Okay, if you think that this is about an eating disorder... think again. This is about Spring Cleaning and what I really think about it......
Ever notice that every Spring, we get a renewed sense of energy clean your house.... I mean REALLY clean your house?
Somehow, we manage to have things that seem to multiply over the winter months, or so we think. Basically, we tend to overlook Christmas and all the things we manage to purchase as gifts to one another... and the stuff we manage to buy ourselves as the need arises during the holiday season. I'll admit it... I hate shopping, but if I have to go to the store, I manage to leave with more than what was on the list... especially when it comes to non-food items. If it is on sale, I seem to be inclined to join the bandwagon and buy. Especially when it comes to those special "buy one, get one free" deals. Chances are, I really only need one thing, but getting something free is a definite draw to purchasing in excess. I believe I have enough shower gel to last me a year since the store Bath and Body Works offers such great deals whenever I go in there. Same thing goes for haircare products. Being a hairdresser, I have access to deals-a-plenty from vendors whenever I pick up a few things I need for work. T-shirts, socks, and the such seem to have multiplied also. Now, I know that these are things we need, but somehow, we tend to be forgetful about getting rid of something when we get something new. Old, and worn out socks need to be tossed, old t-shirts, jeans, and sweaters really do not need to keep residence once you lose count of what you have. Having a child makes things just as difficult when they get too old for certain toys and outgrow their clothes, but seem to have an attachment to them. As for books.... well, I think I should just utilize the library that much more since I have enough books to fill a wing of the library that I have read and do not intend to read again.
I just find it so interesting that in the time of an economic crisis, we still have too much stuff. Being on a strict budget for almost 2 years, we still manage to have things to donate. I will admit that there is still stuff that I know we will never use again in my home, but cannot seem to part with it. Call it sentimental value, but knowing that I am not planning on having another child should be the deciding factor to finally part with DD's baby stuff (ya know... crib, diaper bags, bottles and such). I even have things that I not even seen in years popping up in my Spring Cleaning adventure that I still feel compelled to keep. I fear that I have the capability of becoming a closet hoarder since my house may look clean on site, but open a closet and.... BAM! my secret is exposed. Oh, I have excuses for keeping 4 winter coats even though I am one person, and I probably have the same number of excuses why I have 4 pairs of gym shoes, 5 pairs of sandals, 5 pairs of boots and 2 pairs of slippers when I have only two feet.
Realizing that we live in a binge and purge society with tendencies of being a bit sentimental about it all, I am thankful that there is Spring Cleaning to put us in check and control the hidden hoarder in every one of us. I just hate trying to decide the fate of something when I spent money to purchase it. What makes it even harder is to purge things that were given as a gift. The whole thought process behind buying for another really makes the sentimental factor something into an undeniable force to reckon with.
Day one of Spring Cleaning was yesterday and I know I have not even made a real dent in it, but today is day number two. Believe me, this is getting harder and harder to accomplish. Especially, when DH has not purged ever and his stuff is actually hiding some of my stuff that I have not seen in years. He still has stuff in the gift boxes, stacked in the closet. I just don't know how to get him in the purging spirit so that this spring, I can actually do a thorough spring clean purge and get it over with..... I can't make him do it, I can only hope he gets the clue and gets the desire to do a little purging, too......
Doubtful.....
Oh well, maybe next spring, right?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tell me... is it bad to think this way?
Have you ever seen those commercial ads that have a person walking down the dirty streets of some third-world country with a cute, yet sad looking child walking with them, while talking about how if you donate just mere pennies a day, you can save their life?
*I tired to find the ad I saw yesterday on YouTube, but I could not find it.... sorry....*
Chances are, you have.
I just wonder really how much of your supposed "cost of a coffee every day" really is being used to help these children. You see, I happen to have a heart and believe that we are all responsible to help one another. I guess it comes down to the saying... "If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, he can eat for a lifetime." Now, I have seen these ads for years, still asking for help. Call me a cynic, but I have my doubts that little child is really suffering if they have clothes on, a clean face and brushed hair. Maybe I happen to agree with the sarcastic comment by Sam Kinnison about world hunger. Here is what I mean....
