The clouds parted and the angels sang!

Okay... I am having a far better day than most and here are the reasons.....

I learned that I did have a minor infection in my gums.  It was not seen via X-ray because it was so minor it was overlooked and of course, that infection was the culprit of all my tooth pain.  I had my dentist take another look at the X-rays and grasped at the same straw that I came to....  the fractured tooth, as minor as it appeared, was well on its way to becoming something far more prominent, infection-wise, if I tried to ignore seeing the dentist for much longer.  Glad I learned my lesson the last time I dragged my heels to see the dentist and went when I did.

Of course, something this "minor" would not have been so painful if I did not have yet another infection well on its way... a sinus infection due to my allergies.  Having a hidden break in my nose pretty much guarantees that I will forever be at risk for sinus infections.  With the shots of Novocaine, I have zero doubt that the sinus infection got its nudge to become out of hand rather quickly since I learned that the sinus cavities that cover most of our face does happen to be in close proximity to the nerves of the teeth that I had to get work done on.

If it was not for the other flare-up in a place I would rather not mention with the swollen spot on my cheek, I would have dragged my feet to seeing the doctor to get the antibiotics I so desperately needed.  Of course, DH was a little miffed that I did not share the need to see the doctor over the weekend and the follow up call to see how I was doing was a definite surprise to him.  I did mention that I did not share that tidbit because I am fully aware that DH has zero interest in hearing me complain about how crappy I was feeling and went ahead to do what I needed to do for his sanity as well as mine.  I am required to be on my "A-game" at all times, you know, and being sick is not an acceptable excuse to slack off in his world.

I have taken four doses of this antibiotic and there is a seriously marked improvement in how I am feeling, but I happen to still be slapped with the unfortunate stick at the same time as some luck happens to come my way.  Kind-of like hearing good news and bad news for the same situation.  Good news is I am finally feeling better... Bad news is that I have yet another thing that will take more precious time to heal from.

Yep, along with the sinus infection, the minor gum infection, that flareup in a place I really wish I did not want to add to the list, the swollen spot on my cheek, and the healing from the dental work trauma to my mouth....  I also happened to catch the first summer cold ever!  Yep, a summer cold that resulted in a cold sore on the backside of my bottom lip.  Nothing can be done about the cold sore, the sore throat, or anything pertaining to that summer cold of mine, but fluids and time.  My face itches from time to time (that is from finally healing from the minor infection in my mouth), but my lip feels like it is on fire whenever I take a drink.  The painful pressure on my top teeth is finally gone, that is, after what appeared to be a swollen blister of sorts bursts after sucking on a throat lozenge for my sore throat.  I was initially grossed out and immediately rinsed out my mouth, but I can finally chew without wincing.  Oh, and I can finally sit, walk, and lay down remotely pain free.  The only reason I knew I have landed my first summer cold ever is because I saw the doctor today for my follow up visit and asked why my inside of my lip felt like it was on fire and my throat being so sore.  I thought I was becoming allergic to the antibiotic and the concerns were there.

As I said, with four doses done and three more to go.... I am feeling quite optimistic that I will feel better in no time.  I had my doubts, though.  I did some serious praying and wished that nobody... and I mean NOBODY, would ever experience what I was experiencing.  I would never wish this type of agony on my worst enemy (if I had one), but I will admit one thing......  Recovering from is smorgasbord of misery is a very welcome thing!

Of course, DH does not get to witness the full wonderful feeling with me because he is leaving for his annual "fishing" trip.  Yep, I even get 5 days of peace and quiet to rest and recover without demands and attitude.  Obviously, DH will return home with a sunburn, no fish, and probably a hangover, but that is chump change to what I have been through and what I still need to go through.  Not 100% yet, but getting there...  Thank GOD for that!  Seeing the light at the end of this tunnel of life and it is not a speeding locomotive barreling my way... whoop! whoop!!

Thanks to those that offered well wishes and to those that probably said a prayer for me without my knowledge.  Oh, and thanks for reading!  Have a great day, evening or whatever :)

Going to the source.... Part 3 (probably most informative of the bunch)

Well, after some much research, I learned that there is a gray area that both Dentists and Doctors have.  Call it the Achilles Heel to both professions and is basically the one thing that people see as a "grasping at straws" prognosis....  Sadly, this does not bode well for anyone that is in this situation, but it is something to consider and will probably get quite costly.

Did you know....

That when it comes to sinuses and teeth, there is a connection?

A sinus infection can present a painful feeling to the teeth and gums on the upper part of the mouth.  It can happen on one side, both sides, or even in some semi-rare cases....  the whole top section of your mouth.

