I can only guess....

Good afternoon!  Well, basically it is almost evening, but when the need to blog strikes.... it is best to just get it over with.  Let's begin... shall we?

Okay, I am not saying that life and work are perfect.  We just don't live in an ideal existence where what we want is there for the taking or even handed to us on a silver platter.  Life is hard, work takes effort, and the driving force to obtain what we seek takes determination.  With every aspect of life, it takes the desire to push yourself forward.  We take chances and hope for the best, but learn from the worst.  It boils down to adaptability.  Being able to adapt and accept change in order to grow.

I guess the reason I am sharing this thought brings me to remember a statement given to me years ago when I was in Cosmetology school.

"You are the maker of your own success story. Success does not just land in your lap with a pretty bow on it.  It takes effort, it takes patience, and it takes skill.  Skills can be taught, but only you can utilize your skills to create a successful career.  Without effort, patience and skill.... you will not succeed."

That statement (obviously, not verbatim), has been the mantra that has kept me level headed in my line of work.  Well, that and being a reasonable person.  I have close to 30 years experience in Cosmetology and have been a darn good hairdresser.  Sadly, I have also been the best kept secret for most of my clients, so my client base has not exactly been built upon referrals.  It has been built on satisfied clients.  What seems to miff me into a tizzy these days is the environment I have been working in for these past 10-12 years.  I just don't get it.... why is there fewer and fewer people with a strong work ethic?

Over the years, I have worked at various jobs.  Working in a hair salon has been my constant.  If I was not working full time at a salon, I was working part time.  I think it was in my 20's that I ventured away from full time hair salon work and went to part time while I worked in an office for the sheer purpose of having health insurance and a more steady paycheck.  Working in a hair salon is a feast or famine lifestyle.  There are times you are so busy, you forget to eat and there are times you are lacking things to do that you would rather be at home asleep than sitting at a salon waiting for a client to walk in.  In this line of work, especially in a commission based environment, you only earn from your billable services provided.  Meaning: if you are sitting around, doing nothing... you are earning nothing.  Thus, the concept of feast and famine.  It is rewarding work, but it takes a strong person to weather the highs and lows.  Sadly, some people lack the strength.  Here is what I mean....

I stayed at a salon for several years and struggled to make a paycheck that leaves me with some pocket money.  The environment was professional, but not in the same breath.  If you were not a huge money maker behind the chair, you are shuffled into the dark corner and forgotten when new opportunities arise.  Makes it really hard when your goal is to become one of the money making elite, but ending up being the chump change overflow person.  That person that always gets the out of town wedding parties that offer zero chance of getting any repeat business.  I know that being part time puts me at a disadvantage, but when your boss knows that you want to build up to a full time status and just doesn't seem to care.... well, then you can guess that achieving that goal is just as possible as digging a well with a pair of tweezers.  After several years of loyalty and determination to keep trying... I felt I had to seek a job elsewhere.  Sadly, the next place I went to work was just as dismal, but I was determined to keep trying.

Now, not to say that I hate my job, but I hate my situation is a fair assessment.  Going from one back-stabbing situation to another would make you scratch your head in disbelief that a person as smart as I am could do that, but here I am.... I have done it again.  Luckily, the situation does have potential to put me on more firm ground to build a new foundation of clients.  Since my last place of employment did not allow me to keep client records, I have basically started from ground zero all over again.  I am proud to say that I have managed to build a good starting point over this past year, but I am starting to tire of the childish antics that happen in the workplace and fear that it will affect my ability to grow as a professional.  Especially, when the childish antics are pushing me to react before thinking first.  Here is what I am getting at for today's blog post....

I can only guess that a person has a limit to how much effort is put out.  I work in an environment that should be filled with driven people that would work in a team-like fashion to not just support their fellow coworker, but to to encourage them to be the best that they can possibly be.... sadly, that is not the case.  I work in an environment that consists of people lacking the drive, lacking the passion, and in all honesty.... lacking the ability to be a cohesive team.  Some people choose to back-stab and poach clients, others choose to not bother coming in to work, while others have no staying power to weather the lows in client flow with late starts and early leaving.  Heck, some cannot commit to a schedule from week to week.  Tension is high as management is not exactly managing the situation.  Most likely due to becoming tired of constantly trying to wrangle the straying staff and letting them just sink or swim.  Sure, the opportunity to build a clientele is there.  Heck, I am proof positive of that.  It is the animosity that is affecting my attitude.  The dull tarnishing the shine of passion for what we do.  I just wonder.... when will things change in a positive way?  Will it be before or after rock bottom hits?  Will it ever happen if this train of destruction continues to pick up speed?  And how can we stop the damage from increasing?  Heck, how did this even start?

