Yep, today I went to where I loathe to go.... the gym. I do recall a time I liked going there and wondered what was I on to like this place because I would love to get that desire to go there again. I know that I blogged earlier today, but never thought of sharing what my first day back at the "sweat shop" was going to be like.... Well, until now....
After doing my morning blog over needing to get a swift kick in the backside over how I am struggling at losing some much needed weight, I decided that I needed to "move more", according to the WW lifestyle. I figured that I will just go back and pick up where I left off at that gym. I ate a really light lunch since I was not all that hungry, but knew I had to have some fuel to make it through my workout, packed my water, borrowed DH's headset since I could not find mine, charged my iPod as I got ready, grabbed by purse and left.... sans iPod. After taking the 20 minutes (hitting every red light along the way), I park my truck and grab my stuff to find that I left my iPod at home. Cussing ans swearing as I trek back home and get my iPod, I also grabbed my Kindle for a little reading while on the treadmill. Another 20 minute drive later (somehow hitting every red light again), I park and walk in with everything I needed. I show the front desk my membership card and head straight for the gym. Apparently, in my year off from the gym, they remodeled and I could not figure my way around there to find the lockers in the gym area. After asking for directions, I turn on my Kindle, sign into their wireless network, and headed for the treadmills. I punched in my intended goal for the day and started walking. Stupid me, set the machine on "fat burn" instead of "random" and ended up on an incline that made it hard to hold on so my pulse rate was in the respective zone. As I tried to read my Kindle, I ended up turning the pages with my nose, thus looking like a moron. Blocking out what others might be thinking, I made it through my 35 minute warm up and headed for the weights. I got my previous workout sheets out and figured that I could just continue where I left off to learn rather quickly that my treadmill journey burned off the calories that I ate for lunch that I had before heading to the gym. Lacking the fuel to do much more, I tried to follow the weightlifting regime that I have not done in a long time and ended up feeling quite dizzy and weak. I sighed as I decided that pushing myself any harder will result in injury, I cut my weight lifting portion short and decide to head for home, not soon enough to avoid hearing my back snap and pop on one of the machines.
As I wearily head back to my car, I go home to have a snack and melt into a chair for a bit. Feeling better, I realized that I need to dial back from what I used to do and just start off lighter and build back to where I was. Now, all I need to do is just hope and pray that the little snap and pop in my back does not cause for a new round of midnight back spasms. The tightness I am feeling now will go away, but get a spasm and I will be really mad. Also, remember to eat more before working out. That treadmill burned every calorie I ate before I could do anything else. I hate being lightheaded and dizzy after working out because that does not show me that working out is something to increase energy if I end up on the floor after doing it.
Well, off to change my workout regime since I do not see myself hitting that place every day right now.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Giving myself a swift kick....
Good morning! Resolutions in place should have started over a week ago, so I felt I could share my what I managed to do. For years, I kept my resolution to never make another New Years Resolution. I did quite well when it is something that is quite easy to do. To me, resolutions were just something you end up breaking after a week or two because even if the intentions were sincere, we all seem to be wired to fail. I have no doubt that there are some people that have a strong enough resolve to follow through, but when it comes to me.... I am a major failure in progress; the saboteur of my goals.
While I have tried feverishly to avoid mentioning anything about my struggles with weight loss and my desire to shed this "fat suit" that I have donned for years. Well, today is going to be a day of breaking that promise, and sadly breaking my "never to make another resolution"-resolution from roughly 5 years back. I decided that it is time to face the music and own up to making a resolution this year. Sadly, at the rate that this journey has been.... it will probably be my resolution for the next couple of years until I finally get there. Yep, I am resolving to get to what I see is my goal weight.... Getting to the level of what the AMA sees as the ideal weight according to the BMI calculations from my height and gender is a one way ticket to becoming anorexic. Really, who thought that nonsense up that you have to be a certain weight to be considered healthy? Shouldn't it be more important to pay attention to other factors than height and gender -- like, bone structure, muscle mass, and bone density? Why does everything have to come down to a number; a number on the scale and a certain size? Also, what makes them (the medical world) think that looking anorexic is actually healthy? I guess they never thought much about what the insides of a person should weigh because if I was to hit that weight, I would be a layer of skin over a bone structure and possibly have most of my organs functioning. Also, what ticks me off is the concept of what is beautiful. Apparently, looking malnourished is all the rage when I do recall that back in the day, having curves was what was pretty.
Okay, okay... back to my intended resolution to release the skinny chick out of this fat suit. While my intentions are pure, I have the attention span of a gnat at getting there. Probably because I am emotional person. Emotions are what fuel me to do what I do. I write when I feel the need, I eat because I desire to survive, and sometimes I eat to fill a void that I have in my soul. What I choose to eat is never right, and with this journey that I have taken on Weight Watchers, I am struggling to conform. I have to keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be a lifestyle change, but I am seeing it as a diet, nonetheless. Whenever I hear the word 'diet', the first word that comes to mind is deprivation. Depriving myself of foods I love, eating things I loathe and exercising like mindless drone when I have better things to do. While some people live like this without much thought, I, on the other hand, do not.
Thinking that Weight Watchers is my learning tool and that the eating plan/diet is something that can work just fine on its own, I have tried to let the eating do all the work. I know that I have to exercise more, but I figured that I am active enough. Obviously, I thought wrong and now I have to muster up the desire to go to a place that I have loathed for years.... the gym. Eating right only got me to lose roughly 20 pounds and the past month has proven that this is as far as I can go unless I get up off my lazy backside and do something extra in my already filled day. I know that I can set aside a little time to do this, but in all honesty... I really am not all that interested in changing my scheduling to do so. A 20 pound loss should be something to celebrate, but when you have as much as I need to lose, it is not. What is more disheartening is that it took me since August to get to where I am now.... 5 months to lose 20 pounds? I am too impatient to accept this as a good thing. I just fear that my determination and that swift kick to my backside will result in me overdoing things and hurting myself in the process. I just hope that my resolve to get this 'diet' to work will hamper my desire to go completely overboard and cause more harm than good. I guess it is the right time to at least try.