After doing far more research via the internet.... I know, I know...  not all information is the solid truth, but as the saying goes....  there are 3 sides to the truth...  The two points of view and in the middle the connection to formulating the truth.  Kind-of like a he said, she said scenario.  He says the story one way, she says it another, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.

What I did find was a fair number of common situations that definitely point to one thing....  The nearness of the sinus cavity to the teeth roots are so close that one can be mistaken for the other.  Fortunately, most dentists that see nothing wrong via x-ray usually suggest either a visit to your doctor or they will send you off with a prescription of an antibiotic with a follow up visit in a week.

Sadly, that was not the case for me.  I happened to have a couple of cavities that were found via x-ray and no thought of connection to sinus issues.  I even recall telling the dentist that I found it interesting that this agonizing pain always happens during allergy season or cold season for me.  I have noticed far more sinus infections in my life and I know in the pit of my stomach.... I will have more in the future.  How do I know?  I saw an ear, nose and throat specialist once.  After getting a scan and a scope through my nose....  I apparently have broken my nose some years back and it was not noticeable on the exterior view to think it was broken.  Well, technically, it is a deviation in the cartilage.  This deviation created a small pocket that can bring on sinus infections faster than you can say the word, "sinus infection".  Allergies and colds always result in sinus infections for me.  I just never see it coming in order to prevent it.

With the sinuses and teeth roots in such close proximity....  it is feasible to say that what you may be experiencing is a toothache, could quite possibly be a  sinus issue.  Being people that turn to where the pain originates from (meaning where we feel it most), will have us turn to the specialist that will tend to that pain, but never consider the complexities of nerve endings that intertwine with other areas that are in close proximity.

I am feeling more and more confident that this is my situation and after researching the antibiotic that the doctor prescribed to me being a broad spectrum antibiotic that is used for various forms of infection.... I truly think that in a few more days and a few more doses... I will feel right as rain again.  Yipee-skippy!!

Of course, with any findings upon my situation... I may not be 100% accurate and what happens (or happened) to me may be completely different than what happens to another.  All I can say is....

Whenever in doubt....  check out all possible scenarios from all across the board.  My sinus headache from my allergies has been nagging me for weeks, but it became more prominent after getting my teeth worked on.  My initial assumption was the soreness of having teeth drilled that made me uncomfortable, but all other tooth care situations never had a recovery process drag out for as long as these last two have been.  That is where I had the drive to research more into all possible pain-causing scenarios that could quite possibly be categorized as a gray area scenario.  Never hurts to seek for second opinions, or third opinions before committing to one conclusion.  What one does not see could be seen by another.

Wish me luck that this recent finding and recent course of antibiotics will be the answer to my prayers for the past few days or so.

Oh, BTW.... the swollen spot on my cheek started going down today.  Chances are the antibiotic is doing it's thing.  Would be nice that it did not have to take 24 hours to show improvement somewhere, but I am optimistic that I am getting better.... slow, but sure.

Thanks for reading and if I have more information or an update on my healing process.... you will see it in future blogs.

Going to the source.... part 2

Well, I gave myself a couple of days time to amass what part 2 is going to share... and trust me.... it almost feels as if there is serious doubt about "the source's knowledge".  Now, I am not complaining about my dentist in any way because he really does good by me.  He is a really nice fellow that does care.  His chair-side manner is basically perfect.  He does all his talking that requires answers before he starts work and only asks the few "How are ya doin'", from time to time.  We have a system and I rarely ever complain.

As I stated earlier in my previous blog.... I made a point to see my dentist about this weird circle of swollen-ness on my left cheek.  It was not there before seeing the dentist, but it sure as heck arrived after.  I was thinking that it could possibly be an allergic reaction to the Novocaine since I do recall a shot being done in that area inside my mouth to treat a tooth right where this swollen area was as well as the tooth just below it. I never had one before and fully understand that people can become allergic to things they weren't before after multiple exposures to it....  not everything, but some things can do just that.

I recall being able to add nail enhancements (you know create acrylic nails, gel overlays, and stuff like that) for years.  That is, until I became sensitive to the stuff.  I broke out in a serious rash that would blister within 5-10 minutes of exposure.  It is called "contact dermatitis" and once you have it....  you have it for life.  I can never do nail enhancements ever again.  I am okay with it, though, because I wanted to focus more on the hair aspect than the nail aspect.

Well, onward... shall we?  Good.

After seeing the dentist to assess the situation, I got the usual poke, prod, and question scenario.  The usual tenderness after getting a couple of teeth drilled still present and accounted for, but otherwise, no other outbreaks of a rash on the interior of my mouth, so....  it is highly likely that I am allergic to the Novocaine, but my dentist suggested to side on the err of caution and take some Benadryl for a few days to see if the swollen circle on my left cheek goes away.  If not....  I was advised to see a dermatologist or my regular doctor for further inspection.