Is it possible that the lack of drive is from lack of consistency?  Is it from lack of passion?  Is it lack of management?  Is it just from exposure to those few toxic people that poison the environment?  Is it from the inability to change and grow?  I just cannot seem to get a finger on what is causing this in order to fix it, but is it really my job to fix it?  I am not a manager, I am not the owner, but I am the maker of my own success.  Does that qualify me to put in even more effort to fix this to help the others?  Or should I just focus on only my career and not bother with the business that hired me to be part of their non-team-like team?  If not.... then, how do I instill a positive work environment when the non-positive forces are prevailing?  I do know that in the past, I worked with people that lacked the drive to go beyond what what was expected.  Just meeting the basic requirement was good enough for them.  I, on the other hand, had a strong work ethic to go beyond the bare minimum.  Of course, when it came to growth in an office environment.... I was held back under the thumb of management because I did more than most and never sought out credit for it.  In fact, it made management look so good with minimal effort on their part, they just sat back and reaped the rewards.  Frustration seemed to take center stage with me and I ended up changing jobs in order to go up one rung of the corporate ladder.  When I finally landed in a field that I did well in, I was yet again bombarded with extra work from other departments to pick up their slack.  The stress pushed me into a continual battle with panic attacks and general anxiety disorder.  In order to get off the Xanax and see clearly, I had to leave what I thought was going to be my dream career and continue with my first passion of doing hair.  Sadly, recent events have been making me wonder if I can survive if I keep ending up in less than optimal mental health situations.  With the way the economy is.... I have no college degree with work experience in anything beyond being a Cosmetologist (also known as a hairdresser).  Sure, I could work in fast food, but even there has the less than driven people moseying around, doing the bare minimum.  I would love to be my own boss, but I do not have the capital to do so.  Heck, I am not even sure I want to deal with what I am dealing with on the level of being a business owner.  I just wish I knew why people are the way they are.  I also hope that things will get better for all.

Well, this little release of thought has helped a little.  Not much, since I have no solution to the problem that I really have no control over.  All I can control is myself, but in a way to accept or adapt to not let the environment get the best of me is going to be a challenge.  Thanks for reading!

To what end??

Good morning!  Quick blog entry before I leave for work.....

Question of the day:  TO WHAT END IS THE THRESHOLD FOR TOLERANCE??

There is a student at DD's school that has been openly transgender for a while.  Upon assumptions of many, rumor has it that the parents embraced their son's desire to become a girl.  Not all that sure why he would want to be a girl.  Being a girl in a basically male dominant world is tough.  Regardless of fighting for equality in pay and jobs, the traditional views of women being the weaker sex still prevails.  Being a woman, I can disagree on many levels with that assessment, but when it boils down to financial worth and career growth, there is a serious divide.  We, as women, have the potential to being stronger than out male counterparts.  The physical pain of a monthly menstrual cycle can put the strongest of men to their knees, as well as the pain of childbirth, puts women on top when it comes to pain tolerance.  Women work harder just to get the recognition they feel they deserve as well as the respect they desire.  Women, regardless of race, color, and creed, has always been a minority.  It has been the rule and there has not been an exception.  What makes me wonder is.... how can a person, born into what is seen as the majority desire to become a minority?  It is definitely not going to turn the tables and create a level the playing field.  As I said earlier.... a traditionally taught rule and not an exception.  In all honesty.... I have no qualms with differences.

More and more people are "coming out of the closet" with their less than traditional gender roles, sexual preferences, and whatnot.  I see it as something that I can accept.  If Bob wants to wear a dress and be called Sally...  Go for it!  If Jack and Joe are in love with each other and want to build a family... Knock yourself out!  Same goes for the Daisy and Meg lesbian couples out there.  Do what you want.... be who you want to be, but please, oh please....  Respect my personal space bubble.

Well, back to topic before I run late for work....  This transgender student has decided that a separate space in a girls locker room is not enough encroaching on personal space bubbles and is demanding to be allowed to be naked in a girl's locker room.  To shower and change with their apparent like-minded views, but here is the difference..... The transgender does not have the same physical appearance as the other girls. Definitely a HUGE line is being crossed in the respect of a person's personal space bubble.

After the latest school board meeting.... the school district fought as well as they could, but could not handle being denied federal funding for less fortunate families to get a quality education, and is allowing this transgender student the all access pass to the girl's locker room.  Yet again a screaming sign that the female gender has zero rights of their equality of respect to their own personal space bubble when a transgender boy gets his way and pushes girls to look at his life path.

So comforting to know that the rights of women are now being revoked at an even younger age.  These female students are minors and are now forced to embrace even less offered to them when it comes to THEIR rights for a safe haven to change for P.E. class.  I just wonder....  To what end is this world going to take away the rights to individuals that are not rocking the boat with shock and awe to what has been seen as the norm?  When will the madness end??

Gotta go to work.  Sorry I couldn't share more.  Especially, the other points of view that I have floating around in my head.  There is much more that needs to be said, so much needs to be figured out, just so much....

The color of glasses...

There has been a phrase that has been used that everyone seems to recognize and it has become a consuming thought I have had for the past few days.  That phrase is....

