Ever notice that when a person is living single, they are perfectly capable of doing things on their own, but turn into noise making machines after they get married? Here is my little discovery.....
DH has been perfectly capable of doing (what most people call domestic duties) for years. He knows how the washing machine works, he knows how to fold clothes, he has washed dishes, and I have seen him run a vacuum cleaner. Before he met me, he was completely self-sufficient. When we got married, suddenly (and without proper notification), became a 4 year old all over again. While I, on the other hand, never got the opportunity to be a child again. It seemed like that awesome chick DH met, ran away and her motherly twin moved in right after saying "I do". This man regressed into being completely clueless on how to do anything domestic and resorts to the sighs and grunts of displeasure while attempting to do any tasks he is asked to do. I swear, when I have asked (numerous times over the course of almost 14 years) for him to pick up his darn socks off the floor, or maybe take the initiative to do the dishes after I cooked the meal he enjoyed... he rolls his eyes.
Now, I am still trying to understand how a man refuses to actually remain a man after marriage, but have come to the conclusion that there is something in their DNA that makes them less useful after marriage than before. While I have heard his explanation that, historically speaking, men are the providers of the family unit as the women are the domestic workers to raising the children and to maintain the man's castle. As barbaric as that sounds, men believe this to still be a valid reason to refuse assisting in domestic duties. I have even heard stories that once a man and a woman even live together, men revert back to acting like a child as the woman somehow takes on the duties if she is the mother in this scenario. Why is that? I know that in my situation, we tend to have a more traditional role going on. I do not necessarily agree in all of it, but I have been an enabler of some sorts to the traditional values of being a domestic goddess. I cook, clean, raise the child we have, run the errands and make home life for DH a bit easier. In fact, I have managed to take on responsibilities that, in the traditional sense, should not be my responsibility to partake on.... like shoveling snow, lawn work, small repairs, and grilling. Grilling, you ask? How is grilling a man's job? Traditionally speaking, men show their culinary skills by grilling during the summer months since they make it clear that they have difficulties to preparing something in the kitchen unless it is something that they can reheat in the microwave or rely upon an oven to cook a frozen pizza. At least in my world, it is that way. Fortunately, DH can boil water or scramble an egg, but if it has more complex ingredients or instructions, he would rather call for delivery or make me prepare it.
As I hear from women that men turn into whining babies when they are not feeling well and demand to be waited upon "hand over foot", I also hear that men complain that women become smothering control freaks. Kind of makes it difficult to regain that spark a couple once had when there is conflicting demands and perceptions. I guess that is why the first 5 years of marriage are the hardest. What one sees as acceptable, the other disagrees. For women, it is a challenge to make things work, compared to men, who would rather walk away, and in the middle.... the awesome person you fell in love with seems to disappear. Oh, you still feel love for that person, but no longer that awe inspiring, vision clogging love that got you to get married in the first place. While I can attest to what a woman thinks.... It is something that affects us immensely into trying harder while the male counterpart, tries less. I can only guess that the saying our mothers claimed about "cows and the concept of buying vs getting it for free".
Now, this past weekend, for me, was okay. Nothing exciting happening here. My washing machine (that has been broke for a while, apparently), has not gotten fixed, DH spent his weekend napping on and off on the recliner, DD has a cold that might require seeing the doctor (which DH did not push to take her there when I was at work so I will most likely be taking her today or tomorrow), and my back spasms from shoveling snow last week really screwed up my sleeping patterns thus making me feel quite tired. I think the only educational thing that happened this weekend is DH's interest in watching a "How its made" marathon on TV. Usually, I am not a big fan of Mondays, but after the "snore fest" that I had over the weekend, I am actually glad to get back to my traditional mundane lifestyle of cooking and cleaning in peace. DD and her preteen angst prefers to stay in her room since it is a scheduled day off from school (Martin Luther King day), it actually feels like another ordinary day to me. So to those that have not passed the 5 year mark on their marriage, or is just frustrated at the lack of help from your male counterpart.... Eventually, he will make things so boring that you will actually look forward to doing those things you have grown to loathe. Just hang in there and don't bother rocking the boat... I have and DH actually did the dishes after dinner last night, so there is hope.... not a lot, but there is hope.....
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