Good morning! It is day 2 of recovery from a nightmare of a back spasm. The pain medications are fully worn off and still feeling good. 2 nights of restful sleep finally got my focus back and that is something I truly appreciate. I just never knew that the people around me finally got it that I am breakable.
As you know, Monday in the wee hours of 2:30 in the morning, I finally succumbed to asking for help. My ability to manage my back issues was no longer valid. Over 2 hours of agonizing pain pushed me to call 9-1-1 and get help of a medicinal kind that I cannot buy over the counter. The day that followed was in such a haze, I did not see things change for the better.
After DH brought me back home from the hospital, I did not see the concern on his face. How determined I was to go back home and do all that I believed was expected of me. Barely able to hold myself upright without feeling like I was going to fall, I pushed myself out of that hospital, climbed into his truck and with a pale shade of green in my skin from his driving skills mixed in with feeling dizzy and weak from being administered enough pain killers to probably kill a horse. Being told as he ran back out the door to return to work "to rest", I just could not. I needed someone there because I was scared. Feeling like I have lost complete control over everything, I turned to my mom for help. Just having her there made it easy for me to rest and feel assured that she could wake me up if something did not seem right. As she sat there, watching TV as I slept on the couch, I knew she was going to say something to DH. I tried my hardest to remain awake, but could not. DH came home for lunch and I was unconscious again. I totally missed his visit and was disappointed that I could not get back to working on my daily expectations to keep the house clean, get the laundry done, and cook dinner. I wanted to prove to DH that I was fine and nothing can keep me down for very long. I failed at that on Monday.
After my second of many naps throughout the day, I did talk to my mom. Nothing really registered regarding her talk with him while I laid there unconscious. My mom knew that and was banking on it. Ever the protector she is, I know she has only my best interests in mind. She is never afraid to speak her mind, either. The only thing I noticed in my haze of a day was how DH stepped up and helped me. For years, I have been taking out the garbage the night before pickup. I have been the one cooking dinner every night AND washing the dishes after everyone was done eating. Suddenly, in a blink of an eye... DH took out the garbage, he washed the dishes, and said nothing in that snarky tone about how the house was still a mess. Yes, being in pain, pacing the house, trying to find relief, kind-of left a huge mess in the house. While I was determined to still cook dinner, I even got the most heartfelt thanks from him. All those little annoyances seemed to become non-existent. We ate dinner as a family, we shared some time together in the same room, and help was offered without being asked.
I learned the following day what my mom and husband talked about.... it was about me. How I do so much, ask for so little and need a little more appreciation. Yes, I know I have pushed myself too hard over the years, but things have to get done and there have been no "takers" for those responsibilities. Feeling a little less thought of has been "the norm" no matter how hard I tried. I guess all it took was for one scare that I am breakable to make them see it. Well at least in DH's case. DD still prefers the easy life where everything seems to be done "magically" for her. But hearing how DH really caring, being concerned and offering to at least try is more than I could ever dream of. Not sure how long that will last. Creatures of habit do return to their routines eventually, but I am going to embrace this with all that I have and appreciate that somewhere deep within DH does really see what I have been trying to show him for so long. Love is more than just a feeling or a word spoken.... it is by the actions of consideration given willingly towards another... no matter how insignificant they may seem on the surface. Every little thing does count when you open your eyes.
Thanks for reading... Have a great day!
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