I have been told that I can be opinionated. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but apparently opinionated people need to learn to just keep their mouth shut in order to avoid confrontation. I seem to be very familiar with the notion to just bite my lip and say nothing... I just happen to have weak moments and forget to remind myself that. Especially when it comes to having a conversation with DH.
Just last night, DH comes home from his first day back to work after the New Year holiday and shares with me his feelings of the day. I really do not know why he feels compelled to tell me if my track record results in offering my opinion. I mean, I know that if I did not ask how his day went, I would get blamed for having no interest in him... I have been yelled at for the couple of times I did not bother to ask about his day. I swear, I get the feeling he just wants to set me up for hurt feelings with his attitude. Regardless of what I happen to do.... I am wrong anyway and I still have not figured out how to avoid getting the sharp-tongued comments. Sigh, I need to tap into my ability to be understanding... I probably would get upset if he did not ask about my day, right? Oh, that's right.... HE NEVER ASKS ME! I apparently have a completely useless existence at my job or even in my day-to-day responsibilities tending to the house and our child. I guess I just never happened to learn that the wife's existence is nothing more than just another body that takes up space and shares a last name.... we are not allowed to have opinions or even thoughts to being remotely helpful beyond what has been seen as "woman's work".
Well, to get back on topic.... DH makes a comment about a fellow employee taking an additional day off from work after having an extended holiday weekend off. Apparently, this employee believes that he is the "make or break" of the business, even though when he is there.... everything is backlogged and moving at a snails pace. When this person is not there... DH steps up and gets things running at a far greater clip and manages to get everything done (and then some). With his less than enthusiastic opinion of that employee, I made the mistake of asking how this guy thinks the garage would collapse upon itself if he took a day off since I seem to hear about all the vacation time this person takes. Well, that little slip in keeping my opinionated mouth shut resulted in a tongue lashing that was quick and fierce with a generous slap to my intelligence because I do not own a business like he does. All I did was point out that this person seems to take a fair amount of time off from work while DH has taken none. Is it wrong to point out something obvious? I thought my gesture of stating that DH needs to utilize some of his vacation time, too, because he earned it after putting in roughly 20 years of himself in that business was showing that I actually care about his well-being, and since he is a business owner... he is entitled to it, too. I can only assume that the opinion stated of feeling that if he took some time off from work would make-or-break the business was about him and not his employee. How stupid of me to assume there is no hidden meaning in what comes out of his mouth!! I guess that saying when a person happens to assume, it makes an ass out of u & me is true, except in this case.... it made an ass out of just me. Time to scratch that up to another lesson in life...
While it is true that I never ventured into owning a business, I do happen to have a fair grasp of what it entails. I have managed a fair amount in my past and even was called upon to troubleshoot in some of those businesses. I am quick to learn and capable of making some serious decisions in my day. I have never been afraid of a challenge placed before me when it comes to hard work. Heck, my last office job that I was hired for ended with me not just handling vendor relations as a purchasing agent... I also became production assistant manager, liaison to accounting, and inventory control specialist. Did I ask for the extra jobs to the one I was hired for? No. I got those additional jobs (sans the title) because I am not a moron, just a hard worker that takes pride in what I do, learned on my own how to do the job and met or exceeded their expectations. Did I have a college degree to do that? No. Just the willingness to put in the effort. Could I get back into that line of work nowadays? Nope, because I do not have the degree to back it up. If I was offered the opportunity, would I take it? You betcha!
With all this knowledge, you think I would have learned my lesson to just act like a "yes-man/woman" and let him vent, nod my head in understanding and offer no suggestions or opinions... no matter if he actually asks for it. I still feel the sting of being asked for an idea to track individual employee output once and had my idea shot down, told I have no business sense to suggest such a thing, and later find out that my idea was presented by another person and was seen as the greatest idea since sliced bread (and implemented, nonetheless). Did I get credit for suggesting it? No. Was I even acknowledged for mentioning it first? Nope. While I did not appreciate being talked to like a moron, I learned my lesson that day, but cannot seem to follow through with remembering to just say nothing and remain the stupid person that obtained the title of "Mrs. DH".... Heck, I would have been better off just never finishing getting a high school education in his eyes. Trade school to become a Cosmetologist was an apparent waste also. Yep, just be brain-dead, maybe pretty, but definitely be the "hired help" that does not get paid. Grrr! I would love to give a piece of my mind to him, but I really am not in the mood to being verbally smacked-down again, so I shut my mouth, left the room, and did not let it continue from there . I just do not have it in me to prove my worth anymore and that is the saddest thing..... I think he finally broke my spirit. The only upside to this recent experience is that he cooled off after lashing out the hurtful tone quickly afterwards and was appearing to be nice the rest of the evening and when he woke me up to tell me he was leaving for work. Crisis averted!
Well, off to the gym I go... I guess I can embrace being the moron in my marriage better if I was thinner. Fat and labeled stupid is just too much for me to plaster a fake smile on my face when I am around people... especially DH. Thanks for letting me vent, so carry on with your day. I hope you have a better one than what I am having.....
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