Morning folks! Started my day with a loathsome feeling. Winter is here and thankfully, it has not snowed like it has been predicted... yet. I fear that there is going to be a major dump of the "white stuff" real soon. Which comes to mind my current issues and how I will absolutely hate something I kind-of enjoy...
My back is back at it again!! Pinched nerves, misalignment, muscle spasms... oh my! Have not had a decent night sleep in close to a month because it is cold and flu season. My track record of making it through one season change without getting sick is nonexistent. Still going through the last stages of a bronchitis and sinus infection I had roughly a month ago. I believe that this one is not going to go down without a fight because the congestion has struck again. Not liking the feeling like I was beaten across my back with a baseball bat. I am going back to the arsenal of whatever I can get my hands on the ease the discomfort, but I know it will end up in going back to see the doctor for a prescription. Fortunately, the snow has not made a lasting appearance yet, because my winter workout program of shoveling snow would just increase the discomfort I am suffering with my back. Sadly, it has been predicted that this winter's snowfall will be just as bad, if not worse, than last year's blizzard... I can only hope that they are wrong, but knowing my luck.... You get the picture, right?
Then, lets add on the misery of hating everything I should be doing.... Somehow, the idea of cooking, cleaning and sleeping are things I am starting to loathe. Sleep, you ask? How can I loathe sleep? Easy. Spend a whole day working out the knots, kinks, and pain in your back so you can go to bed after all that effort to wake up to pain again that needs your constant attention. Well, it is maybe not actual loathing, come to think of it... it is fear. I just would love to wake up pain-free for a while. Doubtful that is going to happen any time soon because the congestion I have has a way to make every muscle ache from the waist... up. Knowing that getting sleep in my bed, on the couch, or even on the floor is going to result in waking up in pain after working so hard to ease the pain during the day does make it hard to actually appreciate getting any sleep.
The idea of cooking and cleaning up after the typhoons that I lovingly call DH and DD is starting to lose its luster. I am actually starting to feel like that poor hamster running in a wheel and getting nowhere. If either of them willingly helped without having me ask could possibly put me in the hospital from shock. I have blown off my usual weigh in day at my local weight watchers location because I fear not for what the scale is going to say, but how I just might react to the sunny disposition of the employees there and that..."oh" you get to hear even if it is a good or bad weigh in. It is all in how they say it is how I just might lose my cool.
The only benefit of being sick is that I really have no appetite. While I have not checked on my bathroom scale, I can assure you, that does not necessarily mean a loss. I just can't seem to meet their healthy guidelines when food repulses me. Sigh, I know I have to get in and face the scale. Today is going to be that day, I guess....
After all of this minuscule whining issues, I still do not feel any lighter. Sheesh! I think I need a vacation! HA! I wonder if President Obama and his family can spare some cash that I contributed in taxes for a vacation of my own since they have been living high on the hog for almost 4 years. Good thing it is an election year coming up. I cannot afford supporting their jet-set lifestyle anymore.... and if I hear the word "stimulus" any time soon, I will snap! Apparently, I am not poor enough to get any money back, but far from rich to say I am living comfortably. Thank you, sir, for robbing me blind. I hope you enjoyed your stay in that huge rental called the White House because I think your days are numbered, or at least I hope so. If one moron that has no clue thinks he is worthy of a re-election and votes for him, we are all screwed for another 4 years and I cannot afford that. Sadly, even the Republican hopefuls don't look all that promising, either.... Darn politics!
Well, off to face the day, face the scale, and pop another Aleve for my back.
I hope you all have a great day.... I am just hoping mine gets better....
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Accidents happen?
Good morning....
Yesterday, I got up and went about my normal chores. I got my paycheck right around Christmas and could not get to the bank, so after DH left for work, I got ready to head out and go do a little errand running. I drive into town and see that there is mass chaos going on; police, fire and ambulance all in high speed. Wondering what is going on, I see a police car parked in the bank parking lot and an officer directing traffic at the tracks. As he is telling me to keep moving, I motion that I am trying to turn into the bank's drive through. Wondering what is going on, I figured that I would wait until I finish my business at the bank to ask the officer.
I live in a suburb of Chicago. Nothing really serious happens here, but when it does.... the news spreads like wildfire. Not all of it is completely accurate, but the obvious point does get across.
Well, after finishing what I needed to do at the bank, it was painfully obvious that something happened and that there was a train involved. From where I was, you could not make out that there was a mangled car on the tracks in front of a stopped train. As I tried to ask the officer what was happening, I got brushed off and told to keep moving. The curious side of me figured that I should seek out the answers, but I still had a few more errands to finish. I saved my last errand (which seemed to be very close to all the commotion) for last. If things were still chaotic when I returned, I had no doubt that I would find out what is happening. Needless to say... they were and I got close enough to see that a terrible accident happened. A car was hit by an express train and lost. The media's reports were a little slow in the condition of the driver, but I knew with just one look that it was not going to be good news. Suddenly, I wondered if it was someone I knew. My brother drives past these tracks every morning, and so does DH. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach formed, but after taking a long, hard look at the wreckage, the only thing that I could offer as any comparison to if it was from a vehicle I knew was by the tires. There were only 2 tires visible and one had its rim still on. Mangled metal that was once a brand of car, truck, or minivan is no longer recognizable as what it was before impact. Thinking hard in my memory banks of what the tires looked like on vehicles I knew came back that it was not my brother's truck and thankfully it was not DH's truck. Feeling saddened that such a serious accident happened, I started to wonder why tragedies like this happen. Was it ignorance to the safety gate to try to save a few minutes off their commute to somewhere? Did the car die on the tracks and could not be moved in time? Were they trapped in front of the gate with nowhere to move to? These were the obvious questions because accidents like this are avoidable. Then I wondered about that person's family and friends. The loss that they are going to hear about; the devastation this causes and how sympathy is just not enough to ease the pain of sudden loss. What about the conductor on the train? Especially an express train that is not capable of stopping on a dime. The horror that person endured having a front row seat to killing someone because there was nothing that they could do. In all reality, slamming the brakes could cause more damage and injury to those they were transporting, and trying to turn the wheel to avoid the incident is not feasible if you are riding rails.... This disaster could not be avoided from the conductor's point of view, but I guarantee that they wish they could.
