Every day, we learn something. Usually not something life affirming or even life altering, but we manage to learn something every day. While most lessons learned are done the hard way... there are some that you learn without much difficulty.
Now, with things that we happen to learn..... it is not a lonely journey to enlightenment. The reason is because there will always be someone else that has happened to experience the exact same thing and forewarns others of the consequences or end result. Of course, it is to one of the many potential outcomes and not the most positive of outcomes there is. If you are not being the one enlightened by someone else.... you get the rare opportunity to become the one that enlighten others, so trust me..... there is always a learning experience on the horizon.
I happen to have two stories of enlightenment I would like to share.
Story #1: The guilt/greed factor.
Recent events resulted in DD's final year of religious education classes (REC) being paid for via "scholarship" from our church because I mentioned the paying for this final year would pose a hardship to our financial situation as well as my sanity because DH controls the checkbook and will find a way to make my life difficult because of the additional expense being paid. While we could afford to take care of the final year's tuition, it would result in a stressful environment for DD and myself. I offered to pay the bill in installments, if they were willing to take payments over the course of the year. Upon the insistence of the Religious Education Director, I accepted the assistance with a heavy heart and then forwarded this information to DH about DD's final year of REC being paid for by the church. All I got was a "thumbs up" and nothing more. Apparently, I am the one that needs to feel bad about this for both of us because I saw this as taking advantage of something that should go to a more deserving family to assist in their child's religious educational journey. This actually kind of felt like taking food out of a poor person's mouth while you have money in your pocket to actually buy your own food. It is wrong on so many levels, but DH seems to like the feeling of taking from others to benefit himself. I, on the other hand, do not. I am just waiting for DH to feel guilty about taking when we can afford to pay and actually offer to do the right thing.
Story #2: What is cheapest is not always the best.
DH has told me many times that his business is his business and I have no right to even offer a suggestion or opinion about his business (even if he asks for it). Well, apparently when it comes to expenses (like healthcare costs), I have absolutely NO SAY in health insurance carrier choices. While I fully understand the importance of having affordable health insurance since his business pays for the health insurance of all its employees (an obvious dinosaur in practices since most businesses have employees pay a small percentage to obtain the coverage and not place the whole burden on the business and the business owners), I happen to have an issue with the decision to what health insurance carrier is made. For years, we had less than stellar coverage with one company and finally made the right choice and switched to a far better company. After roughly 4 years with zero issues, DH and his business partner felt it was time to make a change in order to save a few bucks. I was asked to research with all of the doctors we happen to deal with to see if they accept insurance from these other carriers if there was a change. Yep, I get the legwork to have my opinions become silent. I managed to learn that while one of the two insurance carriers is the one we had years ago is sub-par, the other insurance company made that sub-par one look far better than what it really was. Yep, one of the options is basically owning a hunk of plastic to say we have insurance, but will cover nothing and still leave the burden upon the card holder. According to reputation (and I got this from each doctor's office), these two carriers do not pay claims in a timely manner, nor do they cover much. One is far worse than the other and these doctors will only take the PPO version from these companies and even they state it is a hardship to even accept that. I begged and pleaded with DH to forward this information to his business partner when it came down to deciding if a switch is truly necessary. Obviously, it fell on deaf ears and now we lost our really good insurance over the worst coverage possible because it was cheaper to obtain. Really, at who's expense is this saving any money? Yet again, I managed to learn something and shared the worst case scenario with another and was not taken seriously. NOW, I have to wait again to see if the lesson gets learned that cheaper is not always better.
Sorry to share this additional part, but I feel that there is going to be a third story that ties in with the previous one..... Is cheaper better and what price is worth your health. After getting our new hunk of plastic that states on the back of the card.... "This card does not guarantee coverage.", I felt curious about how this new health insurance company is going to pan out. I think I actually threw up a little with what I learned. Did you know that location dictates cost? Well, not always, but also experience. With this website to help their members control medical costs, you can research various doctors, their services, the cost per service, the coverage you will get with your new hunk o' plastic and how much you, that hunk o'plastic card holder gets to shell out. It felt like I was outlet shopping for a new pair of shoes. You may get the same service (kind-of), but you will get to save a few bucks for a knockoff version of the same thing. Just place your life in the hands of a person that knows nothing about you with no guarantees that they have enough experience to have more successful results and save a few bucks. Why go to the best when average (or below average) will cost you less because your insurance now pays less for services rendered. To me, it seems like getting eye surgery from the dollar store. Sure, the cost is appealing in this day and age, but would you really risk it? Oh, this just does not apply to surgeries, physical therapy, or specialists..... you get to compare prices for your prescriptions. Did you know that there are at least a half dozen generic brands of the same thing, but in all honesty, it is not the exact same thing? It is kind of like selecting a shade of blue at the paint store. They are all blue in color.... just slightly different, but hey! They are all blue so they are all the same, right? Oh, you need 100mg's of that? Well, I can save you a few bucks if you buy the double dosage and let you cut the pills in half. Not sure you can cut them evenly? No worries, just take the bigger half today and the smaller half tomorrow.... it all evens out in the end, right? Yet again, another risk taken to health because now we have options to save on our prescriptions like never before! It is not like we get to pay the same for the pills we have been taking over the past year with this new insurance. Yep, our new prescription coverage is even less. Shall we mail order it? Do we go to this pharmacy or that one? So what if the wording is different... it is the same thing, right?... "Metroprolol Succinate or Metroprolol Tartinate... same stuff with a different spelling, right? I am not a pharmacist nor a chemist, but why not give it a go, right? What risk is in trying this out? Death? HA! We are all gonna die someday, so it must be totally worth it to switch a tried and true to something I don't know because I want to be buried with my savings on this adventure!!" Who cares if it is from an unknown manufacturer... they state it is the same thing so it is the same thing, right? Who needs to go to the best doctor when this other doctor with a lower success rate is charging less... it is the same procedure, right? Really, it is only my life I am playing with and letting money be the deciding factor. Heck with DH being as cheap as he is..... I just might get to collect on the life insurance just a little sooner because I know he will take the unnecessary risks to save a few bucks.
~~This one, my friends, is the one that scares me the most...~~
Really, I know that people need to learn, but why learn it the hard way if someone else is trying to teach you to open your eyes to learn it in an easier manner. Right now, I feel that my lesson being learned is how to be patient in letting DH to learn it the hard way because me teaching him the easy way is not all that effective. I gave him my opinion about these things and how they are wrong, but I still end up being the one that takes the brunt of the pressure and figure solutions to the problems that lie ahead. How can I teach myself to let DH learn the hard way and not feel guilt, remorse, or pity for his inability to listen and learn as well as make him find a solution once in a while.
I think I want to throw up now. Just this newest pile of knowledge is making me sick and I know better than to see the doctor about this. We just cannot afford it. We used to... now we can't.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
Nothing good to read here... just a mental flushing ;)
Good morning! Just some random incomplete thoughts happening here.....
Question: Does a nerve eventually die if it is pinched long enough?
Just curious since my numb thumb issue from a pinched nerve is still going on and I have had that nerve pinched for nearly a month, now. It is either I am getting used to that tingly, fallen asleep feeling or I just really do not care anymore and happen to be willing to wait for it to finally stop on it's own, but it does make me wonder when the day comes and it is no longer feeling that tingly-numb feeling if I will actually have what is considered normal touch sensation ever again.
Current feeling: My shut up filter is on the fritz! I almost told off DH last week about his attitude. I probably should, but I really hate opening that can of worms because it would definitely make me appear like that "elephant never forgets" type of woman that uses past faults as examples and a reason to be bitchy. What is in the past should remain in the past.... you know.... water under the bridge and stuff like that? Heck, I blog to just let the toxic crap go and move on, right?
Descriptive issue in my job: A client (well, lets just say potential client) asked me how the current trend of The Ombre' look came about. Now, if I was a smart woman, I would have just left it as saying it is a dimensional color trend, but nooooooo..... I had to tell this person what I really thought and it was not all that trendy, to say the least. I basically said that it was becoming popular because the economy stinks and the look originated from a high maintenance woman being cut off from her hair salon allowance. Yep, you heard it here.... I called a trend look a result of not maintaining a color service. NOW there is Ombre' in a box for those that don't want a professional to create the look. I can't wait to see how many people will have to get a color correction from that disaster-in-a-box! Heck, I am still trying to grasp the concept that pastel colors are not all that new, but just a revisit to the "old lady colors" from back in the day. Really.... has nobody figured out that term "blue haired old lady" came from? Blue, pink and lavender were all the rage for senior citizens and now are the trend for younger generations. Talk about a generation shock!!
The DD/DH dilemma: Learned that I can no longer reason with my child about anything!! She wants to become a vegetarian and I really have no issues with it.... as long as she does the buying and preparing of her own food. Being a short-order cook is not in my blood and I am just not motivated to spend more time in the kitchen than necessary. I just can't get DH to change his ways even slightly to improve his health and now I have a child that wants to flip to a side we cannot afford. She has been an impressionable child, but her concerns, albeit reasonable, are irrational for arguments sake. While she has tried to be a vegetarian with what we have in food choices we purchase every week, I happen to see a lazy bag of bones and it concerns me. She does not take vitamins and she lacks getting protein. A total raging red flag in my eyes. I am still at least trying to get her to at least consume some meat here. I have at least won the one battle with DH to eat more lean meats and less processed and red meats. The only "vegetarian" meal he will eat is spaghetti with marinara sauce. I cannot get the veggie crumbles like I used to that made it look like we had ground beef in the sauce because he is the hawk that looks at everything we buy at the grocery store and is very vocal about anything considered different in his eyes. I think it is time I get help in the great meat debate, but who can I turn to that can think two steps ahead of DD and reach her in a reasonable manner? I think my big brother is going to be getting a call real soon! That smart-arse is my last hope!
