Ever notice when people do silly things (or even annoying things) to another person, it basically means that they are giving you some attention? Remember as kids when you went running to your mom with a story regarding how frustrating and annoying some kid has been towards you and the response always was... "they are teasing you because they like you."? Well, apparently there is loads of love in my home. DH and DD taunt and tease each other all day. From the moment they open their eyes until the moment they go to sleep. I, on the other hand, choose to be the silent observer of their antics. Between DD's growling at her father in frustration, and DH's "never say die nor even quit when you are asked to" mentality... it feels like I have 2 children to raise instead of one. I do have to admit, DH does have the upper hand in the taunting game, but DD sure is getting better at taunting him back. While DD complains to me about her father's antics, I giggle and give her the same story my mom gave me.... "he teases you because he loves you, my dear."
I am not sure if it is feeling like I am left out of this taunting "loop" that DH and DD has, but I took a stab at just some playful antics to the both of them. Well, here is my findings.....
DD gets a little playful teasing from me and she decides to go hide in her room. DH gets bent and tells me in the most sternest of tone to quit it. Suddenly, it is like a force that cannot be reckoned with made my family go to opposite corners of the house.
Feeling a little sting of hurt from DH's inability to play this silly game with me, I go and hide in the room where my computer sits to type this. As I ponder the thought that maybe what is considered love towards me is not allowed to have any fun attached to it. Being shrugged off like an itchy sweater really hurts, but I just cannot let this get the best of me. I have had worse happen in my life, so this should be easy, right? Apparently not. Maybe I am too sensitive to this little slam to my feelings. It is not like we really do all that much together anyway.
As resentment sets in, I start seeing other little cracks in what I see as a solid family unit. As I try to avoid comparing my life towards the lives of others, I just can't seem to stop feeling like I am appreciated less and less. Those warm and fuzzy feelings of being loved seem to be gone and the realization that I am just a roommate to DH and that annoying "fly in the ointment" to DD. While I tried to pride myself on not needing all that sappy romantic stuff, I realized that I would like it from time to time. Simple little things that show me that I am truly loved beyond that level of respect that is demanded. I sometimes get a little here and there, but it is the predictable kind that I already know about. That kiss goodbye from DH as he leaves for work, the hug from DD when she wants something, and the gifts of cards on Mother's Day and my Birthday. There are no surprises in my life here. I have had a few scary moments, but nothing that has ever been done on some random day "just because". Even this past Christmas felt more like an obligation than a desire. I can only guess that passion loses its luster as time goes on, but there are a few stories of how a couple that has remained together for 50 years or more can still have a glimmer of passion still burning. Heck, I see this old couple that walks around the neighborhood together holding hands, but when DH and I do the same, we are only walking next to each other.... no hand holding here. Just those simple things that we have taken for granted seem to lack the gleam that passion offers when it becomes mechanical and expected.
Maybe that is why people seem to go in other directions. While DH and I have no reason to part ways, I do see this strain in how we coexist. One obviously wants to see growth or more out of this union while the other is perfectly happy with less. Obviously the one seeking more is me. With DH's retort at my playful nature by touching his knee, I definitely felt the sting of rejection. Even explaining my actions after being told to "quit it", there was no remorse at my feelings being hurt. Well, chances are he did not see me look hurt. I do not like to cry in front of people and I sure as heck did not tell him that he hurt my feelings. Holding dear to my father's words that showing too much emotion is a sign of weakness, I ran to the computer to blog. Yep, I have been getting better at handling things when I take the time to write my feelings.... so look at me, dad. I am being strong like you told me to be. I sure do miss ya. You always had the best advise and I know you would know what to do about this. Chances are, you would do something about this. Albeit a joke or going behind my back to speak for me... I know that you would catch me as I fall.
I wonder... is this what "I love you, but not that way" is? I believe my family loves me... I think. Just not enough to let me play along.
Oh well, off to make dinner and get this day over with. I am running out of things to do on the computer.....
Thanks for reading...
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
The humble servant....
Recently, in the news, there has been some serious discussion over what is considered a job. A current contender for the prestigious title of President of the United States happens to place very high regard about what his wife believes in. Yes, Mitt Romney, a family man with determination to show people that he is the better choice of candidate to possibly defeat the current president, Barack Obama. When it comes to faith, I am not all that familiar with what a Mormon is, but his foundation of family does seem to take center stage. Recently, Mr. Romney's wife has been scrutinized for her choice to be a full time mother to their 5 children (all of which are now fully grown and have families of their own). It makes me wonder how a person can state that being a caregiver is not a job... Apparently, this person has failed to see that there are plenty of people paying for someone else to raise their children while they are off handling their career. While in the grand scheme of it all, not being paid for what you do is technically not a job, but the rewards are far greater. Not everything needs to have a pay scale attached to it.
I happen to be a full time mother. Yes, while my daughter is no longer a baby, I still care for her. I am more than just the woman that gave birth to her that gave me the name of "mom". I am her confidant, I am her protector, I am her teacher and I am her friend. There are things a school does not teach. While what I have managed to teach her does not necessarily demand a pat on the back, it is about instilling confidence where the educational system cannot focus on. It is those small details that get one-on-one attention that helps my daughter thrive. As time marches forward, my daughter is maturing the way that I see fit. Without raising a hand, I instilled respect in her. While the trust issue remains a work in progress, I am proud of who my daughter has become. Besides offering a safe environment for her, we as her parents, are comforted that she is in the best care possible (getting the attention she needs and deserves). Yes, it would be quite easy to pay for someone else to raise our child, it is a choice to become the unpaid humble servant. The reward I get for this job that people think is not a job??? Being an intricate person in DD's life that she can rely upon completely. I get to witness all her milestones that have memories that nobody could ever place a price tag upon them. While there is no substantial income to the financial obligation a family needs, we do manage with a strong budget in place. Life is just not all about what you have in the bank, it is about the quality you put into it. Materialistic items do not offer love, it is people.