"Seeing the world through rose colored glasses"

A safe assumption, is that using the thought that rose colored glasses gives the person looking through them see life as something always positive in a sense that it is blind to other factors that are not so rosy.  I get it, but I have a hard time accepting that every aspect of life is on the up and up.  Especially, when being offered to try on other colors of glasses to look at the same situation in a different light.  Here is what I am thinking....

I have some friends, so cynical that it can be seen as pessimistic.  Call it, "the sky is falling" kind of mentality.  Everything is a conspiracy and everyone is out to get them.  Not one shred of proof will sway them to believe anything different.  I call that color of glasses.... gray.

Then, there are the friends that are so focused on one thing that it puts them in a category that can only be noted as having a severe case of blinder syndrome.  Better seen as tunnel vision.  I would say that their color of glasses would be black, but that would be an inaccurate way of describing that small opening in the center that sets a laser like focus on the one thing that they are focused on.  Simply put, there is another branch of black glasses that are so dark and impenetrable to seeing anything are those that choose to remain blissfully ignorant to what is happening around them.  Then, there are the ones with blue glasses that only focus on the sadness that surrounds them.  They feed off of mysery.  Sometimes mistaken for being too compassionate for the well being of others.  Of course, we cannot ignore the green glasses that highlight jealousy over everything around them.  The jealousy that they don't have what others have.  Then, there are the red glasses.  Red with anger at everything and nothing at all.  Just bitter at the world and always ready for a fight.  Yellow, rainbow, purple, and whatever color or pattern you choose can easily describe the beliefs swirling in their minds.  Simply put, it is the perceptions that people choose to grasp onto that makes them all individuals.

While I would love to say that I am one that prefers to wear clear glasses when looking at things, I have to admit that there have been times that I donned a pair, or two, that were not crystal clear.  I would like to see things in varying angles and in varying colors.  It makes life more interesting.  Sadly, my glasses have become a swirling mass of contradictions and colors because there has been far too much exposure to compelling arguments that do happen to have a leg to stand upon.  Here are my thoughts lately about a few things.....

Recently, Paris, France was attacked by a group of people disguised as refugees running from a horrific situation.  While my heart weeps for those that only want peace, my blood boils at the ability for someone with an ulterior motive to attack innocent people that are only trying to help.  Knowing that the obvious history of my family heritage states that my ancestors immigrated to the United States, I can only assume that their desire was not to run, but to embrace a new life in a new land.  Doing what they can to meld and mix with their new surroundings as a sign of respect for the customs, as well as the language.  What managed to bother me is how someone with an inability to embrace differences, places a literal and unsettling emphasis of something that not everyone can accept is a religion or faith, and lash out in such an evil manner.  While it is a freedom to choose your faith, it is not a right to inflict pain upon people that do not agree with you.  Innocent lives are at stake and I am sickened to the core.  I am fearful that regardless of what decisions are made to allow refugees to enter other countries with different customs, traditions, and beliefs.... life is now even more fragile now than it ever was.  If we were to strip all the faith, beliefs, and customs of people.... there would be nothing to be passionate about.  It does not exactly put the masses in a substantially safer situation, but it does change where the passion lies.  I am all for helping the innocent, but I am not willing to sacrifice my safety to my friends and family on the chance of welcoming a terrorist with open arms and the desire to be a compassionate humanitarian.  I wonder.... what color my glasses are with that statement?

On a more local note, there has been a major upheaval over gender equality.  In all honesty, I believe every person is to be treated with respect... equally.  What I have a problem with is forcing a situation as volatile as body image where it should not be forced.  You see, there is a boy at my daughter's school.  He believes that he is a woman trapped in a man's body.  His choice of clothing are what you would normally see on females, but what lies under the clothing is all male.  While I am okay with his desire to become what he believes is on the inside.... I have a serious issue with forcing my daughter the image of what is under their clothes in an environment that is already as stressful as it is..... the locker room.  A room where the outer layers of a person (clothing) are shed in front of others.  As history states, or in the eyes of most.... boys are to change clothes with boys and girls are to change clothes with girls.  I happen to be a firm believer in that.  While some will argue that gender discrimination does not exactly apply when a mother changes a baby boy's diaper, or a father changing a diaper to his baby girl.  Heck, it does not apply when a physician is doing their job and has to deal with the anatomy of the opposite sex.  Yes, it is just a body, but this situation can also be seen as something beyond the clinical.  While I cannot judge one family from the next... most families keep their unclothed bodies behind closed doors and is only shared with a person that they are comfortable with.  My husband does not run around the house naked, and neither do my daughter and I.  It is respect for not just ourselves, but respect of others to keep things to ourselves.  Do I have a problem with a boy thinking he is a girl?  Nope.  Do I have an issue with a boy being naked in a girl's locker room?  You betcha I do!  What you have under your clothes is none of my business, just as well as what you do behind closed doors (sexual orientation).  As long as it does not hurt anyone and respects the individual boundaries placed by others around them.... I have no qualms.  I just don't appreciate being forced to accept something that I don't need to see.  That is where I firmly believe in turning the other cheek, looking away, and not bothering to understand. Be who you are.... embrace it.  Just don't force me to embrace it.  I can accept, but not embrace.  Hmmm.... what color are my glasses now?