More of the DD/DH dilemma: I live in a zoo or the paraplegic ward! Nobody.... and I mean nobody is trying to be helpful around here! Garbage stays on tables or wherever it lands, clothes no longer go where they belong, food gets left out, the shoe obstacle course is set, and oh.... just to top it all off..... the ability to make ice cubes is apparently too advanced in the home economics department. Yep, I am dealing with a pair of the laziest people alive to date! I tried to see if DH would step up a little and wash a dish or make some ice... maybe even see DD put the salad dressing, butter, or peanut butter away. Apparently, they are completely blind when it comes to filth! Dishes are not making it to the sink, the garbage can is overflowing (that is, the garbage that they do manage to get in there), seeds/nuts landing on the floor, food is left out to rot, and DH is unable to rinse out the coffee pot he used. Nobody drinks coffee here but him, so it is not my mess to deal with, but apparently it is my responsibility to clean it. The coffee spills on the counter cannot even be wiped up! What is that all about????? My protest mode when it comes to cleaning has hit its limit and I have more added on. I think I am losing my mind!!!
Why bite the head off the messenger?: My neighbor called yesterday with a deal for an automatic shut off valve to the sewer line (a vital thing in my neighborhood). While we have a manual shut off valve at our home, it is up to the diligence of DH or myself (more me than him) to go out in the rain and shut the valve to avoid flooding every time it rains. With his lazy tendencies, I have braved the serious storms brewing outside to close the valve in order to avoid flooding. Been doing this for years. DH bought this nightmare... not me. Well, I was told to mention to DH this deal that is getting just about everyone on my block to get an automatic shut off valve. I know he wants one and this deal is basically too good to pass up, but I got my head bit off because there is no money to get one. Who cares that we got a refund from our taxes and it is just sitting there in our account? DH knows it is there, but never entered the deposit of our tax refund. It is enough to get one of these "piece of mind" devises, but he is acting like we never got the refund. Heck, I know it is his way of trying to get ahead financially, but this is an actual necessity and not a luxury. Well, it is a luxury to me if I do not have to go outside to shut the darn valve. Maybe that is why he refuses to get one. He can get this done, but refuses to even try! Really, when did $1750.00 become impossible to obtain? I see people getting a small loan to get this and he just flat out refuses to even look at the idea! I know we have enough from our tax refund to pay for this, but he is acting like the bottom is going to fall out any day. I wonder.... is his being adamant a way to punish me even more? Heck, what did I do to deserve this? I may love him, but I am not liking him very much these days. Maybe I should stop being the one to close that darn valve in the storms and let him do the cleanup. Chances are.... he would just let our house rot from the inside out just to spite me. Definitely feeling like I am serving a karma-kick-in-the-backside prison sentence for something I did not do.
The being nice smack down: I am a nice person. I know that I will go out of my way for my friends, my family and even my job. I just never realized, that is until recently, that my being nice is turning me into a welcome mat. My family refuses to show appreciation for what I do, and my co-workers have managed to hand me jewelry to fix, but not one measly card for my birthday (well, DD made a card for me and DH went with the tried and true thoughtless gift of candy). Heck! Only one co-worker wished me a happy birthday on Facebook and the customary birthday cake for employee's birthdays have passed me up for 5 years running, but yet again, Nancy goes out of her way when the need arises. I really do not want to be the bitch at work, but I feel it is about time that I become one and start demanding my fair share! Instead of some kind of happy birthday at work, I get a potential overflow client dangled in front of me to be taken away and a zip-lock bag with broken cheap-arsed jewelry to fix "in my spare time". Oh., and to pick up the slack when the shop princess cannot clean up after herself. Yep, I had a dismal day at work in more ways than one. I thought I was losing clients, but to later find out that people forget that I could come in on my days off for my clients and give them to others at the salon. Never really asking if I can come in unless it is yet another pedicure that I have stated I can no longer do because of back issues. I guess I speak in a foreign language because when I say "NO", they never hear me, but when I say "I CAN", they believe I can't. Really, what is that all about?
Beyond the usual frustrations, I guess I am doing as well as I can. Getting stepped on, forgotten about and verbally chewed out is getting quite tolerable nowadays. I do believe that what is being tossed my way is supposed to make me stronger, but when will fate change its path and give me a break.... I have no clue. Maybe all this toxic crap is supposed to destroy me, but I am too stubborn to let it happen. God knows I have been trying to change the course set before me, but all I do is fail. Maybe it is time to let the chips fall where they may and totally gut me into a shell of a human being. Sure has been feeling like I am getting more and more hollow. I can only assume I deserved this, but I really hoped it would be different.
Oh well....... (((((FLUSH)))).... Moving forward from here. Thanks for tolerating my flush of thoughts. It was not a floss.... just a drop and flush. Have a good day!
Question: Does a nerve eventually die if it is pinched long enough?
Just curious since my numb thumb issue from a pinched nerve is still going on and I have had that nerve pinched for nearly a month, now. It is either I am getting used to that tingly, fallen asleep feeling or I just really do not care anymore and happen to be willing to wait for it to finally stop on it's own, but it does make me wonder when the day comes and it is no longer feeling that tingly-numb feeling if I will actually have what is considered normal touch sensation ever again.
Current feeling: My shut up filter is on the fritz! I almost told off DH last week about his attitude. I probably should, but I really hate opening that can of worms because it would definitely make me appear like that "elephant never forgets" type of woman that uses past faults as examples and a reason to be bitchy. What is in the past should remain in the past.... you know.... water under the bridge and stuff like that? Heck, I blog to just let the toxic crap go and move on, right?
Descriptive issue in my job: A client (well, lets just say potential client) asked me how the current trend of The Ombre' look came about. Now, if I was a smart woman, I would have just left it as saying it is a dimensional color trend, but nooooooo..... I had to tell this person what I really thought and it was not all that trendy, to say the least. I basically said that it was becoming popular because the economy stinks and the look originated from a high maintenance woman being cut off from her hair salon allowance. Yep, you heard it here.... I called a trend look a result of not maintaining a color service. NOW there is Ombre' in a box for those that don't want a professional to create the look. I can't wait to see how many people will have to get a color correction from that disaster-in-a-box! Heck, I am still trying to grasp the concept that pastel colors are not all that new, but just a revisit to the "old lady colors" from back in the day. Really.... has nobody figured out that term "blue haired old lady" came from? Blue, pink and lavender were all the rage for senior citizens and now are the trend for younger generations. Talk about a generation shock!!
The DD/DH dilemma: Learned that I can no longer reason with my child about anything!! She wants to become a vegetarian and I really have no issues with it.... as long as she does the buying and preparing of her own food. Being a short-order cook is not in my blood and I am just not motivated to spend more time in the kitchen than necessary. I just can't get DH to change his ways even slightly to improve his health and now I have a child that wants to flip to a side we cannot afford. She has been an impressionable child, but her concerns, albeit reasonable, are irrational for arguments sake. While she has tried to be a vegetarian with what we have in food choices we purchase every week, I happen to see a lazy bag of bones and it concerns me. She does not take vitamins and she lacks getting protein. A total raging red flag in my eyes. I am still at least trying to get her to at least consume some meat here. I have at least won the one battle with DH to eat more lean meats and less processed and red meats. The only "vegetarian" meal he will eat is spaghetti with marinara sauce. I cannot get the veggie crumbles like I used to that made it look like we had ground beef in the sauce because he is the hawk that looks at everything we buy at the grocery store and is very vocal about anything considered different in his eyes. I think it is time I get help in the great meat debate, but who can I turn to that can think two steps ahead of DD and reach her in a reasonable manner? I think my big brother is going to be getting a call real soon! That smart-arse is my last hope!
More of the DD/DH dilemma: I live in a zoo or the paraplegic ward! Nobody.... and I mean nobody is trying to be helpful around here! Garbage stays on tables or wherever it lands, clothes no longer go where they belong, food gets left out, the shoe obstacle course is set, and oh.... just to top it all off..... the ability to make ice cubes is apparently too advanced in the home economics department. Yep, I am dealing with a pair of the laziest people alive to date! I tried to see if DH would step up a little and wash a dish or make some ice... maybe even see DD put the salad dressing, butter, or peanut butter away. Apparently, they are completely blind when it comes to filth! Dishes are not making it to the sink, the garbage can is overflowing (that is, the garbage that they do manage to get in there), seeds/nuts landing on the floor, food is left out to rot, and DH is unable to rinse out the coffee pot he used. Nobody drinks coffee here but him, so it is not my mess to deal with, but apparently it is my responsibility to clean it. The coffee spills on the counter cannot even be wiped up! What is that all about????? My protest mode when it comes to cleaning has hit its limit and I have more added on. I think I am losing my mind!!!
Why bite the head off the messenger?: My neighbor called yesterday with a deal for an automatic shut off valve to the sewer line (a vital thing in my neighborhood). While we have a manual shut off valve at our home, it is up to the diligence of DH or myself (more me than him) to go out in the rain and shut the valve to avoid flooding every time it rains. With his lazy tendencies, I have braved the serious storms brewing outside to close the valve in order to avoid flooding. Been doing this for years. DH bought this nightmare... not me. Well, I was told to mention to DH this deal that is getting just about everyone on my block to get an automatic shut off valve. I know he wants one and this deal is basically too good to pass up, but I got my head bit off because there is no money to get one. Who cares that we got a refund from our taxes and it is just sitting there in our account? DH knows it is there, but never entered the deposit of our tax refund. It is enough to get one of these "piece of mind" devises, but he is acting like we never got the refund. Heck, I know it is his way of trying to get ahead financially, but this is an actual necessity and not a luxury. Well, it is a luxury to me if I do not have to go outside to shut the darn valve. Maybe that is why he refuses to get one. He can get this done, but refuses to even try! Really, when did $1750.00 become impossible to obtain? I see people getting a small loan to get this and he just flat out refuses to even look at the idea! I know we have enough from our tax refund to pay for this, but he is acting like the bottom is going to fall out any day. I wonder.... is his being adamant a way to punish me even more? Heck, what did I do to deserve this? I may love him, but I am not liking him very much these days. Maybe I should stop being the one to close that darn valve in the storms and let him do the cleanup. Chances are.... he would just let our house rot from the inside out just to spite me. Definitely feeling like I am serving a karma-kick-in-the-backside prison sentence for something I did not do.
