Friends....

Last night I went out to see some of my friends.  Even one of those friends, I have not actually seen in over 20 years.  

I always find it interesting that real friends are capable of picking up where they left off.  Reunions are just seamless events.  Maybe even feeling like we never lost touch years ago.  It could be that the friends we choose in life are just extensions of who we really are.  There always remains a connection regardless of the number of years we lost touch.  Just remembering the experiences we all have with our friends brings a gleam in your eye, a smile on your face, and a sense of comfort in your surroundings.  Suddenly, time and age mean absolutely nothing.  We become kids again just because we can.  I just love that about my friends.

Really great friends are like a fine wine.  We seem to get better with age.  We may have mellowed a bit, but given the chance, we can act like kids again.  We just tend to be a little more brazen.  You live your life once... make it count.  It could be that we all have been there and done that and is not afraid to do it again.  I even appreciate the honesty that I hear from my friends.  They definitely know how to tell it like it is.

Last night was one for the memory bank.  I had a great time.  If laughter is the best medicine, then I got the healthiest dose of that last night.  I seem to get a pretty healthy dose each time I see my friends and that is awesome!  I would not have it any other way :)  If given the chance to re-experience last night, I would.  I just would opt to wear gym shoes instead of heels, and I should have taken some Tylenol before going to bed.  Hangovers and sore feet are not my thing ;)

MAN, I need a nap... again.....

Hugs and kisses to all my friends (you know who you are and you are appreciated)...

cya!

Lowering your expectations......

Everyone has a predetermined set of expectations in every aspect of life.  We truly only want the best.  We all want to be thin, beautiful, rich, happy, loved, and more.  We know what we want, we try to get what we want and we rarely ever settle for less.  Sadly, we set ourselves up for failure.  Being pleasantly surprised is a rare thing.

How would you feel if everything was perfect, all the time?  Think about it... Visualize it...  Sounds nice, huh?

I just wonder if everything was perfect all the time, life would be quite boring...  painfully predictable.

In the religious respect, it has been said that God only gives you what you need.  There is no need for anything else.  I have to say, I have my doubts.  I have a long list of things I need, but I know I am not going to just have it land in my lap.  I actually have to put in some effort.  I think I know how to get where I want to be, but there is always some level of expectation that needs to happen.  Otherwise, it is not exactly what I want, when I want it. That is just a recipe for disappointment.  Maybe that is why I always seem to fall short....  In the grand spectrum of it all...  It is not really a need, but a want.

Today was just one of those days that I think I hit my limit with a piece of electronics that was not even mine. I bought a mp3 player for my husband for his birthday.  It was probably one of his favorite gifts because it really is something just for him.  Snowblowers, shop vacs, and tools are nice, but anyone can lay claim to use them.  This mp3 player was set up with his favorite music...  his personal mark of claim.  Seeing him crank that thing up with the headphones on, smiling, tapping his foot to the music is something that makes me smile.  He is happy and in retrospect, I don't have to see my walls shake with the stereo cranked for all to hear of music I really am not in the mood for.  How many times do I need to hear Rainbow In The Dark by Ronnie James Dio?  I like Eric Clapton, but do I really need to hear Bell Bottom Blues at an ear shattering level?  So, his gift is a gift to me and my ears ;)

For the first 2 weeks of owning this thing, my husband had issues.  Damn thing locked up whenever it felt like it.  I get to hear the whining that it is not working right and get it handed to me to fix it.  My husband has mastered the perfect level of whining that makes me jump up and do whatever it takes to get him to shut up.  Even when I am not feeling up to doing anything.  I spent plenty of time, in fact, multiple times fixing this damn thing.... Reformatting, reinstalling the firmware, reinstalling his music.....  I hit my limit last night and decided to contact the manufacturer again about finding a solution.  After them figuring out that I have exhausted every possible solution, they tell me that the unit is probably defective.... REALLY?  I am not a rocket scientist and I knew that.  I get the authorization to return the unit and get a replacement.  Hoping that the next one is not defective, I go back to the store where I bought this thing.  Great customer service there.  Completely painless to exchange for a new unit.  In fact, they gave me a better version (more memory) and did not charge me the difference.  I walk in thinking I am getting the same thing again and was PLEASANTLY SURPRISED with something BETTER!  Good thing I did not set my expectations too high, huh?

