Howdy! Got some things that I managed to wonder about recently and figured I would share....
Now, I would like to begin with a, "I wonder if I am the only one wondering", kind-of thing...
A recent news report mentioned that a man falsely accused of rape and murder of a minor was released recently. Yep, the legal system got a little egg on its face when the DNA results exonerated an accused man of something he kept on stating he never did. Well, after years of being in prison, he is getting released and the mainstream media felt compelled to share not just this story, but his name, just so the public knows that this innocent man has spent years in prison. While the proof finally did set him free, I wonder..... Does being incarcerated change a person? I have no doubt they would change, but there are some curious odds at stake here. Not all reformed criminals stay reformed for long. Sure, there are some that really do change for the better, but what about the ones that were innocent to begin with? Do they change because of the environment they were thrust upon? Just wondering if this guy is going to stay on the straight and narrow after being falsely accused. Have you wondered?
Okay, onward to a recent feeling/thought about a current event that happened in my life....
I just recently worked my fingers into a cramped state with making some of the things I turned to as stress-reducing hobbies for a craft fair like event. I was honored to hear supportive comments that the things I make with my hands are worthy to be sold to the masses and that I should do just that to add yet another layer to helping support my family. The thing is.... I have to spend money with hopes of making back what I spent when I sell. I think that is why I was so uncertain I could actually be considered an artisan that can sell what I make. In all honesty, I see myself more as the starving artist than an artisan. I have no clue what people like, I have no clue if what I am required to charge is considered fair and reasonable, and if people would actually buy my things, but I took a chance and lost BIG and will most likely lose even bigger when it is all done. I should have known better than to think that my hobby is worthy of paying for itself. Especially when the direct competition is discount stores that charge less than what I pay in materials. I never even factored the hours that I worked at making these things, basically, I priced the things I made for this event I attended at slightly above cost of materials (since I pay taxes on my materials). Probably, if I priced everything at below what I shelled out to make these things.... I might have sold more than 4 things in three hours. Of course, either way I look at it.... I would have not broken even, but it hurts all the same. I banked on at least breaking even at this event, but I obviously didn't. Sure, I had a lot of people looking at what I have toiled over for weeks, I did no housework and every waking free moment I had consisted of making things to sell for three weeks, solid.
I did share information about the event, I reminded people as often as I could via social media without being annoying, and I even posted pictures of what I have accomplished to at least spark some interest. Sadly, it did not pan out as planned, but I did offer my most heartfelt thanks for those that came, looked and said "hi". A few bought something, of which I appreciated more and offered even more thanks. I really have nothing to complain about.... I just knew that people were not going to be interested. I took the chance because of the positive feedback. I know better now. I just have no clue what to do with all of this stuff I made. I guess I could just keep it. DH might not be all that happy about it. I could use it as gifts and give it away, but doing that would make my chest hurt more than it already does. In fact, I feel a little sick that I so readily accepted all the compliments and believed that people would actually buy something I made. Regardless the fact that it all started out as a hobby or a way to diffuse stress.
With all this in mind, I started to wonder if I am actually worthy of much these days. I am struggling at work with rebuilding a clientele I lost, feeling I am in competition with my coworkers for work. Well, not in competition with all of my coworkers. I happen to have one that is quite ruthless and will trample over me to take every opportunity that walks through the door. Everyone else seems real nice. I really like the almost drama-free environment that I work in now. It is the rebuilding of a clientele that is killing me. I already know that life offers no guarantees and it is going to take hard work (and patience), but it just would be nice if I could see into the future and know for certain that everything will get better. These past few months are not exactly a fact-filled barometer to even give me a baseline to see where it is going. With the holiday rush hitting the post-holiday slump, I have no clue if growth is going to happen any time soon.
I am already aware of the value I happen to be at home. It is not all that high, but at least the tension has diminished. Any stress at home is of my doing and my problem. DH has been making some big changes and I am impressed with his resolve in following through. DD is doing well at school, she made the honor roll (I have the bumper sticker to prove it), but is not all that good at handling the stresses of life in high school. DH and I are doing our best to help her through this tough transition, but it appears that the ability to mask over unhappy things is a strong trait in this family. I am aware that DH has some stress to deal with at work, as well as I do, but we still do not communicate about it, nor do we ask for help about it. We are more focused on DD and helping her out, as it should be. Of course, avoiding the problems that are swept under the rug or put on the back burner, so to speak, is not exactly fixing the problems and will most likely grow into something that will we will have no clue to what to do about it. I just hope we can keep it from growing out of hand. Maybe chisel at it a little at a time to work it out and get a solution. Not exactly holding my breath for that to come to fruition, but I do happen to hold a little candle of hope it can happen.
Well, with that full box of crafts and bead work still sitting in my car, I have to figure where I can put it all for now, while I figure my next move. As I mentioned earlier, I did thank everyone that did manage to attend the event, thanked those that bought something, and shared my doubts as simply as I could to if I am willing to take another chance. Which, by the way... the chances are small. I cannot afford to do more. I did get some positive feedback and even some told me to keep trying, but what I experienced last night managed to tell me that what I make is not all that special and nothing in demand. Could be the current economy and the new household budget that put a kibosh on selling anything more than I did manage to sell last night. I could try to join the masses that sell their stuff on Etsy, eBay, and the likes, but I just really do not have the time or energy to maintain a website. Heck, I barely ever manage to keep up with my social page or even this blog. THAT is definitely saying something. Well, time to get the day started. I have housework to do. Thanks for reading and sorry I was such a "downer".
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