The being nice smack down: I am a nice person. I know that I will go out of my way for my friends, my family and even my job. I just never realized, that is until recently, that my being nice is turning me into a welcome mat. My family refuses to show appreciation for what I do, and my co-workers have managed to hand me jewelry to fix, but not one measly card for my birthday (well, DD made a card for me and DH went with the tried and true thoughtless gift of candy). Heck! Only one co-worker wished me a happy birthday on Facebook and the customary birthday cake for employee's birthdays have passed me up for 5 years running, but yet again, Nancy goes out of her way when the need arises. I really do not want to be the bitch at work, but I feel it is about time that I become one and start demanding my fair share! Instead of some kind of happy birthday at work, I get a potential overflow client dangled in front of me to be taken away and a zip-lock bag with broken cheap-arsed jewelry to fix "in my spare time". Oh., and to pick up the slack when the shop princess cannot clean up after herself. Yep, I had a dismal day at work in more ways than one. I thought I was losing clients, but to later find out that people forget that I could come in on my days off for my clients and give them to others at the salon. Never really asking if I can come in unless it is yet another pedicure that I have stated I can no longer do because of back issues. I guess I speak in a foreign language because when I say "NO", they never hear me, but when I say "I CAN", they believe I can't. Really, what is that all about?
Beyond the usual frustrations, I guess I am doing as well as I can. Getting stepped on, forgotten about and verbally chewed out is getting quite tolerable nowadays. I do believe that what is being tossed my way is supposed to make me stronger, but when will fate change its path and give me a break.... I have no clue. Maybe all this toxic crap is supposed to destroy me, but I am too stubborn to let it happen. God knows I have been trying to change the course set before me, but all I do is fail. Maybe it is time to let the chips fall where they may and totally gut me into a shell of a human being. Sure has been feeling like I am getting more and more hollow. I can only assume I deserved this, but I really hoped it would be different.
Oh well....... (((((FLUSH)))).... Moving forward from here. Thanks for tolerating my flush of thoughts. It was not a floss.... just a drop and flush. Have a good day!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Why?
Okay, I know that this blog had a one-word title, but I am honestly baffled on this topic....
Why can a person take a joke seriously, but take something serious as a joke? Or better yet... HOW can a person be capable of switching a sentiment of joking to serious and serious to joking? It just does not make sense to me!!!
The reason for sharing this baffling thought is brought to all of you from a recent situation that affects two out of three people in my house....
Just this past weekend, DH's parents came by for a visit. Of course, it is on the one day of the weekend that I am away from home and at work. I have come to the conclusion that they just have no interest in my existence and avoiding me is one of their rare talents. I really do not mind all that much because when I do see them at holiday family gatherings... they just ignore me and that is a second form of avoidance when you are put face to face with a person that they don't want to deal with. I never did anything to warrant this... I am a really nice person... I am fun to be around (or so I have been told).... Heck, I am more helpful than their own children and I am willing to help without being asked to do so. Never really made that much sense to me other than the thought that they believe I am less than worthy because I am not related by blood and only a part of their family through marriage. Pretty lousy excuse, but it definitely points to that conclusion.
Well, on their visit while I am not home.... They decided to give DH a little "gift" for mowing their lawn, putting in a second guard rail for the basement steps and for fixing their car upon demand. Yep, DH is a hard-working and giving soul, but not at his own home. That, my friends, is why I do so much around here. Of course, DH's parents are fully aware of DH's cholesterol issues and his heart issues, but still feel that it is okay to give him roughly 4 pounds of various sausages from a butcher place that they like. Totally fat laden and a screaming example of how cholesterol goes even more higher. They know that I do everything in my power to avoid all that processed stuff and the only sausage we consume here is the low-fat chicken or turkey variety (in small and random amounts). That is how I have managed to get his cholesterol down after his fishing trip. How do I know that my efforts were successful? DH had his semi-annual blood panel done after his annual fishing trip to show that his poor eating choices for 5 days spiked his cholesterol over 50 points, and had to have his test redone two weeks later after I fed him the better options and see that number drop the same 50 points. While his cholesterol is still considered on the high end... it is quite possibly manageable through diet and exercise if I was given a full chance to change his eating habits. With him being a picky eater that prefers to eat foods that can potentially be dangerous to his cholesterol issues and have zero control over controlling what a portion size with these foods... I have a serious uphill battle ahead of me.
With that being mentioned..... DD and I have been quite diligent in watching out for DH's health. I am the watchdog that chooses heart-healthier options to his favorite foods as well as the meals he is willing to at least eat. DD is the vocal opinion that rings in his ears about portion control and to eat his vegetables. Recently, DD voiced her opinion about the recent gift of sausage that he got from his parents and all he did was laugh it off and egg her on to a more frazzled state. Not once taking her concerns seriously. I even pointed out that her nagging at him about his health is because she cares and wants him to have a long and healthy life. All he did was give me a blank stare and said nothing about acknowledging about it. Heck, he did not even thank her for her concerns. He just said that he will eat that sausage and be happy about it... to heck with the dangers to his health.
Then, a couple of days later.... I teased DH about something that was so insignificant that it was painfully obvious that I was joking around, but he took me so seriously that he got defensive. I actually had to apologize for my little ribbing over really nothing just to end the argument that was brewing. I mean.... just joking about his inability to put his dirty socks in the hamper warranted hurt feelings, but seriously talking about his health had him brushing it off like water off a duck's back. Really, does that make sense?
I really want to ask him if he was dropped on his head as a child because his priorities are definitely out of whack. His reactions are something out of a parallel universe and has both DD and I either scratching our heads in confusion or frustrated to the point of punching a wall. Now, if his opposite reaction is a way of a coping mechanism... I would have to strongly suggest that he takes a long, hard look at how that is not really all that effective, but how does a person discuss this subject without getting yet again another round of insanely angry DH to deal with? What I suggest usually goes in one ear and out the other. He usually takes suggestion better from his friends and his parents, but how do I tell his parents that giving him sausages is a poor choice in a gift of thanks? They are fully aware of the heart and cholesterol issues DH has... In fact, there is a whole family history of it that they are aware of and never shared with their children until it was too late. More than half his siblings have either heart or cholesterol issues... or both. DH's brother has a carbon copy of issues to him and his brother has landed himself in the hospital more than DH has just because he likes to eat the same garbage that DH likes and has nobody to keep a vigilant eye and determined act to try to eat healthier. Since DH rarely ever cooks, it is up to me to make the right choices for him. Gee, even his parents have issues with heart or cholesterol and still think it is okay to take a dunk in dangerous waters from time to time. Do these people truly have a death wish? I know we are all going to die someday, but why rush the process with poor choices. That laugh off the serious stuff and take jokes seriously is definitely a wrong path to take.
I don't know... it could be a lack of interest beyond the usual with DH. Yesterday was my birthday and he did his usual "go-to" gift of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a card. I honestly have not had a peanut butter cup in over a year (I like the Reese's Sticks better), but he apparently never noticed. I would have been happy with just the card since I am on a diet, but I guess he never noticed my increase in eating vegetables and using my kitchen scale to weigh out a portion of foods. Am I really that invisible? Am I really that much of a burden that everything that comes out of my mouth that resembles a joke needs to be taken seriously and warrants an argument? Does every time I point out a fact that makes me right in an argument require the silent treatment and no apology or acknowledgement that I am right? Does every suggestion I have need to be labeled as the most stupid idea ever created, but have a friend suggest the same thing and it becomes the greatest idea since sliced bread or the invention of the wheel? Really, what did I do to deserve this? I apologize when I am wrong, I'll admit to be being wrong when I am shown that I am. I am open-minded and look at other points of view before making a decision. I pay attention to details... or I at least try to. I am a reasonable person. I am quite giving and willing to forgive easily. I just have no clue what got me to earn this polar opposite treatment all the time. Laughing it off or freezing me out sounds pretty polar to me.
All I know is that while I scratch my head in wonder, I have to accept this quirk as this is how things are. Definitely no sign of change on the horizon. I can predict how this conversation would go with DH and I if I questioned the parallel universe of reactions coming from him.... I will get denial at first and then the silent treatment for three days. After that expires... things just go back to the way that they have been and no resolution found. If I push for a solution or answers... the topic changes and it is pick out Nancy's flaws until he feels better, then the silent treatment will go for another three days until I can look at him without wanting to cry or punch him in the face and then things return back with yet again no resolution, solution, or understanding. There is only one thing I can do is point it out in a way at how it is affecting DD and I and let it drop. Leaving it up to him to figure it out and do something about it. Odds are... he won't, but at least I speak my peace and move forward. I guess it has to be this way, but if I ever got the opportunity to talk to DH's doctors... I would not hold anything back. Someone needs to hold him and them accountable because I am not taking the blame for this one if things get worse around here.
Why can a person take a joke seriously, but take something serious as a joke? Or better yet... HOW can a person be capable of switching a sentiment of joking to serious and serious to joking? It just does not make sense to me!!!
The reason for sharing this baffling thought is brought to all of you from a recent situation that affects two out of three people in my house....
