ACK! Where is the ice cream!

Good morning!  If you happen to be a big fan of The Big Bang Theory, you probably remember the episode where Sheldon appears at Penny's door with ice cream and his thought about what makes a woman feel better through his research from the comic strip, "Kathy".  If you don't recall take a look at this.....

Well, that is how I am feeling this morning....

I have two subjects to share and neither one can wait, so.....  as I ponder how to get this "flossed" out of my mind, I figured that I could at least try to condense my thoughts and get this over with....

Subject #1:  Suffering a bad case of expectation blinders.  Recent discussions between DD, my mother and I  resulted in a revelation that DH has managed to change a little, but not in the vicinity of where I would like to see change.  While his sacrifices for this family is appreciated, it bothers me to no end that he has managed to sacrifice things that should have never been sacrificed in the first place.... like, thinking about my feelings.  Maybe these darn romance novels have placed the spotlight on what I never considered all that important.  I never thought that I would want to be looked upon as a quest for eternal happiness, but it sure sounds nice now.  I can only guess that once I said, "I do", he felt that he did not need to put in any more effort.  Quite depressing, if you ask me.  At least he set his priorities at doing nice things for his daughter and the realization that he hides his motorcycle at the garage where he works is his way to kill DD's desire to go for a ride is one of them.  All it took was for one ignorant driver to run him off the road with her on the back to put him in protector mode.  When it comes to me????  He lets me fend for myself.  Kind of feels like he really does not care all that much about me.

Subject #2:  With eyes watering every time I put on my glasses to read, I think I am due for a vacation from reading.  Looking back, I have managed to read over 30 books in 6 weeks (and that is a guess without actually counting each book as I went along).  Heck, I have been averaging a book a day.  I start when I wake up in the morning and stop right before I go to bed.  Albeit there are a few breaks here and there to take a shower,do a little housework, pop onto the computer for a little bit, and when I wash the dishes.  My sign that my reading is getting overboard is when I walk about the house with my nose plastered in a book.  I have even taken them to the bathroom with me.  The only errands I have managed to complete are going to work, getting the grocery shopping done and going to the library for another round of books.  I did go out this past Saturday night, but by the look in my eyes....  I had books on the brain!  I barely eat, I have not exercised, and I am too darn scared to step on the scale because of it.  What I do decide to eat is far from balanced and my need for chocolate consumption has hit an unbelievable high.  Of course, I recently read that chocolate brings on the feeling of love and some people have managed to consume enough to curb the need for relations with the opposite sex, if you get what I mean.  What I noticed is that I have read way too many books about love and have been eating chocolate to feel better about it.  What scares me the most is that I am almost done with yet another romance novel and with nothing left to read out of my stack of books, I will return the books and end up mindlessly grabbing more.  I did hear of another contender for those Fifty Shades of Grey books out there.  A co-worker suggested it to me.  It is called "Bared to you" and the first book is already out, the second book is not available yet, but I fear that it will be at least a series of 3 books to read (if not more).  What really concerns me is that I am really intrigued to read it.  The reviews have offered the notion that it is just as steamy (if not more) than the Fifty Shades trilogy.  Am I really up to reading another series?  Heck, I am waiting for the 19th book from the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich!

I have become a cliche'!!  I am now appearing to be that spinster woman that spends her day sitting on the couch popping chocolates in her mouth!  ACK!  Where is the ice cream!!  I need a new hobby!

Internal loathing.....

Good morning/afternoon (depending on how many little breaks I take while writing this)....

Not sure why I am feeling the way that I have been.... well, maybe I do....

On the surface, I am a happy and well-adjusted person.  Internally, is another thing.....  Probably it is because of my natural born tendencies to go to extremes when I do something...anything.  I have a serious track record for doing something until I either burn out from it or cause personal injury.  A prime example is diet and exercise.  I get really determined, at first, then my self-sabotaging will eventually kick in.  That is where my attempts end up in failures.  When it comes to my work ethic....  well, lets just say that I have such a strong sense to do well that people scratch their heads in amazement at my sense of resolve.  Sadly, the current job market does not hold openings for a person to actually have faith in a person's resolve to do well.  They prefer to have people mindlessly go through the motions from years of experience with a college degree attached.  I am street smart more than book smart.  If someone was to show me some task to take on and explain the reasons why things are done that way....  I grasp on pretty fast.  For me to learn a new job... it takes me roughly a week or two to become so well versed in the task that you will not see me come with stupid questions and need of assistance.  Sadly, when it comes to personal tasks.....  I tend to lack the resolve to stay in it for the long haul.