I went home with this information and got ready for work... Prom season, you know.  Took the Benadryl after work since I prefer to be alert while working on people's hair and makeup and passed out early that evening.  I woke up with some severe pain in a totally different area.... and trust me.... that area is a TMI place to speak of, but lets just say it is a real pain in the rear.

Of course, it would be my luck that I have to hurt in yet another place on my body.  Between my mouth and my backside being in agony, I yet again got ready for work.  I took my Advil as suggested for the mouth tenderness and raced off to the local pharmacy for something to help with the new invasion of pain.  Wincing and whining in agony, I go to work, plaster a smile on my face and proceed with my day.  The pain was immense (my backside, that is), and the concern over the swollen circle on my left cheek as well as my tooth and gum pain still taking up most of my thoughts because there is more of the swollen area and the tenderness is even more so.  My boss cleared out some time in my appointment book and told me to go to one of those emergency treatment centers that used to be open 24 hours a day/7 days a week, but now have actual hours of operation and are no longer 24 hours a day open for business.

Needless to say.... She did not have to ask me twice and I bolted off to see a doctor.  After a "head to tail" look over, I was given a prescription of an antibiotic and instructions to see my regular doctor in a few days for a follow up.  Even this doctor was not sure what it was on my cheek, but decided since I had a low grade fever, aches and pains, as well as all signs pointing to an infection going on....an antibiotic was the next best choice.  Oh, and to sit in a bathtub because my backside was swollen and the warm heat would do wonders for the pain I had going on down there.

Well, it has been 3 days (including the day of seeing the dentist) and the start of day #4 in the hopeful healing process of only God knows what that is going on with me.  Here is my update on how I am doing... if you are truly interested in knowing.....

I am still tender in my mouth, but it is a little less.  I can only guess that it will take another week to heal from yet another double-tooth-treated-with-fillings-trauma and no longer wince when I try to chew.  The swollen circle on my left cheek is still there, but it is a little less prominent.  The hot soaks in the bathtub for another area of pain on me has been successful and it no longer hurts to sit, stand, lay down, and walk.  Well, it is not 100% better, but the level of discomfort is at a more tolerable level.  I will continue with the antibiotics that the doctor prescribed because he mentioned that it would help in every place that hurts and it is possible that the pain is infection related, so I will be taking the required dose for day #2 of 10 today.  I still have my seasonal allergies going on, so I will return to my usual allergy medicine of Zyrtec later today.  The Advil that I have been taking will continue for a few more days since I am still tender in my mouth, but getting a little better each day.

I did open a new bag of worms by questioning why there is mouth pain after the visit to the dentist and I have a few questions of my own, but I will share my thoughts on that subject another time with the third and final installment of "Going to the source... part 3", as well as information I have gathered along this journey.

I do have to give credit to God and the power of prayer because I prayed heavily last night for some relief and I am feeling a bit better today, so..... Thank You God for listening in my time of need.  You obviously knew that the tears from my eyes and the strain in my voice was real and answered rather quickly.... I really appreciate that.

Thanks for reading... have a nice day :)

Going to the source.... (part 1)

As the saying goes.... "Whenever you assume, you make an ass out of you and me".  I can only guess that saying could apply if you decide to research something that could possibly be a result from something else and get either too much information or too many optional outcomes from the vast information offered.

I can only assume (hahaha assuming), that you are scratching your head in wonder for what I am about to share with you.  Well, here is what I have so far and I have plans of doing to the source in just a little while so I can get the facts.

Well, I have had a month of dental visits that I was not all that thrilled about.  I was in agony for weeks prior to Mother's Day to get me to snap and state that I needed to go to the dentist.  The right side of my face was killing me and eating was no longer enjoyable.  In fact, the thought of chewing anything was a feared thing. so of I had the choice to eat or starve... I would have chosen starving, but my body refuses to agree with my mind.  Well, I went to the dentist and had two teeth on the upper right side tended to.  One was to replace a worn old filling and the other was for a cavity I somehow got.  Most likely from my perpetual sweet tooth, but I assumed that regular brushing, flossing and rinsing would have prevented that. Yep, an assumption that still landed me in the dentist chair.  I was feeling loads better after getting that fixed, but I was painfully tender in my cheek and gums where the dental work was done, it took me almost 2 weeks to feel "normal" again.  According to the dentist, getting any dental work beyond a regular cleaning is considered trauma to the mouth and will eventually heal.  It depends upon the individual to how long it takes for the healing process to complete.