Just this past weekend, DH's parents came by for a visit. Of course, it is on the one day of the weekend that I am away from home and at work. I have come to the conclusion that they just have no interest in my existence and avoiding me is one of their rare talents. I really do not mind all that much because when I do see them at holiday family gatherings... they just ignore me and that is a second form of avoidance when you are put face to face with a person that they don't want to deal with. I never did anything to warrant this... I am a really nice person... I am fun to be around (or so I have been told).... Heck, I am more helpful than their own children and I am willing to help without being asked to do so. Never really made that much sense to me other than the thought that they believe I am less than worthy because I am not related by blood and only a part of their family through marriage. Pretty lousy excuse, but it definitely points to that conclusion.
Well, on their visit while I am not home.... They decided to give DH a little "gift" for mowing their lawn, putting in a second guard rail for the basement steps and for fixing their car upon demand. Yep, DH is a hard-working and giving soul, but not at his own home. That, my friends, is why I do so much around here. Of course, DH's parents are fully aware of DH's cholesterol issues and his heart issues, but still feel that it is okay to give him roughly 4 pounds of various sausages from a butcher place that they like. Totally fat laden and a screaming example of how cholesterol goes even more higher. They know that I do everything in my power to avoid all that processed stuff and the only sausage we consume here is the low-fat chicken or turkey variety (in small and random amounts). That is how I have managed to get his cholesterol down after his fishing trip. How do I know that my efforts were successful? DH had his semi-annual blood panel done after his annual fishing trip to show that his poor eating choices for 5 days spiked his cholesterol over 50 points, and had to have his test redone two weeks later after I fed him the better options and see that number drop the same 50 points. While his cholesterol is still considered on the high end... it is quite possibly manageable through diet and exercise if I was given a full chance to change his eating habits. With him being a picky eater that prefers to eat foods that can potentially be dangerous to his cholesterol issues and have zero control over controlling what a portion size with these foods... I have a serious uphill battle ahead of me.
With that being mentioned..... DD and I have been quite diligent in watching out for DH's health. I am the watchdog that chooses heart-healthier options to his favorite foods as well as the meals he is willing to at least eat. DD is the vocal opinion that rings in his ears about portion control and to eat his vegetables. Recently, DD voiced her opinion about the recent gift of sausage that he got from his parents and all he did was laugh it off and egg her on to a more frazzled state. Not once taking her concerns seriously. I even pointed out that her nagging at him about his health is because she cares and wants him to have a long and healthy life. All he did was give me a blank stare and said nothing about acknowledging about it. Heck, he did not even thank her for her concerns. He just said that he will eat that sausage and be happy about it... to heck with the dangers to his health.
Then, a couple of days later.... I teased DH about something that was so insignificant that it was painfully obvious that I was joking around, but he took me so seriously that he got defensive. I actually had to apologize for my little ribbing over really nothing just to end the argument that was brewing. I mean.... just joking about his inability to put his dirty socks in the hamper warranted hurt feelings, but seriously talking about his health had him brushing it off like water off a duck's back. Really, does that make sense?
I really want to ask him if he was dropped on his head as a child because his priorities are definitely out of whack. His reactions are something out of a parallel universe and has both DD and I either scratching our heads in confusion or frustrated to the point of punching a wall. Now, if his opposite reaction is a way of a coping mechanism... I would have to strongly suggest that he takes a long, hard look at how that is not really all that effective, but how does a person discuss this subject without getting yet again another round of insanely angry DH to deal with? What I suggest usually goes in one ear and out the other. He usually takes suggestion better from his friends and his parents, but how do I tell his parents that giving him sausages is a poor choice in a gift of thanks? They are fully aware of the heart and cholesterol issues DH has... In fact, there is a whole family history of it that they are aware of and never shared with their children until it was too late. More than half his siblings have either heart or cholesterol issues... or both. DH's brother has a carbon copy of issues to him and his brother has landed himself in the hospital more than DH has just because he likes to eat the same garbage that DH likes and has nobody to keep a vigilant eye and determined act to try to eat healthier. Since DH rarely ever cooks, it is up to me to make the right choices for him. Gee, even his parents have issues with heart or cholesterol and still think it is okay to take a dunk in dangerous waters from time to time. Do these people truly have a death wish? I know we are all going to die someday, but why rush the process with poor choices. That laugh off the serious stuff and take jokes seriously is definitely a wrong path to take.
I don't know... it could be a lack of interest beyond the usual with DH. Yesterday was my birthday and he did his usual "go-to" gift of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a card. I honestly have not had a peanut butter cup in over a year (I like the Reese's Sticks better), but he apparently never noticed. I would have been happy with just the card since I am on a diet, but I guess he never noticed my increase in eating vegetables and using my kitchen scale to weigh out a portion of foods. Am I really that invisible? Am I really that much of a burden that everything that comes out of my mouth that resembles a joke needs to be taken seriously and warrants an argument? Does every time I point out a fact that makes me right in an argument require the silent treatment and no apology or acknowledgement that I am right? Does every suggestion I have need to be labeled as the most stupid idea ever created, but have a friend suggest the same thing and it becomes the greatest idea since sliced bread or the invention of the wheel? Really, what did I do to deserve this? I apologize when I am wrong, I'll admit to be being wrong when I am shown that I am. I am open-minded and look at other points of view before making a decision. I pay attention to details... or I at least try to. I am a reasonable person. I am quite giving and willing to forgive easily. I just have no clue what got me to earn this polar opposite treatment all the time. Laughing it off or freezing me out sounds pretty polar to me.
All I know is that while I scratch my head in wonder, I have to accept this quirk as this is how things are. Definitely no sign of change on the horizon. I can predict how this conversation would go with DH and I if I questioned the parallel universe of reactions coming from him.... I will get denial at first and then the silent treatment for three days. After that expires... things just go back to the way that they have been and no resolution found. If I push for a solution or answers... the topic changes and it is pick out Nancy's flaws until he feels better, then the silent treatment will go for another three days until I can look at him without wanting to cry or punch him in the face and then things return back with yet again no resolution, solution, or understanding. There is only one thing I can do is point it out in a way at how it is affecting DD and I and let it drop. Leaving it up to him to figure it out and do something about it. Odds are... he won't, but at least I speak my peace and move forward. I guess it has to be this way, but if I ever got the opportunity to talk to DH's doctors... I would not hold anything back. Someone needs to hold him and them accountable because I am not taking the blame for this one if things get worse around here.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Grrr... time to get a grip....
Old and ornery is not what I had planned, but I am embarking on seeing my age demographic rise. In less than 24 hours I will be officially a year older and hopefully wiser. Not sure if I am all that thrilled about the getting older thing, but you just cannot stop that freight train from happening, right?
Now, normally people look forward to celebrating that anniversary of birth, but I just never got all that excited. I used to, but after years of non-celebrations on my behalf has left me a little jaded. I remember as a youngster, trying to put together a birthday party for myself to only have it become a no-show fest and a solo trip to the store with my dad to pick out what I would like for my birthday gift.
Back then, my parents struggled to support me and my three other siblings. Not in a way that made it look like we were destitute, but every penny was accounted for in my family home. Both my mom and dad worked. Not always at the same time, but they both earned something to keep the essentials around. We had the option.... Have a birthday party with friends, games and cake or not have a party and get one thing we really want for our birthday.
With having a birthday so close to a summer holiday, it was far harder to assemble a group of friends to celebrate with me. The carnivals were in full swing, family vacations happened, and with the weather apparently being too perfect to be packed in a house for an afternoon... I would get far more declines to my birthday party than I would actual R.S.V.P.'s. So, I usually got something from my mom and dad and called it a day. Sure, I got well wishes, but not much beyond that. I do not blame my parents for feeling like a misfit toy on Christmas Island. I do not blame the friends I had back then that celebrating my birthday with me looked more like a last resort before all the other great things that they can do on my birthday. It was just what it was... another day... no big deal. In fact, one birthday was spent at a funeral of a friend and not one person thought of wishing me a happy birthday. WOW... totally selfish to think that it should have been acknowledged when people are grieving over a death of a friend. That just added a pang of guilt right now.
With other people getting sweet 16 parties that appeared more like a gala event, I could have been jealous, but it took too much effort to pull that emotion out of my hat. My 21st birthday was fun. I had a few older friends of mine take me to a bar for my first drinking experience. Of course, trouble follows me... or so I started to believe when some drunk chick tried to pick a fight with me. Once she figured out that I was not to be messed with when I offered to take her out into the parking lot to settle her apparent issue... it was quite uneventful. I already knew what my limit was well before being of legal age. Yep, I had my real first taste of alcohol at my oldest sister's wedding. I was 17. A completely embarrassing debacle of events that my sister has on video tape for nostalgic purposes to look back upon (sorry big sis... still feel a pang of guilt over that, but my first hangover was a definite lesson learned... well, my date did not seem to mind crashing into the ladies room to help feed me crackers and 7-up to sober me up a bit, so it did have some funny memories in hindsight about that).
Now, when it came to milestone birthdays as an adult, I happen to still be an afterthought. When I turned 30, I did notice my best friend trying to make it a little special while we were at a BBQ by giving me a gift and an "over the hill" balloon. I appreciated the effort. At 40, I hoped for a little surprise party from DH (since I threw one for his 40th), but I did not. I did get a card and nothing else, so I should appreciate that I was thought of regardless, right? After having 40 smack me upside my head, the birthdays that followed lacked the party as well as the card. Heck, I would get a "happy birthday" comment . maybe a quick kiss and back to the routine of being the overachieving spouse that I am with cooking, cleaning and all the usual stuff... just another ordinary day. There has been one thoughtful moment that usually happened on my birthday, but that came to a screeching halt last year.... my best friend would do her best to make some time for me, offer a small trinket and give me the feeling that I was appreciated for making it another year. She moved away and can't just fly back just for me and my birthday. I know I will get to hear from her and I really do appreciate that. It has boiled down to the smallest of things being appreciated the most.
