Just thinking out loud about..... books I choose to read

As I toasted a bagel for breakfast this morning, I poured myself a glass of sparkling water.  After smearing on a little cream cheese.... okay, a fair amount.... I grabbed my breakfast, my drink of choice, and my ever present companion (my Kindle), and took a seat at the table.  As I looked down at my Kindle and the book I am rereading for probably the fourth time, I had managed to think of an answer to my daughter's question from not so long ago come to the surface.

"Mom, why do you read romance novels?"

At first, I used to blame the Fifty Shades of Grey series.  It was the desire to find something better written since I was on my last nerve if I read the word mercurial one more blasted time.  Sheesh!  You'd think this author would find yet another word for unstable, but alas.... she liked that word enough to where I considered taking a shot of Jack Daniels every time I came across that word.  Kind of like when people watch the State of the Union Address and drink to every time a certain word is said.  Heck, in recent events, I would have chosen the word "the" and enjoyed watching that babble more than I did, but I digress.

But as I thought a little deeper, I would claim that people gravitate towards the one thing that they lack in their lives.  Biographies, Autobiographies, and Non-Fiction of the like could easily say that they have a strong desire to learn more.  Comedies are for those that need a little more laughter in their lives, and fans of fiction feel the need for an escape.

I was a self-proclaimed mystery and science fiction fanatic for years.  With authors like Stephen King, John Saul, and James Patterson lined up on my shelf.  I have read books by Dan Brown, Harlan Coben, and Jodi Picoult. Of course, the one book I read from Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper), had me not pick up another one of her books.  I'll admit that the book was well written, but the emotions that resulted from what I read were a little much for me.  Dan Brown writes in a way that it feels like Non-Fiction, but definitely had me using Google a little much for my liking.

Since the arrival of my Kindle, the only books I keep in my house, actual books made of paper, that is, is the full series of Harry Potter books.  Yep, read them all and I do not care that these are considered books for kids to read.  Heck, I have all the DVDs to the movies, too.  I am a Harry Potter nerd ;)

Speaking of my Kindle and all the books that reside in there, I can say that out of, I don't know exactly, a hundred books or so.... just about every one of them are in the genre of romance.  Some good... some not so good.  Most I found for free, but purchased some from authors I really like.  I even have a couple of books written by friends of mine.  One is a Historical Romance and the other is a Mystery.  I am so proud of those friends of mine that have the talent and the drive to write an actual book.  I can read like a maniac, but I lack the traits to actually write a novel.

Now, here is the part that I get to explain my reasons for gravitating towards the genre of women's fiction/romance novels.

After a few bites of that bagel this morning, I realized that I read what I read because I do happen to lack those "warm fuzzies" a person gets from reading romance novels.  I like reading about how a person not feeling confident, become confident with a few kind words.  That journey to realization that happiness is in reach is what draws me in.  Yep, you read it here.... I lack the warm fuzzies!

My favorite authors in this genre are Kathleen Brooks, Jill Shalvis, Melanie Shawn, Susan Andersen, Kristan Higgins, and Jennifer Crusie.  Each author gives a little something that I would like to have in their writing.... small town charm, wit, humor, manners, respect, sensitivity, heart, and happy endings.  

Sure, it sounds sappy sharing these thoughts, but I have a life that lacks balance.  I have a tendency to go to extremes.... in everything.  When on a diet, I become very literal in the directions and refuse to step into those allowed gray areas like cheat days.  When I do... they turn into cheat months.  A quick cleaning of a room results in taking everything apart and meticulous scrutinizing of how it should look.  Sadly, that creates chaos in my closets when I have no clue where something should belong. And when it comes to relationships.... I end up being even more extreme.  If there is a trait I don't like, I switch gears and really focus on what I think will be acceptable.  While I have dated some quite romantic men in my life.... I focused on (and married) the least romantic person that has a wicked sense of humor because most of those romantic ones carried a large bag of insecurity with them ranging from control freak to clueless clinger.  A couple of them had a mean streak that concerned me and basically all of them lacked a sense of humor.  Sure, they had a few funny moments here and there, but they really lacked the ability to just laugh.  What I should have focused on is a person that was more balanced.  A person that has passion, but can be happy just being.  Oh, and one that is able to help out with housework wouldn't hurt, either.

Well, I can't really complain all that much because there are times that DH can be sweet.  In a recent purge of a room that I have been neglecting since I am at work more than I am not, I found a little note from him that I am planning on keeping... forever.  Not exactly sure when this was written and not exactly sure what he gave with the note (probably one of the two times he gave me flowers), but I guess I did alright with my choice.  Especially when I look at this note when he decides to be a thorn in my side to remind myself that even in extremes.... there is a little something that balances things out.  So.... in closing.... here is what that note said....