Dieting and exercise is the perfect example.  I dive in determined to get results quickly and once I do not see the results I desire.... I become a couch potato with a candy bar in my mouth.  I can be easily a gym junkie shaking for my next visit to the gym, but once I go into overdrive...  I injure myself and become forced to rest well beyond the normal waiting period and the love of the gym gets lost.  In fact, I would take a different route to get to places so I could avoid seeing the gym altogether.  I used to enjoy going to the pool on hot summer days, but after one look of myself in a swimsuit....  I prefer to stay in my air-conditioned home.  Well, after my light brush with some skin cancer....  I really get nervous to get a sunburn and I absolutely hate the smell of sunscreen.  Well, I hate the feeling sunscreen leaves.  I end up feeling like a greased pig that attracts bugs even if there is not a bug to be seen for miles.  Needless to say...  I am still fighting the battle of the bulge and not feeling all that interested in wasting my energy to feel let down after a while.  I figured that moderation is the key and I eat very little anyway.  My head is in reading books lately.

Speaking of books....  My recent need for glasses gave me a nice slap in the face that I am not getting any younger.  Oh darn....  Doorbell...  Taking a break....  Now I am back... Where was I....  Oh, yeah...  books and where my internal loathing is coming from.....

Books are my escape from the stress that I deal with every day.  The potential look at something differently is what I strive for.  My imagination runs free with every chapter I read.  The descriptive words offered to create a scene in the book plays as my internal "movie screen" to seeing the story unfold in my mind.  Staking claim to how I see the characters, the landscape, the colors of everything coming into focus.  I have to admit....  I have an amazing imagination.  In fact, I swear I can even sense the feelings these writers are trying to share through their choice of words and even hearing the seductive inflections of how the characters talk.  I laugh, I cry and I feel with the heady combination of words and my imagination.  Sadly, I have become aware that my little escapes have been moving at a feverish pace and I feel that what I am thinking on the inside is showing on the outside.  As I read, I tend to take a mental vacation from my life and its disappointments and when I take the time to break away from the pages of a book to look at my life, I feel sad.  I always took pride in avoiding the false hopes of romance novels.  I would rather read a gripping mystery where I try to solve the crime before the last chapter sums it all up.  I even dabbled in some suspense or horror books just to get my adrenaline flowing in a controlled environment.  I am not a thrill seeker and I definitely do not have a death wish, but to feel without risk is what I choose to do through reading.  Well, my recent reading jag put me in a genre that I proudly avoided reading.....  Romance.  Anything with romantic tendencies were not my thing, nonetheless.  I feel that these kinds of books bring on a false sense of hope and the internal loathing level of jealousy that I have never been blessed with that happily ever after and amazing feeling these women manage to get on their journey.  Of course, the stories are predictable...  A gorgeous, wealthy, strong man on a quest to snare the heart of the woman they sets their sights upon.  All the while, protecting her like she is the most valuable possession to have.  Of course, there is the undeniable spark of passion and the electricity that it produces to the senses that make it undeniable that there will never be a sad moment to ever experience ever again.  Lets face it, people....  Lust sells.  Not really sure if it is love because I figured I know what love is, right?  Love is a connection that surpasses everything and fills your heart with happiness.  Yes, there are times when an argument might arise, there might even be a time or two where anger can take center stage, but after the dust settles....  two people find a middle ground remain together.  While my married life is not all roses and love letters, the desire that lust offers is dead and buried.  Simple gestures that wooed me in the past do not happen anymore, conversations are about everything else but feeling for one another.  Those loving looks are gone and there is focus on other things in its place.  While my married life is not fully broken....  it is not running on all cylinders, if you get my drift.  Sorry about the mechanic reference, but heck I am married to one and that is what I get to hear about every day....  cars and their problems.  So with my face buried in a book, I am starting to loathe my current situation and I probably have desperation in my eyes when I talk to people.  I am too far gone in these darn romance novels and I have read just about everything this one author has written.  I am down to the last few books left and I have to latch onto something different really soon or I will become that spinster that hides behind her glasses and a book.  I am just not strong enough to stop reading if I am enjoying it.  There is no physical injury at stake... except for my eye sight, and physically, I am becoming more sensitive to my surroundings.