After I started to feel back to some semblance of pain free, I managed to land some terrible pain on the left side of my mouth.  I have no clue what happened, but an old filling snapped out of a crown that had a second root canal done in it.  Yep, a 20-something year old root canal was done wrong and I happen to be that special breed of person to have an elusive extra nerve that was not tended to.  That second root canal was done years ago (5 to be exact) and I managed to pop put the filling in that crown, but wondered how I could still feel pain.  Well, let me tell you kiddies.....  the nerves in the teeth/mouth have zero rhyme or reason to where the pain is actually from.  It can be the next tooth over or a tooth below it.  That was my issue.  I apparently cracked a tooth's surface.  Not enough, but over time, it became a cavity to deal with someday and that someday was yesterday.  Along with that tooth, I had the start of yet another small cavity.  Yep, that sweet tooth is going to be the death of me!

With that knowledge in mind, my dentist proceeded to fix the missing fill to that crown and treat via drilling and filling the two cavities.  One was on the upper part of my mouth and the other was on the lower.  Fortunately. it was on only one side of my mouth, but getting multiple shots of Novocaine is not fun, let me tell you that.  Needless to say....  everything is done and I am feeling better except for one thing.

This "trauma", or so it is called is being dealt with yet again.  Just because of the recent work.  I learned my lesson and have been taking 3 Advil 2 times a day, starting with the first dose just before the Novocaine wore off.  It was nice to not be in pain when that glorious stuff wore off.  I figured I have a fighting chance to having a better experience in healing this time around, but alas, I have a new concern facing me.  I am swollen on the outside of my cheek, right about where the dentist put a shot inside my cheek.  It itches a little, but I think it is more psycho-semantic because I took it upon myself to look on line what are the signs of having an allergy to Novocaine are.

Dumb move on my part because the information is so vague that I am picking and choosing what I think my situation holds.  It states something like... swollen area of injection (check), itching in area of injection site (check?  It did not itch earlier, but now I feel an itch coming on), heart palpitations (nope), shaking (nope), fever (no fever, but it is 80 degrees outside and I do feel a little hot, but I doubt I have a fever), difficulty breathing (my allergies are in full bloom, but nowhere near having it be difficult to breathe... just a stuffy nose),  anaphylactic shock or death, (oh Hell no!  Still on this side of the sod, Thank GOD!)

Yep, definitely wondering....  do I consider this little firm bump on my cheek as a cushion for healing from the shot or do I look at this as an allergic reaction and freak out every time I get some dental work done.  Of course, there are alternatives out there that I might fare better with, but I am not even sure that this is an allergic reaction.  Would my dentist know?  I would think so.  Have I confronted him with my recent findings?  Not yet.  I need to know more and would rather get it from the source because if I am to know the truth.....  I better get it from a person rather than a website that is required to notate every possible scenario that could happen and allow me to choose if it is what it could be or not.

Ever hear those commercials for anti-depressant medications?  Heck, it can be about any pharmaceutical to treat one thing or another.  It is that disclosure of potential side effects and believe me..... I would seriously consider dealing with some of the condition to be treated than deal with the side effects of the treatment.  I remember reading the potential side effects of a medication that I was asked to take and the contradictions were head scratching to say the least....  possible weight gain or weight loss is one that has me wonder.  If I could choose, I would opt for the weight loss selection, but alas, I don't get to choose.... the medicine and my body's reaction chooses for me.

Well, the dentist office is open.  I am going to stop by and see what he thinks about my cheek.  Better to get this information from the source than assume the worst.  I'll keep you posted with my findings.

Thanks for reading.

If ya ain't got nothin' nice,new, funny or interesting to say.....

Okay, I'll admit it....

I am not social network savvy.  I lack the guts to post just anything for the world to see.  Well, that is not necessarily true...  I do blog about stuff.  Probably because I have more of an opportunity to share a bit more and not clog up the news feed with trivial stuff.  Oh, who am I kidding???  I know exactly why I do not share as much as others on Facebook.....

My life is not all that exciting.  I mean, I can post my thoughts on the weather, but a fair number of my local friends already do that.  I could share news stories that affected me, but it has already been shared by another.  I could mention every little thing I do throughout the day, but really... who is that interested in if I went to the grocery store, the pharmacy or the gas station?  Doesn't everyone do that stuff on any given day?  I could mention I went to work, but everyone works, too.  I rarely complain about what I do because I really have no complaints about any of it.  If I did complain.... I guarantee you I would get a phone call and a severe ear-bending about being too open on a social site.  I lack quirky things to share since my brand of humor happens when it happens and repeating it for the world to see loses its humor the second time around.  I could post pictures of places, of myself and the things I happen to come across that seem funny, but I have seen far too many people abusing the idea.  Some people even appear to look needy for attention or compliments.  I would rather get a compliment to my face than a single click of "like" to hold dear.  I can only guess it boils down to acceptance from the masses.  Not everyone likes an attention whore and with every attempt to share on a social site.... I feel I am being just that.... an attention whore.