Hi.

I know your going thru tough times right now, and I'm not always there for you but I hope this will bring a little sunshine to your day.  

Love,

(DH)

Thanks for reading and have a great day!  May you find that something to balance your day :)

The peacemaker in me....

Being the youngest of my family does not exactly warrant the title of peacemaker.  That title usually goes to the middle child.  Sadly, when it comes to me.... I am apparently the exception to the rule.

Now, in my family that consists of my sisters and brother... I am not exactly a peacemaker in the truest sense of the term.  I am more like the child that gets to hang on the fringe.  I am helpful when needed and asked, but when it comes to trying to keep things on an even keel.... I am not that person.  Probably since we are all fully grown and have our days filled with our own obligations and responsibilities.  We were once a tight-knit family that made sure all the major holidays were spent with each other's company.  We also were that kind of family that always managed to call when a birthday arrived.  Heck, we all were keenly aware of how old our siblings were.  Not so much these days.  I believe the passing of my father was the final thread that kept us so tight-knit.  I do have to give my mom credit, though.  She is trying to hold the family together.  What is sad is that the vision of what we once were is considered less and less as time marches forward.  At least in the eyes of my siblings, and this is where I end up being the peacemaker....

My sisters are busy with their own spouses, work, and home life.  Can't blame them, really, but it appears that they just do not have the time to call just for the sake of saying "hi".  Same goes for my brother.  His life is apparently so topsy-turvy that the only times he calls is to talk to my daughter about an upcoming fishing trip, or if the proverbial baton is passed to me to step up more than my sisters in doing things that are family related.  Calls from my sisters don't add up to much, but I do hear from time to time that they will call me back later, but in all honesty... they don't.  Whatever was being discussed has long been forgotten.  It really does not bother me all that much.  I have come to accept my place on the fringe that is hiding in a dark corner.  It's all good.  It just bothers me when I get a call from mom about her getting basically the same treatment and how having her be left in that dark corner with me is affecting her.  At least she is not alone in the dark corner.  She has me.

In my own little family of DH, DD, and myself.... I AM THE PEACEMAKER.  DH and DD are sometimes like oil and water.  Neither understand each other.  You think that they would, since they are of the same stubborn mind.  Case in point: Recently, DH was complaining about the upstairs bathroom being a mess.  Since I don't really use that bathroom, I don't pay attention to how DD can be a one person whirlwind of a wrecking ball that lacks the ability to change out a toilet paper roll or empty out a garbage bin.  Sure, I do the cleaning around here, but with being at work more than I am not at work... it makes it even harder for me to keep up with the daily housecleaning requirements.  I can no longer follow my family with my arsenal of cleaning supplies.  I see it as if I can't get to it.... someone else can get to it for me.

Well, needless to say..... My outlook of having my family step up to help around the house is apparently a pipe dream.  I KNEW this would happen, but nobody here really listens to me anyway.  So.... after DH was complaining about the disastrous state of one of the two bathrooms in our little house, I took it upon myself to place to focus on cleaning it after I got home from work.  Figuring I was doing my job as peacemaker so that DH can be less of a thorn in everyone's side, I mentioned that I took care of the issue with the one bathroom after getting home from work.  Well, that just set him into a tirade!  He is demanding to know why I am cleaning a room that I did not mess up after working all day?  Huh.... interesting thought here.... I told him that since it bothered him so much, I took care of it because it needed to be done and nobody was stepping up to do it themselves.  Really, how hard is it to take care of something that is bothering you THAT much that it requires you to complain about it?  It shouldn't matter how it gets done, or even who does it.... what matters is that it is taken care of.  Since I already know that I enabled this behavior of my family, I only hoped that speaking my mind results in them realizing that it should be a team effort instead of it just being me taking on everything (as usual).  I was wrong, but I can still hope and pray it will change.  Just keeping the dream alive here.... one frazzled, non-confrontational step at a time.