Yes, while the family budget is being put to the test with a struggling economy, I would love to participate in something that offers a little more breathing room when it comes to money. I just happen to place a higher value upon my family because I choose to. Yes, it was an agreement between DH and I to take on the parenting role for our family. You can call it tradition, but that is how we were raised as children. Now, if the situation was different, I fully understand seeing people returning to work while someone else raises their child or children. I have no doubt that once DD is just a little older, trusted a little more, and is solid in what independent responsibilities are to be safely self-sufficient... I will do more outside the home when it comes to work. For now... my part time job is just fine.
As for Mrs. Romney still not working.... She actually is. She supports her family to this day by being the rock that they can rely upon. Still not paid or appreciated beyond the family fold, she supports her husband's campaign, she spends time with her children and grandchildren. Regardless of how times have always been tough, it is our parents that made the sacrifices for their children. Albeit staying at home or working somewhere else, they are the humble servants to those that matter, and being judged upon their choices from others that refuse to see the reason behind the choices is just toxic words. Yet another person judging where there should be none. Everyone is different, their situation is different and comparing those people to you will always create resentment. Even if you think you are offering advise.
Well, of to do my humbling work on the home-front. It is not always noticed, but it is appreciated. Even without a word spoken, I know it is appreciated.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
This is probably all my fault....
Question.... Is it some genetic mutation that men happen to have that turns them into tunnel vision maniacs or is it just a rare condition that I happened to get married to?
DH happens to have these very random moments of being painfully focused on only one thing. Here are some examples of what I mean....
Misplaced license plate stickers, new projects that never get finished, last minute paperwork that needs to be submitted to the accountant, and misplaced tools. All of which he brings upon himself, but manages to blame me for something.
While he searches frantically, he trashes the house to where I am required to clean up after him. Believe me... he has potential to be worse than a stage 5 hurricane.
Recently, after the weekly shopping trip, I did not notice that one of his snacks did not make it to a bag that was brought home. After 3 days of no interest in his apparently "missing snack", he felt compelled to search for it after he ate his lunch. Searching high and low with a temper tantrum to boot, he leaves spilled tea on the floor and my kitchen turned upside down to grab yet another snack he chose for the week. With a pout on his face and that darn tone that sets my nerves on edge, I get the ultimatum that where we are going for the weekly shopping is a "junky place" because that location lacks his choice of seeds to much on (of which I am still vacuuming up a month later) and his favorite cheese cut in cubes. That this recent sin of all sins when it came to not having his Frito's chili and cheese chips was the final straw. After buying all that we needed for Easter (of which I bought most of it out of my tip money from work), the weekly total was still $40 more than we usually spend... "they are just too expensive to make mistakes so terrible as to not giving him his darn chips.", he says. Has it ever crossed his mind that where we go has the best selection, the most competitive prices and everything we actually need (minus his weird snack demands)? Just the cost of our regular staples guarantees us that our weekly bill stays in check and that is without coupons. Just because Easter was hosted at our home, our bill was a little higher than usual.... he claims that they are expensive. Feeding 3 people will cost less compared to feeding 13 people. Apparently not. His tunnel vision seems to not take into account that the world is bigger than just our home and there are more people than just him out there. Nope, he just trashes the house, spills tea on the floor, accuses me of stealing his chips, blames me that my cleaning abilities messes up his system to where his stuff is to remain (even when we have company coming over), and blames the store for losing his snack. Talk about a drama queen!
While I do tend to cater to him as well as our family, I do this because I care. Well, I also hate drama and overacted drama at that. I am a non-confrontational person at this age. In my youth, I would have done less and demanded more out of the concept of teamwork. You see, I did not notice that his chips were missing when I put the groceries away. Monitoring his snacks is not important to me. Feeding the family healthy meals is. Since I did not notice the discrepancy right away, I get pummeled with his tunnel vision, drama queen, pouty child antics 3 days later. I at least went back to the store with the receipt in hand to rectify the situation. The service department understood me and allowed me to get another bag of his chips to take home. Returning home, PMS strikes and I handed him his chips and said sarcastically, "here is your f-ing chips... is everything now all good and perfect in your world?" With a response of "yes, and I am sorry I spilled my tea on the floor that you cleaned up". (I gotta just love PMS... that gave me the gusto to speak my mind while handing him his chips because I would have said nothing otherwise). With everything right in his world, I wonder when he will dig into those things. Eh, probably not for a few more days. His tunnel vision has been restored back to normal vision. Chances are, he is thinking about what he should have tunnel vision on next.... Oh joy!
Well, off to get the laundry done. Have a good day!
DH happens to have these very random moments of being painfully focused on only one thing. Here are some examples of what I mean....
Misplaced license plate stickers, new projects that never get finished, last minute paperwork that needs to be submitted to the accountant, and misplaced tools. All of which he brings upon himself, but manages to blame me for something.
While he searches frantically, he trashes the house to where I am required to clean up after him. Believe me... he has potential to be worse than a stage 5 hurricane.