Now, I need to find another book to solve my addiction to books.... especially romance novels.  I am at my breaking point with all these false hopes I have been exposed to.  Maybe I will find a good historical book that will kill my desire for another romance novel.  History books to me are like the cold shower moments men have when they need their libido under control.  Yeah, that's it!  A really boring book is in order.  Once I finish these last 2 books, I will grab that one book I never finished because it bored me to tears.  I just have to dig in my closet and find the darn thing.  I just hope I did not already donate it to the library.  HA!  Problem solved!  Thanks for reading my flossing moment if you endured this one.  Have a great day!!!!

The great escape....

Books, oh books are the greatest escape for this suburban wife and mother.  Getting the nickname of Bookworm really does not bother me all that much.  The comment of having four-eyes from my new glasses tossed my way is completely harmless.  I chuckle at how DH and DD can't find anything good to watch on TV these days.  In fact, I barely ever hear a peep out of them.  My selective hearing is in top form and when I let my imagination run from what I read in whatever way it decides to go....  I just can't seem to have any complaints these days.

Earlier this week, we had a few little annoyances, but since I handle just about everything.... they were resolved rather quickly.  I did manage to notice that there are some things that DH needs to do for himself, and even left it alone for him to finally get to it.

While I was slightly miffed at the notion that I have been reading mysteries that have romance intertwined in them, I even grabbed a book or two of just strictly romance.  I realized my reason for gravitating towards that genre....  It is a far easier replacement to trying to get it in my life.  DH is not romantic, there are no secret admirers out there seeking me out, and I am sure as heck not going to go look for romance from another.  I have friends that harmlessly flirt with me and that is good enough for me.  Really, who needs a hero these days?  I am too self-sufficient to really need that much help in my life.  I know how to change a tire, I remember how to change oil in a car (my truck cannot be all that different, right?), I am perfectly capable of setting the clock on my VCR/DVD player, I know the difference between a Phillips-head screwdriver and a flat-head screwdriver.  I am pretty handy with tools, I know how to run the generator, the lawn mower, the snow blower, the leaf blower, and the weed whacker.  I take out the garbage every week and I even have watched enough DIY television that I could probably fix a leaky faucet or replace a faulty outlet.  I know what a fuse is and just recently....  I learned how to replace the propane tank on the grill.  I cook and clean and I definitely know how to balance a checkbook.  I do not get credit for any of my accomplishments, but I am pretty pleased with what I can do all by myself.  With all this knowledge under my belt....  it makes me wonder what good it is to have a man in my life....  Oh.... there is something, but I heard that they have toys to handle that (giggle...giggle... giggle).  Okay, not to sound mean.... but in the grand scheme of things....  if I get to learn much more without the tutelage of DH....  I will start to believe that I would be happier without him in my life.  I married him because I love him and wanted to have a partner in my life that experiences things with me instead of without me.  I wonder if it was his plan all along to have a strong woman in his life to do everything and return to his childhood ways of thinking only about himself.  It probably was, but who am I to judge?  I thought marriage would have been far different than what I ended up with, but I am adapting quite well with the less that I have been offered.

I think I figured where my recent fascination of romance novels is from.  I need something that grounds me to believe that men can be just as vulnerable as women.  That there is a woman for every man that makes them feel the need to be the hero, to be the loving shoulder to cry upon, to be the one that is willing to alter their ways just enough to be guaranteed to have that person in their life.  Heck, women do that all the time, but do not get credit for it.  We are left to believe that we are the weaker ones.  At least in these romance novels that I have been reading.....  These clueless women stumble through life with their tenacity in tact to be strong enough for the men to think that they are not worthy, but are willing to try harder for the sake of love.  Just the thought at how these women writers believe that men react to this alien feeling that is called love is nothing more than lust with potential for growth.  I just believe that I am worthy of having someone in my life that thinks I need to be saved, but with my vast knowledge.....  That is just not gonna happen and I am okay with that now.