Seeing the sad child walking the streets with no shoes on, holding an empty plate with tears in their eyes... Sad thing to see, right? I just happen to think about other things surrounding this scenario.... A narrator that has his bottle of water, a camera crew with food in the truck, a director that has the only concern of making this ad look so sad that people will feel compelled to give away money they do not have to help these poor souls, but get a really nice paycheck to take his family to Disney World in sunny Orlando, Florida. Can you see my point of view? Yes, Sam Kinnison was quite funny about his spin to help cure world hunger, but it has such a ring of truth to it.
I have a slightly different feeling when it comes to animals. The ads for the ASPCA really are painful to watch. Seeing the sad eyes to dogs and cats that have been abused and malnourished angers me, but makes me want to cry. I am an animal lover to the core. I would love to be a part of helping those solemn creatures that show unconditional love, but sadly, a majority of the shelters have placed a large price tag to bring one home. The economy has squashed my hopes of doing my part in bringing a furry little friend into my home.
I do happen to see a pattern when it comes to these TV ads.... They are both educational when it comes to telling us that life is not easy. There is pain and strife everywhere, but money is not necessarily the solution if these ads have been running for years. A new concept must be seen in order to make the biggest change to the dilemmas that people and animals face..... Compassion is one thing, but to constantly beg for money should not be the other. Yep, it is sad to admit this.... but I am not the one that gets letters with pictures of the person or animal that I helped with my donations of mere pennies a day because I do not have pennies to spare. I am the one that feels compelled to have an opinion and an idea. If you cannot grow food where you live... you need to move. If you really want to give a good home to an animal, make it cheaper to adopt for families that are capable of giving them a loving home. If you really care about making a change, you need to lower the cost to make it affordable to all. Destroy the greed and chances are, the problems in this world would become less and maybe just go away.... It all boils down to doing something for the greater good of it all...
So tell me... is it bad to think that these ads that beg for money are just ploys to line some foundations pockets instead of really making a difference?
Monday, March 28, 2011
The pitfalls of denial.....
The Lenten season has already started, in fact it has almost been 3 weeks. Being one of Catholic faith, Lent is a period of time that people are to reflect, pray and sacrifice something in remembrance of the sacrifices that Jesus Christ did for us so willingly. It starts on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter Sunday. Everyone chooses something to give up. To me, it is something I do to bring myself closer to my faith. During this time, we also do not eat meat on Ash Wednesday and every Friday for this period until Easter comes. Though, I do not claim that I am perfect, I try to follow the required practice. Every faith does things differently, and I am okay with that, but this is what I happen to do every year. Well, this year, I thought long and hard about what I am willing to give up for those 40 days, which, in all honesty is longer than that because I do count Sundays as opposed to what is stated as in the easiest terms of being called "free days" for the season and allow you to have what you gave up. Call me "hard core", but I know that once I fall off the wagon, I stay off the wagon.
After long and hard thought, I gave up bread and pasta. I figured it would be easier than giving up chocolate, but after the first few days, I realized that I placed myself on a challenge that makes giving up chocolate something as easy as a walk in the park compared to what bread and pasta does for a person. Apparently, I did not think this through well enough, but as determined as I am, I took this challenge and is struggling silently just fine. In hindsight, I figured that I needed to lose some weight and if I gave up bread, the weight should just fall off... HA! Just trying to figure how to have a sandwich without bread has become a challenge because I really do not see having a PB & J on lettuce being really all that appealing. Potatoes and rice have become my starch staples and after almost 3 weeks, I think I am starting to hate food... especially potatoes and rice. I still like vegetables, but they are even getting a little mundane.
I do have to admit one thing.... When denied one thing for a while, a person tends to lean upon something else for balance. Well, mine has been chocolate. Since I did not deny myself that tasty tidbit, I am having it all the time. Instead of filling up with bread, I am now filling up with chocolate. Hmmm.... I don't see this being an even swap. One candy bar has more calories than 2 slices of bread and one candy bar is way smaller than a sandwich... I guess that is why when an alcoholic turns their back on alcohol, they become coffee addicts and when a smoker that quits smoking gains weight because they replaced their cigarette with food. It is all about trying to balance things, but sadly, we tend to find a new vice to take over the one you gave up. Realizing this just made it really clear about how I tend to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I have zero ability to balance!!
But how does one find balance?