Recently, after the weekly shopping trip, I did not notice that one of his snacks did not make it to a bag that was brought home. After 3 days of no interest in his apparently "missing snack", he felt compelled to search for it after he ate his lunch. Searching high and low with a temper tantrum to boot, he leaves spilled tea on the floor and my kitchen turned upside down to grab yet another snack he chose for the week. With a pout on his face and that darn tone that sets my nerves on edge, I get the ultimatum that where we are going for the weekly shopping is a "junky place" because that location lacks his choice of seeds to much on (of which I am still vacuuming up a month later) and his favorite cheese cut in cubes. That this recent sin of all sins when it came to not having his Frito's chili and cheese chips was the final straw. After buying all that we needed for Easter (of which I bought most of it out of my tip money from work), the weekly total was still $40 more than we usually spend... "they are just too expensive to make mistakes so terrible as to not giving him his darn chips.", he says. Has it ever crossed his mind that where we go has the best selection, the most competitive prices and everything we actually need (minus his weird snack demands)? Just the cost of our regular staples guarantees us that our weekly bill stays in check and that is without coupons. Just because Easter was hosted at our home, our bill was a little higher than usual.... he claims that they are expensive. Feeding 3 people will cost less compared to feeding 13 people. Apparently not. His tunnel vision seems to not take into account that the world is bigger than just our home and there are more people than just him out there. Nope, he just trashes the house, spills tea on the floor, accuses me of stealing his chips, blames me that my cleaning abilities messes up his system to where his stuff is to remain (even when we have company coming over), and blames the store for losing his snack. Talk about a drama queen!
While I do tend to cater to him as well as our family, I do this because I care. Well, I also hate drama and overacted drama at that. I am a non-confrontational person at this age. In my youth, I would have done less and demanded more out of the concept of teamwork. You see, I did not notice that his chips were missing when I put the groceries away. Monitoring his snacks is not important to me. Feeding the family healthy meals is. Since I did not notice the discrepancy right away, I get pummeled with his tunnel vision, drama queen, pouty child antics 3 days later. I at least went back to the store with the receipt in hand to rectify the situation. The service department understood me and allowed me to get another bag of his chips to take home. Returning home, PMS strikes and I handed him his chips and said sarcastically, "here is your f-ing chips... is everything now all good and perfect in your world?" With a response of "yes, and I am sorry I spilled my tea on the floor that you cleaned up". (I gotta just love PMS... that gave me the gusto to speak my mind while handing him his chips because I would have said nothing otherwise). With everything right in his world, I wonder when he will dig into those things. Eh, probably not for a few more days. His tunnel vision has been restored back to normal vision. Chances are, he is thinking about what he should have tunnel vision on next.... Oh joy!
Well, off to get the laundry done. Have a good day!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Doctor mom gets gassed.....
Good morning. This past Easter weekend went very well and I was quite pleased about that. There was plenty of food, loads of laughs, and the cup of kindness seemed to be overflowing. That was a welcoming surprise in my world.... believe me.
I just should have known better when it came to planning this event. While there was plenty of good food for everyone, we did have a fair amount of leftovers to contend with. Last night was "leftover night". Getting in roughly one of possibly two more meals out of the way sure made my life in the kitchen a bit easier. Not needing to cook once in a while is quite nice. I just happened to overdo the dyed egg situation. Guessing that people would chomp down somewhere between 2 to 3 eggs, I figured that I made enough when I boiled and dyed 36 eggs. Little did I figure that with all the other food, the odds of everyone eating an egg or two (or three) would become actually possible. It was not. Loaded with boiled eggs, DH decides to partake on eating a few on a full stomach last night. Apparently, that was the final straw to his digestive tract and got him to wake me (Doctor Mom) at 2:00 this morning with a request to find something to cure his raging case of heartburn.
As I wander around, looking for the new package of antacids in a sleep induced haze, I find them, give him one and accidentally gave DH a little "elbow to the stomach". That lovely gas-bag let one rip that I swear was a green fog in the shape of a skull and crossbones. "OMGoodness!! What died in your colon?", is what I blurt out (loudly, may I add, in my nice and quiet home). DH giggles and says, "I guess it is from those few eggs I had after dinner... egg farts".
Realizing that this is going to be my fate if I return to bed, I opted for the couch. Sore back and lack of restful sleep, I was greeted with a smiling husband that shared that he had the best sleep after I gave him the antacid in the middle of the night. Glad to hear he got some sleep. As for me... in my lack of true sleep haze, I chose to sleep just mere feet away from his gas cloud of death with a can of air freshener in my grasp. Fear of sharing a blanket with him from a previous flatulence experience, I was smart enough to take the lesser of the two evils.
There was this one time, DH rolled over in his sleep after a night of White Castle cheeseburgers. If you are not familiar with White Castle burgers, you are darn lucky. These little mini burgers coined as "sliders" do just that.... slide in just about as fast as they slide out. Cooked/steamed on a bed of chopped onions, this little square of meat (if you want to call it meat) gives people gas like they ate a gallon of beans. Well, needless to say when DH rolled over, he filled the area under the blanket we shared with putrid gas. Forgetting that there was someone else in the bed with him, he lifted the blanket to either admire the stench or share his current achievement with me, but as he laid there silently in the dark, he hears my reaction to a stench that woke me up from a dead sleep and starts to laugh. From that day forward, I kept a bottle of air freshener on my nightstand for occurrences like that.
I just was not up to hearing his complaints of the scent of lavender trying feverishly to kill the "unkill-able" stench if it was to most likely happen again. Believe me... Febreeze has met its match, and Febreeze has failed. Lysol never worked, tried Oust and even a few other brands claiming that they remove unwanted odors. All a person can do is open a window and hope for the best. I believe I have destroyed nasal receptors over the years from exposure, but I do like to sleep without the scent of death floating around. Choosing the couch was the better choice, but with left over eggs to be eaten.... I just might have to move out for a while... just kidding.... well, maybe not ;)
With is appreciation of my help in allowing comfort for him to get some decent rest, my reply was a growl of "you're welcome" and "be sure to share that gross bodily function with the guys at the garage".... These guys like to gross each out for entertainment.
Well, off to do what I do. Hope I offered a little laugh in your day. Have a wonderful say everybody, and thanks for reading.....
