Good morning! Well, as good of a morning that it can be, that is. I am not exactly in a bad mood, just feeling a little defeated. While I can attribute this to my uncanny ability to sabotage myself from my personal goals when it comes to losing some much needed weight from my frame... this really has nothing to do with mental warfare of doing the right thing. All it takes is for one uninvited event to happen and the plans start to topple over like dominoes that you stand on end next to each other. Let me give you my current example....
Yesterday, was like any ordinary day. Well, I had plans of changing up the weekly menu and finding yet another way to control the grocery bill.... making multiple meals from just a mere few ingredients. Here is the plan:
I bought a whole, raw chicken, carrots, celery, onions, green peppers, red peppers, potatoes, beef, mushrooms, canned tomatoes, tomato sauce, beans and.... oh heck, if I list everything, it would take away from the plans I have, so lets just condense it.... The plan was to use the chicken for two different dinners (soup and a pasta dinner), the beef for chili, and the rest for other meals. Buying in a larger quantity of the staples for certain recipes seems to make the meal planning easier. I started making multiple meals yesterday to save time and have less dishes to deal with over the week. Just that little change managed to save on our grocery bill by at least $15 and I felt that was a pretty good accomplishment since there are never coupons for fresh produce. All healthy meals planned and half prepared is a good start, don't ya think? Well, at least that part of my plan was not sabotaged.... and I really need to get to the point here!
Well, needless to say.... with grocery plan in hand, DH and I were getting ready to go to the grocery store. With DD at a sleepover at a friend's house, shopping goes by much faster. The only thing that gets done quickly is the unloading of my truck when we get home. Thinking I am ahead of the game, I wander out to the garage and pull my truck out.... DH still has not made it outside since he feels it is necessary to take a potty break before we leave. While waiting for DH in the ice-covered driveway, I had something on the floor of the passenger's side that needed to be picked up before DH climbed in, but I could not reach it from over the console. As I go to step out of my truck.... my foot landed on the ice and BOOM! I hit the ground HARD. I turned my body so I would not hit my head on the truck door and land solidly on one side of my bottom (my left side). Trust me... that hit to the ground made my teeth rattle in my head and I saw stars from the sheer force that zinged up my spine. I manage to get up, go to the passenger's side, open the door, handle the item that was on the floorboard, left the door open for DH and I worked my way back (in agony) inside my truck. It hurts like the dickens to sit, stand, walk, lay down, and in general.... move. While trying to avoid crying in DH's presence, I took deep breaths and felt the tears stream down my face as I drove the two of us to the grocery store. I was in physical agony and still got the job done. Apparently, DH holds zero compassion since he said nothing and did not even look at me the whole time... Nice, huh? Besides physical pain, I was emotionally hurt. Oh well.... I should never expect kindness at times of pain when I cannot get an act of kindness when I am not. Well, if I look at it in the female tendencies of reading way too much into everything... I guess his decision to take my truck to look at it and get an order in place for the necessary parts yesterday afternoon was his way of saying he cares. It only has taken him roughly a year to get this far. Maybe when he actually does fix my truck, I can stop seeing the check engine light glowing on my dash board and enjoy a remotely smooth ride.
Okay, with the injury firmly in place, I need to point out that this is the first domino to fall in a path of many.... The pain on my backside is intense! I probably cracked my tailbone (near my hip) and it does not bode well for the martial arts fitness class I have to take tonight. I can barely move, let alone run and kick a kicking bag. Kind-of kills the notion of exercising at the gym, too. Just when I am this close (pinching my finger and thumb together), to actually making exercise a habit. Trust me when I say this, but I have a long way to go, if all the effort from last week resulted in a 1.2# loss (I stepped on the scale this morning), and if I miss out on the exercise.... I won't lose another ounce unless I die, get cremated, and have my ashes placed in an urn. I eat like a bird and exercise like a maniac. If I miss out this week because of my fall.... Kiss that effort goodbye. Quite depressing, if you ask me. This is just the beginning of the devastation of my attempts. If I cannot lose more weight, I will stop dieting. Well, not exactly. I have been on a perpetual diet for years, but I will pay less attention to portion control and that is just as bad as eating a jumbo bag of Doritos in one sitting. Thus, another excuse for my attachment to gravity at a far greater rate for someone my height and bone structure. Trust me, emotional eating is the next domino to fall after not being able to burn the calories. Then getting older and facing that fate of gaining weight. Tack on menopause (that is a woman's cross to deal with), and dying is sounding pretty pleasant, if you ask me.