I guess what comes to mind is how an accident gets the label of being an accident. You would figure that accidents happen and are rarely avoidable, but is it an accident if there was safety implementations in place? Think about it.... While I was not there to see what happened (as it happened), nor do I know the thought process of a person's actions... what if the reason was because of tempting fate? People go around the downed safety gates all the time. The number one reason is because of impatience; they have no available time to wait for the train to pass because they need to get to where they are going----NOW. How about people that decide to drive after drinking. Is it because they don't have the cash for a cab? Are they afraid that their car will get towed? Are they overly confident from all that "liquid courage" that they can drive just fine? How about those that have a "lead foot" when it comes to driving. Is getting somewhere always a race because of poor time management skills? Or the thrill of going fast? Now, there are just as many accidents caused by overly cautious drivers as well. Fear of the yellow light comes to mind, slamming on the brakes because that little reminder sign just clocked you going a whole 2mph over the posted limit, and fear to drive near the speed limit because they feel their judgement is impaired if they go too fast. While the speeders feel that the speed limit is a guideline of how slow you can go, the overly cautious ones feel that the speed limit is just that.... the maximum speed to go. How about tailgaters that feel empowered to ride the bumper of someone that is not going fast enough. Or the overly aggressive ones that cut people off and slam their brakes just because they have an ax to grind and you are there to take it. What about the ones that grab life by the horns and do things in excess? We do have limits, ya know, but ignore the signs. Drugs and alcohol kill, too. Really, is accidents the way to go if you know they can be avoidable? Is it worth the risk if you can end up dead?
While I can see some people being adrenaline junkies and love to live on the edge, I wonder if they saw a horrific accident... would they think a little more?
Yesterday, I got up and went about my normal chores. I got my paycheck right around Christmas and could not get to the bank, so after DH left for work, I got ready to head out and go do a little errand running. I drive into town and see that there is mass chaos going on; police, fire and ambulance all in high speed. Wondering what is going on, I see a police car parked in the bank parking lot and an officer directing traffic at the tracks. As he is telling me to keep moving, I motion that I am trying to turn into the bank's drive through. Wondering what is going on, I figured that I would wait until I finish my business at the bank to ask the officer.
I live in a suburb of Chicago. Nothing really serious happens here, but when it does.... the news spreads like wildfire. Not all of it is completely accurate, but the obvious point does get across.
Well, after finishing what I needed to do at the bank, it was painfully obvious that something happened and that there was a train involved. From where I was, you could not make out that there was a mangled car on the tracks in front of a stopped train. As I tried to ask the officer what was happening, I got brushed off and told to keep moving. The curious side of me figured that I should seek out the answers, but I still had a few more errands to finish. I saved my last errand (which seemed to be very close to all the commotion) for last. If things were still chaotic when I returned, I had no doubt that I would find out what is happening. Needless to say... they were and I got close enough to see that a terrible accident happened. A car was hit by an express train and lost. The media's reports were a little slow in the condition of the driver, but I knew with just one look that it was not going to be good news. Suddenly, I wondered if it was someone I knew. My brother drives past these tracks every morning, and so does DH. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach formed, but after taking a long, hard look at the wreckage, the only thing that I could offer as any comparison to if it was from a vehicle I knew was by the tires. There were only 2 tires visible and one had its rim still on. Mangled metal that was once a brand of car, truck, or minivan is no longer recognizable as what it was before impact. Thinking hard in my memory banks of what the tires looked like on vehicles I knew came back that it was not my brother's truck and thankfully it was not DH's truck. Feeling saddened that such a serious accident happened, I started to wonder why tragedies like this happen. Was it ignorance to the safety gate to try to save a few minutes off their commute to somewhere? Did the car die on the tracks and could not be moved in time? Were they trapped in front of the gate with nowhere to move to? These were the obvious questions because accidents like this are avoidable. Then I wondered about that person's family and friends. The loss that they are going to hear about; the devastation this causes and how sympathy is just not enough to ease the pain of sudden loss. What about the conductor on the train? Especially an express train that is not capable of stopping on a dime. The horror that person endured having a front row seat to killing someone because there was nothing that they could do. In all reality, slamming the brakes could cause more damage and injury to those they were transporting, and trying to turn the wheel to avoid the incident is not feasible if you are riding rails.... This disaster could not be avoided from the conductor's point of view, but I guarantee that they wish they could.
I guess what comes to mind is how an accident gets the label of being an accident. You would figure that accidents happen and are rarely avoidable, but is it an accident if there was safety implementations in place? Think about it.... While I was not there to see what happened (as it happened), nor do I know the thought process of a person's actions... what if the reason was because of tempting fate? People go around the downed safety gates all the time. The number one reason is because of impatience; they have no available time to wait for the train to pass because they need to get to where they are going----NOW. How about people that decide to drive after drinking. Is it because they don't have the cash for a cab? Are they afraid that their car will get towed? Are they overly confident from all that "liquid courage" that they can drive just fine? How about those that have a "lead foot" when it comes to driving. Is getting somewhere always a race because of poor time management skills? Or the thrill of going fast? Now, there are just as many accidents caused by overly cautious drivers as well. Fear of the yellow light comes to mind, slamming on the brakes because that little reminder sign just clocked you going a whole 2mph over the posted limit, and fear to drive near the speed limit because they feel their judgement is impaired if they go too fast. While the speeders feel that the speed limit is a guideline of how slow you can go, the overly cautious ones feel that the speed limit is just that.... the maximum speed to go. How about tailgaters that feel empowered to ride the bumper of someone that is not going fast enough. Or the overly aggressive ones that cut people off and slam their brakes just because they have an ax to grind and you are there to take it. What about the ones that grab life by the horns and do things in excess? We do have limits, ya know, but ignore the signs. Drugs and alcohol kill, too. Really, is accidents the way to go if you know they can be avoidable? Is it worth the risk if you can end up dead?
While I can see some people being adrenaline junkies and love to live on the edge, I wonder if they saw a horrific accident... would they think a little more?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Chain reaction.....