I just should have known better when it came to planning this event. While there was plenty of good food for everyone, we did have a fair amount of leftovers to contend with. Last night was "leftover night". Getting in roughly one of possibly two more meals out of the way sure made my life in the kitchen a bit easier. Not needing to cook once in a while is quite nice. I just happened to overdo the dyed egg situation. Guessing that people would chomp down somewhere between 2 to 3 eggs, I figured that I made enough when I boiled and dyed 36 eggs. Little did I figure that with all the other food, the odds of everyone eating an egg or two (or three) would become actually possible. It was not. Loaded with boiled eggs, DH decides to partake on eating a few on a full stomach last night. Apparently, that was the final straw to his digestive tract and got him to wake me (Doctor Mom) at 2:00 this morning with a request to find something to cure his raging case of heartburn.
As I wander around, looking for the new package of antacids in a sleep induced haze, I find them, give him one and accidentally gave DH a little "elbow to the stomach". That lovely gas-bag let one rip that I swear was a green fog in the shape of a skull and crossbones. "OMGoodness!! What died in your colon?", is what I blurt out (loudly, may I add, in my nice and quiet home). DH giggles and says, "I guess it is from those few eggs I had after dinner... egg farts".
Realizing that this is going to be my fate if I return to bed, I opted for the couch. Sore back and lack of restful sleep, I was greeted with a smiling husband that shared that he had the best sleep after I gave him the antacid in the middle of the night. Glad to hear he got some sleep. As for me... in my lack of true sleep haze, I chose to sleep just mere feet away from his gas cloud of death with a can of air freshener in my grasp. Fear of sharing a blanket with him from a previous flatulence experience, I was smart enough to take the lesser of the two evils.
There was this one time, DH rolled over in his sleep after a night of White Castle cheeseburgers. If you are not familiar with White Castle burgers, you are darn lucky. These little mini burgers coined as "sliders" do just that.... slide in just about as fast as they slide out. Cooked/steamed on a bed of chopped onions, this little square of meat (if you want to call it meat) gives people gas like they ate a gallon of beans. Well, needless to say when DH rolled over, he filled the area under the blanket we shared with putrid gas. Forgetting that there was someone else in the bed with him, he lifted the blanket to either admire the stench or share his current achievement with me, but as he laid there silently in the dark, he hears my reaction to a stench that woke me up from a dead sleep and starts to laugh. From that day forward, I kept a bottle of air freshener on my nightstand for occurrences like that.
I just was not up to hearing his complaints of the scent of lavender trying feverishly to kill the "unkill-able" stench if it was to most likely happen again. Believe me... Febreeze has met its match, and Febreeze has failed. Lysol never worked, tried Oust and even a few other brands claiming that they remove unwanted odors. All a person can do is open a window and hope for the best. I believe I have destroyed nasal receptors over the years from exposure, but I do like to sleep without the scent of death floating around. Choosing the couch was the better choice, but with left over eggs to be eaten.... I just might have to move out for a while... just kidding.... well, maybe not ;)
With is appreciation of my help in allowing comfort for him to get some decent rest, my reply was a growl of "you're welcome" and "be sure to share that gross bodily function with the guys at the garage".... These guys like to gross each out for entertainment.
Well, off to do what I do. Hope I offered a little laugh in your day. Have a wonderful say everybody, and thanks for reading.....
Friday, April 6, 2012
I am so not ready for this.....
Good morning!
Last night, I was going through my list of things that need to be done before Easter Sunday. I find it funny at how there is always so much to do when you plan to have family over. For years, I have done Thanksgiving and Christmas for my family. After my dad passed away, I have been trying my hardest in keeping some sense of family unity. It is well known that once a parent passes away, the family fold becomes weaker. Well, at least when it came to my family. As for DH's family.... well, they even try to gather together a little more and both his parents are still alive. His family, being bigger than mine, seemed to always be a little strained. Probably because there is still resentment between the siblings.... always one trying to be "the favorite" above the rest. Fortunately, DH does not hold as high of regard to being a favorite in his family. He loves his parents, no matter how frustrating they can be, and is quite happy that they are around.
Well, this year I decided to take on having the family gather at our house for Easter. My mother-in-law usually handles this, but a recent mini vacation with my father-in-law puts her in a serious time crunch to plan for the family to gather at their home, so in the spirit of keeping the family united, I took the initiative and decided to host the Easter gathering here. In fact, I am having both sides of the family (well, those that chose to attend) in my home at one time. After the invites were sent out, the RSVP's came pouring in. Out of all the local family from DH's and my side... we are going to have roughly 13 people (including DH, DD, and I) attending. While our home is not all that big, I am actually thrilled to see all of them. With my experience planning Thanksgiving and Christmas (for my side of the family), I figured I had a good grasp on what needs to be done. Interesting thing..... Planned events that include food become more complicated when the number of people attending increases. While cooking for just the 3 of us on a daily basis is a snap, it is far more complicated to figuring how much food to make when there is more than just us 3. I know that I will be overdoing everything and will have a ton of leftovers. My guesstimating skills are not as sharp as they used to be. Last year's little party while DH was away for his fishing trip resulted in eating a lot of leftover brats, burgers and hot dogs. To this day.... the idea of having those foods has been far less appealing than they should be when the weather is warm and the grill is being used. Sigh, I sure hope I like ham, polish sausage, bread, potato salad and all the other stuff I am making for this if these people do not come by with a serious appetite.