While I have more topics to share, I need to stop here.  All those swirling colors, tones and shades are muddying my view.  Time to get my day going.  I'll see what I can share another day, so stay tuned and thanks for reading.....

Never forgotten....

Everyone has a person, or people, that tend to invoke a plethora of memories.  WHEW!  Talk about cranking out the thesaurus for the big words today with that statement... ha ha ha!  Okay, okay, okay.... enough of the rambled and jumbled segues into other areas of thought today.

(Note to self: just get to the darn point and not scatter the blogging flow.)

Just the other day, it was Veterans Day.  A day to remember and reflect upon those that chose to make sacrifices for the greater good of the country.  I am pretty sure that everyone can think of at least one person that served time in the military.  It could be the Army, Navy, Air Force, or even the Marines  Their capacities can range from reservists to career military, from office work to fighting on the front lines.  It really does not matter what you choose to focus on, but we can safely say that there is at least one person you knew that served.  Some are graced with being brought back to their families alive, while some sadly, were not.  In the grand scheme of things.... war is Hell and only the truly strong of mind and body manage to survive the experience.  Not saying that those that were injured or killed were any less strong, but it takes a different kind of strength to overcome the brutality of war.

While taking the time to fondly remember people that have touched my life that happen to have been far braver and stronger that I could ever possibly be, I grasped onto a bit of information that was just presented to me over the past week or so before this day of remembering came about.  It was a service that I never got to see first hand that assists the injured, and not just the physically injured, either.  It is the journey from military experience to the experiences of non military life.  The mental anguish of seeing loss of life first hand and the insecurities of feeling safe.  Some may call it PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but others see it as trying to separate the bad from the good.  The bad, being the danger of war and the threats to life it possesses.  The good is waking up to see another day.  Sadly, even the knowledge of living another day can be hard on a person when someone close to them did not get blessed with that same fate.  Military families are just that.... families.  Their bond is beyond blood, but is in some ways connected through blood.  They stand tall and fight a good fight together.  Their connection is indescribable.  Witnessing the light leaving a fellow soldier's eyes is capable of knocking even the most physically strongest to their knees.  While I can go on with this descriptive thought (or perception in my opinion), I would be missing the point of this blog, so I will march on....

What I learned recently was at a fundraiser for assistance to our injured military.  Now, when I think of injured military, I think of those commercial ads that ask for donations to The Wounded Warrior Project.  You know the ones I am talking about, but if you don't.... it is for military personnel that lost an arm, leg, or suffer from a brain injury.  The visual scars of the dangers these brave men and women took.  What I did not seem to acknowledge were the ones that suffer mental scars.  It was not because I wasn't aware of what PTSD was, or even know what anxiety or depression are all about.  Believe me... I am fully aware.  I battle with anxiety on a daily basis.  I suffer with bouts of depression that make me cut myself off from social situations.  While I know that mental disorders are not visible to the naked eye, it was a curiosity that spurned me into looking at what is being done for these internally scarred warriors.  I found one of the answers at that fundraiser.  It is called Kare9.

Kare9 is a service that provides therapy dogs to assist in treating those hidden scars from war.  These dogs are trained to bring calm to the chaos and I met two of these angels just recently.  Their names are Flex and Susie.  Both are golden retrievers.  Understanding the way this service helps these selfless warriors is something I can truly appreciate.  As I stood and talked with their handlers, both are veterans, I did not realize that my stresses of the day earlier were easily seen by these two dogs.  Their calming presence was heightened when Flex leaned against my leg.  Just being close brought my hand to his fur and the calming sensation of softness and strength, eased my frazzled nerves.  You see, as I stated earlier, I battle with anxiety on an almost daily basis.  I have my good days, but I have my bad ones, too.  I do my best to keep moving, but there are times I just prefer to be left alone with nothing to do except read another book on my Kindle or play a game on my phone.  That day I met Flex and Susie, I was having one of those days that I wanted to go hide in my reading, but I left work to at least make an appearance of support to a cause that I believe in and that my older brother helps promote.  It's an annual thing and I haven't been there the previous year and I felt bad about that.  Doing my best to trudge over my little panic attacks for being farther than a 5 minute ride from home is what I did to make my appearance.  Needless to say.... Flex and his heightened ability to sense my discomfort did what he is trained to do and that just blew my mind... just a little.  Then, as the handler for Susie saw me sit down, Susie hopped onto my lap to let me give a much needed hug of thanks.  Tears were threatening to flow freely from my eyes at the intelligence and strength of purpose to bring calm to people.  That just totally blew my mind.