Now, at work, I am also apparently a peacemaker.  I do my job and I do it well.  The constant professional that is always ready to be helpful.  Being short-staffed on multiple levels requires someone to step up and take care of things.  We have a shampoo assistant out for the past 2 months because of knee surgery, a boss still on the mend from her 4th surgery from the car accident that happened last year, co-workers that refuse to keep to their schedule, and an increase in demand to keep things going smoothly for the customer.  I have become a one woman crew in the salon I work at.  The shampoo assistant informed me that her return to work date has been pushed back again.  She thought she was going to be back in mid April.  Then it was beginning of May.  Now it is possibly the end of May.... maybe early June.  So with this person being M.I.A., I am doing her job and mine.  On Tuesdays, I am dealing with a fellow employee that really does not want to come to work, but calls in to make an excuse to not coming in to work.  When she is there, she is not focused and only stays an hour or two and then leaves.  Since it is just her and I on Tuesdays (because the other two stylists flat out REFUSE to follow a schedule, it ends up being only myself running the place on my own.  I shampoo, clean, make coffee, answer phones, do the laundry (towels), AND do the job I was hired for (hairdressing).  Basically, I earn commission on what my job is, but not an hourly wage for all the extras that should be covered by additional staff that is still not there.  I have considered leaving this place and going to rent someplace like those salon studios, but with this still being a rebuild of a client base from the last place I worked at.... I am not making enough to afford all the overhead that is required of being an individual contractor.  If I could, I would, since I feel like I am on my own so much.  My peacemaker abilities here are because my boss needs a reliable employee, and that appears to be me.

Now, with all this peacemaking..... I wonder why I don't feel like I can truly be at peace?  Is it because I take on too much and lose focus on what would make me happy?  Possibly.  But, with my days filled with avoiding the wrath of my families (home, work, and other), I really cannot focus on the one person that I should be focused on.... ME.  I should stop putting myself last, but I am starting to believe that all my enabling ways of being a peacemaker has put me in a position that I cannot stop.  Derailing this crazy train that is called life is not a good thing.  Definitely NOT a good thing.

Well, time to trudge forward and do a little more Spring cleaning in my house.  The room that houses my computer is a disaster and is in desperate need of a good purging.  Won't get it all done today, but I won't get all that much done if I sit here and floss my thoughts.  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

The requirement phenomenon....

In life, we all have requirements.  Well, more like expectations, but with these expectations, we are required to remain consistent.  Sure, there are times we can blur the line between expectation and requirement, but to what level has me thinking.  A simple example would be....  Being an adult and acting as one.

Being an adult has always been acknowledged by age, but sadly, not by mentality.  Why is that?  I know some teenagers that are more mature and adult-like than some adults I know.  Is it a personality trait?  Or is this some immature acts just a cry for attention?  I guess society may never know.

The reason for today's blog is because of a situation that I have been dealing with for a while now.  I work in a volatile environment.  Well, I believe everyone does.  Especially when there is more than one person involved.  Varying views of what is right and what is expected, or in this case, required, is where situations can go from bad to worse rather quickly.  It is known that a person can mask their indifference, but when the issue grows out of control, the devastation left behind is truly painful.  Here is my example....

Lets just say that there are at least a half dozen people that have hit their limit of irresponsible behavior.  Each complaint has an underlying childish reaction ranging from... making excuses to not come into work, to making accusations in a gossip like fashion.  Kind-of like creating cliques within the workplace.  Think of the childish behavior in high school hallways being reenacted by a group of people that happen to be seen as adults that have children and some that have grandchildren of their own.  The snubbing, the snide comments made behind the backs of people, the gossip.....  Heck, I understand the reason for these reactions, but when it happens with a group of adults that supposedly were responsible of teaching their children to have better behavior... it makes me wonder if these example setting adults were really being honest with their following generations.

Now, there is supposed to be a meeting of the minds when it comes to seeking a resolution to issues.  Problems are to be presented and a reasonable solution is to be created.  I just fear that when this meeting of the minds hits a brick wall when it appears that the immaturity quotient of the masses refuses to take responsibility of their own actions and places blame on the one person seen as the one in charge, but that one person has all their faith in their constituents that they are of a mature mind and should have resolved this issue without an argument.

Okay, okay, okay..... I tried to share this thought as nondescript as I could, but I feel that this is just missing the mark.  Instead of deleting what I have so far.... I am just going to plug forward in a more direct route.....

