Lets see here.... a few things that really needed to get off of my chest....
1). Darn you yoga pants!!!
Every woman that happens to pass the age of (cough, cough) 40 begins to have a love affair with stretchy yoga pants. I should know.... I am one of them. While all comfortable and stretchy that they happen to be.... the wearer loses sight of the body's changes into the less than attractive state you used to be. Heck, the closer to 50 you get, the weight seems to pack itself right on and not be noticed. Eating properly goes by the wayside and suddenly your waist is no longer able to fit in your jeans without having that telltale muffin top of living life in the junk food aisle showing. The buttons of your favorite jeans are now being tested for tensile strength to holding in now what you can only say is your full term pregnancy weight of almost 16 years ago. Yep, simply put.... yoga pants are an aid in to getting fat. It is the stretch in the material that allows you to eat whatever you want and remain in denial that you are getting fatter by the day.
Now, I am not saying that just eating right and exercise is going to mount to anything beyond fluctuating a 10 pound weight loss for the next 6 months when you happen to be going through my second topic of discussion....
2). Menopause!!! UGH!!!
I have been informed about 6 months ago that I am now within the age demographic for the female patience killer, menopause. Heck, I even got my hormones checked and was sickened by the result.... According to the standard FSH blood test (that is, the Follicle Standing Hormone blood test, that figures the stage of menopause you happen to be in via hormone levels through a draw of blood), I happen to be "post menopausal". WTF?!?!?!??? POST???? MENOPAUSAL????? Well, needless to say, I was quite upset about this because my body was not exactly giving up on my monthly situation that I have had since the ripe old age of 12, I think? Not exactly something I keep record of regardless of how many times my gynecologist asks me on the papers I am required to fill out every. stinking. time. I. go. there! Really, my sex life is not all that it is (or was), to recall every blinking moment on a sheet of paper for it to be looked at by a doctor, nurse, or nosy medical transcription professional out there. I think seeing the same doctor for almost 18 years and being married to the same person for just as long should be a big, neon sign that says "nothing new going on here to report thankyouverymuch". Needless to say.... I have not been as "regular" as I was in the last 5 years or so, but it still comes from time to time. Usually, at the worst times imaginable. Okay, back to the topic here.... Since I was told I am post menopausal, but still getting a cycle... My diagnosis changed from "post" to "peri". Meaning, until I no longer get that visit from good old aunt Flo, I am still apparently a viable woman. Just not as viable. What the gynecologist did not share with me is what the body truly goes through when you are apparently menopausal. So far, my list has been as such....
*Weight gain (well, DUH! Apparently, eating bad has a friend.... it is called hormone imbalance and it refuses to play nice with even the most proper of diet, eating like a hummingbird, and constantly moving like you are on drugs that make you twitchy if you sit for too long. Hormones affect your metabolism and our thyroid - both tools in weight management)
*Mood swings (trust me, it is HARD to keep my moods in check)
*Itchy skin (at first, it was insane, but has tamed a little since)
*Hot Flashes (OMGoodness! This is just AWFUL! Imagine being all comfortable and then.... BOOM! You are sweating like a whore in church and you didn't even move. Happens often throughout the day and not when you expect it. All you want to do is strip off all your clothes and crank the a.c. to a polar like temperature. Fun, right?)
*Night sweats (this is still in the not-so-frequent stage, but waking up in the middle of the night drenched like someone sprayed you down with a hose is not exactly all that fun. Especially when your laundry loads have increased due to the number of t-shirt changes that happen because of it)
* Panic attacks (if you happen to have suffered them in the past and got them under control without medications - like me - there is an increase in generalized panic disorder relapse. That means.... if you thought you got your mental woes under control... you are sadly mistaken and get ready to deal with those emotional bags you thought you left behind because they are back... and with a vengeance)
*** What is even more sad is that this is just the tip of the iceberg of misery that awaits me because apparently there is more to come and I learned that from my next topic of discussion.....
3). The internet and the information it possesses
I am a curious person. I look things up when they come to mind. When I wanted to learn more about menopause (since I am experiencing it), I went to my good friend, Google, and basically absorbed way too much information on the subject and apparently I have come to the conclusion that I can now blame everything on menopause and from here on out.... I am one screwed pooch!
I was recently in the hospital for severe pains. The kind of pains that had me thinking I was going to head for the pearly gates. I could not catch my breath, I was sweating, and hurting across both the front and back of my chest. At first, I thought it was just another one of those back spasms that I happen to get that wake me in the middle of the night. Or at least I thought that is what it was, but when the nausea started.... I decided to pay closer attention. The pain was becoming unbearable and not seeming like it was going to ease up any time soon. I wanted to avoid the hospital. I hate that place. But sadly, the pain, the panic, and the nausea wore me out and I asked for DH to take me to the hospital. I waited as long as I could to see if this thing would pass, but at 4:00 in the morning, I was being driven to the hospital by DH. I got in the ER rather quickly and had hopes that they could get me fixed up and out of there just as fast, but sadly that was not the case. The only relief I had going for me was that the immediate EKG that was taken ruled out heart attack. DH stayed as long as he could before heading home to take care of things at home and DD. He left shortly after I was told I was being admitted for observation and more tests.
After getting an ultrasound and an MRI (with imaging dye), the results came back with an answer that has me wondering even more.... They called it..... Non Alcohol Fatty Liver Disease (NAFLD). Upon yet MORE internet searching, it is simply put like this.... It is the result that there is excessive fat in my liver that is usually caused by drinking too much alcohol, but since I have not had a drink in about a year. It also is a predetermining factor for type 2 diabetes (or the risk thereof). I am not diabetic and my cholesterol in under the limit of 200, but I do know that my triglycerides are a little high. I am overweight and the solution to my problem? I have to lose weight.