Good afternoon! I have been bouncing a few thoughts in my head today and even though I do not feel that there is any fluidity to my thoughts, I felt compelled to share anyway....
Having tendencies to be more of an observer seeking answers, I managed to observe DH's family dynamic in a new light. The conclusion that I came to is still in its rough draft, but I figured that this is just a good opportunity to get my initial findings out there. I do appreciate feedback and I look forward to hearing what you think.....
Have you ever noticed that impressions can be misread? What we tend to believe is fact somehow becomes distorted? For years, I have believed that my in-laws had some deep-seeded resentment about me. On the surface, it can be summed up as me being some less than worthy person taking residence in their son's heart. I can only assume that everyone has felt that way about their in-laws after getting married. As relationships build over time, there are stages that usually start off as distant or cold and become a welcoming hug into the family fold. Acceptance is something everyone strives for at one time or another. In my case, the experience I have had with DH's family has been nothing less than confusing. There are times they seem so nice and welcoming that somehow turn into feeling very cold and distant. Believe me, I am not one that has flair for the dramatic, but there is a lot of drama brewing in that family.
As I observed how DH's family interacts, an "ah-ha" moment came to the surface. I noticed that DH's family dynamic is not all that far off from anyone else's family. It is how behavior is acknowledged that has me scratching my head. Guilt plays a huge role in DH's family. I am not sure what the guilt is from, but it is the driving force that divides. I am not sure how this is played, but you can see it clearly how DH's parents cater to the squeakiest or neediest wheel. It is no longer a game of favorites like I concluded to years ago. As my mother-in-law worked feverishly to cater to her children, albeit fully grown, I noticed that DH and one other sibling remained quiet. Assuming it was from years of getting the short end of the stick ended up being something completely different. They are not needy or demanding. Now, don't get me wrong... DH can play that game quite well if he needed to... he got years of exposure to this and knows what he needs to do. He just has no desire to knock someone to get what he needs. I do notice that not just the children play this game... his parents get in a shot or two from time to time. Sadly, the ones prone to be receptive are the ones that are not as needy as the others. It is just one jumbled up chain in that family, but seeing DH's ability to avoid the dramatic makes that mangled mess just a little less. I guess that is why I got so many compliments this past weekend at how calm our family is and how well behaved DD was. We just don't play that game in our home. That is where the chain is broken.
This chain is not just a family thing. I noticed it everywhere I go. I see a person come into work still carrying the argument they just had at home with them and letting loose on a co-worker. Having no doubt that this chain linked itself to another person to take that with them and get their release on another somewhere else. I guess that it takes a person to break that chain before their next stage on their day in order to assure that it cannot go any further than them. While I do not claim to be a pro at diverting emotions from one place to another, I do happen to be fairly consistent in avoiding the chain from growing. Bottling it up is not the answer, but seeking a solution before moving forward is the best option. We just need to remain strong that we can control it enough so we can find the solution.
As I realized that what I thought was resentment from my in-laws is nothing less than placing focus on one thing at a time.... Which reminds me of a saying.... "No one person can be everything to everyone. Someone will always feel left out, but will get their chance to be included, if you give it time... just not when you want it." So, in closing for today.... Remember that when life throws drama your way... Take a step back, assess the situation, and never let it get the best of you. That is how you can break the chain of emotional drama.
Having tendencies to be more of an observer seeking answers, I managed to observe DH's family dynamic in a new light. The conclusion that I came to is still in its rough draft, but I figured that this is just a good opportunity to get my initial findings out there. I do appreciate feedback and I look forward to hearing what you think.....
Have you ever noticed that impressions can be misread? What we tend to believe is fact somehow becomes distorted? For years, I have believed that my in-laws had some deep-seeded resentment about me. On the surface, it can be summed up as me being some less than worthy person taking residence in their son's heart. I can only assume that everyone has felt that way about their in-laws after getting married. As relationships build over time, there are stages that usually start off as distant or cold and become a welcoming hug into the family fold. Acceptance is something everyone strives for at one time or another. In my case, the experience I have had with DH's family has been nothing less than confusing. There are times they seem so nice and welcoming that somehow turn into feeling very cold and distant. Believe me, I am not one that has flair for the dramatic, but there is a lot of drama brewing in that family.
As I observed how DH's family interacts, an "ah-ha" moment came to the surface. I noticed that DH's family dynamic is not all that far off from anyone else's family. It is how behavior is acknowledged that has me scratching my head. Guilt plays a huge role in DH's family. I am not sure what the guilt is from, but it is the driving force that divides. I am not sure how this is played, but you can see it clearly how DH's parents cater to the squeakiest or neediest wheel. It is no longer a game of favorites like I concluded to years ago. As my mother-in-law worked feverishly to cater to her children, albeit fully grown, I noticed that DH and one other sibling remained quiet. Assuming it was from years of getting the short end of the stick ended up being something completely different. They are not needy or demanding. Now, don't get me wrong... DH can play that game quite well if he needed to... he got years of exposure to this and knows what he needs to do. He just has no desire to knock someone to get what he needs. I do notice that not just the children play this game... his parents get in a shot or two from time to time. Sadly, the ones prone to be receptive are the ones that are not as needy as the others. It is just one jumbled up chain in that family, but seeing DH's ability to avoid the dramatic makes that mangled mess just a little less. I guess that is why I got so many compliments this past weekend at how calm our family is and how well behaved DD was. We just don't play that game in our home. That is where the chain is broken.
This chain is not just a family thing. I noticed it everywhere I go. I see a person come into work still carrying the argument they just had at home with them and letting loose on a co-worker. Having no doubt that this chain linked itself to another person to take that with them and get their release on another somewhere else. I guess that it takes a person to break that chain before their next stage on their day in order to assure that it cannot go any further than them. While I do not claim to be a pro at diverting emotions from one place to another, I do happen to be fairly consistent in avoiding the chain from growing. Bottling it up is not the answer, but seeking a solution before moving forward is the best option. We just need to remain strong that we can control it enough so we can find the solution.
As I realized that what I thought was resentment from my in-laws is nothing less than placing focus on one thing at a time.... Which reminds me of a saying.... "No one person can be everything to everyone. Someone will always feel left out, but will get their chance to be included, if you give it time... just not when you want it." So, in closing for today.... Remember that when life throws drama your way... Take a step back, assess the situation, and never let it get the best of you. That is how you can break the chain of emotional drama.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Mom....
