Good morning! I am putting the finishing touches on the father/daughter adventure I have planned for DH and DD. If you have not read my previous blog entry, here is the Cliff's Notes version....
Got a call from DD's school with yet another mention that DD scored high on the test to determine if you suffer from depression. Isn't that great? She did not even study for that one and got high marks! (Obviously said in sarcasm, if you did not get that... I gotta be really clear with what I share with these days, so there is zero misunderstanding) After having a long conversation with the school counselor and pointed out some seriously obvious signs that this screening system is totally bunk, I either had an epiphany or a mental snap once I hung up the phone. I made the decision that I needed to fully reinforce the June Cleaver/Leave it to Beaver, Brady Bunch, and Ozzie and Harriet Show card.... Changes needed to be made at home to reflect a more classic family persona with family dinners at the table with all family members present as well as making it mandatory that DH and DD share at least one father/daughter adventure in order to bond. You see, DH prefers to treat DD more like a younger sibling with teasing and whatnot when he should be acting like her father. Who knows, this childish behavior is probably his way of showing affection towards DD and I, but I have had my fill of being the only adult in this house and I decided change is in order once I hung up the phone.
I had a talk with DH (a really harsh one about his behavior, basically reprimanding him like he is a child) and laid out my plan of action. Then, I had a long talk with DD about her behavior towards her father, as well as her behavior around me, and laid out the plan of action to her. There were to be no distractions during family meals, all meals are at the dining room table, and WE WERE TO TALK TO ONE ANOTHER!!
Well, the dinner thing/check your attitude plan was part one of the changes that were to happen in our home. The second part is improving the father/daughter bond.
Ever since DD was born, in fact, even before I married DH, I felt it was a reasonable thing to let DH decompress with friends at least once a week. Of course, before DH's little health scare, he took advantage of that by making it a daily thing and allow him to sleep the fun off over the weekend. Once he had his health scare, he scaled back the number of times he had a beer with his friends to only one night a week and that has been Friday nights. So far, so good, he has held that tradition, sadly with an iron fist, but he definitely dialed it back and I am happy for that. Rome was not built in a day and neither is changing a habit. Well, after DD was born, I decided to go back to work, part time, in a salon, just so I can keep my wits about me. I was at a point where I could understand baby babble better than actual speaking the English language and that was scaring me. Of course, this plan was not made without a secondary plan... I wanted DH to have the opportunity to step up as a father and take care of his daughter. At the beginning, it was easy since she slept all the time, but once she got older... I figured that DH would step up his game and actually do things or take his daughter places, but alas, I already knew what was going on. She spent the day sleeping off his beer and buddies night before while DD was left with the TV to entertain her. It upset me to no end, but if I was to quit my part time job to interact with society, then DH probably would have opted to be even more hung over and left all the child care for me to handle while he lounged around the house, not stepping up to being a father.
I was fortunate enough that my side of the family wanted to spend time with DD. In fact, my brother made (and kept) plans for him and her to do something. It was usually going fishing, but it was spending quality time making memories for her and I am ever so thankful for that. It was the sign that I was not raising DD alone when my family stepped up to help me. My in-laws, on the other hand, were too busy to fit us in their busy schedules. The credit goes to my mom and my big brother for making sure DD felt loved beyond her parents.... Thanks to them.... I have given DD a foundation of some good memories beyond being taken care of by me.
Well, with the knowledge that DH was never one to take DD out for an adventure or even create some kind of memory that could comfort her, I decided to take it upon myself to make it happen. DH has complained that it is too expensive to do anything and we are obviously too financially strapped to do anything beyond hang out at home, I took the money I earned, so far, from my subbing days at the local high school. Sadly, 4 paid hours after taxes is not much, but I took it and dedicated it to giving DH and DD something to do together.
I researched, on line, for fun things to do that do not cost much. In fact, I looked for free things to do, but what was offered as free still cost something, so I found a few options for them. I will be planning them to happen over the next few weekends while I am at work. This weekend is the first adventure.
I prepaid for their tickets to a 5D movie experience. What is 5D, you ask? Simple.... It is a 3D movie you watch with moving chairs, wind machines, and whatnot to make the viewer actually feel the experience. It is only a 30 minute experience, but it sounds like a load of fun for them. Then, I got them a gift card to a restaurant for their lunch. You see, I took that $40 paycheck and turned it into lunch and a short movie for DD and DH to share experiencing. It is not an all day excursion, but a couple of hours of solid one-on-one time. I typed my instructional letter and placed it in an envelope for DH to open tomorrow while I am away at work. DD knows about this and I told her to keep at him to follow my instructions to the letter. Once I get home, make dinner and have everyone at the table together, I will get to hear all about their adventure.
Trust me.... it sounds way better than the usual... "Oh, nothing happened here while you were away, Mom." if I get to hear that they actually went somewhere and did something. Of course, it also proves to DH that it does not need to break the bank to create a memory.
I have a couple more ideas up my sleeve and one I will be participating in it and that is going to a learning zoo in a town roughly 30 minutes away by car from our home. Entrance fee is $5 for adults and free for kids under the age of 17. It is not a large venue like the bigger zoos near Chicago, but I see it as an experience nonetheless. The other will take some saving up to to, but with Christmas being right around the corner, I know I will see an increase in my paycheck with the increase in work. Yep, being strictly on commission is hard, with that feast/famine aspect, but I believe I can afford to get them to an indoor go-kart track as well as maybe supply them with a few games of laser tag. Once DH finally sees that it is possible to do things without breaking the bank, he just might realize that I am not all that stupid and could fix some of the other problems we have here. I swear, giving him that "big boy pill" when it came to the bills backfired when he turned into a total miser, but if he would listen to me.... he might see that what we have is actually workable and not so miserable.
Once I get these plans in action, there will probably be more, but this is a good start. So far, the sitting at the table plan is working quite well and the animosity is less here. There is so much work that is needed to be done and I am determined to at least try. Lets just hope that my efforts change DD's tendency to be so drama filled that she does not score all that high on future depression screenings since our family is starting to coalesce as a team that can work together.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!!
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