Especially when life lacks the happy, sappy good vibes.  I mean, I am not so happy about everything that I have rainbows shooting out of my backside, nor am I so miserable that I rain on everyone's parade.  I am just a simple, middle of the road, average kind-of contentment that everyone seems to have.  Sure, I would love to keep in touch with everyone I know.  I would love to share all of that randomness that others are so good at, but alas, I am stunted in that area.

With recent events regarding my discomfort when it comes to my teeth, my back, and any other general health topic...  I really do not have all that much to share that is worthy of anyone commenting.  Sure, I appreciate the "I hope you feel better soon" comments, but really.... who really wants to hear that today I am cursed with another toothache after already seeing the dentist?  Or that his office is apparently closed on Wednesdays and I have been subjected to repeat doses of Advil and Oragel while I wait for his office to finally open and hope he can see me ASAP?  Who really cares that it is so frustrating that once things seem to level off on the home front to have everything go to Hell in a hand basket?

Sure, I read books.  In fact, I read a lot of books.  I think I have actually lost count since I did not keep track as well as I should have, but who really wants to know that?  Or that I am painfully still hooked in romantic fiction and suffer whenever I try to read a mystery or a thriller?  It is pretty darn pathetic that I cannot get over the fact that I can't think of one worthwhile thing to share with my friends and I am truly afraid of ruffling someone's feathers over an opinion I may or may not have.

I am fully aware of the watchful eyes of others that judge what I share, but I really do not have all that much that requires sharing.  I pop on to the social site and end up playing games while I see the pictures and the lives of my friends being shared to the world.  Everyone manages to find something to share, but I cannot figure an original thing to share that has not been repeated a few dozen times by other people.  Am I really striving to be so original at everything I do and say?  I don't think so, but there are times I do believe I try.

I know that my friends do not judge me with what I share.  Well, most of my friends anyway.  There are a select few that feel it is their job to shove me under a rock with the judgmental stabs they have honed over the years.  I rarely go out because I really cannot afford all the events being offered my way.  In fact, I have seen a serious decrease in invites lately because I cannot commit to everything out there.  Heck, I have responsibilities placed before me that I take quite seriously and one tiny slip-up will be a guarantee blow-up in my face.  Being reliable but not always available is definitely frustrating when I want to be everywhere and do far more things, but I just can't.  I am starting to believe that it is going to start affecting friendships and family.  I hate drama and I do my best to avoid it, but when it does happen....  I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am to blame somewhere.  Is this a healthy way to live?  I don't think so, but it is the best I can offer at this time.  I only hope and pray it is enough to let me keep the friends I have and keep my family happy because I do not have it in me to do more or less to change it.  I already know that it will never be enough and not everyone will be all that happy with me.

Even my blogging is hitting a brick wall.  I have roughly a half dozen ideas I started to share and stopped in mid-thought because I feel that I am lacking something in my writing or what I share is not all that interesting. Not that I always want to be the center of attention or presenting the next greatest blog out there, but how do I share a thought without second-guessing it every stinking time?  I look at what I started and hover my cursor over the delete option.  I am remaining vigilant in just hitting publish and share for this blog because I am trying to let the chips fall where they may.  Chances are, I will feel a little ill over doing just that, but I know I will overcome that sick feeling later.  Just waiting for the phone to ring with yet another contradiction in sharing my thoughts since not sharing results in a phone call as well as sharing and getting an opinion about what I managed to share.

Oh well, I figured I would try and share some thought, let people know I am still alive and as this is not all that original to share...  I am, in my unconventional way, saying "Hi... I am still here..."

Not one to complain, but.....

I have remained quiet for quite a while now, but it has now come to the point I need to "speak" my thoughts....

"You would think that after seeing the dentist for one pain, you would be free from it once you get the work done, but alas I am still cursed with pain!  Really, how long does it need to take to heal after getting multiple Novocaine shots to get two, and I mean two little teeth fixed?  It has been 5 days now (and I am counting the day I got the work done) and I am still sore!"

Oh, how can this be, you ask?  Well, it appears that every time a person sees the dentist, getting those shots and all that drilling is considered injury to the mouth or some other word that is used to state that you will remain sensitive for a while.  According to my dentist, people recover at different rates.  It is not considered a normal occurrence to get a needle poked into your junction point between the cheek and gum, nor is it considered a natural thing to have a drill bore holes into a tooth.  Heck what is used to fill the holes is considered foreign to the body, but all of those things had to be done in my mouth.

