Remember when having a diary was all the rage? Well, not everyone followed that trend, but for those that did... do you remember? That little book that held secrets of our true feelings. Hiding it was futile if anyone knew you had one, but if you were fortunate enough... that was your one true friend when feelings were something you wanted to keep to yourself.
I recall having one when I was a teen... well, maybe even one as a preteen. I wrote in it daily... feelings that I knew I wanted to keep to myself about life, love, and my dreams. Never thought it would become a handy little tool in getting to remember what it was as a person. Unfortunately, I destroyed all of them when the desire to write my feelings became more of a repetitive chore than an actual release. Life never really offered much excitement every day. Most likely because I never really sought out new adventures, but it would have been nice to become reacquainted with who I was back then to who I became today.
There was a time I went from daily diary entries to writing poetry. Nothing needed to rhyme, just had a rhythm to it that made it poetry. Some poems had meaning, while others were just random things I saw in others. I was told I had a talent for poetry.... I did not think so, but it was nice to hear the compliment anyway. I would like to think that my creative side came from my father. He had talents that I wished I could have, but when it came to his talents behind the camera lens... I seriously doubted anyone could measure up to what he could capture. My older brother got that talent... and the wicked sense of humor, the best handwriting, and the ability to face fear. I have always been the one struggling with my introverted nature.... Writing was my outlet.
Nowadays, the word "diary" is no longer used. According to DD, the word is "journal". No longer are the days of starting off an entry with "dear diary". Just the date and the word "today I"... Far more simplified and less personal is how I see it. Almost like logging in on a log book for a Captain of a ship about what happens from day-to-day... lacking feeling, lacking meaning... just a daily report. I just cannot think that a journal can reach the deepest thought process for release of feeling and the ability to share something that can be looked upon at a future date to learn how something so minuscule can seem so important and come to the conclusion that those little things shaped us to handle life a little better. In fact, made us a little stronger for experiencing it. While writing about secret crushes that never became relationships never really become easier, it is about accepting that not everyone thinks like you do, nor like you because you liked them. The complexities of socialistic behavior always seem to be the most difficult to conform to.
Maybe I am seeing this blog as a diary, of sorts. The only difference is that I have been sharing what I have been thinking or feeling. While my deepest of feelings are still kept hidden, I seem to get some limited release. It is the ability to share what I can that compels me to keep blogging. Well, maybe offering to those that silently feel alone some relief in knowing that they are really not all that alone. We all have moments where it seems that it is impossible for people to relate, but in all honesty... they do. Not necessarily the exact same way, but it is relative. I sure hope that people that do read this feel that way. Never one to judge others, I can only judge myself....
Well, it is almost time to grab the phone and make a few calls. DD did not sleep well last night (neither did I) because of her allergies flaring up and the constant coughing to keep the wheezing at bay. I need to make a doctor's appointment for her and also call the school to report her absent for the day. While she could have easily gone to school until the doctor can see her, it is testing week and she does not want to disrupt the class with coughing every few minutes or so.... so considerate, like her mother ;) I already mentioned to DH about DD seeing the doctor and that there will probably be a prescription in the near future. While he told me that it is not necessary to report everything to him, I figured that I should cover all the bases before assuming anything. Money is still a sensitive subject here. I just feel it is only fair to inform him of everything instead of being blindsided when the bill comes in.
Have a great day everyone!
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