From battle lines in other countries to the struggles at home, it is rarely ever seen that dogs play such a strong role in both.  The silent and stoic creature that does their job, and does it well.  The respect that should be placed before them, never screamed from mountaintops, nor given a day of their own, but appreciated nonetheless.... I can say that I have another person, or better yet - a dog, to be thankful for and to never be forgotten.  From dogs that offer therapy, to dogs that sniff out danger, to dogs that take the very front of the battle lines.... Thank You!  You are now a permanent member of the list of people that offer good memories to recall upon when I need them.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!!

I'd like to thank.....

Good morning!  There is a hum of excitement still hanging in the air at the good old homestead and the reason is because.....

I achieved a goal that DH had his doubts on.

Back in 2011 (I think it was that year... it has been a while, though), DH landed himself in the hospital in the beginning stages of congestive heart failure due to an irregular heartbeat called atrial fibrillation.  Fluid in his lungs was making it hard for him to breathe, resting pulse rate well over 150 beats per minute, blood pressure only to be described as through the roof.  I was scared, angry, and demanding the doctors to do more to help him get better.  Basically, I was a wreck, trying to keep it together.  Regardless of how often DH was less than kind towards me verbally or basically nowhere near what I thought a husband should be when I married him (he seemed to never take marriage seriously)... I wanted him to live a long and healthy life.  Sadly, I knew it was going to be a battle, but a battle I was willing to fight.

DH has a really lousy selection of foods he would eat.  Yep, a picky eater to the bone, he is better described as a 4 year old in a food jag.  The list of things he would eat is easier to recite than the list of foods her just flat out refuses to even try.  Always seeming to be last in line for fruits and vegetables, but first in line for processed meats, butter and cheese.  Yep, a challenge was set before me and I was having my doubts that I could achieve convincing him to change his ways.  DH is a heavy man, not exactly looking obese to me, but not in the correct weight category that the medical field sees as ideal for a man his height.  In light of his picky eating tendencies, he did possess some preferences that made me jealous.  Especially when it came to salads.  While I would to have salad dressing on my salad, he would rather eat his salad with none, saving hundreds of calories in that stubborn act of his impressed me.  I can only guess that is why I just can't get my calorie count down enough to make a significant weight loss for my bathroom scale.

Well, with DH's picky ways of wanting only processed sausage, cheese and butter.... he was diagnosed with the only obvious outcome.... he has high cholesterol.  While it has been noted that cholesterol issues are not only prevalent in what you eat, it can also be a genetic issue.  Especially, when there is a family history of heart disease, of which there is for DH.  This is where my challenge was placed before me.

Since DH's release from the hospital with his heart shocked back into regular rhythm, the fluids cleared from his lungs, his blood pressure controlled with medications.... DH started taking his health seriously.  First with quitting smoking, and then adding an evening walk every night.  He made sure to take his medications regularly and he cut out caffeine completely.  His weight was an issue, but he looked at me for help.  Being challenged to get his weight down, I worked hard at changing his favorite meals into something healthier.  Instead of beef burgers, I made turkey burgers.  Instead of pork sausage, I made turkey or chicken sausage.  Tacos were made with ground chicken instead of ground beef.  Pasta meals were limited to once a week or twice a month.  These small changes helped DH lose weight.  Not as much as he was hoping for, but he was losing weight.

Well, the doctor felt that his efforts were not enough because while I did change most of his favorite foods, his cholesterol was considered high.  His total cholesterol number ranged between 205 and 215.  The holidays and his annual fishing trip with friends would spike it up to around 220 and 225.  With his cholesterol being checked every three months, DH was losing his patience with his doctor and his constant nagging that his cholesterol is high and asked for my help.  Knowing that this was going to be a challenge of epic proportions, I figured that I could at least suggest a few other changes to make a difference.  Those changes had his total cholesterol hovering around the 205 mark and stayed there for about a year.  His weight was starting to climb again and I was fighting an uphill battle with DH over his love of cheese and butter.... again.  At least the processed meats were getting controlled.  That is, if he didn't dig into the package of bratwurst his parents gave him as a thank you for helping them out.

After each cholesterol check was done, there was no real change in the better.  About three months ago, DH was left to eat whatever he could get his hands on while DD was in the hospital with pancreatic issues and I remained by her side at the hospital.  Of course, this just happened to happen the night before DH was to get another cholesterol check blood draw.  A few days after getting the test done, DH saw the doctor for his results.  It was not good.  His cholesterol shot up from 203 to 246!  Needless to say.... DH was not a happy camper.  I asked the right questions and shook my head at the answers I got from him....