Growing up, every child goes through stages... It starts off with extreme admiration of the caregiver that gave birth to you and reminds you that their name is "mom" or "mama" as you try to learn your first words. Sadly, "dada" is the easiest and usually the first word spoken, but their love for you is too strong to let something like that decrease the unconditional love they have for you. They are the ones first called when you are hurt to fix it and "kiss the boo-boo", they are the best cooks on the planet in your eyes, and the first person you go to when you have questions. As we get older, somehow our moms become tougher; expectations that we tend to disagree upon cause arguments over who knows best and we tend to think that they are just on another planet compared to where we are... They wiped our tushes, our noses, cleaned up after us, fed us and then they cut us off from the easy life and shove us into the reality of becoming responsible people.... Oh, the agony! In our teens, and well into our early adulthood (which I have figured is somewhere in our mid 30's), we tend to think that mom is completely out of touch with current events and have zero understanding of what life is really like. Of course, most of those bickering sessions ended with "when you have children of your own, I hope they turn out to be just like you and then you will understand".... awful curse, but it will come true...
By the time we become parents, we suddenly realize that Mom was right and there is a new found appreciation for her and her lifelong career of being our mom. They become the go-to person when we have questions on handling our own children. Mom becomes the relief team when dealing with children of our own and handle it like a professional. Their knowledge with experiencing the likes of us have them so well prepared that their grandchildren have better respect for them than you ever did at their age. Of course, they enjoy their grandchildren because they do not have to live with them after all the sugary treats, hugs and fun they have as they get to go to their quiet homes at the end of the day. But their knowledge is far more appreciated because we tend to remember those little talks and over protective behavior they possessed and how when we thought that they were so out of touch... they were not.
Now, I know that there are people out there that have suffered the misfortune of never getting to a point in life where you are blessed to have your parents involved. I can only hope that they managed to reach some level of their new found respect for them before the pain of loss happens, because as we all know.... nobody can live forever. As for me, I have been fortunate enough to have my mom in my life to this day and got to experience the incredible knowledge that had to be repeated upon me to realize that I was the clueless one back in the day. Sadly, my blessing only has been with still having my mom here to turn to... My father passed away a little over 10 years ago, right when our relationship was building to an even higher point. My dad was my best friend, but he was someone I would have loved to get to learn more from. My educational journey of understanding what a father's love when they become a grandfather was, was cut way too short and I miss him terribly... so does my mom. I do take comfort in knowing that he is alive in my heart and that we are being watched from heaven. Still hurts that he is not physically here, but he would not allow for anyone to stop living because he is not here. He left a major impression in everyone he loved... even my daughter. He passed when she was only 18 months old, but she even remembers him to this day. I remember her asking if grandpa was still taking pictures of her while he is up in heaven. She was 3 at the time. Now, that should tell you that if they can be remembered... they are never really gone.
As I try to bring this blog to a close for the day.... I wanted to mention that there are times I realize that I have become my mom and I am actually thankful for that. Her no nonsense way of speaking her mind puts things in perspective for me. Humble as she may be, she is more helpful than she could ever think she has been and I appreciate it. She taught me the stages and now I understand... Thank you, Mom.
Oh, by the way.... When you think your mom does not listen when you talk about your spouse... she does. She actually helped me remember that for the past 4 years or so, DH has been eyeing up a nostalgic themed popcorn maker, but stopped talking about it a couple of years back. She was the one that helped me find something that can bring a child-like sparkle in DH's eyes this Christmas... that popcorn maker. Nice feeling to have when your mom has your back even after the Hell I put her through growing up...
Have a great day everyone and remember.... You only have one Mom and Dad. Here or not... remember them and be sure to say thanks from time to time...
By the time we become parents, we suddenly realize that Mom was right and there is a new found appreciation for her and her lifelong career of being our mom. They become the go-to person when we have questions on handling our own children. Mom becomes the relief team when dealing with children of our own and handle it like a professional. Their knowledge with experiencing the likes of us have them so well prepared that their grandchildren have better respect for them than you ever did at their age. Of course, they enjoy their grandchildren because they do not have to live with them after all the sugary treats, hugs and fun they have as they get to go to their quiet homes at the end of the day. But their knowledge is far more appreciated because we tend to remember those little talks and over protective behavior they possessed and how when we thought that they were so out of touch... they were not.
Now, I know that there are people out there that have suffered the misfortune of never getting to a point in life where you are blessed to have your parents involved. I can only hope that they managed to reach some level of their new found respect for them before the pain of loss happens, because as we all know.... nobody can live forever. As for me, I have been fortunate enough to have my mom in my life to this day and got to experience the incredible knowledge that had to be repeated upon me to realize that I was the clueless one back in the day. Sadly, my blessing only has been with still having my mom here to turn to... My father passed away a little over 10 years ago, right when our relationship was building to an even higher point. My dad was my best friend, but he was someone I would have loved to get to learn more from. My educational journey of understanding what a father's love when they become a grandfather was, was cut way too short and I miss him terribly... so does my mom. I do take comfort in knowing that he is alive in my heart and that we are being watched from heaven. Still hurts that he is not physically here, but he would not allow for anyone to stop living because he is not here. He left a major impression in everyone he loved... even my daughter. He passed when she was only 18 months old, but she even remembers him to this day. I remember her asking if grandpa was still taking pictures of her while he is up in heaven. She was 3 at the time. Now, that should tell you that if they can be remembered... they are never really gone.
As I try to bring this blog to a close for the day.... I wanted to mention that there are times I realize that I have become my mom and I am actually thankful for that. Her no nonsense way of speaking her mind puts things in perspective for me. Humble as she may be, she is more helpful than she could ever think she has been and I appreciate it. She taught me the stages and now I understand... Thank you, Mom.
Oh, by the way.... When you think your mom does not listen when you talk about your spouse... she does. She actually helped me remember that for the past 4 years or so, DH has been eyeing up a nostalgic themed popcorn maker, but stopped talking about it a couple of years back. She was the one that helped me find something that can bring a child-like sparkle in DH's eyes this Christmas... that popcorn maker. Nice feeling to have when your mom has your back even after the Hell I put her through growing up...