Well, that is a journey I need to face. I need to figure out how to balance when I have apparently lost the ability. Going from a chubby kid, to an borderline anorexic in high school, and back to a heavy adult. It appears that I go from one extreme to the next. I need to figure out how to do enough of one thing and enough of another. This is going to be one interesting experiment. I just hope I can figure it out before this being heavy thing takes over and that the only thing I will not be ashamed of is my shoe size. DARN YOU magazines and TV and even that darn Barbie doll!! I strive to look as good as you all portray and even though if Barbie was at full size, she would look like a freak, and that photos are retouched for magazines... I want to look as good as all of you. I don't see me becoming that perfect, but at least I can be close enough, right? Now losing sight of why I made my sacrifice is really bothering me, but seeing how I manage to lack balance has shed a light that every person dieting can relate to. Well, I have 27 more days to figure out how to balance and maybe lose a pound or two in the process..... I sure hope so.... 27 more days without bread and pasta is starting to look like an eternity.....
After long and hard thought, I gave up bread and pasta. I figured it would be easier than giving up chocolate, but after the first few days, I realized that I placed myself on a challenge that makes giving up chocolate something as easy as a walk in the park compared to what bread and pasta does for a person. Apparently, I did not think this through well enough, but as determined as I am, I took this challenge and is struggling silently just fine. In hindsight, I figured that I needed to lose some weight and if I gave up bread, the weight should just fall off... HA! Just trying to figure how to have a sandwich without bread has become a challenge because I really do not see having a PB & J on lettuce being really all that appealing. Potatoes and rice have become my starch staples and after almost 3 weeks, I think I am starting to hate food... especially potatoes and rice. I still like vegetables, but they are even getting a little mundane.
I do have to admit one thing.... When denied one thing for a while, a person tends to lean upon something else for balance. Well, mine has been chocolate. Since I did not deny myself that tasty tidbit, I am having it all the time. Instead of filling up with bread, I am now filling up with chocolate. Hmmm.... I don't see this being an even swap. One candy bar has more calories than 2 slices of bread and one candy bar is way smaller than a sandwich... I guess that is why when an alcoholic turns their back on alcohol, they become coffee addicts and when a smoker that quits smoking gains weight because they replaced their cigarette with food. It is all about trying to balance things, but sadly, we tend to find a new vice to take over the one you gave up. Realizing this just made it really clear about how I tend to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I have zero ability to balance!!
But how does one find balance?
Well, that is a journey I need to face. I need to figure out how to balance when I have apparently lost the ability. Going from a chubby kid, to an borderline anorexic in high school, and back to a heavy adult. It appears that I go from one extreme to the next. I need to figure out how to do enough of one thing and enough of another. This is going to be one interesting experiment. I just hope I can figure it out before this being heavy thing takes over and that the only thing I will not be ashamed of is my shoe size. DARN YOU magazines and TV and even that darn Barbie doll!! I strive to look as good as you all portray and even though if Barbie was at full size, she would look like a freak, and that photos are retouched for magazines... I want to look as good as all of you. I don't see me becoming that perfect, but at least I can be close enough, right? Now losing sight of why I made my sacrifice is really bothering me, but seeing how I manage to lack balance has shed a light that every person dieting can relate to. Well, I have 27 more days to figure out how to balance and maybe lose a pound or two in the process..... I sure hope so.... 27 more days without bread and pasta is starting to look like an eternity.....
Thursday, March 24, 2011
High Anxiety....
Feeling dizzy and weak...Breathing gets faster...Shaking and trembling...Mind is racing...Heart is racing...Fear sets in...Losing control........
That is what anxiety is all about. It is the roller coaster ride that is not all that fun.
I was never one to have an anxiety issue, well, that is until almost 13 years ago. It is something that does not come up in conversations. In my youth, I was pretty much an adventure seeker. Not a real crazy one that sought out things to defy death like free falling from a plane, or walking on a tightrope with no safety net underneath, but I did try to step out of the comfort zone here and there. I guess you can call my level of adventure a controlled release of adrenaline; just enough thrill to make things interesting, but safe enough that I knew I would walk away unscathed. I have my share of fears... Everyone does. It is different for everyone. I think there is only one fear that people handle differently, but we all fear it.....
It is death.
I recall hearing this one comment a long time ago, and it has a ring of truth to it.... "The moment we are conceived, we begin life. The moment after we are born, we are beginning our descent into death."
Yep, pretty morbid thinking, but it is so true. Nobody really ever knows when it is our time to "punch out" on this thing called life. No matter how long you have, it is never long enough. We will always feel that we never really finished what we were supposed to do. I guess that is why I put too much effort in others... especially when it comes to my daughter. I have a job that has been placed upon me and I want to do it right.