Oh, I know that I am not the only one that endures getting things like this done in their mouth.  In fact, I have zero doubt that regardless of how well a person does the preventative measures (brushing, flossing, rinsing, and such) at home AND the required cleaning at the dentist by a dental hygienist is going to help avoid this inevitable situation.  People get cavities, people can even manage to break a tooth and require repair, and even there are more and more people with the unfortunate misfortune of getting a dreaded root canal.  So, I know I am not alone.  I just happen to feel alone when it comes to the healing process because apparently I am one of those that does not heal as quickly as most, or so as I have been told by my dentist.

X-rays were done on both the upper and lower side of my mouth.  Poking and prodding was performed.  Questions were asked and answers were given.  The sigh of relief that I was not slapped with the unlucky stick and was told I needed a root canal was heard when I was told it is an easy fix to the agony I prolonged for over 2 weeks.  The fear alone was almost stifling when it came down to what could have been a root canal-ridden double-crown fiasco that I thought I was up against, but a very strong sense of relief was the victor when something as common as a cavity was the culprit.  I just was not thinking that getting 2 teeth done at once was going to create such a prolonged healing process.  Heck, I am still sensitive today.  

Advil has been my friend and even after seeing the dentist for a recheck of my progress just days after getting the work done is making me fearful that there is still more that needs to be done.  The only upside is that the sensitivity in chewing food is gone.  I still have a little sensitivity to extreme temperatures.  The real pain in how my gums and cheek feel.  It is like I have a perpetual feeling like I burnt my mouth on something hot.  Tender to the touch is more like it.  Sure, I can chew actual food on that side of my mouth, but the feel in my cheek is not all that comfortable.  Trust me.... I walked into my dentist's office and had him take a look.  He poked and prodded... asked questions and got answers.  Apparently they call this "healing from trauma", and it takes time to heal.  REALLY?!?!?  Well, slap me silly and call me Sally!  I already knew that!  My question is when do I have to return for more trauma to alleviate the trauma I have now?

I was told it could take another week for substantial relief.  I guess I should be thankful, but I already suffered two weeks before I got some semblance of relief.  I know it is my own doing that I dragged my heels for so long.  My reasons are weak for doing that, but so common.  Seeing the dentist is not cheap.  Never has been.  Dental insurance is expensive and it covers basically nothing beyond the annual cleaning.  I have asked DH if they considered getting dental coverage, but it is not fiscally sound to spend that type of money.  Buying it on our own is not possible.  We can barely afford what we do get in insurance coverage.  Anything beyond a simple visit to the doctor causes an extreme change in the bill and insurance companies like to pick and choose what they are willing to pay out for.  The only way insurance companies like their customers is of they never get sick and never need additional services.  Heck, if you never see the doctor, dentist or optometrist... they would be ecstatic to have you as a customer.  Gotta just love that Obama Healthcare bill....  A half-baked plan that never looked beyond the idea to how get coverage for everyone regardless of preexisting conditions, but never capped the insurance companies in the process.  Sure, people can get coverage, but it will cost you an arm and a leg to have it.  Even remotely healthy people are feeling the pinch when their coverage is less, but the cost is more.  Deductibles and premiums are on the rise, but the actual relief a person should have when it comes to coverage plummets because you know (as well as everyone else) it is gonna take a good punch to your wallet.  Do we place blame on the professionals that work in the various areas of healthcare (doctors, dentists and such) for the strain?  I doubt it.  They are slapped with being required to have more insurance for their practices from malpractice because there are more and more sue-happy people that have a lawyer on speed dial than ever.  It is known that nobody gets out of life alive, but it would be nice to not struggle so much to at least exist these days.

Now, I ponder the notion that I might be slightly allergic to what the dentist used in my mouth.  I was assured that my previous mention of allergens was acknowledged and proper measures were taken, but after a little research....  I find out that people can become allergic to things that they were not allergic to before as they get older.  I know that this is true because I became allergic to acrylic monomers due to overexposure when I was lassoed into doing nails for a spell.  That chip-resistant polish people are raving about?  I am allergic to that stuff.  You see, gels and acrylics have a similar component and I am sensitive to it.  So sensitive, I break out in a serious rash with blisters within an hour of exposure.  Looks nasty when it hits my hands.  I have avoided that stuff for years, but it is quite possible that there is a similar component in dental fillings that could be the culprit for my slow healing time.  There is not much I can do about it if I am exposed.  I just have to wait it out for it to leave my body.  I am already on allergy meds and it is possible that it can help, but medicines only go to where it is needed most and eventually will help out in other areas.  With my allergies in full bloom, it will take a while for my allergy medicines to become effective enough to handle this possible allergic reaction (if it is one).  I just seem to lack the patience to see that happen.  