I can only attest to my renewed sense of duty on this journey because after the celebratory season has finally come to a close (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and two birthday celebrations (DH & DD's) and I can finally really put 100% focus on me again. Well, that and the few pounds I gained over the past couple of weeks sure put a fire under my tush to change things up. Wish me luck, folks, and I apologize for the whining about my weight on this blog. I have another blog set up just for my weight loss journey and I have been slacking on writing there. Time to get my head back on straight and make 2012 the year that I can be proud of.
Thanks for reading :)
While I have tried feverishly to avoid mentioning anything about my struggles with weight loss and my desire to shed this "fat suit" that I have donned for years. Well, today is going to be a day of breaking that promise, and sadly breaking my "never to make another resolution"-resolution from roughly 5 years back. I decided that it is time to face the music and own up to making a resolution this year. Sadly, at the rate that this journey has been.... it will probably be my resolution for the next couple of years until I finally get there. Yep, I am resolving to get to what I see is my goal weight.... Getting to the level of what the AMA sees as the ideal weight according to the BMI calculations from my height and gender is a one way ticket to becoming anorexic. Really, who thought that nonsense up that you have to be a certain weight to be considered healthy? Shouldn't it be more important to pay attention to other factors than height and gender -- like, bone structure, muscle mass, and bone density? Why does everything have to come down to a number; a number on the scale and a certain size? Also, what makes them (the medical world) think that looking anorexic is actually healthy? I guess they never thought much about what the insides of a person should weigh because if I was to hit that weight, I would be a layer of skin over a bone structure and possibly have most of my organs functioning. Also, what ticks me off is the concept of what is beautiful. Apparently, looking malnourished is all the rage when I do recall that back in the day, having curves was what was pretty.
Okay, okay... back to my intended resolution to release the skinny chick out of this fat suit. While my intentions are pure, I have the attention span of a gnat at getting there. Probably because I am emotional person. Emotions are what fuel me to do what I do. I write when I feel the need, I eat because I desire to survive, and sometimes I eat to fill a void that I have in my soul. What I choose to eat is never right, and with this journey that I have taken on Weight Watchers, I am struggling to conform. I have to keep reminding myself that this is supposed to be a lifestyle change, but I am seeing it as a diet, nonetheless. Whenever I hear the word 'diet', the first word that comes to mind is deprivation. Depriving myself of foods I love, eating things I loathe and exercising like mindless drone when I have better things to do. While some people live like this without much thought, I, on the other hand, do not.
Thinking that Weight Watchers is my learning tool and that the eating plan/diet is something that can work just fine on its own, I have tried to let the eating do all the work. I know that I have to exercise more, but I figured that I am active enough. Obviously, I thought wrong and now I have to muster up the desire to go to a place that I have loathed for years.... the gym. Eating right only got me to lose roughly 20 pounds and the past month has proven that this is as far as I can go unless I get up off my lazy backside and do something extra in my already filled day. I know that I can set aside a little time to do this, but in all honesty... I really am not all that interested in changing my scheduling to do so. A 20 pound loss should be something to celebrate, but when you have as much as I need to lose, it is not. What is more disheartening is that it took me since August to get to where I am now.... 5 months to lose 20 pounds? I am too impatient to accept this as a good thing. I just fear that my determination and that swift kick to my backside will result in me overdoing things and hurting myself in the process. I just hope that my resolve to get this 'diet' to work will hamper my desire to go completely overboard and cause more harm than good. I guess it is the right time to at least try.
I can only attest to my renewed sense of duty on this journey because after the celebratory season has finally come to a close (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and two birthday celebrations (DH & DD's) and I can finally really put 100% focus on me again. Well, that and the few pounds I gained over the past couple of weeks sure put a fire under my tush to change things up. Wish me luck, folks, and I apologize for the whining about my weight on this blog. I have another blog set up just for my weight loss journey and I have been slacking on writing there. Time to get my head back on straight and make 2012 the year that I can be proud of.
Thanks for reading :)
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Fruity Mistake....
I have a little public service announcement that will come in handy of you ever get the opportunity to do what I did today.....
Everyone has a time in their lives that we tend to follow the fads of diets to lose those few pounds that can make us feel one notch above feeling like a beached whale. I am no exception. Now, Weight Watchers is not really a "diet" as it is a learning tool for a lifestyle change for the better. Sadly, the road to graduating from terrible eater to a healthy one has its ups and downs. During the journey, we try to do things that we never would normally do on our dizziest days because as the saying goes... "if it aint broke... don't fix it". Sometimes, change is necessary for health reasons, but learning your limitations should be first on that "to do list" of making a lifelong change for the better.
There is a common link that products like Alli (the diet supplement) and the components that make sugar free candy - sugar free- when it comes to a person's digestive tract. A dear friend made the best analogy that products that can create diarrhea because of food choices is like the "dog clicker" method to never do that again. Alli, blocks fat from entering the body and if you eat too much fat... well, what you ate will pass through you like greased pig through a tube. Same goes for sugar free candy... eat too much and you will be spending the day in your bathroom. Both things will offer you a little "nudge" that you made a major miscalculation in judgement with gas pain, cramping and an overwhelming fear that bodily functions can happen without anny effort... ie diarreah.
That is what my dietary journey took me to today. No, I did not take the dietary supplement Alli. I accidentally overindulged in the Weight Watcher sugar free treat called "fruities", and now I am getting punished for it.....