What makes reading so enjoyable is how I can escape the life I have and grasp feelings from something that someone else writes.  Reruns are really not an option.  Well, when it comes to romance novels....  the premise is predictable, but at least the names, the places, and some of the comments are different.  Even the dilemmas are a bit different.  What I do find interesting is how the books play out.  The woman is actually more a hero than the men.  When it comes to something that requires physical strength... the man usually comes through.  Heck, when it comes to an overly tightened lug nut on a tire...  I would ask for a strong fellow to give me a hand.  It is not like I can bench-press with the best of them, but I will need a strong arm to help me from time to time.  Unless, that is, I really get serious about the gym and I doubt that will happen. I have seen some of those body-building women and I was almost mistaken that it was a man with the bulges they are able to produce.  Last week, I saw one at the local 7-11 and said "excuse me, sir", to quickly be corrected when she turned around to look at me....  YIKES!  She had veins popping out where I thought women did not have veins.  Not all that attractive, but she probably could have lifted a bus with the guns she had on her.  Nonetheless.....  I think I am going to finish this one book, head off to the library again and get a few more.

And he rides!!!

YAWN!  There is a con to every pro.  When the weather is nice, people opt for a motorcycle over a car as their mode of transportation.  My husband is no different than the rest that have a motorcycle at the ready.  Well, for the past couple of summers....  DH preferred to drive his classic 1979 VW Beetle.  It is black, a convertible, and is in pristine condition.  While I believe that he loves that darn car more than me, it is a pretty nifty mode of transportation.  I don't drive it because it is a manual transmission and I have been less than talented to deal with a clutch and shifter while driving.  Heck, I am darn lucky that I can walk and chew gum at the same time without bodily injury.  Well, DH, being the primo mechanic and all, noticed that his clutch is starting to wear down and left his car at the garage to fix it.  I find it funny that when there is a strange sound or potential breakdown in the near future....  he is prepared to fix it before it becomes an issue, but when it comes to my truck....  That sucker needs to be towed in to be looked at.  I still have a lens to a fog lamp sitting in my truck to be reattached as well as a head cover gasket sitting at the garage that needs to be put in my truck so it can stop "running lean" as I was told over a month ago.  Yep, I still get the "check engine" light popping on at random times as well as having it run so rough that I fear my truck will die on the road.  I was assured that my truck issues are not serious.... yet, and I can still drive it for a while.  Just still waiting for DH to either fix my truck or I will tow the darn thing in when it does die.  I know he would get totally bent if I took my truck to my other friend that works at a garage down the street from his shop, so if he wants to pay for the tow truck....  he can deal with it.... not me.  I stopped the supposed nagging to get my truck fixed and strapped on my I don't give a furry rat's behind attitude.

Well, long story short is what I am striving for and failing miserably at, so here goes.....

DH's VW needs work, so he came home with his motorcycle from work last night.  It is a 1985 Harley-Davidson Low Rider, red, shiny, and VERY LOUD.  Apparently, the stock pipes are not acceptable to DH and wanted to make this thing so loud that the walls shake in my house when he approaches.  He changed out the pipes immediately after purchasing it.  It is a very distinctive sound and I heard him coming from 4 blocks away and knew that my morning would be less than peaceful.  I had 2 summers of a quiet departure from DH when he leaves for work....  Not anymore, that is, until he fixes his VW.