Have a great day everyone and remember.... You only have one Mom and Dad. Here or not... remember them and be sure to say thanks from time to time...
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Feeling like a heel.....
I am torn between kicking myself for being a hypocrite or I should chalk up this year as my learning experience for the future....
Christmas is supposed to be that time of year to offer peace and goodwill in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. As we all know, peace and goodwill should not have a season for the reason, but should be offered at all times. Everyone is suffering financial struggles and sadly, Christmas has become too commercialized to really focus on what it should be about. I even took the time to read a little about what Christmas (and its traditions) are all about. I just seem to have some conflicting thoughts about it all.
Christmas is widely known as the time to celebrate the birth of our moral savior, Jesus Christ. Being a mystery in how he was born was enough to show that miracles can happen. He was conceived in the womb of a virgin and was born with ridicule to his name. His father is God, an entity that has never been seen, but has been believed to be the creator of all things in his image. Jesus' existence was created to educate everyone he could in believing in God, the higher power to all, and to follow the rules bestowed upon them. While there has been controversy in every aspect to Christ and Christmas, the actual date Christ was born is not to be believed to be on December 25, the traditions that seem to have roots in Pagan rituals for the winter solstice, the religious variations of in belief, the perceptions of how to celebrate, and even how the word "Christmas" has caused for political correctness when church and state are to be separate. We could even mention how stories and characters have become a part of what was not to be such a complicated time of year. Characters like Santa Claus, Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer, Frosty the snowman, and such taking center stage to what Christmas is supposed to be about. While it is understood that children have no interest in what the true meaning of Christmas is, we tend to fuel the fire of commercialism with gifts we cannot afford. I guess that is why I seem to relate more to Linus when he explained the meaning of Christmas to Charlie Brown...
This is where I have been feeling like I am a hypocrite... I have lost focus on what Christmas is supposed to be about. I have tried for a long time to teach DD how to appreciate all that comes her way, to not be expecting of lavish luxuries, to think of others, and to learn that the true meaning of Christmas is not about gifts, but about something greater. Sadly, there are stronger forces out there that managed to taint the true meaning and where the focus should be laid upon.
I did try to start off this season of celebration as true to what I thought it should be this year. I have done what I could to save DH any additional headaches when it comes to our finances and I still failed miserably. Just a month ago, I had the wind knocked out of me when it came to what DH had to sacrifice in order to put new tires on my truck. As I thanked him profusely for his efforts and asked for nothing more than to try to be as helpful as I can with my part time job and no prospects of finding more stable work, I took it upon myself to do the family Christmas shopping with what I alone earned and did not use a credit card. Knowing that what I did manage to get was less than exciting (clothes, pj's, socks, underwear, and the like), I decided that I should do one additional thing to cement the idea that I have zero greed in my blood by refusing to ask for anything for myself for Christmas. As Jesus Christ sacrificed his life for absolution of sin to his followers, I decided to sacrifice getting a gift for the sheer fact that it would not put a strain on the family finances. I know, it sounds like I was being the martyr when I thought of it, but something needed to be done so DH would not think of Divorce being a possible solution to our financial struggles again. As lousy of an idea that was, I wanted to at least try to not be as much of a burden, financially, with my decision to not ask for anything. Stupid me, mentioned that I wanted a Kindle Fire. Darn thing costs $200, and he willingly went ahead and got me one. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Now, DH is getting things he needs instead of stuff he would want while I got something really cool.
What makes me feel even more like a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe is that what I make from my part time job does not offer much in an income to get anything worthy of getting a childlike sparkle in DH's eyes this Christmas. Where did my Christmas spirit go? I know that it should not be about how much you spent of the gift, but it should focus on the thought more. Apparently, I have little depth of thought. I should have saved up for this time of year and really blew him away with something awesome. Then I realized, I am just like the masses of people that commercialized the season of Christmas.... placing value on what to give. Talk about feeling like a child buying a plastic trinket for their parents and getting something really cool and expensive from them.... What makes it really sad is that I am the child in this scenario compared to DH's generosity.
I believe that there is a lesson learned through all of this.... Either I need to plan farther in advance for the commercialized aspect of Christmas or talk my family into honing back the commercial end of the Christmas season and make our gifts instead of buying them... You know, people buy what they want or what they need all the time... why not use a little imagination and make something instead?
Well, that or just appreciate our government and their drunken sailor spending ways with money that is not theirs to spend to slap people into becoming a little more creative when it comes to celebrating Christmas in the future.....
Christmas is supposed to be that time of year to offer peace and goodwill in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. As we all know, peace and goodwill should not have a season for the reason, but should be offered at all times. Everyone is suffering financial struggles and sadly, Christmas has become too commercialized to really focus on what it should be about. I even took the time to read a little about what Christmas (and its traditions) are all about. I just seem to have some conflicting thoughts about it all.
Christmas is widely known as the time to celebrate the birth of our moral savior, Jesus Christ. Being a mystery in how he was born was enough to show that miracles can happen. He was conceived in the womb of a virgin and was born with ridicule to his name. His father is God, an entity that has never been seen, but has been believed to be the creator of all things in his image. Jesus' existence was created to educate everyone he could in believing in God, the higher power to all, and to follow the rules bestowed upon them. While there has been controversy in every aspect to Christ and Christmas, the actual date Christ was born is not to be believed to be on December 25, the traditions that seem to have roots in Pagan rituals for the winter solstice, the religious variations of in belief, the perceptions of how to celebrate, and even how the word "Christmas" has caused for political correctness when church and state are to be separate. We could even mention how stories and characters have become a part of what was not to be such a complicated time of year. Characters like Santa Claus, Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer, Frosty the snowman, and such taking center stage to what Christmas is supposed to be about. While it is understood that children have no interest in what the true meaning of Christmas is, we tend to fuel the fire of commercialism with gifts we cannot afford. I guess that is why I seem to relate more to Linus when he explained the meaning of Christmas to Charlie Brown...
