Being the stubborn person that I tend to be, I realized that there needs to be a time to just throw my hands in the air and give up. I try so hard to be as helpful as possible and no matter how hard I try, it falls on deaf ears. Maybe I explain things too much to both DD and DH. Maybe I have become too opinionated and I need to be more Fonzie-esque when talking to both of them, or anyone (come to think of it).
What I mean by being Fonzie-esque is this..... Just a simple, little comment or sound that keeps me aloof from it all. Only two shows portrayed that type of attitude... Fonzie with his saying of "Aaaaa" with his thumbs up in the air on Happy Days and Steven Hyde with his "Whatever" spin on things on That 70's Show. Both have totally different attitudes, but just using those two little catchphrases seem to have enough oomph to get pretty far. Maybe I will add a few other little comments when it is needed that can very from... "sucks to be you", "well, that just bites", and "well, isn't that so special".
I can only assume that putting in more effort than those around you is a one-way ticket to being frustrated all the time. I know that when I was in the 9-5 grind of being in an office, I got burnt out pretty fast doing the work of 3 or 4 others because I believed that hard work is what gets you to go far in life to only learn that being the hardest worker does not open doors for growth when your boss is one of the lazy ones holding you back. Apparently, being over protective and taking responsibility to the next level only puts you in a bad place all the time because the ones in your care lack concern because someone else is already doing all the worrying for them.
It took me to get to this point in life to realize that I have become my mother. That lovely woman, being so opinionated, so over protective, so strict and tough tried to teach me what life is about and to be informed about the different angles people tend to portray themselves. There were times I remember feeling like I was being treated like a moron because I was basically denied to experience life my own way. Basically, all she was trying to do was teach me how to live a better life compared to how she lived hers. Well, isn't that what all parents try to do for their kids? Guide them on the right path, avoid the pitfalls, do your best, and reach for the stars? To be honest in a dishonest world? To be trustworthy when there is reason to not trust others fully? To be nice, but be able to have the courage and strength to stand up and fight for what is right? To know how to balance being focused and serious to just having some fun? I can only gather that understanding this as an adult is easier because as children, we tend to believe that our parents are just people that are "off their rocker" that much easier. I can only gather that those first 11 years of DD's life was for me to lay the groundwork and only hope that she takes hold of what was said because I believe that my efforts now are a total waste of energy and are really draining me of what happiness I have left in me that keep me going. My life is becoming unbalanced and it is about time I get a grip.
Quitting the effort is going to be scary. Life as we knew it has changed. People are not as generous, kind, honest, and caring as they were back in the day. There are violent people out there. Doors are locked at night, alarm systems are set, and all adults are on a constant state of alert about the dangers out there. Rape, murder, robberies, and gangs have moved into the suburbs. Jails are overcrowded, sexual predators and supposed non-violent offenders are given the ability to spend their time in their homes. Released child predators and rapists have homes everywhere. I know that there are some in my neighborhood, how about you? Leopards do not change their spots, but they do find a way to blend in better. Just hearing about things like that scare me to bits.
DD's recent lying spree really lowered my trust level, but I guess that trying so hard to protect her is just pushing her farther and farther away. I wish I had a solution, but I don't. Feeling torn, but knowing that rebellion is just a few years away, I can only hope that she is smart enough to be safe. I just hope she knows that I will be there for her if she needs me, but I have to quit being the one that "does it all".
It always seems to work out. Being a good mom is probably a lot of just letting them know you love them. They will always probably have to make their own mistakes still, and it helps kids to know they can always come to you.
ReplyDeleteKids are smart, and I am sure DD is too.
Good Luck. YIKES to parenting. :)
Kids need to learn from experience but it is too easy to become overprotective. There aren't as many bad people out there as the media would have us believe. Like your blog title by the way.
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