While I actually love his motorcycle, I am saddened that it has not been ridden all that much over the past few years.  I think I know why and it tells me that he is no longer the reckless adventurer that he once was when I first met him.  Yep, DH was a "bad boy" wrapped in a comedian.  He always knew how to make me laugh.  When we were dating, he was generous, courteous, and so darn funny.  I could not recall a moment when he made me mad or a moment where my feelings were hurt.  Sad, how things change after you get married.  Especially when the things you did not want to change happen to be the first things to change.  Well, before I go on another tangent....  DH used to take me for rides on the motorcycle.  I happen to be a "professional passenger" of sorts.  I know when to lean and when to kick back on the pegs to avoid crushing him into the gas tank.  In fact, I was told that I was such a good passenger, that people thought I was not on the back of their bike.  I enjoyed the wind in my face and the freedom that the motorcycle offered while going down the road.  I knew it was going to be a matter of time that DD would have the same fascination.  Her daddy would put her in a helmet and take her for a ride.  He shared with her a special grip to hold on while she was taken on her ride and everything.  Every time DH would take the motorcycle, DD would run outside with her helmet in hand, ready for her ride.  DH stopped taking me for a ride and it hurt a little, but the bond between father and daughter was heartwarming enough to mask the pain from missing the wind in my face and the freedom that ride with DH offered.  Well, on one ride (which I call the last ride), DH had DD on the motorcycle and a person in a car was not paying attention pushed DH off the road with DD on the back.  DH is a very cautious rider and avoided a serious accident and that little reality check that people in cars rarely ever pay attention to the motorcycles on the road.... DH put his motorcycle away and did not pull it out since.  Well, until last night when he left his VW at work.

As this morning, I woke up to my walls shaking and hearing the rumble of a motorcycle that I adored speeding off down the road, I actually let out a sigh and greeted the new day with memories of a happier time.  Only if DH could remember those happier times and act upon them.  Sadly, I know he won't.  No offer of a ride was given last night and there was no indication that this is going to be a repeat performance of the happier times.  Oh well, at least DD did not run outside with her helmet.  Maybe my frustration that DH seems so immature at times has finally changed.  He refuses to take chances with his family on that motorcycle anymore and that is the ultimate sign that he does care.  It is not as obvious because it was not seen until last night, but there is a sign that he does care nonetheless.  Sadly, it is the one thing that we did enjoy and it is gone.

I may have told you so, but I am not gonna say it anymore...

A couple of weeks ago, an out of state phone call appeared on our caller ID and usually, when a number like that pops up we let it go to voice mail.  Well, that is what DH usually does, but I had the phone next to me and I have very little patience to wait the specific number of rings to have it hit voice mail... so I answered it.  A young woman from a Home Depot in California was on the phone.  She was asking to confirm an on-line order for a power tool to be picked up locally and wanted to make sure that the order was legitimate.

Pleasantly surprised that there are some people that really take their job seriously when it comes to credit card orders, but sickened nonetheless that it was an order placed with our address and phone number attached to it and possibly one of our credit cards being used being used fraudulently.  While my concerns were justifiable, I tried to ask for clarification about the charges and if she could offer me the last 4 digits of the supposed credit card being used.  She held firm that she could not divulge that information (what a relief she was really serious about protecting a person's identity).  The only information she wanted to clarify upon was the name, address and phone number of the card holder.  She has two of the three things correct.  She had our address and phone number, but the name was wrong.  "Nobody with the last name of Chan reside here", I tell the woman.  She realized that the person that arrived to pick up this $360 power tool made a mad dash for the door and was taking off in his truck without the tool in his hand.  She screams for someone to get the license plate number and returns to talking to me.  She apologizes for the inconvenience and the obvious concern that someone was trying to purchase something off of a credit card that could be DH's or mine with only most of the pertinent information being ours.  She assures me that she is cancelling the order and that it should not appear on our credit card statement, but suggests that we call our credit card company to notify them of a potential fraud situation happening.


Sickened and angry that identity theft is possible, but in my eyes, is supposed to be a lot harder when we actually set all identity-sensitive stuff on fire instead of "shred and toss" like most other people.  It is impossible to get personal information from ashes.  I thought we were safe.  Apparently not, but I was not going to let someone continue to try to steal from us and started to call the credit card companies to do everything that is needed to protect ourselves.  DH and I kept separate credit card accounts and in my eyes... that is pretty smart, but a real pain in the butt if there is a problem that requires a call to the credit card company.  As I called about my credit card, I asked DH if he would like to call about his.  I have no authorization to notify his credit card company about potential fraud.  He declined to take action and told me that I am overreacting.  I tried to tell him that overreaction is expected when there is potential for fraud being prevalent, but he held firm in his convictions.  I decided to tell him that inaction is a risky thing and a real pain to fix if it gets out of hand.  Apparently, DH prefers the "ignorance is bliss" approach and I will never get through to him and I dropped the subject.