I have always wondered why I had my first panic attack well before DD was born. As memory serves me, I do recall starting a new job a week before getting married, I had a sick German Shepherd at home, and of course, handling the final arrangements for the wedding alone since DH was only planning his part of "showing up". I can only gather that the stress level I experienced was enough to push anyone over the edge. Any normal person would believe that once everything settles down, there is no more anxiety to deal with. When it comes to anxiety, it has no shut off switch. Once it starts, it never stops, but there are times that it does fade into the back of your mind. It is that constant reminder that we really have no control over everything.
The mind is such a complex thing. It remembers experiences, random facts, people, things, places, and such. It also has the ability to affect thinking and feeling. I guess the reason for my sharing this is because I am using this blog as a release of things. A way to let loose the things trapped in my mind that either bother me or confine me; a way to keep my mind clear so I can keep that damn anxiety hidden way back in my mind; to release me from the shackles of fear and face life with faith that I am not alone. Maybe become understood that much more. To share that life is more than just challenges we face, but feelings we cannot deny.
I have battled anxiety for years and without medications, my fears have subsided, I embrace life, I have accepted the inevitable, and I have my faith to keep me going.
Thanks for reading :)
Just remember.... "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a compliment to say it is brave."
That is what anxiety is all about. It is the roller coaster ride that is not all that fun.
I was never one to have an anxiety issue, well, that is until almost 13 years ago. It is something that does not come up in conversations. In my youth, I was pretty much an adventure seeker. Not a real crazy one that sought out things to defy death like free falling from a plane, or walking on a tightrope with no safety net underneath, but I did try to step out of the comfort zone here and there. I guess you can call my level of adventure a controlled release of adrenaline; just enough thrill to make things interesting, but safe enough that I knew I would walk away unscathed. I have my share of fears... Everyone does. It is different for everyone. I think there is only one fear that people handle differently, but we all fear it.....
It is death.
I recall hearing this one comment a long time ago, and it has a ring of truth to it.... "The moment we are conceived, we begin life. The moment after we are born, we are beginning our descent into death."
Yep, pretty morbid thinking, but it is so true. Nobody really ever knows when it is our time to "punch out" on this thing called life. No matter how long you have, it is never long enough. We will always feel that we never really finished what we were supposed to do. I guess that is why I put too much effort in others... especially when it comes to my daughter. I have a job that has been placed upon me and I want to do it right.
I have always wondered why I had my first panic attack well before DD was born. As memory serves me, I do recall starting a new job a week before getting married, I had a sick German Shepherd at home, and of course, handling the final arrangements for the wedding alone since DH was only planning his part of "showing up". I can only gather that the stress level I experienced was enough to push anyone over the edge. Any normal person would believe that once everything settles down, there is no more anxiety to deal with. When it comes to anxiety, it has no shut off switch. Once it starts, it never stops, but there are times that it does fade into the back of your mind. It is that constant reminder that we really have no control over everything.
The mind is such a complex thing. It remembers experiences, random facts, people, things, places, and such. It also has the ability to affect thinking and feeling. I guess the reason for my sharing this is because I am using this blog as a release of things. A way to let loose the things trapped in my mind that either bother me or confine me; a way to keep my mind clear so I can keep that damn anxiety hidden way back in my mind; to release me from the shackles of fear and face life with faith that I am not alone. Maybe become understood that much more. To share that life is more than just challenges we face, but feelings we cannot deny.
I have battled anxiety for years and without medications, my fears have subsided, I embrace life, I have accepted the inevitable, and I have my faith to keep me going.
Thanks for reading :)
Just remember.... "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a compliment to say it is brave."
And...
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. "
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. "
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Maybe I should quit....
Being the stubborn person that I tend to be, I realized that there needs to be a time to just throw my hands in the air and give up. I try so hard to be as helpful as possible and no matter how hard I try, it falls on deaf ears. Maybe I explain things too much to both DD and DH. Maybe I have become too opinionated and I need to be more Fonzie-esque when talking to both of them, or anyone (come to think of it).
What I mean by being Fonzie-esque is this..... Just a simple, little comment or sound that keeps me aloof from it all. Only two shows portrayed that type of attitude... Fonzie with his saying of "Aaaaa" with his thumbs up in the air on Happy Days and Steven Hyde with his "Whatever" spin on things on That 70's Show. Both have totally different attitudes, but just using those two little catchphrases seem to have enough oomph to get pretty far. Maybe I will add a few other little comments when it is needed that can very from... "sucks to be you", "well, that just bites", and "well, isn't that so special".