All I could say is.... well, DUH, Captain Obvious! I already KNOW that! I have been battling the bulge for... ever!! I am not anywhere near what is portrayed on magazine covers, but I am not as bad as those on disability because they cannot get out of bed, either. I am in that median group of people struggling to at least meet the reasonable higher end of the healthy weight according to that government regulated BMI chart that my doctor has at her office. All I can really hope for is to lose this weight and take me off the list of people getting that stamp on the bottom of my foot that says my mortality rate and date of expiration. Sadly, now the cards are stacked against me since I get to blame a stage of life I never signed up for has arrived and causes problems like these.
This is the conclusion of the main issues I needed to get off my chest.... Now, onward to something else.....
WHEW! What a month it has been! Beyond my hospital stint, DD was in the hospital, too. Just a few weeks before I landed my backside there, she went in with stomach pains, diarrhea, and nausea. She was diagnosed with pancreatic issues. For all intents and purposes, it looked like she had the flu, but I don't have the alphabet after my last name, nor do people call me doctor. Lucky for her, she bounced back rather quickly, but had my head scratching at how a teenager could get a pancreatic issue if she does not drink alcohol. Apparently, it can happen, and does to more people every day. They called it an idiopathic occurrence and she is doing great! She is watching what she eats and is actually eating a balanced diet like people are supposed to, but teenagers rarely consider doing that. Heck, most teenagers opt to skip breakfast, snack whenever, and turn their noses up at a balanced meal. Half the time it is because they never seem to have time to eat, the rest of the time it is lack of interest of what is in the fridge. So glad she is doing better and finally eating right! That long time battle is finally over and she finally gets it!!! Mom finally wins a round!!
Between DD's and my stint in the hospital, our refrigerator blew up. Not literally, but the compressor made its last attempt before making a burnt smell fill my kitchen. DH and I were in a panic. We just did the weeks grocery shopping the day before and really did not want to lose the food we just bought. Not exactly budget friendly to throw away a weeks worth of food in one day to have to replace it. Luckily, we managed to find a replacement quickly and got it home the same night. All food was saved!! Go us!!
Of course, with a win, there is a loss. Our new fridge is slightly smaller than the old one and we now have less usable space. Speaking of usable space.... I built a pantry that I have asked DH to provide me for years and I am not minding my kitchen all that much since I now have a little better organization going on. Now, I have to tackle the challenge of cleaning out my cabinets and really getting organized. Not so thrilled about garbage day today once I start tackling that chore. On a final note, I was humbled and felt those warm fuzzies I used to get when DH complimented me on the good idea I had as well as the good job I did assembling said pantry. I know how to use tools and follow instructions, but it felt good to get some accolades for my efforts.
With my kitchen getting organized and that I happen to be the only one cooking specialty diets for the family (DH needs to be low cholesterol - he has cholesterol issues, DD and I wanted low fat - hence the obvious for me - her? - not so much), and with current time restraints on everyone (work, school and such), I thought I had a good bead on things. Sadly, I have been either working late or going in on my days off to help over there so I thought I could make meals ahead of time. Of course, this simple plan had its challenge added recently.... I am to cook only individual servings for everyone since we are all watching our weight. DD really does not have a weight issue (her BMI is perfect). It is her father and I that have the battle ahead of us. Sadly, food does not come in serving sizes divisible by 3 and I have been utilizing my measuring cups, scales and whatnot to make this work. Bulking up ground chicken, turkey, or in the rare occurrences sirloin with shredded vegetables to meet the weight requirement to make something that serves normally 4 into something that serves 6 and divide that into two separate meals that do not repeat themselves. Yep, I am about to get the slide rule and abacus out to explain my methods, but the challenge is not to only make individual servings of balanced meals with the correct fat contents.... I am to make sure we do not have leftovers that end up getting thrown out at the end of the week. That is really controlling the budget to a whole new level. Just thinking about the power cook session I will be doing today has me wanting to take a nap. Could be that, or the fact I have given up soda completely for the past 3 days (I am on day 4 today), and only drinking water... plain water (blech).
Sorry for the ramblings, but here is yet another moment of the warm fuzzies coming.... Before landing in the hospital, I purchased some covered, dividable containers for the meals I am preparing. Kind-of like looks like TV dinners when you see it. Each container has an individual serving of a meal prepared within the guidelines set before me. all that needs to be done is reheating your meal and eating it. I started doing that with a power cook session Wednesday night and by Thursday morning (and I mean the wee hours), I landed in the hospital and left my family to fend for themselves with the assured mind that the rest of the week's dinners were there for their consumption. For added measure on preparation, I made DD's lunch for her first day of school and that was sitting in the fridge alone with her freezer lunch bag chilling in the freezer. Talk about being on my game! I was supermom and superwife all in one! When I did come home from the hospital (this is the warm fuzzies part), I got hugs from BOTH my teenage daughter AND my husband with words of appreciation that I am feeling better and back home. How sweet was that??? Oh, and both DD and DH are stepping up to help more. DH has been helping with the dishes, DD is helping with the household chores, DH is helping me be motivated to move more (not like I wasn't moving in the first place) by going for evening walks with me, and DD is doing what she can to keep me positive that things will get better instead of being the sullen teenager she tends to be. Who knew? The things I do before landing me in the hospital would have both people in my life appreciating me a little more for what I do and wanting to keep me around a bit more.
Well, I have taken up enough time. Thanks for reading!!!
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