This is where I have been feeling like I am a hypocrite... I have lost focus on what Christmas is supposed to be about. I have tried for a long time to teach DD how to appreciate all that comes her way, to not be expecting of lavish luxuries, to think of others, and to learn that the true meaning of Christmas is not about gifts, but about something greater. Sadly, there are stronger forces out there that managed to taint the true meaning and where the focus should be laid upon.
I did try to start off this season of celebration as true to what I thought it should be this year. I have done what I could to save DH any additional headaches when it comes to our finances and I still failed miserably. Just a month ago, I had the wind knocked out of me when it came to what DH had to sacrifice in order to put new tires on my truck. As I thanked him profusely for his efforts and asked for nothing more than to try to be as helpful as I can with my part time job and no prospects of finding more stable work, I took it upon myself to do the family Christmas shopping with what I alone earned and did not use a credit card. Knowing that what I did manage to get was less than exciting (clothes, pj's, socks, underwear, and the like), I decided that I should do one additional thing to cement the idea that I have zero greed in my blood by refusing to ask for anything for myself for Christmas. As Jesus Christ sacrificed his life for absolution of sin to his followers, I decided to sacrifice getting a gift for the sheer fact that it would not put a strain on the family finances. I know, it sounds like I was being the martyr when I thought of it, but something needed to be done so DH would not think of Divorce being a possible solution to our financial struggles again. As lousy of an idea that was, I wanted to at least try to not be as much of a burden, financially, with my decision to not ask for anything. Stupid me, mentioned that I wanted a Kindle Fire. Darn thing costs $200, and he willingly went ahead and got me one. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Now, DH is getting things he needs instead of stuff he would want while I got something really cool.
What makes me feel even more like a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe is that what I make from my part time job does not offer much in an income to get anything worthy of getting a childlike sparkle in DH's eyes this Christmas. Where did my Christmas spirit go? I know that it should not be about how much you spent of the gift, but it should focus on the thought more. Apparently, I have little depth of thought. I should have saved up for this time of year and really blew him away with something awesome. Then I realized, I am just like the masses of people that commercialized the season of Christmas.... placing value on what to give. Talk about feeling like a child buying a plastic trinket for their parents and getting something really cool and expensive from them.... What makes it really sad is that I am the child in this scenario compared to DH's generosity.
I believe that there is a lesson learned through all of this.... Either I need to plan farther in advance for the commercialized aspect of Christmas or talk my family into honing back the commercial end of the Christmas season and make our gifts instead of buying them... You know, people buy what they want or what they need all the time... why not use a little imagination and make something instead?
Well, that or just appreciate our government and their drunken sailor spending ways with money that is not theirs to spend to slap people into becoming a little more creative when it comes to celebrating Christmas in the future.....
Monday, December 19, 2011
The inner workings of a saboteur....
After getting up this morning, I realized that today is yet another weigh-in day at my local Weight Watchers meeting. I am really starting to hate the routine that I signed up for. Now, while I have the ability to dream big when it comes to being vain enough to think that losing some weight is going to make me feel better about myself, but my ability to ignore the process is just that much stronger. I am a saboteur of my dreams!
As you all are well aware, I have been struggling with the one thing that every woman struggles with.... their weight. The tomboy in me is kicking the girly side of me for breaking my promise to avoid blogging on my mental floss blog about my journey of shortcomings when it comes to following, or at least trying to adhere to, the Weight Watchers lifestyle. My inner saboteur has been playing a mighty strong hand in stalling that evil scale from going in the direction I want it to go.... DOWN! Probably because I am having a hard time accepting that there are some blessed people that have zero weight issues and can eat anything and never think twice about it. I know that there are plenty of people that are silently working on their own weight demons, but can still have just about anything to eat and still succeed.
The Weight Watchers lifestyle consists of living by a plan that albeit is flexible, is very controlled. Food scales, measuring devises and a value for every food is in place. While fruits and vegetables (well, most of them) are called "free foods", there is a lot of planning that comes to play to figure what point values are and how many of those points are allowed to be eaten. You see, each individual is given a number to follow.... This is called their "daily points" that they are required to eat. Supposedly, this is to teach you where your limitations are. Now, since the program is flexible in your choices, you are strongly urged to make the right choices... whatever they may be. That is where I am really sabotaging like a pro. I have followed the plan like a pro for the first month or so and fell off the WW (aka Weight Watcher) wagon. The last time I looked in the mirror, I was not a rabbit. I am so sick of fruits and vegetables that when the family weekly grocery shopping trip comes about, I cringe in the fresh produce section. These are my "free" foods and are strongly urged to be consumed daily (5 servings a day minimum) and I am running out of ideas to convince me that this is what I should be craving instead of chocolate.... yeah, right (in my most of sarcastic of tone)! Now, since the plan is flexible, I am not denied anything, so I can have chocolate, but am I willing to sacrifice the points? Being a borderline hypoglycemic person, I cannot starve myself for the sake that I wasted 6 points on a little candy bar, so I deny myself the candy bar. Healthy food is not as appealing as convenience stuff, so there is another notch against the WW way.
Being the professional saboteur, I found yet a few other roadblocks that have derailed my WW journey... The economy, picky eaters (DD and DH), and my back. The economy makes it real hard to buy what I need to eat because my picky eaters refuse to join me on a healthier journey and it will rot before I get to consume it all and not totally hate it by the end of the week. DD and DH's menu choices make it hard to eat anything really different and healthy since their main staples are cheese, processed meat, pasta and potatoes. My back as been the constant reminder that going to the gym while dealing with a back spasm so mild that I can function from day to day is taking a risk that I will end up in traction. So basically, I have hit the point that I hate food, I have virtually no correct options to work with that offer variety to interest me to eat, and lazy tendencies out of fear that pushing just a little bit will land me in a back brace. Then, of course, just add on the female DNA issue of wanting to get to my goal weight yesterday, irregardless that I have a long way to go nagging my every thought. Mix in the winter blues, the holidays we cannot afford, and there you have it... a ticking time bomb of self destruction. Stress eating was my only escape, but I have resorted back to nail biting, too.... Just waiting for me to explode because imploding is no longer an option...HA HA HA!!
