Every woman on this planet always has something to complain about. I should know, I have plenty of them bouncing around in my head. Now, I know I promised a while back (January to more accurate) that I would not drag you into my personal hell over weight loss and my desire to get back to my "fighting weight". Yep, that bakery on my frame is suffocating that thin person I know is inside me. Desperate to set skinny me out... I joined weight watchers with a renewed sense of hope that I can get there. Money that we really cannot spare is being spent to fulfill my dream and achieve that goal, so the drive is there, or so I thought. So sorry I broke my promise. You have the choice to stop here and wait for a different topic to be shared. Hopefully, you find it in your heart to stay.
Obviously, my efforts are being thwarted by denying myself anything and everything remotely enjoyable. Denial for too long boils well beyond the control phase and suddenly one cookie is not enough. Yep, I exceeded my control point and created a 3 pound weight gain in a week. Now, I know that if you do not weigh yourself at the same time every week, you will see fluctuations. I should know. Today's weigh in was in the afternoon after having breakfast and lunch consumed. Even a snack was in the mix. Now, I know that a few cookies are not the end-all-be-all of my battle of the bulge, but somehow that damn scale made me feel like I was defeated at getting deflated (aka gaining instead of losing). Feeling quite beaten down, I have been battling a nasty cold and a round of back spasms for the past few days. Darn hormones cause water weight gain every month and I am smack in the middle of a major water retention phase, too. I know that next week, I will do better. I just hate that I have to claw, scrape and fight my way back down. 16 weeks in and nowhere near where I wanted to be. Being knocked a few pegs back is no way to face the challenges of the holidays. Being vulnerable is what is going to make me take a nose dive off the weight watchers train and I cannot let that happen. If that happens, DH will blow a gasket over what we have spent to partake in the world of weight watching. That damn scale is my enemy and food is the catalyst for failure. Darn picky eaters are making my journey a boring one and I am losing focus fast. What to do... what to do....
Hitting the gym during the cold and flu season is a recipe for disaster for me and already being under the weather is no driving force to run in the hamster wheel called the treadmill. I like to avoid the germ-infested place where workout junkies refuse to stay home when they are sick to see them sweat all over the equipment. Too cold to enjoy the outdoors and feeling too tired after a few early mornings of back spasms to get the energy to do much else than Lysol my home so when family comes over for Thanksgiving, they won't catch a cold from us. I would be really miffed if my in-laws blame me for more than they already do.
I guess I need to get a grip and get over what the scale says first. Then I need to get a major attitude adjustment because I wanted to smack that woman at weight watchers and all her supposed "helpful hints" and reminders to just keep trying. Believe me, honey, I know what to do. What I think I would prefer to do is just get my jaw wired shut until March. Then I can avoid, with virtually zero effort, all the weight gaining holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Valentines Day) and lose the weight I desperately want to lose. You know, food made liquid in a blender does make its appeal that much less... hahaha! Knowing that is not an elective procedure and I am not up for getting my jaw broken, I guess I need to take a Midol and get over it... Grrr...
Tomorrow is a new day, right? Just gotta remember to forget feeling vulnerable and start over.
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