Of course, with this start of the domino effect of failure, I will accept the fate that menopause will just pack on more weight at an even faster rate. I honestly think I am in the beginning throes of that, too. My body is not functioning properly, if you catch my drift. I have been a bit moody lately, late for monthly reason for DH to run for the hills (which makes it more likely that he needs to start running), and I am yet again getting more and more bloated since my last forced cycle had me gain 20# that I was able to lose only.... what? 1.2#? UGH! Pity party of one here!! Self-loathing already began last night when I got a few hours of sleep where I was not in pain. Tylenol consumption will commence shortly again. Makes me wonder why people seem to like me when I hate myself so much.... Yep, depression is starting to settle in. I think it is time to get back in the kitchen and skim off the cooled fat from the soup, shred the chicken for the chicken pasta meal, try to do some cleaning with my limited mobility and hope for the best when I go to my exercise class tonight since I really do not want to hear DH rip me a new one if I skip classes that he allowed me to pay for. After tonight, I still will have 10 more weeks to do this.... sigh. Feeling the double negative of failing at losing weight sure seems to pack on more weight upon my shoulders. Especially when I decided that 2013 was the year to get fully back in shape. Better accept that being round is a shape and move forward. Not the shape I want, but there you have it.... Karma is teaching me a lesson from something I do not recall doing wrong to another. I wish it would stop, but I guess I have to accept fate.... as awful as it is....
I hope you all have a great day since any good fortune that I am trying for has been taken away from me and does not deserve to be floating around in limbo, so I hope you get it since I won't. Thanks for letting me vent. Carry on, people! Nothing worthwhile to see here!
I would suggest both you and DH try juicing for a while. Both Rosanna and I saw "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" on Netflix. Its about a man who was nearly dying because of his obesity. He juiced and got his weight down. The program is cheaper than WW or GC, but you see the results in stages. He'll loose faster than you around the waist. But its a good deal. It's a $200 Juicer and works. We've lost around 10 lb each. Slow but steady gains and we only juice one meal/daily. We plan to try to go to a two juice meal and then juice for the 90 day cycle.
ReplyDeleteThis is where I see a problem. I choose to eat the fruits and vegetables instead of juicing them. Trust me.... I eat TONS of fruit and vegetables AND have no problem doing just that. I will, though, take your advice into consideration and seek out a reasonable juicer to give it a go. I just do not see having juice as a meal, though. A plate of lettuce (mostly water) appears to be more filling than liquefied carrots with some other fruits or vegetables in the mix. I barely use a tablespoon of dressing on my salads. I usually prefer salsa as a salad dressing which is fat free and loaded with vegetables. I avoid cheese on salads, but if I have a hankering for some... I measure out the amount (which never goes over 1/4 cup - and that is less than a serving). I just feel more defeated since moving around is difficult now and that is the fire to burn the fat. The proper foods are the fuel to the fire. Portion control is what allows the fire to burn beyond the calories consumed. I avoid breads, I prefer whole grain pasta and rice (which I limit both to once a week), and I opt for vegetables with my lean meat choices. In all honesty.... what I have been tracking is proof positive that I eat healthier than most people I know. I am so close to being a vegetarian that it is comical. I eat to survive... not survive to eat. Something has gotta give or I will truly lose it, but needless to say.... I am not blessed with patience or a perfect metabolism/thyroid/hormone levels to achieve at the pace of average folks.
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