Well, I did step on the scale this morning and that darn time of the month is due to commence because I am bloated, thus creating another little gain on the scale. I just hate to go in to get weighed at WW on a bloating week. Their sunny disposition makes me want to go postal and their "Oh" comment makes me want to cry. I do have to face it because my life is far from perfect and gaining weight is what I am best at apparently. I just hate being a stress eater when thing do not go my way.... Just another reason to crave that darn chocolate! UGH!
Well, off to face themusic scale.... Have a great day everyone!
As you all are well aware, I have been struggling with the one thing that every woman struggles with.... their weight. The tomboy in me is kicking the girly side of me for breaking my promise to avoid blogging on my mental floss blog about my journey of shortcomings when it comes to following, or at least trying to adhere to, the Weight Watchers lifestyle. My inner saboteur has been playing a mighty strong hand in stalling that evil scale from going in the direction I want it to go.... DOWN! Probably because I am having a hard time accepting that there are some blessed people that have zero weight issues and can eat anything and never think twice about it. I know that there are plenty of people that are silently working on their own weight demons, but can still have just about anything to eat and still succeed.
The Weight Watchers lifestyle consists of living by a plan that albeit is flexible, is very controlled. Food scales, measuring devises and a value for every food is in place. While fruits and vegetables (well, most of them) are called "free foods", there is a lot of planning that comes to play to figure what point values are and how many of those points are allowed to be eaten. You see, each individual is given a number to follow.... This is called their "daily points" that they are required to eat. Supposedly, this is to teach you where your limitations are. Now, since the program is flexible in your choices, you are strongly urged to make the right choices... whatever they may be. That is where I am really sabotaging like a pro. I have followed the plan like a pro for the first month or so and fell off the WW (aka Weight Watcher) wagon. The last time I looked in the mirror, I was not a rabbit. I am so sick of fruits and vegetables that when the family weekly grocery shopping trip comes about, I cringe in the fresh produce section. These are my "free" foods and are strongly urged to be consumed daily (5 servings a day minimum) and I am running out of ideas to convince me that this is what I should be craving instead of chocolate.... yeah, right (in my most of sarcastic of tone)! Now, since the plan is flexible, I am not denied anything, so I can have chocolate, but am I willing to sacrifice the points? Being a borderline hypoglycemic person, I cannot starve myself for the sake that I wasted 6 points on a little candy bar, so I deny myself the candy bar. Healthy food is not as appealing as convenience stuff, so there is another notch against the WW way.
Being the professional saboteur, I found yet a few other roadblocks that have derailed my WW journey... The economy, picky eaters (DD and DH), and my back. The economy makes it real hard to buy what I need to eat because my picky eaters refuse to join me on a healthier journey and it will rot before I get to consume it all and not totally hate it by the end of the week. DD and DH's menu choices make it hard to eat anything really different and healthy since their main staples are cheese, processed meat, pasta and potatoes. My back as been the constant reminder that going to the gym while dealing with a back spasm so mild that I can function from day to day is taking a risk that I will end up in traction. So basically, I have hit the point that I hate food, I have virtually no correct options to work with that offer variety to interest me to eat, and lazy tendencies out of fear that pushing just a little bit will land me in a back brace. Then, of course, just add on the female DNA issue of wanting to get to my goal weight yesterday, irregardless that I have a long way to go nagging my every thought. Mix in the winter blues, the holidays we cannot afford, and there you have it... a ticking time bomb of self destruction. Stress eating was my only escape, but I have resorted back to nail biting, too.... Just waiting for me to explode because imploding is no longer an option...HA HA HA!!
Well, I did step on the scale this morning and that darn time of the month is due to commence because I am bloated, thus creating another little gain on the scale. I just hate to go in to get weighed at WW on a bloating week. Their sunny disposition makes me want to go postal and their "Oh" comment makes me want to cry. I do have to face it because my life is far from perfect and gaining weight is what I am best at apparently. I just hate being a stress eater when thing do not go my way.... Just another reason to crave that darn chocolate! UGH!
Well, off to face the
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Choices....
Well, today is DH's birthday.... Happy birthday to him!... Cradle robber...LOL
I figured that if I was to get married, I would have married someone around my age. I really doubt that a 5 year difference is all that much, but when you get this crazy notion that there is a partner for every person, it makes you wonder...
I have heard stories, albeit really sappy ones, about a boy knowing that this one girl is going to be the one he marries from just one look. I seriously doubt that looking at a baby is the deciding factor in your "soul mate", but there have been stories of mere children, too young to know better, making that decision. While some did happen, others were forgotten once something better came along. Now, I am not saying that DH picked me out of a lineup of babies when he was 5 years old and made that decision... because it was not like that at all. Here is my little story of how I became his wife..... Just if you were interested in knowing...LOL
In September of 1995, I was going through a nasty breakup of sorts and decided that I needed to clear my head by going to have a beer or two. A fairly new bar was in my town and figured that it was as good as any to give it a try. I really did not want to run into anyone I knew because it was my chance to sort my thoughts on my own. As I am not a huge fan of "meat market" bars, I came upon what I thought was a sports bar. Watching sports while unwinding with a beer is just what I needed. Well, it was a sports bar and a meat market in one, but I already got my beer and a spot at the bar, so I decided to stay.
Out of the corner of my eye, I manage to see a group of guys walk in. As I am trying to ignore their entrance, I hear one of the guys try to order an Old Style. As I gagged a little over his request, I could not help but giggle. This guy was quirky beyond all recognition. As he proceeded to rib the bartender over the fact that their establishment does not sell what he considered, "the champagne of beers"and that he "guesses" he will take a MGD, he notices my giggling. Now, he could have considered me a mental case because I was not giggling with a friend, but his curiosity got the best of him and he took the seat next to me and started asking questions. My only reply was that he just made me laugh because I thought Old Style was (in the cleaner of terms), "pee water". As we played the semantics game, bantered back and forth, and laughed some more, I get the bar stool kicked out from under me. Stupid me had the habit of wrapping my legs around the legs of the stool and fell over, being caught by some mini body builder that asks me if I like short guys. I did my best in telling him, "no" and realized that this little fiasco was just what I needed to get my head on straight. My sarcastic wit kicked in and "Mr. Old Style" (as I called him), and I bantered back and forth. Laughs took over and he decides to offer to change the oil in my car for me. He proceeds to tell me that he owns a garage in Palatine (my hometown) and figured he would at least get to see me again. Thinking this is some lousy attempt at a pick up line, I took his business card and forgot about it.
