Blogger's block.....

Good morning!  I am suffering a serious case of "blogger's block" today....  You know what I mean, right?  It is like "writer's block", except I am not writing a novel... just a blog.  So, in my finest effort of doing a little mental flossing, I figured I would let a few thoughts fly for today's blog....

My house is in utter chaos and I have zero motivation to do a darn thing about it, I am reading a book that holds no interest in it for me, but I am determined to read it anyway, and I am trying to get psyched up for yet another round of..."will I ever succeed at dieting and exercising", come the new year since I am seriously lacking the motivation to see myself fail at losing weight.  Nice double negative on that last thought, huh?  Oh heck, I could turn it around and make it sound like a double positive of succeeding at gaining weight, except I am a woman and being on a perpetual diet is ingrained in our DNA.  Salads are supposed to be our best friend, ya know.  Along with that cereal that looks like bird seed (and probably is) because of its health benefits, and chocolate being a curse word that should never be spoken (nor eaten)....  I am already seeing the loopholes my mind is trying to conjure up to sabotage my valiant efforts.  Sadly, after a round of Weight Watchers meetings, it has been drilled into my head what the nutritional value (along with its Weight Watchers "points" value), I am a walking and talking train wreck that needs to embrace the word "no" to everything that remotely tastes good and try to embrace the word "yes" to food that borders upon hospital grade paste; tasteless and supposedly good for you.  Just add in a few other factors of feeding a pair pf picky eaters and a budget so tight that it can choke a horse and there you have it.... a recipe for misery.  Oh sure, I can exercise off those poor choices of food, but I never saw myself as a hamster chained to an exercise wheel with a tasty tidbit of food dangling from a string, just out of my reach to keep me going.  I never really found much fun in that.  I am quite active with doing other things and sadly, according to the plethora of metaphors that describe my body shape, it is not enough.

Between the descriptive words that I could use to describe how I feel about my body...  I have to say the bakery comment of "muffin top" does not seem to motivate me all that much.  I thought that having a muffin once in a while was a good thing.  Apparently not.  The calorie count is staggering when it comes to my choice of what I like for a muffin.  By the way... it is blueberry if you are wondering.  Nope, the one metaphor that seems to have me realize that it is time to try again refers to flotation devises....  I happen to have a pair of water-wings and an inner-tube with a duck face on it across my middle.  I happen to be "top heavy" and I know it.... darn family trait, if you ask me.  Well, I know that the water-wings comment is stretching it a bit since my arms are really not that big, but I have a chest that seems to push my arms out like I do have water-wings on.

Just yesterday, while taking DD shopping to use her pile of gift cards (which she was completely thrilled to have because she just loves to shop), I weakened a little and took a look at what was on sale at the stores to see if there was anything I might like, too.  I guess I am quite funny when DD and the sales person asked me what my preferences were in clothes for myself.  I can only guess that they asked to kill the loathsome silence that was seeping from my pores.... I just hate shopping, and I hate buying myself things even more.  Of course, with my dry sarcasm and quick wit, along with some serious self-hate trapped in my bulging core, I said that it is very difficult to buy clothes for my body shape...  I have thin, muscular legs and arms, but a round core.  "Just picture an orange with toothpick arms and legs...  that is what I look like if I was forced to wear a full body suit", I said in a dry, self-deprecating tone to the sales person.  "Makes it hard to look cute when your shape is defined by a piece of fruit and shards of wood.  Just point me to the sporting goods section so I can select a tent and cut a few holes in it for my head and arms to pop through.  That should do the trick."

Apparently, that had a large group of people that were supposed to be minding their own business laughing.  Of course, I closed with the usual, "thank you very much, I will be here all week, tip your waitstaff and may I suggest that you try the veal... it is to die for."  Needless to say, I did purchase another pair of my "vanity jeans" and a peasant-style top.  If you are wondering what "vanity jeans" are... it is the one cut of jeans from Old Navy that have so much stretch in them that I need to buy a size smaller than what I usually wear.  I know, I know... I am pathetic that I base my happiness on a number, but I know that I am truly not alone in that thought process.  I guess that is why I would rather buy shoes than clothes.  I can say, without hesitation, that I wear a size 8 in shoes.  Everything else is a protected secret that would result in killing someone after telling them.  Same goes for my weight.  If I was not required to step on a scale every week (for which I have avoided for months) at my local weight watchers location, I would be up for murder on a weekly basis. This poor sap that pays a monthly fee and struggles with their notion that their plan is livable and works, has to let someone see the number on the scale.  Trust me... I could almost think... and I mean almost... I feel less violated in a TSA search at the airport.  Some things are just better left unknown to the public.

Oh well, I have to face the music, make a plan, and stick with it.  I am joining the masses when January 1st comes along.  Yep, a new start date for something I have been failing at for quite a while.... to lose weight, get a new habit that is called exercise at the gym, and make this a livable lifestyle.  Maybe I will just bring my latest book to the gym and chain myself to the treadmill.  They say that walking is good for the core muscles and I will lose weight in my trouble section.  I just wonder how much more thin my legs need to get to have that finally happen.  I am proud of mt few sit-ups that I do every day.... the ones that get me out of bed after sitting up to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.  As weight watchers meeting leaders (aka the food Nazi patrol) have told me... I need to move more and cleaning the chaos of my home is definitely going to take some moving to get there.  UGH!  I should have married a plastic surgeon!  At least he could just surgically make things better, but NO, I married a mechanic that might finally fix my truck that has had the check engine light that turns on and off at random times.... it has been a year of that going on and still nothing is getting fixed.  I can only guess he is waiting for it to be towed in to actually do something about it.

So in closing, thanks for caring enough to listen to me whine and vent... well, read about it anyway.  Sorry it is a pity-fest regarding my weight.  Have a great day everyone!