Of course, I know that at the time of my birth (at the glorious crack of dawn), I will get a phone call from my mom and her rendition of singing happy birthday to me. She contributed to my birthday gift in lieu of a party (the tradition still stands all these years as well as being married with a family of my own now), and with getting it early.... I will put to use that Magic Bullet from Bed Bath and Beyond. She contributed half the cost and also supplied the coupon to save on the cost. Works for me since she is on a fixed income and really should not spend on me anymore. She should spend it on herself instead. I'll probably get a call from my other siblings somewhere during the day. One will sing, one will tease me by telling me that I am an old hag (even though I am the youngest of the brood) which will be filled with banter, and the other might find the time to call (she is really busy, you know). DD will probably make me an originally designed card and give me a hug. DH will probably mention a "happy birthday" before he heads off to work or maybe mention it later in the day (if he remembers, that is). Basically, only feeling slightly special, but just another ordinary day nonetheless.
What kind of hits me hard is the looking back at how far I have gone in life and all those "what ifs" that I passed on. I get a little nostalgic and withdrawn while I try to embrace that I am another year older. While I would love to go into hiding for the day that marks the anniversary of my birth, I have no choice but to face getting older. Really... is turning 45 a death sentence? Heck, is it a milestone birthday? Probably not. Just another year notch in my bedpost of life. Oh well.....
I did notice that I am getting a little short on the patience scale. I have been known for my calm nature and reasonable expectations. Heck, I have been told that I am sunshine wherever I happen to be, but I have noticed that I am getting real close to snapping sometimes. Stupidity and childish acts are really rubbing my nerves raw. Divas and wanna be divas are going to hear my wrath real soon. There are times I feel like I am itching to let loose and really tell some people off while in the same breath I want to cry if there is a confrontation. I seem to be cracking at the seams, but it could be a hormonal thing. I am getting close to that age that does that. The sweats and the shivers are getting closer. I can almost feel it coming and I believe that takes away that feeling of being that delicate wallflower of being a woman. Oh, who am I kidding! I am a tomboy to the core and will probably embrace the lack of estrogen easier than most. I just have to check my attitude before opening my mouth and I guess turning 45 is a good starting point. Yep, embrace the fact that I am getting older, more ornery, and less cute. Of course, DD sucked the cuteness out of me when she was conceived. That is my story and I am sticking to it!!
Grrr... time to hibernate somewhere with the phone off the hook real soon. Time is running out! I don't wanna grow up!!!!!!!!!! ((burying my head under the covers)) But I have to get the grocery shopping for the week done first... sigh.
Now, normally people look forward to celebrating that anniversary of birth, but I just never got all that excited. I used to, but after years of non-celebrations on my behalf has left me a little jaded. I remember as a youngster, trying to put together a birthday party for myself to only have it become a no-show fest and a solo trip to the store with my dad to pick out what I would like for my birthday gift.
Back then, my parents struggled to support me and my three other siblings. Not in a way that made it look like we were destitute, but every penny was accounted for in my family home. Both my mom and dad worked. Not always at the same time, but they both earned something to keep the essentials around. We had the option.... Have a birthday party with friends, games and cake or not have a party and get one thing we really want for our birthday.
With having a birthday so close to a summer holiday, it was far harder to assemble a group of friends to celebrate with me. The carnivals were in full swing, family vacations happened, and with the weather apparently being too perfect to be packed in a house for an afternoon... I would get far more declines to my birthday party than I would actual R.S.V.P.'s. So, I usually got something from my mom and dad and called it a day. Sure, I got well wishes, but not much beyond that. I do not blame my parents for feeling like a misfit toy on Christmas Island. I do not blame the friends I had back then that celebrating my birthday with me looked more like a last resort before all the other great things that they can do on my birthday. It was just what it was... another day... no big deal. In fact, one birthday was spent at a funeral of a friend and not one person thought of wishing me a happy birthday. WOW... totally selfish to think that it should have been acknowledged when people are grieving over a death of a friend. That just added a pang of guilt right now.
With other people getting sweet 16 parties that appeared more like a gala event, I could have been jealous, but it took too much effort to pull that emotion out of my hat. My 21st birthday was fun. I had a few older friends of mine take me to a bar for my first drinking experience. Of course, trouble follows me... or so I started to believe when some drunk chick tried to pick a fight with me. Once she figured out that I was not to be messed with when I offered to take her out into the parking lot to settle her apparent issue... it was quite uneventful. I already knew what my limit was well before being of legal age. Yep, I had my real first taste of alcohol at my oldest sister's wedding. I was 17. A completely embarrassing debacle of events that my sister has on video tape for nostalgic purposes to look back upon (sorry big sis... still feel a pang of guilt over that, but my first hangover was a definite lesson learned... well, my date did not seem to mind crashing into the ladies room to help feed me crackers and 7-up to sober me up a bit, so it did have some funny memories in hindsight about that).
Now, when it came to milestone birthdays as an adult, I happen to still be an afterthought. When I turned 30, I did notice my best friend trying to make it a little special while we were at a BBQ by giving me a gift and an "over the hill" balloon. I appreciated the effort. At 40, I hoped for a little surprise party from DH (since I threw one for his 40th), but I did not. I did get a card and nothing else, so I should appreciate that I was thought of regardless, right? After having 40 smack me upside my head, the birthdays that followed lacked the party as well as the card. Heck, I would get a "happy birthday" comment . maybe a quick kiss and back to the routine of being the overachieving spouse that I am with cooking, cleaning and all the usual stuff... just another ordinary day. There has been one thoughtful moment that usually happened on my birthday, but that came to a screeching halt last year.... my best friend would do her best to make some time for me, offer a small trinket and give me the feeling that I was appreciated for making it another year. She moved away and can't just fly back just for me and my birthday. I know I will get to hear from her and I really do appreciate that. It has boiled down to the smallest of things being appreciated the most.
Of course, I know that at the time of my birth (at the glorious crack of dawn), I will get a phone call from my mom and her rendition of singing happy birthday to me. She contributed to my birthday gift in lieu of a party (the tradition still stands all these years as well as being married with a family of my own now), and with getting it early.... I will put to use that Magic Bullet from Bed Bath and Beyond. She contributed half the cost and also supplied the coupon to save on the cost. Works for me since she is on a fixed income and really should not spend on me anymore. She should spend it on herself instead. I'll probably get a call from my other siblings somewhere during the day. One will sing, one will tease me by telling me that I am an old hag (even though I am the youngest of the brood) which will be filled with banter, and the other might find the time to call (she is really busy, you know). DD will probably make me an originally designed card and give me a hug. DH will probably mention a "happy birthday" before he heads off to work or maybe mention it later in the day (if he remembers, that is). Basically, only feeling slightly special, but just another ordinary day nonetheless.
What kind of hits me hard is the looking back at how far I have gone in life and all those "what ifs" that I passed on. I get a little nostalgic and withdrawn while I try to embrace that I am another year older. While I would love to go into hiding for the day that marks the anniversary of my birth, I have no choice but to face getting older. Really... is turning 45 a death sentence? Heck, is it a milestone birthday? Probably not. Just another year notch in my bedpost of life. Oh well.....
I did notice that I am getting a little short on the patience scale. I have been known for my calm nature and reasonable expectations. Heck, I have been told that I am sunshine wherever I happen to be, but I have noticed that I am getting real close to snapping sometimes. Stupidity and childish acts are really rubbing my nerves raw. Divas and wanna be divas are going to hear my wrath real soon. There are times I feel like I am itching to let loose and really tell some people off while in the same breath I want to cry if there is a confrontation. I seem to be cracking at the seams, but it could be a hormonal thing. I am getting close to that age that does that. The sweats and the shivers are getting closer. I can almost feel it coming and I believe that takes away that feeling of being that delicate wallflower of being a woman. Oh, who am I kidding! I am a tomboy to the core and will probably embrace the lack of estrogen easier than most. I just have to check my attitude before opening my mouth and I guess turning 45 is a good starting point. Yep, embrace the fact that I am getting older, more ornery, and less cute. Of course, DD sucked the cuteness out of me when she was conceived. That is my story and I am sticking to it!!
Grrr... time to hibernate somewhere with the phone off the hook real soon. Time is running out! I don't wanna grow up!!!!!!!!!! ((burying my head under the covers)) But I have to get the grocery shopping for the week done first... sigh.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Good to know...
Breaking up is not all that hard to overcome if you already have another person to take that vacant space. At least, that is what I just recently learned about DD today.
I know that DD is a beautiful person through and through, but I never in my dizziest of days would think that she could get over her first boyfriend with such ease. In fact, I was a bit shocked at how well DD took the silent breakup she got from her first "boyfriend". I knew it was a first-crush-school-romance that rarely should make a dent in life, but usually the firsts in anything are the strongest felt. First boyfriends, first breakups, first heartaches and first heartbreaks are a passage in life and it is always the parent that helps put all that broken feeling back together and teaches that life is more than that first in life and to remind them that there is far greater things on the horizon. You know what I mean, right? Getting to use that old cliche' of, "there are more fish in the sea", apparently is not going to be used by me. Yep, DD learned that notion all on her own. Not one noticeable tear was shed when her at school boyfriend did not call her after school ended, nor did he mention if their relationship was to go beyond school and continue over the summer. She got to experience the silent breakup with no real closure all on her own.
It seems that it was no big deal for her since she now has a new boyfriend that she has been chatting it up with via text on her phone. How do I know this, you ask? Well, when DD left her phone on the floor at my feet and left the room, it stirred a curious notion in my bloodstream. Not nosy by nature, I resisted, that is, until her phone received a text with the words... "good morning cuddlebear". Noticing a name that I am not aware of raised my curiosity just a bit more. Before giving DD her cell phone, I looked at the messaging history and noticed that this has been going on for a while. All cutesy stuff, and nothing sexual, but unsettling to say the least. DD has usually been open and honest with me, but this is one HUGE secret that I knew nothing about. It appears that this person goes by initials for a first name and he is also quite smitten with my daughter. Totally unsettling in my opinion. I should have come to terms with the fact that she would be getting boyfriends soon enough. Heck, I was reasonable with the last boyfriend since he was not afraid to call my house, but humored me that he was afraid to talk to me. That obvious sense of fear of me was comforting, in a way, because I knew that this kid would respect my wishes and be extremely fearful if my haunches were up. Being a mama bear gives me the right to demand respect and I felt it with that kid. This new boyfriend.... well, I am feeling quite curious and concerned. She said nothing about his existence and their contact has been more direct to her via her cell phone than a call to the house.