I guess we need to lower our expectations from time to time.  Get that pleasant surprise once in a while.  Even with lowered expectations, we can still be disappointed, but not as much as of we had raised the bar.  In my experience today...  If I was to get a match to what we had model-wise, I would be pleased with the fact that this one is not defective.  I just got lucky that this one is actually an upgrade and is working like a champ... for now.  Just going to keep the expectations low this time....  Less disappointment potential :)

Just a mystery to me.....

So many things have been running through my head lately.  Earlier this week, I went to the doctor because I had questions.  Their way of getting to an answer is to take some blood and wait.  I gather being a doctor is one interesting ride.  Getting to know so many people through various tests.  What is on the surface does not mean that is who you are.  There is so much to learn and it can be so different from one person to another.  What makes us the same can make us so different.

I started blogging as a mental release of things that I just can't seem to talk about really well.  Apparently, I can write about it just fine.  Stress from daily events can make a person so random in how they act.  Getting relief from something that anyone can do is so simple, so basic, so.....  primal.

Some things cannot be easily explained away.  We have to seek out answers to our questions.  It is all in the learning process.  It is usually not a matter of changing the past, but to be better informed in the future.  Learning is taking chances.  Telling a person that the flame on the stove is hot, sometimes is just not enough.  We need to make mistakes from our choices to learn from them.  Then there are times we seek answers from others.  The human body is a complex thing.  We can feel things, but cannot figure out why we feel them.  The answers are not available from outside forces.  These are internal things we deal with.

Not too long ago, I was feeling.... off.  You know, not what is just normal complacency.  Getting older can create ailments you never really thought about in your younger years.  You are not afraid of getting older, but you never really embrace that things will change without your consent.  It might be the onset of wrinkles, those few stray gray hairs, or even aches and pains from worn out joints.  I consider myself pretty in-tune to who I am.  I have dialed the volume up to pay better attention to how I am feeling.  It is getting answers to things that I am experiencing, but possibly nobody else experiences.  Let's call this.... The call of nature.

Since not feeling really me, in the physical sense, for about a month, I took it upon myself to get some blood work done.  Well, today I got the results.  Everything is wonderful.  Every test result is in the normal range (not sure what normal is these days), but there is no signs of anything to be concerned of.  Well, except the fact that I have lost the regularity that I pride myself on.  Since I know I am not experiencing menopause, I am missing the one thing I dread monthly and have been feeling just sick to my stomach.  "Here is a prescription to help you with that, we are calling it in to the pharmacy and you can pick this up later today", said the doctor.  WOW!  Felt a little lost from that comment, because I really do not know why I am taking this pill.  Well, I do, but I don't.  It seems that doctors have the answers, but cannot explain them in a way that I could really understand.  It is kind of like telling someone to take 2 aspirin because you have a headache.  Okay....  I understand that I have a headache, but WHY do I have a headache?  Is explaining why things happen too hard?  They at least figured what is wrong, but can't tell me why it happened.  I guess that some things need to remain a mystery.  At least I am feeling a bit better that it is nothing serious.

So what!

2-4 inches of snow has been predicted and I knew I would be the one shoveling....  sigh.  I figured since snow shoveling is something I really do not mind doing; it is good exercise and it reminds me of my younger days shoveling snow in the neighborhood to earn extra cash.  Sadly, I don't get paid for shoveling my own driveway and sidewalk.

As the snow falls down, I see my neighbors out with their snow blowers, some even hire out to have their driveways plowed, and there is me....  I got my boots on, my winter puffy coat, my trusty red snow shovel and an mp3 player.  Some people collect stamps, some collect coins, I have my collection of snow shovels.  Call me nutty, but there is a certain level of satisfaction in shoveling snow.  We have 2 snow blowers and I know how to use them, but they never get the driveway as clean as I like, so I shovel.  If the snow is too heavy, I might use the snow blower and then follow up with one of my trusty shovels.