As I am going through my pre-made list of things to do so I am not frantically racing around on Easter, I wonder if I figured everything. I ordered the ham, I got the sausage, I bought the eggs, I dyed the eggs, I found a lamb-shaped cake (which saved me from baking one), I am on perpetual ice cube duty, the housework is just about caught up, the weekly shopping list has been made for Saturday night, I have a cooking schedule in place (of which I will be making some things the night before), and I filled the biggest basket known to man with candy for the family to share. I think I have it all figured out, but alas, my shopping list is getting bigger. How and I forgetting things? I am a planning junkie! After standing in line for almost an hour to get 2 kinds of Polish sausage, I really do not want to forget anything. I am even doubting my decisions over how much food we will actually need. I am on the verge of almost thinking of going back to the Polish deli for more sausage and I have not even started cooking. I am even unsure if the ham I selected will be enough...UGH! Today's scheduled plans have changed and somehow I am ahead of schedule? I am figuring where to put all this food and figure where everyone can sit to eat...YIKES! Am I missing something? I swear, I worry about the most ridiculous things. I want everything to be perfect! This is a multifamily event I have going on. While my family is not overly critical over gatherings like these... it is DH's family I am worried about. My mother-in-law has stuff like this down to a science. After years of going to their gatherings, I just wonder how she does it. Will my efforts be remotely near where hers has been?
I know that I should not stress over stuff like that. What I manage to achieve is the best I can do and that should be sufficient, but maybe I have gotten myself all wrapped up in that battle that DH's siblings play.... being looked upon as a favorite. Well, not exactly a favorite, but to feel a little more accepted into their family fold. Family is important to me and I hope I am instilling that in DD, but with her current preteen angst... I feel I am even missing the mark when it comes to her. The only saving grace I have when it comes to this event is that I stated that it is a casual event. I do not own a room that I can fill with tables so everyone can sit all together at one table. They need to fix their plate and sit wherever they can find a spot. Between the large amount of food taking over every table I own, the limited seating, and the forecast of cooler weather.... I sure hope everyone is okay with eating wherever they find a spot to sit. It is far too late to rent a tent and tables to eat outside... especially a heated tent. I sure won't be utilizing my picnic table any time soon.
Oh well... biting the bullet and as Larry the Cable Guy says.... I am gonna "git er done". Stressing over what has not happened yet is not going to make this enjoyable for me as I have planned. The countdown has begun... it is crunch time. No regrets if it is not perfect, but I will enjoy having family here.
Have a great day everyone!
Last night, I was going through my list of things that need to be done before Easter Sunday. I find it funny at how there is always so much to do when you plan to have family over. For years, I have done Thanksgiving and Christmas for my family. After my dad passed away, I have been trying my hardest in keeping some sense of family unity. It is well known that once a parent passes away, the family fold becomes weaker. Well, at least when it came to my family. As for DH's family.... well, they even try to gather together a little more and both his parents are still alive. His family, being bigger than mine, seemed to always be a little strained. Probably because there is still resentment between the siblings.... always one trying to be "the favorite" above the rest. Fortunately, DH does not hold as high of regard to being a favorite in his family. He loves his parents, no matter how frustrating they can be, and is quite happy that they are around.
Well, this year I decided to take on having the family gather at our house for Easter. My mother-in-law usually handles this, but a recent mini vacation with my father-in-law puts her in a serious time crunch to plan for the family to gather at their home, so in the spirit of keeping the family united, I took the initiative and decided to host the Easter gathering here. In fact, I am having both sides of the family (well, those that chose to attend) in my home at one time. After the invites were sent out, the RSVP's came pouring in. Out of all the local family from DH's and my side... we are going to have roughly 13 people (including DH, DD, and I) attending. While our home is not all that big, I am actually thrilled to see all of them. With my experience planning Thanksgiving and Christmas (for my side of the family), I figured I had a good grasp on what needs to be done. Interesting thing..... Planned events that include food become more complicated when the number of people attending increases. While cooking for just the 3 of us on a daily basis is a snap, it is far more complicated to figuring how much food to make when there is more than just us 3. I know that I will be overdoing everything and will have a ton of leftovers. My guesstimating skills are not as sharp as they used to be. Last year's little party while DH was away for his fishing trip resulted in eating a lot of leftover brats, burgers and hot dogs. To this day.... the idea of having those foods has been far less appealing than they should be when the weather is warm and the grill is being used. Sigh, I sure hope I like ham, polish sausage, bread, potato salad and all the other stuff I am making for this if these people do not come by with a serious appetite.
As I am going through my pre-made list of things to do so I am not frantically racing around on Easter, I wonder if I figured everything. I ordered the ham, I got the sausage, I bought the eggs, I dyed the eggs, I found a lamb-shaped cake (which saved me from baking one), I am on perpetual ice cube duty, the housework is just about caught up, the weekly shopping list has been made for Saturday night, I have a cooking schedule in place (of which I will be making some things the night before), and I filled the biggest basket known to man with candy for the family to share. I think I have it all figured out, but alas, my shopping list is getting bigger. How and I forgetting things? I am a planning junkie! After standing in line for almost an hour to get 2 kinds of Polish sausage, I really do not want to forget anything. I am even doubting my decisions over how much food we will actually need. I am on the verge of almost thinking of going back to the Polish deli for more sausage and I have not even started cooking. I am even unsure if the ham I selected will be enough...UGH! Today's scheduled plans have changed and somehow I am ahead of schedule? I am figuring where to put all this food and figure where everyone can sit to eat...YIKES! Am I missing something? I swear, I worry about the most ridiculous things. I want everything to be perfect! This is a multifamily event I have going on. While my family is not overly critical over gatherings like these... it is DH's family I am worried about. My mother-in-law has stuff like this down to a science. After years of going to their gatherings, I just wonder how she does it. Will my efforts be remotely near where hers has been?
I know that I should not stress over stuff like that. What I manage to achieve is the best I can do and that should be sufficient, but maybe I have gotten myself all wrapped up in that battle that DH's siblings play.... being looked upon as a favorite. Well, not exactly a favorite, but to feel a little more accepted into their family fold. Family is important to me and I hope I am instilling that in DD, but with her current preteen angst... I feel I am even missing the mark when it comes to her. The only saving grace I have when it comes to this event is that I stated that it is a casual event. I do not own a room that I can fill with tables so everyone can sit all together at one table. They need to fix their plate and sit wherever they can find a spot. Between the large amount of food taking over every table I own, the limited seating, and the forecast of cooler weather.... I sure hope everyone is okay with eating wherever they find a spot to sit. It is far too late to rent a tent and tables to eat outside... especially a heated tent. I sure won't be utilizing my picnic table any time soon.
