Just last night, I pondered the notion to go out and see some friends. While this group of people are quite fun to be around, there is something missing and that is my best friend that I think of more as my sister than anyone out there. While I miss her dearly, I decided to get my head out of reading yet another book and be a little more sociable. I made a good choice by going out to see friends and I had a great time. I just happened to need a little alone time with a beer to ponder how things have been lately and after leaving my friends, I ventured out to have a beer all alone. This is not a normal thing for me.... having a beer all alone, that is.... but I managed to learn something about myself by having that experience. While I do not suggest that people go and do something that is considered a social thing all alone, there is something that needed to be said about my experience.
I am a very sociable person. People seem to gravitate towards me. I have noticed on occasion that people feel compelled to share things with me without asking for it. I am not sure if it is a gift or if it is a curse, but I see myself as a fairly reasonable and honest person. I have taken pride that if a person is secure enough to ask me a question.... I will give a totally honest answer. Now, not all my answers are embraced as what they want to hear, but I do have a knack to diffuse the potential reaction that could pose as unfavorable. Probably because I answer them with a smile on my face after making sure that they really need the honest to God truth. While my honesty seems to be appreciated, I happened to notice that people tend to see my point of view in a reasonable light along with the observation that they believe that I am quite smart. I chuckle at the notion that I am smart, but I will admit that I am very observant. Just get a few beers in me and my filter to keep my observations under wraps is broken or severely malfunctioning. I have no ill will towards these people that I manage to observe in a less than favorable light, it does being across some questions that may pose as I am overly critical or insecure. The difference is in how I choose to perceive it.
Well, after leaving the BBQ/party at a friend's house, I headed off to a bar close to home to have one beer alone as a release of sorts. With my recent embracing of "I don't give a rat's furry behind" attitude, I still have moments of curiosity to why people act as they do. I guess it is more of a what are you thinking kind-of observation. As each action (or inaction) offers a result, it is the foundation of why we choose to act they way we do that has me thinking. As I decided to take a "breather" from the crowd inside the bar by stepping outside and embracing the much cooler weather that finally came along, I ended up talking to a couple of complete strangers. The tomboy in me seems to appeal to the male species more so than the female species. Probably because I appear in a very non-threatening way.... I am no longer in the singles scene and I do not appear needy for attention. You all know what I am talking about.... those people that overcompensate their appearance to get the attention of the opposite sex. I prefer comfort over fashion with my shorts and over-sized t-shirt. I do not wear heels and tight stuff when I am out and about. Gym shoes or a comfy pair of flip-flops are my style.... totally relaxed. Well, the conversation ended up being about really random stuff like... where is the best place to get a burger at that late of the hour and how the past week of sweltering heat was so brutal. Then, the conversation took a turn and one guy asked me how women seem to gravitate towards to the "bad boys" and leave the really nice ones in the dust. Probably because there was this "attractive", yet sleazy looking woman was hanging all over this really huge and scary looking biker dude in view of myself and this person that created the curiosity. While the biker dude was not scary looking in my eyes... he was quite tall, muscular and very tough looking, I did not seem to understand the problem this person had. Well, this guy really needed to know why he seemed to be left in the dust all the time and asked me for an honest answer (because I am a girl, you know), and I gave him this answer....
"Women gravitate towards the tough guy/bad boy because women (especially young and clueless ones), believe that they can change him."
As this guy looked shocked at my answer, I knew I had to clarify just a bit more. While men and women happen to have the same needs... it is the women that take a challenge to a completely different level. Men are more external while women are more prone to internal things. Men prefer more visual cues while women seek hidden vulnerability. If a woman can find a big, strong man that can be tough to the world, but vulnerable enough to share his feeling with only her.... she has accomplished the ultimate goal. Women are ones to never admit that they need a hero in their lives. We are a lot stronger than what most men give us credit for. In a very twisted view.... woman have the "hero complex" when they believe they can change a man for the better. Women seek not just love from a man, but lust. We want to be desired. No wonder why women get frustrated after the wooing stage of relationships Men are capable to be the right amount of challenge and the right amount of lust until they know that they have the love of the woman they seek, and will revert back to who they are once they reach a level of comfort (like a fuzzy pair of slippers or your favorite sweatpants) in a relationship. If the threat of a woman was to stray, men will either dole out more attention to their women or walk away. It all boils down to their need to have that woman in their life. Sadly, there is an ugly side to relationships. It is the comfort zone. Once a couple gets comfortable around each other.... the visual appearance changes. Women and men seem to lack focus on their personal appearance. Those cute outfits that women wear to snare the attention of a man get replaced with stuff you would normally see them wearing while doing the laundry. Men gain weight and let their muscle tone become replaced with a beer gut. If the relationship was based upon physical appearance instead of mental/emotional connection.... the relationship either dies or becomes an annoyance. The wandering eye starts to resurface or the need for beer goggles becomes stronger. I should know. This is what I am seeing in my marriage. While I am trying to return to the physical appearance where I felt most confident, I overcompensated elsewhere to feverishly try to get the attention that I feel is lacking in my life and failing miserably. I thought I had a more mental/emotional connection with DH, but I am starting to believe that he saw it as more physical/visual. Sadly, age is never a kind thing. Things will start to sag and wrinkle. While women tend to see beyond the surface, I have come to the conclusion that men prefer to keep their sights on only the surface of things. It is a rare few that look beyond the physical appearance and attach to the mental connection and remain happily together, but on average.... there is more that choose the exterior view than internal.
I decided that the discussion was good enough for the evening and excused myself to go home. I was getting tired. After my kind farewell, I got one thing out of the conversation..... a compliment that was not necessary and lacks foundation..... I was told that I am very smart. My reply was.... "No, I am not smart... I am observant. What I happened to have observed over the years is from opening my eyes and paying attention to details that people tend to overlook. What I learn does not make me smarter... it just helps me understand a little better a point of view. If I was truly smarter.... I would never experience life."
Isn't that what life is about? What we manage to learn through observation and experience is how we obtain the tools needed to survive?
Thanks for reading and have a great day everyone!!
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