I just need to be in my happy place and all in the world seems right.  Listening to music makes everything easier to do.  I can't go to the gym without my iPod, I have the radio or the stereo cranked in my house when I clean, and just the sound of music in the background at work makes the day go by faster.  I know I can go without music playing.  There are times I like the quiet.

Well, as I plod along shoveling snow, I am listening to a compilation of music from the 70's, 80's, and 90's.  Most songs I like, some I love.  I just did not realize how much I love songs from the 70's.  Such sugary sweet lyrics describing such simpler times, some are just befuddling ramblings from drugged out singers/songwriters.  I come across a set of songs that just seemed to move me today.  One was Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Suede.  The beginning with that "ooga-chuck-a" chant just makes me giggle.  Next thing I know, I am dancing and singing along to the song very loudly.  I did not realize that my neighbors with their loud snow blowers noticed me dancing and shoveling.  Apparently, I get quite animated when I am in the zone.  All it took was for them to turn off their snow blowers to hear my rendition of that song.  I even paused to use my shovel as a microphone from time to time.  They were all getting a real good laugh at my expense, but you know what?  I did not care.  I was having fun!!

I guess my point of today's blog is finding that "so what" attitude.  Life cannot always be contained happiness. Grown ups are allowed to be silly.  To sing and dance just because you want to and not care who is watching.  I know that my back will be reminding me that I am no spring chicken, but for a moment, I was a kid again and it felt great!!

Have a glorious day and be sure to make some time to just act like a silly kid again.  So what if people will look at you funny, it is because they are jealous that you are not afraid to let loose :)

Music and Emotion.....

Have you ever noticed that what you listen to and like ties in with your emotional state when it comes to music?

Think about it....  There are so many genres of music ; Rock, pop, techno, punk, country, Christian, classical...  the list goes on.  Every song out there brings out an emotion and a memory.  What we gravitate towards musically is our sub-conscious telling us how we are feeling or the desire to remember moments in our lives.

What song did you play over and over again as a teen when your heart was broken?  What song did you absolutely love to listen to because it reminded you of your true love, but suddenly hated when the romance ended?  What song did you listen to when you needed a little self-confidence booster when you felt weak?

Our lives consist of ups and downs ; highs and lows. and everything in between.  Maybe you never noticed that music plays a role in who we are, but if you really think about it, it does.  This just proves that art can move a person and it does not need to be a painting ;)

The young hopeful times as a teen in love would pick a song that was to be "their song".  The stories that songs bring, created by the artists that performed them always had a poignant attachment to how you were feeling or what you were experiencing.  Sometimes, it was not the words, but the beat, the melody, the awesome squeal of the guitar.

I consider myself to be quite a fan of music.  I love it all.  I consider myself a person that does not pick a song for the purpose of being "our song" when in a relationship, but I do recall plenty of mood altering upbeat confidence boosting jams being a large part of my life.  Looking back, I even recall those sappy, sad, and remorseful break up songs.  You know what I mean....  The songs where the words must have been ripped from my head and my heart that was added to music.  I was amazed at how the songwriters knew me so well.

Even on my wedding day, the song my husband and I danced to was not one of those "our song" kind-of choices.  It was Beautiful Tonight by Eric Clapton.  Just a classic song about love, but it really was not about "us" (I don't have long, blonde hair, and I never really knew what my husband thought when he looked at me), we just chose the song because we both liked it.  To us, getting married was not about the song we danced to, but to making a commitment to be together for the long haul.  I honestly don't think we have an "our song".  How sad is that?

I guess the whole idea for this tidbit to think about is really the tie that music has to our psyche.

I can only imagine my attraction to play the song Corner Bar by Uncle Kracker is my way of soothing the frustration that I have feeling raped by the government by the increase in taxes and the economic struggles we all are facing.  Well, it can be that or I just want a beer ;)

Well, off to experience the day.

Have a wonderful day everyone!  Turn up the radio and see where the music takes you....

Thanks for reading... cya!

For love.....

The things we do for love....  Great song from the group 10cc.  Such a light and airy tune about what a person would do and feel just for love...  As the refrain goes....  Like walking in the rain and the snow when there is nowhere to go and you're feeling like a part of you is dying, and you're looking for the answer in her eyes...  I doubt that I have ever wandered in the rain and the snow just to see if everything is going to be okay in a relationship, but I have no doubt that we do things that would not be considered "normal" in the eyes of your friends and family.  People change.  It is obvious, but you never notice it....  Your friends and family do.  That is what love does to a person.