Fast forward two weeks:  DH likes to use the credit card as a budgeting tool for groceries.  I can only guess he does that to keep our spending in check, but I see it as a bill we can avoid if we paid by check or cash.  I have been reminded that I do not know what I am doing since the day I gave him the big boy pill and handed him the checkbook to get him snapped back to reality that his laid back attitude regarding getting paid on time or even taking a paycheck when he willingly sacrificed his paycheck for the greater good of his garage without discussing it with me (the one that managed the bills for the past 11 years or so).  Well, that offering to help him regarding protecting his credit card from fraud being shot down ended up being that it was his card that was being used fraudulently and not mine.  When he pulled out his card to pay for the groceries of the week and was denied, I had to pull out my card to pay for it.  Once we got home, he called the credit card company and learned that his card was a victim of fraud.  The credit card company has tried to call him for weeks and could not get in touch with him, so they put a hold on his card and made it useless. After a half an hour with the credit card company, he closed that account and is being issued a new card.  The fraudulent charges are being handled by the credit card company and he has some paperwork on the way to fill out.  After he hung up.... he started whining about the inconvenience he now has to deal with.  I bit my tongue so hard, I thought I tasted blood, but did not bother saying "I TOLD YOU SO".

My word has never held water in his world.  I have been looked at as I am some kind of moron for years.  That being a woman makes me clueless (all a learned trait from his childhood).  I mean, he believes every word his mother would say, but when it came to me..... I am without validity.  That woman could tell him that the sky is green and he would believe her.  I would have to take is sorry backside outside and point his face to the sky to prove that it is actually blue.  I have many stories where I am apparently too stupid to find a solution, but later hear that someone else found the greatest solution since sliced bread and it was what I suggested months or weeks earlier and was told it was a stupid idea.  Knowing that I have been fighting a losing battle, I have left him to figure stuff out for himself and I get to take pride in that I knew I was right.  He will never see it that way, but it gives me peace of mind that I am smarter than the bag of rocks that he thinks I am.  Darn shame that he has such a thick skull to actually see what I see and avoid the pitfalls before they happen, but it was his credit card and not mine... so I know that I am safe... for now.

Honest opinion.....

Just last night, I pondered the notion to go out and see some friends.  While this group of people are quite fun to be around, there is something missing and that is my best friend that I think of more as my sister than anyone out there.  While I miss her dearly, I decided to get my head out of reading yet another book and be a little more sociable.  I made a good choice by going out to see friends and I had a great time.  I just happened to need a little alone time with a beer to ponder how things have been lately and after leaving my friends, I ventured out to have a beer all alone.  This is not a normal thing for me.... having a beer all alone, that is....  but I managed to learn something about myself by having that experience.  While I do not suggest that people go and do something that is considered a social thing all alone, there is something that needed to be said about my experience.

I am a very sociable person.  People seem to gravitate towards me.  I have noticed on occasion that people feel compelled to share things with me without asking for it.  I am not sure if it is a gift or if it is a curse, but I see myself as a fairly reasonable and honest person.  I have taken pride that if a person is secure enough to ask me a question....  I will give a totally honest answer.  Now, not all my answers are embraced as what they want to hear, but I do have a knack to diffuse the potential reaction that could pose as unfavorable.  Probably because I answer them with a smile on my face after making sure that they really need the honest to God truth.  While my honesty seems to be appreciated, I happened to notice that people tend to see my point of view in a reasonable light along with the observation that they believe that I am quite smart.  I chuckle at the notion that I am smart, but I will admit that I am very observant.  Just get a few beers in me and my filter to keep my observations under wraps is broken or severely malfunctioning.  I have no ill will towards these people that I manage to observe in a less than favorable light, it does being across some questions that may pose as I am overly critical or insecure.  The difference is in how I choose to perceive it.