I can only assume that putting in more effort than those around you is a one-way ticket to being frustrated all the time. I know that when I was in the 9-5 grind of being in an office, I got burnt out pretty fast doing the work of 3 or 4 others because I believed that hard work is what gets you to go far in life to only learn that being the hardest worker does not open doors for growth when your boss is one of the lazy ones holding you back. Apparently, being over protective and taking responsibility to the next level only puts you in a bad place all the time because the ones in your care lack concern because someone else is already doing all the worrying for them.
It took me to get to this point in life to realize that I have become my mother. That lovely woman, being so opinionated, so over protective, so strict and tough tried to teach me what life is about and to be informed about the different angles people tend to portray themselves. There were times I remember feeling like I was being treated like a moron because I was basically denied to experience life my own way. Basically, all she was trying to do was teach me how to live a better life compared to how she lived hers. Well, isn't that what all parents try to do for their kids? Guide them on the right path, avoid the pitfalls, do your best, and reach for the stars? To be honest in a dishonest world? To be trustworthy when there is reason to not trust others fully? To be nice, but be able to have the courage and strength to stand up and fight for what is right? To know how to balance being focused and serious to just having some fun? I can only gather that understanding this as an adult is easier because as children, we tend to believe that our parents are just people that are "off their rocker" that much easier. I can only gather that those first 11 years of DD's life was for me to lay the groundwork and only hope that she takes hold of what was said because I believe that my efforts now are a total waste of energy and are really draining me of what happiness I have left in me that keep me going. My life is becoming unbalanced and it is about time I get a grip.
Quitting the effort is going to be scary. Life as we knew it has changed. People are not as generous, kind, honest, and caring as they were back in the day. There are violent people out there. Doors are locked at night, alarm systems are set, and all adults are on a constant state of alert about the dangers out there. Rape, murder, robberies, and gangs have moved into the suburbs. Jails are overcrowded, sexual predators and supposed non-violent offenders are given the ability to spend their time in their homes. Released child predators and rapists have homes everywhere. I know that there are some in my neighborhood, how about you? Leopards do not change their spots, but they do find a way to blend in better. Just hearing about things like that scare me to bits.
DD's recent lying spree really lowered my trust level, but I guess that trying so hard to protect her is just pushing her farther and farther away. I wish I had a solution, but I don't. Feeling torn, but knowing that rebellion is just a few years away, I can only hope that she is smart enough to be safe. I just hope she knows that I will be there for her if she needs me, but I have to quit being the one that "does it all".
What I mean by being Fonzie-esque is this..... Just a simple, little comment or sound that keeps me aloof from it all. Only two shows portrayed that type of attitude... Fonzie with his saying of "Aaaaa" with his thumbs up in the air on Happy Days and Steven Hyde with his "Whatever" spin on things on That 70's Show. Both have totally different attitudes, but just using those two little catchphrases seem to have enough oomph to get pretty far. Maybe I will add a few other little comments when it is needed that can very from... "sucks to be you", "well, that just bites", and "well, isn't that so special".
I can only assume that putting in more effort than those around you is a one-way ticket to being frustrated all the time. I know that when I was in the 9-5 grind of being in an office, I got burnt out pretty fast doing the work of 3 or 4 others because I believed that hard work is what gets you to go far in life to only learn that being the hardest worker does not open doors for growth when your boss is one of the lazy ones holding you back. Apparently, being over protective and taking responsibility to the next level only puts you in a bad place all the time because the ones in your care lack concern because someone else is already doing all the worrying for them.
It took me to get to this point in life to realize that I have become my mother. That lovely woman, being so opinionated, so over protective, so strict and tough tried to teach me what life is about and to be informed about the different angles people tend to portray themselves. There were times I remember feeling like I was being treated like a moron because I was basically denied to experience life my own way. Basically, all she was trying to do was teach me how to live a better life compared to how she lived hers. Well, isn't that what all parents try to do for their kids? Guide them on the right path, avoid the pitfalls, do your best, and reach for the stars? To be honest in a dishonest world? To be trustworthy when there is reason to not trust others fully? To be nice, but be able to have the courage and strength to stand up and fight for what is right? To know how to balance being focused and serious to just having some fun? I can only gather that understanding this as an adult is easier because as children, we tend to believe that our parents are just people that are "off their rocker" that much easier. I can only gather that those first 11 years of DD's life was for me to lay the groundwork and only hope that she takes hold of what was said because I believe that my efforts now are a total waste of energy and are really draining me of what happiness I have left in me that keep me going. My life is becoming unbalanced and it is about time I get a grip.
