Being the youngest of my family does not exactly warrant the title of peacemaker. That title usually goes to the middle child. Sadly, when it comes to me.... I am apparently the exception to the rule.
Now, in my family that consists of my sisters and brother... I am not exactly a peacemaker in the truest sense of the term. I am more like the child that gets to hang on the fringe. I am helpful when needed and asked, but when it comes to trying to keep things on an even keel.... I am not that person. Probably since we are all fully grown and have our days filled with our own obligations and responsibilities. We were once a tight-knit family that made sure all the major holidays were spent with each other's company. We also were that kind of family that always managed to call when a birthday arrived. Heck, we all were keenly aware of how old our siblings were. Not so much these days. I believe the passing of my father was the final thread that kept us so tight-knit. I do have to give my mom credit, though. She is trying to hold the family together. What is sad is that the vision of what we once were is considered less and less as time marches forward. At least in the eyes of my siblings, and this is where I end up being the peacemaker....
My sisters are busy with their own spouses, work, and home life. Can't blame them, really, but it appears that they just do not have the time to call just for the sake of saying "hi". Same goes for my brother. His life is apparently so topsy-turvy that the only times he calls is to talk to my daughter about an upcoming fishing trip, or if the proverbial baton is passed to me to step up more than my sisters in doing things that are family related. Calls from my sisters don't add up to much, but I do hear from time to time that they will call me back later, but in all honesty... they don't. Whatever was being discussed has long been forgotten. It really does not bother me all that much. I have come to accept my place on the fringe that is hiding in a dark corner. It's all good. It just bothers me when I get a call from mom about her getting basically the same treatment and how having her be left in that dark corner with me is affecting her. At least she is not alone in the dark corner. She has me.
In my own little family of DH, DD, and myself.... I AM THE PEACEMAKER. DH and DD are sometimes like oil and water. Neither understand each other. You think that they would, since they are of the same stubborn mind. Case in point: Recently, DH was complaining about the upstairs bathroom being a mess. Since I don't really use that bathroom, I don't pay attention to how DD can be a one person whirlwind of a wrecking ball that lacks the ability to change out a toilet paper roll or empty out a garbage bin. Sure, I do the cleaning around here, but with being at work more than I am not at work... it makes it even harder for me to keep up with the daily housecleaning requirements. I can no longer follow my family with my arsenal of cleaning supplies. I see it as if I can't get to it.... someone else can get to it for me.
Well, needless to say..... My outlook of having my family step up to help around the house is apparently a pipe dream. I KNEW this would happen, but nobody here really listens to me anyway. So.... after DH was complaining about the disastrous state of one of the two bathrooms in our little house, I took it upon myself to place to focus on cleaning it after I got home from work. Figuring I was doing my job as peacemaker so that DH can be less of a thorn in everyone's side, I mentioned that I took care of the issue with the one bathroom after getting home from work. Well, that just set him into a tirade! He is demanding to know why I am cleaning a room that I did not mess up after working all day? Huh.... interesting thought here.... I told him that since it bothered him so much, I took care of it because it needed to be done and nobody was stepping up to do it themselves. Really, how hard is it to take care of something that is bothering you THAT much that it requires you to complain about it? It shouldn't matter how it gets done, or even who does it.... what matters is that it is taken care of. Since I already know that I enabled this behavior of my family, I only hoped that speaking my mind results in them realizing that it should be a team effort instead of it just being me taking on everything (as usual). I was wrong, but I can still hope and pray it will change. Just keeping the dream alive here.... one frazzled, non-confrontational step at a time.
Now, at work, I am also apparently a peacemaker. I do my job and I do it well. The constant professional that is always ready to be helpful. Being short-staffed on multiple levels requires someone to step up and take care of things. We have a shampoo assistant out for the past 2 months because of knee surgery, a boss still on the mend from her 4th surgery from the car accident that happened last year, co-workers that refuse to keep to their schedule, and an increase in demand to keep things going smoothly for the customer. I have become a one woman crew in the salon I work at. The shampoo assistant informed me that her return to work date has been pushed back again. She thought she was going to be back in mid April. Then it was beginning of May. Now it is possibly the end of May.... maybe early June. So with this person being M.I.A., I am doing her job and mine. On Tuesdays, I am dealing with a fellow employee that really does not want to come to work, but calls in to make an excuse to not coming in to work. When she is there, she is not focused and only stays an hour or two and then leaves. Since it is just her and I on Tuesdays (because the other two stylists flat out REFUSE to follow a schedule, it ends up being only myself running the place on my own. I shampoo, clean, make coffee, answer phones, do the laundry (towels), AND do the job I was hired for (hairdressing). Basically, I earn commission on what my job is, but not an hourly wage for all the extras that should be covered by additional staff that is still not there. I have considered leaving this place and going to rent someplace like those salon studios, but with this still being a rebuild of a client base from the last place I worked at.... I am not making enough to afford all the overhead that is required of being an individual contractor. If I could, I would, since I feel like I am on my own so much. My peacemaker abilities here are because my boss needs a reliable employee, and that appears to be me.
Now, with all this peacemaking..... I wonder why I don't feel like I can truly be at peace? Is it because I take on too much and lose focus on what would make me happy? Possibly. But, with my days filled with avoiding the wrath of my families (home, work, and other), I really cannot focus on the one person that I should be focused on.... ME. I should stop putting myself last, but I am starting to believe that all my enabling ways of being a peacemaker has put me in a position that I cannot stop. Derailing this crazy train that is called life is not a good thing. Definitely NOT a good thing.
Well, time to trudge forward and do a little more Spring cleaning in my house. The room that houses my computer is a disaster and is in desperate need of a good purging. Won't get it all done today, but I won't get all that much done if I sit here and floss my thoughts. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
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