Well, after leaving the BBQ/party at a friend's house, I headed off to a bar close to home to have one beer alone as a release of sorts.  With my recent embracing of "I don't give a rat's furry behind" attitude, I still have moments of curiosity to why people act as they do.  I guess it is more of a what are you thinking kind-of observation.  As each action (or inaction) offers a result, it is the foundation of why we choose to act they way we do that has me thinking.  As I decided to take a "breather" from the crowd inside the bar by stepping outside and embracing the much cooler weather that finally came along, I ended up talking to a couple of complete strangers.  The tomboy in me seems to appeal to the male species more so than the female species.  Probably because I appear in a very non-threatening way....  I am no longer in the singles scene and I do not appear needy for attention.  You all know what I am talking about.... those people that overcompensate their appearance to get the attention of the opposite sex.  I prefer comfort over fashion with my shorts and over-sized t-shirt.  I do not wear heels and tight stuff when I am out and about.  Gym shoes or a comfy pair of flip-flops are my style.... totally relaxed.  Well, the conversation ended up being about really random stuff like... where is the best place to get a burger at that late of the hour and how the past week of sweltering heat was so brutal.  Then, the conversation took a turn and one guy asked me how women seem to gravitate towards to the "bad boys" and leave the really nice ones in the dust.  Probably because there was this "attractive", yet sleazy looking woman was hanging all over this really huge and scary looking biker dude in view of myself and this person that created the curiosity.  While the biker dude was not scary looking in my eyes... he was quite tall, muscular and very tough looking, I did not seem to understand the problem this person had.  Well, this guy really needed to know why he seemed to be left in the dust all the time and asked me for an honest answer (because I am a girl, you know), and I gave him this answer....

"Women gravitate towards the tough guy/bad boy because women (especially young and clueless ones), believe that they can change him."

As this guy looked shocked at my answer, I knew I had to clarify just a bit more.  While men and women happen to have the same needs... it is the women that take a challenge to a completely different level.  Men are more external while women are more prone to internal things.  Men prefer more visual cues while women seek hidden vulnerability.  If a woman can find a big, strong man that can be tough to the world, but vulnerable enough to share his feeling with only her....  she has accomplished the ultimate goal.  Women are ones to never admit that they need a hero in their lives.  We are a lot stronger than what most men give us credit for.  In a very twisted view....  woman have the "hero complex" when they believe they can change a man for the better. Women seek not just love from a man, but lust.  We want to be desired.  No wonder why women get frustrated after the wooing stage of relationships  Men are capable to be the right amount of challenge and the right amount of lust until they know that they have the love of the woman they seek, and will revert back to who they are once they reach a level of comfort (like a fuzzy pair of slippers or your favorite sweatpants) in a relationship.  If the threat of a woman was to stray, men will either dole out more attention to their women or walk away.  It all boils down to their need to have that woman in their life.  Sadly, there is an ugly side to relationships.  It is the comfort zone.  Once a couple gets comfortable around each other....  the visual appearance changes.  Women and men seem to lack focus on their personal appearance.  Those cute outfits that women wear to snare the attention of a man get replaced with stuff you would normally see them wearing while doing the laundry.  Men gain weight and let their muscle tone become replaced with a beer gut.  If the relationship was based upon physical appearance instead of mental/emotional connection.... the relationship either dies or becomes an annoyance.  The wandering eye starts to resurface or the need for beer goggles becomes stronger.  I should know.  This is what I am seeing in my marriage.  While I am trying to return to the physical appearance where I felt most confident, I overcompensated elsewhere to feverishly try to get the attention that I feel is lacking in my life and failing miserably.  I thought I had a more mental/emotional connection with DH, but I am starting to believe that he saw it as more physical/visual.  Sadly, age is never a kind thing.  Things will start to sag and wrinkle.  While women tend to see beyond the surface, I have come to the conclusion that men prefer to keep their sights on only the surface of things.  It is a rare few that look beyond the physical appearance and attach to the mental connection and remain happily together, but on average.... there is more that choose the exterior view than internal.

I decided that the discussion was good enough for the evening and excused myself to go home.  I was getting tired.  After my kind farewell, I got one thing out of the conversation.....  a compliment that was not necessary and lacks foundation.....  I was told that I am very smart.  My reply was.... "No, I am not smart... I am observant.  What I happened to have observed over the years is from opening my eyes and paying attention to details that people tend to overlook.  What I learn does not make me smarter... it just helps me understand a little better a point of view.  If I was truly smarter.... I would never experience life."

Isn't that what life is about?  What we manage to learn through observation and experience is how we obtain the tools needed to survive?

