I am torn between kicking myself for being a hypocrite or I should chalk up this year as my learning experience for the future....
Christmas is supposed to be that time of year to offer peace and goodwill in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. As we all know, peace and goodwill should not have a season for the reason, but should be offered at all times. Everyone is suffering financial struggles and sadly, Christmas has become too commercialized to really focus on what it should be about. I even took the time to read a little about what Christmas (and its traditions) are all about. I just seem to have some conflicting thoughts about it all.
Christmas is widely known as the time to celebrate the birth of our moral savior, Jesus Christ. Being a mystery in how he was born was enough to show that miracles can happen. He was conceived in the womb of a virgin and was born with ridicule to his name. His father is God, an entity that has never been seen, but has been believed to be the creator of all things in his image. Jesus' existence was created to educate everyone he could in believing in God, the higher power to all, and to follow the rules bestowed upon them. While there has been controversy in every aspect to Christ and Christmas, the actual date Christ was born is not to be believed to be on December 25, the traditions that seem to have roots in Pagan rituals for the winter solstice, the religious variations of in belief, the perceptions of how to celebrate, and even how the word "Christmas" has caused for political correctness when church and state are to be separate. We could even mention how stories and characters have become a part of what was not to be such a complicated time of year. Characters like Santa Claus, Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer, Frosty the snowman, and such taking center stage to what Christmas is supposed to be about. While it is understood that children have no interest in what the true meaning of Christmas is, we tend to fuel the fire of commercialism with gifts we cannot afford. I guess that is why I seem to relate more to Linus when he explained the meaning of Christmas to Charlie Brown...
This is where I have been feeling like I am a hypocrite... I have lost focus on what Christmas is supposed to be about. I have tried for a long time to teach DD how to appreciate all that comes her way, to not be expecting of lavish luxuries, to think of others, and to learn that the true meaning of Christmas is not about gifts, but about something greater. Sadly, there are stronger forces out there that managed to taint the true meaning and where the focus should be laid upon.
I did try to start off this season of celebration as true to what I thought it should be this year. I have done what I could to save DH any additional headaches when it comes to our finances and I still failed miserably. Just a month ago, I had the wind knocked out of me when it came to what DH had to sacrifice in order to put new tires on my truck. As I thanked him profusely for his efforts and asked for nothing more than to try to be as helpful as I can with my part time job and no prospects of finding more stable work, I took it upon myself to do the family Christmas shopping with what I alone earned and did not use a credit card. Knowing that what I did manage to get was less than exciting (clothes, pj's, socks, underwear, and the like), I decided that I should do one additional thing to cement the idea that I have zero greed in my blood by refusing to ask for anything for myself for Christmas. As Jesus Christ sacrificed his life for absolution of sin to his followers, I decided to sacrifice getting a gift for the sheer fact that it would not put a strain on the family finances. I know, it sounds like I was being the martyr when I thought of it, but something needed to be done so DH would not think of Divorce being a possible solution to our financial struggles again. As lousy of an idea that was, I wanted to at least try to not be as much of a burden, financially, with my decision to not ask for anything. Stupid me, mentioned that I wanted a Kindle Fire. Darn thing costs $200, and he willingly went ahead and got me one. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Now, DH is getting things he needs instead of stuff he would want while I got something really cool.
What makes me feel even more like a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe is that what I make from my part time job does not offer much in an income to get anything worthy of getting a childlike sparkle in DH's eyes this Christmas. Where did my Christmas spirit go? I know that it should not be about how much you spent of the gift, but it should focus on the thought more. Apparently, I have little depth of thought. I should have saved up for this time of year and really blew him away with something awesome. Then I realized, I am just like the masses of people that commercialized the season of Christmas.... placing value on what to give. Talk about feeling like a child buying a plastic trinket for their parents and getting something really cool and expensive from them.... What makes it really sad is that I am the child in this scenario compared to DH's generosity.
I believe that there is a lesson learned through all of this.... Either I need to plan farther in advance for the commercialized aspect of Christmas or talk my family into honing back the commercial end of the Christmas season and make our gifts instead of buying them... You know, people buy what they want or what they need all the time... why not use a little imagination and make something instead?
Well, that or just appreciate our government and their drunken sailor spending ways with money that is not theirs to spend to slap people into becoming a little more creative when it comes to celebrating Christmas in the future.....
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