Oh well... biting the bullet and as Larry the Cable Guy says.... I am gonna "git er done". Stressing over what has not happened yet is not going to make this enjoyable for me as I have planned. The countdown has begun... it is crunch time. No regrets if it is not perfect, but I will enjoy having family here.
Have a great day everyone!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Bummer news....
Yesterday, I got a call from a person whom I call my closest and dearest friend. In fact, she is more like a sister to me than a friend.
Friends come and go in life. There is reason to every choice we make. What we seem to forget is that choices do affect those that surround you. I received some news from my best friend that she is planning on moving away.... far away. While I understand that this is an opportunity that cannot be denied, that she deserves more than what life in Illinois has offered... I am feeling the sting of loss.
Friends are special people. Confidants to your thoughts, supporters when you feel alone, and the really special ones are the keepers of secrets. My friend, Care, is the epitome of what a true friend is. She is my sounding board when I get frustrated, she understands me better than anyone I know, she knows how to make me laugh when I feel down, she offers perspectives to things that I have difficulty understanding, and she would offer the shirt off her back if I needed it. When we are out, there is never a dull moment, we have the greatest of times together, and our connection as friends brings across a feeling that we are more like family to every new person we manage to come across. After years of people thinking we were related... we just agreed to let people think that we are sisters. She stood up in my wedding, she hosted the bridal shower, she let me stay at her place the night before I got married and enjoyed one last night of bachelorette drinking. I even think I still have the cork to a bottle of champagne we had opened for the occasion with help of a neighbor, a power drill and a screw (what people go through to remove a cork lid from a bottle...LOL). She drove me that last mile to the church when I was having my first blown panic attack. Never to judge me on the poor choices I allowed to let slip, she became the one person I could rely upon for rational thought. Our friendship even makes her parents laugh. How we manage to take care of one another. An evening arguing over her twisted ankle and forgetting to disconnect the cell phone call to her parents got them thinking that we bicker like a married couple. While we have our disagreements, we overcome them rather quickly because there is love between the two of us. This is probably one of the rarest friendships ever.
As times have been tough for everyone. It has been especially tough for my friend. Wanting to change careers, she went back to college with a career in mind. She studied hard, she graduated at the top of her class, and was ready to embark upon a new career path. After numerous attempts with denials in its wake, she never stopped trying. Frustrated and weary, she would talk to me. I was the one she chose to talk to because I understood her. While she gave me perspectives that I had a hard time seeing, I managed to do the same for her.
She managed to hear about a job opening. Only thing is that she will have to move away. As she called me yesterday about this great opportunity and that she is planning on taking it, all I could think about is that my best friend is going away and how I am gonna miss her so much. No longer can we plan a last minute get together when the stress of our lives (no matter how different or similar that they can be) makes us crave a few beers and some quality time together to laugh and let go. No longer is it going to be easy to just pick up the phone and chat. There will be a time difference to consider when it comes to calling. That moment when help is needed can no longer be a short trip to get there. My window shopping buddy, my occasional lunch date, my movie watching pal, my fellow adventurer, and my fashion consultant (for when I decide to dress up) will be gone. While the friendship ties that bind will never break, it is the distance that makes it so hard for me. Part of me is going to move away and that hurts.
I do completely support her decision. She deserves better than what she has been offered here for the past few years. She deserves the opportunity to feel some financial ease. I know she will do very well at this new job, I know that this change is going to be very exciting for her and I am excited for her. Just a little sad that by best friend in the whole world will be so far away. While my life does not offer that much excitement, she really won't miss much. The few things she will probably miss is those milestones that DD will have. At least she got to see most of them.... DD's first steps, DD's stubborn tendencies, DD's first words that led to first sentences and then onto her inability to stop talking...LOL. Maybe she can make it to see DD get her drivers license, graduate high school, go off to college, graduate college, get married, and so on. DD does love her Auntie Care... That, I know for certain.
With everything we overcame to become such close friends, this is just another thing in the path of life. Well, I have limited time before her decision is final and that she does move away. As I wish nothing less than the best for her, I will always secretly hope she does stay. Only time will tell, but at least I can say that I have one friend that surpassed what a friend is and became family to me.
Friends come and go in life. There is reason to every choice we make. What we seem to forget is that choices do affect those that surround you. I received some news from my best friend that she is planning on moving away.... far away. While I understand that this is an opportunity that cannot be denied, that she deserves more than what life in Illinois has offered... I am feeling the sting of loss.
Friends are special people. Confidants to your thoughts, supporters when you feel alone, and the really special ones are the keepers of secrets. My friend, Care, is the epitome of what a true friend is. She is my sounding board when I get frustrated, she understands me better than anyone I know, she knows how to make me laugh when I feel down, she offers perspectives to things that I have difficulty understanding, and she would offer the shirt off her back if I needed it. When we are out, there is never a dull moment, we have the greatest of times together, and our connection as friends brings across a feeling that we are more like family to every new person we manage to come across. After years of people thinking we were related... we just agreed to let people think that we are sisters. She stood up in my wedding, she hosted the bridal shower, she let me stay at her place the night before I got married and enjoyed one last night of bachelorette drinking. I even think I still have the cork to a bottle of champagne we had opened for the occasion with help of a neighbor, a power drill and a screw (what people go through to remove a cork lid from a bottle...LOL). She drove me that last mile to the church when I was having my first blown panic attack. Never to judge me on the poor choices I allowed to let slip, she became the one person I could rely upon for rational thought. Our friendship even makes her parents laugh. How we manage to take care of one another. An evening arguing over her twisted ankle and forgetting to disconnect the cell phone call to her parents got them thinking that we bicker like a married couple. While we have our disagreements, we overcome them rather quickly because there is love between the two of us. This is probably one of the rarest friendships ever.
