I have grown up with the traditions that most people have. A house filled with family, friends, laughter, love and food. Sometimes, decorations are involved. Thanksgiving is known for the huge feast of Turkey and all the trimmings with no complaints of the increase on the scale or the nap that follows a full tummy. Christmas (my most favorite time of the year), with all the decorations, the lights, the time with family, and that constant reminder of "it's the thought that counts" when you unwrap the fifth hat and scarf set. It is that feeling of togetherness of family that rarely ever gets time to spend together. Sure, I have no doubt that people can try to carve out a night here and there to invite family over for dinner, but with the hustle and bustle of life in general, it is hard to navigate the perfect time for everyone, thus, the appreciation of the holidays because people will make the time. Of course, it never hurts to have a tradition to give the holiday that added something that makes it special.
Now, with a small family of my own, I have tried to keep the traditions alive. I have made the final push to unite all family from DH's side with mine to celebrate the season, but sadly I have run out of steam to keep doing it. You see, while I work hard to keep the traditions alive, my little family unit has no desire to participate in these traditions. At Thanksgiving, DH takes his seat on the recliner to watch TV while I scurry about cooking and cleaning for the arrival of family to come. While I am running like my life depends upon it, I have to ask for help and get that feeling of guilt that I will never measure up to our parents for the holidays. DH's mom is a saint and I swear that she has forest creatures at the ready to help her to have her house be as spotless as it is, cook a delicious meal and still manage to not look completely frazzled. While I know that my mom had her magical powers, I at least knew she had the ability to place a fire under her offspring's backside to help out. Sure, I can ask DD for a little help, but with her work and school schedule, she needs her sleep during these holiday breaks. Oh, who am I kidding!! She hides in her room for a reason and that is to avoid manual labor over the holidays. While there is plenty to be done before the actual day that family comes over.... I am left to tackle it all on my own with the added obstacle.... DD's boyfriend. It seems that my house is the place to hang out and it is really hard to clean the house while you have your daughter and her boyfriend lounging on the couch, watching Netflix and sharing YouTube videos on their cell phones. I was raised to never ask a guest to help with housework and it gets really hard to do much with a guest in my house almost every day! With thinking getting ready for Thanksgiving being hard.... Christmas is even harder!!
Yep, my favorite holiday is circling the drain. I get zero help for Christmas AND I have limitations to boot! Back, when Christmas gift giving was the way I grew up with... everyone got a gift. It did not matter what it was, but the feeling that someone took the time to think of you and what you like as a gift is what I can only describe as heart-warming. I am not a materialistic person. I do not need the newest gadget or the most expensive trinket to feel loved. What matters to me is the thought... the effort. With the way life is.... we tend to take for granted our feelings for one another. We lack the ability to want to spend time together. What my Christmas season consists is a budget and virtually no gift exchange. When the economy crashed and things got tough for DH and I, we stopped exchanging gifts to one another and only focused on family. Which, in turn, our families decided to only give gifts to the kids and there was an age limit on that (after you turn 18... you are now in the adult pool and no more Christmas gifts from family). We are now down to only one child to buy for and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that the wonderment of Christmas is dying. Then, lets add the zero assistance in the decoration department. DH used to decorate outside, but after 3 years in a row of teenage vandalism to our outdoor decorations.... DH no longer pulls out the decorations or hangs lights on the house. All that is left is the indoor decorations and nobody is willing to volunteer their help, let alone enjoy the effort I put in to put this stuff up. My knees are not built to visit the crawlspace anymore and with our new 3 year old German Shepherd, Mikita, getting acclimated to his new home.... I just do not have the energy to guard a Christmas tree that will take over his favorite spot in the house. That, and the fact that anything round is considered a "ball" and must be played with will be the death of me. Of course, in my mind..... what good is a Christmas tree if there are no gifts underneath it?
This year, I think that the holidays are going to lack even more of the traditions luster. I will go buy my niece her gift, wrap it, and call it a day. I might find something small for DD so she does not feel the sting of no Christmas gifts. DH was furious with me for the gift I got him when I tried to rejuvenate the wonderment of Christmas a few years back and I am not going to try again. Knowing that he does not Christmas shop... I am certain that there will be nothing for me, either. I am downsizing the Christmas tree to one that will sit on my dining room table that has battery operated lights and no ornaments and leaving all my other decorations in the crawlspace. Holiday meals will be no different than an ordinary day and maybe I can get my family to at least go to church with me on Christmas. I might try to bake, but why bother? It just doesn't feel like the holidays anymore. I am just so sorry that the years of traditions are going to die on my watch.....
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