Selective hearing?

Good morning!  Well, as good as it has potential to be, right?

I yet again spent the evening on the couch.  I was awake before my family... AGAIN.  Heating pad finally cooling off from a round of heat-related therapy and the effects of a dose of pain reliever finally taking it's course.

DH wakes up at his regular time.  He grabs his clean clothes for the day and ventures off to the bathroom to take his shower.  He spots me on the couch, remote in hand and the early news playing on the television.  Only one word crosses his lips.... "Broken?"

"Yep, broken." is my reply.

He goes into the bathroom, takes his shower, gets dressed and walks out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth...  obviously itching to ask me again the same question he does every morning....  "Broken again?  Why broken again?"

I correct him about his statement/question....  "I am broken all the time.  Not just again.  I just do my best to deal with it.  My once go-to for relief has been taken away when we changed insurance carriers six months ago.  Since our new healthcare coverage does not cover chiropractic care, I am doing all that I can to manage the pain on my own.  We can no longer afford to see my chiropractor, and he is not in network with our new coverage plan.  Heck, with our new coverage plan....  there is no chiropractic coverage to even venture out to see one that might be in network.  We would be responsible for 100% of the bill until we exhaust our deductible AND out of pocket expenses, that is, if anything can be counted towards our deductible.  We just cannot afford it either way anymore.  Believe me... I have checked.  I cried when I got the information, but I am determined to deal with the pain the best that I can and to not burden you with my pain."

Obviously, DH had nothing to say because he has been getting the same answer for months.  This is the usual, regular occurrence in this house at 6:00 in the morning.  Now, it is not as consistent as this may appear.  There are times I actually get a break and can sleep in my bed throughout the night.  The only thing I get as a reward for sleeping through the night in my bed is the agonizing stiffness that has potential to bring me to my knees, that is, if I could bend.

What makes me wonder is.... why the selective hearing?  I have told him repeatedly this tale of woe and there is obviously no solution, no empathy/sympathy (of which, I would get tired of hearing eventually), and no offer of assistance around here.  I do so much around here and if I could just get a little willing assistance to ease the burden....  I would be over the moon!  So why does he need to ask the same question over and over again?!  That is where I assume it is a severe case of selective hearing.

I understand that DH is under a lot of pressure these days.  Heck, I have not seen him get a break, either.  I have willingly done more than others in order to make his life a little easier when he comes home after a long day at work.  I would have hoped that he could see my efforts and at least appreciated them for what they are.  It is not like I look for constant accolades for what I accomplish in a day, but maybe.... just maybe... there would be a little offer here and there to help without complaining about it.  Heck, if I cannot get something done that he wants done, I get attitude, eye rolling, and the audible sighs that make my skin crawl with guilt when he handles it on his own.  I am only one person, darn it, and I cannot do everything all. the. time!  Here is what I mean....

Just last week, we got a little snow.  A little less than an inch.  It was frigid cold and my back was having spasms all day.  My sciatic nerve was raw to the point that walking caused my hip to give way when I tried to walk.  Heck, both hips were screaming in pain and that pain shot in both directions, up and down my backside.  It hurt to stand, sit, lay down.... and move.  I did what I could inside the house with frequent breaks and had dinner on the table waiting for his return home from work.  Dishes from the previous day finally done because I just do not have the stamina to stand hunched over the sink.  I even managed to get basically all the dishes washed from the current day's meal done.  With the exception of what what holding dinner in... I thought I did pretty darn good.  The only thing I did not do was shovel the driveway and sidewalk.  I figured that less than an inch was not exactly that important to clear away immediately.  I WAS WRONG!

DH came barreling through the front door with a chip the size of Texas on it.  Snapping at me that he cannot get a moment to sit down and relax after work because there is shoveling that needs to be done and it appears that nobody cared enough to do this before he came home.  Basically, telling me that I am living the comfortable life eating bon-bons on the couch and spending his money.  That assessment is so far from the truth that it is laughable.  I AM NOT A TROPHY WIFE!!  I know it, but apparently DH thinks I live the trophy wife lifestyle while he is away at work and shoves it in my face that I just cannot understand his situation.  Trust me.... I DO, but I am treated as I am a moron.

I tell him to sit down and eat his dinner.  I grabbed my coat and struggled to put my boots on and he barrels out the door, muttering that he has this.  I already know that a big fight is brewing and I went outside to at least help clear the snow with him, knowing that I will physically pay for it in the end.  I got a clipped 'thank you for your help', once we got inside, but the silent treatment for the rest of the night.  I cried myself to sleep with a prayer on my lips for the pain in my back to stop.

Well, we got some more snow yesterday.  A little over an inch.  I knew I did not want a repeat performance from last week, so I made dinner, did the dishes, and tackled the snow removal on my own before DH was to come home.  I popped some extra pain reliever and moseyed to the couch with the heating pad for my back after he got home.  I fell asleep there and was up before DH got ready for work.  Yep, the pain reliever stopped working, so I was up with the remote again tuned into the morning news.  Yet again, I get the same question from him and still nothing for my efforts.  I can say that my only reward is that he did not have a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas when he came home last night, so I did good.

Well, that is all the sitting I can handle to write this blog to share.  I have things to do and only so much time to accomplish them.  I have carpets to clean, laundry to wash, and such.  Family is coming over next week and with this limited stamina I have going on.... I can only hope I can accomplish it all before they come over.

Thanks for reading and have a nice day.