The Lenten season has already started, in fact it has almost been 3 weeks. Being one of Catholic faith, Lent is a period of time that people are to reflect, pray and sacrifice something in remembrance of the sacrifices that Jesus Christ did for us so willingly. It starts on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter Sunday. Everyone chooses something to give up. To me, it is something I do to bring myself closer to my faith. During this time, we also do not eat meat on Ash Wednesday and every Friday for this period until Easter comes. Though, I do not claim that I am perfect, I try to follow the required practice. Every faith does things differently, and I am okay with that, but this is what I happen to do every year. Well, this year, I thought long and hard about what I am willing to give up for those 40 days, which, in all honesty is longer than that because I do count Sundays as opposed to what is stated as in the easiest terms of being called "free days" for the season and allow you to have what you gave up. Call me "hard core", but I know that once I fall off the wagon, I stay off the wagon.
After long and hard thought, I gave up bread and pasta. I figured it would be easier than giving up chocolate, but after the first few days, I realized that I placed myself on a challenge that makes giving up chocolate something as easy as a walk in the park compared to what bread and pasta does for a person. Apparently, I did not think this through well enough, but as determined as I am, I took this challenge and is struggling silently just fine. In hindsight, I figured that I needed to lose some weight and if I gave up bread, the weight should just fall off... HA! Just trying to figure how to have a sandwich without bread has become a challenge because I really do not see having a PB & J on lettuce being really all that appealing. Potatoes and rice have become my starch staples and after almost 3 weeks, I think I am starting to hate food... especially potatoes and rice. I still like vegetables, but they are even getting a little mundane.
I do have to admit one thing.... When denied one thing for a while, a person tends to lean upon something else for balance. Well, mine has been chocolate. Since I did not deny myself that tasty tidbit, I am having it all the time. Instead of filling up with bread, I am now filling up with chocolate. Hmmm.... I don't see this being an even swap. One candy bar has more calories than 2 slices of bread and one candy bar is way smaller than a sandwich... I guess that is why when an alcoholic turns their back on alcohol, they become coffee addicts and when a smoker that quits smoking gains weight because they replaced their cigarette with food. It is all about trying to balance things, but sadly, we tend to find a new vice to take over the one you gave up. Realizing this just made it really clear about how I tend to sabotage my weight loss efforts. I have zero ability to balance!!
But how does one find balance?
Well, that is a journey I need to face. I need to figure out how to balance when I have apparently lost the ability. Going from a chubby kid, to an borderline anorexic in high school, and back to a heavy adult. It appears that I go from one extreme to the next. I need to figure out how to do enough of one thing and enough of another. This is going to be one interesting experiment. I just hope I can figure it out before this being heavy thing takes over and that the only thing I will not be ashamed of is my shoe size. DARN YOU magazines and TV and even that darn Barbie doll!! I strive to look as good as you all portray and even though if Barbie was at full size, she would look like a freak, and that photos are retouched for magazines... I want to look as good as all of you. I don't see me becoming that perfect, but at least I can be close enough, right? Now losing sight of why I made my sacrifice is really bothering me, but seeing how I manage to lack balance has shed a light that every person dieting can relate to. Well, I have 27 more days to figure out how to balance and maybe lose a pound or two in the process..... I sure hope so.... 27 more days without bread and pasta is starting to look like an eternity.....
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