I really only hope that this is just a healing process from all that "trauma" from the dentist chair and that by the end of next week I can no longer feel the discomfort that I happen to feel right at this moment.  I just do not want to return to get more dental work done if this is not the case.  I am on a payment plan for that $450 I just spent on my mouth and I am not sure that DH would understand of there is more that needs to be done. Oh well, at least I vented about this.  Only time will tell.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Have a great evening!

NOW I know what I am up against....

I had an "ah ha" moment this morning and felt like I should share.... Well, the "ah ha" moment actually happened yesterday, but I needed a little time to digest this information before sharing it, so please bear with me.  It was something I was not exactly thrilled about when I noticed it....

So, lets begin with a little update, shall we?

Mother's Day was not as special as I hoped it would be, but I was not pushing for anything phenomenal, so.. it went okay (as I thought it was).  Apparently, I was WRONG about it being somewhere in the "okay" range once DH said something that I could not catch upon until the following day, and still did not come to this moment of clarity until the day that followed that (meaning yesterday).  The only problem is....  how can I address this problem.

So, Sunday was basically a bust.  I was in pain in so many places... the Advil that I was popping like candy had no way of addressing all the aches and pains.  I hurt my wrist the day prior, my teeth were seriously hurting, and I managed to tweak my back just enough for a spasm to rear its ugly head at me.  My allergies have been in full-blown status and the sinus pressure (along with my tooth ache) made it feel like I had a mini jackhammer bouncing around in my head.  Needless to say.... I was absolutely miserable, but I tried my hardest to remain positive and not complain to anyone.

Well, I announced that I wanted to go out for breakfast for Mother's Day and shared my interest with DH.  I felt that regardless that I happen to have a day that is focused on my status as a parent being looked upon as just another day to do everything for everyone in this house... I deserved a little "treat", so to speak, but not cooking at least one meal for the day.  While the statement of asking to be taken out for breakfast was not so demanding, I offered to elaborate just a little to why I wanted to be treated to one meal that day...  I just did not feel up to cooking to clean up afterwards.  If my family would step up and do that one little thing (wash the dishes), I probably would not have minded making breakfast for the family.  Yep, just that one little act of being helpful would have been enough to make my day.  Sheesh!  I am too easy to please!  It is probably because of the lack of respect or help that has my expectations so low these days.  I did mention that if they were not interested in treating me to breakfast.... I was willing to go it alone and they can fend for themselves while I was gone.  Well, it appears that DH either refuses to cook for himself or he decided that my little request was not such a big deal and got DD to get motivated to go out for breakfast with me.

Total shocker on my part!  I was figuring I would end up going to McDonald's for a breakfast sandwich with a book in my hand.  So....  figuring we needed to go somewhere where we can eat and spend a little quality time together was going to happen.  I already looked up where there was a Mother's Day brunch in the local area and was saddened to see that the cost per person to join in that type of event was going to set DH back roughly $50 a person and with that knowledge.... I knew the traditional brunch was out of the question.  I am already at fault for wanting to go out to eat and I needed to keep the cost down.

All three of us were in the car, driving to parts unknown with no solid place to consider.  I noticed a buffet place not so long ago and figured that there was at least a breakfast buffet that we could go to that offered things that both DH and DD would like and be fairly reasonable compared to the average Mother's Day brunch.  Well, that place was a sushi buffet place and I knew it was a solid "Hell NO" from DH.  The price was acceptable, but DH does not eat fish.  DD was thrilled, but once she heard the decision to go someplace else.... she was not all that happy.  Then, we went off to the iHop down the road.  They were packed and there was no parking.  DH was getting cranky (he was starving), and DD was not interested in any place that had the word "pancakes" in it's name.  So, further down the road we went.  We found a restaurant fairly close to his parent's house.  The parking lot was not full and they were open for business.  I saw this as probably the only place that had a table available for my family.  Of course, they did not offer brunch... they did not offer breakfast of any kind.  Nope, we got a lunch menu and left to choose from there.  DD was happy that they offered some seafood choices, DH found a burger to choose, and I was a little sad that I was going to be eating lunch instead of brunch.  My tooth was hurting and everything on that menu was going to be a challenge to eat.  I was looking forward to some scrambled eggs, but I figured as long as they got fed and I did not have to clean up afterwards.... I was ahead of the game... or so I thought.  Each bite of food hurt and tears fell from my eyes.  Quietly, I suffered, but thought I was being as reasonable as I could for my family.  I really wanted to be someplace else, but my family was hungry and I was not in the mood for more attitude.  In the grand scheme of things... I did manage to achieve 2 of the three requirements for my family....  They got to eat something they liked and the cost was reasonable (or so I thought - when the bill came... $54 for 3 people is a bit high in DH's eyes, but he paid without complaint).

