In just a week, DD becomes an official teenager... YIKES! I remember, like it was yesterday, holding that little bundle in my arms after 13 grueling hours of labor. Looking into that innocent face that swelled my heart with unconditional love, also brought on some serious anxiety. I wondered if I was truly ready to handle countless diaper changes, late night feedings, and the ever changing personality complex that having a baby consisted of. I realized that I did not have one child to care for, but two since DH refused to grow up. Part of the reason I married DH was his youthful outlook and laid-back attitude. He made me laugh, he was my best friend, and we got along quite well. I loved him dearly, and I still do regardless of what he does, or better yet, does not do. He is not high maintenance, but he happens to lack the romance gene and I figured that I could live with that. I just figured that time changes a person, usually for the better, and that since we were so alike.... we would always remain on that same page. Apparently not. I took on the parenting role and.... he did not change all that much. Don't get me wrong... he did grow up a little. Just not where I needed growth. With that being known... I learned to adapt and have managed to raise a pretty good kid in the process.
Going back to when DD was a baby... Wow, she sure is no longer that little bundle that I dressed, fed, and had attached to my hip at all times. Well, that beginning of getting my "parental" footing, I faced some challenges that I never thought I would experience. DD had, and still has, Reactive Airway Disease (RAD); a similar condition to Asthma. With allergies at a painfully young age; by 6 weeks of age she was intolerant of certain baby formulas, and by the age of 2 she was allergic to far more things (dogs, horses, trees, mold, weeds)... we spent a fair number of overnight stays in the hospital to get breathing treatments. After countless visits to the doctor, an allergist, and to other various specialists... we finally got everything under control by the time she was 7 years old. We had a German Shepherd at the time and we managed to keep the allergens down with frequent trips to the groomer and low dose allergy medications with inhalers. Once our dog passed... things got far easier and the stays in the hospital were far less. We attributed the most change after she had her tonsils removed. All the while, I would ask random other parents if babies get easier (since they had far older children in tow at the store), and was told that it would get far easier. I did not pay attention to the giggle and smile when they told me this as a deterrent to the real truth.... it gets easier in some aspects because children get a vocabulary to utilize and they start to gain a little independence... they did not mention that when a child gets older, the challenges get bigger and far more frustrating to the point that you will miss the easy life you had with the baby experience of feeding, burping and changing diapers because really... babies basically ate and slept. The worst challenges hit when a child becomes a teenager and hormones get out of whack.
When it comes down to handling a teenager.... I think I have better odds at nailing jello to a tree.
DD's mood swings from PMS is brutal! She refuses to spend time with her aging parents. When we try.... she turns into a loner and shuts us out. The complaints that her parents are weird and uncool are coming at a feverish pace. Her tone is quick and tense, the rolling of the eyes are in full swing, and the excuses are piling up to mountainous proportions to why she acts like she wants us to just disappear. Our weekly quality family time of going to church, the grocery store or anywhere that consists of us, as a family unit, to go to becomes a torture to her. She would rather lock herself in her room to keep us out of her line of vision, and to avoid actually talking to us in a civil tone. Nowadays, we are required to go into her room to get her full attention when meals are prepared, if there is a phone call for her, or to remind her to get ready to head out with us to go to the store, to church, or to the in-laws for a family gathering.
In all honesty, I would rather get my teeth pulled without Novocaine or Laser Eye surgery without anesthesia than deal with the 'tude from this 'lil dude. She is almost as tall as me, she borrows my shoes without asking and my jewelry is no longer safe in the jewelry box. Asking her to clean her room is like asking for a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun. DH is on his last nerve with her and I am trying to understand why things are this way. Trust me.... I have been trying and every attempt to keep the mother/daughter relationship strong has become weaker as each year has passed. Yep, I have entered that stage in life when your child hates you all the time, well except when they need something from you. Now I get to wait this out until she hits somewhere near 30 to finally realize that I am not as bad as she thinks. So, that gives me roughly 17 more years of this.... sigh. At least I have roughly 5 more years before she is off to college so she can hate me from a dorm room at the college of her choice.
It just makes me wonder.... how should I handle this phase? I have options, you know. I can keep pushing a bond that is obviously strained, I can confront the issue and demand better communication which will consist of excuses and sentence fragments that hold no valid reasoning, or I can be the duck and let everything roll off my back and let her come to me when she is really in a bind. Either way I look at this.... there is going to be some serious arguing that will happen. I just hope I can keep DH calm since he would be the first one to tell her to move out when she turns 18 if she does not like it at home and make it on her own. All he would ask for is a postcard when she gets to wherever she ends up. Other than that.... he would let her sink or swim on her own. I think that is because his father was the same way to him.
The way I see it... I think I need to change the recipe for the jello so I can actually nail it to a tree. I just wonder what is going to be the best recipe before all is lost. Sheesh! What I would give to really turn the clock back and just have a baby to contend with. I think sleepless nights to attend to feedings are quite easier than the upcoming sleepless nights when DD gets her drivers license and goes on actual dates. To those people that told me that raising a child gets easier when they get older... you liars... shame on you!!
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