The night before his test, his dinner consisted of a bag of Fritos corn chips and an ice cream cone.  I have a feeling he most likely got himself a burger from a drive thru with fries, but he says he didn't.  I knew right away that fried chips and dairy are cholesterol no-nos and tried to calm his nerves, but he was determined to lay the gauntlet down and fully give me the reigns when it came to his health.  His challenge?  Do whatever it takes to not just help him lose weight, but to lower his cholesterol in the process.  Oh, and an added bonus..... to keep the grocery budget in check, AND to prepare foods that leave zero leftovers that will end up in the trash at the end of the week.

Yep, I pulled out the abacus, the slide ruler, cookbook, and diet planner I have had over the years and figured how I can feed THREE people single serving home cooked meals with minimal shortcuts, low in fat and low in cholesterol that all three of us will eat from week to week.  Sounds easy, right?  WRONG!!!  A package of ground turkey, ground sirloin beef, or ground chicken comes in a package that feeds four and I only have 3 to feed.  No leftovers, remember?  No repeat meals to be consumed that week because my family is not exactly a fan of using the microwave to reheat anything.  The key is variety and believe me.... it is harder than you think to take a package of meat that feeds four, bulk it up to make it stretch to six, divide by two and have them be different in some way.  Lets just say..... DH had no other choice, but to like vegetables in everything.  Shredded carrots and zucchini were used as bulking ingredients to make burgers, individual meat loaves and sauces for pasta.  Did you know that a standard full chicken breast (both halves) consists of 4 dietary allowed servings?  I did.  One pork tenderloin is roughly 7 servings?  Or one full sirloin steak can feed a minimum of 4-5 people?  I learned that all on my own.  Sure, those lean cuts of meat are better for you, but the calorie count to meet a dietary serving is small compared to the piece you buy at the store.  It makes my head spin in how to prepare a fraction of a piece for a serving and somehow not let it be repeated for the rest of the week.  While just about anything in the protein category can be added to a bed of salad greens to become a meal.... I was even limited to having salads as a dinner option to once a week for the family.  I, on the other hand.... had to become a lettuce eating maniac for my lunch at work.  I am starting to really hate salads.....

Well, after three months with this new challenge of selecting what we are to consume every week and prepare them to strict dietary guidelines, DH went for another cholesterol check.....

I waited for DH to call me to let me know how we did because, you see, DH was looking like he was heading for the gallows with his fear that all of this hard work on my behalf was going to fail and he was going to be leaving the doctor's office with a cholesterol medication prescription in his hand.  He had his doubts of my abilities from the beginning, but he happily ate what I prepared and he even took my advice to eat some fruit from time to time.  Still lacking faith that his cholesterol numbers would still be high.  He was just going to chalk it up to genetics and move on.

Well, I got a text from DH after he went to see the doctor.  The text had only three words.....

"YOU ARE AWESOME"

After jokingly responding by saying I already knew that, I asked what his numbers were and he texted back....

196

I jumped up and down, did a happy dance and sang loudly in the middle of work that I won, I won, I won!!!

Later that evening, DH came home from work, hugged me and handed me his sheets of test results for me to look at.  Tears formed in my eyes to see that everything is within the expected normal range.  He is in the best of health.  He lost 21 pounds and lowered his cholesterol by 50 and the doctor was stunned proud and asked him what he did differently.  His response was.... "I let my wife take over and change everything that was normal for me and created a food plan that I would never have thought of attempting.  She cut me off from my favorite foods and controlled my portions."

Now, DH told me not to get a big ego from this, but what can I say.... I accomplished something that I would have never thought possible with the stubbornness of DH.  I have to thank God for keeping me determined to make the difference, to seek the answers necessary to make these changes, and.... I need to thank DH for finally realizing my potential to help and not complain once about the changes I made for the benefit of our health.  Of course, I still have to figure out why I can't lose weight as fast as DH.  With all this healthy eating... I could only manage to lose half the amount he did.  Yea. yea.... slow and steady wins the race, but I would like, for once, have a little more achieved when it comes down to my love/hate relationship with the bathroom scale.

Thanks for letting me share this with you and have a great day!!!

Just thinking "out loud"....

I was just recently told that I should be a writer and I decided to take the time to think about just that.... writing a novel.  Of course, I managed to squash that idea rather quickly because I see myself lacking the abilities that actual authors have.  You see, it takes a strong person to write a book, and I am not that strong.  Here is what I mean....

It takes a strong minded person to create a story.  It takes the imagination to create a type of synergy to put words together and build upon a concept.  Adding dialogue and inner thought that does not drive the story in too many directions, but creates a cause and effect for the reader.  

It takes a strong person to own the story.  Good, bad, or indifferent, it takes the ability to accept the criticisms and praise others make of your work.  While I happen to be the most critical when it comes to things I do and say, I am not all that comfortable with accepting praise.  Probably has something to do with being the youngest sibling in my family.  Of course, there is no proof of that theory.  I just always saw myself as lacking when compared to others.

It takes a strong person to focus.  Yep, I said it here.... I know I tend to go on tangents that sway far from the topic at hand.  The effort to get back on topic gets tiring.  Especially, when those little diversions from the topic at hand to have some supporting connection.  As minuscule of a connection it poses... it is just varying degrees of perception.