Once the bill was paid, we went home to make the grocery list.  DH appears to prefer order and control and did not want to wander the store for new ideas for meals.  Of course, it would have been havoc on the budget we have in place.  It was quiet in the car.  I could not stand the pain anymore.  I knew I had to see the dentist and feared that the bill was going to be huge, but I could not put it off any longer.  I was uncomfortable for 2 weeks prior.  When it became to difficult to eat anymore, I knew I had to go.  With the drive home being so quiet, I mentioned to DH that I felt really bad about asking to see the dentist, knowing it would probably be expensive to go, but the pain was becoming unbearable.  That is when DH threw my way the attitude that I thought caused him to remain nasty well beyond that day.

You see, DH has been giving me the silent treatment and with that silent treatment comes a snippy tone, like a petulant child not getting their way.  It took until Monday night for him to speak his mind and share his feelings.  Apparently, I seemed unhappy on Mother's Day and pointed out that the first place we looked at for brunch was not going to be the place to eat because I pointed out that DH is not a fan of fish and sushi is not something he would eat.  Now, correct me if I am wrong, but with that knowledge, I chose to go elsewhere because I wanted everyone to be fed and happy and that I was considering their feelings before my own.  I thought that was being nice.  Then he mentions the tears in my eyes when we were eating and thought I was upset with the final choice to where we were to eat.  Apparently, my little comment about scrambled eggs was a complaint about the food we ended up getting and made him feel like a schmuck for ending up there.  Of course, the tears falling from my eyes while eating was somehow a huge sign that I was unhappy about it, too.  I guess he forgot that I mentioned that I was in pain from my teeth hurting so much that I asked for permission to go to the dentist the following day.  Nope, I guess being in pain did not compute with DH and my tears were from disappointment over the beginning of the day and that the quiet demeanor was in no way trying to hold back screams of agony for their benefit.  Just because I did not plaster a smile on my face the whole time was supposedly because DH believed I thought he was inconsiderate.  WOW!  What a martyr!  Of course, the snippy attitude about needing to go to the dentist was supposed to make me feel better, too, right?

Money is a sore subject in my house.  I know it as well as DH.  I get pummeled with that knowledge every time I mention an unplanned for expense happening.  DD's little emergency room visit is slapping us with a $600 bill to contend with.  We did not plan for it, but it is clear as day that this was all my fault.  The mention of needing to see a dentist was just the icing on that cake of misery.  I feared I was going to need a root canal or a couple of crowns to replace the very old (and very large) fillings I have on a couple of teeth that I figured were the culprit to the pain I was experiencing.  Luckily, after seeing the dentist, getting the necessary x-rays and such... it came down to re-doing one old filling and taking care of one small cavity.  That $450 bill is NOTHING compared to the estimated (in my mind) of roughly thousands that could have happened.  I managed to get it on a payment plan with 0% interest for a year.  I was thrilled I managed to avoid a huge expense and tried to share it with DH and all I got was attitude and blame that I was apparently calling him inconsiderate.

In hindsight of all of this.... I realized that DH no longer sees or hears me.  I was in tears because I was in pain and not because of disappointment regarding his actions.  I was quiet because I was trying to save him from hearing me complain about the pain.  I took us to various places before ending up in that one place because I took into consideration of what they (meaning both DH and DD) would like to avoid drama at the table.  I tried my hardest to avoid creating more of a struggle financially by not going to an expensive brunch because I did not want to put any more stress on DH.  I no longer have high expectations for myself and did not complain about what we ate because I was happy that they decided to go with me to eat.  I guess I cannot express anything well enough through actions or words because it is up to the other person to decide upon what they want to see and hear.  I have no idea how to be more clear about my intentions, my feelings, or even my thoughts.  I will forever always be wrong.  I am not allowed to be in pain, tired, or sick.  I need to be always on my "A-game" and smiling in the face of challenge.  I am not allowed to be emotional other than perpetually happy or subservient to the master.  I cannot ever need the assistance of others and money cannot be spent for my well-being.  I am to be beyond the zen concept...  I am NOT to be seen as well as I am NOT to be heard.

The problem is that I cannot just exist and not have feelings.  It is clear as day that DH no longer sees me, he no longer hears me, and if those two are happening....  I am no longer important in his life and he no longer feels anything for me.  How do I change that?  I seriously doubt that I can.  

On a closing note....  I am feeling better where my teeth are concerned.  Still a little tender from getting two teeth worked on at once.  My body has not adjusted to the foreign material in my mouth, but that will take a few more days before I feel complete relief, but in comparison to what I was feeling.... I am doing much better.  My back is still doing the random spasm thing often, but tolerable.  My wrist still hurts like the dickens and my allergy headache is a little less painful.  Basically, I am more functional without tears of pain slowing me down and that is a good thing.  I have loads to do and never enough time to get it all done.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!