I confronted DD with my concerns and it ended up being a major yelling match. She did not say that it was not my business to know, but she did happen to mention that she did not feel like telling me about this person. That concerns me when secrets are starting to come around. I tried to explain to her that I want to be in the know about everything and everyone in her life. That includes any new friends and especially new boyfriends. I explained why I demand to know all the details before she does anything with anyone. I always need to know the who, what, where, when, why, and how to everything. I even demand total honesty with every answer. It is what a parent does in order to keep their child safe. While her father may seem more relaxed when it comes to what DD is up to, I am the one that will always have her back and I would do anything to keep her safe. As the saying goes.... I would jump in front of a train, take a bullet, confront an attacker and whatever else it takes to protect her. I have no doubts that all parents would do that for their child and sadly, our children never understand that until they become adults that make mistakes on their own. Heck, the one guarantee that a parent becomes understood, appreciated and cherished by their child is after they have children of their own.
I was hoping to break that cycle of secrets and lies when it came to the relationship between DD and I. With this recent event, I know that I did not achieve that goal. The phase of being out of the loop and looked upon as a nuisance that never understands has already begun. Doors will be slamming any day now as well as the fight to get all the facts even when all you get is vague generalities. My baby is determined to spread her wings while I want to keep her close. I know I will keep trying, but today I am going to take a little break from the never ending fight that has begun. I told DD that she just fired me from being on her side and now has to turn to her father when she gets in trouble or hurt. The only way she can keep me in her corner and cover her back is to change the path she is starting to take. If she chooses to not keep me in the loop, she has to deal with her father from now on. She already knows how that is going to turn out since DH has never had my back, nor has he ever done anything to keep me safe. Of course, he rarely ever had to do much since I am capable of taking care of myself, but he never once offered because he can. The proof has been in the pudding, so to speak, when it comes to never having my back when he chooses to let his family snub me and our daughter. As for defending my honor? He has sat back and watched me handle that myself the one time it happened. I truly believe that if something like that happened again... he would still do nothing.
At least I confronted DD with my concerns. I explained my actions and gave her a choice. It is all that I can do now, but she has been forewarned that my trust in her word is meaning less and less with each secret revealed and every lie caught. I just hope that she catches on real quick and stays smart. I know she is a smart kid, but I know first hand that when the word love is getting used... intelligence takes a back seat. UGH! I just feel sick over this, but at least I now know.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
I know that DD is a beautiful person through and through, but I never in my dizziest of days would think that she could get over her first boyfriend with such ease. In fact, I was a bit shocked at how well DD took the silent breakup she got from her first "boyfriend". I knew it was a first-crush-school-romance that rarely should make a dent in life, but usually the firsts in anything are the strongest felt. First boyfriends, first breakups, first heartaches and first heartbreaks are a passage in life and it is always the parent that helps put all that broken feeling back together and teaches that life is more than that first in life and to remind them that there is far greater things on the horizon. You know what I mean, right? Getting to use that old cliche' of, "there are more fish in the sea", apparently is not going to be used by me. Yep, DD learned that notion all on her own. Not one noticeable tear was shed when her at school boyfriend did not call her after school ended, nor did he mention if their relationship was to go beyond school and continue over the summer. She got to experience the silent breakup with no real closure all on her own.
It seems that it was no big deal for her since she now has a new boyfriend that she has been chatting it up with via text on her phone. How do I know this, you ask? Well, when DD left her phone on the floor at my feet and left the room, it stirred a curious notion in my bloodstream. Not nosy by nature, I resisted, that is, until her phone received a text with the words... "good morning cuddlebear". Noticing a name that I am not aware of raised my curiosity just a bit more. Before giving DD her cell phone, I looked at the messaging history and noticed that this has been going on for a while. All cutesy stuff, and nothing sexual, but unsettling to say the least. DD has usually been open and honest with me, but this is one HUGE secret that I knew nothing about. It appears that this person goes by initials for a first name and he is also quite smitten with my daughter. Totally unsettling in my opinion. I should have come to terms with the fact that she would be getting boyfriends soon enough. Heck, I was reasonable with the last boyfriend since he was not afraid to call my house, but humored me that he was afraid to talk to me. That obvious sense of fear of me was comforting, in a way, because I knew that this kid would respect my wishes and be extremely fearful if my haunches were up. Being a mama bear gives me the right to demand respect and I felt it with that kid. This new boyfriend.... well, I am feeling quite curious and concerned. She said nothing about his existence and their contact has been more direct to her via her cell phone than a call to the house.
I confronted DD with my concerns and it ended up being a major yelling match. She did not say that it was not my business to know, but she did happen to mention that she did not feel like telling me about this person. That concerns me when secrets are starting to come around. I tried to explain to her that I want to be in the know about everything and everyone in her life. That includes any new friends and especially new boyfriends. I explained why I demand to know all the details before she does anything with anyone. I always need to know the who, what, where, when, why, and how to everything. I even demand total honesty with every answer. It is what a parent does in order to keep their child safe. While her father may seem more relaxed when it comes to what DD is up to, I am the one that will always have her back and I would do anything to keep her safe. As the saying goes.... I would jump in front of a train, take a bullet, confront an attacker and whatever else it takes to protect her. I have no doubts that all parents would do that for their child and sadly, our children never understand that until they become adults that make mistakes on their own. Heck, the one guarantee that a parent becomes understood, appreciated and cherished by their child is after they have children of their own.
I was hoping to break that cycle of secrets and lies when it came to the relationship between DD and I. With this recent event, I know that I did not achieve that goal. The phase of being out of the loop and looked upon as a nuisance that never understands has already begun. Doors will be slamming any day now as well as the fight to get all the facts even when all you get is vague generalities. My baby is determined to spread her wings while I want to keep her close. I know I will keep trying, but today I am going to take a little break from the never ending fight that has begun. I told DD that she just fired me from being on her side and now has to turn to her father when she gets in trouble or hurt. The only way she can keep me in her corner and cover her back is to change the path she is starting to take. If she chooses to not keep me in the loop, she has to deal with her father from now on. She already knows how that is going to turn out since DH has never had my back, nor has he ever done anything to keep me safe. Of course, he rarely ever had to do much since I am capable of taking care of myself, but he never once offered because he can. The proof has been in the pudding, so to speak, when it comes to never having my back when he chooses to let his family snub me and our daughter. As for defending my honor? He has sat back and watched me handle that myself the one time it happened. I truly believe that if something like that happened again... he would still do nothing.
At least I confronted DD with my concerns. I explained my actions and gave her a choice. It is all that I can do now, but she has been forewarned that my trust in her word is meaning less and less with each secret revealed and every lie caught. I just hope that she catches on real quick and stays smart. I know she is a smart kid, but I know first hand that when the word love is getting used... intelligence takes a back seat. UGH! I just feel sick over this, but at least I now know.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
My slant on the "O" word....
Over the past couple of days, the local news has been reporting something that hit an already tense nerve in me and this flossing is more of a rant than a solution. So, if you are not a fan of someone being on a soapbox, speaking their mind.... then, you can stop here and have a nice day, okay?
(Stepping on soapbox)...
Okay, I am fully aware that not everyone is perfectly at the ideal weight that according to the calculations of the body mass index (aka BMI), and it is just about reasonable to say that there is controversy over what that weight is to every body type and how it can appear that a person could look positively malnourished. Of course, it is painfully obvious that when the formula for what is considered a healthy weight according to the BMI charts, it never considered body structure (bone structure) or even muscle mass (since muscle weighs more than fat). It should be considered when a doctor looks at a person and makes the assessment to whether a person is considered to be at their ideal weight, overweight, or obese.
With that being said. NOW I can get to what has tweaked my last nerve....
According to a recent news report, there is a plan in the works to label a person's ranking on the BMI chart as a disease than a result. Let me say it this way.... Apparently obesity is a disease rather than a condition. REALLY?!?!?!?!? My question is how can that be?
Obesity can occur to any person and it is not always due to poor diet and exercise. There are other conditions to consider that still do not make this a disease, so to speak. How about Thyroid conditions? How about side effects from a medication? How about genetics? These few considerations have been explored, but in all of them, they are not considered a disease in any sense of the word. Well, maybe when it comes down to the conclusion of the Thyroid, but side effects to medications are not diseases... they are side effects to the medication. While some believe that genetics can pose as more of a learned habit from generation to generation, it still is not something a person can "catch". Heck, getting older poses a threat to a person's ability to maintain or even lose weight. So even the change of life for both men and women have a disease attached to it, right? Is the medical community going to call a pregnant woman diseased because they gain weight during pregnancy? Being pregnant is not a disease, but a 9 month condition that results in a baby from a sexual act, but there is weight gain in the process. Oh, we can call that a disease, too, since it is quite hard for some to lose that pregnancy weight.
Maybe I am splitting hairs here, but the truth is out there and it needs to be said.