After scarfing down breakfast, I went along with my usual running of the errands. I dropped off DD at school, called the chiropractor to get an emergency adjustment, did a little shopping for DD's upcoming sleepover event and called DD's doctor to make an appointment to get her ears cleaned out. (crazy kid uses ear-buds with her mp3 player and jammed the wax in her ears to where she is having difficulty hearing anything) As the doctor's office goes through its "protocol" of making me talk to a nurse before I can be allowed to make the appointment, I get an appointment for her for today at 11:00. Not leaving much time to have my mid-morning snack since my breakfast consisted of just a small bowl of cereal, I raced through the errands I needed to do, picked up DD from school and race her off to see the doctor. By the time we get to the doctor's office, I am absolutely famished and look into my purse, lovingly called the black hole, for something to keep my hunger at bay. Poor planning on my part left me nothing but those little fruit snacks from Weight Watchers. As famished as I was, I figured that if I had just a few pieces, I should make it through the not so surprisingly long wait at the doctor's office and get some much needed lunch. Knowing that if I overindulge, I will get that "dog clicker" result, so I thought I was paying attention to how much I had. Obviously, I didn't.
After an hour at the doctor's office, I take DD to Subway for a sandwich since it is lunch time. We order our sandwiches and sat down to eat. Apparently, I forgot that there is a period of time that the "dog clicker" effects need to brew inside my digestive system and loaded my sandwich with all that healthy whole grain and vegetable goodness that also causes gas in people. I was trying to follow the Weight Watcher credo... "eat your fruit and vegetables every day", and just added on more gas in my system that if I did not eat the sandwich, already had a taxing effect from those darn "fruities". Feeling quite ill, and oddly enough a growl came from my stomach. Then it occurs to me that if I even think of passing gas, I just might "soil myself" for my mindless choices.
Luckily, I got DD back to school, high-tailed it home and made it to the sanctuary that I call my bathroom. What really sucks is that now I am going to be on a very short leash from my bathroom until the effects of what I did finally wear off. What a waste of a beautiful day outside...
Everyone has a time in their lives that we tend to follow the fads of diets to lose those few pounds that can make us feel one notch above feeling like a beached whale. I am no exception. Now, Weight Watchers is not really a "diet" as it is a learning tool for a lifestyle change for the better. Sadly, the road to graduating from terrible eater to a healthy one has its ups and downs. During the journey, we try to do things that we never would normally do on our dizziest days because as the saying goes... "if it aint broke... don't fix it". Sometimes, change is necessary for health reasons, but learning your limitations should be first on that "to do list" of making a lifelong change for the better.
There is a common link that products like Alli (the diet supplement) and the components that make sugar free candy - sugar free- when it comes to a person's digestive tract. A dear friend made the best analogy that products that can create diarrhea because of food choices is like the "dog clicker" method to never do that again. Alli, blocks fat from entering the body and if you eat too much fat... well, what you ate will pass through you like greased pig through a tube. Same goes for sugar free candy... eat too much and you will be spending the day in your bathroom. Both things will offer you a little "nudge" that you made a major miscalculation in judgement with gas pain, cramping and an overwhelming fear that bodily functions can happen without anny effort... ie diarreah.
That is what my dietary journey took me to today. No, I did not take the dietary supplement Alli. I accidentally overindulged in the Weight Watcher sugar free treat called "fruities", and now I am getting punished for it.....
After scarfing down breakfast, I went along with my usual running of the errands. I dropped off DD at school, called the chiropractor to get an emergency adjustment, did a little shopping for DD's upcoming sleepover event and called DD's doctor to make an appointment to get her ears cleaned out. (crazy kid uses ear-buds with her mp3 player and jammed the wax in her ears to where she is having difficulty hearing anything) As the doctor's office goes through its "protocol" of making me talk to a nurse before I can be allowed to make the appointment, I get an appointment for her for today at 11:00. Not leaving much time to have my mid-morning snack since my breakfast consisted of just a small bowl of cereal, I raced through the errands I needed to do, picked up DD from school and race her off to see the doctor. By the time we get to the doctor's office, I am absolutely famished and look into my purse, lovingly called the black hole, for something to keep my hunger at bay. Poor planning on my part left me nothing but those little fruit snacks from Weight Watchers. As famished as I was, I figured that if I had just a few pieces, I should make it through the not so surprisingly long wait at the doctor's office and get some much needed lunch. Knowing that if I overindulge, I will get that "dog clicker" result, so I thought I was paying attention to how much I had. Obviously, I didn't.
After an hour at the doctor's office, I take DD to Subway for a sandwich since it is lunch time. We order our sandwiches and sat down to eat. Apparently, I forgot that there is a period of time that the "dog clicker" effects need to brew inside my digestive system and loaded my sandwich with all that healthy whole grain and vegetable goodness that also causes gas in people. I was trying to follow the Weight Watcher credo... "eat your fruit and vegetables every day", and just added on more gas in my system that if I did not eat the sandwich, already had a taxing effect from those darn "fruities". Feeling quite ill, and oddly enough a growl came from my stomach. Then it occurs to me that if I even think of passing gas, I just might "soil myself" for my mindless choices.
Luckily, I got DD back to school, high-tailed it home and made it to the sanctuary that I call my bathroom. What really sucks is that now I am going to be on a very short leash from my bathroom until the effects of what I did finally wear off. What a waste of a beautiful day outside...
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Why I hate politics.....
Good morning. Feeling a little politically overloaded this morning. After the confetti settled from the New Years festivities, the mainstream media is managing to fit in more and more political commentaries. Gotta just love the questions the newscasters are throwing out there to make every political candidate hopeful look like 5-year old children fighting over who's daddy can beat up who's daddy. All the while, we are getting peppered with more Obama "face time" with speeches that lead to nowhere. That man, I believe, was the sacrificial lamb offered to be slaughtered by the Democratic Party. This man has no clue how to do his job, and what he has managed to do is be a "yes man" to every lobbyist and bad idea, all the while, blaming everyone except himself over his incompetence. What an interesting way to get the American people interested in politics again.... Elect some incompetent schmuck, allow him to make bad decisions, push through half-thought out ideas, and take loads of vacations.