My workplace is a ticking time bomb!  Varying views of what is expected vs what is required is one big, HUGE detonator on a very unstable bomb.  The immature behavior of my coworkers in reaction to what is happening at the workplace is absolutely baffling!  Some people complaining that they are not making enough to pay their rent feel it making excuses to not come to work is an acceptable punishment to a business owner that cannot manage the business due to illness and/or injury, while the business owner is placing faith that their employees are mature enough to take responsibility all by themselves.  Others are so greedy that they are poaching clients that did not ask for them and do not care that their behavior is hurting the work environment, but has the ability to lie and deny their behavior. Oh, and the greediest one seems to have a champion in her corner.... the business owner!  Defending someone by believing in the lies is just business suicide!  What I happen to fear, because I am no longer immune to the insanity in the workplace, is that I am being sucked into the vortex with an express lane to the seventh ring of Hell.  Witnessing the greedy one, not once but TWICE, try to poach clients of mine in front of me is pushing me to act immaturely.  Witnessing the childish behavior of coworkers that claim to be not making enough to pay their rent, but can afford to go to concerts and shows, calling in sick on an almost daily basis as well as spread poor attitude when they are there.  The direct snubbing of coworkers with the act of a cold shoulder so cold..... wearing layers becomes mandatory when you come to work when there is more than just one employee present.  Threats of quitting hang heavy in the air, but no action has been taken.  The unprofessional or uncertain behavior of those that try to work within the chaos of an unstable workplace, seeking to find employees that prefer to not come to work when they are needed, to explaining to clients that they are needing to call them back because they cannot book appointments because the person they are seeking is completely unreliable, and the apologies when people are perpetually late for work.  Really, if there has been construction going on in your route to work and that makes you late.... change the route or leave earlier for work.  Sheesh!  This construction traffic has been going on for almost 2 years!  You have had plenty of time to figure how to get to work on time by now, right?  

WOW!  What a load off my chest spilling that out!  Sadly, I feel another wave coming on and I already fear that there is no solution for this one.  Especially, when some of the immaturity ridden people are right.  Without change, there is no progress.  Being constantly forced to conform to less can make an unstable work environment.  But how does an individual present the need for change when there is no budget to accommodate the necessary changes?  Hiring a manager should be a solution to keep the chaos at bay, but since the insanity is affecting the growth to afford change.... it is just another obstacle that cannot be solved within reason.... too high to climb over, too deep to tunnel under, and too wide to go around.  With zero power to push though it.... it concerns me what is going to happen next.

Now what?  No easy solutions.  Only more questions.

Sorry I am not being much help if you feel you are suffering from the same, or similar situation.  The only thing I can say is to never give up.  Challenges, obstacles and setbacks are building blocks to learning and growth.  Failure is really an opportunity to try again.  Success comes from the drive to move forward. And quitting is not exactly always the best option.  Best of luck and thanks for reading!

I can only guess....

Good afternoon!  Well, basically it is almost evening, but when the need to blog strikes.... it is best to just get it over with.  Let's begin... shall we?

Okay, I am not saying that life and work are perfect.  We just don't live in an ideal existence where what we want is there for the taking or even handed to us on a silver platter.  Life is hard, work takes effort, and the driving force to obtain what we seek takes determination.  With every aspect of life, it takes the desire to push yourself forward.  We take chances and hope for the best, but learn from the worst.  It boils down to adaptability.  Being able to adapt and accept change in order to grow.

I guess the reason I am sharing this thought brings me to remember a statement given to me years ago when I was in Cosmetology school.

"You are the maker of your own success story. Success does not just land in your lap with a pretty bow on it.  It takes effort, it takes patience, and it takes skill.  Skills can be taught, but only you can utilize your skills to create a successful career.  Without effort, patience and skill.... you will not succeed."

That statement (obviously, not verbatim), has been the mantra that has kept me level headed in my line of work.  Well, that and being a reasonable person.  I have close to 30 years experience in Cosmetology and have been a darn good hairdresser.  Sadly, I have also been the best kept secret for most of my clients, so my client base has not exactly been built upon referrals.  It has been built on satisfied clients.  What seems to miff me into a tizzy these days is the environment I have been working in for these past 10-12 years.  I just don't get it.... why is there fewer and fewer people with a strong work ethic?

Over the years, I have worked at various jobs.  Working in a hair salon has been my constant.  If I was not working full time at a salon, I was working part time.  I think it was in my 20's that I ventured away from full time hair salon work and went to part time while I worked in an office for the sheer purpose of having health insurance and a more steady paycheck.  Working in a hair salon is a feast or famine lifestyle.  There are times you are so busy, you forget to eat and there are times you are lacking things to do that you would rather be at home asleep than sitting at a salon waiting for a client to walk in.  In this line of work, especially in a commission based environment, you only earn from your billable services provided.  Meaning: if you are sitting around, doing nothing... you are earning nothing.  Thus, the concept of feast and famine.  It is rewarding work, but it takes a strong person to weather the highs and lows.  Sadly, some people lack the strength.  Here is what I mean....