While on the subject of claiming that obesity should be called a disease, there needs to be a solution to the issue. Of course, people can eat less and move more, but it is the foods that we eat that can also affect a person's body. The processes to foods that get me. Convenience foods are not the most healthy to choose from. nor is the genetically modified foods created in labs to produce more volume for the populous in a far faster time frame. I have seen Food, Inc., the movie,. and was completely disgusted in the process of how our food is created and handled. I would love to go organic, but the cost exceeds our family budget. I would go vegetarian (or even vegan), but even those lifestyle choices will lack the necessary nutrients that the body needs, but even achieving these extreme lifestyles is impossible when I have a family of picky eating, convenience food loving, stubborn people to contend with. I know we are capable of getting protein from plants, but even the process of cooking is tainted when it comes to the water we consume and use for cooking. As with any diet out there, it is required that you consume vitamins in pill form to supplement for nutrients that we cannot get enough of in the foods we consume. Really, how is one eating plan better than the other if you have to consume a medicinal grade pill to get the balance right? According to some studies, even the foods we consume (organic or otherwise) do not contain the necessary nutrients a body needs in a single serving. Of course, the concept of what a serving is even can baffle the most astute of minds. Oh, and lets factor in calories consumed for added measure.
When it comes to calories, we are supposed to take in less than what we burn in a day in order to lose weight. To maintain weight, we need to consume the exact amount of calories we burn. Why is that important? Because apparently, if a person consumes more calories than what we burn, we will gain weight, and that is a bad thing. The problem in that scenario is this.... According to an individual, the rate of calories burned varies on other factors. These factors are muscle mass and level of exertion. Ever wondered how that is figured out? I am still trying to figure it out myself, but I did do a little study on a treadmill one time.
Oh, treadmills.... the torture devises of the gym, but the most popular. If you have ever been on one, you will notice that these machines do have the nerve to ask you about your weight and age before starting an exercise program. While it is not an exact science and is in no means accurate to the individual, it does give you a ballpark figure of how many calories you burned while on the machine. Now, when I did my little research, I found out that the heavier you are, the higher the calorie burn there is compared to a person of lighter weight. Most likely because of the weight that is being moved, but as with this machine and many others, it cannot calculate calorie burn if the weight is from a person that has more muscle than fat or vise versa. Muscle is known to burn more fat, but fat burns at a slower rate if there is a lack of muscle. So, how does one manage to know exactly how effective a workout truly is? Exertion is one way, but not exactly an exact science, either. A person in poor shape will feel strong exertion at a lower rate of effort compared to a person in far better shape. Can a person figure exertion from the level of sweating? Nope. External temperatures can affect the start and strength of sweating. So, really, how does a person know that their efforts are successful? You don't.
With all the science that has been shared in how a person is successful in losing weight being bunk, there is also the controversy over how to maintain weight. If a person does obtain their goal weight, how are you guaranteed that is stays the same? There is no guarantee that continuing the same routine is going to keep you where you need to be. In all honesty, how does a person figure calorie content and exercise burn to be exact? You can't. You can keep a vigilant eye on the scale, but even that is not the guarantee that you are healthy at doing it. Muscle weighs more than fat. That is a fact. Bone structure affects weight. A body can only be healthy at a weight that the body chooses to be ideal. Not some chart with a confusing formula that does not factor in these variances.
While I may be nitpicking at the most extreme level and I do believe that there are some people that happen to be truly unhealthy and carry an excessive amount of weight, I just happen to have a serious problem that there are people that want to call a slight weight problem a disease when there are extreme issues being the culprit to the generality of the topic. According to the BMI chart, I am considered obese, but I have been told that I may appear a bit on the heavy side, I am in no way looking unhealthy. I am strong and I do not need the aid of a walker to move. I am active, but not like a hamster in in exercise wheel kind of active. I go to the gym, but I do not live there. I eat healthy, but to the point that I am a health Nazi. I know that my weight issues are not going to be easy to solve. I am getting older and my metabolism is not like the way it used to be. I also happen to like food and sometimes I do mindlessly snack when I should not be, but I am working on that. I just happen to feel angered by the generalization that my being overweight for my frame and muscle level is on the verge of being labeled a disease than a situation being worked on. Really, if this is a disease, then there should be a pill to go along with the many others out there to solve my problem that will not be addictive or destructive to my well being. Once that is figured out, then I might be a little more welcoming on being considered diseased. I just see my weight as more of a challenge than a death sentence and I would hope that others that feel the same instead of defeated all the time.
Okay, stepping off my soapbox....
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
(Stepping on soapbox)...
Okay, I am fully aware that not everyone is perfectly at the ideal weight that according to the calculations of the body mass index (aka BMI), and it is just about reasonable to say that there is controversy over what that weight is to every body type and how it can appear that a person could look positively malnourished. Of course, it is painfully obvious that when the formula for what is considered a healthy weight according to the BMI charts, it never considered body structure (bone structure) or even muscle mass (since muscle weighs more than fat). It should be considered when a doctor looks at a person and makes the assessment to whether a person is considered to be at their ideal weight, overweight, or obese.
With that being said. NOW I can get to what has tweaked my last nerve....
According to a recent news report, there is a plan in the works to label a person's ranking on the BMI chart as a disease than a result. Let me say it this way.... Apparently obesity is a disease rather than a condition. REALLY?!?!?!?!? My question is how can that be?
Obesity can occur to any person and it is not always due to poor diet and exercise. There are other conditions to consider that still do not make this a disease, so to speak. How about Thyroid conditions? How about side effects from a medication? How about genetics? These few considerations have been explored, but in all of them, they are not considered a disease in any sense of the word. Well, maybe when it comes down to the conclusion of the Thyroid, but side effects to medications are not diseases... they are side effects to the medication. While some believe that genetics can pose as more of a learned habit from generation to generation, it still is not something a person can "catch". Heck, getting older poses a threat to a person's ability to maintain or even lose weight. So even the change of life for both men and women have a disease attached to it, right? Is the medical community going to call a pregnant woman diseased because they gain weight during pregnancy? Being pregnant is not a disease, but a 9 month condition that results in a baby from a sexual act, but there is weight gain in the process. Oh, we can call that a disease, too, since it is quite hard for some to lose that pregnancy weight.
Maybe I am splitting hairs here, but the truth is out there and it needs to be said.
While on the subject of claiming that obesity should be called a disease, there needs to be a solution to the issue. Of course, people can eat less and move more, but it is the foods that we eat that can also affect a person's body. The processes to foods that get me. Convenience foods are not the most healthy to choose from. nor is the genetically modified foods created in labs to produce more volume for the populous in a far faster time frame. I have seen Food, Inc., the movie,. and was completely disgusted in the process of how our food is created and handled. I would love to go organic, but the cost exceeds our family budget. I would go vegetarian (or even vegan), but even those lifestyle choices will lack the necessary nutrients that the body needs, but even achieving these extreme lifestyles is impossible when I have a family of picky eating, convenience food loving, stubborn people to contend with. I know we are capable of getting protein from plants, but even the process of cooking is tainted when it comes to the water we consume and use for cooking. As with any diet out there, it is required that you consume vitamins in pill form to supplement for nutrients that we cannot get enough of in the foods we consume. Really, how is one eating plan better than the other if you have to consume a medicinal grade pill to get the balance right? According to some studies, even the foods we consume (organic or otherwise) do not contain the necessary nutrients a body needs in a single serving. Of course, the concept of what a serving is even can baffle the most astute of minds. Oh, and lets factor in calories consumed for added measure.
When it comes to calories, we are supposed to take in less than what we burn in a day in order to lose weight. To maintain weight, we need to consume the exact amount of calories we burn. Why is that important? Because apparently, if a person consumes more calories than what we burn, we will gain weight, and that is a bad thing. The problem in that scenario is this.... According to an individual, the rate of calories burned varies on other factors. These factors are muscle mass and level of exertion. Ever wondered how that is figured out? I am still trying to figure it out myself, but I did do a little study on a treadmill one time.
Oh, treadmills.... the torture devises of the gym, but the most popular. If you have ever been on one, you will notice that these machines do have the nerve to ask you about your weight and age before starting an exercise program. While it is not an exact science and is in no means accurate to the individual, it does give you a ballpark figure of how many calories you burned while on the machine. Now, when I did my little research, I found out that the heavier you are, the higher the calorie burn there is compared to a person of lighter weight. Most likely because of the weight that is being moved, but as with this machine and many others, it cannot calculate calorie burn if the weight is from a person that has more muscle than fat or vise versa. Muscle is known to burn more fat, but fat burns at a slower rate if there is a lack of muscle. So, how does one manage to know exactly how effective a workout truly is? Exertion is one way, but not exactly an exact science, either. A person in poor shape will feel strong exertion at a lower rate of effort compared to a person in far better shape. Can a person figure exertion from the level of sweating? Nope. External temperatures can affect the start and strength of sweating. So, really, how does a person know that their efforts are successful? You don't.
With all the science that has been shared in how a person is successful in losing weight being bunk, there is also the controversy over how to maintain weight. If a person does obtain their goal weight, how are you guaranteed that is stays the same? There is no guarantee that continuing the same routine is going to keep you where you need to be. In all honesty, how does a person figure calorie content and exercise burn to be exact? You can't. You can keep a vigilant eye on the scale, but even that is not the guarantee that you are healthy at doing it. Muscle weighs more than fat. That is a fact. Bone structure affects weight. A body can only be healthy at a weight that the body chooses to be ideal. Not some chart with a confusing formula that does not factor in these variances.
While I may be nitpicking at the most extreme level and I do believe that there are some people that happen to be truly unhealthy and carry an excessive amount of weight, I just happen to have a serious problem that there are people that want to call a slight weight problem a disease when there are extreme issues being the culprit to the generality of the topic. According to the BMI chart, I am considered obese, but I have been told that I may appear a bit on the heavy side, I am in no way looking unhealthy. I am strong and I do not need the aid of a walker to move. I am active, but not like a hamster in in exercise wheel kind of active. I go to the gym, but I do not live there. I eat healthy, but to the point that I am a health Nazi. I know that my weight issues are not going to be easy to solve. I am getting older and my metabolism is not like the way it used to be. I also happen to like food and sometimes I do mindlessly snack when I should not be, but I am working on that. I just happen to feel angered by the generalization that my being overweight for my frame and muscle level is on the verge of being labeled a disease than a situation being worked on. Really, if this is a disease, then there should be a pill to go along with the many others out there to solve my problem that will not be addictive or destructive to my well being. Once that is figured out, then I might be a little more welcoming on being considered diseased. I just see my weight as more of a challenge than a death sentence and I would hope that others that feel the same instead of defeated all the time.