While I do not think I could do any better because I have no political experience, I can definitely see room for improvement. Thank goodness this is an election year, right? This is where I have my serious doubts. Watching the debates, paying attention to the one of many caucuses and wondering what the primaries hold, I see a group of Presidential hopefuls being less than professional. In all honesty, I fear that regardless of who gets to live in the huge white rental in Pennsylvania Avenue is going to be far from what we need to give this struggling economy a swift, and effective, kick in the ass. Really, who is capable of fixing the damage of the past 3 years Obama has had the reigns and remain focused that they are actually working for the American people and not their own personal agenda?
Heck, the "dog and pony" show that is required to be seen as a Presidential hopeful should cause for great concern. Obama's "face time" sure is not cementing him a reelection. You have to realize that the process to get anything done rests between the houses of government and even those schmucks refuse to agree on anything. Watching the whole political process that has been televised reminds me of some nature show on National Geographic where the male species flex and show off to get the attention of the female in heat.... Remember the clashing of heads in a battle to be on top? There you have it. We have not evolved all that much if low-blows are what get you ahead in life. Believe me, there is greed in "them thare hills". No, we are not greedy... just everyone else, right? I guess that is where the battle between Socialist and Communist comes to play.... Socialists believe that there is no equality in the races because of effort made to acclaim their wealth, while Communists believe in equal shares regardless of effort. Kind of being graded from the average of the whole group taking the same test. The ones that studied get a lower grade because the ones that did not study failed miserably, thus lowering the average. While we tend to agree with both, we would prefer to earn the right to be better off than others because of the effort we put in. All it usually takes is having one lazy person take from you what you earned to see that. I believe in fairness, but sadly, our current President has placed the communist bug in the ears of those not willing to pull them up by the boot straps and those lemmings have followed his pipe dream right into devastation by electing him.
Now we have an ever growing number of really confused and ticked off people. There is most likely a large number of people that believed in Obama's communist pipe dream of a better America is finally waking up from that la-la land and really needing a change for the better. Which way will they go? The Republican hopefuls are promising "less government" to fix the problem, deeper spending cuts to try to balance an out of control economy, and trying to instill the need for more Socialist qualities by getting those jobs that were shipped out to other countries back in the reach of Americans. Sadly, the electoral college will swing those votes of popularity as they see fit and that whole concept of "one man, one vote speaking volumes" will be silenced once again.... That is what I fear. Well that and the no guarantee that what gets promised once elected gets done because everyone has their own personal agenda that nobody really knows about.
Why am I so adamant about things getting better? I went out to lunch with my mom yesterday at Chili's and as we waited to be seated in a virtually empty restaurant, and waited for the waitress to come to take our order... There, sitting on the table, is a kiosk where you can place your own order. Gee, I wonder if the pride in working in a restaurant has died down to just schlepping food with virtually no interaction with people? Sure felt that way. I forgot to look and see where this "virtual waitress" was made.... probably China.... Another job being downsized because our economy stinks..... Darn politics!
While I do not think I could do any better because I have no political experience, I can definitely see room for improvement. Thank goodness this is an election year, right? This is where I have my serious doubts. Watching the debates, paying attention to the one of many caucuses and wondering what the primaries hold, I see a group of Presidential hopefuls being less than professional. In all honesty, I fear that regardless of who gets to live in the huge white rental in Pennsylvania Avenue is going to be far from what we need to give this struggling economy a swift, and effective, kick in the ass. Really, who is capable of fixing the damage of the past 3 years Obama has had the reigns and remain focused that they are actually working for the American people and not their own personal agenda?
Heck, the "dog and pony" show that is required to be seen as a Presidential hopeful should cause for great concern. Obama's "face time" sure is not cementing him a reelection. You have to realize that the process to get anything done rests between the houses of government and even those schmucks refuse to agree on anything. Watching the whole political process that has been televised reminds me of some nature show on National Geographic where the male species flex and show off to get the attention of the female in heat.... Remember the clashing of heads in a battle to be on top? There you have it. We have not evolved all that much if low-blows are what get you ahead in life. Believe me, there is greed in "them thare hills". No, we are not greedy... just everyone else, right? I guess that is where the battle between Socialist and Communist comes to play.... Socialists believe that there is no equality in the races because of effort made to acclaim their wealth, while Communists believe in equal shares regardless of effort. Kind of being graded from the average of the whole group taking the same test. The ones that studied get a lower grade because the ones that did not study failed miserably, thus lowering the average. While we tend to agree with both, we would prefer to earn the right to be better off than others because of the effort we put in. All it usually takes is having one lazy person take from you what you earned to see that. I believe in fairness, but sadly, our current President has placed the communist bug in the ears of those not willing to pull them up by the boot straps and those lemmings have followed his pipe dream right into devastation by electing him.
Now we have an ever growing number of really confused and ticked off people. There is most likely a large number of people that believed in Obama's communist pipe dream of a better America is finally waking up from that la-la land and really needing a change for the better. Which way will they go? The Republican hopefuls are promising "less government" to fix the problem, deeper spending cuts to try to balance an out of control economy, and trying to instill the need for more Socialist qualities by getting those jobs that were shipped out to other countries back in the reach of Americans. Sadly, the electoral college will swing those votes of popularity as they see fit and that whole concept of "one man, one vote speaking volumes" will be silenced once again.... That is what I fear. Well that and the no guarantee that what gets promised once elected gets done because everyone has their own personal agenda that nobody really knows about.
Why am I so adamant about things getting better? I went out to lunch with my mom yesterday at Chili's and as we waited to be seated in a virtually empty restaurant, and waited for the waitress to come to take our order... There, sitting on the table, is a kiosk where you can place your own order. Gee, I wonder if the pride in working in a restaurant has died down to just schlepping food with virtually no interaction with people? Sure felt that way. I forgot to look and see where this "virtual waitress" was made.... probably China.... Another job being downsized because our economy stinks..... Darn politics!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Hurry up and wait.....
