Breaking up is not all that hard to overcome if you already have another person to take that vacant space. At least, that is what I just recently learned about DD today.
I know that DD is a beautiful person through and through, but I never in my dizziest of days would think that she could get over her first boyfriend with such ease. In fact, I was a bit shocked at how well DD took the silent breakup she got from her first "boyfriend". I knew it was a first-crush-school-romance that rarely should make a dent in life, but usually the firsts in anything are the strongest felt. First boyfriends, first breakups, first heartaches and first heartbreaks are a passage in life and it is always the parent that helps put all that broken feeling back together and teaches that life is more than that first in life and to remind them that there is far greater things on the horizon. You know what I mean, right? Getting to use that old cliche' of, "there are more fish in the sea", apparently is not going to be used by me. Yep, DD learned that notion all on her own. Not one noticeable tear was shed when her at school boyfriend did not call her after school ended, nor did he mention if their relationship was to go beyond school and continue over the summer. She got to experience the silent breakup with no real closure all on her own.
It seems that it was no big deal for her since she now has a new boyfriend that she has been chatting it up with via text on her phone. How do I know this, you ask? Well, when DD left her phone on the floor at my feet and left the room, it stirred a curious notion in my bloodstream. Not nosy by nature, I resisted, that is, until her phone received a text with the words... "good morning cuddlebear". Noticing a name that I am not aware of raised my curiosity just a bit more. Before giving DD her cell phone, I looked at the messaging history and noticed that this has been going on for a while. All cutesy stuff, and nothing sexual, but unsettling to say the least. DD has usually been open and honest with me, but this is one HUGE secret that I knew nothing about. It appears that this person goes by initials for a first name and he is also quite smitten with my daughter. Totally unsettling in my opinion. I should have come to terms with the fact that she would be getting boyfriends soon enough. Heck, I was reasonable with the last boyfriend since he was not afraid to call my house, but humored me that he was afraid to talk to me. That obvious sense of fear of me was comforting, in a way, because I knew that this kid would respect my wishes and be extremely fearful if my haunches were up. Being a mama bear gives me the right to demand respect and I felt it with that kid. This new boyfriend.... well, I am feeling quite curious and concerned. She said nothing about his existence and their contact has been more direct to her via her cell phone than a call to the house.
I confronted DD with my concerns and it ended up being a major yelling match. She did not say that it was not my business to know, but she did happen to mention that she did not feel like telling me about this person. That concerns me when secrets are starting to come around. I tried to explain to her that I want to be in the know about everything and everyone in her life. That includes any new friends and especially new boyfriends. I explained why I demand to know all the details before she does anything with anyone. I always need to know the who, what, where, when, why, and how to everything. I even demand total honesty with every answer. It is what a parent does in order to keep their child safe. While her father may seem more relaxed when it comes to what DD is up to, I am the one that will always have her back and I would do anything to keep her safe. As the saying goes.... I would jump in front of a train, take a bullet, confront an attacker and whatever else it takes to protect her. I have no doubts that all parents would do that for their child and sadly, our children never understand that until they become adults that make mistakes on their own. Heck, the one guarantee that a parent becomes understood, appreciated and cherished by their child is after they have children of their own.
I was hoping to break that cycle of secrets and lies when it came to the relationship between DD and I. With this recent event, I know that I did not achieve that goal. The phase of being out of the loop and looked upon as a nuisance that never understands has already begun. Doors will be slamming any day now as well as the fight to get all the facts even when all you get is vague generalities. My baby is determined to spread her wings while I want to keep her close. I know I will keep trying, but today I am going to take a little break from the never ending fight that has begun. I told DD that she just fired me from being on her side and now has to turn to her father when she gets in trouble or hurt. The only way she can keep me in her corner and cover her back is to change the path she is starting to take. If she chooses to not keep me in the loop, she has to deal with her father from now on. She already knows how that is going to turn out since DH has never had my back, nor has he ever done anything to keep me safe. Of course, he rarely ever had to do much since I am capable of taking care of myself, but he never once offered because he can. The proof has been in the pudding, so to speak, when it comes to never having my back when he chooses to let his family snub me and our daughter. As for defending my honor? He has sat back and watched me handle that myself the one time it happened. I truly believe that if something like that happened again... he would still do nothing.
At least I confronted DD with my concerns. I explained my actions and gave her a choice. It is all that I can do now, but she has been forewarned that my trust in her word is meaning less and less with each secret revealed and every lie caught. I just hope that she catches on real quick and stays smart. I know she is a smart kid, but I know first hand that when the word love is getting used... intelligence takes a back seat. UGH! I just feel sick over this, but at least I now know.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
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