Learning curve, I think...

Blogging clears the mind... or so I have heard, but does it ease the fears???  Not sure about that one.....

I am going to try to make this as short as possible and maybe I can figure a solution.....

Today, DD went rollerskating with a friend.  I usually have no problem with letting her go hang out with friends and I believe that I can trust their parents enough that they are responsible enough to be there.  Especially when they are dealing with children under the age of 13.  After today's story from DD, I just don't know what to do.

Well, in the course of a little over an hour, DD managed to lose every penny she had managed to save since Christmas because I apparently do too much thinking for her and decided to let her take on a little responsibility. DD went to the roller rink with $50 and did not tell me that she was going to do that.  Apparently with no clue how much it was going to cost, she decided to take every penny she earned with her and placed it in her pocket.  After getting there, she paid to get in, rented her skates, and sat down to put her skates on and did not bother to put her money back into her pocket.  She set it on her chair, placed her shoes under the chair, and proceeded to go have fun.  Once she realized that she left her money on a chair (all $42 left of it), she went back to get it after a 20 minute skate around the rink to find it gone.  Well, I was not surprised that was going to happen.  I was just surprised that when I asked where her friend's mom was that took them there.  She was apparently sitting in her car in the parking lot and did not go in to watch the girls skate.  Gee, I might be completely wrong, but I would have figured that if you have children in your care, you would be actually in view of them at all times.  In fact, if she was in the building with them, she would have made sure that if DD left her money out in the open, she would have put it in a safe place so it would not have gotten lost.  I can only gather that she decided to give the girls a little independence and let them have fun without "mom" watching them like little children.

I guess it is called a "learning curve" ; an opportunity to prove to an adult that regardless that you are too young to drive or vote, can be responsible to be left alone for a short period of time.  Parents do this usually when the child becomes a teenager.  I would have figured that at the age of 13, they are ready to take on a little independence at the parent's discretion.  I just did not think that a parent watching a couple of 11 year old girls (and one of them is not hers) thinks it is a good idea to test that theory at a roller rink.  Not sure that I can trust this parent with my child again after hearing that they did not bother watching when it is intended that they are to be.  If she feels her child is responsible enough to be on her own at 11, does not necessarily mean that every child is that responsible.  My daughter is very bright, but apparently not bright enough to remember that she should have put her money back into her pocket.  Now, she is learning a costly lesson because I do not reimburse Christmas money that was mismanaged and/or lost while not in my care.  You see, I would have been there if I was to be the parent in charge.  I know that there are plenty of dishonest people out there that would take your last dollar and not care if it hurts you or not.  What disappoints me the most is that I thought I taught my daughter some common sense when it comes to things like this and if it was to happen, to go to the front office and at least ask if someone saw her money and turned it in.  Sadly, DD did not think about doing that and after she came home, she decided to tell me about losing $42 at the roller rink.  I grabbed the phone and called there to report her lost money, knowing that it is gone, I figured that there might be a chance that there are still some honest people out there and it was turned in.  Well, the rink is closed and I left a message anyway.  Maybe we will get a return call tomorrow that her money was found, but I am not holding my breath for that.

I just wonder if I really do too much thinking for my child.  I give DD some independence, but I always take responsibility for her to a fault.  Maybe my cynical nature puts me in protect mode all the time and when it comes to safety, I have a tendency to be a safety fanatic.  Honest to a fault is what makes me fear that DD has become too trusting of everyone because I am the "ball-breaker of a mother" to keep her safe and only allow her to be around kids with parents that are a lot like me.  Keeping her protected must have been the mistake I have been making because I don't let things get out of hand when it comes to her.  Since I apparently do all the thinking for her, I now have a child that is lacking common sense.  This scares me, but how can I just sit by and watch a person "hang themselves" by making mistakes that I clearly know could happen?  This just makes me sick to my stomach and I still have not called this other parent about my feelings and I think it will be better if I just don't.  I just have no clue how to get DD to realize that this is a learning curve and that worse things can happen if you do not remain focused at all times.  I can only pray that she remembers this costly lesson.