Ever notice our patience level varies at different ages? Patience is what makes the heart grow fonder, right? Apparently not. Life's milestones should be moments that we allow to arrive when they are to arrive, not sooner, not later. Think about it....
When we are just mere children... you know, the age where you are not allowed to do anything "cool" like drive a car, stay up late, go to a "R" rated movie, or even have a beer. It all depends upon what we desired back then. Being the youngest of four kids, I can honestly attest to the idea that I was quite impatient for some things. Seeing my older siblings getting freedoms that I wished I could do really frustrated me. As I wished that time moved faster so I could do what they were allowed to do, time never was fast enough. I do find it comical, that as we get to certain milestones, they seem to go past in a blink of an eye. Waiting to turn 16, pushing time to make it to 21, saying "whoa" to getting 30, and screaming "holy crap" when I hit 40. Where did the time go? I do not think I got to enjoy any of those milestones long enough as time pushes us forward. I know that I have some time (roughly 6-1/2 years) before the big 5-0 hits, but am I really ready to face getting even older if I feel that I am missing out on what I pushed time being impatient for? I mean, I drive a car, but the appreciation for the privilege died off faster than it took to get there. I have seen an "R" rated film, was it really as exciting as it should have been as I pushed to get old enough to go? I have had a beer (or two) and have been in a few bars, but where is the excitement that I longed for to race time to get to that point? Staying up or staying out late is something I have managed to experience, but why is it as I got older, the desire to do that has become more of a hindrance than an asset? I hated naps as a kid, now I actually look forward to the opportunity? What is that all about? I have been hurrying up to wait... that is what it is.
Now, hurrying up to wait comes in many packages. Some more frustrating than others. As I went to take DD to school because she was running late, I noticed a lot, and I mean a lot, of people pushing their foot so hard on the gas pedal just to slam on the brakes just as hard. Really? Is it worth making a drive from point 'A' to point 'B' a NASCAR event? Tailgating someone with hopes that either the road offers an opening to fly around or that "slow poke" in front of them will finally speed up is so common, yet so comical when once they get an open spot to really fly past people, they are hit with a red light and are required to stop. Talk about efforts falling short. I happen to have a hurry up and wait scenario that has been moving at a snails pace for the past few years. The "skinny" person inside of me is screaming to be seen and I have tried doing everything right to lose the weight, but become so frustrated that it is not falling off faster. I wanted to get thin, like yesterday, but I am still staggering out of the starting block as I see it. As I think about it, I am kind of like that insane driver racing to get somewhere, just to slam on the brakes when things start moving. I just wonder.... when I do get to my determined destination (like that insane driver)... then what? Chances are, their point 'A' has also a point 'B', point 'C', point 'D', and so forth.
I can only say that it is fine timing to actually take the foot off the gas pedal in life and actually take the time to enjoy what it has to offer... to actually admire the sights along the way. As I watched DD step out of my truck this morning to hurry off to school, I realized that she is no longer that baby that kept me up at nights, fought every step of the way to learn from me how to eat, use the potty, and walk. Time seems to be really flying in my eyes.... Before I know it... she will be all grown, independent and on her own. I can only hope that I can teach her one thing... to not hurry up life to wish you can make it wait when you get my age.
When we are just mere children... you know, the age where you are not allowed to do anything "cool" like drive a car, stay up late, go to a "R" rated movie, or even have a beer. It all depends upon what we desired back then. Being the youngest of four kids, I can honestly attest to the idea that I was quite impatient for some things. Seeing my older siblings getting freedoms that I wished I could do really frustrated me. As I wished that time moved faster so I could do what they were allowed to do, time never was fast enough. I do find it comical, that as we get to certain milestones, they seem to go past in a blink of an eye. Waiting to turn 16, pushing time to make it to 21, saying "whoa" to getting 30, and screaming "holy crap" when I hit 40. Where did the time go? I do not think I got to enjoy any of those milestones long enough as time pushes us forward. I know that I have some time (roughly 6-1/2 years) before the big 5-0 hits, but am I really ready to face getting even older if I feel that I am missing out on what I pushed time being impatient for? I mean, I drive a car, but the appreciation for the privilege died off faster than it took to get there. I have seen an "R" rated film, was it really as exciting as it should have been as I pushed to get old enough to go? I have had a beer (or two) and have been in a few bars, but where is the excitement that I longed for to race time to get to that point? Staying up or staying out late is something I have managed to experience, but why is it as I got older, the desire to do that has become more of a hindrance than an asset? I hated naps as a kid, now I actually look forward to the opportunity? What is that all about? I have been hurrying up to wait... that is what it is.
Now, hurrying up to wait comes in many packages. Some more frustrating than others. As I went to take DD to school because she was running late, I noticed a lot, and I mean a lot, of people pushing their foot so hard on the gas pedal just to slam on the brakes just as hard. Really? Is it worth making a drive from point 'A' to point 'B' a NASCAR event? Tailgating someone with hopes that either the road offers an opening to fly around or that "slow poke" in front of them will finally speed up is so common, yet so comical when once they get an open spot to really fly past people, they are hit with a red light and are required to stop. Talk about efforts falling short. I happen to have a hurry up and wait scenario that has been moving at a snails pace for the past few years. The "skinny" person inside of me is screaming to be seen and I have tried doing everything right to lose the weight, but become so frustrated that it is not falling off faster. I wanted to get thin, like yesterday, but I am still staggering out of the starting block as I see it. As I think about it, I am kind of like that insane driver racing to get somewhere, just to slam on the brakes when things start moving. I just wonder.... when I do get to my determined destination (like that insane driver)... then what? Chances are, their point 'A' has also a point 'B', point 'C', point 'D', and so forth.
I can only say that it is fine timing to actually take the foot off the gas pedal in life and actually take the time to enjoy what it has to offer... to actually admire the sights along the way. As I watched DD step out of my truck this morning to hurry off to school, I realized that she is no longer that baby that kept me up at nights, fought every step of the way to learn from me how to eat, use the potty, and walk. Time seems to be really flying in my eyes.... Before I know it... she will be all grown, independent and on her own. I can only hope that I can teach her one thing... to not hurry up life to wish you can make it wait when you get my age.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The elusive advice giver.....