Quitting the effort is going to be scary. Life as we knew it has changed. People are not as generous, kind, honest, and caring as they were back in the day. There are violent people out there. Doors are locked at night, alarm systems are set, and all adults are on a constant state of alert about the dangers out there. Rape, murder, robberies, and gangs have moved into the suburbs. Jails are overcrowded, sexual predators and supposed non-violent offenders are given the ability to spend their time in their homes. Released child predators and rapists have homes everywhere. I know that there are some in my neighborhood, how about you? Leopards do not change their spots, but they do find a way to blend in better. Just hearing about things like that scare me to bits.
DD's recent lying spree really lowered my trust level, but I guess that trying so hard to protect her is just pushing her farther and farther away. I wish I had a solution, but I don't. Feeling torn, but knowing that rebellion is just a few years away, I can only hope that she is smart enough to be safe. I just hope she knows that I will be there for her if she needs me, but I have to quit being the one that "does it all".
Monday, March 21, 2011
Learning curve, I think...
Blogging clears the mind... or so I have heard, but does it ease the fears??? Not sure about that one.....
I am going to try to make this as short as possible and maybe I can figure a solution.....
Today, DD went rollerskating with a friend. I usually have no problem with letting her go hang out with friends and I believe that I can trust their parents enough that they are responsible enough to be there. Especially when they are dealing with children under the age of 13. After today's story from DD, I just don't know what to do.
Well, in the course of a little over an hour, DD managed to lose every penny she had managed to save since Christmas because I apparently do too much thinking for her and decided to let her take on a little responsibility. DD went to the roller rink with $50 and did not tell me that she was going to do that. Apparently with no clue how much it was going to cost, she decided to take every penny she earned with her and placed it in her pocket. After getting there, she paid to get in, rented her skates, and sat down to put her skates on and did not bother to put her money back into her pocket. She set it on her chair, placed her shoes under the chair, and proceeded to go have fun. Once she realized that she left her money on a chair (all $42 left of it), she went back to get it after a 20 minute skate around the rink to find it gone. Well, I was not surprised that was going to happen. I was just surprised that when I asked where her friend's mom was that took them there. She was apparently sitting in her car in the parking lot and did not go in to watch the girls skate. Gee, I might be completely wrong, but I would have figured that if you have children in your care, you would be actually in view of them at all times. In fact, if she was in the building with them, she would have made sure that if DD left her money out in the open, she would have put it in a safe place so it would not have gotten lost. I can only gather that she decided to give the girls a little independence and let them have fun without "mom" watching them like little children.
I guess it is called a "learning curve" ; an opportunity to prove to an adult that regardless that you are too young to drive or vote, can be responsible to be left alone for a short period of time. Parents do this usually when the child becomes a teenager. I would have figured that at the age of 13, they are ready to take on a little independence at the parent's discretion. I just did not think that a parent watching a couple of 11 year old girls (and one of them is not hers) thinks it is a good idea to test that theory at a roller rink. Not sure that I can trust this parent with my child again after hearing that they did not bother watching when it is intended that they are to be. If she feels her child is responsible enough to be on her own at 11, does not necessarily mean that every child is that responsible. My daughter is very bright, but apparently not bright enough to remember that she should have put her money back into her pocket. Now, she is learning a costly lesson because I do not reimburse Christmas money that was mismanaged and/or lost while not in my care. You see, I would have been there if I was to be the parent in charge. I know that there are plenty of dishonest people out there that would take your last dollar and not care if it hurts you or not. What disappoints me the most is that I thought I taught my daughter some common sense when it comes to things like this and if it was to happen, to go to the front office and at least ask if someone saw her money and turned it in. Sadly, DD did not think about doing that and after she came home, she decided to tell me about losing $42 at the roller rink. I grabbed the phone and called there to report her lost money, knowing that it is gone, I figured that there might be a chance that there are still some honest people out there and it was turned in. Well, the rink is closed and I left a message anyway. Maybe we will get a return call tomorrow that her money was found, but I am not holding my breath for that.