I stayed at a salon for several years and struggled to make a paycheck that leaves me with some pocket money.  The environment was professional, but not in the same breath.  If you were not a huge money maker behind the chair, you are shuffled into the dark corner and forgotten when new opportunities arise.  Makes it really hard when your goal is to become one of the money making elite, but ending up being the chump change overflow person.  That person that always gets the out of town wedding parties that offer zero chance of getting any repeat business.  I know that being part time puts me at a disadvantage, but when your boss knows that you want to build up to a full time status and just doesn't seem to care.... well, then you can guess that achieving that goal is just as possible as digging a well with a pair of tweezers.  After several years of loyalty and determination to keep trying... I felt I had to seek a job elsewhere.  Sadly, the next place I went to work was just as dismal, but I was determined to keep trying.

Now, not to say that I hate my job, but I hate my situation is a fair assessment.  Going from one back-stabbing situation to another would make you scratch your head in disbelief that a person as smart as I am could do that, but here I am.... I have done it again.  Luckily, the situation does have potential to put me on more firm ground to build a new foundation of clients.  Since my last place of employment did not allow me to keep client records, I have basically started from ground zero all over again.  I am proud to say that I have managed to build a good starting point over this past year, but I am starting to tire of the childish antics that happen in the workplace and fear that it will affect my ability to grow as a professional.  Especially, when the childish antics are pushing me to react before thinking first.  Here is what I am getting at for today's blog post....

I can only guess that a person has a limit to how much effort is put out.  I work in an environment that should be filled with driven people that would work in a team-like fashion to not just support their fellow coworker, but to to encourage them to be the best that they can possibly be.... sadly, that is not the case.  I work in an environment that consists of people lacking the drive, lacking the passion, and in all honesty.... lacking the ability to be a cohesive team.  Some people choose to back-stab and poach clients, others choose to not bother coming in to work, while others have no staying power to weather the lows in client flow with late starts and early leaving.  Heck, some cannot commit to a schedule from week to week.  Tension is high as management is not exactly managing the situation.  Most likely due to becoming tired of constantly trying to wrangle the straying staff and letting them just sink or swim.  Sure, the opportunity to build a clientele is there.  Heck, I am proof positive of that.  It is the animosity that is affecting my attitude.  The dull tarnishing the shine of passion for what we do.  I just wonder.... when will things change in a positive way?  Will it be before or after rock bottom hits?  Will it ever happen if this train of destruction continues to pick up speed?  And how can we stop the damage from increasing?  Heck, how did this even start?

Is it possible that the lack of drive is from lack of consistency?  Is it from lack of passion?  Is it lack of management?  Is it just from exposure to those few toxic people that poison the environment?  Is it from the inability to change and grow?  I just cannot seem to get a finger on what is causing this in order to fix it, but is it really my job to fix it?  I am not a manager, I am not the owner, but I am the maker of my own success.  Does that qualify me to put in even more effort to fix this to help the others?  Or should I just focus on only my career and not bother with the business that hired me to be part of their non-team-like team?  If not.... then, how do I instill a positive work environment when the non-positive forces are prevailing?  I do know that in the past, I worked with people that lacked the drive to go beyond what what was expected.  Just meeting the basic requirement was good enough for them.  I, on the other hand, had a strong work ethic to go beyond the bare minimum.  Of course, when it came to growth in an office environment.... I was held back under the thumb of management because I did more than most and never sought out credit for it.  In fact, it made management look so good with minimal effort on their part, they just sat back and reaped the rewards.  Frustration seemed to take center stage with me and I ended up changing jobs in order to go up one rung of the corporate ladder.  When I finally landed in a field that I did well in, I was yet again bombarded with extra work from other departments to pick up their slack.  The stress pushed me into a continual battle with panic attacks and general anxiety disorder.  In order to get off the Xanax and see clearly, I had to leave what I thought was going to be my dream career and continue with my first passion of doing hair.  Sadly, recent events have been making me wonder if I can survive if I keep ending up in less than optimal mental health situations.  With the way the economy is.... I have no college degree with work experience in anything beyond being a Cosmetologist (also known as a hairdresser).  Sure, I could work in fast food, but even there has the less than driven people moseying around, doing the bare minimum.  I would love to be my own boss, but I do not have the capital to do so.  Heck, I am not even sure I want to deal with what I am dealing with on the level of being a business owner.  I just wish I knew why people are the way they are.  I also hope that things will get better for all.