Everyone has a friend or family member that offers advise all the time, and I mean all...the...time... I can only gather that these people are constantly on "fix it" mode whenever they hear someone speak. It makes me wonder if they really ever followed their own advise.
Just recently... well, not all that recently... I have noticed that I tend to vent a lot more than I used to. Back in the day, I used to call these venting moments the "Negative Nancy Phase". I was not actually looking for a solution to the problem(s) from the people I vented to, I just needed to let loose a little steam so I can figure what words I would like to use to get the situation to change or figure a way to accept/embrace the annoyance. I see that people are capable of doing things... hurtful things... and not even know that they did that. It is all in the perception of what is brought to your attention. Some people manage to act without thinking and I see that as a recipe for disaster. Albeit, it is a great concept to have an idea that you think is great, but fall really short at looking at all the different variations of end result. I have one example regarding this....
Our current President had the glorious idea to make health insurance available to everyone, regardless of preexisting conditions. The concept is nice, but it was not all that well thought out as he pushed for his health care reform bill into action. Private insurance companies were told that they were to offer coverage to people that are more a liability than an asset. You see, any business dreams of having a company that makes money and never has to pay out. Insurance companies are the one company that blatantly show that trait. The only time a person is considered an asset in the insurance world is if they never make a claim and continue to pay their premiums on time. Now, think about this... because our government did not think this through... Insurance companies are required to offer coverage to every person, but it was not stated that the cost to have insurance would be a reasonable one. Insurance companies are allowed to raise premiums to unbelievable new highs and coverage to an ever sinking low because they are required to cover everyone. Our president figured that we needed insurance, which we do, but did not cap the premiums that the insurance companies are charging the people of whom they are required to cover. Coverage is coverage, right? Who cares that you would need a down comforter in the winter if all you are given is a thin sheet. You have something to cover you and that is required by law. Not at the level that you need or should get, but there it is.
I guess that is where I wonder where these "advise givers" get their advice skills. Have they actually followed their own advice and had it end favorably? There are way too many variances in place when advice is given. First and foremost is the situation that you are in. Is demanding more when there is no more to offer a good idea? Secondly, is the person(s) you are having the issue with accepting of criticism and willing to change? Perceptions of what is considered an issue does look different from one person to the next. And thirdly, if you get a demand met, is it going to be all that you asked for or is it some kind-of Rumpelstiltskin-esque twist that you did not ask for. Anyone can say that they are going to do as asked, but not necessarily in the manner of which you thought it should be done. Also, what if your demands cause a rift in the continuity or fluidity for what was considered working just fine? I have one example of that...
Giving DH the checkbook to handle the bills did relinquish me from the responsibility, but it totally cut me off from making any executive decisions. Believe me, I was at my wits end in arguing over finances for years with him. I figured that if he got a taste of his nonchalant outlook on getting paid whenever and the bills that demanded their attention, he would see things my way. Apparently, it did the complete opposite. The way that DH is handling the bills actually makes me grind my teeth and bite my nails.
Now, I have yet another problem and fear that any advise would fare less than expected. I have hit my breaking point when it comes to my domestic duties. I live with two people that act no less than privileged. I know that I have enabled their behavior. Last night, while cooking dinner, I stepped away for a few minutes to take care of something else. DH was asleep on the couch, DD was tuning out the world in her room with her mp3 player and the computer. In that whole two minutes I was away from the kitchen, DH wakes up and yells at me that dinner is going to burn. Now, any other person would turn the stove off if they believed that dinner was about to burn. Apparently, that is not the case in my house. I get told how to do things, but never get actual help by doing it themselves. DD is aware that her sleepover is not going to happen if her room is a pigsty, but knows that mom will break down and clean it for her. DH announces that he is running out of clean socks, but refuses to pick up the pile of dirty ones and put it in the laundry room for me to wash them or even wash them himself. I remember when I was really sick and unable to cook or clean since I was in dire need of rest. Getting the questions thrown at me about "when is dinner and what are we having" could easily be avoided if they offer to do something instead of nag. I snapped that day and really put DH out of his comfort zone to go to the store and get a frozen pizza to cook, cook it and eat it for dinner. Really? Do I need to be a total B.I.T.C.H every time they need to do something for themselves in this house? Now, if I take the advice that was given to me to make them fend for themselves, I will most likely be dealing with a starving, filthy clothes wearing and miserable pair of people that refuse to take responsibility by the horns and will... and I mean will... burn, bleach, ruin and destroy the house to convince me that I can never leave nor ever stop all the hard work I put in every day because they are more stubborn than me. Maybe I should turn the tables and ask for advise from the ones that create the need I have for seeking advice and see if they would take it and run with it when I offer it back at them. HA! I think I solved my problems... Well, maybe it would cause more. I guess it never hurts to try, right?
Just recently... well, not all that recently... I have noticed that I tend to vent a lot more than I used to. Back in the day, I used to call these venting moments the "Negative Nancy Phase". I was not actually looking for a solution to the problem(s) from the people I vented to, I just needed to let loose a little steam so I can figure what words I would like to use to get the situation to change or figure a way to accept/embrace the annoyance. I see that people are capable of doing things... hurtful things... and not even know that they did that. It is all in the perception of what is brought to your attention. Some people manage to act without thinking and I see that as a recipe for disaster. Albeit, it is a great concept to have an idea that you think is great, but fall really short at looking at all the different variations of end result. I have one example regarding this....