I just wonder if I really do too much thinking for my child. I give DD some independence, but I always take responsibility for her to a fault. Maybe my cynical nature puts me in protect mode all the time and when it comes to safety, I have a tendency to be a safety fanatic. Honest to a fault is what makes me fear that DD has become too trusting of everyone because I am the "ball-breaker of a mother" to keep her safe and only allow her to be around kids with parents that are a lot like me. Keeping her protected must have been the mistake I have been making because I don't let things get out of hand when it comes to her. Since I apparently do all the thinking for her, I now have a child that is lacking common sense. This scares me, but how can I just sit by and watch a person "hang themselves" by making mistakes that I clearly know could happen? This just makes me sick to my stomach and I still have not called this other parent about my feelings and I think it will be better if I just don't. I just have no clue how to get DD to realize that this is a learning curve and that worse things can happen if you do not remain focused at all times. I can only pray that she remembers this costly lesson.
I am going to try to make this as short as possible and maybe I can figure a solution.....
Today, DD went rollerskating with a friend. I usually have no problem with letting her go hang out with friends and I believe that I can trust their parents enough that they are responsible enough to be there. Especially when they are dealing with children under the age of 13. After today's story from DD, I just don't know what to do.
Well, in the course of a little over an hour, DD managed to lose every penny she had managed to save since Christmas because I apparently do too much thinking for her and decided to let her take on a little responsibility. DD went to the roller rink with $50 and did not tell me that she was going to do that. Apparently with no clue how much it was going to cost, she decided to take every penny she earned with her and placed it in her pocket. After getting there, she paid to get in, rented her skates, and sat down to put her skates on and did not bother to put her money back into her pocket. She set it on her chair, placed her shoes under the chair, and proceeded to go have fun. Once she realized that she left her money on a chair (all $42 left of it), she went back to get it after a 20 minute skate around the rink to find it gone. Well, I was not surprised that was going to happen. I was just surprised that when I asked where her friend's mom was that took them there. She was apparently sitting in her car in the parking lot and did not go in to watch the girls skate. Gee, I might be completely wrong, but I would have figured that if you have children in your care, you would be actually in view of them at all times. In fact, if she was in the building with them, she would have made sure that if DD left her money out in the open, she would have put it in a safe place so it would not have gotten lost. I can only gather that she decided to give the girls a little independence and let them have fun without "mom" watching them like little children.
I guess it is called a "learning curve" ; an opportunity to prove to an adult that regardless that you are too young to drive or vote, can be responsible to be left alone for a short period of time. Parents do this usually when the child becomes a teenager. I would have figured that at the age of 13, they are ready to take on a little independence at the parent's discretion. I just did not think that a parent watching a couple of 11 year old girls (and one of them is not hers) thinks it is a good idea to test that theory at a roller rink. Not sure that I can trust this parent with my child again after hearing that they did not bother watching when it is intended that they are to be. If she feels her child is responsible enough to be on her own at 11, does not necessarily mean that every child is that responsible. My daughter is very bright, but apparently not bright enough to remember that she should have put her money back into her pocket. Now, she is learning a costly lesson because I do not reimburse Christmas money that was mismanaged and/or lost while not in my care. You see, I would have been there if I was to be the parent in charge. I know that there are plenty of dishonest people out there that would take your last dollar and not care if it hurts you or not. What disappoints me the most is that I thought I taught my daughter some common sense when it comes to things like this and if it was to happen, to go to the front office and at least ask if someone saw her money and turned it in. Sadly, DD did not think about doing that and after she came home, she decided to tell me about losing $42 at the roller rink. I grabbed the phone and called there to report her lost money, knowing that it is gone, I figured that there might be a chance that there are still some honest people out there and it was turned in. Well, the rink is closed and I left a message anyway. Maybe we will get a return call tomorrow that her money was found, but I am not holding my breath for that.
I just wonder if I really do too much thinking for my child. I give DD some independence, but I always take responsibility for her to a fault. Maybe my cynical nature puts me in protect mode all the time and when it comes to safety, I have a tendency to be a safety fanatic. Honest to a fault is what makes me fear that DD has become too trusting of everyone because I am the "ball-breaker of a mother" to keep her safe and only allow her to be around kids with parents that are a lot like me. Keeping her protected must have been the mistake I have been making because I don't let things get out of hand when it comes to her. Since I apparently do all the thinking for her, I now have a child that is lacking common sense. This scares me, but how can I just sit by and watch a person "hang themselves" by making mistakes that I clearly know could happen? This just makes me sick to my stomach and I still have not called this other parent about my feelings and I think it will be better if I just don't. I just have no clue how to get DD to realize that this is a learning curve and that worse things can happen if you do not remain focused at all times. I can only pray that she remembers this costly lesson.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The Warden......
