I find it so interesting that as a parent, we tend to expect a little respect from our children. We, as parents, do our best to have respect for our children and their feelings. The days of spankings are no longer valid. We are to put our children in "time out" and to discuss what is acceptable behavior and explain why they are being punished for not acceptable behavior. We live in a day and age that places more in being gentle regardless of the treatment we receive from others. Being PC is the thing... calling things as it is is considered rude. Common sense is out the window with warnings and precautions marked everywhere.
What can we do when every attempt at educating our children falls on deaf ears?
Is this gentler punishment that is considered the most effective really not effective at all?
Well, I can tell you all this..... I thought I had a good kid on my hands. I am a tough parent, but I am the only one that spends the most time with her. DH works long hours and really has not made the time to be a parent to our daughter. Most likely it is my fault. I never demanded more help from him. I am the full time parent and raising our child is my job. Well, that and to do all the cooking and cleaning, too. The only time I actually make DH spend quality time with her is on the weekends while I am off to work. Yep, I have high hopes for this little one, but realized today that she is way too much like her father. It is some defect in her DNA that makes her the class clown. Playing is more important than school and her recent report card is definite proof that she just might not be college material.
Spring fever has hit my house. DH is back driving his old VW Beetle with the top down, DD is really slacking off with her schoolwork and I am trying my hardest to keep DD on track with school. I am on the verge of a major clean-out of my home and is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of stuff my family has accumulated over the past year.
DD walked home today from school. She was not ready to face my inquisition about school and her homework that is needed to be done. In the past, I received notices about DD turning in her homework late or incomplete. As I was informed at the beginning of the year by her teacher that each child is responsible to do their own homework and parents are to not be involved. I was fine with that until the notices came pouring in. DH and I decided to step up our game, took away privileges until the required school work is done to our satisfaction. Well, that resulted in lies and hidden or forgotten homework. As I ask her about school, I get vague answers and BS about not having any homework to do. I found this odd since there is homework every day, so I look in her backpack. Relieved that she did not lie about having homework, but quite upset that she did not turn in stuff she already did days ago. I ask her "why" and I get attitude and a demand to go out and play.
I snapped. I explained again the importance of school for probably the 1000th time and I see her eyes glaze over. It suddenly hits me that those stories about DH not putting in effort in school hit me like a ton of bricks. She may look like me, but she is her father.... I realized that I have a long road ahead of me. I asked her why she did not turn in her homework and I get a shrug and a "I don't know".... well, that just pushed me over the edge.
For years, I believed that if you believe in another person and their abilities, they would keep trying and do their best. Apparently I am wrong because she refuses to even try. I have held the utmost respect for her and her space and she cannot give me a straight answer. She decided to cop a major attitude and my hand took on a life of its own and gave her a slap across the face. I feel just awful about it, but I can't take it back. I try to set an example by always reading something, and always trying to learn. I tried to be even more involved with her school and all her extra curricular activities. I know all her friends and their parents. I have respected her fashion choices since I am the one buying her clothes. I at least can take comfort that she does not dress like a hooker at 11, but now I am getting worried that she will find a way to slip that past me. Somehow her attitude was a slap in my face and my hand decided to give her an eye-for-an-eye moment... feel what I am feeling.
I figured that I had a few more years before she was to have zero respect for me and what I say. Now I know better. I just wonder how DH is going to handle dealing with the school when she acts up again because I am DONE listening to the lies that she has been shelling out at me. He needs to face the truth about her attitude and lack of interest in her school responsibilities. I am just saddened that my good little girl that is really bright is hurting only herself by her actions. As for me, I have turned into her worst nightmare. The trust wagon has left and she is no longer trustworthy. I thought I was doing the right thing all along by trusting her... Now I get the nickname DH's father got... I am now.... "The warden".
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