Okay, stepping off my soapbox....
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Suffering in silence.....
It is well known that everyone hurts from time to time. It can be an emotional ache as well as a physical one. The difference is in how we deal with it.
Now, with the obvious differences when it comes to dealing with pain in any sense, we all do one thing that happens to be common.... We talk about it. Well, most of us do. There does come a time when the pain is constant and talking about it to another person becomes more of a deterrent than an attempt to connect with another with that common thread. I guess the best phrase to describe this is if you constantly complain, people will not want to be around you. Kind-of like the little boy who cried wolf one too many times, what you say can lose it's value, impact, or importance.
It is well known that there has been a strong track record of less-than happy and comfortable moments in my life. Between the friction that happens between DH and I as well as issues with my back, teeth, and whatnot... I would appear to be a less than ideal person to be around, but I try to be the opposite. I usually mask the negative with a smile and try to spin what I really feel with some sharply sarcastic view when people choose to speak to me. In fact, I have had a few conversations with people that had them laughing at my expense.
Just yesterday, my best friend had a little time to give me a call to see how I am doing. I understand that she is very busy with her job and the time difference makes it difficult to call as needed, so when she calls (or if I call her), it is a Cliffs Notes version of what we talk about because time is of the essence. While she asked how things are going with me after her brief synopsis of what is going on with her, I gave her the best rendition of a comedy of events that has happened to me. Between the two dentist appointments, the two doctor appointments, the round of antibiotics, the tension that is rolling off DH's and my backs over finances to pay for all this, and the final reprieve for a week... I had her laughing, but she knows it is not exactly all that funny going through it. Of course, at that very moment she called, I was on my way to the chiropractor for yet another annoyance that makes my day a little more difficult, but it was not the usual location in my spine that needed tending to... it was my neck.
With my history of back spasms that I swear can wake me from a dead sleep, I could easily accept this being a part of my life. No matter how often or not that I go to see my chiropractor, I will have these issues. I know that if I lose the needed weight, it will ease up a little, but it will never truly go away forever and that is a part of my life I am beginning to accept. With years under my belt of this problem, I decided to not share with DH my misery. It is really because his response to my mention of the pain and the lack of ability to sleep in our bed for the full night is usually silence or a mention for me to "suck it up and deal with it on my own because he doesn't share every ache and pain to me". Basically, I see this as his frustration rearing its ugly head and really, who wants to be pushed down when they need a lift up? My reluctance to mention to DH that I am in pain is because I really do not want to be talked down to anymore. I have no doubt that there are others that feel the same and remain quiet just because of it in their lives. Some may hide it in overcompensating with the opposite acts of saying that they feel fine and dandy, but in the grand scheme of things... they are keeping the mention of hurting silent.
Well, apparently my back issues pale in comparison to pinching a nerve in my neck because usually one adjustment fixes the problem for a while. I got adjusted to alleviate the pain that travels down my shoulder and gives me a tingling sensation in a few of my fingers and I am still just as sore and tingly today as I was yesterday and the day before. As I laid on that table face down, I got to hear my chiropractor's assessment of my situation. Since I have no clue what I could have done to tweak my neck and shoulders, he mentions the obvious to me and I had to laugh. I most likely managed to injure myself through a combination of things.... sleeping in a twisted fashion, the use of keeping my hands raised to use the computer, the raised hands of being a hairdresser at work, and stress. Really, all it takes to make a misalignment in the spine is something so small and insignificant (like muscle tension) and nerves get pinched and pain reigns.
As the chiropractor tried to loosen the tense muscles in my neck, I had to make a joke about the stress comment. He happens to know, as well as many others that happen to really know me, that stress is what keeps me going. Stress of trying to make ends meet after this triathlon of professionals I had to turn to in slightly over a month and I have one more on the horizon. Yep, the "lady parts" doctor will be getting a call about something that is missing in my monthly routine and will probably result in yet another round of something that a pharmacist will be filling to fix the problem if it does not get here in a couple more weeks. I am just waiting for that one diagnosis to come up and I will no longer have to pay such close attention to it anymore, but apparently, the last round of blood tests said I am not there yet and I will have to deal with these misfired little misfits until it happens. I am apparently not at the right age, but I feel I am physically well beyond it, if you ask me. Oh well, I just have to wait and see if I have to deal with yet another doctor for that. No need to count the chickens before they hatch, so to speak.
So, when it comes to pain - any kind of pain you feel - remember that even if we suffer in silence, we do not suffer alone. I am walking and talking proof of that. I sure hope that everyone feels relief from the pains of life and even the stress that life causes. Time for me to pop a Tylenol and stretch some more. Just sharing my thoughts is making my right shoulder hurt just a little more and I think my thumb on my right hand is getting numb. I have stuff to do and it won't get done if I nurse this annoyance any longer than it needs to be, so have a great day everyone and thanks for reading!
Now, with the obvious differences when it comes to dealing with pain in any sense, we all do one thing that happens to be common.... We talk about it. Well, most of us do. There does come a time when the pain is constant and talking about it to another person becomes more of a deterrent than an attempt to connect with another with that common thread. I guess the best phrase to describe this is if you constantly complain, people will not want to be around you. Kind-of like the little boy who cried wolf one too many times, what you say can lose it's value, impact, or importance.
It is well known that there has been a strong track record of less-than happy and comfortable moments in my life. Between the friction that happens between DH and I as well as issues with my back, teeth, and whatnot... I would appear to be a less than ideal person to be around, but I try to be the opposite. I usually mask the negative with a smile and try to spin what I really feel with some sharply sarcastic view when people choose to speak to me. In fact, I have had a few conversations with people that had them laughing at my expense.
Just yesterday, my best friend had a little time to give me a call to see how I am doing. I understand that she is very busy with her job and the time difference makes it difficult to call as needed, so when she calls (or if I call her), it is a Cliffs Notes version of what we talk about because time is of the essence. While she asked how things are going with me after her brief synopsis of what is going on with her, I gave her the best rendition of a comedy of events that has happened to me. Between the two dentist appointments, the two doctor appointments, the round of antibiotics, the tension that is rolling off DH's and my backs over finances to pay for all this, and the final reprieve for a week... I had her laughing, but she knows it is not exactly all that funny going through it. Of course, at that very moment she called, I was on my way to the chiropractor for yet another annoyance that makes my day a little more difficult, but it was not the usual location in my spine that needed tending to... it was my neck.
With my history of back spasms that I swear can wake me from a dead sleep, I could easily accept this being a part of my life. No matter how often or not that I go to see my chiropractor, I will have these issues. I know that if I lose the needed weight, it will ease up a little, but it will never truly go away forever and that is a part of my life I am beginning to accept. With years under my belt of this problem, I decided to not share with DH my misery. It is really because his response to my mention of the pain and the lack of ability to sleep in our bed for the full night is usually silence or a mention for me to "suck it up and deal with it on my own because he doesn't share every ache and pain to me". Basically, I see this as his frustration rearing its ugly head and really, who wants to be pushed down when they need a lift up? My reluctance to mention to DH that I am in pain is because I really do not want to be talked down to anymore. I have no doubt that there are others that feel the same and remain quiet just because of it in their lives. Some may hide it in overcompensating with the opposite acts of saying that they feel fine and dandy, but in the grand scheme of things... they are keeping the mention of hurting silent.
Well, apparently my back issues pale in comparison to pinching a nerve in my neck because usually one adjustment fixes the problem for a while. I got adjusted to alleviate the pain that travels down my shoulder and gives me a tingling sensation in a few of my fingers and I am still just as sore and tingly today as I was yesterday and the day before. As I laid on that table face down, I got to hear my chiropractor's assessment of my situation. Since I have no clue what I could have done to tweak my neck and shoulders, he mentions the obvious to me and I had to laugh. I most likely managed to injure myself through a combination of things.... sleeping in a twisted fashion, the use of keeping my hands raised to use the computer, the raised hands of being a hairdresser at work, and stress. Really, all it takes to make a misalignment in the spine is something so small and insignificant (like muscle tension) and nerves get pinched and pain reigns.
As the chiropractor tried to loosen the tense muscles in my neck, I had to make a joke about the stress comment. He happens to know, as well as many others that happen to really know me, that stress is what keeps me going. Stress of trying to make ends meet after this triathlon of professionals I had to turn to in slightly over a month and I have one more on the horizon. Yep, the "lady parts" doctor will be getting a call about something that is missing in my monthly routine and will probably result in yet another round of something that a pharmacist will be filling to fix the problem if it does not get here in a couple more weeks. I am just waiting for that one diagnosis to come up and I will no longer have to pay such close attention to it anymore, but apparently, the last round of blood tests said I am not there yet and I will have to deal with these misfired little misfits until it happens. I am apparently not at the right age, but I feel I am physically well beyond it, if you ask me. Oh well, I just have to wait and see if I have to deal with yet another doctor for that. No need to count the chickens before they hatch, so to speak.
So, when it comes to pain - any kind of pain you feel - remember that even if we suffer in silence, we do not suffer alone. I am walking and talking proof of that. I sure hope that everyone feels relief from the pains of life and even the stress that life causes. Time for me to pop a Tylenol and stretch some more. Just sharing my thoughts is making my right shoulder hurt just a little more and I think my thumb on my right hand is getting numb. I have stuff to do and it won't get done if I nurse this annoyance any longer than it needs to be, so have a great day everyone and thanks for reading!
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