There are evil people in this world! And the most evil are those that cloak themselves in purity and innocence for the world to see. What makes these evil people so dangerous is the games that they play.....
I have noticed lately that there is a lot of games being played and it pains me to say that there is no real escape from the evil that lurks beneath the surface. These games are utilized to manipulate others to do their bidding. Innocent and well-meaning people are sucked into the vortex of dismay created by these manipulators of not just their own existence, but the existence of others. I guess I need to clarify this point.....
Have you ever come across a person that uses guilt as a tool to get what they want out of life? How about that self-righteous person that spews lies as truth in order to twist a situation to place blame upon another? How about that two-faced person that is all sweetness to your face, but once your back is turned.... rumors fly and reputations get ruined? All games being played for the sole purpose to gain something from others with zero consideration of who they hurt in the process.
I have witnessed countless acts of cruelty over the past few months. So many, that I have been doing my best to avoid being sucked into the drama that these games create. Sadly, my attempts are being noticed and misread. It appears that my choice to not get involved puts me in a position that I have no choice, but to either share my feelings or act upon a knee-jerk reaction to the situation at hand. Of course, I am well versed in being tolerant and reasonable.
Being the kind-heart that I am, I lack having a malicious side. Not saying that I could think of malicious things. That, is simple. It is the acting upon those thoughts that does not exist. I just don't have it in me to be manipulative and cruel. If I ever was remotely even in the ballpark of being that way.... it only is capable of reaching the level of quiet and withdrawn. And with that in mind.... it is far from malicious, cruel, or even manipulative. It is just me not wanting to play that game.
Just recently, I was lied to about something that was considered important to me and my job. To add insult to injury, the game took a turn and is riddled with being berated, belittled, and blamed for things I do or did not do. Favoritism at it's finest is center stage and every move I make is scrutinized and twisted in order to find cause to strike first and ask for forgiveness later. I have been watching this happen to others, that happen to have a heart of gold like I do. Watching them struggle and second guess the most mundane of tasks is quite upsetting. Apparently, these events are the reason of endless internet searches for inspirational sayings that can offer a little light in a place so filled with darkness. Really, why does it have to be this way??
I have been well versed in the game of, "I win, you lose". That game to where you do not realize you are playing because no matter what you try to so for another.... it is never enough, and it is always done wrong. The other person always wins. No matter how often to try to change to appease that person.... they change the rules in order to make sure you the loser. I have put in what seems like endless years of trying to make people happy. In my family and in my marriage, but I just can't seem to win. While the saying goes, "you cannot please everyone all the time", it is even harder to please one person when that person plays the I win, you lose game. All I managed to learn from this game is never speaking my mind in order to survive. So far, it seems to be working. Makes me sick to my stomach when I do this, but a couple antacids and a good cry at night makes it more bearable. Fortunately, the need for antacids and crying is getting less and less these days when it comes to this aspect of my life. That is definitely a relief in my book. And maybe a small win. A girl can hope, right?
What has become a bitter pill to swallow these days is the games at work that are being played. There is one game master there that has managed to make it miserable for everyone else there. Well, not all, but most. Cloaked in innocence, or it could be just plain acting clueless, that has given this girl the golden ticket, the get out of jail free card, and the winning lottery ticket. Her insecurities are her blanket and she has people trained to do her bidding. All she has to do is bat her lashes and she gets the free pass to wreak havoc in the workplace. With her Cheshire grin and guilt oozing out of her pores, people fall prey. I have watched her get away with far too much. Of course, she has had her sights set on making my life miserable at work and is succeeding. I swallow down more frustration than any rational person can handle, and sometimes a little more than what can be handled. I have tried to place the spotlight on this girl's manipulative behavior for our boss to see and hopefully, to correct before it gets out if hand, but sadly, she has the boss mesmerized by her little spiel and allows her manipulative ways to happen. Heck, my boss apologizes for her behavior, but refuses to reprimand her for it. I fear my days are numbered, but I am even more afraid of finding a new workplace that turns out to be worse than the last place I was at. Life offers no guarantees and believe me.... either my picker of workplaces is off or I am an easy target to fool. Either way.... I am a little apprehensive to make a move.
Do I continue down the path before me and keep trying to sidestep those evil plotters, or do I venture into a new environment that could quite possibly be far worse than what I am currently dealing with? I just don't know anymore. I could just lower my personal value and take a job at some cut rate chain salon that believes in quantity over quality. Selling my soul for pennies because it appears that people are wanting steak for the cost of a White Castle cheeseburger. I may not have famous people beating my door down for a haircut, but I am good at what I do. Shouldn't that be good enough? Or do I need some kind of spiel to twist people into doing my bidding? I just refuse to play games to get ahead. I just fear that my chances at succeeding are being smashed at every turn. I just have no clue how to fight these evil forces that are hell-bent on crushing me and my dreams.
My current way of dealing with these vicious blows is to just take them as they come and deal with licking my wounds when I am home alone. Not getting a lot of support in any direction I turn and that is a little upsetting. Blogging just seems to only do so much. It helps me hold my head up a little stronger by sharing so others know that they are not alone in this journey. At least it gives me piece of mind that I can put these thoughts to rest once I do share them. Or at least eases the pressure that these feelings are causing so I can trudge forward with a little more hope that with each new day, there is another opportunity to try. For yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and what we have now is the present. Sure, we would love to return some presents for an exchange of something better, but the present is a gift and it should be appreciated. Regardless of what that present gives you....
Thanks for reading and have a great day! I guess I have a little more soul searching to what I shall do next. I just hope that all this thinking will pay off in the end. I am just not wanting to be sucked into these games anymore.
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