow us to be better prepared for other potential disasters. We do not have a bomb shelter, we do not have a stockpile of food and water in our home, and we do not have a plan in action shall a serious event happen. Not saying that our lessons learned over the years haven't been beneficial, but I would think it would not hurt to plan ahead a little more. Well, maybe not a bomb shelter, but you never know with how things are escalating.
While a year can make a huge difference... More people have snow blowers and generators than years past. They are better prepared because all it took was for one time they had to make due with what they had to realize that they were in need of these things. What is more interesting is that even though people make the investments for these things, they may not be utilized as often as they would think. The snowfall made us better prepared this time around, but we actually did not need to use them because weather is so unpredictable. While a year ago, we had frigid temps and heavy snowfall. This year has been far milder with days that neared the 60 degree mark and much smaller snow fall amounts. It is just a little more comforting to know that you are prepared compared to not, right? Just to think how much a person can learn over a year makes it just that much more exciting to see where that knowledge will take us.
DH and I are the perfect example of learning from something the first time.... well, maybe more me than him. He just benefits from what I think up. Here are a few examples...
Living in a flood zone where the local government has zero ambition to actually seek out a superior solution or even find more competent engineers to create better solutions, we have mastered a system of cleanup that people find interesting. Sadly, in order for DH to make any investment in things to make life a little easier required for me to purchase them as Christmas gifts.
Our first year of marriage, I bought DH a snow blower. Seeing him moan and complain about shoveling our driveway, albeit is not all that long, but is quite wide. While the winters before DH and I got married were quite mild, I knew that it was just a matter of time that a major dump of snow will happen. It was quite funny that after he opened his gift of a snow blower, we had a 12 inch snowfall just days later. He definitely put some use out of that machine.
After getting married and being moved in to the home he purchased before I met him, we experienced our first flood together. Prior to me being there, DH had a system of avoiding getting flooded, but it was just a matter of time he would miss the opportunity to close the sewer valve before it backs up. I had purchased a carpet cleaner just after getting our dog, Molly. Basically for the sole purpose of cleaning up during potty training, but became his go-to item when we did flood. After seeing him use that machine once after a flood, he got a shop vac that pumps out the water for his next gift. Of course, I did get a new carpet cleaner. There was no way I was going to use that one again.
After seeing him make endless trips to the garage for tools he needed to fix things around the home, I took it upon myself to get him a toolbox for home and started filling it with tools he needed. Yet another Christmas gift that lacked personality, but became a necessity.
One time, we had a major storm blow through our town. The power was knocked out for 4 days. While I could not predict something like that happening, I was the one who sought out where to get a generator. With a little help from my neighbor, as I look to the heavens to thank him again, we got a generator and are now better prepared every time the power goes out (which is fairly often in my neighborhood). Fortunately, DH set it up in a way that we can have general power throughout the house with one plug used. Can't have the AC on, but saving the food in the fridge, run the TV, limited usage of lights, and keeping the hard-wired sump pump on the ready is more appreciated.
I just wonder.... Since we have been a more prepared home for natural disasters, I wonder if DH will ever allow us to be better prepared for other potential disasters. We do not have a bomb shelter, we do not have a stockpile of food and water in our home, and we do not have a plan in action shall a serious event happen. Not saying that our lessons learned over the years haven't been beneficial, but I would think it would not hurt to plan ahead a little more. Well, maybe not a bomb shelter, but you never know with how things are escalating.
While a year can make a huge difference... More people have snow blowers and generators than years past. They are better prepared because all it took was for one time they had to make due with what they had to realize that they were in need of these things. What is more interesting is that even though people make the investments for these things, they may not be utilized as often as they would think. The snowfall made us better prepared this time around, but we actually did not need to use them because weather is so unpredictable. While a year ago, we had frigid temps and heavy snowfall. This year has been far milder with days that neared the 60 degree mark and much smaller snow fall amounts. It is just a little more comforting to know that you are prepared compared to not, right? Just to think how much a person can learn over a year makes it just that much more exciting to see where that knowledge will take us.
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