Well, this little release of thought has helped a little.  Not much, since I have no solution to the problem that I really have no control over.  All I can control is myself, but in a way to accept or adapt to not let the environment get the best of me is going to be a challenge.  Thanks for reading!

To what end??

Good morning!  Quick blog entry before I leave for work.....

Question of the day:  TO WHAT END IS THE THRESHOLD FOR TOLERANCE??

There is a student at DD's school that has been openly transgender for a while.  Upon assumptions of many, rumor has it that the parents embraced their son's desire to become a girl.  Not all that sure why he would want to be a girl.  Being a girl in a basically male dominant world is tough.  Regardless of fighting for equality in pay and jobs, the traditional views of women being the weaker sex still prevails.  Being a woman, I can disagree on many levels with that assessment, but when it boils down to financial worth and career growth, there is a serious divide.  We, as women, have the potential to being stronger than out male counterparts.  The physical pain of a monthly menstrual cycle can put the strongest of men to their knees, as well as the pain of childbirth, puts women on top when it comes to pain tolerance.  Women work harder just to get the recognition they feel they deserve as well as the respect they desire.  Women, regardless of race, color, and creed, has always been a minority.  It has been the rule and there has not been an exception.  What makes me wonder is.... how can a person, born into what is seen as the majority desire to become a minority?  It is definitely not going to turn the tables and create a level the playing field.  As I said earlier.... a traditionally taught rule and not an exception.  In all honesty.... I have no qualms with differences.

More and more people are "coming out of the closet" with their less than traditional gender roles, sexual preferences, and whatnot.  I see it as something that I can accept.  If Bob wants to wear a dress and be called Sally...  Go for it!  If Jack and Joe are in love with each other and want to build a family... Knock yourself out!  Same goes for the Daisy and Meg lesbian couples out there.  Do what you want.... be who you want to be, but please, oh please....  Respect my personal space bubble.

Well, back to topic before I run late for work....  This transgender student has decided that a separate space in a girls locker room is not enough encroaching on personal space bubbles and is demanding to be allowed to be naked in a girl's locker room.  To shower and change with their apparent like-minded views, but here is the difference..... The transgender does not have the same physical appearance as the other girls. Definitely a HUGE line is being crossed in the respect of a person's personal space bubble.

After the latest school board meeting.... the school district fought as well as they could, but could not handle being denied federal funding for less fortunate families to get a quality education, and is allowing this transgender student the all access pass to the girl's locker room.  Yet again a screaming sign that the female gender has zero rights of their equality of respect to their own personal space bubble when a transgender boy gets his way and pushes girls to look at his life path.

So comforting to know that the rights of women are now being revoked at an even younger age.  These female students are minors and are now forced to embrace even less offered to them when it comes to THEIR rights for a safe haven to change for P.E. class.  I just wonder....  To what end is this world going to take away the rights to individuals that are not rocking the boat with shock and awe to what has been seen as the norm?  When will the madness end??

Gotta go to work.  Sorry I couldn't share more.  Especially, the other points of view that I have floating around in my head.  There is much more that needs to be said, so much needs to be figured out, just so much....

The color of glasses...

There has been a phrase that has been used that everyone seems to recognize and it has become a consuming thought I have had for the past few days.  That phrase is....

"Seeing the world through rose colored glasses"

A safe assumption, is that using the thought that rose colored glasses gives the person looking through them see life as something always positive in a sense that it is blind to other factors that are not so rosy.  I get it, but I have a hard time accepting that every aspect of life is on the up and up.  Especially, when being offered to try on other colors of glasses to look at the same situation in a different light.  Here is what I am thinking....

I have some friends, so cynical that it can be seen as pessimistic.  Call it, "the sky is falling" kind of mentality.  Everything is a conspiracy and everyone is out to get them.  Not one shred of proof will sway them to believe anything different.  I call that color of glasses.... gray.

Then, there are the friends that are so focused on one thing that it puts them in a category that can only be noted as having a severe case of blinder syndrome.  Better seen as tunnel vision.  I would say that their color of glasses would be black, but that would be an inaccurate way of describing that small opening in the center that sets a laser like focus on the one thing that they are focused on.  Simply put, there is another branch of black glasses that are so dark and impenetrable to seeing anything are those that choose to remain blissfully ignorant to what is happening around them.  Then, there are the ones with blue glasses that only focus on the sadness that surrounds them.  They feed off of mysery.  Sometimes mistaken for being too compassionate for the well being of others.  Of course, we cannot ignore the green glasses that highlight jealousy over everything around them.  The jealousy that they don't have what others have.  Then, there are the red glasses.  Red with anger at everything and nothing at all.  Just bitter at the world and always ready for a fight.  Yellow, rainbow, purple, and whatever color or pattern you choose can easily describe the beliefs swirling in their minds.  Simply put, it is the perceptions that people choose to grasp onto that makes them all individuals.

