Hello. It has been a little while since I blogged about anything. I am not sure why I feel the need to share on this topic, but the need presented itself, so here goes.....
Have you ever heard the phrase, "It's not you... it's me"? Usually, this phrase is used as a go-to for breaking up with a person that you feel compelled to not hurt their feelings in the process. I really doubt that the person getting dumped is accepting this excuse as fact regardless of how compelling the person dumping them is shelling it out. At least I was never all that agreeable with the excuse, but when I heard that phrase a time or two from my past.... I accepted it with grace and moved on. There were some times I actually felt that this phrase was accurate more than not. Their loss, my gain is all I have to say about that.
Well, when that phrase is used to describe a situation that you have dealt with for years.... It actually is more hurtful than helpful. Here is what I mean....
For the 15+ years I have been with DH, I can say that I have done roughly 99% of the cooking. DH has attempted to cook for me only a couple of times and most of it was reheating leftovers. There were two times he cooked from start to finish. One time was scrambled eggs after I came home from getting my gall bladder taken out. The other time was when he actually tried to cook from a recipe. That one time actually scared me a little. When as person asks "what does tsp mean? and what is the difference between a tsp and a TBSP.", a person will stand up and take notice that there is room for grave error.
Now, in "normal" home situations, the one cooking gets blessed with the one eating doing the dishes for them. That is not the case here, apparently. Well, upon recent events.... It does not happen when I cook only.
Just a couple of days ago, DD decided to help me with making dinner. She realized that when we do the weekly shopping, I select one meal that does not require really any cooking skills. If you can heat an oven, boil water, or use the microwave... you can have dinner done rather quickly. The idiot-proof dinner of the week was pasta with jarred pasta sauce. Something both DD and DH can handle without much problems, but usually ended up being my responsibility anyway. Well, DD took the initiative to boil the water and add the pasta from the box. Once she did that, she asked me how long the pasta needs to cook. I told her to read the box and the answer will be there for her and she was off being the "chef" for the evening. After dinner was "made", we ate. THEN, the most strange thing happened....
DH washed the dishes!?!?!?!? Without being asked!?!?!?!? AND no complaining about it???? WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?????
As I have mentioned, I have done roughly 99% of the cooking here and not once has DH offered to wash the dishes without complaint or argument. I thought it must be some kind of fluke that this was happening, but I came to the quick realization that DH is willing to assist DD, but not me. Huh, I wonder if I had DD do all the cooking... would DH do all the dishes, too? Well, that plan was short-lived since DD has shown no interest in cooking since and I have done the cooking. Which, by the way, resulted in me washing the dishes afterwards.
Yep, a classic case of "it's just me". Somehow I am the hub of the situation. I don't get to warrant getting any help. Probably because I happen to do everything myself. The reason why it is like this? Because no matter how hard I try to entice my family to participate in even one measly chore, it would sit there... unattended to... until I go and take care of it myself. Trust me, I have tried to turn a blind eye to the pile of dishes in the sink. I have tried to turn a blind eye to the pile of laundry, the un-swept floor, the dusty furniture, the garbage sitting on the table, and even the stuffed garbage can that needs to be emptied. I don't even have that low of a threshold of patience because I once went into complete shutdown mode for a solid week when it came to general cleaning, two weeks for laundry detail, and at least a full day when it comes to the dishes.
Well, I just do not know where to go from here. My family is more determined to do nothing and have me do it all. That is definitely something to be concerned about, but there was one shred of hope in this miserable found fact from theory.... If I was ever to become incapacitated, they do happen to help each other out if they were forced to do it. Doubtful that it would be very long lived, since restaurants do exist, maid services can be hired, and laundromats have drop off/pick up services. I just happen to save money by doing all of this for them and not get paid to do so. It is a very sad thought that I am considered the cheap labor.... better yet.... the free labor.
*Oh, by the way... During the past week, I have been called in to work from the substitute list and earned something to help with the family finances. Of course, it is not something consistent, but what I earned has gone towards the bills which makes DH happy. I am still trying to find more stable work with a stable paycheck, but getting called in from time to time is definitely a welcome thing. Sadly, being away from home does not guarantee help from the family to maintain the house. I still do that when I walk in the door at the end of the day. I just wonder..... can I keep up doing everything for everyone in the long haul? I am a little too tired to answer that.
Well, thanks for reading and have a great day!
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