Everyone has a friend or family member that offers advise all the time, and I mean all...the...time... I can only gather that these people are constantly on "fix it" mode whenever they hear someone speak. It makes me wonder if they really ever followed their own advise.
Just recently... well, not all that recently... I have noticed that I tend to vent a lot more than I used to. Back in the day, I used to call these venting moments the "Negative Nancy Phase". I was not actually looking for a solution to the problem(s) from the people I vented to, I just needed to let loose a little steam so I can figure what words I would like to use to get the situation to change or figure a way to accept/embrace the annoyance. I see that people are capable of doing things... hurtful things... and not even know that they did that. It is all in the perception of what is brought to your attention. Some people manage to act without thinking and I see that as a recipe for disaster. Albeit, it is a great concept to have an idea that you think is great, but fall really short at looking at all the different variations of end result. I have one example regarding this....
Our current President had the glorious idea to make health insurance available to everyone, regardless of preexisting conditions. The concept is nice, but it was not all that well thought out as he pushed for his health care reform bill into action. Private insurance companies were told that they were to offer coverage to people that are more a liability than an asset. You see, any business dreams of having a company that makes money and never has to pay out. Insurance companies are the one company that blatantly show that trait. The only time a person is considered an asset in the insurance world is if they never make a claim and continue to pay their premiums on time. Now, think about this... because our government did not think this through... Insurance companies are required to offer coverage to every person, but it was not stated that the cost to have insurance would be a reasonable one. Insurance companies are allowed to raise premiums to unbelievable new highs and coverage to an ever sinking low because they are required to cover everyone. Our president figured that we needed insurance, which we do, but did not cap the premiums that the insurance companies are charging the people of whom they are required to cover. Coverage is coverage, right? Who cares that you would need a down comforter in the winter if all you are given is a thin sheet. You have something to cover you and that is required by law. Not at the level that you need or should get, but there it is.
I guess that is where I wonder where these "advise givers" get their advice skills. Have they actually followed their own advice and had it end favorably? There are way too many variances in place when advice is given. First and foremost is the situation that you are in. Is demanding more when there is no more to offer a good idea? Secondly, is the person(s) you are having the issue with accepting of criticism and willing to change? Perceptions of what is considered an issue does look different from one person to the next. And thirdly, if you get a demand met, is it going to be all that you asked for or is it some kind-of Rumpelstiltskin-esque twist that you did not ask for. Anyone can say that they are going to do as asked, but not necessarily in the manner of which you thought it should be done. Also, what if your demands cause a rift in the continuity or fluidity for what was considered working just fine? I have one example of that...
Giving DH the checkbook to handle the bills did relinquish me from the responsibility, but it totally cut me off from making any executive decisions. Believe me, I was at my wits end in arguing over finances for years with him. I figured that if he got a taste of his nonchalant outlook on getting paid whenever and the bills that demanded their attention, he would see things my way. Apparently, it did the complete opposite. The way that DH is handling the bills actually makes me grind my teeth and bite my nails.
Now, I have yet another problem and fear that any advise would fare less than expected. I have hit my breaking point when it comes to my domestic duties. I live with two people that act no less than privileged. I know that I have enabled their behavior. Last night, while cooking dinner, I stepped away for a few minutes to take care of something else. DH was asleep on the couch, DD was tuning out the world in her room with her mp3 player and the computer. In that whole two minutes I was away from the kitchen, DH wakes up and yells at me that dinner is going to burn. Now, any other person would turn the stove off if they believed that dinner was about to burn. Apparently, that is not the case in my house. I get told how to do things, but never get actual help by doing it themselves. DD is aware that her sleepover is not going to happen if her room is a pigsty, but knows that mom will break down and clean it for her. DH announces that he is running out of clean socks, but refuses to pick up the pile of dirty ones and put it in the laundry room for me to wash them or even wash them himself. I remember when I was really sick and unable to cook or clean since I was in dire need of rest. Getting the questions thrown at me about "when is dinner and what are we having" could easily be avoided if they offer to do something instead of nag. I snapped that day and really put DH out of his comfort zone to go to the store and get a frozen pizza to cook, cook it and eat it for dinner. Really? Do I need to be a total B.I.T.C.H every time they need to do something for themselves in this house? Now, if I take the advice that was given to me to make them fend for themselves, I will most likely be dealing with a starving, filthy clothes wearing and miserable pair of people that refuse to take responsibility by the horns and will... and I mean will... burn, bleach, ruin and destroy the house to convince me that I can never leave nor ever stop all the hard work I put in every day because they are more stubborn than me. Maybe I should turn the tables and ask for advise from the ones that create the need I have for seeking advice and see if they would take it and run with it when I offer it back at them. HA! I think I solved my problems... Well, maybe it would cause more. I guess it never hurts to try, right?
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