Last, but not least, is one thing that has absolutely nothing to do with strength....  I lack the drive to write.  Well, I do blog from time to time.  I have opinions.  Heck, there are times I can write a short story, but to have the endurance to create an actual story that is longer than a handful of pages, with proper narrative skills to share a "conversation" between characters, and become something worthy of publication is a real stretch, to say the least.  Heck, I question every word selected and every punctuation mark.  I have read those reviews on Amazon.com.  Some of those reviewers are brutal!  Of course, there are some that make me wonder if they were paid to rave about a certain book, but I digress.  On a side note to this.... I am unsure of what genre I should write because readers are a fickle bunch.  That is, if I decided to take the plunge and write a book.  Doubtful, but the thought is there....

I guess that is why I just can't find the strength to write a book, but I love reading them.

Just recently, I was on a fan/spoiler page for an author that I am not just a fan of, but became a friend in that virtual world.  I have never met the woman, but we became friends.  I have written to her and she has written me back.  Nothing of importance... just some things we find funny.  Well, I posted on her spoiler page my feelings about waiting for her latest book in a series I absolutely love.  This fictional place that she writes about seems so real that I would love to go there to visit.  The characters are so down to Earth, that I could see myself becoming fast friends with them.  For those wondering what series I am talking about, here is the info....  The author is Kathleen Brooks.  She has three series that connected in a small way, but it began with her Bluegrass Undercover series, then there is her Bluegrass Brothers series, and she had a third series that had the small connection of one character, but the series is called The Women of Power series.  Currently, she is continuing the Bluegrass series with stories of the children from the main characters in her previous bluegrass books and the first book is due to be released on October 20th (tomorrow... squee! so excited!).  I felt compelled to flex my writing muscles and gave her a description of how I feel as I wait for the release date to arrive (thus, the mention from someone that I should become a writer)....  So here goes....

"As I wake up to a new day, I look at my calendar, and the feelings I had the day before intensified.  This feeling like a starving dog held on a short leash, being held back from a bowl of food.  As I snarl and claw my way to gain purchase, I have only managed to make it a fraction of an inch closer.  Knowing that once I obtain what I desire, I will devour it in one day, only to be hungry for more.... How sad is that?  Come on October 20th.... I'm starving here!!"

While it is not my best descriptive writing, I felt it was alright at best.  Sadly, that is about as far as I can go when it comes to writing.  Adding that filler that a lot of authors are required to do in order to meet page and word requirements is something I just can seem to master.  I lacked describing the look of the room I was in, the state of my appearance, or anything of sustenance to build upon an actual story to tell.  Well, that and I am not a real proficient in pacing a story line... that build up to the ending.  Some writers are really good at setting the pace of a story.  Some just drag stuff out and then jump to the end.  It could be the writer's doing or it is the editor's way of editing, but believe me.... there is some really bad fictional stories out there.  

Maybe my inability to push myself to even try harder is because I have read some really awful writing and I am afraid I would be one, too?  I do appreciate the accolades given to me by friends freely, but I just can't see myself in their eyes to know if the compliments are real.  Simply put... I am a weak-kneed chicken that believes all my talents combined couldn't fill a teaspoon.  Why waste hours and days creating a story that meets the "circular file" next to an editor's desk, right?

Well, back to finding something to take my mind off this home stretch of waiting for my Kindle to load the book I preordered MONTHS ago.  Tomorrow, I'll be reading that book and enjoying every last word of it.  Then I get to wait months for another one to come out.  Fortunately, I have a handful of authors I love to read.  Here's to hoping those books come out soon, too.

Maybe it is just me.....

Okay.  This is probably going to sound harsh, but it is something I have had bouncing around in my head for a while now and figured I would just try to get it out of my head by sharing it here since DH has no interest in hearing my thoughts.  I know, I know.... I should know that men have no interest in listening to the actual thought process of a woman.  Apparently, we think too much and have an opinion about everything, but women have the need to overthink things, and an even stronger need to share those thoughts.  Heck, women see it as "venting their thoughts", while men see it as useless babble that first gets run through two categories before being set in the useless babble box.  That is.... if they need to fix something, or they have to defend their actions.  Usually, defending their actions consists of either fighting tooth and nail to say that their actions are justified or apologizing for whatever complaint we have with the promise to never do it again, just to be forgotten about and happen again at a later date.  I know this because I have been told that I seem to get it when yet another person shares their perspective.  I just think I tend to accumulate tidbits, like puzzle pieces, and manage to put them together in a way that seems to make sense.  Yep, sometimes I need to find more things to do with my time than observe people and their "quirks"....

Well, no better time than the present to get this ball rolling, right?

