Just a random rant....

Yesterday, I had a moment and turned outward about an inward feeling.  I thought it would be a release, but apparently, it is a bad choice.  Well, not really.  I just made a poor judgement call about where and how.  

I learned something that I never thought was a requirement.... Censorship.

What do you think when you hear that word?  I think censorship is the ability to filter what is said into something that is non-offensive.  A kind of political correctness for the masses.  Censorship on television is where they block out visible body parts and bleep out profanity.  Little did I know, there is way more to this.  Apparently, I lack the ability to censor my thoughts correctly.  No, not censoring profanity, I am perfectly capable of doing that.  Profanity in me rarely comes out unless a colorful word is needed to express frustration when I think I have hit the end of my string, when I stub my toe, or to put a little 'oomph' in a joke or comment.  Sometimes my profanity filter is broke when I have a beer or two ;)

I spend quite a lot of time really thinking through what I say to people.  Especially when it is in the written word.  I try my hardest to not offend anyone and I try even harder to be as clear as possible when I say something.  After trying to seek the notion that I am not the only one on this planet that has let stress create a form of depression.  My attempt (as well thought out as I could muster) was wrong.  Words were twisted, complaints were placed and the obvious silence was my sign that I chose to share the wrong thing.

The lack of sociality on a social site should have been a huge red flag that being completely open and true to yourself is not the way to be...  That is.... Unless you can put a 'spin' on things.  

When it comes to expressing a person's feelings, the truth is not going to set you free.  You need to be able to make a joke of it, look at the bright side, or even put a little twist of sarcasm to the comment.  Apparently, I have no talent in that.  In fact, I lack what is considered social finesse when it comes to the written word.  My communication skills are terrible.  My timing is even worse.  Who in this world thinks it is a good idea to call their spouse at work when the feeling arrives to share a feeling or thought?  Maybe even forewarn them of an undesirable attitude that they will see once they get home?  Apparently, I thought it was a good idea.  Turns out to be really bad timing.  The result?  Getting my ear bent about bothering them at work over something that could wait until they get home....  Side effects from that experience?  Poor sleep and the overwhelming urge to go back in time and change it all.  Sure, taking a nap can fix the sleep deprivation, but turning back time is not an option.

So what is a person to do when they lack the ability to be socially correct?

I figured that a do-over is in order.  But in order to do a do-over, I need to apologize to everyone for everything.  Hopefully, reading this can be my formal apology so I can start anew or even let people know that my intentions were never to be a 'downer'.  I thought I was being.... me.  

It is no better time than the present to do a little soul searching and see where it takes me.  This should be an interesting ride...

Have a great day everyone!!