Ever since the passing of my precious pup, Molly, (she was almost 12 years old when she passed by the way), my house fell silent. No more were the sounds of nails tapping on the floors or the sounds of ID tags and the clinking they made when she walked... silence. No more barking at the mailman or the random leaf that skittered across my driveway... silence. The days of having a food bowl pushed across the kitchen floor when it became empty no longer take their path across my floors as well as the knocked over water bowl that splashes water when my Princess Molly demanded more water (since a half full bowl was not acceptable to her)... silence and dry floors have been my life for almost 5 years. While I have been promised a couple of times that I could get another dog, those promises were squashed once a new expense came to the surface (clothes for DD, shoes that needed replacement, a new doctor bill to pay)...
"We just cannot afford the expense of a pet, Nancy", was the excuse every time I brought the subject up.
We used to take little day trips on the weekends and I would drag DH to the pet store to look at all the adorable puppies and sigh. Never to take one out to play with, knowing the answer would be "no", but hoping to soften the resolve that DH has of not getting another puppy to love. I searched pet shelter sites, looking for a puppy and saying a silent prayer for them that they are blessed with a forever family. Wiping the tears from my eyes, knowing that I could never be the "mom" to another 4-legged furry friend of my own. I spend all my nice days outside waiting for a chance to pet a little furbaby when it walks past my house. In fact, there are quite a few people I have gotten to know just by their dogs. For the life of me... I do not know the owner's names, but I know their pet's names. A few dogs love the attention that I give them and the excitement I have to see them and seem to stop in front of my house, looking for me to be outside so they can pull their owners up my driveway to visit me. These little furry friends of mine know the pain I feel of loss and try as they might, give me just a moment of happiness. Kisses, leans and cuddles are plenty. I know all their favorite places to be rubbed and scratched. With a nudge from their cold noses, I get a puppy's farewell and off they go because their masters have things to do and places to go, but I can see in their eyes that they look forward to stopping by again.
Yep, a silent house is where I live.
Every day I am reminded of just that. The ashes of my long lost pup sit in a special place in my house. Her last toy sits on top of my china cabinet, facing the corner window that my pup loved to hang out in. Her collar still hangs in my kitchen as a reminder that I did have an unconditionally loving creature in my house at one time.
While I would just love to go and get another loving creature to love and care for, I just can't. It is not just a financial reason. It is a breed issue. While DD loves dogs as much as I do.... she has allergies to the fur and dander. The only breeds she can have around her for longer than a few hours is the ones that do not shed and need to be groomed often. Adopting just any dog is not possible because of the requirements. DH loved Molly, but she was a German Shepherd, a beautiful one at that, and they are famous for shedding and we cannot get another one. Most non-shedding dogs are small and he wants a big dog. Too manly for a standard sized poodle, too unsure of the mixed breeds of Poodle and Labrador Retrievers, and cringing at the notion of regular grooming visit costs... DH has held firm that we cannot get another dog... ever. Oh, he promised me one a few years back as an anniversary present, but quickly put the plan on a very far back burner... never to be completed. I cried tears of joy when he said I could have another dog, but as the years have passed with no dog to love.... I cry tears of sadness every time I think of yet another day that I live in this silent house. The only reprieve that we have had since our house is so silent is the savings in doctor bills for DD, but even she would rather deal with taking medicine daily in order to have another puppy of our own. Breaks my heart to see her love animals like she does and cannot have one to call her own. DH's cards are stacked far higher than DD's and mine... so... I can only assume we will forever have a quiet home and hold dear the memories of Molly in our hearts forever.
Not all is lost, though. A neighbor that I happen to know has an adorable little pup that visits me often is going to spend the weekend with me at my house. The pup's name is Homer and he is an adventurous little Cock-a-Poo that brings a smile to my face. Once he sees me... he high-tails it to my house to visit, trying with all his might to drag his 6'2" owner with him. He always brings a smile to my face when he does. Well, his owners are needing someone to watch him while they go and attend their daughter's graduation from college in another state. It is just an overnight thing, but thought of me to watch him. They already know that Homer will be completely spoiled once he has to return home, he will be well taken care of and safe. I am thrilled to have him in my house for the night. Just knowing I will hear those familiar sounds in my house again, even if it is for a short while, warms my heart. I know that once he returns to his family, I will once again have a quiet house, but while he is here.... I am going to enjoy every minute. I can only hope that DH sees how happy things will be in our home when Homer is here and finally decides to fill the silence in our house yet again with another furry friend to be part of our family. I seriously doubt it, but I can always hope.
My precious Molly will never be replaced in my heart, but I do have room for another to love. I truly believe she knows it. I just happen to know it will never be. Sentenced to a silent house.
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