Our current President had the glorious idea to make health insurance available to everyone, regardless of preexisting conditions. The concept is nice, but it was not all that well thought out as he pushed for his health care reform bill into action. Private insurance companies were told that they were to offer coverage to people that are more a liability than an asset. You see, any business dreams of having a company that makes money and never has to pay out. Insurance companies are the one company that blatantly show that trait. The only time a person is considered an asset in the insurance world is if they never make a claim and continue to pay their premiums on time. Now, think about this... because our government did not think this through... Insurance companies are required to offer coverage to every person, but it was not stated that the cost to have insurance would be a reasonable one. Insurance companies are allowed to raise premiums to unbelievable new highs and coverage to an ever sinking low because they are required to cover everyone. Our president figured that we needed insurance, which we do, but did not cap the premiums that the insurance companies are charging the people of whom they are required to cover. Coverage is coverage, right? Who cares that you would need a down comforter in the winter if all you are given is a thin sheet. You have something to cover you and that is required by law. Not at the level that you need or should get, but there it is.
I guess that is where I wonder where these "advise givers" get their advice skills. Have they actually followed their own advice and had it end favorably? There are way too many variances in place when advice is given. First and foremost is the situation that you are in. Is demanding more when there is no more to offer a good idea? Secondly, is the person(s) you are having the issue with accepting of criticism and willing to change? Perceptions of what is considered an issue does look different from one person to the next. And thirdly, if you get a demand met, is it going to be all that you asked for or is it some kind-of Rumpelstiltskin-esque twist that you did not ask for. Anyone can say that they are going to do as asked, but not necessarily in the manner of which you thought it should be done. Also, what if your demands cause a rift in the continuity or fluidity for what was considered working just fine? I have one example of that...
Giving DH the checkbook to handle the bills did relinquish me from the responsibility, but it totally cut me off from making any executive decisions. Believe me, I was at my wits end in arguing over finances for years with him. I figured that if he got a taste of his nonchalant outlook on getting paid whenever and the bills that demanded their attention, he would see things my way. Apparently, it did the complete opposite. The way that DH is handling the bills actually makes me grind my teeth and bite my nails.
Now, I have yet another problem and fear that any advise would fare less than expected. I have hit my breaking point when it comes to my domestic duties. I live with two people that act no less than privileged. I know that I have enabled their behavior. Last night, while cooking dinner, I stepped away for a few minutes to take care of something else. DH was asleep on the couch, DD was tuning out the world in her room with her mp3 player and the computer. In that whole two minutes I was away from the kitchen, DH wakes up and yells at me that dinner is going to burn. Now, any other person would turn the stove off if they believed that dinner was about to burn. Apparently, that is not the case in my house. I get told how to do things, but never get actual help by doing it themselves. DD is aware that her sleepover is not going to happen if her room is a pigsty, but knows that mom will break down and clean it for her. DH announces that he is running out of clean socks, but refuses to pick up the pile of dirty ones and put it in the laundry room for me to wash them or even wash them himself. I remember when I was really sick and unable to cook or clean since I was in dire need of rest. Getting the questions thrown at me about "when is dinner and what are we having" could easily be avoided if they offer to do something instead of nag. I snapped that day and really put DH out of his comfort zone to go to the store and get a frozen pizza to cook, cook it and eat it for dinner. Really? Do I need to be a total B.I.T.C.H every time they need to do something for themselves in this house? Now, if I take the advice that was given to me to make them fend for themselves, I will most likely be dealing with a starving, filthy clothes wearing and miserable pair of people that refuse to take responsibility by the horns and will... and I mean will... burn, bleach, ruin and destroy the house to convince me that I can never leave nor ever stop all the hard work I put in every day because they are more stubborn than me. Maybe I should turn the tables and ask for advise from the ones that create the need I have for seeking advice and see if they would take it and run with it when I offer it back at them. HA! I think I solved my problems... Well, maybe it would cause more. I guess it never hurts to try, right?
Monday, January 2, 2012
Party planning mom.....
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all were safe while having fun.
Parties are something I usually do not do all that well at. Going to them? Sure, I can whoop it up with the best of them. Planning a party? Well, I have great ideas, but no capital to back up my plans. Running a party? HA! That is where I seem to lack talent. I like to let parties go as they may. I offer entertainment by either having people watch my clumsy nature or I will have other things around. I am not one to grab the attention and be the center of it. I like to call myself the one that makes things happen without doing all that much. People entertain themselves quite easily, so when I throw a gathering, I make sure that I have a good mix of people that are capable of entertaining themselves.
As DD is getting to be a year older in less than a week, I agreed to letting her have a sleepover party. As I look back on agreeing to this, I am currently wondering if I was on any medications when I agreed. Oh my goodness! What was I thinking?? I do not hang out with DD's friends, I really have no clue what stage or phase they are all in to figure how to make her birthday "one for the books". You see, DD's friends have vivid imaginations with parents that do not have financial limitations. A few of these birthday parties that DD has attended ranged from "an evening of skating", to bowling parties, to overnight stays at a hotel that has a pool. While, I have tried to make her previous birthday parties fun, I have used various outlets of entertainment.... Chuck E Cheese was the first of many planned events when she was young. I figured it went well, but you can tell that parties like that are lame. I ventured into sport themed parties through the park district. It offered entertainment, but with such a vast number of different personalities, I did not see it go as smoothly as it should. I even had a few parties thrown at DD's Taekwondo school. They were okay, but there comes a time when you just need to suck it up and plan something that surrounds what kids her age like to do. Apparently, the big thing is sleepover parties. Okay, I know that the concept is to not really sleep, but being a woman of my age... these kids are gonna sleep if it kills me.
DH agreed to let DD have a sleepover on her birthday weekend. I still have not figured what is going through DH's head after he agreed to having a bunch of girls sleeping over. I do not think he really thought this through, but probably figured that I can pull a rabbit out of my hat and make this fun for them and completely controlled so DH has to do nothing. DD is his world and is willing to give her anything she wants. No, not like the pushover like Veruca Salt's daddy was in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but he is quite accommodating to DD's demands.... within reason. I fear that I will be saying "suck it up and deal" to DH at least a half dozen times over the course of next weekend. Being non-confrontational that I tend to be, I will need to muster the courage to do so anyway.