As times have been tough for everyone. It has been especially tough for my friend. Wanting to change careers, she went back to college with a career in mind. She studied hard, she graduated at the top of her class, and was ready to embark upon a new career path. After numerous attempts with denials in its wake, she never stopped trying. Frustrated and weary, she would talk to me. I was the one she chose to talk to because I understood her. While she gave me perspectives that I had a hard time seeing, I managed to do the same for her.
She managed to hear about a job opening. Only thing is that she will have to move away. As she called me yesterday about this great opportunity and that she is planning on taking it, all I could think about is that my best friend is going away and how I am gonna miss her so much. No longer can we plan a last minute get together when the stress of our lives (no matter how different or similar that they can be) makes us crave a few beers and some quality time together to laugh and let go. No longer is it going to be easy to just pick up the phone and chat. There will be a time difference to consider when it comes to calling. That moment when help is needed can no longer be a short trip to get there. My window shopping buddy, my occasional lunch date, my movie watching pal, my fellow adventurer, and my fashion consultant (for when I decide to dress up) will be gone. While the friendship ties that bind will never break, it is the distance that makes it so hard for me. Part of me is going to move away and that hurts.
I do completely support her decision. She deserves better than what she has been offered here for the past few years. She deserves the opportunity to feel some financial ease. I know she will do very well at this new job, I know that this change is going to be very exciting for her and I am excited for her. Just a little sad that by best friend in the whole world will be so far away. While my life does not offer that much excitement, she really won't miss much. The few things she will probably miss is those milestones that DD will have. At least she got to see most of them.... DD's first steps, DD's stubborn tendencies, DD's first words that led to first sentences and then onto her inability to stop talking...LOL. Maybe she can make it to see DD get her drivers license, graduate high school, go off to college, graduate college, get married, and so on. DD does love her Auntie Care... That, I know for certain.
With everything we overcame to become such close friends, this is just another thing in the path of life. Well, I have limited time before her decision is final and that she does move away. As I wish nothing less than the best for her, I will always secretly hope she does stay. Only time will tell, but at least I can say that I have one friend that surpassed what a friend is and became family to me.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The gift of light.....
Good morning! The past couple of days, I was at a hair show. Being the professional that I am, it is required to go to continuing education classes in order to keep my license. Hair shows (for those that never went to one) are a combination of technical education and flair of a fashion show. There is a sales floor for purchasing necessities in our field and a look into the newest tools for our profession. While most see a hair dryer not being revolutionary, there is a huge selection (according to performance, power, and mechanics) that appeal to various people. Kind of like a pen is a pen to someone that uses one occasionally, but every pen is different in its performance and feel to someone that needs to use one all the time.
While hair shows are filled with hairdressers, there is representation from all fields in the beauty genre. Experience levels vary from students to people that have been in the field for almost their whole lives. With a little over 25 years in the profession... I am not the newest, nor am I the oldest there. It is just a sea of professionals looking to learn just a little more in this ever-so-changing world. We learn new techniques, revisit old ones, and get introduced to new products that benefit both the client and the professional.
Now, not all of this experience is technical. There are business classes that help us professionals build a stronger business as well as business owners. This career choice has taken a huge hit the past 4 years. Especially the salons that offered more than a quick in and out cheap haircut. The quality is in the price. Think about it.... Would you rather have a person pay attention to you for longer than 15 minutes when it comes to a look you will be seeing in the mirror every day or would you just accept impersonal service and potential huge errors? Cut rate salons work more on a quantity over quality environment because that $8 haircut is sure not going to pay much when it comes to keeping the lights on, the water running, and it sure is not all going to the stylist. Being a hairdresser is not as glamorous as some people think.... Long hours on your feet, hair in your clothes, cuts on your hands, no insurance, no paid vacations, and if you get sick.... You sure don't get a paid day off. We are the therapists to the people in our chairs and are the first to take the hit when there is a complaint. Through the muck and mire of being the humble servant, there is reward that does not have a price tag.... it is the client that leaves with a smile on their face, a skip in their step, and the assurance that they are choosing to see you again for their hair services. While the tip is nice for a job well done, it is the feeling we get from seeing a smiling face that seems to do it for me. Well, I have to admit... I do like getting a tip. Kind of tells me the level of how happy they are beyond the smile and the thanks I get for a job well done. Some people do choose to not smile at all (the very serious ones) and that is one way to figure how happy they are. At least my wit and charm does get them to crack a smile from time to time.
With being in this business for a little over 25 years, I have worked at various capacities. From full time to part time, I have seen it all. I have worked at various salons and spas. I have worked with various personalities of professionals and even when it seemed that I hit the toxic stage of a work environment... I still manage to love my job. This is where I was shown something that I have managed to lose sight upon. You see, I blog to share my feelings about things that happen to me or around me. I try to show appreciation for everything that comes my way. No matter how difficult it can become, I silently appreciate the experience. Well, not exactly silently if I blog about it, but you get my drift, right? There are times when appreciation should be shown to the person that offers you something. Like the job you have. While I appreciate my part time job at the salon, I managed to forget to thank my boss for all that she does for me. While she is not perfect, nor am I, I need to appreciate all those little things. Just being offered the chance to shine every time I am there should get a "thank you". If she did not believe or appreciate me as a person... I would no longer be there. When I offer something free to a client, she is not slamming me for an explanation. She looks out for the bottom line because she wants to keep me there. While a toxic tendency to look at someone always looking at the bottom line is thinking that you don't matter is completely wrong. It is all in how you look at it. If everything is all about you, you cannot see the efforts of others and you hold no appreciation for those efforts.