Weeks went by and somehow "Mr. Old Style" seemed to show up everywhere I was. Thinking I was being stalked, I confronted him and learned quite quickly that he was not, but he was glad that I had such good taste in drinking establishments. After roughly a half a dozen attempts to get me to take my car in to get the oil changed, I caved in and decided to let him do that for me. Even though I already knew how to change the oil in my car because of my admiration of my big brother I learned how do that. I did look up to my brother for a lot of things, but I doubt he really ever noticed. Thinking that "Mr. Old Style" was no threat, I figured that he has been a good friend and only wanted to help.
After quite a few beers on a Friday night, we agreed to get my oil change the next day. Being one to keep my promises, I dragged my hungover self to his garage. "Mr. Old Style" was dragging his heels to get there and saunters in looking for coffee. He looks up and sees me standing there with one of his employees and announces the obvious... "You look like crap". My reply was, "You don't look much better". And there it is.... I get an oil change and an honest "compliment", if you want to call it. The rest was filled with laughter, his clumsy antics and a proposal that I accepted. Well, that is... until the "I do's" were exchanged. Being married changes the dynamic of the friendship we have.
I do have one corny thing to share..... When I was waiting for him to get to the garage and change my oil, his employee that was there did share one thing with me..... The day after he first met me and kicked out the bar stool from under me... he was kicking himself. He told this guy that he met the woman he wants to marry and kicks the stool out from under her. He thought he "screwed the goose" when he did that. I can only gather that he was quite relieved that I have a sense of humor because I did marry him. If I didn't, it can only make a person wonder where my choice would be.
I just feel sorry for our daughter because the days of romance and sweeping a girl off her feet did not apply to the story about how her parents met..... Well, I was swept off my feet. Just not in the conventionally romantic way....
Thanks for reading....
I figured that if I was to get married, I would have married someone around my age. I really doubt that a 5 year difference is all that much, but when you get this crazy notion that there is a partner for every person, it makes you wonder...
I have heard stories, albeit really sappy ones, about a boy knowing that this one girl is going to be the one he marries from just one look. I seriously doubt that looking at a baby is the deciding factor in your "soul mate", but there have been stories of mere children, too young to know better, making that decision. While some did happen, others were forgotten once something better came along. Now, I am not saying that DH picked me out of a lineup of babies when he was 5 years old and made that decision... because it was not like that at all. Here is my little story of how I became his wife..... Just if you were interested in knowing...LOL
In September of 1995, I was going through a nasty breakup of sorts and decided that I needed to clear my head by going to have a beer or two. A fairly new bar was in my town and figured that it was as good as any to give it a try. I really did not want to run into anyone I knew because it was my chance to sort my thoughts on my own. As I am not a huge fan of "meat market" bars, I came upon what I thought was a sports bar. Watching sports while unwinding with a beer is just what I needed. Well, it was a sports bar and a meat market in one, but I already got my beer and a spot at the bar, so I decided to stay.
Out of the corner of my eye, I manage to see a group of guys walk in. As I am trying to ignore their entrance, I hear one of the guys try to order an Old Style. As I gagged a little over his request, I could not help but giggle. This guy was quirky beyond all recognition. As he proceeded to rib the bartender over the fact that their establishment does not sell what he considered, "the champagne of beers"and that he "guesses" he will take a MGD, he notices my giggling. Now, he could have considered me a mental case because I was not giggling with a friend, but his curiosity got the best of him and he took the seat next to me and started asking questions. My only reply was that he just made me laugh because I thought Old Style was (in the cleaner of terms), "pee water". As we played the semantics game, bantered back and forth, and laughed some more, I get the bar stool kicked out from under me. Stupid me had the habit of wrapping my legs around the legs of the stool and fell over, being caught by some mini body builder that asks me if I like short guys. I did my best in telling him, "no" and realized that this little fiasco was just what I needed to get my head on straight. My sarcastic wit kicked in and "Mr. Old Style" (as I called him), and I bantered back and forth. Laughs took over and he decides to offer to change the oil in my car for me. He proceeds to tell me that he owns a garage in Palatine (my hometown) and figured he would at least get to see me again. Thinking this is some lousy attempt at a pick up line, I took his business card and forgot about it.
Weeks went by and somehow "Mr. Old Style" seemed to show up everywhere I was. Thinking I was being stalked, I confronted him and learned quite quickly that he was not, but he was glad that I had such good taste in drinking establishments. After roughly a half a dozen attempts to get me to take my car in to get the oil changed, I caved in and decided to let him do that for me. Even though I already knew how to change the oil in my car because of my admiration of my big brother I learned how do that. I did look up to my brother for a lot of things, but I doubt he really ever noticed. Thinking that "Mr. Old Style" was no threat, I figured that he has been a good friend and only wanted to help.
After quite a few beers on a Friday night, we agreed to get my oil change the next day. Being one to keep my promises, I dragged my hungover self to his garage. "Mr. Old Style" was dragging his heels to get there and saunters in looking for coffee. He looks up and sees me standing there with one of his employees and announces the obvious... "You look like crap". My reply was, "You don't look much better". And there it is.... I get an oil change and an honest "compliment", if you want to call it. The rest was filled with laughter, his clumsy antics and a proposal that I accepted. Well, that is... until the "I do's" were exchanged. Being married changes the dynamic of the friendship we have.
I do have one corny thing to share..... When I was waiting for him to get to the garage and change my oil, his employee that was there did share one thing with me..... The day after he first met me and kicked out the bar stool from under me... he was kicking himself. He told this guy that he met the woman he wants to marry and kicks the stool out from under her. He thought he "screwed the goose" when he did that. I can only gather that he was quite relieved that I have a sense of humor because I did marry him. If I didn't, it can only make a person wonder where my choice would be.
I just feel sorry for our daughter because the days of romance and sweeping a girl off her feet did not apply to the story about how her parents met..... Well, I was swept off my feet. Just not in the conventionally romantic way....
Thanks for reading....
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