Yesterday's blog is about having nothing left to offer. While I know that my situation is not the best, nor is it the worst, I feel my situation is relate-able. Everyone has to face making sacrifices when times are tough. I was just taken back by the slings and arrows that can be cast when opinions seem to be like personal attacks. An anonymous person felt compelled to tell me that my actions (as far as they are concerned) are more hurtful than helpful for my family. I did find it interesting that it is far easier to assume that everyone's issues are the same and that I am no different than the next person. While it is far easier to comment on a person's situation because we look at it as something so common, but really do not know all the factors. As I tried to explain myself in a reply, I realized that I keep a lot of information to myself and only comment upon my feelings. As I stated before... I cannot judge another person-- I can only judge upon myself. DH does not need to explain himself to anyone else for his decisions as well as DD. What I write about is my feelings. If they can relate in some way... great! You know that you are not alone. If they do not.... well, you are reading about something you cannot relate to.
Situations are different in the eyes of the people that live it compared to those that see from the outside. While there are plenty of people that have a support system in place where children are involved, it is also the decision of the parents about when a child is allowed more independence. I have faith that DD is capable of handling herself in alone situations for limited periods of time, it was not that case 2 years ago. Catching DD in an on-line chat room that is not parent- controlled, is a screaming neon sign that she is unaware of the potential dangers. Just add some preteen angst and a trusting nature that everyone is on the up-and-up, and that is a welcome mat for a pedophile to enter my home while I am away. There are way too many reports of sexual offenders, rape, and child abduction that has me concerned. While I try to be as lenient as possible since she is no longer a baby and does need a little more independence, I am seeing risks that (as innocent as they may seem to her) become risks I am not willing to allow DD to take. Not everyone is respectful and nice and I told her that. Call me over-protective, but I sleep better at night knowing that I am there for her. While I know that DH would protect her as well as I can, his situation (most likely enabled by the agreement that I am to be the homemaker and caregiver of our child) does not exactly influence him to step up as he should. I have heard countless complaints from DH over an employee taking way too much time off of work for his sick kids and with his thought process over that (apparently, his spouse never stays home when the kids are sick)... I am fairly certain that if he was required to step up and take on more responsibility with our child, he would not. He has had opportunities and never took them in the past. If it was me to take those additional days off of my job (since our child does have health issues), I would not doubt that my employer would become irritated. Is that fair to my future employer and my job? Is it fair to my husband and his job? Is it fair to my child to just let her stay at home alone and try to handle it on her own? She obviously cannot drive just yet to get to the doctor if she needs to. While I can rely upon other family to assist, isn't it an imposition towards them? Yes, there are single parents that can manage to allow just anyone to take care of their child while they work, or if they are old enough... the child is given their independence to handle things on their own. I know that it can be done, but if given the chance... they would rather play a more intricate part of their child's life instead of paying someone else to raise their child.... or at least I believe so.
As for the job situation... While I have tried endlessly to apply for any job, it is obvious that I am not the only one applying for a job. There are far less jobs out there for just anyone to qualify for. I do not have a college degree under my belt, nor can I afford to just go and get one. I started in an entry level position everywhere I went and grew from there. Obviously, entry level is no longer an option these days. Companies did major cut-backs and laid-off plenty of people to streamline their business. If a position is available, they prefer more current experience and if at all possible.... a college degree. Now, there are companies that offer jobs with little to no job experience. I have applied for those because I figured that I would have a fighting chance. With resume' in hand, I fill out application after application... I wait for interviews... I get rejection letters or no return calls. I am not alone when it comes to seeking out employment. With no income for college and a large gap in full time employment... I am not someone they think of first to consider. Three years applying for the same job every time it becomes available and getting rejected gets a little depressing, but I trudge forward and keep trying. It should be only a matter of time that I finally get a break. Temporary employment offices have nothing (I have checked), and permanent full time employment offices have shot me down with comments of not being qualified for anything that they have. Employers are pickier than I could ever be.
As I felt the sting of being told in a comment from yesterday's blog... telling me that my attempts are not enough, my seeking something that can be lenient enough to understand that my job as a parent is different than others, to assure my family that I can be both fruitful and reliable... is being on a "high horse" of sorts. While this anonymous person believes that I am some kind-of bad person for the reasons that were not fully explained, nor ever will be beyond what I shared today. That I seem to smother my child by being over-protective... that I enable my family to walk all over me... and that I have way too high expectations over what job I can get... You are far from what is the truth. As I appreciate comments, I wonder if the comment is in direct comparison to their life with no consideration that my situation could possibly be different. Maybe they have it all together and have all the answers, but unless they walked a mile in my shoes.... Please avoid generalizing me into something that I am not, okay? Opinions are just that... opinions. Assuming the worst of a person is judgement before fact. Before a stone is cast, think if it's going to be helpful or just hurtful... 9 times out of 10 it is going to be hurtful if you generalize one person to the rest of the world. Nobody likes being hurt. I have no doubt that you would agree.
Thanks for reading.
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