Respect: In the dictionary, respect is a noun... Really? Definition: 1) an aspect 2) consideration for someone , verb, 3) to have good opinion of, look up to.
I find it so interesting that as a parent, we tend to expect a little respect from our children. We, as parents, do our best to have respect for our children and their feelings. The days of spankings are no longer valid. We are to put our children in "time out" and to discuss what is acceptable behavior and explain why they are being punished for not acceptable behavior. We live in a day and age that places more in being gentle regardless of the treatment we receive from others. Being PC is the thing... calling things as it is is considered rude. Common sense is out the window with warnings and precautions marked everywhere.
What can we do when every attempt at educating our children falls on deaf ears?
Is this gentler punishment that is considered the most effective really not effective at all?
Well, I can tell you all this..... I thought I had a good kid on my hands. I am a tough parent, but I am the only one that spends the most time with her. DH works long hours and really has not made the time to be a parent to our daughter. Most likely it is my fault. I never demanded more help from him. I am the full time parent and raising our child is my job. Well, that and to do all the cooking and cleaning, too. The only time I actually make DH spend quality time with her is on the weekends while I am off to work. Yep, I have high hopes for this little one, but realized today that she is way too much like her father. It is some defect in her DNA that makes her the class clown. Playing is more important than school and her recent report card is definite proof that she just might not be college material.
Spring fever has hit my house. DH is back driving his old VW Beetle with the top down, DD is really slacking off with her schoolwork and I am trying my hardest to keep DD on track with school. I am on the verge of a major clean-out of my home and is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of stuff my family has accumulated over the past year.
DD walked home today from school. She was not ready to face my inquisition about school and her homework that is needed to be done. In the past, I received notices about DD turning in her homework late or incomplete. As I was informed at the beginning of the year by her teacher that each child is responsible to do their own homework and parents are to not be involved. I was fine with that until the notices came pouring in. DH and I decided to step up our game, took away privileges until the required school work is done to our satisfaction. Well, that resulted in lies and hidden or forgotten homework. As I ask her about school, I get vague answers and BS about not having any homework to do. I found this odd since there is homework every day, so I look in her backpack. Relieved that she did not lie about having homework, but quite upset that she did not turn in stuff she already did days ago. I ask her "why" and I get attitude and a demand to go out and play.
I snapped. I explained again the importance of school for probably the 1000th time and I see her eyes glaze over. It suddenly hits me that those stories about DH not putting in effort in school hit me like a ton of bricks. She may look like me, but she is her father.... I realized that I have a long road ahead of me. I asked her why she did not turn in her homework and I get a shrug and a "I don't know".... well, that just pushed me over the edge.
For years, I believed that if you believe in another person and their abilities, they would keep trying and do their best. Apparently I am wrong because she refuses to even try. I have held the utmost respect for her and her space and she cannot give me a straight answer. She decided to cop a major attitude and my hand took on a life of its own and gave her a slap across the face. I feel just awful about it, but I can't take it back. I try to set an example by always reading something, and always trying to learn. I tried to be even more involved with her school and all her extra curricular activities. I know all her friends and their parents. I have respected her fashion choices since I am the one buying her clothes. I at least can take comfort that she does not dress like a hooker at 11, but now I am getting worried that she will find a way to slip that past me. Somehow her attitude was a slap in my face and my hand decided to give her an eye-for-an-eye moment... feel what I am feeling.
I figured that I had a few more years before she was to have zero respect for me and what I say. Now I know better. I just wonder how DH is going to handle dealing with the school when she acts up again because I am DONE listening to the lies that she has been shelling out at me. He needs to face the truth about her attitude and lack of interest in her school responsibilities. I am just saddened that my good little girl that is really bright is hurting only herself by her actions. As for me, I have turned into her worst nightmare. The trust wagon has left and she is no longer trustworthy. I thought I was doing the right thing all along by trusting her... Now I get the nickname DH's father got... I am now.... "The warden".
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