I like to call this the rose colored glasses syndrome.  Believe me, it is a wonderful thing to experience, but in the mix of it all we tend to lose sight of some pretty important things.  It can be those little red flags on things you never deemed to be a potential problem, or it can be about who you are as a person to your friends and family.  You know, the ones that pick you up when you fall, who are the strong shoulder to cry on, the rock of stability we all need....  Those people.  Love encompasses every aspect of life because it is such a strong emotion.  We desire to be loved, we yearn to give love.  There is no greater thing than what love can offer a person in their life.  We have no control on love.  It can twist, turn and tweak into something that can be painful.  That is why that one song "love hurts" is so true.  The one thing that we hold in such high regard, that feels so wonderful, can hurt you.

Sometimes, love can make you lose sight of who you are as a person.  Your priorities change.  You put yourself out there willingly with no concern about getting hurt.  That kind of love makes you different.  I know all about that kind of love.  That level of love happened 11 years ago and I have no intention of changing it.  You see, 11 years ago, I became a mother.  My daughter is the greatest gift in my life, but the biggest challenge.  She is part of me and I am part of her.  I just wondered if I was that much of a challenge to my mother when I was a child.  Probably not, but back then, I was quite stubborn too.  I just never fathomed the words that my mother told me would be so true...  "I am your mother and I would take a bullet for you, I would stake my life to keep you safe, I would starve in order to feed you, I would give you the world of it was there for the taking, and the reason why I would do this is because I love you".  It is all about sacrifices for the love of another.  Things you want no longer are important as long as they have a need.  Pretty deep stuff, huh?

In the journey that we call life, we sometimes forget who we are for the sake of another.  Being a mother does that to a person.  It is just interesting that when we lose who we are, we suddenly want to find it?  I am interested in finding the old me and tapping back into my inner awesome, but I want to do this with balance.  I want a mix of the old me with all that awesomeness that I possess, but rarely tap into, and the current me that has made sacrifices that I never thought I was capable of.  I guess it is about discovering who I really am.

Love thy self and all will become clear.  I just need to learn to love myself again.  I have the loving others thing down perfectly :)

Thankful moments.....

Just last night, I met up with some friends and heard something I never expected to hear and I am thankful for that.

There are moments in life that it seems that the hustle and bustle of it all makes it real easy to not notice that what you do is appreciated.  It is usually something that you never thought was a bid deal, but in the grand scheme of things it really makes a difference.  Maybe you held a door open for a person, maybe you let a person cut in line at the checkout at the grocery store, maybe you picked up something that someone dropped.  It is something that we really do not think is that extraordinary, but common.

How about doing something for yourself that gets appreciated by others?

I started blogging about a month ago.  It was suggested that blogging will set me free from the frustrations and stresses of life.  To share what I am thinking and maybe get to know myself a little better in the process.  I did not think that people would actually take the time to read my random ramblings, but I secretly hoped they did.  I wanted to be able to share a thought process and maybe see what people think about those things, too.  

Life is a journey.  Every day is a new chapter in the story of your life.  It can be as short as a sentence, and it can be as long as you choose to make it be.  Experiences and thought processes make us intriguing.  Hardships are challenges to make us stronger.  The most complex thing in your life is easier to solve if you process it in parts.  Grab onto one stray thread and unravel.  I am quite surprised at pulling that one stray thread can create so many things that I learned, yet never applied to future experiences... until now.

Old dogs can learn new tricks if they are willing to do the legwork to learn.  Some of the things I learned helped me change some things I can only guess was a major pain in the eyes of my friends.  I am just so thankful that they like me enough to tolerate me and my quirky ways.  

I just never expected to get such wonderful feedback about my blog posts.  Knowing that people actually enjoy reading what I have to say is an honor and I appreciate that.  I have to admit, the feedback and comments I heard last night from some of my friends really brought out the humble person in me.  For that I am so thankful that they are in my life.  

Thank you for reading.....