As I printed up the invites, set the limited number to 4 friends since my house is really not all that big to accommodate more than that, and already have some activities in line. I am silently suffering the little details of timing. I am going to be the chauffeur, the maid, the cook and the party planner through all of this. I am just not sure that I can pull this party off without a hitch. I have no clue if these kids are going to be here on time, if there is any special dietary request that I can accommodate for, and I really hate scheduling the time limits for each event. Let me give you a little 4-1-1 on what I have planned so far....
Kids arrive at 5pm, dinner is served by 5:15pm (which consists of a HUGE sandwich that will look like a 3-tier cake, chips and drinks), a mini makeover event will start to commence by 6pm (thus offering 1 hour of primping and pampering with makeup, hair accessories and nail polish), then round up the troops and head to the local roller rink for some skating for 2 hours, and head back home to a cupcake decorating event, popcorn and a movie from Netflix. Hopefully, I can pull all of this off before 10pm because I know that at least 1 kid will have to be driven home because her parents do not let their kids sleep over at anyone's house. Chances are, by 10pm, they should be worn out enough to consider sleeping because DH will be spent. Come the following morning, I am offering breakfast and then they are all to go to their respective homes. After that, I get to muster up the energy to deal with a sleep deprived daughter, a slightly cranky husband (because I know that there will not be much sleeping going on), to get the grocery shopping done for the week and maybe... just maybe after that... I can crash on the couch because I will be spent by then. I know that we will be missing church, but it is a price we are paying to have a sleepover and try to rest up for yet another week of work/school.
After thinking so much about what they are going to be doing, I forgot to figure out how to decorate for this event. My goodness! Being a preteen is no picnic because there is really no "theme" to this party. YIKES! I need to get some inspiration really quick if this party is worthy of DD's approval..... No wonder I have difficulties making parties.....
Parties are something I usually do not do all that well at. Going to them? Sure, I can whoop it up with the best of them. Planning a party? Well, I have great ideas, but no capital to back up my plans. Running a party? HA! That is where I seem to lack talent. I like to let parties go as they may. I offer entertainment by either having people watch my clumsy nature or I will have other things around. I am not one to grab the attention and be the center of it. I like to call myself the one that makes things happen without doing all that much. People entertain themselves quite easily, so when I throw a gathering, I make sure that I have a good mix of people that are capable of entertaining themselves.
As DD is getting to be a year older in less than a week, I agreed to letting her have a sleepover party. As I look back on agreeing to this, I am currently wondering if I was on any medications when I agreed. Oh my goodness! What was I thinking?? I do not hang out with DD's friends, I really have no clue what stage or phase they are all in to figure how to make her birthday "one for the books". You see, DD's friends have vivid imaginations with parents that do not have financial limitations. A few of these birthday parties that DD has attended ranged from "an evening of skating", to bowling parties, to overnight stays at a hotel that has a pool. While, I have tried to make her previous birthday parties fun, I have used various outlets of entertainment.... Chuck E Cheese was the first of many planned events when she was young. I figured it went well, but you can tell that parties like that are lame. I ventured into sport themed parties through the park district. It offered entertainment, but with such a vast number of different personalities, I did not see it go as smoothly as it should. I even had a few parties thrown at DD's Taekwondo school. They were okay, but there comes a time when you just need to suck it up and plan something that surrounds what kids her age like to do. Apparently, the big thing is sleepover parties. Okay, I know that the concept is to not really sleep, but being a woman of my age... these kids are gonna sleep if it kills me.
DH agreed to let DD have a sleepover on her birthday weekend. I still have not figured what is going through DH's head after he agreed to having a bunch of girls sleeping over. I do not think he really thought this through, but probably figured that I can pull a rabbit out of my hat and make this fun for them and completely controlled so DH has to do nothing. DD is his world and is willing to give her anything she wants. No, not like the pushover like Veruca Salt's daddy was in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but he is quite accommodating to DD's demands.... within reason. I fear that I will be saying "suck it up and deal" to DH at least a half dozen times over the course of next weekend. Being non-confrontational that I tend to be, I will need to muster the courage to do so anyway.
As I printed up the invites, set the limited number to 4 friends since my house is really not all that big to accommodate more than that, and already have some activities in line. I am silently suffering the little details of timing. I am going to be the chauffeur, the maid, the cook and the party planner through all of this. I am just not sure that I can pull this party off without a hitch. I have no clue if these kids are going to be here on time, if there is any special dietary request that I can accommodate for, and I really hate scheduling the time limits for each event. Let me give you a little 4-1-1 on what I have planned so far....
Kids arrive at 5pm, dinner is served by 5:15pm (which consists of a HUGE sandwich that will look like a 3-tier cake, chips and drinks), a mini makeover event will start to commence by 6pm (thus offering 1 hour of primping and pampering with makeup, hair accessories and nail polish), then round up the troops and head to the local roller rink for some skating for 2 hours, and head back home to a cupcake decorating event, popcorn and a movie from Netflix. Hopefully, I can pull all of this off before 10pm because I know that at least 1 kid will have to be driven home because her parents do not let their kids sleep over at anyone's house. Chances are, by 10pm, they should be worn out enough to consider sleeping because DH will be spent. Come the following morning, I am offering breakfast and then they are all to go to their respective homes. After that, I get to muster up the energy to deal with a sleep deprived daughter, a slightly cranky husband (because I know that there will not be much sleeping going on), to get the grocery shopping done for the week and maybe... just maybe after that... I can crash on the couch because I will be spent by then. I know that we will be missing church, but it is a price we are paying to have a sleepover and try to rest up for yet another week of work/school.
After thinking so much about what they are going to be doing, I forgot to figure out how to decorate for this event. My goodness! Being a preteen is no picnic because there is really no "theme" to this party. YIKES! I need to get some inspiration really quick if this party is worthy of DD's approval..... No wonder I have difficulties making parties.....
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