While I would love to say that I am one that prefers to wear clear glasses when looking at things, I have to admit that there have been times that I donned a pair, or two, that were not crystal clear.  I would like to see things in varying angles and in varying colors.  It makes life more interesting.  Sadly, my glasses have become a swirling mass of contradictions and colors because there has been far too much exposure to compelling arguments that do happen to have a leg to stand upon.  Here are my thoughts lately about a few things.....

Recently, Paris, France was attacked by a group of people disguised as refugees running from a horrific situation.  While my heart weeps for those that only want peace, my blood boils at the ability for someone with an ulterior motive to attack innocent people that are only trying to help.  Knowing that the obvious history of my family heritage states that my ancestors immigrated to the United States, I can only assume that their desire was not to run, but to embrace a new life in a new land.  Doing what they can to meld and mix with their new surroundings as a sign of respect for the customs, as well as the language.  What managed to bother me is how someone with an inability to embrace differences, places a literal and unsettling emphasis of something that not everyone can accept is a religion or faith, and lash out in such an evil manner.  While it is a freedom to choose your faith, it is not a right to inflict pain upon people that do not agree with you.  Innocent lives are at stake and I am sickened to the core.  I am fearful that regardless of what decisions are made to allow refugees to enter other countries with different customs, traditions, and beliefs.... life is now even more fragile now than it ever was.  If we were to strip all the faith, beliefs, and customs of people.... there would be nothing to be passionate about.  It does not exactly put the masses in a substantially safer situation, but it does change where the passion lies.  I am all for helping the innocent, but I am not willing to sacrifice my safety to my friends and family on the chance of welcoming a terrorist with open arms and the desire to be a compassionate humanitarian.  I wonder.... what color my glasses are with that statement?

On a more local note, there has been a major upheaval over gender equality.  In all honesty, I believe every person is to be treated with respect... equally.  What I have a problem with is forcing a situation as volatile as body image where it should not be forced.  You see, there is a boy at my daughter's school.  He believes that he is a woman trapped in a man's body.  His choice of clothing are what you would normally see on females, but what lies under the clothing is all male.  While I am okay with his desire to become what he believes is on the inside.... I have a serious issue with forcing my daughter the image of what is under their clothes in an environment that is already as stressful as it is..... the locker room.  A room where the outer layers of a person (clothing) are shed in front of others.  As history states, or in the eyes of most.... boys are to change clothes with boys and girls are to change clothes with girls.  I happen to be a firm believer in that.  While some will argue that gender discrimination does not exactly apply when a mother changes a baby boy's diaper, or a father changing a diaper to his baby girl.  Heck, it does not apply when a physician is doing their job and has to deal with the anatomy of the opposite sex.  Yes, it is just a body, but this situation can also be seen as something beyond the clinical.  While I cannot judge one family from the next... most families keep their unclothed bodies behind closed doors and is only shared with a person that they are comfortable with.  My husband does not run around the house naked, and neither do my daughter and I.  It is respect for not just ourselves, but respect of others to keep things to ourselves.  Do I have a problem with a boy thinking he is a girl?  Nope.  Do I have an issue with a boy being naked in a girl's locker room?  You betcha I do!  What you have under your clothes is none of my business, just as well as what you do behind closed doors (sexual orientation).  As long as it does not hurt anyone and respects the individual boundaries placed by others around them.... I have no qualms.  I just don't appreciate being forced to accept something that I don't need to see.  That is where I firmly believe in turning the other cheek, looking away, and not bothering to understand. Be who you are.... embrace it.  Just don't force me to embrace it.  I can accept, but not embrace.  Hmmm.... what color are my glasses now?

While I have more topics to share, I need to stop here.  All those swirling colors, tones and shades are muddying my view.  Time to get my day going.  I'll see what I can share another day, so stay tuned and thanks for reading.....

Never forgotten....

Everyone has a person, or people, that tend to invoke a plethora of memories.  WHEW!  Talk about cranking out the thesaurus for the big words today with that statement... ha ha ha!  Okay, okay, okay.... enough of the rambled and jumbled segues into other areas of thought today.

(Note to self: just get to the darn point and not scatter the blogging flow.)