Thanks for reading and have a great day everyone!!

No, I am NOT crying!

Allergies!  If you do not have them..... I highly recommend them.  Especially during probably one of the most unstable year of weather, might I add.  It is just glorious, I tell ya!!  The constant watering of the eyes is to die for, especially when you need to wear makeup to go to work, the store, or to the corner mailbox.  The puffy, itchy eyes is just a glorious feeling.... and then add some huge sneezing fits with congestion to the mix.

My usual arsenal of allergy control stuff just cannot keep up with the fun.  I am not sure if it is the fact that my allergy meds are fighting two things at once.  My reading marathon started with a BANG and I have never been one to stay in the house for hours upon hours every day.  I go outside to at least enjoy the weather from time to time with my book of the moment.  Yep, cranking through a book a day seems to be the pace I have going on.  Well, the books are a fun read and it is my escape from the mundane.  Well, apparently, I am a mosquito buffet every time I go outside.  With the weather being absolutely sweltering and virtually no rain in the forecast that should not bring the mosquitoes to life, I thought I had a fighting chance.  I WAS WRONG!  Those little buggars have been feasting on my every time I go outside and I have bites upon bites as my battle scars.  With my allergies having zero relief, I now seem to be more reactive to the bites and my allergy medicines are picking the supposed easiest thing to battle and leaving me all congested, watery, and sneeze-ridden.  Itching in only random places that have been hit like a scatter of buckshot, my right arm looks like I an healing from a light brush with poison ivy.  The top of my left foot has been exfoliated within an inch of its existence, and I think a few very sneaky ones bit me on the side of my head.  Darn book reading had me clueless to the barrage of those nasty little menaces to society pulling a no-bars-held attack on me.  Will it make me quit my enjoyment of reading this summer?  Nope.  I am almost at the 18th book of a series that I figured that I would have ceased to read after the 12th book.  I am too determined to complete things I started.


So as I wake up in the morning, I try to rub away the haze that is still in my eyes and snarl at my reflection in the mirror, thinking it is an improvement to look like a nasty fighter after 5 rounds of being smacked around.  Heck, I am just missing the cuts and bruises, but the look is quite impressive.  Then I come to my senses and decide to take my shower, get dressed and put some makeup on.  At least makeup can hide the ugliness that allergies manage to push to the surface, right?  Of course, it is a short-lived fix because my eyes keep watering and wash off my makeup.  Well to one eye, at least.  My body likes to make everything a challenge.  Once I reapply to one eye, things settle just enough to feel confident that I look okay.  Usually by noon, my makeup gets rubbed off from the itchy eyes that plague me the rest of the day.

So here I am....  looking like a prize fighter in drag makeup and ready to face the day.  I can only guess that is why DH is less than interested in looking at me.  I thought it was because of my weight, but I guess after all that praying to God that he could at least look at me with love in his eyes because my face is probably the only thing that looks okay on me has failed.  Yep, God has a sense of humor and I am the butt of the joke.  Oh well....  New attitude that I embraced tells me that I should not give a furry rats behind, and that is what I intend to have.  While secretly hoping that the forces that be can find another victim, I am ready to face the day.  Already a year older (my birthday was Sunday) and I even filled it with going to work and all the other usual routine that Sundays are in my house.  Eventually, I will get myself that celebratory birthday beer and chalk up another year to look forward to....  less pretty and obviously nowhere near getting to my fighting weight.  DH's gift was an impersonally signed birthday card and a bag or Reese's Peanut Butter cups.  Those tasty little cups did not go to waste....  they are currently residing on my waist, hips, and everywhere else.  Nice to know that DH remembered that I am on a diet, right?  Oh heck!  I would been happy with a 6-pack of Miller Light and he knows it.  UGH!  Oh well.... life goes on.  Waking up to being on the top side of the sod is the start of a potentially good day.  The only way it is going to be a good one is to do what you can to not let the little little stuff drag you down.  Rise and conquer is my motto for today.  So what if I can give Quasimoto, the bell ringer in Notre Dame a run for his money.  It is all my allergies fault, right?  I sure hope so.....

Have a great day and thanks for reading yet another flossing moment of mine ;)