Just finding that little act of kindness in a sea of disappointment can make a world of difference. All it takes is for someone to shine that light upon it and your expectations will change.
I got that light at this year's hair show. All it took was for one person to do that this past weekend. Just think about it.... if every person seeks out the good in the sea of disappointment... chances are... you will end up seeing more good than disappointment. While not everything is good and right... there will be times it is far better to walk away. It is what you see beyond what you feel that points you in the direction that you need to go. Kind of like balancing a checklist of pros and cons to decide. You just have to dig deep and really find all of the pros... no matter how little they are... and believe. Also, judging people upon what is on the surface does not let you fully understand the choices they make. Sometimes you need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to know. Hearing that story of a client that never sought out change, got the same look every month, brought their rambunctious children in tow, wearing outdated clothes and tipped poorly does not reflect upon the person if you knew that the reason they wore outdated clothes was because they chose you for their hair over a new wardrobe, or that their demon-spawn kids coming along all the time was about not paying a babysitter so they can see you, or tipping poorly because that is all they can afford because they chose you for their hair. On the surface.... that client may be a total nightmare, but if you really knew their reasons... You just might see this person in a different light. I see that being pretty easy to apply that to everyone I come across.... Looking for the shred of light should be the start of one awesome journey that most people miss because they choose to not take on the effort. Those that choose to not try do lose out on some really wonderful things. I just do not want to lose out anymore.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!! May you all seek out some light in your day...
While hair shows are filled with hairdressers, there is representation from all fields in the beauty genre. Experience levels vary from students to people that have been in the field for almost their whole lives. With a little over 25 years in the profession... I am not the newest, nor am I the oldest there. It is just a sea of professionals looking to learn just a little more in this ever-so-changing world. We learn new techniques, revisit old ones, and get introduced to new products that benefit both the client and the professional.
Now, not all of this experience is technical. There are business classes that help us professionals build a stronger business as well as business owners. This career choice has taken a huge hit the past 4 years. Especially the salons that offered more than a quick in and out cheap haircut. The quality is in the price. Think about it.... Would you rather have a person pay attention to you for longer than 15 minutes when it comes to a look you will be seeing in the mirror every day or would you just accept impersonal service and potential huge errors? Cut rate salons work more on a quantity over quality environment because that $8 haircut is sure not going to pay much when it comes to keeping the lights on, the water running, and it sure is not all going to the stylist. Being a hairdresser is not as glamorous as some people think.... Long hours on your feet, hair in your clothes, cuts on your hands, no insurance, no paid vacations, and if you get sick.... You sure don't get a paid day off. We are the therapists to the people in our chairs and are the first to take the hit when there is a complaint. Through the muck and mire of being the humble servant, there is reward that does not have a price tag.... it is the client that leaves with a smile on their face, a skip in their step, and the assurance that they are choosing to see you again for their hair services. While the tip is nice for a job well done, it is the feeling we get from seeing a smiling face that seems to do it for me. Well, I have to admit... I do like getting a tip. Kind of tells me the level of how happy they are beyond the smile and the thanks I get for a job well done. Some people do choose to not smile at all (the very serious ones) and that is one way to figure how happy they are. At least my wit and charm does get them to crack a smile from time to time.
With being in this business for a little over 25 years, I have worked at various capacities. From full time to part time, I have seen it all. I have worked at various salons and spas. I have worked with various personalities of professionals and even when it seemed that I hit the toxic stage of a work environment... I still manage to love my job. This is where I was shown something that I have managed to lose sight upon. You see, I blog to share my feelings about things that happen to me or around me. I try to show appreciation for everything that comes my way. No matter how difficult it can become, I silently appreciate the experience. Well, not exactly silently if I blog about it, but you get my drift, right? There are times when appreciation should be shown to the person that offers you something. Like the job you have. While I appreciate my part time job at the salon, I managed to forget to thank my boss for all that she does for me. While she is not perfect, nor am I, I need to appreciate all those little things. Just being offered the chance to shine every time I am there should get a "thank you". If she did not believe or appreciate me as a person... I would no longer be there. When I offer something free to a client, she is not slamming me for an explanation. She looks out for the bottom line because she wants to keep me there. While a toxic tendency to look at someone always looking at the bottom line is thinking that you don't matter is completely wrong. It is all in how you look at it. If everything is all about you, you cannot see the efforts of others and you hold no appreciation for those efforts.
Just finding that little act of kindness in a sea of disappointment can make a world of difference. All it takes is for someone to shine that light upon it and your expectations will change.
I got that light at this year's hair show. All it took was for one person to do that this past weekend. Just think about it.... if every person seeks out the good in the sea of disappointment... chances are... you will end up seeing more good than disappointment. While not everything is good and right... there will be times it is far better to walk away. It is what you see beyond what you feel that points you in the direction that you need to go. Kind of like balancing a checklist of pros and cons to decide. You just have to dig deep and really find all of the pros... no matter how little they are... and believe. Also, judging people upon what is on the surface does not let you fully understand the choices they make. Sometimes you need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to know. Hearing that story of a client that never sought out change, got the same look every month, brought their rambunctious children in tow, wearing outdated clothes and tipped poorly does not reflect upon the person if you knew that the reason they wore outdated clothes was because they chose you for their hair over a new wardrobe, or that their demon-spawn kids coming along all the time was about not paying a babysitter so they can see you, or tipping poorly because that is all they can afford because they chose you for their hair. On the surface.... that client may be a total nightmare, but if you really knew their reasons... You just might see this person in a different light. I see that being pretty easy to apply that to everyone I come across.... Looking for the shred of light should be the start of one awesome journey that most people miss because they choose to not take on the effort. Those that choose to not try do lose out on some really wonderful things. I just do not want to lose out anymore.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!! May you all seek out some light in your day...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)