Just the other day, it was Veterans Day.  A day to remember and reflect upon those that chose to make sacrifices for the greater good of the country.  I am pretty sure that everyone can think of at least one person that served time in the military.  It could be the Army, Navy, Air Force, or even the Marines  Their capacities can range from reservists to career military, from office work to fighting on the front lines.  It really does not matter what you choose to focus on, but we can safely say that there is at least one person you knew that served.  Some are graced with being brought back to their families alive, while some sadly, were not.  In the grand scheme of things.... war is Hell and only the truly strong of mind and body manage to survive the experience.  Not saying that those that were injured or killed were any less strong, but it takes a different kind of strength to overcome the brutality of war.

While taking the time to fondly remember people that have touched my life that happen to have been far braver and stronger that I could ever possibly be, I grasped onto a bit of information that was just presented to me over the past week or so before this day of remembering came about.  It was a service that I never got to see first hand that assists the injured, and not just the physically injured, either.  It is the journey from military experience to the experiences of non military life.  The mental anguish of seeing loss of life first hand and the insecurities of feeling safe.  Some may call it PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but others see it as trying to separate the bad from the good.  The bad, being the danger of war and the threats to life it possesses.  The good is waking up to see another day.  Sadly, even the knowledge of living another day can be hard on a person when someone close to them did not get blessed with that same fate.  Military families are just that.... families.  Their bond is beyond blood, but is in some ways connected through blood.  They stand tall and fight a good fight together.  Their connection is indescribable.  Witnessing the light leaving a fellow soldier's eyes is capable of knocking even the most physically strongest to their knees.  While I can go on with this descriptive thought (or perception in my opinion), I would be missing the point of this blog, so I will march on....

What I learned recently was at a fundraiser for assistance to our injured military.  Now, when I think of injured military, I think of those commercial ads that ask for donations to The Wounded Warrior Project.  You know the ones I am talking about, but if you don't.... it is for military personnel that lost an arm, leg, or suffer from a brain injury.  The visual scars of the dangers these brave men and women took.  What I did not seem to acknowledge were the ones that suffer mental scars.  It was not because I wasn't aware of what PTSD was, or even know what anxiety or depression are all about.  Believe me... I am fully aware.  I battle with anxiety on a daily basis.  I suffer with bouts of depression that make me cut myself off from social situations.  While I know that mental disorders are not visible to the naked eye, it was a curiosity that spurned me into looking at what is being done for these internally scarred warriors.  I found one of the answers at that fundraiser.  It is called Kare9.

Kare9 is a service that provides therapy dogs to assist in treating those hidden scars from war.  These dogs are trained to bring calm to the chaos and I met two of these angels just recently.  Their names are Flex and Susie.  Both are golden retrievers.  Understanding the way this service helps these selfless warriors is something I can truly appreciate.  As I stood and talked with their handlers, both are veterans, I did not realize that my stresses of the day earlier were easily seen by these two dogs.  Their calming presence was heightened when Flex leaned against my leg.  Just being close brought my hand to his fur and the calming sensation of softness and strength, eased my frazzled nerves.  You see, as I stated earlier, I battle with anxiety on an almost daily basis.  I have my good days, but I have my bad ones, too.  I do my best to keep moving, but there are times I just prefer to be left alone with nothing to do except read another book on my Kindle or play a game on my phone.  That day I met Flex and Susie, I was having one of those days that I wanted to go hide in my reading, but I left work to at least make an appearance of support to a cause that I believe in and that my older brother helps promote.  It's an annual thing and I haven't been there the previous year and I felt bad about that.  Doing my best to trudge over my little panic attacks for being farther than a 5 minute ride from home is what I did to make my appearance.  Needless to say.... Flex and his heightened ability to sense my discomfort did what he is trained to do and that just blew my mind... just a little.  Then, as the handler for Susie saw me sit down, Susie hopped onto my lap to let me give a much needed hug of thanks.  Tears were threatening to flow freely from my eyes at the intelligence and strength of purpose to bring calm to people.  That just totally blew my mind.

From battle lines in other countries to the struggles at home, it is rarely ever seen that dogs play such a strong role in both.  The silent and stoic creature that does their job, and does it well.  The respect that should be placed before them, never screamed from mountaintops, nor given a day of their own, but appreciated nonetheless.... I can say that I have another person, or better yet - a dog, to be thankful for and to never be forgotten.  From dogs that offer therapy, to dogs that sniff out danger, to dogs that take the very front of the battle lines.... Thank You!  You are now a permanent member of the list of people that offer good memories to recall upon when I need them.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!!