Over the past few weeks, I have been dragged to various shopping malls and even more stores than I care to think about.  Being one that hates shopping, I was tortured by DD to find a dress for the upcoming Homecoming Dance at her school, and not just any dress, but the dress.  With zero clue what the dress is going to look like, DD and I went from store to store and tried on various dresses with zero success.  Apparently, my inner tomboy and my overprotective of virtue mother qualities were at war during this hunt for the dress.  My inner tomboy just wanted to get it over with, while my overprotective of virtue mother side was saying, "no, no, no, oh hell no!" to just about every dress DD thought would be good enough to go to a dance with.  You see, if a dress is so short and tight that the wearer needs to be constantly pulling the hem down to make sure there is no clear shot of underwear to the masses... it is not a dress, but a neon sign that the wearer is looking for trouble.  I know that my thought process comes with a double edge of controversy to it and being the overprotective mother of DD's virtue.... it is mandatory that I had to explain my reasons why I expect more material in clothing, and here it is....

Men and boys (as well as women and girls), are visual creatures.  What we happen to share in appearance is open for speculation that may, or may not, be the same thought behind the choice.  While one may see their style as sexy, sophisticated, trendy, and confident.... another can see it as trashy and crying for attention.  It does not matter how much you pay for an outfit, but if it leaves nothing to the imagination (aka way too much skin showing), the person viewing the outfit will assume some not so nice things and not exactly offer the respect you believe you deserve.  Sure, in a woman's point of view, we can look at a very attractive man that happens to be shirtless and in worn jeans and basically swoon, but see another man in not so good of shape in the same look and be repulsed.  Same goes for men looking at women.  Sure, the person wearing the outfit needs to be confident in order to wear what they are wearing (and I applaud them for that), but the message they are sending can lead to something dangerous in the worst case of scenarios.  Women, more often than men, can become victims of violence just because of what they are wearing.  Innocence has been lost over a clothing choice.  More times than not.... it is the female losing her innocence and that is just sad.

While fully grown adults have the ability to make decisions of their own and deal with the ramifications of those choices, I have a serious problem with parents allowing their children to dress in a way that could quite possibly put them in danger.  With kids these days pushing for more independence and blasting through (or at least finding ways to break) a parent's ruling of what is considered acceptable clothing choices... it is definitely difficult to keep a reign on teenage sexuality.  It takes a strong parent to explain, without embarrassment, the reasons for their rulings in this area of conversation.  Saying something like, "you are gonna be a rape victim if you wear that outfit out in public", is not enough for an angst-ridden, with a chip on their shoulder the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro on their shoulder teenager will understand.  They are demanding to be seen and don't really care all that much how they are going to do just that.  It is the parent's role to explain that regardless others wear that same outfit and not get raped angle these kids think of is really a game of odds.  Sure, your daughter's friends prefer to wear clothing that requires constant readjustment to a dance, but there is that chance that your child can be a target in that crowd for the undesirable result that we, as parents, warn them about.  What parents need to state is there is a difference between classy and trashy....  A person can show their curves and be covered in a respectful manner.... that is classy.  A person that shows their underwear, or needs to constantly adjust the hem to cover their underwear.... that is trashy.  It is really all about leaving something for the imagination of the admirer.... Let them keep guessing what color your underwear is instead of getting to actually see what color they are.

I can only assume that parents these days have their hands tied behind their backs and a gag shoved in their mouth when it comes to actual parenting.  Or is it possible that the fashion industry feels that only sex sells and leaves very little options out there.  Either way, I feel that there needs to be a voice that is heard over the dim, demanding change.  Demanding that there should be better choices out there.  Demanding that in order to command getting respect.... you need to respect yourself first and be your own individual.  Demand to be heard when trends and peer pressure are resulting in something not exactly positive or confidence boosting.  I am one voice, but I hope others will join me....

Society seems to have fallen victim to being in a box.  Kind of like the current saying... "Keeping up with the Kardashians"....  having everyone have the same look, same outlook, and same unattractive demeanor.  Sure, I may sound a little old-fashioned, but having trudged through the trenches of teenage life (that hormonal, nasty attitude, demanding attention stage that destroys the innocence of youth), I can say without flinching, well, maybe a little, that my parents were right all along.  Respect and love yourself for who you are and the worthy ones will respect and love you back.  If they don't?  Then, they are not worthy to embrace the awesomeness of you.

Oh, and by the way.... I did find the dress for DD.  It met all requirements I set before her and it was a classy black dress that stopped just above the knees and did not need to be adjusted constantly.  It was form fitting to show her curves, but had enough coverage to offer the necessary level of mystery.  She agreed and by the smile on her face when she stepped out of the dressing room.... we had a winner!  Yep, the classic (and classy) little black dress (also known as LBD).  She accessorized with some bold pieces of jewelry, put her hair in a classic (and not so often seen) twist with face framing pieces, and she wore flat bottom shoes so she could dance the night away and not have screaming foot pain in the process.  That look was commanding and demanding all the right stuff.  In the terms of baseball.... it was a grand slam!!

Thanks for reading.....